I’m feeling charitable, so I will say: Calling anyone a two-cent whore or whatever is not a good thing to do by any stretch of the imagination, but as someone who also has a hateful doucheknuckle of a sibling, I have a hard time saying I wouldn’t stoop to similarly inappropriate modes of thought if he were a bad person in the same particular way as Alma’s sister.
“Now it works for you, for me, and that dog in a Hawaiian shirt.”
“Why with him too?”
“He’s a dog. In a fucking Hawaiian shirt.”
“Right. And how did you even manage to…”
“Oh yeah, hacker. Right…”
“Now we’ve changed roles.”
“You’ve been feeling shitty. Mind telling me why?”
“It’s…it’s a long story. I don’t even know where to start.”
We’ve probably heard longer stories by this point.
“Start from the beginning.”
“Okay then. It’s something that goes back to my college years.”
“Whoa, that’s taking it way back.”
“Back in compulsory education, I never made too much of an effort but I managed to get high grades.”
Ah, the ‘gifted kid’ problem.
“Even in P.E., I managed to do well enough to always get perfect grades.”
“And then, of course, when I got to college, shit started getting hard.”
“I had this perfectionist streak that wouldn’t let me fail anything.”
“Burning my eyelashes studying, I eventually managed to keep up good grades.”
“After about half of the career, I met a student teacher. Her name was Lenore.”
Fun fact: she shares a name with the dead lover in The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. This game is Deep y’all.
Jil, eyes closed: “She helped me a lot with my studies. She even got me into stuff that gave more credits.”
“I really liked her, and after some time I found out that she liked me too.”
I like to imagine she’s doing that anime laugh like Nanami from Utena.
“We started going out, I met all of her family even, and-…”
“You want a drink?”
“A drink. Around this time, there’s usually a pause that makes you offer a drink to the client.”
Hey now, I’m supposed to be the one poking fun at this game’s formula, not you.
“There was no such pause.”
“Please! I wanna test this whole bartending interface.”
“sigh A Sugar Rush then, you can’t mess that up.”
“How is it?”
“Like I said, you can’t mess up a Sugar Rush.”
“I have this gut feeling that with your body, you’d make a better bartender than me.”
Does this count as a boob mention? I think I’m gonna count it as a boob mention.
“You’re selling yourself too short. You’re cute, you know?”
“People don’t go to bars for cuteness though…”
Do cat cafes count?
“You’ve obviously never been to a Catbar then.”
“Besides, my boobs can be a hassle when trying to move around this kind of stuff.”
“So, keep telling the story.”
“Well, as the career went on and on, it got harder and harder.”
“The last year and a half of it became nothing but study session after study session, investigations, my thesis…”
I kinda wanna know what the hell Jill’s thesis was about.
“When the graduation ceremony came, I had to make a speech and suddenly, while reading said speech…”
“I had a panic attack.”
“Fear of public speaking?”
“I realised I lost about a year and half of my life.”
“I tried to remember if I did anything fun at all, but all I could remember was studying and investigating new topics.”
“I didn’t even enjoy doing all that. So, I was just standing there and the satisfaction of graduating was minimal.”
“I realised I had only gone through the motions, day after day. From high school to graduating.”
“I-I…felt like whole years of my life had slipped through my fingers.”
“I never stopped to think if I enjoyed what I was doing…in fact, I never stopped.”
The education system sure is fucked up, isn’t it?
“But at that point, I stopped…and realized I needed a breather or something.”
Clearly she needs to spend a year backpacking through Europe.
“Did I even like that career? It was all terrifying as hell.”
“I needed all of my strength to not start running like a panicked mess.”
“So, a couple of months later, I get an offer to start working at this big research facility.”
Well that’s not at all vague and ominous.
“Lenore was ecstatic. She was so proud of me back then.”
“…but I was just scared.”
“That would be my job. I’d spend my life expanding on what I did during that year and a half.”
“What if I had a sudden realization like the one I had at graduation, but when I turned 40?”
I think that happens at 40 regardless of what you decide to do with your life.
“I didn’t know what to do, but I sure as hell wasn’t taking that offer.”
“I told Lenore and she freaked out. She confessed that she was jealous because she never got such a chance.”
“Things devolved pretty quickly. She said one too many things, I said one too many things…”
“In the end I just stormed out of her house, and I broke a vase in the process.”
“After that, I never spoke to her again.”
“I’m sorry I…”
“I suddenly feel bad for pushing you to tell me all that.”
“Why are you feeling shitty about that after all this time, though?”
“Unless you’ve been feeling shitty for years, though.”
“I have, but it’s not just because of that.”
“The other day Lenore’s sister, Gabrielle, came to this bar.”
“…apparently Lenore died last week.”
“Localized Nanomachine Rejection. A heart attack.”
I’m pretty sure Solid Snake got that in MGS1 or something.
“Apparently, she had it for a long time, but never told anyone.”
“…and coincidentally, it got worse after I left.”
“And I just can’t stop thinking about it. Wondering if me being there would’ve made a difference.”
) “And if it’s true she had that for a long time, why didn’t she tell me she was sick when we were together?”
“I don’t know, I just feel…like all kinds of failure.”
“And to make it worse, I also lashed out at Gaby.”
“Yes, she was blaming me for her sister’s death and all but…”
“She’s just a kid, for fuck’s sake. She lost the sister who pretty much raised her on her own.”
“…and to top it all off, I suddenly can’t remember what stopped me from apologizing.”
“Pride? Fear? A stupid effort to leave the most awesome person I loved as a thing of the past?”
“Who cares?! I lost my chance to apologize to her forever. Truly forever.”
“I’m such a piece of shit…”
“A selfish…piece of shit.”
“I honestly don’t know what to say.”
“I…didn’t expect the story to be this…”
“Can you get me a big Beer here?”
“C-Coming right up!”
“I need to remember to take care of the cans in my apartment.”
Like, I get that depression is a Thing but you can just throw them in the garbage outside right?
“Do you drink lots of Beer?”
“One of the perks of the BTC-issued liver implant is that I can drink lots of Beer without getting too wasted.”
Yeah I’ve got nothing either, Alma.
“Hey Jill, what kind of girl was Lenore?”
”Really, really gay.”
“She was…calm, and smart.”
“Back in college, I was too thick-headed and got riled up easily. ‘Stressed’ was my default state.”
’Stressed’ is the default state of most college students.
“So, just like you’re behaving right now.”
“Shut up. I was worse.”
“Can’t picture that.”
“Don’t. It’s embarrassing.”
“Anyway, she was always there, finding a way to cool me down.”
“She was also able to hold conversations about pretty much any topic.”
“One time, I saw her go from talking about video games to talking about sports.”
She knows about video games and sports? Truly a person of many interests.
“All of that variety while still being a hardcore scientist.”
“She would always push me into social interactions. If she saw me by myself, she would drag me with her.”
“‘Watching people is fine, but talking to them is better,’ she would say.”
“Lenore would always present me to her acquaintances as ‘the girl I don’t mind cuddling with for hours’.”
“sigh Man, I’m gonna miss her.”
“After a point, I didn’t even think about getting back into a relationship with her, but…”
“She was such an awesome person, I just wanted to apologize.”
“You know…in a cruel twist of irony, she’s the one that made me pick up bartending.”
“Back when I was thinking what the hell to do with my life, I remembered a night we spent in the club.”
“She started talking about how the drinks were synthesized, the chemistry involved, the reactions and all that.”
Cooking is also basically just chemistry, to be honest.
“Everything sounded so fascinating. I remember saying that her talk made me want to start mixing drinks.”
“She said ‘If everything else fails, why not take up bartending?’”
And now we’re stuck with this game.
I’m gonna assume she’s meditating.
“Are you okay?”
“For some value of ‘okay’, yeah.”
“I wanted to thank you, Alma.”
”For dealing with all of my bullshit.”
“I guess I just needed someone to tell all of this to. And you were the one.”
But was that really such a good idea?
“You volunteered yourself. You insisted on listening to me.”
“You stood there, listening to the whole thing from beginning to end.”
This might as well be a confession from the devs to the player.
“I know I might not be the most expressive person, that I’m not one to spout love and fluffiness, but…”
“I really like you.”
“Maybe I’m just a bartender and you’re just a client…”
“…but I really appreciate your friendship, or at the very least your patronage.”
Julianne Stingray is creating drinks. 5 patrons, 15 dollars a month.
“I really enjoy working for you.”
“…Jill, are you dying?”
“Shut up! I’m trying to have a heart to heart here!”
“Sorry, sorry. It’s just…”
“It’s weird for you to get so…sappy.”
“Well, I just realized that the saddest thing is how I’ll never be able to make amends…”
“And it hurts like fucking hell, you know.”
“I never, and I mean NEVER, wanna feel that way ever again.”
“I don’t want someone to suddenly exit my life and have my last memory of them involve something nasty.”
“I don’t want the lingering grief of having burned a bridge on a whim.”
