Click Here for Update 2
: We’re now in the Game Over Zone, aka “the afterlife”. This was where Alex YIIKESman wound up in Ending A of YIIK.
: The only things in this room are this bed and a warp tile that’s just off screen.
: Taking the warp tile puts us here, and I was stuck here for a good 10 minutes.
: If you wander around here, Roy will just repeat these two lines over and over. You can’t interact with anything apart from trying to slash the statues with Roy’s sword.
: The answer is that you’re supposed to just start walking on air. God dammit why did I have to use the whole “walking on sunshine / broken glass” joke in Persona 5?
: This thing in the corner looks like something you’re supposed to be able to reach, but you can’t. There’s an invisible wall.
: So what are you supposed to do here? I couldn’t capture it because it happens at random, but what’ll happen is that if you walk on air, Roy will eventually fall to his doom and wind up back in the Game Over Zone. You have to do this TWICE.
: Now, I will admit that both Snatcher and Policenauts did this, where you had to stay in an area and just kind of do random stuff until something happens. This is egregious though because it won’t happen on its own.
: On your third time back here, this guy will appear. I checked the video I was taking of this and he does not appear here until your third time back.
: Roy’s happy to be dead. It means he might get out of being in an Allanson game.
: Which wife? Loving Wife? Your Wife? Fucking Wife?
: What is he, Sae Niijima?
: Ah, there’s that quality Allanson writing where everyone has perfect recall of exactly how long it’s been since any given event in time.
: You might notice that this game’s font is kind of shit. It has a real problem differentiating between commas and periods.
: “Each day I begin to fear this new obsession has no end.. no result. However, after receiving a promising letter I will depart Kalta in hopes of finding my brother Bivare, who believes he has found information that is relevant to my cause.”
: Who the fuck talks like this? I get that Roy is a scientist and basically sees science as a religion, but still.
: “Some are saying my research is worthless and insane, but I hope my journey will prove them wrong.”
: Roy is the kind of person who performs surgery on himself to store his money.
: There’s a couple of open doors in the hallway, but we don’t really care. They’re just NPCs who tell Roy to fuck off.
: This is another part where I got stuck for a good few seconds. As previously mentioned, there is no button to actually interact with people. We can’t talk to Silvia.
: What you have to do is try to leave, and then they’ll start talking.
Typo Counter: 1 (missing apostrophe in “mind’s”)
: A Mars Volta concert seems like a bad place to meet your brother. Or, you know, to do much of anything.
: Welcome to the Town of Kaita, or maybe Kalta. I have no idea. Let’s walk around and talk to some dumb NPCs that will immediately destroy any sense of a serious plot.
: Fuck, how out of date were the Allansons? This would almost be a time period-appropriate “joke” for YIIK to have made.
: It’s a reference to when Wind Waker came out and a bunch of games journalists at the time (I remember it being in Electronic Gaming Monthly) derided it as “too cartoony” and “kiddie”. Wind Waker came out in 2002.
: Let’s just leave town, and..
: Oh god. We’re back to Andrew Allanson trying to fill absolutely every blank space like he’s Tim Buckley. Look how badly aligned this is. This isn’t from me fucking with the resolution because you can’t.
: Also god dammit, Roy! What the fuck is your wife’s name?! Is it Jane Wife? Jane Loving Wife? Jane My Wife? Jane Fucking Wife? Jane Fucking My Wife? Is Wife her maiden name? Which one fucking is it, Allanson? WHICH ONE IS IT!?
: So I want to know, is he narrating this to the tree because no one gives a single fuck about Roy Rogers here?
: We have seemingly a couple of choices as to where to go. The panda is Kalta Town, and the bridge-looking thing up ahead is the road to Volta. That wagon on the right, though…
: The wagon brings you here, to a code entry screen. You enter the code by standing on the letter and pressing the sword button. The code is AABBAA, which sounds like the code an idiot would use on their luggage… or maybe a reference to how much Andrew Allanson loves Dancing Queen.
: This brings us to.. HELL. There’s a song that plays here and it is EGREGIOUSLY bad. The game resets its volume settings every time you load it, and its default volume is AS HIGH AS FUCKING POSSIBLE. I will make a recording of this because I think it beats the King’s Quest V Town Theme for worst song in a videogame.
: I’d like to point out that entering HELL reduced our life level. Anyway, this is a hall of random people who apparently either paid to be in here or are friends of the Allansons. Let’s just see how much they paid, and…
: Oh christ. You poor, unfortunate morons. You complete dipshits who gave the Allansons $100 each to be in one of the worst games ever and be forever cursed.
: This seriously looks like something out of Habbo Hotel.
: There’s roughly three clusters of poor, unfortunate souls who are forever trapped in this game. I mean, apart from me and anyone else who ever LPed YIIK.
Typo Counter: 2 (It’s “a lot”. With a space.)
: I have no idea who these people are. There was no separate Kickstarter tier for being an item, so I assume that these are people the Allansons know.
: Let’s just get out of there before my headphones explode.
: On the next episode of Dipshit Ball Z, we’ll head to Volta and probably wish we hadn’t. I’ll record the Hell Theme and then spend a few days in therapy in the meantime.
: By the way, while navigating the Kickstarter for this game, I found this.
: If you are one of the two people unfortunate enough to have backed at this tier, please sell me the art. I will pay you $1 for it, plus $250 to a charity of your choice. My Twitter is @TimrodDX.