The Conspiracy Theory and Quackery Thread! Open ye Dung Gates!

mock
conspiracy
discussion

#42

I like BL!
Boys Love? Well yes, but also Bigger Luke! Bigger Luke, or BL, is a conspiracy among Star Wars fans that there is a secret second Luke who is bigger than the original Luke who shows up throughout the movies.

I’m not sure if these people are sincere or if this is just a parody, Poes law is strong. But Bigger Luke is real, strong, and he is my friend.


#43

I appreciate Bigger Luke so much. It’s got all the trappings of a giant, weird conspiracy, but none of the potential for social harm.


#44

If we’re going for pop culture conspiracy theories, immortal Keanu is my favorite:


#45

i used to hang out on the Paranormal/Conspiracy board on gamefaqs a lot like 8-10 years ago. things like the Dyatlov Pass incident were popular there.


#46

Not quite a conspiracy, but a bizarre fringe theory that’s mixed up with cryptids and extremely poor understanding of biology, but I’m very fond of the theory of initial bipedalism.

Essentially, the “theory” says that all modern tetrapods evolved from literal sea-monkies, and the humans are actually the most primitive extant tetrapods, especially in comparison to such highly derived tetrapods as newts and post-terrestrial fish(???).

It’s really just such a beautiful clusterfuck of misunderstandings about biology taken to their logical extreme, all while trying to (and failing to) masquerade as a legitimate scientific theory.


#47

My favorite part of flat earth nonsense is how the opening volley is always “well when i look out my window the earth looks flat to me!”, but they’ve also got this formula for how light can bend that is supposed to explain how a light source above a disk isn’t visible from all points on that disk at all times. “Well, wait,” you might say. “If we accept this premise that light is bending in such a way, wouldn’t that make the earth not look flat?” If so, congratulations! You’ve thought about this concept more than 99% of flat earth supporters!


#48

But… the Earth doesn’t look flat. Like, there’s a horizon and everything…


#49

So this is kinda “reporting” but I feel it’s worth sharing,

I knew a guy who earnestly believed that lgbt people were socially engineered by the world’s governments as a way of fighting overpopulation. He started believing this novel idea after suffering a “crisis of sexuality over traps” in Anime, somehow connected this to the whole thing about young Japanese men not having enough sex, then to how every lgbt person he knew liked Anime (In no small part I imagine because he predominently met them through Anime & Video game communities) and came to the conclusion anime was using effeminate protagonists and boys that look like girls to gradually make their young men into lgbt folk. He later began “researching” this theory and came across the whole chemicals in the water stuff right wingers in the US go on about and that was it - clearly the West and East were united in an attempt to gay the world, with only a few places like Russia opposing this, in fact apparently Russia was so opposed to lgbt rights because they knew about this plot!!

The wildest part of all this though is you’re probably by now assuming he was either flat out bigoted or at the very least pretty unpleasant about it all. Nope, he once made a point of clarifying to me he was neither homophobic or transphobic and as I was waiting for the “but” to drop he instead went on to say every lgbt person he knew was very nice and overpopulation is a problem, so he fully supported what the governments were doing? Also apparently if the world was gayer, there would be less crime? He somehow made “governments make ppl gay” kind of wholesome in an extremely weird way, and I often wonder if he ever like actually figured out his sexuality or if he still believes, but we fell outta touch sometime in 2014.


#50

You sometimes get a handful of those types with a conspiracy theory and it’s always endearingly weird. The F-Plus podcast did an episode on Reptilian conspiracy theorists it had a bunch of “Yes, Lizard People have infiltrated every aspect of our society, and they’re really nice!”

It makes me wonder if there’re types like that for every conspiracy. “I’m being gang-stalked, and I’ve never felt more popular!”


#51

Whenever I heard a conspiracy theory about converting people to homosexuality my first instinct is to pretend they’re absolutely right. That’s… probably not good for anyone.