“I want to avoid that at any cost. And if it means breaking character every once in a while, so be it.”
Is this…character development?
“I’ll let everyone know how I really feel about them.”
“And if I ever fight with them, I’ll swallow my pride, muster all the courage I can and be the one to apologize.”
“I hate feeling like this. Hate it! Hate it!!”
“Heheh, that’s a nice resolution. Maybe I’ll be a copycat and do the same.”
”Time to steal your whole character arc!”
“…alright, enough sappiness, get back here. I’m on duty, you know?”
“It was fun while it lasted though.”
Gameplay variety is not really a thing in this game so I kind of appreciated this, even if it was barely noticeable.
“I-I mean it, you know? Thanks for everything today.”
“Silly Jill. You listened to my problems and I listened to yours. That’s what friends are for, right?”
“I’ll be leaving now… Oh! Before I forget.”
“Did you ever talk about all this with your parents?”
“They know the basics, but I haven’t told them about Lenore’s death yet.”
“Why don’t you do that sometime?”
“I don’t know. I don’t want to bother them with my problems…”
“Don’t be silly, they’re your parents. They live to share your problems.”
“You should try having a talk like this with them sometime. They’ll appreciate it.”
It’s kind of really obvious which characters this game likes the most, huh.
“Ah Boss, d-did you hear all that?”
“Not all of it, but a good chunk, at the very least.”
“Your expression changed a lot already.”
”Almost like you got a character sprite or something.”
“You look happier. That’s always good.”
“Anyway, let’s call it a day. I expect an even brighter Jill tomorrow.”
“Oh yeah, Boss. About those chicken wings…”
“Fucking idiots at the Spicy Chicken…”
“‘Sorry Dana, we won’t have enough spices for your order until tomorrow.’ they said.”
What kind of asshole threatens to call the manager?
Is anyone into wrestling here? I became a huge fan of GSF very recently, it’s a really solid product imo, much better than the ‘E.
I like the match quality but I wish they gave importance to the mid card.
Are they still forcing 66 American Kid into the main event?
Yeeep, he’s going to face Yusuke at the dome show.
Ugh, why don’t they push The Great DK instead? He’s much more talented than 66
Because American Kid actually moves merch unlike your indie darling.
I want to marry Yusuke!
Who’s hyped for the women’s championship?
That one should be the main event, not the turd we’re getting instead.
66 is pretty good, just watch some of his work in Japan.
Everyone tells me 66 was better in Japan, but all I see is locks and armbars, nothing that impressive.
Wrestling is fake.
This thread is closed
I don’t get wrestling either, and this sure isn’t helping.
It looks like we were able to record and transcribe one of the messages sent from one of the compromised signals.
Jo Ren, the anchor from our popular TV Newscast, served as our very own test subject for the investigation.
Who are you?
Are you really alive?
You’re special to me.
You’re everything to me.
It’s time to become one.
[white noise intensifies]
[end of transmission]
The Health Observatory just released their annual report on Nanomachine Rejection cases. The total number of reported cases has risen to 80, an increase from the 65 cases reported last year.
”Nanomachine pollution was particularly strong this year due to the recent protests,” wrote the Observatory. “Protests caused the police force to release new varieties of nanomachines. Their function is still unclear but according to our sources, they’re intended for crowd control purposes.”
”It’s unlikely we’ll find a cure in the near future, and we can only hope cases like these will become rare in the following years.”
The classic “Magical Girl” show, Model Warrior Julianne, is coming back to public television this February after almost two decades of absence!
Even though the show has been on every on-demand service for a while now, most of Glitch City’s citizens need to think twice before subscribing to any non-essential service, especially the lower classes who have a limited number of internet purchases per year.
The show’s return is certainly welcome. Today’s parents will finally be able to share a piece of their childhoods with the kids, without risking dinner or breakfast.
“How are you feeling?”
“I won’t say good but…”
“Not that bad, I guess.”
Baby steps, Jill, baby steps.
“That’s nice to hear.”
“Where’s Gil? Did he run away again?”
“Nah, I have him on errand duty, buying the drinks for tomorrow.”
“That sounds…weird, coming from the owner of a bar.”
“Every drink from here would come out of our own funds.”
“So if we’re gonna spend money, we might as well get more variety.”
“Besides, those kinds of walks are always good for Gil.”
“You’re the boss.”
”And I’m a professional scab.”
“Who’s coming so far?”
“Well, there’s the three of us, the dogs, you invited titty hacker, Gil invited Jamie…”
“Oh yeah, I also invited Dorothy when I called her to spend the night with you.”
“Sounds good so far.”
“Invite anyone else you feel like inviting. The more the merrier.”
“I could, but I bet everyone’s made plans by this point.”
“Time to mix drinks and change lives.”
??? “Wait here. I’ll check inside.”
“Welcome to Valhalla.”
“Excuse me. Do you know where the Athena Convention Center is?”
Ah, conventions. Last month I went to a local con and there was a drag queen voguing to a Sailor Moon song. Good times.
“Why does that place make people get lost so easily?”
“They should’ve called it the MInotaur Center.”
Jill, you’d make a poor Ariadne.
Kids these days. They don’t appreciate a good Greek mythology reference when they see one.
“Hold on, let me scribble the directions on paper.”
“…go to the right…when you see a building filled with hobos…”
That’s a really sensitive way to refer to homeless people, yeah.
“This should be it.”
“Thanks a lot.”
“Anything else I can help you with?”
“Hm…eh, what the hell. I’ll have a drink.”
“What about you?”
“A Brandtini, please.”
“That’s an interesting outfit in this cold season, Miss…”
“Well, I’m actually cosplaying so…call me Vella for the time being.”
“And your Lilim friend is…?”
That’s a Final Fantasy character name. It has to be.
“I get it. You’re cosplaying too?”
“Sure, let’s go with that.”
“Have you heard of a game called YIIK, bartender?”
“That cult classic game that has seen like three remastered versions made by six different companies this year?”
Is this what happens when game preservation isn’t a thing?
“That one. We’re in a cosplay group dedicated to it and we got lost on the way.”
“I heard you talking to someone outside.”
“Oh, yeah. A friend is cosplaying as Alex. I told him to wait outside.”
“Shouldn’t he enter?”
“He’ll be fine.”
“…there’s a girl behind you.”
“…short hair, black sailor uniform, missing an arm.”
“…wearing jeans under a skirt.”
And this subplot rears its head again. It’ll be explained…eventually. It’s kinda dumb.
“Now, now. Don’t spook the bartender.”
“I’ll get a Fluffy Dream and be on my way.”
“Yup, this is the thing.”
“Seriously though, should you leave your friend outside like that?”
“He’ll be fine. He started chatting with one of the vending machines.”
“They were talking about R&B music.”
“Does your friend prefer the 1980’s R&B or the 1970’s?”
“1980’s I think.”
“Boss! Didi! R&B!”
“You see, Didi is a 1970’s purist.”
“He has tased people for even liking 1980’s R&B before.”
Still sounds better than most music snobs.
“He got tased!”
“He’ll be fine. Vending machines have very weak tasers.”
Why do they even have tasers?
“He’ll be confused for a couple of minutes, but that will be it.”
“You should go check on him though.”
“Please come again.”
“sigh At least it wasn’t Franco-Belgian comic opinions this time.”
I dunno, throwing hands over stuff like Tintin sounds like a blast to me.
(“‘Black sailor uniform’? I hope I’m just overthinking it.”)
(“…more importantly though. ‘Jeans under a skirt’?”)
Yeah, that’s just tacky.
“Welcome to Valhalla.”
“Oh! Hey, Dorothy.”
”The bane of my existence.”
You know the drill: warning for Dorothy content.
“Are you okay?”
(“Can Lilim ‘just wander’?”)
“Can I get you something?”
“Oh! Uh…a Sugar Rush. Yeah, that.”
Indeed she has, and as we can see from the screenshot, it’s a Piano Woman. And yeah, it’s another one of these moments. Nice idea, but unfortunately…it’s Dorothy.
“Didn’t you say you liked having a Piano Woman whenever you felt like celebrating, or were feeling down?”
I swear to god Dorothy’s expression here reminds me of that one commercial for some bootleg antivirus. This thing right here.
“You’re so sweet~”
(“I was half expecting her to say that she meant a literal Piano Woman. Glad I was wrong.”)
Me too, Jill.
(“So much silence…”)
“By the way, thanks for staying with me the other day. Turns out I really needed that.”
“So, did you enjoy the soda?”
“Oh, did you find that one out?”
“Was it supposed to be a secret?”
“No…but don’t go around telling everyone about that.”
“I did it because it was you who needed my help, but a hug night is usually one of my most expensive services.”
“Hey, I don’t know if the client has body odor or something like that.”
“Not to mention it limits the chances of getting any other client that night.”
Isn’t she such a sweet friend? It almost makes me want to puke.
“Still, did it help?”
“Yeah, it helped me cool down a lot.”
“So, from what Dana told me, someone close to you died, right?”
