Sessions:
Session One, A Good Day to Dye: Over night someone dyed the pool purple! Our cast of shitty teens couldn’t be fucked to care. The school bribes the teens with the promise of $75 to anyone who comes forward with the culprit. Holly steals all the evidence, Heather still doesn’t care, Jack accidentally gets an innocent student blamed, Jack’s best friend Ark decides to take the heat off Jack and suggests that maybe Heather did it. Heather gets in trouble and thinks Jack sold her out. Spencer spends almost the whole session hiding out on the roof until he makes out with Ark and becomes his Darkest Self. At the end of the session, Holly destroys the video tape which shows it was her that dyed the pool purple.
Session Two, Out of Gas:(
Domestic abuse, intimate partner abuse, explosions) Fade in to Heather being forced to clean the pool with Archie when Val comes in and helps her. Heather spots some bruises on Val that are poorly covered with make up and has a vision of Val being abused by her drunken step-father. Spencer, now in complete Ghost Form decides to murder a whole classroom of students by leaking the gas in the chemistry lab into the science room and then starting a spark. Jack is informed by Lucifieri of this wicked plot and decides to be a hero only to get caught in the flames, several students are seriously injured. Jack is viewed as being the one responsible for not everyone dying, the chemistry teacher is arrested, I forget what Holly did this session I’m sorry, but Heather takes Val out for ice cream and Spencer assaults Ark because he’s the ~best boyfriend~.
Session Three, Matchmaker: ( domestic abuse, violence) After WAY TOO LONG Val finally gets the courage to ask Heather to beat up her step-father so that she can have a few days of peace. Spencer decides to hook Ark and Jack up because… you know I’m not actually sure? Holly learns about Val’s abuse and asks Heather to get her an item from Val’s step-dad. Chris is found on Spencer’s roof drinking a lot and being just the most emo. Jack, after sleeping with Ark, goes into his Darkest Self and Lucifieri sends him out to intervene between Heather’s beat down of Val’s step-dad. Holly takes Val into her care and Jack’s intervention probably saves Val’s step-dad’s life (maybe). Val spends the night with Holly where they ultimately get in a sexy pillow fight and fade to black. Spencer bonds with Chris, seeing a kindred spirit in their mutual angst.
Session Four, Diners, Drive-Ins, and Damnnation: ( Vomitting/Food poisoning) Lucifieri makes Jack rob the Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell, he decides to ask for a water and instead get a pop, then steal almost all the Fire Sauce which Lucifieri then makes him use to poison the lunch room food. Jack gets his boyfriend, Ark, to help him and successfully does this. Meanwhile, Chris is hosting a party out in the woods and the rumor is she’s gonna drive to Canada and bring back beer. Val convinces Holly and kind of convinces Heather to come to the party as a theme group of Hermonie (Holly), Draco (Heather), and Luna (Val). Ark convinces Jack to do the same with Ark dressing as Q and Jack as Jean-Luc Picard. Jack’s final task from Lucifieri is to break up Tommy and Kevin, and Spencer helps by making both boys think Jack has slept with one of them and Ark has slept with the other. Everyone who doesn’t know the food is poisoned gets horrible food poisoning and there is much puking which ruins Val’s efforts to get in a poly relationship with Heather and Holly because they all start puking in the craft room while making their costumes. Tommy and Kevin beat up Ark only to get their butts handed to them by Chris and Jack. Spencer observes the whole thing from the roof, which now has a garden on it. (Which he learns is Chris’ garden and which Tommy and Kevin tried to destroy). At the end of the session, Archie pulls Heather into the AV room and shows Heather the video of Chris and Jack beating up Tommy and Kevin, Heather can clearly see Chris’ hands as claws but plays it off as no big deal.
