Where At Least One Person Knows Your Name - Let's Play VA-11 HALL-A!

HYPE

LITERALLY NO GAMES

is anyone else tired of this monster girl meme?

No.

NO

I’m going to marry a monster girl!

I just want actual gameplay next time.

Why would you want gameplay in a Sukeban game?

idk, all I see is pretty girls with nothing to back it up.

any info on the hardware?

It’s probably going to be yet another underpowered piece of shit.

It’s not like the competition is any better.

Meh, I think I’ll just quit gaming. Nothing but trash as of late.

Yeah…remember when games were actually good and devs made them with love and care?

Me neither.

This thread is closed

Once known as the king of sports, soccer is no longer even a shadow of its former self.

After the corruption scandals of the last World Cup, fans have begun drifting towards the theatrical magic of the Pro-Wrestling industry. The latest GSF tournament pulled nearly twenty million viewers from Glitch City alone. As of this moment, fans seem to be vastly favoring pro-wrestling.

”It’s easier to follow something we know is predetermined as opposed to something that PRETENDS to be a legit sport,” said a fan outside the GSF arena.

”People kicking a ball is boring as sh*t, too.”

Something tells me the devs are bitter that football (or soccer, if you prefer) is the most popular sport.

During our weekly interview with Prime Minister QUINCY, he revealed his unusual taste for a certain rare food: fried chicken.

”I know it sounds a bit…rude to say I like something most people don’t have access to, but I just can’t deny my love for it.”

”When you taste a chicken breast like the ones that KENTA make, you just can’t go back!” QUINCY declared to the Augmented Eye.

In other news, QUINCY also expressed his desire to ban instant food, although he later said it was “in jest.”

”I wouldn’t ban instant food since that’s what people in this city like the most, and even though I hate it…no, I wouldn’t ban it.”

The “Waifu Revolution” from the 2010’s is no longer a laughing matter. What started as a trend has since gone out of control since the standardization of VR technologies, which allows people to live full-time inside their computers.

As a result of this craze, it shouldn’t be a huge surprise to know that the popular Monster Girlfriend franchise has become a commercial juggernaut, with millions of copies shipped in Glitch City alone.

Worldwide, the game has shipped nearly 90 million copies since its launch in March, making it a record holder that won’t quit.

Is the “Waifu Age” real? Well, there’s your answer!

I sure am glad that the future will be filled with even more gross fetishes and casual racism, myself.

jill “Is it? You two always make me feel like I’m late.”

dana%20regular “If it helps, that dog isn’t coming until some time later.”

The fact that Rad Shiba is one of the few people that Jill finds annoying is baffling to me, considering what some of the other characters are like.

dana%20regular “Anyway, do you have something planned for Sunday?”

jill “Watch silly Mega Christmas specials with 1000 grams of black fur on my lap. Why?”

Jill is the world’s first NEET that somehow has a job.

dana%20regular “I was thinking about holding a small Mega Christmas party here this Sunday. You in?”

jill “Sure. Why not?”

dana%20regular “Alright!”

dana%20regular “Invite any client you’re acquainted with. The more the merrier.”

jill ”Got a new weed carrier.”

jill “The raids stopped. They found whatever or whoever they were looking for.”

gil “Huh…”

jill “Anyways, we better start working.”

jill “Time to mix drinks and change lives.”

jill “Welcome to Valha-…”

jill “…”

jill “…”

norma “I want…a…Fluffy Dream.”

jill “…”

jill “May I see your ID, please?”

Jill can tell she’s underage? All the female characters in this game look like they’re around the same age, barring Dorothy, who just looks EVEN younger.

norma “I don’t have an ID because…um…”

norma “I’m the ghost of Mega Christmas Past!”

Have to admit, not liking this Dickens adaptation. I prefer the Muppet Christmas Carol myself.

norma “I’ll haunt you constantly unless you give me a Fluffy Dream.”

jill “Do you have money to pay for the drinks?”

norma “Well, I…”

jill “DO YOU?”