#52

If I recall correctly, there were Nazi scientists who believed the earth was inverted or hollow, and made advancements in telescopes to try and spy on Americans through the atmosphere and stars. (Please correct me if I’m wrong)

I saw someone using airlines’ vertical arc as proof of this theory, saying it shortens the total distance if you move upwards.

Also, a good video about flat-earth:


#53

Content warning on all of these for, y’know, rampaging racism, sexism, homophobia and general barely-organised bigotry.

One Nation candidate says single mothers are undoing evolution by being too lazy to attract a mate.

One Nation candidates say that the deaths of refugees and mass shooting victims were faked, and that there’s a queer conspiracy to groom children.

One Nation candidate thinks Islam is a nation-state and Judaism is a branch of Christianity.

One Nation candidates thinks homosexuality is a disease that causes crime.

This whole goddamn mess.


#54

My little brother did a lot of DMT after college and told me once that he would walk people through trips to explain his personal view of God and the universe. Which was very troubling because the one time he tried to explain it to me, it basically came off as “what if Gnosticism just took place across multiple dimensions”. On the way to a family event a few years ago, he ended up explaining two things I can’t forget and make me wonder just how much he fucked up his brain despite general sobriety.

1: the tidal pull of the moon has had effects on the historical events of Judaism. I can’t really explain that any clearer. I guess he’s saying that the phases of the moon had different religious significance that has effects on courses of actions in the past? I don’t fucking know. What I do know is that he was convinced a Blood Moon was going to cause Israel to flip the fuck out somehow. They didn’t.

2: the pineal gland is responsible for inhibiting a sense of mortality and crocodiles have bigger pineal glands than humans do, meaning that they’ve got the ability to be as smart as us without that pesky feeling of guilt. This means that the crocodile people living in the hollows beneath the earth’s crust are a major threat to us because they’re both intelligent and ruthless. Also there are tunnels beneath the earth’s crust. I can’t entirely remember the logic behind this but it was hella dumb.

Also a thing I don’t miss from my old workplace: lot of 9/11 Truthers.


#55

Speaking of DMT! Machine elves. Interesting shit!

(Good lord I have no desire to do DMT, wow. I can barely handle weed lol)


#56

yeesh, that video was unsettling. mostly the way the guy was talking


#57

What a weird TedTalk video


#58

A few weeks back, my friends and I were doing an deep dive on noted idiot and whack job Alex Jones, and somehow stumbled upon a Theory that the Illuminati had weaponized Saturn. Saturn as some sort of Death Star is my favorite, because it vaguely reminds me of some Marvel Comics shit.


#59

Speaking of Alex Jones, how about the theory that Bill Hicks faked his death and became the man who knows about the gay frog agenda?


#60

So I’m gonna talk about a conspiracy that is actually really and actually happening, really.

Do you know about Sweetest Day? It’s okay if you don’t. Sweetest Day is basically a second Valentines Day where you are encouraged to buy the people you care about candy. It is pretty much almost exclusively celebrated in the Great Lakes states. (Ohio, Michigan, and such) and I swear to you it is 100% real (Oh wow, it’s expanded beyond the Great Lakes region.) I knew about it because I grew up in Ohio and everyone celebrated it every year. It never occurred to me that nobody outside of the midwest would know about it. So when I jokingly asked my spouse (who grew up in Tennessee) if we were going to celebrate Sweetest Day and he asked me what that was I thought he was trolling me.

So here’s the thing, this very real holiday practiced in many states was literally made up by the candy companies to sell more candy. They conspired together, fabricated this holiday, and marketed the hell out of it. Thus Sweetest Day was born. The funny thing is, while the candy industry is not outspoken about it being completely bullshit they won’t lie or deny it when they’re called out. They’re just like, “Ha ha, yeah we did that.” And we still celebrate it. Sweetest Day: Real conspiracy, really happening.


#61

wow, I figured sweetest day was flat out made up but I didn’t know who actually did it.