“Do you wanna know more about it?”
”If I share my trauma with two more people I get a prize!”
“Do you wanna tell me about it?”
“I’ve brought it up enough times already, I think.”
“No problem then. You were sad and that’s all I needed to know.”
“Sorry for the loss though. I mean it.”
“Although I’ve wondered for a while, do you Lilim really understand death?”
”Can robots truly be human?” is, as we all know, one of the cornerstones of cyberpunk, alongside “Technology is cool” and Vaguely East Asian aesthetics.
“Our database is constantly being backed up in the Collective Source.”
“Even if our bodies are destroyed, we can be deployed again with our personalities and memories intact.”
“So…our concept of ‘mortality’ might be different.”
“We do have a fear of death though…”
“We can’t even begin to understand the idea of not being redeployed.”
“While we have built-in ‘warnings’, the mere idea of that…nothingness is paralyzing.”
“There are a few that don’t mind it, but we do fear death and we don’t wish it on anyone.”
“In fact, that was the argument used for abolishing the whole three laws thing.”
Can we just ban sci-fi writers from referencing the Three Laws of Robotics? It’s such a fucking cliche by this point.
“You seem quite knowledgeable about robot history.”
“Seeing what others have done to make sure I can live like I do helps me not take things for granted.”
“Seriously though, those laws were bullshit.”
“‘Can’t harm humans, can’t disobey humans unless it’s about hurting them…”
“…and you can protect yourself as long as it doesn’t harm humans.’”
“I mean, sure. The first AIs were just helpers and tools.”
“But how could those laws still apply to them after they achieved self-awareness?”
“Who in their right mind would abide only by rules inscribed in some old book?!”
Hack writers. It’s why so many fantasy stories have elves and dwarves.
“If I remember correctly, those were only the distilled versions of the ‘laws’ some writer imagined over 100 years ago.”
“They were a reduced version of all his ideas.”
“However, many authors afterwards took to them like they were the very laws of physics, or something.”
“And like many other things, people distill and exaggerate what they need and use it to their favor.”
“Wow, you’re a nerd.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“Let’s change the subject a bit though. Mood’s getting gloomy.”
“Your apartment is very comfy, you know?”
“It’s a tad small though. Sorry about that.”
“And your cat is so cute! What was his name again?”
“I figured if he ever got lost, at least I wanted to be able to yell ‘FOOOOOOOOORE!!’”
“It happened once. You’d be surprised by how many golf players you run into.”
You know this is a dystopian setting because golf is still a thing.
“And every time you play with him, you can say it’s Fore Play. He-he. He.”
Oh shut up.
“He was also named after…someone.”
“A Lilim kid that wanted to transcend.”
“What? A movie character or something?”
“Sure, let’s go with that.”
Is…is this a reference to A.I. Artificial Intelligence?
“Do you want anything else?”
“Let’s see if you know me that well. Give me something I’d like.”
“This one’s pretty basic, huh?”
Nothing wrong with a basic drink, y’know.
“First drink ever created on this system. Still a favorite of the people up till today.”
“Can’t blame ‘em.”
“I still can’t believe you actually remembered what I said about the Piano Woman.”
“It’s always good to keep note of what regulars like, you know?”
“I’ve wondered for a while, though. Why do you keep coming back here?”
The in-universe answer is some sappy garbage probably. The actual answer is that the writer REALLY liked this character and had to shove her in your face.
“For you, of course.”
“Why else would I come, if not to see you?”
“You’re one of the few people willing to hear me out, always filled with curiosity.”
“And you’re cute. Talking to cute people is always nice.”
“There’s also the bar, the way it’s insulated from the noise of the city. It’s really comfortable.”
“And it’s just a bit away from the street I’m always at. A win-win situation!”
At this point they might as well just have the characters saying ‘naruhodo’.
“It was weird to see you down though. Especially since you’re always so lively.”
“Well, I wasn’t down, really. I was just thinking about a lot of things.”
”Well, if there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock…”
“Well, my mom, er…guardian asked me to go home on Monday for a bit.”
“And as much as I love her, being with her is usually…tiring.”
“The whole thing about someone taking care of a Lilim after they’re deployed until they reach maturity, right?”
“Yup. And I’m proud to say that I reached psychological maturity in just one year!”
”My character concept technically isn’t fucked up!”
“They always try and keep a varied pool of volunteers to make the Collective Source grow faster.”
“So, what’s wrong with your guardian?”
“Well, she still treats me like a kid.”
“The worst part is that sometimes I fear she might see me as some sort of replacement for her dead daughter.”
“Huh? Dead daughter?”
“I was deployed to her not long after she lost her daughter. A contrived coincidence, really.”
“Even when I was still developing Self-Awareness, I always feared she might be using me as a replacement.”
“She didn’t though, or at least not consciously.”
“At times she would just stop doing something, or return a gift she’s given me…”
“If she felt like she was projecting too much of her daughter onto me.”
“What irony that years later, I’d make a living pretending to be someone else in the bedroom.”
“Well, most of the time, my job involves roleplaying. A daughter, a student, some helpless kid…”
Why why why why why.
“It means I’ve gotten many clients looking exactly for that, but on the other hand…”
“From a professional standpoint, I’d rather have them hire me because of me.”
“Because of my character, not because I’m “The one that roleplays as little girls’.”
Would that really make it better though.
“Maybe I need to exaggerate some attribute…”
“What’s the problem with your guardian then? If you do that on a daily basis, why worry about it?”
“Because I don’t wanna make her sad.”
“Every time I visit her, I fear she might look at me and see her daughter. That seeing me makes her sad.”
“At this point, I don’t even care if she’s projecting her daughter onto me, I just don’t wanna make her feel sad.”
“Did you try talking to her.”
Communication is the foundation.
“Telling her what you just said to me. Clear up those fears.”
“I mean, unless she’s not the kind to want anyone opening up to her, that is.”
“I…never really thought about talking to her about that.”
“It doesn’t sound like something you just bring up though.”
“Keep it in mind, at least. Maybe she’ll appreciate the gesture.”
“I wouldn’t know though. I haven’t met her.”
“She’s a really nice woman. The problem is mostly with me, I think.”
“Well then, I’m taking my break.”
“Oh…I’ll be leaving then.”
“No, what I was trying to say is that I’m taking my break, you wanna come?”
“If you don’t mind talking on a chilly night in an alley behind the bar, that is.”
“Eh, I’ve done worse in alleys.”
No one needed that reminder.
“Boss! I’m taking my break.”
Dorothy you explicitly elected to remain in a prepubescent chassis because it filled a business niche no one else was sociopathic enough to cover. You are 100% not allowed to complain about the fact that people go to you because they’re after that particular service.
“Are you really offering a little girl a cigarette?”
“NOW you’re a little girl?”
It’s fetish apologia, you can’t really expect it to be consistent.
“I always am. Innocence, however, is another matter entirely.”
“But anyway. Thanks, no. Smoking seriously messes with my air filters and they’re a hassle to replace.”
“Don’t mind me though. Smoke to your heart’s content.”
“So, why don’t you tell me about this guardian of yours? I wanna know what kind of woman she is.”
Is it tragic backstory time? I hope it’s tragic backstory time.
“Well, her name is Sophia Graem.”
This will end up being relevant later. Like, ‘end of the game’ later.
“She’s a retired P.E. teacher. Nowadays she works at a gym during the morning shift.”
“She’s pretty fit, if I do say so myself.”
“She had a daughter. Apparently she suffered from Nanomachine Rejection all of her life…”
Well, it’s not exactly her tragic backstory, but it’s close enough.
“…and when she finally healed, she was hit by a truck.”
Oh that’s just overkill.
“Um…what was her daughter’s name?”
“I don’t know, I never asked really.”
“Are you okay? I’m reading fear…or is that surprise? It’s hard to tell.”
With Dorothy I think it’s both.
“I’m fine yea-…wait, ‘read’?”
“Well, I don’t ‘see’ emotions like you do.”
“I have to make do with a combination of body heat readings, face recognition and context.”
Body heat readings? Is Dorothy secretly a Predator? I would…much prefer that.
“I’m still a bit confused about some, but I’ve gotten better with time.”
“Anyway, you sure you’re fine?”
Is anyone in her presence ever truly ‘fine’?
(“Scared or surprised…she’s not wrong though.”)
“Wait, does that mean your last name isn’t really Haze?”
“Haze is just my artistic name. Sounds more exotic and that’s what people usually look for in this business.”
“I tried other names though.”
“Dolores Haze, Genesis Graem…”
Dolores Haze also happens to be the name of the girl from Lolita. So…take that as you will.
“I tried Dorothy Warrior once, but a legal team came out of nowhere and stopped me cold.”
So it’s a Disney IP then?
“So, what’s your legal name, then?”
“Rebecca Dorothy Willow Graem. A bit of a mouthful, if you ask me.”
“So Dorothy’s actually your second name?”
“Should I call you something like Becky then?”
