The Conspiracy Theory and Quackery Thread! Open ye Dung Gates!



All the days are made up. Even the boring ones, like next Wednesday.


I’ve always found conspiracies and quackery simultaneously fascinating and inspiring; not that I really believe in them, but I find the ‘outside shape’ of them to be an engrossing indicator of the workings of human invention and pattern-recognition. Reading the aforementioned Time Cube, or learning about homeopathic ‘treatments’, or apocalyptic eschatology in all of its various forms…I think there’s something magnetic about those things.

That said, there are a pair of quotes by Alan Moore from the documentary made about him in 2003, ‘The Mindscape of Alan Moore’, that I think are key to remember when delving into these subjects. I believe the context (and I’m half-remembering here, so don’t quote me) is from a lecture or testimony he and Joyce Brabner did on assassination and conspiracy:

‘Yes, there is a conspiracy, in fact there are a great number of conspiracies that are all tripping each other up. And all of those conspiracies are run by paranoid fantasists and ham-fisted clowns. If you are on a list targeted by the CIA, you really have nothing to worry about. If however, you have a name similar to somebody on a list targeted by the CIA, then you are dead.’

‘The main thing that I learned about conspiracy theory is that conspiracy theorists actually believe in a conspiracy because that is more comforting. The truth of the world is that it is chaotic. The truth is, that it is not the Jewish banking conspiracy or the grey aliens or the 12 foot reptiloids from another dimension that are in control. The truth is more frightening, nobody is in control. The world is rudderless.’

Keeping these two things in mind, paradoxically, has been a great comfort in addressing the magnetic and, dare I say, charismatic depths of woo. I encourage everyone to keep these in mind.


Candy companies did the same thing in Japan with White Day.


I love this quote because it really encapsulates everyhing these conspiracy theories are about. Its about the comfort of believing there is some (however sinister) power in control than to accept that no one knows what’s going on or where we’re going. Their selectivity also makes them extremely easy to fabricate, and with the right rhethoric, make them sound plausible and believable. Sometimes its not about the argument, but how you present it.


Happy birthday Alex Jones! I know I’m a day late but I’m sure you have a reasonable explanation. Either the chemicals in my water supply have warped my worldview or the Illuminati removed September 12th one year so we could relive the terrorist aftermath.


Someone once told me that a cancer cure exists but BIG PHARMA dont want us to know because apparently they make more money by selling treatments to people who will die than they would selling treatments to people who would live a full life? Also she said apricot seeds cure cancer because they kill cancer cells (she neglected to mention they also kill regular, healthy cells so PLEASE DO NOT EAT APRICOT SEEDS). She also mentioned a theory that the moon is actually a big death star like space station, but that one was too far out for her to believe.


There are healthfood shops that sell apricot pits as a snack item (I think I saw this at a whole foods). They have the usual cure-all misinformation on their packaging, but also a note about how you should only eat a couple at a time or you may start to exhibit symptoms “similar to cyanide poisoning”.

It’s literally cyanide poisoning, though. You should not eat apricot pits. They are fucking poisonous.


I can’t believe I share a birthday with Alex fucking Jones, lmao.

Also the dude looks like shit for 43. He looks 55. Wow.


I can’t imagine what could have caused so much stress on his system to age him.


I’ve lived in Ohio my whole life and never heard of this >_>


I don’t know if you all have heard, but I’m going to let you in on a secret the government doesn’t want you to know: Dragons? 100% Real.

I know it sounds a little farfetched, but this dude has footage of animatronic dinosaurs and sexy Skyrim mods that beg to differ. And I think you’ll agree from this glimpse of his basement, that he really knows his stuff.

A cursory review of the rest of his work, reveals that he is also very good at putting together videos of animals he thinks are weird and deciding that it’s actually secret footage of an alien world. Which is sort of a charming way to rationalize the extraordinary variations in life on this planet, I suppose.


‘And birth place of the last Dragon Lord (Vlad Dracula in Romania) several strange footages were taken’

The writing in this video sounds like dialogue for Toki Wartooth.


My favorite thing about Illuminati conspiracies is how the Illuminati is so fucking smug and constantly dropping hints that it exists.

Like, if you’re a secret organization, why are you always saying that you exist with stupidly cryptic clues that only the most CLEVER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD (i.e., the most batshit) can figure it out.

It’d be like if there was a secret, more powerful Pope whose existence could only be figured out if you took the first letter of every word of the Lord’s Prayer in Latin and arranged them to spell out THERE IS A SECRET POPE


A conspiracy theorist is alone in his basement, frantically transcribing the latest speech from the Pope. He then turns to a crudely made decoder…

“Son of a bitch!”


I have to ask you Americans: What happened after Jade Helm? Are the Walmart tunnels finished?


Anyone interested in hearing about the absolutely idiotic response to the ‘Jade Helm’ operation, check out this episode of The Dollop, which will also impart some valuable Alex Jones information:

As for the afteraffects, @HalIncandenza, ice cream has been outlawed and all shipping throughout the Southern United States is done as God intended it to be done, in unrefrigerated steam-train cars.


So people have mentioned sovereign citizens but there’s a whole clusterfuck of interrelated conspiracy theories about US legal and government jurisdiction that mostly exist as stalking horses for fascism. My favorite: The admiralty flag.

The idea is that the flag displayed in the courtroom is a binding legal statement indicating what code of law is being enforced in the court. A regular American flag would indicate American common and constitutional law. However, many courts have flags with a gold fringe. This is supposed to indicate that the court is actually operating under Admiralty (maritime martial) law. As such, non-military citizens are not legally bound by the authority of this court.

One supposes that if the flag was removed from the courtroom entirely the judge would start flashing red and you could attack for a one-hit kill.



Watching “sovereign citizens” getting rocked gives me life.


I love how the guy at the courtroom door eventually just has enough of this indufferable dickhead and tazes him :smiley: