“After you finish, you get to pick someone else.”
“We go like that until food’s done.”
Or until everyone gets bored. I’m betting on the latter.
“What about punishment games?”
Afraid Danganronpa has you beat on that front. Try again.
“Those are a hassle. Just issue new questions or challenges until the other person complies.”
“That said…Jill!”
“You start. Pick someone.”
“Oh…um…”
“Let’s see…”
”Eenie meenie minie mo…”
“What’s the most uncomfortable thing that has happened to those arms of yours?”
Wow, she didn’t ask about her boobs? Genuinely surprised.
“Uncomfortable…”
“They got stuck a lot on clothes and fibers. Sometimes the joints get jammed with cloth.”
“Just how much of those arms are mechanical, anyway?”
“Less than you think. The only things I truly lost were my hands.”
“The arm muscles are still mine, albeit with some enhancements.”
“And my skin doesn’t grow on them. They’re covered by the plates.”
“It’s more an enhancement than a replacement, really.”
“Huh.”
Jill is a really good conversational partner.
“Well then…”
“Me?”
“Truth or Dare?”
“Hm… Use an Argentine Backbreaker on Nick.”
Considering how little I know about wrestling I’m just gonna assume this is a real move.
“Surely.”
“NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICK!!!”
“whoAAAAAAAGH!!”
I feel like this joke might work if there were any visuals.
“I give! I give!”
“What?!”
“Does the name Joseph Valentine ring any bells?”
Nope, but it’s probably a video game/anime reference like most things in this game.
“I know of a Joseph Shine, but not Valentine.”
“Joseph Shine…alright then…”
“…I guess it’s my turn, um…”
“Hey, Chief. Can you drop me?”
“Oh, right.”
“…”
“Pet the dog.”
Oh this is the easiest possible dare anyone could get.
“Yeah, whatever.”
I wish I could pet a Shiba Inu.
“C’mere, mutt.”
“Yes! Come on! Pet me harder! Is that all you’ve got?!”
“Better make it count. Better make it hurt. Better kill me in one shot.”
“Ah, fuck you.”
(“I wonder how long until the food is done.”)
“How did you get your arm?”
“…”
“Lift Gil by the neck of his shirt.”
Does this count as slapstick? Slapstick-adjacent?
“Okay.”
“Eh?!”
“Wah!”
The role of Gillian was portrayed by Wario.
“Happy?”
“I guess. Who cares? I didn’t hear about your arm.”
“I do! I care!”
“Alright, Gil. Now that I have you in this position, answer me.”
“I didn’t pick…”
“Did you live in Scotland for two years?”
I’m pretty sure Gil’s main purpose in this game is to have a weird, shady past and be thrown around, mostly.
“Scotland? No…”
“I guess that rules out a couple of possibilities…”
“Um…Chief…”
“What? Oh right, I’m still lifting you. Sorry.”
“And now she apologizes…”
“I guess it’s my turn…”
“Oh! Oh! I have a suggestion!”
Please don’t.
“You stay quiet.”
Jill just got 200% more relatable.
“Fiiiiiiiiine.”
Sidenote: there’s a surprising lack of Dorothy in this particular update, which I am definitely going to count as a blessing.
“Hm…how strong are those arms of yours?”
“It’s still my muscles under them so…not very.”
“Although not having fleshy skin makes things easier.”
Wow that sentence is creepy out of context. In context, too.
“Wait. That’s Truth, not Dare.”
“I just wanted to make sure.”
“I dare you to break this nut with your hands.”
“Okay.”
“Well, that was easy.”
“Holy shit, Gil. Are you really into that?”
“Eh?”
“Asking a woman to break a nut in her hands and watching her eat it, does that turn you on?”
Why is this a topic up for discussion I hate it I hate all the sex jokes.
“Eh?!”
“Wait, wait…is this an actual thing that turns guys on? I need to know for professional reasons.”
Aaaaand Dorothy just made it worse. Congrats.
“sigh”
“…you’re a pervert, Gilbert.”