Session Five, Night in the Woods: (This is a long one, buckle in) Our story begins with Spencer possessing Chris’ motorcycle and them riding off to the woods together to help set up for the party. Tasha brings all the flavors of Doritos she can and Orrin Shrike, a broody loner from another school, sets up the music (guess what it is.) Meanwhile, Val’s mom picks up Heather and Holly and there is a strange older man in the front seat. They get to the party while Ark’s dad picks up Jack at his home. Once everyone is at the party, Heather wanders off into the woods to be alone and stumbles upon a fucked up garden where a mandrake screams at her and she tells it off. Holly goes to investigate the screaming as Chris moderates her drinking for the first time ever. Holly finds an Evil Garden and stuffs the mandrake in her hat to keep everyone from being murdered by it. Heather sees this. Holly also has a vision of two wicked folks plotting wickedness with the garden.
Back at the party, Ark takes over the radio and plays better music while being a colossal dork while a vampire approaches Val and lures her off into the woods. Holly and Heather eventually realize she’s missing and go after her. They find a pack of giant hyper intelligent wolves who have pinned the vampire in at a camp set up in the woods. Holly befriends the wolves while Heather does what she does best and punches wolves and vampires. As darkness sets, Chris flees the party pursued by Spencer. When the clouds finally clear and the full moon hits her she turns into a werewolf and bursts in on the chaos at the camp. Spencer struggles to restrain the rampaging werewolf and winds up seducing her instead as Holly and Heather rescue Val. Holly flees and Heather and Val are forever scarred by watching a werewolf maul a ghost until Spencer successfully runs away with the werewolf in pursuit.
Jack and Ark dance and have a good time while Lucifieri curses and tempts him. Holly decides to drug everyone and all the NPCs have awful trips which allows them to see Lucifieri (except Ark who escaped with Jack for some alone time.) Val is terrorized by Lucifieri and Heather manages to reject his temptations only for Lucifieri to reveal that Holly is a witch and the one who dyed the pool and got Heather in trouble. Heather is furious but Holly makes a deal with Lucifieri to make everyone forget what he said and make him go away.
The party breaks up with Holly, Heather, and Val stealing the vampire’s car and taking the sobbing wreck that is Holly home. Holly’s dads (Nathan Fillion and Nathan Drake) help the girls recover from their Mandrake and Wolf injuries and then Val leaves with Heather. Val informs Heather that her step-father is getting out of the hospital tomorrow morning and Heather invites her to sleep over. They sneak into her house where Val runs a bath and tricks Heather into seeing her naked. (And if Fire Emblem: Awakening has taught me anything it’s that catching someone bathing means you’re engaged now.) Heather finally realizes Val is interested in her and does what any awful teen would do in that situation.
Holly tells her dads about the Evil Garden and they get the flame thrower and leave her home alone to be tormented by Lucifieri all night. Meanwhile, Ark and Jack go back to his home and Jack spends the night so he can go to church with Ark in the morning, Lucifieri is suspiciously absent and Jack has several rare hours of peace only to wake up to All Star blaring on the radio and Lucifieri making a mockery of Ark’s super cool church community the entire time. On their way back to dropping off Jack his parents are in the lawn with him hoping to catch a glimpse of his boyfriend. Jack ducks down and Ark misconstrues this as Jack being ashamed of them. Lucifieri spends a string on Ark and Ark goes into his Darkest Self as Jack blames his parents for the whole thing.
Spencer makes it to the roof of the school and admits to Chris that he’s dead before the savaging begins. They awake on the roof and Chris tends to his wounds as he asks her why she doesn’t control herself. She explains that it is a curse that she is trying to cure. Then he tells her about his death and they bond over their mutual angst some more. As Spencer reaches out to Chris and says, “You have me” after she admits she has few friends and always hurts people she gets spooked and withdrawn from him, declaring to him that what they have is just sex and walking off.
Back at Heather’s, Val confesses to Heather that she is a lesbian and that her family wants her to go to conversion therapy to cure her. They both agree that this can’t be allowed to pass and decide they’ll go to Holly for help. END SESSION.
