Click Here For Update 5
: And welcome back to Two Brothers, now that I’ve completely restarted the game from scratch. Hoo boy are we in for some bullshit today. Assuming this guy’s complete save file I found on the Steam forums is right, we’ll be about a quarter of the way done with this game by the end of this update.
: “It will inspire many questions… how do our eyes perceive these colors? What made them?”
: “Indeed, but let’s try not to get ahead of ourselves.”
: “That’s what science is all about. Getting excited about new ideas!”
: “And getting let down by them when they don’t pan out.”
: “Touche! Well, there is only one way to find out.”
: “I think we need to be careful now. Let’s not have excitement cloud our judgement.”
Typo Counter: 9 (missing a space between “after” and “all”)
: “Yeah. I did just drive a knife into my chest to see ‘new colors’.”
: “Yes, don’t do that anymore. We’re dealing with unexplored facets of science.”
: “…When I was up there I couldn’t imagine a way back…”
: Today, we’ll be doing the first dungeon, which has some GODAWFUL signposting. I actually had to find a video of it to get past it. It’s real bad. First, there’s a cave with some hearts and a sign telling us to go into the Eagle Shrine.
: Everything is walled off, and there’s only really one way to go.
: There’s three doors out of the entry area. The left and right ones are pointless - they lead to rooms full of enemies that have nothing in them.
: This is the left room, as an example.
: Going up puts us in another room full of enemies. They’re pretty easy to dodge.
: That puts us in this room. It’s got these raised pillars that are controlled by the squares on the floor. Going over a square activates it, changing the position of the pillars but also turning the square into a wall.
: On the left is this guy, who left the signpost behind in that cave. We can take his sword, but can’t equip it because Mark isn’t here.
: On my way to the right side, Roy manages to get stuck between a pillar and the floor switch.
Softlock Counter: 2
: On the other side from the old man is this room, which has a switch, a closed door, and…
: An arrow statue. You can push these just like you would anything else.
: Opening the door puts us in here, which is a room with spiked walls that swiftly close in on you. None of the orbs or floor switches do anything, and we promptly die.
: Apparently, the water woman we met in Volta died when we fed her to the Fish King. Roy’s an asshole.
: There’s also a telescope up here which lets you see the world map.
: There’s a heart here we can eat for more max HP. I figured out how these work: each great heart boosts your max HP by 20. You start with 20 max HP, so we’re now at 60.
: Anyway, I couldn’t figure out how to solve the wall room. There’s a bug where if you leave the wall room after going to the Game Over Zone, the game will softlock if you go back in. I had this happen twice.
Softlock Counter: 4
: We then wind up here, in a room with a bunch of things in the wall shooting at us.
: I solved this room without immediately realizing I had. What you have to do is attack the gear in the corner, which raises the chandelier thing and reveals a switch.
: This puts us on the other side of this wall room. What the game doesn’t tell you is that like the speedrun glitch in Link to the Past, you can actually walk over those thin pieces of terrain connecting the two platforms. This is intentional - there’s a sign later that will tell us this.
: This puts us in another floor switch room. There’s a door you can’t see just off screen to the north. The switches toggle it from open to closed, so what you have to do is make a circuit around the room and then it’ll open the door up top.
: Remember Zelda, guys? REMEMBER IT? HUH? DO YOU? DO YOU? CLAP, SEALS, CLAP!
: “…I didn’t expect this.”
: “It’s not here?”
Typo Counter: 10 (Missing a comma)
: This? This is some fucking godawful signposting. I assumed that you needed an item to beat the closing wall room, and that this was somehow what you needed to do that. In fact, we’re not done here. The developers kind of assumed that you’d figure out the incredibly stupid gimmick behind the wall room first.
: “It must be somewhere else on the island, right?”
: “I guess so.”
: “Well we can’t just stay here all day.”
: So now that’s two times where the game has outright told us that we’re done here… only we’re not at all.