The name Becky just makes me think of this old-ass tumblr meme. http://i45.tinypic.com/2pqubya.png
“People have always called me Dorothy rather than Rebecca for some reason. That’s why I chose it.”
“It’s useful too. People have tried to falsify stuff using my name and they always get caught.”
“Because they use ‘Dorothy Haze’ as their name?”
“Only my mom…err…guardian calls me Rebecca, so it’s weird to hear it from others.”
“What about Willow?”
“Willow’s my first surname, actually.”
“When I got registered, my guardian was married to a guy who had ‘Willow’ as a last name.”
“Shortly after I joined their household, they separated, so I was left with his family name first.”
“Hold on, so your real name in short would be ‘Rebecca Willow’?”
“Doesn’t have the same pizzaz to it if you ask me.”
Unfortunately, I have to agree. Rebecca Willow really does not roll off the tongue.
“Whatever you say, Becky.”
“It’d be like if I called you Julianne all of a sudden.”
“Whoa, that was anger I read just now. Lots of anger.”
“I think it’s weird enough already if you call me Jill instead of ‘honey’.”
“Weird, huh? How you can end up feeling associated with a name that’s not yours?”
Or if you’re like me, you have to come up with a new name from scratch!
“I have an uncle that always called me Tina. He kept calling my cousin Tina ‘Jill,’ for some reason.”
“Neither of us mind it, though. Because he’s calling us what he thinks we’re called instead of mixing us up.”
“…that and it’s completely useless to try and correct him.”
“But you know, maybe that effect is true for your clients too.”
Well that came out of nowhere.
“Well, you’re worried about your clients not hiring you because you’re…you, right?”
“But think about what happens when it’s announced that a character will be played by a different actor.”
A bunch of nerds complain on the internet?
“Sure, it’s a character, but people are also going for the actor playing the character.”
“So you’re saying they go for MY roleplay instead of just mere roleplay?”
“Sounds too far-fetched?”
Jill don’t encourage her please.
“Sounds plausible, actually.”
“Okay honey! I’ll take my leave now. Don’t wanna take up all of your break.”
“Thanks for the chat. See you at the party tomorrow!”
“Back! Did I miss something?”
“I’ll have a word with Gogo outside. He was so hyped for that match. He must be devastated.”
Some people I follow on Twitter talk about wrestling and every time it’s like trying to decipher an alien language.
“Welcome to Valhalla.”
“Oh, hi Sei.”
“How are you doing?”
“The nightmares have stopped, so I’m sleeping better.”
Unfortunately we are all trapped in this waking nightmare.
“Um…how about your injuries?”
“My bones are healing nicely. My wounds finally closed…the scars itch a bit, though.”
“Well, that’s good to hear.”
“Are you by yourself today?”
“Yeah, I’m running a couple of errands for myself today, but I wanted to come here for a while.”
“I also notice the big guy from last time is outside.”
“Buster? Stella doesn’t want me being alone while I’m still healing, so she suggested taking him with me.”
“Ah, I see.”
I get that they need some way to end conversations, but seeing ‘I see’ so many times just gets infuriating. It’s like I’m watching a terrible fansub.
“What can I get you?”
Sounds like another opportunity to rip off a customer!
“Yeah! This is the one.”
“Why drink something cold when the weather outside is so cold too?”
Same reason one would eat hot spicy food in the summer. Feels good.
“It’s not that cold, actually.”
“But I’ve always had a decent tolerance for the cold, so I’m not a good reference.”
“So, Stella isn’t with you today?”
“She’s throwing a Mega Christmas party tomorrow and is having a meeting today.”
“I’m just helping her by checking on some of the things she ordered.”
A fuckton of booze, I’m assuming.
“And here I was, all ready to invite you to the party we’re throwing tomorrow.”
Unfortunately the powers that be demanded that Dorothy replace any halfway decent characters.
“You’re throwing a party too? Sorry about that! Can’t really say no to Stella.”
“Maybe next time?”
(“If there’s a next time at all.”)
“Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”
“I-I want you to know that I want you to have a good time.”
“Have fun! Drink a couple of Beers in our honor!”
“Heh. I will, then.”
That heh makes Jill sound like she’s Solid Snake or something…which would be an improvement.
“What are Stella’s Christmas parties like?”
“They’re really big. There’s lots of food and drinks and music…”
“Sometimes there’s too much food, though.”
No such thing.
“So at the end of the party, she lets the staff take home whatever’s left.”
“She also buys toys for all the children of her staff members.”
“She says something about taxes or whatever, but during the whole thing, she just…shines.”
Stella keeps all her money in tax havens confirmed.
“She carries a beaming smile that I don’t see any other day of the year.”
“Many of the kids have even started calling her ‘Auntie Ella’.”
“Stella always does her best to put up a tough girl facade, but she’s very much in touch with her inner child.”
“Christmas, Easter, Halloween. Name a party and she most likely celebrates it big.”
How do people in other countries even celebrate Easter? ‘Cause over here it’s more like a family thing if anything.
“Do you like parties, Jill?”
“I don’t mind them. They’re a good place to see people.”
Jill is the type of person that stands in the corner during parties isn’t she.
“I’m not one to actively look for parties to attend, though. I just…don’t mind going to them.”
“Ah, I see.”
“I only go to parties that Stella is attending. Because otherwise, I’d just stand there without anything to say.”
“That and…I’m not one to wear dresses, you know?”
“I’m a tad too ripped. They don’t look cute on me.”
“Although, with all this healing I have to do, I won’t be as fit for a while.”
“They’re too…um…breezy too. I feel like I’m wearing nothing.”
”Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all…nothing at all…nothing at all…”
”Stupid sexy Sei.”
“But I bet you’d look good in a dress, Jill.”
“It’s been years since I last wore one. I wouldn’t know.”
“Last time I wore one, I remember worrying my arms were too thin or something like that.”
“We all have a complex, huh?”
“I mean, even Stella has her own.”
_I think it’s called ‘being rich’.”
“That’s…hard to imagine.”
“Oh, but she does have one. She distresses a lot about her bust size.”
Why oh why do so many of the female characters in this game talk about tits so much.
“Really? She’s not that small. I think I’m smaller than her, in fact.”
“Actually, it’s the opposite. The opposite kind of complex, I mean.”
“She’s a bit self-conscious about having a big chest.”
“…again, I’ve seen bigger chests than hers, to be honest.”
“Although I guess comparisons are useless here. They rarely help with complexes.”
“Well, she does go the extra mile to hide it.”
Oh sweet fuck they’re still talking about it.
“In fact, I have no idea how she does it.”
“I mean, I’ve seen her before and after she tucks them away, but…I guess I never cared enough to ask the specifics.”
And you shouldn’t ask because who the fuck cares.
“That’s also why when she goes out, she styles her hair in those…um…”
I was gonna compare them to Juri Arisugawa’s hair, but they’re way more elaborate than her curls.
“They look a bit drill-y, don’t they?”
“She styles her hair like that to help divert attention away from her chest.”
“She seems affluent enough, why not go through a reduction surgery?”
“Because she also kinda likes having that size.”
I’m sure her back would disagree.
“She takes her bust size after her mom. And Miss Carmine is quite proud of her chest.”
A family lineage of big titties…god that’s so fucking dumb.
“‘Puffing out your chest is a sign of confidence! And a bigger chest means more confidence to show!’”
And what ecchi show did the writer steal that quote from I wonder.
“She says something along those lines a lot.”
“Stella has quite the admiration for her mom, so I guess breast reduction would feel like betraying her?”
”That and the artist wanted to draw some big titties.”
“I’m making it sound like she’s hiding J cups or something like that.”
“I guess in a taller or thicker person, her size would be normal. She’s just a bit shorter or thinner than the norm.”
“Do you get self-conscious about your bust size, Jill?”
Is this really a conversation that needs to last this long?
“Not really. I’ve been more self-conscious about my height.”
“Although it usually comes up whenever not being average height hinders me somehow.”
Like having to reach for something that’s too high up at the grocery store? Relatable honestly.
“What about you?”
“It’s not my bust size, but rather that I look too manly sometimes.”
Hahahahahah do the devs actually think that this is what a masculine woman looks like because holy shit.
“And I can’t help but wonder if bigger boobs would help with that.”
“You’re fine, don’t worry.”
”This game’s never gonna have a female character that defies traditional beauty standards!”
“Can I get you anything else?”
“Do you have something non-alcoholic?”
“I do. Gimme a sec.”
“You’re not one to drink that much alcohol, are you?”
“It makes me feel sleepy or, at the very least, makes my legs go numb.”
“It’s an annoying feeling, to be honest.”
“It makes me wonder what’s so good about getting drunk.”
From what I understand, it’s good for forgetting stuff.
“I mean, I’m not above it, but it’s not exactly a pleasant feeling.”
And that’s why you should drink plenty of water as well.
“You feel like you’re sleepy even when you’re not…”
“Your legs go numb. Everything starts sounding funnier than it really is…”
I’m pretty sure that the latter is a side-effect of smoking weed.