Session Six, Racoon City: ( Emotional/Psychological abuse, church, creepy priests, animal violence/violence on animals, pooping/pissing ) Jack, having just kind of broken up with his boyfriend is sent to infiltrate a cult, when he gets there he acts like a delinquent, spitting in the offering plate, before going to the counselor there and getting invited to come back to church again by an intensely creepy preacher. Jack leaves as Heather and Val talk to Holly (who is haunted by Lucifieri) about keeping Val out of conversion therapy and camp. They send Val away to plot in secret and Heather decides to raid the police station while Holly decides to steal a gun used in a mugging from Jack’s house. Holly’s plan goes disastrously and she has to make several deals with Lucifieri to get anything done. Inevitably sleeping with Jack, who comes home to find his house a shambles, and opening a portal to Flavortown where demonic raccoons invade the town. Back at the police station, Heather’s gang chews her out for being a bad friend then helps her anyway. Spencer doesn’t understand much of technology but does understand texting and finds a Bad Cop texting Val’s dad. Back to Jack’s house where his parents are giving him and Holly The Talk after Jack made a deal with Lucifieri to fix his house. Holly eventually escapes and goes home to find her parents not there as Spencer and Heather go talk to her about the plan. After they talk Heather returns Spencer to school and then turns the cell phone in to Susan Crushbone only to discover that the school has actually hired a paranormal investigator to look into the exploded chemistry lab.
Heather leaves as Spencer talks to Chris and helps her make some pure silver while dodging the investigator (but none of us know chemistry, sorry!) Chris thanks him and heads out only to be sucked away to be right there for Holly as she has just left to find her fathers who haven’t come home yet. Holly hexes Chris for her belligerence and Chris takes Holly to the woods where Holly finds her dads safe. Chris agrees to help Holly with her problems, which Chris seems familiar with, and they head off together with her parent’s blessings. Heather goes home and avoids her parents, texting Val to get a heart emoji (aww) and Spencer dodges ghost hunters while Jack gets mauled by a raccoon and goes into his Darkest Self.
Audio Files:
Session 6 Part 1
Session 6 Part 2
Session 6 Part 3
Session 6 Part 4
Session 6 Part 5
Bonus Content: Us just horsing around for 12 mins as I try to get this trainwreck started.
Session Seven, The One Where Nobody Scores: ( Suicide, violence, bullying, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, death) Lucifieri demands that Jack get Chris fired from her job so she cant continue to self medicate and make her miserable. Class President and head of the Young Republicans Vinny Sundar is confirmed dead from Spencer’s previous chem lab explosion (
He’s coming back as a Ghoul, don’t worry. 
) and Spencer doesn’t even feel bad. Orrin Shrike outs Jack and Ark to the bullies and Jack gets beat up. Heather intervenes and Jack begs Holly to tell the mean boys that he’s not gay. Once inside the school, Jack plants the $75 into Chris’ locker to get her in trouble as Heather brutally owns Rufus (no crime here), Unfortunately, resident Worst Boy Rufus Pierce still succeeds in harassing Val into dating him (
) Holly sabotages Jack’s sabotage by stealing the money from Chris’ locker and they both get sent to the principals office where they are forced to say nice things to each other.
Spencer and Chris talk shop on the roof. Chris has some weird magical items which help Spencer see that Val’s Mom is his baby sister. (Which makes Val his niece.) They confirm with Val and Val just wants them to help her get back with Heather in exchange for helping them try and cure Chris’ lycanthropy. Jack is given detention where he is able to make up with Ark (Though we should all be shipping him with Holly, TYVM) and Holly’s parents convince her into going to some kind of camp. When Heather and Val walk back to Heather’s home and find Val’s parents there, THE BLOOD WILL FLOW next session.