: At this point, I got really fucking confused. I tried the wall room once more, couldn’t figure it out, then assumed maybe it was some kind of joke.
: I had to look up a video, and the answer is incredibly stupid and not at all signposted properly. What you’re supposed to do… is give up and attack the door to break it down.
: Because the Allansons hadn’t ripped off Zelda hard enough, the stairs behind the crushing wall lead to a side-scrolling section.
: NOW we’re done here. Note that even though we “mailed it” to Mark, we have the key on us.
: This is where we’re supposed to use the gear.
Typo Counter: 11 (It’s “beetle” and I don’t think this is meant to be a reference)
: I had an idea of what to do with this boss right away, but I couldn’t get it to work.
: I couldn’t get a good shot of it, so I borrowed one from the Youtube video. Somehow, they made the resolution higher. Anyway, hitting the giant beetle makes it open a door in its chest. The door is EXTREMELY FUCKING FINICKY. Sometimes it’d only work if I was to the left of the door, sometimes it’d work if I went right in.
: This puts you in a room with the beetle’s heart, which you can hit a few times before you get ejected and have to restart the process. You can see I only had a bit of health - this is because missing the door damages you. Thankfully, if you die, you respawn in the same room with full health. What I’d recommend is just setting your HP to 99999 in the save file and then re-setting it to 80 (not 60) afterward.
: Once the beetle dies, it leaves behind its heart.
Typo Counter: 12
: We are then ejected from the shrine and smash through the floor outside.
: “It was in the belly of this shrine.”
: “I-- this is incredible…”
: “It hurts… Roy, don’t look at it! It will drive you mad! Cover it quickly!”
: There’s almost no way this isn’t a Color Out Of Space reference. I linked the Wikipedia page for it earlier, but it’s Lovecraft story about a meteorite that hits a farm in Massachusetts and starts spreading this indescribable color that makes people go crazy and mutates animals.
: “I did! My brain couldn’t process what I was seeing. Everything was so fuzzy.”
: “This is the most incredible thing I’ve ever seen… I ever imagined! Roy…”
Typo Counter: 13 (Bivare is talking to himself and he’s not meant to be)
: “Exactly. Roy, when I was dead, I saw colors glowing from the far reaches of the earth.”
: WE KNOW! IT HAPPENED ENTIRELY ON SCREEN!
: “And you want to find them all?”
: “We’ll need to find a place to keep this secret and safe. Do you even have to ask? Let’s get out of here…”
: Before you ask, no. I didn’t transcribe that out of order. That’s how it is in the game. I don’t think the Allansons even read through their own script given how many typos and just general fucking nonsense is in it.
: Yeah, okay. So you’ve got something you think is The Color Out Of Space and you… put it in your jacket. Makes sense.
: In a good game, they would’ve done something cool with this. Maybe they would’ve made it so that the ocean is now colored in, or show that Roy sees the world differently now that he’s seen… teal. Also, I have no idea why Bivare has a gear jammed in his head. Maybe that’s why he was talking to himself.
: “You’re as shocked as I am!”
: “Where… where do we keep it…?”
: “It’s clearly a priceless object… so we need to keep it near us at all times.”
Typo Counter: 14
: “Not thinking about selling it already are you, Roy?”
: “Of course not. It is completely priceless.”
: “So what do we call this beautiful shade of… of…”
: “Jane…? Yes. I think she would like that.”
: “Where should we head now?”
: “I would like to speak to our old mentor, Prof. Ulu.”
: “I don’t know if it would be a great idea for you to go back to Academia already…”
: “Why, even with this proof you still think they’d deny my findings?”
: “Luckily, I don’t think we have to find out… last I heard, Prof. Ulu was working on a dig North of Egg Harbor.”
: Real creative place naming there. Egg Harbor (or by its full name, Egg Harbor Township) is a town in New Jersey right next to Atlantic City. I don’t know that the Allansons are from there, but given that YIIK takes place in New Jersey, it’s probably safe to say they are.
: Next time, we go to New Jersey.