I don’t think money is the issue here, Jill.

norma “Yes! I-I have money.”

jill “…”

It sure is a good thing she ordered a drink which isn’t necessarily alcoholic.

norma “Wow, I actually got a drink!”

jill “…”

jill “So, who are you here to stalk, Miss Ghost of Mega Christmas Past?”

norma “Stalk? Oh right! I’m a ghost.”

norma “Uh…that guy! Yeah.”

jill “Which employee did you leave without a Mega Christmas, Gil?”

Gil has ruined five Mega Christmases and saved at least three.

gil “Jill, please.”

jill (“It would’ve been funny if he reacted to that.”)

jill “Sorry kid, I’m not in the mood to humor you today unless you have some sort of ID.”

norma “…here.”

jill ”This is just a crude drawing of a dick.”

jill “…well, in a year or so, I would gladly serve you a drink.”

I’m surprised that Glitch City even has a legal drinking age. Then again, they probably don’t enforce it much.

jill “But until then, this is no place for you.”

norma “But I already got a drink!”

jill “A non-alcoholic one.”

Syke.

jill “You didn’t expect me to really give you a drink, right?”

norma “Uh…”

jill “So, if you would please leave…”

norma “I-I can’t leave! Not after trying so hard to even get here.”

jill “…”

jillsigh

jill “Alright, let’s start from the beginning, Miss…Norma.”

norma “How did you know my name?”

jill ”I’m a mind reader.”

jill “I saw your ID.”

norma “It could’ve been a fake ID.”

jill “I don’t think you’re stupid enough to make a fake ID that DOESN’T put you at 18 at the very least.”

norma “…!”

norma “You’re very sharp, Miss Bartender.”

Is she, though? Anyone can read an ID.

jill “You look like a nice girl, Norma. Why come to a bar like this?”

To get fucked up, one would assume.

norma “Uh…um…”

norma “You seem like you’re in a bad mood, Miss Bartender.”

gil “Nah, she’s just like that all the time.”

jill “Shut up.”

jillsigh Sorry if I’ve been harsh.”

jill “These last couple of days have been…heavy.”

Not to spoil anything, but you don’t know the half of it, Jill.

jill “And having someone underage here reminds me of a certain…incident from last week.”

norma “Incident?”

Yeah, Jill, you’re gonna need to specify. Half of your clientele are walking incidents.

jill “Well…”

Five hours later.

jill ”…and that’s why I’m no longer allowed step foot in Neo-San Francisco.”

jill “…don’t change the subject, young lady. Why did you come here?”

norma “What do you care?! I can do whatever I want!”

Ah, to be a teen again.

jill “Unless it’s illegal. In which case anyone can, should, and probably will stop you.”

norma “…”

norma “I just…just wanted to be more wild, you know?”

jill “Wild?”

norma “My mom puts way too many expectations on my shoulders.”

norma “I’ve always been out to make sure I don’t disappoint her.”

norma “But it’s never enough! It’s not good enough to have good grades.”

norma “She also wants me to go out and take a college preparation course.”

norma “And I’m tired! I don’t wanna do things for her anymore!”

jill “So you came to a bar.”

norma “Maybe if I came back home smelling like alcohol, she would leave me alone.”

norma “If I’m not good enough for her, I might as well kill any hope she has in me.”

jill “It’s funny. I have a friend who is also being pressured by her mother.”

norma “Really?”

jill “Yeah, but in her case, it’s being pressured to settle down and form a family.”

norma “Oh…”

jill “So, let me get this straight. You came here to make your mother disappointed?”

Defying parental authority is like, Being A Teenager 101, Jill, get with the program.

norma “Yes.”

jill “Do you like alcohol?”

norma “Actually, I think it’s nasty.”

jill “Then you’re doing things wrong.”

norma “What?”

jill “If you’re gonna disappoint your mom, at least do it with something you like.”

Spite is an absurdly powerful motivator.

jill “Like…become a belly dancer because you wanna be a belly dancer.”

jill “Otherwise you’re just trying to hurt her for the sake of hurting her.”

jill “Let’s start with something. What do you like doing?”

norma “I…don’t know.”

norma “I’ve been so focused on trying to be good enough that I haven’t been able to think about what I wanna do.”

That seems to a trend with kids that get straight A’s in school.

jill “Don’t you think you should start there?”

norma “Eh?”

jill “What good is doing something just for the sake of hurting someone?”

jill “If she gets disappointed in you over something you like doing, you have the right to protest.”

jill “But if you’re hurting her by hurting yourself over something you don’t enjoy…”

norma “Sounds silly, huh.”

jill “Very.”

jill “Go home. Do some self-discovery before hurting your mom, would you?”

jill ”Get yourself together, man. Move to Philly. Buy a loft. Start a noise band. Get six or seven roommates. Eat hummus with them. Book some gigs. Paint. Smoke cloves. Listen to Animal Collective. Start some type of salsa company.”

jill “Or at the very least, humor her until you’re old enough to move out.”

norma “Yeah, you’re right.”

norma “…thanks, Miss Bartender.”

jill “Call me Jill.”

jill “Careful out there!”

gil “In the end you did humor her for a bit.”

jill “Shut up.”

norma “Oh! A doggy!”

rad%20shiba “Hello little girl!”

jill “Oh shit.”

jill “You’re late.”

rad%20shiba “Missed me, J?”

jill “…”

jill “You’re too early.”

jill “Boss, will he be any good around here?”

He’s here to provide moral support, clearly.

rad%20shiba “I’m right here.”

jill “I know.”

dana%20regular “Of course, I spent lots of time training him. Why do you think he didn’t show up last week?”

jill “Because how the hell would I know you’d bring a PART-TIMER DOG?!”

dana%20regular “Here, let me show you.”

dana%20regular “Sit.”

rad%20shiba “SIR YES SIR.”

dana%20regular “Roll.”

rad%20shiba “SIR YES SIR.”

dana%20regular “Paw.”

rad%20shiba “SIR YES SIR.”

jill “Training…of course.”

jill “He’s only shouting “sir yes sir” and not doing anything else though.”

dana%20peeved “I never said I did a PERFECT job.”

jill “Hm? Is that a motorcycle?”

gil “In the end, he’s just a dog, I guess.”

jill “Y-Yes?”

mario “…bathroom.”

jill “Oh, sorry. It’s only for clients.”

mario%20shocked “…”

Me too, buddy. That policy is atrocious.

jill “Oh…um…promise me you’ll buy something afterwards. It’s that door over there.”

dana%20regular “Who the hell are you?”

jill “The other one!”

jill “Sheesh…”

dana%20regular “I said get out of my desk!”

rad%20shiba “But the world’s ending!”

dana%20regular “It was just a motorcycle.”

rad%20shiba “They’re the 4 Riders, then!”

dana%20regular “Those are horsemen, and it already stopped.”

jill “Don’t mention it.”

mario “I need to buy something now, right?”

jill “Oh no, you don’t have to. Sorry if it looked like I meant to inconvenience you.”

mario “No, I’ll order something. I need a rest anyways.”

jill “What can I get you?”

mario%20blushing “A…Piano Woman…would be nice.”

jill “Sorry, didn’t hear you.”

mario%20shockedahem I’ll have a Marsblast.”

jill “Eh…sure.”

Long story short: we serve him the drinks he actually wants before he finally embraces that he doesn’t need to be masc.

mario%20smiling “…”

jill “You look happy.”

mario%20shocked “Shut up.”

jill “Is that motorcycle out there yours, mister…?”

mario “Call me Mario. And yes, it’s mine.”

mario “Sorry for the noise.”

jill “Oh, don’t worry. It’s not like you stayed outside too long or anything.”

jill “So, what do you work as, Mario?”

mario%20smiling “I live to paint the roads black with my wheels, leaving the trail of my engine’s sounds wherever I go.”

mario%20smiling “I’m a rebel. Fuck the red lights! Fuck the speed limits! Fuck the helmet laws! The roads are mine and mine only. I am-…”

A jackass?

Ooh, is she gonna dress up as a cocktail, spin a sign around and stuff? Sounds dope.

mario%20smiling “Hello doggie!”

rad%20shiba “Hello shady guy!”

mario%20shocked “S-Shady…”

jill “Alright.”

gil “Careful.”

mario “Who was she?”

jill “Oh, she’s my boss.”

mario “She was cute.”

mario%20blushing “Err…not that you’re not cute. And it’s not like I’m into girls either.”

mario%20blushing “Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I just…”

That’s certainly one way to come out, I guess.

jill “So, where do you work, Mario?”

mario “I told you, I’m a rebel, I…”

jill “Rebels can’t maintain those bikes for too long. What’s your DAY job?”

mario “…I’m a delivery boy.”

Only semi-related, but do you ever start ordering from a place so frequently that the delivery people start to recognize you? Because I’ve done that.

jill “That’s really appropriate, I guess.”

jill “What do you deliver?”

mario “I’m from a courier company. So it’s kinda like mail, I guess.”

mario “I’m always around the city and I know it like the palm of my hand.”

mario “Sure, I might not remember every building, but I remember every intersection and every street.”

jill “That’s nice. I still can’t take detours without feeling totally lost.”

mario%20smiling “Try guiding yourself with the help of landmarks. Around here, the Saber Station’s antenna is a good reference.”

mario “Err…I mean…what do I care? Fix that yourself, b-bitch.”

jill “Do you want anything else, Mario?”

mario “I guess a Moonblast would be nice.”

jill “Moonblast?”

mario%20shocked “EEEEEEH GUT PUNCH. Yeah, that…one.”

Embrace the fem within you, Mario.

jill “…”

Same process as before.

mario “Heh…this is good.”

jill “It’s a Moonblast.”

mario%20shocked “…”

mario%20shocked “I…”

mario “No, nevermind.”

jill “Say, Mario. Why do you try so hard to keep up that tough guy image?”

Depends on if you want a long ass LGBT history lesson, Jill.

mario “…it isn’t working?”

jill “Maybe when you arrived and had to go to the bathroom, but after that you just looked…cute.”

mario “Cute…”

jill “So, why do it?”

mario “Bikers are supposed to be scary, right?”

Suuure, that’s why.

mario “Rebels that cause trouble and ride free from society’s ties.”

jill “If we applied that brand of logic here, I should be wearing one third of my clothes and lighting drinks on fire.”

mario%20blushing “I guess.”

jill “You can do whatever you want and dress however you want. It’s just that you look like you’re trying so hard.”

jill “Like you really don’t enjoy that.”

mario “…it’s not a LIE.”

jill “Who says you can’t dress as a biker and still be a nice kid?”

mario “Yeah, but other bikers…”

It’s just like that old cliche your parents said about peer pressure and jumping off of bridges.

jill “That sounded like something someone in high school would say.”

mario%20shocked “Ugh…”

jillsigh It’s just advice. Don’t take it too personally.”

mario “No, you’re right. I don’t have to be that way.”

jill “Unless you want to. I ain’t stopping you there.”

mario “Yeah, but I don’t. It’s tiring and I don’t feel good.”

jill “If you want, you can try to stay quiet. You were pretty intimidating when you did that.”

He was?

mario “I see.”

jill “Will you have another drink or did you have too many already?”

mario “I can handle another one. Get me a Fringe Weaver.”

jill “Sure.”

We did it, kids!

mario “Yup, that’s the one. Thanks.”

mario “Say, that guy over there.”

jill “Gil? What’s up with him?”

mario “Are you dating him?”

jill ”Fuck no.”

jill “No.”

mario “Is he seeing anyone?”

jill “Not as far as I know.”

mario “Do you think he…”

jill “He…?”

Oh come on, Jill. Be a good wingman.

mario%20shocked “No, nevermind! I said nothing.”

jill “Please come again.”

jill “…”

jill “Ah, Gil. You heartbreaking fuckboy.”

Took you long enough.

gil “Eh? What?”

jill “Nothing.”

jill “I’ll be taking my break now, Gil.”

gil “Okay. Careful.”

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That thing about dictionaries is an actual thing, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to compare two dictionaries word-by-word to find a made-up word. Might actually prefer playing this game to that. Only just, though.

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VA-11 HALL-A is my favorite edutainment game.

Due to preparing for exams and internet troubles (currently using mobile data to write this!) there will be no update this week. But because I still felt like posting something, here’s me attempting to liveblog a terrible analysis of VA-11 HALL-A.

jill “Alright, back to business.”

Well, that’s a fitting way to begin this update, considering our accidental short hiatus.

jill “Any luck?”

dana%20regular “I managed to give out some flyers, but most people were distracted by the dog.”

dana%20peeved “I had to tell them to go to the Rad Shiba Bar to get their attention.”

jill “Oh.”

:tw: Once again, it is Her. :tw:

dorothy “The door opens, and the crowd goes wild when they see AAAAAAAAAAGH! DOOOOOOOOOG!”

dorothy%20nervous “H-H-Honey…some help here.”

jill “Hey dog, I heard cats in the alley.”

Why, Jill, why.

jill “Wow. You really are bad with dogs, eh?”

dorothy%20upset “Did I make it too obvious?”

I’m pretty sure that Dorothy being as subtle as a sledgehammer is her defining character trait.

jill “Why though?”

dorothy%20upset “I don’t know.”

dorothy “Oh, hey John!”

gil “Hey.”

dorothy “I think it’s because I just got that trait at random.”

An in-depth look into the process of writing VA-11 HALL-A.

dorothy “When AIs are created, they’re given fears or tastes completely at random.”

dorothy “I just happened to get stuck with a fear of dogs and chinchillas.”

jill “Chinchillas are extinct, though.”

I mean, I used to have a fear of black holes when I was a kid, so it could be worse.

dorothy%20upset “Thank gods.”

jill “What will you have?”

dorothy “Well, it’s that time of the month, so I’ll have a Bleeding Jane.”

jill “Coming right…um…up.”

jill “”That time of the month”…do Lilim menstruate?”

My favorite thing about cyberpunk is that it deals with philosophical questions.

dorothy “Yes, oil.”

dorothy%20flirty “No, silly. We don’t.”

dorothy “There are a few maintenance things we have to do every month, but those are a different story.”

jill “Then what time of the month is it?”

dorothy%20smiling “The time when I feel like drinking a Bleeding Jane.”

jill “…”

jill “So, how’s business?”

dorothy “You’d be surprised by how many people get struck by holiday depression and need some Dorothy in their lives.”

The ideal amount of people that need Dorothy in their lives is zero.

dorothy%20upset “Although it’s also the season with the most competition.”

jill “I didn’t know you had competition.”

dorothy “Of course I do, both humans and Lilim. Half of them got a sexy Santa dress and that’s not fair!”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “They were sold out! I wanted one too!”

dorothy “But maybe it’s better that way.”

jill “How so?”

dorothy “The other girls like to dress in skimpy clothes and show off lots of skin. That scares off lots of people.”

dorothy “I learned that the best way to maintain regulars is to just dress normally.”

And as we all know, maid outfits are Extremely Regular.

jill “Really?”

dorothy “If I dress normally, they can just pretend I’m some acquaintance. No need to hide me until reaching the room.”

dorothy “Hell, some even invite me to a dinner or a movie before anything else.”

Do the devs not realize how creepy that would look to passers-by?

dorothy%20upset “Although I must say it’s a bit hard to get the clients in the first place. They can’t tell what I do at a glance.”

dorothy%20upset “And the first time they see me after a call they think I’m just making a prank or something.”

jill “Huh, I never saw it that way.”

jill “Which reminds me. Do you serve only humans or do you serve Lilim too?”

dorothy “Humans only, but I do have an “at least 40% organic” policy.”

jill “40%?”

dorothy “Human from the neck up. Dicks preferably organic, but I can make exceptions.”

dorothy “For females, I’m not so strict though.”

How the hell these people managed to do a crossover with a studio that explicitly focuses on LGBT content is beyond me.

jill “Hm…”

dorothy “Why? Do you know someone that might be interested?”

jill “No, just mere curiosity.”

dorothy “Well, your curiosity made me thirsty. Get me a Blue Fairy. A big one, would you?”

I’ve never seen A.I. but somehow I feel like it would probably be better than this game.

jill “Alright.”

dorothy “I wonder if anyone has seen fairies after a couple of these.”

Fun fact! Hallucinations are actually a symptom of delirium tremens.

jill “Some guy tested that by drinking as many as he could.”

jill “He thought he saw one, but he was dizzy and what he’d seen was his puke.”

dorothy “Oh.”

jill “You know, earlier today there was a Mega Christmas spirit around here.”

jill ”And then you showed up.”

dorothy “What about it?”

jill (“That I’m realizing I made a fuss about serving drinks to someone underaged, but here I am.”)

jill “Nothing in particular, just a funny story.”

dorothy%20smiling “I have a funny story myself. It’s the Mega Santa prank!”

jillsigh The what?”