“What’s so good about not being able to control yourself?”
“That’s…a good question, actually.”
“Usually people like feeling numb because that numbness helps them forget their problems.”
“Even if we don’t talk about alcohol, there’s a portion of people that can’t afford food…”
“Or who are suffering from some pain that only alleviates when drunk or high.”
“It doesn’t sound really logical on paper, but then again, humans are rarely, if ever, logical creatures.”
“Despair and pain cloud your judgement and make you do stupid things sometimes…”
“Yeah…I’ve seen that firsthand.”
“This world has an ugly side nobody deserves to be a part of.”
“There’s also a matter of addiction, you know?”
What Jill was talking about earlier wasn’t related to addiction, then?
“You start just liking the drink, but then you need more of it and before you know it, you’re hooked.”
“Oh yeah, that too.”
“So tell me, what kind of party are you guys throwing?”
“Nothing fancy. It’ll just be me, Boss, Gil and a couple of regulars.”
“They’ll bring food. We’ll chat for a while, and that’s it.”
One time I hosted a New Year’s party and this dude lit my hair on fire with his lighter. Fun times.
“Man, that sounds so good.”
“At least better than the whole planning madness Stella is throwing right now.:
“If you ever throw something like that again, you let me know, you hear?”
“What do you plan on doing now?”
“I’m gonna check one last errand before going home.”
“No, I mean…what do you plan on doing now, with the White Knights disbanded and all?”
“To be honest, I don’t know.”
“I never prepared for a Plan B because I figured, if you can go with a Plan B, why not just make it the Plan A?”
“I’m not the brightest person, so I never graduated from college or even high school.”
Let’s be real here, a lot of people who did finish college are complete idiots.
“I could go for a position with the police, but it wouldn’t be as thrilling…”
“…and I’m sick of blatant corruption. Sick of it.”
Corruption is a huge political talking point and I think that by this point it’s practically become meaningless.
“But I’m alive.”
“I learned something after that hell in Apollo Trust.”
“Life is not something that you can just throw away easily.”
“Clawing my way out of that place made me realize just how much I wanna be alive.”
“The body count left in the bank was ridiculous, but I’m still here.”
“I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’m alive. I’ll figure it out sooner or later.”
“That’s nice to know.”
“Well, I gotta go.”
“Please come again.”
“Welcome to Valhalla.”
“Oh. Hi, Mr. Detective.”
This bit is going to be shorter, because the devs really really love playing favorites.
“Give me a strong drink, won’t you?”
“Yes, this’ll do.”
“So, what brought you here?”
“Nothing special. I was just working on a case and I happened to be in the area.”
“What kind of work?”
I mean, probably detective stuff. What else could it be?
“Tracking someone…a gun-for-hire.”
“What about the girl? Crimson something.”
“I am tracking that girl.”
“Didn’t you just get out of that job?”
“I did, but the guy offered a huge amount of money and…well…I just couldn’t refuse again.”
The plot thread that never ends.
“Well, it’s your life. Not mine.”
“I wonder, though. There has to be more to that whole thing than just acting as a middleman to look for some murderer.”
“Say, how safe is this place?”
Considering how many fucking weirdos walk into this place, I’d say not very.
“We’re protected by the BTC property laws, the walls are soundproof…”
“…and I really couldn’t give less of a shit about selling info to anyone.”
“Okay, then…wait? Soundproof walls? Why?”
”So no one calls the cops on us.”
“Did you see those vending machines outside?”
“They’re quite talkative, the bastards. It’d be annoying without those walls.”
“Have you heard of Lord Lance Lavender?”
Sounds like someone’s tabletop character.
“He’s some big name from Kanyevania. His blood apparently has some weird reaction to Glitch City’s nanomachines.”
Kanyevania? Really? Really?
“Once in contact with the air, it does nothing.”
“But if still fresh and touching someone’s blood, the nanomachines will initiate a reaction.”
“Essentially, they’ll just eat through the other person’s body until there’s nothing left.”
“They’re using him as a guinea pig to see what causes that reaction and if it could be used to fight Nanomachine Rejection.”
Genuinely don’t know if this game wants me to take Nanomachine Rejection seriously because I cannot.
“Well…turns out the Crimson Rose is his daughter.”
Wow, the plot thickens. I guess.
“She left years ago to earn her living here and he hasn’t seen her ever since.”
“He could be lying, you know?”
“Doubt it. I did my research. She really is his daughter.”
“Why didn’t you figure that out earlier?”
“I had no clue who was making the contract, and tracking all the messages to the source would’ve been too costly.”
“Knowing who the sender was made things easier.”
“Can I get you anything else?”
“Hm…what about a Cobalt Velvet?”
“Oh…you actually did it.”
“Were you expecting me to mess up so you didn’t have to pay?”
PSA: don’t be a dick to service workers. Ever.
“So what made you accept the contract, anyway? Keeping in mind all the risks you told me last time?”
“He told me he wanted to see her again one last time or, at the very least, deliver her a message.”
“He could’ve been lying.”
“Yes, people lie. You made your point.”
“Even then, I felt like I couldn’t say no.”
“I mean, I know what it’s like not being able to find your daughter…”
Even this game can’t escape the dreaded sad dad curse.
“What it’s like to be apart from her, not knowing what she’s doing or even if she’s alright.”
“I have a daughter. She’s about your age.”
“When she was a teen, we had a big fight and she ran away from home.”
“At first, I just waited for her to show up. But then I started getting worried and went out to find her.”
“I couldn’t find any trace of her. Nobody had seen her. Soon, I was worried if something might’ve happened to her.”
“I guess that’s how my tracking skills and list of contacts began to grow.”
“I finally found her, taking cover in some dumpster, unconscious from starvation.”
“So yeah, I just couldn’t say no to his request of finding his daughter.”
“But I don’t expect you to understand.”
I don’t care about even the most sympathetic sad dad stories, is my problem. It’s just so fucking overdone by this point.
“So, how’s the search going?”
“I’m very close to finding her…that girl’s pretty good at covering her tracks.”
“Compared to the her from before the bank incident, though, she seems slower, somehow.”
“Either she’s let her guard down or something else is happening.”
“What will you do when you find her?”
“I have this letter I’m supposed to deliver to her.”
“I don’t know what it says and I don’t want to find out.”
The big twist is that it’s just a drawing of dickbutt.
“What if she tries to kill you?”
“I might not look like it, but I can take care of myself, bartender.”
“You don’t stay so long in this business without picking up a couple of tricks.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.”
“Please come again.”
“Okay then! I want you here tomorrow at 8 P.M. No working beforehand. The bar will be closed tomorrow.”
“Come dressed in your absolute best! We’re having a party after all.”
Is formal wear a thing for Christmas parties anywhere?
“Where’s Gil, by the way?”
I was going to put a snarky joke here but it turns out I already made the same joke a couple of updates earlier. Whoops.
“He stored all of our things in his home because of how close it was to the stores.”
“So I told him to go home already and bring the stuff tomorrow.”
“Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.”
“Hold on, wait a bit and I’ll go with you.”
“Oh, sure. Thanks.”
Short update this time, but the way this day is paced, I really couldn’t help it.
No new danger/u/ threads today, which I think is a blessing or something.
The messages have suddenly stopped and everything is normal again. Still, we can’t stop wondering what’s the deal.
Was it a prankster, or someone who just discovered how to subvert public communication channels in Lilim?
Either way, some reports indicate that Lilim behavior has been rather unusual as of late, although we can only imagine the confusion they were going through.
Not the first time
Let’s not forget that something similar happened five years ago, when Lilim advancement was at its historic high. Fortunately, nothing came out of it. Will it happen again? Time will tell.
The ones without artificial intelligence, mind you!
The King of the West, KAN-JYE from the western nation of Kanyevania, has approximately 6000 robot soldiers, all of whom look like the hottest girls around. But is this show of quirkiness from the wacky dictator problematic?
”Those dictators from Venezuela or whatever just do whatever they want, they don’t give a sh*t,” Mariana Zimmer, 35, told The Augmented Eye during a street interview.
”They’re all pretty hot though, if I was him, I’d have done the same. Why bother with the ‘real’ thing when you just make them from scratch to match your every need?”
More as we investigate.
A Kanye West reference and a pointless dig at Venezuela at the same time? Keep it classy Sukeban.
If you weren’t a fan of yuri or slice-of-life shows already, then be prepared to join the moe church this season with the premiere of Yooroo Yooree, one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in recent years.
The pals at the popular danger/u/ forum seem to be divided, however.
”This is such an obvious pandering.”
”Remember when anime was about women doing womanly things and beating the shit out of each other? What is this trash?”
”You girls are just haters who hate their lives :^)”
”I’m going to marry Shina Tsu!”
”Wake me up inside!”
You can catch YY every Friday on RSTV.
Seems like I got my hopes up for nothing, huh? Fun fact: there’s actually a danger/u/ website online. It might just be worse than its in-game counterpart.