So are the people who made this game.
“Gil-…wait, that was close this time.”
“My turn then? Alright.”
“Okay then. What’s your most embarrassing childhood dream?”
“Um…elaborate?”
“For example: when I was a girl I wanted to be a ‘Professional Puzzle Master’.”
I’m pretty sure that’s just Professor Layton’s day job.
“I guess, in a way, I accomplished that, but you understand.”
“…”
“I wanted to be a…ventriloquist.”
When I was a kid I wanted to be a mechanic. I do not remember why.
“Huh?”
“When I was a child, I liked this show called Lucia’s Fun House.”
“The one with the woman in the house with the talking stuff?”
“That one.”
“My parents divorced when I was around…six, I think.”
“My mom was on tour with an orchestra and my dad was working constantly.”
“I spent a lot of time with my grandpa, but he slept a lot, so I was on my own most of the time.”
“I liked to pretend things like chairs or beds could talk. And since AI wasn’t so advanced back then…”
“Anyway, I went to a magic show once, and there was this guy making a puppet talk.”
“My dad told me he was a ‘ventriloquist’ so I kinda obsessed about wanting to be one.”
“Even today, I’d be lying if I said that I don’t think about it every now and then.”
“So that’s why you pretend Fore can talk.”
“She what?!”
“Nothing.”
(“I’m getting hungry.”)
“Yes!”
“That’s easy!”
“And that’s one problem less.”
And about 99 (or perhaps even more) remain.
“…”
“Well then, I’ll take the next turn.”
“Yes?”
“I have old pics, cat pics, selfies. Pick one.”
_This game has a weird casual disregard for privacy. I don’t get it.”
“Wait, what?”
“Jill’s phone is a CaliCOMP. They get updates more than any other system in the world.”
“I’ve made it a weekly ritual to update my CaliCOMP hack program and she’s my guinea pig.”
“I hack into it once a week. And since she takes daily pics, I just take one for that week.”
Once again, this is creepy. Like, really creepy.
“If I’m missing a week, I just look for the missing pic and investigate.”
“Oooh, interesting.”
No it’s not!
“…you guys do know I’m still here, right?”
It’d be disturbing even if she weren’t here, really.
“A bell?”
“Food’s ready!”
“Finally!”
“Let’s go!”
“You guys go ahead. I’ll have a quick smoke outside.”
“Careful.”
(“Truth or Dare, huh…”)
“It was fun, I guess.”
”We’re just gonna ignore the whole stalking thing huh.”
“Hey.”
“Ah, Al-…”
“I mean, hello.”
“A bit late for the hello, don’t you think?”
“You know I don’t smoke.”
“Are you leaving already?”
“Yeah. Technically, we celebrated Mega Christmas yesterday…”
“…but I just got a message that Dayana is making a ruckus, so I gotta leave.”
Time to remind you that Alma’s sister sucks, because you might have forgotten!
“Good luck with that.”
“Speaking of ruckus, how have you been doing?”
“Fine, I guess. All of this has helped keep my mind off things for a while.”
“sigh”
“I-Is it weird to feel the absence of someone you had no contact with whatsoever for the last three years?”
“Ask Katyusha, or any of the ‘old literature maidens whose spouse went to war’ types.”
Russian literature contains timeless wisdom, most of it relating to depression and more depression.
“I mean, even if you had no contact with her, maybe she was constantly on your mind.”
“If you tweak the circumstances, it’s not that different from one of you going to a war.”
“I guess…”
“Well, although the circumstances make me not want to, I’ve gotta go.”
“Careful out there.”
“Oh yeah. You should take the chance and spend this time with everyone inside, don’t you think?”
“…”
“…”
“…yeah, she’s right.”
“Hey! Jill’s back!”
And now we’ve entered the last stretch of the game. Will it get any better? Will the particularly annoying patrons go away? Will there be any character development? Well…find out next time, I guess. Additionally, apologies for yet another late update, I recently finished an exam I’d been preparing about a month for and my brain just completely shut down afterwards.