:tw: I don’t exactly know how to classify this, but I think pedophilia and sexual assault will do. :tw:

dorothy%20flirty “Heh. It’s a prank I pull every year.”

dorothy “First, I pick a mall, wait for a day with lots of people.”

dorothy “Then I go to Santa’s lap, and when he asks what I want…”

dorothy “I say in the most innocent tone I can muster…”

dorothy%20smiling “”I want you to make me a woman!””

Yeah, no. That’s not funny. Fuck you, Sukeban Games. Fuck you.

dorothy%20smiling “Sometimes they try to cover it up. “The Lilim wants to be human!””

dorothy%20flirty “It’s then when I say, “No. I. Want. You.””

jill “…”

dorothy%20upset “After that I say, “Well, at the very least I want a dildo, a big pink one. Or a very bumpy cucumber!””

dorothy “Sometimes I spice it up. Instead of cucumbers I ask for a pony and a crane to lift him.”

dorothy “I once thought about screaming, “Help! I’m being molested!””

dorothy “But I remembered it was a prank, I didn’t want to ruin the guys life.”

jill “How considerate.”

dorothy “Although I did get a client that way. He became a regular soon after.”

What.

jill “Huh.”

dorothy “But yeah, three years and they still don’t get that it’s always me.”

jill “Oh yeah, how old are you?”

dorothy%20smiling “Old enough for anything you want.”

jill “Numbers. I need numbers.”

dorothy%20flirty “Are you really asking a girl her age that way? Okay then, tell me your age first.”

jill “27.”

dorothy%20pout “No fair! You didn’t get fidgety or anything like that.”

dorothy%20pout “Fiiiine. I’ll tell you.”

dorothy “My model’s designed to look between 10 to 13 years old. But my last checkup said my mental age was 24.”

Can you tell that the devs watch a lot of garbage anime?

jill “How long since you’ve been deployed?”

dorothy%20flirty “That’s a secret I’ll keep with me~”

jill “Fair enough.”

dorothy “I expected you to get all uncomfortable talking about your age though. Why didn’t you?”

Because that’s a normal reaction?

jill “With how dangerous everything’s been lately, every year you get matters.”

jill “Getting old isn’t a curse, it’s an achievement.”

dorothy “You should make a shirt with that. Because if you don’t, I will.”

jill “Feel free to do so.”

jill “Do you want anything else?”

dorothy “Let’s see…”

dorothy “Oh! A Cobalt Velvet. It’s been a while since I’ve tried one of those.”

jill “Alright.”

This drink has to be a Lynch reference, right?

dorothy “Yup, this is the one.”

jill “Do you like it?”

dorothy “I don’t dislike it. I guess I’m not mature enough for these drinks.”

dorothy “Hey, honey. What day’s today?”

jill “Wednesday.”

dorothy “No, the number. The number!”

jill “Number? 21.”

jill “Shouldn’t you know that?”

dorothy%20pout “I’m a Lilim, not a calendar.”

jill “I thought you would know that much.”

dorothy%20pout “Next you’re gonna tell me to make some convoluted calculation.”

We’re getting into some dangerous David Cage territory here.

jill “Y-You can’t?”

dorothy%20upset “I could if I put my mind to it, but it’s not something I have quick access to.”

dorothy%20upset “Yes, I have an inner calendar and a calculator, but those are used in lots of other operations every second.”

dorothy “I COULD do all that, but it’s a lot quicker to just ask you.”

jill “I see.”

jill “Why do you need the date though?”

Pay no mind to the television in the background. This definitely isn’t foreshadowing or connected to any characters that we might have previously met.

dorothy “Oh! But don’t worry, it’s nothing dangerous or anything like that, just…heavy.”

jill “Would you like some help?”

dorothy “Would you help me?”

jill “If you tell me what it is you need help with.”

dorothy “…maybe later. I have to go now.”

jill “Bye.”

gil “Do you think she really can’t access calendars and calculators that easily?”

jill “I guess it’s kinda like how even if a text processor can access the computer’s calendar, you don’t use it for that.”

gil “Why didn’t you tell her you missed her yesterday?”

jill “Forgot about it.”