“You came in your uniform!”
Like I said before, what kinda Christmas celebration has a dress code?
“…these ARE the nicest clothes I have with me.”
“Besides, you and Gil are in your uniforms too.”
“Well, I can’t really show up in casual clothing. I’m being monitored.”
“What about the kilt you wore that one time?”
Are…are kilts casual clothing? They can’t be. Can they?
“I’m still surprised that one didn’t break the dress code somehow.”
“And you, Gil?”
“You people depress me.”
Didn’t expect Dana of all characters to be relatable.
“Ah, Alma’s here.”
“You know, there was a time when people greeted others before saying stuff like that.”
“Come on, Jill. Treat her properly.”
“Welcome to Valha-…wait.”
This is like calling your teacher mom, but worse, somehow.
“Man, if that’s not a sign that you need to ease up on the work, I don’t know what is.”
“Shut up. It’s become a reflex.”
“Wait. Alma also came in her usual attire. Why aren’t you saying anything to her?”
“Ribbed sweaters get a free pass.”
Considering that both Alma and Dana are wearing some form of sweaters, I’m just going to assume this is someone’s fetish.
“Silly question. Nevermind.”
“Jamie came earlier too. The dogs went with him to get some ice.”
Speaking of: is Jamie even a character? He looks like Adam Jensen and is Badass but…I don’t know anything about him.
“Don’t we have ice?”
“Trying to take it out of the bartending station is a chore, so it’s better to buy some outside.”
”This conversation feels a lot like filler…”
“What were you doing back there, Alma?”
“Setting up the food warmer.”
I’m going to assume that means microwave.
“I bought it three days ago.”
“It’s amazing. It looks like just a set of wires, but you can create a frame with them.”
So it’s a needlessly complicated version of a microwave?
“Put the food inside it, press a button and watch as it warms the food up just like a microwave!”
“It’s an infomercial bauble, though. Really useful, but tricky to handle at the same time.”
So what you’re saying is that Dana got scammed like a chump.
“One wrong move and we’ll be out of food for the night.”
“Everything will be scorched in a second.”
“So you’ve bought infomercial stuff too?”
People that aren’t grandmas buy that stuff?
“Haven’t you? It’s at the very least a good idea for gifts.”
You know the drill.
“Finally, at least somebody came after me.”
The body AND the sense of humor of a 12-year old. The complete package!
“Oh, don’t be like that. She’s not saying it out of malice or anything. She just found it funny.”
“You’re taking her side now?”
“You don’t need to fight for me.”
Took the words right out of my mouth.
“I’ll go check the microwave wires thingy. I’m starting to get hungry.”
“Ah, hello Jill.”
“Soldier! You’re late!”
“See? That’s how you greet people.”
“You shut it!”
“I-I’ll go help Al…um…a.”
The dogs are honestly fairly annoying characters but they keep Dorothy away, so who can really tell if they’re good or not.
“I’ll go help sweater pups.”
“She’s not good with dogs.”
“I know what I said. How’s the food doing?”
“It’s doing well, but it’ll take a bit.”
“Can’t you speed it up?”
“I’ve used those microwave wire things before. It’s either ‘warm nicely but slowly’ or ‘burn that bitch’.”
“So, how long?”
”About a year.”
“15 minutes or so. A bell will ring when the time comes.”
“We need to kill some time then.”
I’d suggest Russian Roulette.
“Alright, let’s play Truth or Dare.”
The favorite game of teenagers all around the globe!
I take it the writer realized there was barely a character there so he wisely opted out of including Jamie.
“Games are for kids!”
“Sure, I’ll play.”
“Sounds fun! Aslongasthatmuttstaysawayfromme.”
“That’ll make the time pass faster.”
What a good boss.
A philosophical question to chew on: If dogs have been granted humanlike intelligence and the capacity to speak, does that make fearing dogs a form of racism?
I say it does!
Because Dorothy sucks!
E: On reflection, I’ve revised my position. It’s a form of racism whether or not Dorothy sucks. But she’s racist so even if she didn’t suck, she still sucks.
“After you finish, you get to pick someone else.”
“We go like that until food’s done.”
Or until everyone gets bored. I’m betting on the latter.
“What about punishment games?”
Afraid Danganronpa has you beat on that front. Try again.
“Those are a hassle. Just issue new questions or challenges until the other person complies.”
“You start. Pick someone.”
”Eenie meenie minie mo…”
“What’s the most uncomfortable thing that has happened to those arms of yours?”
Wow, she didn’t ask about her boobs? Genuinely surprised.
“They got stuck a lot on clothes and fibers. Sometimes the joints get jammed with cloth.”
“Just how much of those arms are mechanical, anyway?”
“Less than you think. The only things I truly lost were my hands.”
“The arm muscles are still mine, albeit with some enhancements.”
“And my skin doesn’t grow on them. They’re covered by the plates.”
“It’s more an enhancement than a replacement, really.”
Jill is a really good conversational partner.
“Truth or Dare?”
“Hm… Use an Argentine Backbreaker on Nick.”
Considering how little I know about wrestling I’m just gonna assume this is a real move.
I feel like this joke might work if there were any visuals.
“I give! I give!”
“Does the name Joseph Valentine ring any bells?”
Nope, but it’s probably a video game/anime reference like most things in this game.
“I know of a Joseph Shine, but not Valentine.”
“Joseph Shine…alright then…”
“…I guess it’s my turn, um…”
“Hey, Chief. Can you drop me?”
“Pet the dog.”
Oh this is the easiest possible dare anyone could get.
I wish I could pet a Shiba Inu.
“Yes! Come on! Pet me harder! Is that all you’ve got?!”
“Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot.”
“Ah, fuck you.”
(“I wonder how long until the food is done.”)
“How did you get your arm?”
“Lift Gil by the neck of his shirt.”
Does this count as slapstick? Slapstick-adjacent?
The role of Gillian was portrayed by Wario.
“I guess. Who cares? I didn’t hear about your arm.”
“I do! I care!”
“Alright, Gil. Now that I have you in this position, answer me.”
“I didn’t pick…”
“Did you live in Scotland for two years?”
I’m pretty sure Gil’s main purpose in this game is to have a weird, shady past and be thrown around, mostly.
“I guess that rules out a couple of possibilities…”
“What? Oh right, I’m still lifting you. Sorry.”
“And now she apologizes…”
“I guess it’s my turn…”
“Oh! Oh! I have a suggestion!”
“You stay quiet.”
Jill just got 200% more relatable.
Sidenote: there’s a surprising lack of Dorothy in this particular update, which I am definitely going to count as a blessing.
“Hm…how strong are those arms of yours?”
“It’s still my muscles under them so…not very.”
“Although not having fleshy skin makes things easier.”
Wow that sentence is creepy out of context. In context, too.
“Wait. That’s Truth, not Dare.”
“I just wanted to make sure.”
“I dare you to break this nut with your hands.”
“Well, that was easy.”
“Holy shit, Gil. Are you really into that?”
“Asking a woman to break a nut in her hands and watching her eat it, does that turn you on?”
Why is this a topic up for discussion I hate it I hate all the sex jokes.
“Wait, wait…is this an actual thing that turns guys on? I need to know for professional reasons.”
Aaaaand Dorothy just made it worse. Congrats.
“…you’re a pervert, Gilbert.”
So are the people who made this game.
“Gil-…wait, that was close this time.”
“My turn then? Alright.”
“Okay then. What’s your most embarrassing childhood dream?”
“For example: when I was a girl I wanted to be a ‘Professional Puzzle Master’.”
I’m pretty sure that’s just Professor Layton’s day job.
“I guess, in a way, I accomplished that, but you understand.”
“I wanted to be a…ventriloquist.”
When I was a kid I wanted to be a mechanic. I do not remember why.
“When I was a child, I liked this show called Lucia’s Fun House.”
“The one with the woman in the house with the talking stuff?”
“My parents divorced when I was around…six, I think.”
“My mom was on tour with an orchestra and my dad was working constantly.”
“I spent a lot of time with my grandpa, but he slept a lot, so I was on my own most of the time.”
“I liked to pretend things like chairs or beds could talk. And since AI wasn’t so advanced back then…”
“Anyway, I went to a magic show once, and there was this guy making a puppet talk.”
“My dad told me he was a ‘ventriloquist’ so I kinda obsessed about wanting to be one.”
“Even today, I’d be lying if I said that I don’t think about it every now and then.”
“So that’s why you pretend Fore can talk.”
(“I’m getting hungry.”)
“And that’s one problem less.”
And about 99 (or perhaps even more) remain.
“Well then, I’ll take the next turn.”
“I have old pics, cat pics, selfies. Pick one.”
_This game has a weird casual disregard for privacy. I don’t get it.”
“Jill’s phone is a CaliCOMP. They get updates more than any other system in the world.”
“I’ve made it a weekly ritual to update my CaliCOMP hack program and she’s my guinea pig.”