Audio Files:
Session 7 Part 1
Session 7 Part 2
Session 7 Part 3
Session 7 Part 4
Session 7 Part 5
Session 7 Part 6
Bonus Video: Introductions and almost 3 mins of us being huge dorks followed by several hours of us being BIGGER dorks.
Session 8, Gays Into The Abyss: ( Gay bashing, emotional abuse, animal violence, violence, sexual themes, adult cruelty and transphobia) Val’s step-father is the worst person ever. Holly’s dads are incredibly embarrassing Jack is terrible at getting people fired. Heather is not good at feelings. EVERYONE GOES TO CAMP HALYCON (I just named it!) The counselors are incredibly abusive and Val can’t stop being in love with Heather. Spencer starts another fire , burning all the bibles, and the two trans campers swap cabins (I’m sure that’ll work out) while the generator is broken and Heather and Val steal things from the counselors so Holly can hex them, which she does. Jack also is EXTREMELY INTENSE but manages to convert Tom and Kevin to the Cult of Lucifieri. Additionally, I am not messing around and I used Republican politicians as counselors but I assure you none of us really want to hurt real life people.
Audio Files:
Session 8 Part 1
Session 8 Part 2
Session 8 Part 3
Session 8 Part 4
Session 8 Part 5
Session 8 Part 6
Bonus Video: IT’S JEFF’S BIRTHDAY ON SUNDAY (the 3rd of December) and this is an eight minute and thirty second video of us celebrating that and goofing off.
Session 9, Friendly Fire AKA: Have sex, get hexed: ( Violence, non-consensual touching, creepy adults, arson, gaslighting, death) Spencer bonds with Val and harasses Jack, Jack gets in deep shit as Lucifieri convinces him to kill Spencer, he doesn’t but Spencer fakes his death. Jack then repairs the generator and power lines while being harassed by Spencer. Val and Heather bond, Heather menaces Jack, Spencer burns down the electroshock therapy shack while menaced by anti-ghost lights. Joseph is shitty towards EVERYONE. Ark resolves arguments between Chris, Jack, and Spencer and offers Val assistance. Holly destroys a boy for being bad in bed and then tricks a counselor into killing another counselor. The camp is shut down and everyone is sent home.
Audio Files:
Session 9 Part 1
Session 9 Part 2
Session 9 Part 3
Session 9 Part 4
Session 9 Part 5
Session 9 Part 6
Bonus Video: Not much really going on in this one.
Session 10, Thanks For Nothing: ( Violence, racism and Please let me know if I need to TW anything else because I’m just getting the videos up)
Susan Crushbone and Max Henry plot how to get rid of the bad cop. Ark is tormented by Lucifieri. Spencer has to be nice to Val’s terrible step-dad. Spencer heads to the school full of anti-ghost lights. Chris and Spencer plot how to handle Max Henry and break one of the lights. We learn about Max’s motivations. Fast forward to Thanksgiving! Holly helps her dads prepare for 
Thanksgiving with Jack’s family. the adults tease the youths. Raccoons invade Heather’s family Thanksgiving and get owned but also ruined Thanksgiving forcing Heather’s family to have Thanksgiving with Val’s family where Val’s step-dad is incredibly racist. Holly gets wasted because parents are terrible, and Holly and Jack wind up sleeping together in Heather’s bed (Jack has cheated on Ark, oh no!) Eventually, all the players drink and plot together before Spencer and Holly antagonize Garfield (Val’s step-dad) into rampaging around with a gun and getting arrested. The session ends with Ark asking Jack if he’s cheating on him. (Dun dun dun!)
Audio Files:
JUST ONE HUGE LONG ASS FUCKING VIDEO BECAUSE EFFORT
Bonus Video: Fire Emblem? Fire Emblem.