Rad Shiba deserves a raise for almost making Dorothy leave, to be honest.

jill “Why not look again?”

And just who is this? Well, thanks to the delays and the length of this particular day, there’ll be a special update this Wednesday so we can sort of get back on track.

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gaby “…”

gil “Maybe the bar got popular at some middle school?”

One time this restaurant near my primary school got popular among kids and they just started taking their sugar and honey packets for free. I still have no idea why they did that.

jill “That would be a hassle.”

jill “Oh gods, maybe Alma was right.”

Sidenote: why does Jill say “oh gods” like she’s a character in a bad, pulpy fantasy series?

gil “Right about what?”

jill “Well, the other day I was asking her opinion on the whole Alice_Rabbit thing.”

jill “Before the whole massive transmission hack thing.”

jill “And at some point she talked about hacking becoming a fad and said:”

jill “”Imagine if, suddenly, a group of tweens broke into this bar and started asking for drinks.””

jill “And today, there have been two kids already.”

gaby “…”

jill “Eeeeeh…”

gil “How would bartending become a fad?”

jill “Maybe a cartoon?”

There’s probably an anime about bartending, at least.

gil “Kids’ cartoons don’t show any alcohol.”

jill “True.”

gaby “…”

jill “Um…”

jill “Excuse me, Miss…”

gaby “…”

jill “This is no place for kids, so you should…”

gaby “…”

jill “Um…”

jill “Gil, she’s staring too much. And she’s saying nothing.”

jill ”She’s just standing there…menacingly!”

gil “She’s not ordering anything, she’s not causing trouble and there’s nothing inappropriate here.”

gil “I mean, nothing inappropriate aside from alcohol. But alcohol is everywhere anyways.”

Considering the clientele, I think there are plenty more inappropriate things.

jill “So what do you suggest?”

gil “Let her be? Maybe she’s just curious about the bar.”

jill “She’s saying nothing.”

gil “Maybe she’s curious AND shy.”

gil “Also, it’s rude to speak about people you have in front of you like they can’t hear you.”

gil ”That’s what the brackets are for, Jill.”

jill “Yeah…”

jill “…”

gaby “…”

A riveting conversation.

jill “…”

gil “Jill.”

jill “BWAH!”

gil “How the hell did I startle you?”

jill “What do you want?”

gil “Can you help me out here with a Beer?”

jill “R-Right…”

gil “Thanks. And lower your guard a bit, please.”

gil “Oh yeah, before I forget.”

gil “The disposal unit comes on Sunday. Do you have any expired ingredients on your side?”

jill “Oh right. Yeah.”

jill “There’s a bottle of Karmotrine that’s like a month past expiration.”

Expiration rates can be pretty unreliable at times though.

gil “Put it by the sink so I remember to dispose of it.”

jill “Thanks.”

jill “…!”

jill “Y-Yes?”

gaby “Are you happy?”

She works at Valhalla. What do you think?

jill “Am I happy? Well…that’s a weird question.”

jill “I’m not sad, I guess. I’m not jubilant, but…”

gaby “No, I mean, are you happy with your life? With your choices?”

jill “Deep question…”

jill “I mean, I might have one or two regrets but I guess it could be worse.”

gaby “Regrets?”

jill “Yeah, I mean…don’t we all?”

gaby “I see…”

Is this girl just Nega-Jill or something?

gaby “…”

jill “Um…”

gaby “…”

jill “…”

Yeah, this update is kind of a lot of pointless filler.

gil “Hey Jill.”

jill “BWAH!”

gil “…again? Aren’t you a bit on edge?”

jill “Maybe. What did you want?”

gil “Didn’t you borrow the screwdriver the other day?”

jill “I did, why?”

gil “I forgot to take the coins from the arcades in the corner last week.”

gil “So I need it to take them out.”

jill “Oh, let’s see…”

jill “Here.”

jill “It’s not like they see much action these days anyways.”