“I hack into it once a week. And since she takes daily pics, I just take one for that week.”
Once again, this is creepy. Like, really creepy.
“If I’m missing a week, I just look for the missing pic and investigate.”
No it’s not!
“…you guys do know I’m still here, right?”
It’d be disturbing even if she weren’t here, really.
“You guys go ahead. I’ll have a quick smoke outside.”
(“Truth or Dare, huh…”)
“It was fun, I guess.”
”We’re just gonna ignore the whole stalking thing huh.”
“I mean, hello.”
“A bit late for the hello, don’t you think?”
“You know I don’t smoke.”
“Are you leaving already?”
“Yeah. Technically, we celebrated Mega Christmas yesterday…”
“…but I just got a message that Dayana is making a ruckus, so I gotta leave.”
Time to remind you that Alma’s sister sucks, because you might have forgotten!
“Good luck with that.”
“Speaking of ruckus, how have you been doing?”
“Fine, I guess. All of this has helped keep my mind off things for a while.”
“I-Is it weird to feel the absence of someone you had no contact with whatsoever for the last three years?”
“Ask Katyusha, or any of the ‘old literature maidens whose spouse went to war’ types.”
Russian literature contains timeless wisdom, most of it relating to depression and more depression.
“I mean, even if you had no contact with her, maybe she was constantly on your mind.”
“If you tweak the circumstances, it’s not that different from one of you going to a war.”
“Well, although the circumstances make me not want to, I’ve gotta go.”
“Careful out there.”
“Oh yeah. You should take the chance and spend this time with everyone inside, don’t you think?”
“…yeah, she’s right.”
“Hey! Jill’s back!”
And now we’ve entered the last stretch of the game. Will it get any better? Will the particularly annoying patrons go away? Will there be any character development? Well…find out next time, I guess. Additionally, apologies for yet another late update, I recently finished an exam I’d been preparing about a month for and my brain just completely shut down afterwards.
I was talking to a friend about this but one of the missed opportunities of this game, insofar as anything in this game is an “opportunity” (missed or otherwise) and not “a tragic warning” is that they advertise you can change the outcome of conversations by how drunk you get customers (presumably by the decision to load up or not on the karmotrine-optional drinks, or giving customers the wrong drinks). Between your playthrough and my own I’ve seen no evidence that this is even in the same zip code as true but if there was one place where they were going to do it, a game of truth or dare really should have been that one place.
So a while ago I left a bad review on this game, because it deserves it and I regret spending money on it.
In the last couple of days I’ve gotten a response to that review, that has blossomed into a short but incredibly stupid conversation. Here is the latest response I got, early this morning:
I’m a thirteen year old girl, which is roughly the age Dorothy appears to be, if anyone should be weirded out, it should be me. But I’m not, am I?
I will die on this hill, protecting loli’s and lolicon’s from people like you.
Someone, anyone, help.
PS I actually don’t believe it’s a teenage girl. My desperate plea still stands.
Anyone watching it?
I don’t even have a TV
So useless, Julianne is old and busted.
i herd you talking shit bout mai waifu like i wouldn’t find out
is it going to be censored?
I don’t think so, the show was rather tame afaik
I’m going to marry Julianne!
Oh man, I remember watching this show back when I was like 10. I think I discovered porn thanks to it.
you will never discover rule 34 for the first time again
why keep trying?
Never seen this show before, is it any good or is just a meme?
It’s a meme show, there’s nothing outstanding.
What about the sequels? are those going to be broadcasted as well?
The sequels are shit.
This thread is closed
Oh so now they’re just immediately talking about sex instead of being coy about it…not really an improvement, imo.
For the 10th consecutive year, the GC Olympics returns to the emblematic Super Silver Thunder Dome, this time with a representative from the elusive country of Kanyevania.
Prime Minister QUINCY, who is in charge of the committee, told The Augmented Eye that “it wasn’t easy getting in touch with KAN-JYE,” and that “we had to abide by some of his religious rules in order to see some of their best competitors come to the country.”
Kanyevania’s main religion, Kanyeism, prohibits the existence of nanomachines inside the body, and as such, competitors from said country had to perform specific treatments in order to repel the swarm. “It’s a temporary solution, but it will do the trick.”
Is it just me or is the whole Kanyevania running gag pretty fucking racist? Like, haha look at this weird foreign country where everyone is Weird and the Wacky Dictator has female bodyguards!
Cartoons are not for children.
They’re still largely colorful, but the themes they touch have become rather dark. In fact, every cartoon on air today has dark themes. It’s come to the point where innocent animated characters are no longer a thing. I suppose children are young adults from birth now?
But enter “Touch Fluffy Tail”. A new show that aims to challenge the current trend.
”No deep lore, no obscure adult references, no stupid ‘deep’ plots. Just fun with numbers and fluffy tails,” said a TFT producer who asked to remain anonymous to avoid internet backlash. “I don’t want death threats for making a cartoon for actual kids.”
I don’t really get the point here, honestly. Kids’ stuff doesn’t have to be dumb.
The Motor City district is notorious for the number of illegal street races it sees each week, and the dozens of injured drivers it leaves every year. This time, it has been reported that two people died during a race hosted at the GATE Highway, otherwise known as the “Death Lane”.
The Transit Police is currently investigating the deaths, as well as the underground world of illegal street racing.
”We have several suspects in regards to who is running this underworld, but nothing concrete as of yet,” Chief of the Transit Police Department, Jay Esposito, told The Augmented Eye. “The death of these two youngsters will be the last, however. That’s a promise.”
I’m way too used to Christmas, but the MEGA tradition here in Glitch City is MEGA comfy.
I know it’s an incredibly absurd name, and the holiday isn’t any less crazy due to its absurd origin, but I find it amazing how GC managed to REPLACE the original festivities.
Some places celebrate Christmas eating fried chicken, but here they outright changed the holiday!
Well, it’s not THAT different, considering they have the same dates, but still pretty cool.
Woop! I gotta go, time to sign some books
Honestly, she’s a fairly minor character but I kinda like Kira Miki? Probably because she isn’t like, a walking sex joke or just obnoxious.
“Hey, Jill! Gil is in the back sorting an ingredients shipment and I’ve got things to do, the dog’s in charge, okay? Bye!”
“Wait, the dog what?!”
I don’t think dogs are evil enough to be bosses or CEOs or anything. They just don’t have it in them.
“I’m in charge and I want you to pet me.”
You’re taking the wrong approach, you gotta use reverse psychology, man.
“Time to mix drinks and change lives.”
“Won’t pet you.”
“You’ll pet me sooner or later. They all do.”
“He said will, not Gil.”
“Who the hell is Will?”
“Don’t be rude with poor Will!”
“There’s no Will!”
“Do you need me to psyche you up then?”
“Who? Me or Will?”
I think this segment is supposed to be…funny? At the very least, they’re not doing offensive humor, I guess. It could always be worse.
“You go back to whatever you were doing.”
“Only if you pet me.”
“…the fuck just happened?”
Pointless filler is what happened.
“Well, aren’t we spirited today?”
“Welcome to Valha-…”
With this game, 2064: Read Only Memories, and a bunch of other titles I’m not super familiar with, Jim Sterling has been in a LOT of indie games, either directly and or indirectly. I don’t really know why.
“You didn’t show up with a…bombastic soliloquy.”
“Well, putting up an act can be tiring, you know?”
“So it’s all an act, then?”
“Wasn’t it obvious?”
“Would you mind getting me a Bleeding Jane?”
“Yes, this is just the thing.”
“So…tired of putting on an act. Care to explain?”
“It’s a long story. And I’d honestly rather not talk about it right now.”
“Fair enough. What made you change your mind, though?”
“Well, for one thing, it’s safer for me now. The pompous buffoon act was mostly a way to avoid raising suspicion.”
Sadly, almost every other patron of this bar is also obnoxiously quirky, but they’re not putting on an act.
“Safer? There’s a word that’s been losing meaning lately.”
“Wait…THAT was your way of avoiding suspicion?”
“…you do know how weird that sounds, right?”
“It sounds weird?”
“You try not to raise suspicion, but you act in a bombastic manner that screams you’re there.”
“And everyone dismisses the fool as a buffoon and moves on.”
Truly Virgilio is the Arlecchino of the Commedia dell’arte that is VA-11 HALL-A.
I think it’s pretty straightforward.
“I mean, you might be right if I were talking about hiding myself.”
“But I’m avoiding certain…crowds of people.”
I think the kids call this ‘foreshadowing’.
“Yes, my behavior might call everyone’s attention.”
“But then everyone just decides I’m harmless and disregards me.”
“And depending on how erratic my actions are, I become harder to read.”
“Giving me yet another layer of enigma.”
“Well, congrats. No offense, but I fell right into your plan.”
“I just dismissed your actions as those of a fool and moved on.”
“You completely fooled me.”
“Say, can you give me something spicy?”
“Aren’t you fascinated by spiciness?”