Session 11, Ghoul School: ( Violence!) Jack and Ark kind of make up (it’s complicated) and Heather and Val have a heart to heart before the school year starts back up. Max Henry befriends Holly and shows her all the magical stuff he has that doesn’t actually work while Spencer ghosts around. With Holly’s help, Spencer is able to recruit Max into helping him be rid of the demon (Lucifieri). During all this, Susan Crushbone reveals that she is an actual Paranormal Investigator and that Holly and Max need to stop being so overt about supernatural stuff. Holly and Spencer retreat to the roof to try and figure out how to heal Chris’ curse before Susan Crushbone sends Tasha up to try to help. Meanwhile, Val and Heather find Vinny (short for Vindar) raging on the dumpster. He wants revenge on Spencer for killing him! Heather and Val (and Jack… kinda) try to stop him but eventually he makes his way up to the roof and tosses Spencer off the roof before plunging attacking him from above. Val pulls the fire alarm and Susan Crushbone has to shepherd the kids to the side of the school where supernatural nonsense ISN’T happening. Vinny can make Spencer bleed so Holly collects some blood (and gets caught in a compromising position with Spencer by Chris) while a huge fight breaks out in the front of the school.The session ends with Max demanding to be involved in the exorcism, Heather kind of finding out where a holy person is, everyone making it home safely, Val agreeing to visit her grandma with Spencer, and Susan Crushbone trying to figure things out with Vinny.
Audio Files:
One huge video again, sorry.
Bonus Video: Zero Cool
Session Twelve, Roll Play: The girls go out thrifting to get Chris some interview clothes which they make Jack pay for. Spencer traumatizes and almost kills his mother while trying to convince her to give Val his inheritance. Everyone watches Spice World. Holly manages to cure Chris of Lycanthropy and Heather absorbs the wolf spirit. Max Henry exorcises a demon all on his own without any help because he is A HERO. Chris has to agree to talk about her feelings and participate more actively in her faith so Rabbi Aarsonson would agree to help the kids exorcise a demon. Luciferi gets partially exorcised. AN EPIC FINAL BATTLE WITH JOSEPH TAKES PLACE where Max Henry saves the day the whole team bands together to defeat and exorcise his demon and finish off Luciferi too. Everyone recovers at the hospital until Spring and start putting their lives on the right track/celebrating their liberation.
Audio Files: I’m just doing long videos from now on because it actually takes less time and I actually enjoy binging them.
Bonus Video: We’re in good hands.
Session Thirteen, An End to All Good Things: EVERYONE GOES TO HOMECOMING, GETS DRUNK, THEN LIVES HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
Audio Files:It’s All Episode Zero Now
Bonus Video: NO REALLY IT’S ALL EPISODE 0.
Monsterhearts deals with some serious themes at times, so take caution! This LP in particular deals with: Substance abuse, intimate partner abuse, domestic abuse, suicide/cutting, and other stuff will probably come up which I’ll warn about in the audio links. 
MANDATORY VIEWING
Heather Fitz (Played by @Fefnir): Skin: The Queen
: Holly Conifer (Played by @heyboots): Skin: The Witch
: Jack Taylor (Played by @LoakaMossi): Skin: The Infernal
: Spencer Douglass (Played by @Breadmaster): Skin: The Ghost Absolutely the worst boy.
: Valerie “Val” Parker: Has an alcoholic and abusive step-dad, plays harp, bad at swimming, secretly queer.
: The Power Trio: Heather’s gang, we haven’t given them names. They’re catty mean girls that like to be disruptive and bully other students.
: Lucifieri: A demon that wants to cause even more misery, chaos, and drama in a game full of teenagers set in Ohio.
: Christine “Chris” Chiang: Transfer student from another school, child of the state, functional alcoholic, rumors claim she killed a man, secretly a werewolf.
: Archie Bunker: The Poor Kid from the Poor Family, has few friends, spends a lot of time in the AV Club, running joke is that he’s blamed for everything that goes wrong.
: Ark Vernon: Comes from a loving family, a good boy and straight A student, Quaker, good with knives, won’t take off the humanoid rat costume. Is The Mortal.