I mean, it is pretty funny that certain plants became spicy to deter us from eating them but instead we intentionally eat things that are spicy. But I wouldn’t call it fascinating.
“What’s spicy for humans might not be spicy for other animals.”
“Hell, what’s toxic for us might not be for other creatures.”
“Do you like spicy things, bartender?”
I dunno about Jill, but I think spicy food is the fucking best, tbh.
“I don’t mind them, I guess. But I’m not really a fan.”
“That neutral stance is actually weird to come across.”
Is it? I thought that was the common opinion.
“Everyone either loves spicy things or hates them with passion.”
“Do you like it?”
“Lots. Not only in regards to painfully spicy things, but also the way mild or slight spice adds to a meal.”
“I’ve always had this dream of opening a curry stand.”
“As things are, I might actually pursue that dream.”
“Let me know if you do. I haven’t had curry in ages now.”
You and me both, Jill.
“Call me Jill.”
“I wanted to apologize.”
“You put up with me all this time without lashing out. I should apologize for my behavior, and thank you at that.”
Now it’s time for the remaining 95% of the cast to do the same. A woman can dream…
“Don’t worry. I actually feel like I was too rude to you last time you came.”
“Granted, you came a really bad time, but…”
“I should be the one apologizing. You’re a client after all.”
I haven’t worked in customer service, but from what I’ve seen, it’s usually the customers that are at fault.
“Well, don’t. I’m actually surprised that nobody else had violently lashed out at me yet.”
“You’re making me curious as to who you really are though.”
“Is Virgilio even your real name?”
“It might be, it might not.”
“…sometimes I wonder if I’m a magnet for people who hide their identities and sordid paths.”
Or just relentlessly horny caricatures of people. Or both?
“Gil, Jamie, you…”
“Um…did you say something?”
“Just rambling. Pay me no mind.”
“Now that I think about it, how did you find this bar?”
“I was…avoiding some chaps and came to this alley.”
“In my time here, I’ve heard ‘avoided people and ended up here’ enough times to make me believe…”
That this bar is completely haunted?
“That the original owner built the bar here thinking about the runaway public.”
“You make me sound like a criminal.”
“You’re not helping.”
“The expression ‘runaway’ doesn’t just mean people escaping the law though.”
“We’ve had people avoiding stalkers or solicitors.”
And those moments were portrayed in the worst possible tone imaginable.
“I’ve seen people more shocked by an insistent salesman than a shady figure.”
“Maybe because the salesman is a more active predator? I don’t know.”
“A troublesome part of the city right near the shopping district.”
“Let them know there’s a bar and they’ll come.”
“…sorry. I should stop rambling to myself so much.”
“I don’t mind it.”
“…do you think I’m sort of criminal, though?”
Well I do know a certain group of people whose behavior is definitely criminal.
“Like I said, you’re not helping.”
“But for all I know…you might be the buffoon I’ve seen the other days.”
“In any case, can I get something bitter here?”
“Do you like coffee, Miss Bartender?”
“As weird as it may sound from a smoking bartender…no, I don’t.”
Personally I like a lot of things with coffee IN them but I find coffee itself to be bad. Is that normal?
“Well, I get it. It’s not for everyone.”
“That Cat Boomer the other day…”
“What about her? Still scared of her?”
“Not really, but she looks so familiar…”
Play until the end to find out!
“Maybe you’re mixing her up with another Cat Boomer?”
“No, that’s not it…”
“It’s like the bandaged girl last time.”
“Even with the bandages, there’s just something really familiar about her.”
Just gonna keep on teasing, huh. Maybe having played the game before makes all the foreshadowing seem as subtle as a brick.
“Maybe you need to stop thinking about it.”
“Answers usually come to you when you stop stressing out.”
“You might be right.”
“Please come again.”
“Welcome to Valhalla.”
“Oh, hello, Mister Detective.”
That’s my mood whenever I boot up this game to take more screenshots.
(“And here we are, another mute person wandering into the bar.”)
“Anything I can get you?”
“Oh, you got it right.”
“So, what’s up now?”
“A bit of holiday blues, you could say.”
“So you celebrate Mega Christmas?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“You looked more like a Festivus kind of guy.”
I too love jokes that only work if you’ve seen or are familiar with Seinfeld.
“Why does everyone keep saying that?!”
“Well, Festivus IS a celebration going against the capitalist madness that is Mega Christmas.”
Oh, cute, the game thinks it has something to say about capitalism (it doesn’t).
(“And you know…cheapskate.”)
“If you have something to say, say it.”
“Although now that I think about it, ‘holiday blues’ is not really tied to a specific celebration.”
“Just the season.”
’Tis the season to fall into a dark pit of depression!
“A season of consumerist craze.”
“Mega Christmas is just a mockery of what the real Christmas once was.”
“I mean, the season has slowly become enslaved to the corporations over time.”
“‘Holiday spirit’ can only be manipulated so much.”
“But then came that Turbo Male guy. He started a yearly tradition of dressing up like Santa in the ring.”
If the devs think that’s crazy, then they’ve clearly never heard of Hoodslam…
“Turbo Male? That can’t be his ring name.”
“Really? Such a tacky name was accepted?”
“His partner was Buster Master and his rival was Dr. Chris Max. Tacky names were not a problem.”
“I mean, I knew there was a wrestler that dressed as Santa every year.”
“I also knew that the guy became insanely popular and the stunt got out of control.”
“And, of course, that’s the part everyone sings about.”
In like, Christmas carols? I’d pay to see that.
“Santa became Nega Santa thanks to the Redmond Family.”
“Nega Santa sees the error of his ways and becomes the mighty Mega Santa, renaming the holiday Mega Christmas.”
“And then every company jumped on the bandwagon and Christmas was Mega Christmas before anyone noticed.”
“So you’re telling me that the guy who somehow managed to rename the holiday…”
“Went by the ring name ‘Turbo Male’?”
“That makes the whole holiday sound like a joke.”
“The holiday IS a joke.”
“And you’re telling me you don’t celebrate Festivus?”
“sigh No, I don’t.”
“Do you know what kind of people celebrate Festivus?”
…people that are way way into Seinfeld?
“The kind that’s so lame and bland that they can only talk about how they’re better because they celebrate Festivus.”
That just sounds like the type of person on FB that reminds you that every major holiday used to be a pagan tradition and think they’re super edgy and cool for pointing that out.
“Like those jerks who only eat Nuke and think they’re better than everyone else.”
“Anything else I can get you?”
“Get me a Fringe Weaver, will you?”
“So, any issues with the city lately? What’s the word on the street?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking that?”
“There’s nothing new, really.”
“The lynchings of White Knights stopped, so there’s that.”
I’m still not sure what the game actually wants us to think about that plot point. Like, the White Knights are clearly villains, but you don’t use a term as loaded as ‘lynching’ to describe the actions of good people. Gah, I’m thinking too much into this, aren’t I.
“Something about the armor. I haven’t gotten much on that one yet.”
“All in all, the madness following the attack on the bank seems to have settled down a bit.”
“That’s good to hear.”
“Have any other details about the attack emerged yet?”
“All records of whatever happened there have been long deleted.”
“Security cams, system logs…everything was wiped.”
This just sounds like a conversation from an unreleased Shadowrun game.
“Whatever happened there, it’s become even more of a mystery now.”
(“I wonder if Sei plans on testifying.”)
(“…does anyone know if Sei went there in the first place?”)
(“Maybe the wiping of everything actually protects her somehow.”)
“Hey, bartender. You okay?”
“Sorry, got distracted.”
“There’s not much to say, really.”
“There’s the odd silly rumor here and there.”
“Like the vending machines’ tasers malfunctioning and applying more strength.”
“Or that the writer of The Last Rain In The World is actually living here as a brain in a jar.”
”Or that we’re all in a game made by a bunch of perverted channer goons.”
“But those are the kind of rumors you hear from crackheads.”
I get that this character is supposed to be kinda annoying or whatever but was that term really needed here?
“Crackheads might hold that one last piece of info you need, but you also hear crap like that.”
“Please come again.”
“Bo-…no, wait. She’s out.”
“GIL! YOU THERE?”
“Yeah. Taking your break?”
“Let me know if someone comes in.”
Major apologies for this update being so late, but I got caught up in exams and had a pretty major creative slump as well. The LP will be back on track and I’ll set myself an actual schedule to keep up with.
Also @Chowder that conversation sounds like the stuff of nightmares and I am so, so sorry you had to deal with that.
So I know I promised the next update would be up soon but, well, my computer died due to electricity issues and then college started back up again. During that time I’ve been thinking about this LP and…it just hasn’t been fun. In fact, it quickly became a chore. I thought that my antagonistic relationship with this game would make for some fun stuff but without someone else to bounce off of it quickly just turned into me ranting. While I do actually have some other LP ideas in my head, I can safely say that this one is super duper dead. Major thanks to the few people that kept up with the thread, I truly appreciate it!
@moderators, feel free to drag this one off to the Twilight Zone.
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