I know it’d be extremely impractical and unprofitable but arcade machines should make a comeback.

gil “Chump change is still money. Pocket change has saved my ass many times.”

jill “What? Did you throw it in someone’s face while escaping?”

gil “That only happened once and the old lady started it!”

jill “…right.”

jill “Why does an arcade still use coins nowadays? Or physical money, when you get down to it.”

gil “For the reason arcades still exist. Nostalgia.”

jill “Maybe.”

gaby “…”

Like I said before, a LOT of pointless filler.

jill “E-Eh? Yeah?”

gaby “Do you recognize me?”

jill “Recognize you?”

jill “…I want to say I do, but…eh…”

jill “Sorry.”

jill “Sister? Sorry, but I don’t have any sis-…”

jill “…sister?”

Jeez, Jill, you’re worse than a Metal Gear protagonist.

gaby “Not even a “sister in law”?”

jill “…”

jill “…no way. Gaby? Is that really you?”

jill “God, I’m so sorry, but you’ve just grown so much since I last saw you.”

jill “How long has it been?”

gaby “…three years.”

jill “R-Right.”

gil “So you know her?”

jill “Yeah. She’s actually my girlfr-…my ex’s sister.”

jill “Um…so, how have you been doing?”

Master of small talk.

gaby “I actually had to transfer schools, and I managed to skip a grade thanks to the admission tests.”

gaby “I’ll be out of middle school next year.”

Is middle school a thing anywhere besides America? Genuinely curious.

jill “You’ve always been a smart one, so it’s no surprise._

jill “Have you thought about what you want to study in college? You always said you wanted to be a scientist?”

gaby “I don’t know yet. I guess I still have a couple of years to think about that.”

jill “Well, don’t feel pressured about that. Maybe you’ll need a sabbatical year?”

jill “S-So…how’s Lenore?”

gil “Wait, who’s Lenore?”

jill “Her sister, she’s…um…she was my girlfriend.”

Okay, to be honest, I kinda like the signs that Jill isn’t really over her ex. It’s cute.

gil “So you actually had a relationship with something that’s not a cat? Color me surprised!”

jill “Hey…don’t talk shit about my baby.”

jillahem

jill “So, how’s Lenore doing?”

And now we finally get to the actual meat of this day’s plot. And it’s kind of a lot and I’m actually not sure how to feel about it. On the one hand, killing off gay characters is an ancient cliche by this point, but I also think the way this game portrays people dealing grief in a…fairly realistic manner.

jill “…”

jill “Sorry, I don’t think I heard right.”

gaby%20sad “My sister is dead, Jill. She died last Saturday. I came all the way to tell you the news.”

jill “Come on Gaby, stop fooling arou-…”

gaby%20mad “My sister was left to suffer her disease alone while you were all merry here, mixing drinks and chatting!”

jill “Wait, Lenore was sick? Of what? Since when?”

gaby “Localized Nanomachine Rejection. It gave her a heart attack.”

gaby “She started complaining about chest pains not long after you left.”

gaby%20mad “Was all the talk about getting your freedom worth it, Jill?”

jill “Why are you lashing out at me like that?! Did I infect her with the disease that killed her?”

gaby%20crying “No, but. It’s too much of a coincidence that she started getting worse and worse right after you left!”

gaby%20crying “She got visibly sick after your fight. It’d be no surprise if that fight played a key role in killing her!”

jill “But that’s just speculation, you can’t expect-…”

gaby%20crying “And all of that because you wanted “freedom”?!”

gaby%20crying “What kind of freedom is so enticing that it makes you hurt a nice three-year-old relationship?!”

gaby%20crying “Was this freedom so important you cut all contact with us?!”

gaby%20crying “Was this freedom so good you left everything behind?!”

gaby%20crying “Was this freedom worth the life of my-…”

jill “SHUT UP!”

jill “I didn’t kill your sister, for fuck’s sake! It’s not like I infected her with that Nanomachine Rejection!”

jill “Hell, this is the first time I’ve even heard she was sick!”

gaby%20shocked “…”

jill “And do you really know what kind of fear drove me to have that argument with your sister?!”

jill “Do you even understand the fear of feeling your youth slip through your fingers?!”

jill “Do you think it was all easy for me?! I was scared! I’m still scared! But I needed to grab a hold of my life!”

jill “But it has nothing to do with your sister!”

jill “I-I loved her… Do you think that fight didn’t hurt me too?”

jill “I…”

gaby%20crying “…”

I’m tempted to sympathize with Jill here, but like, kids have a fucking hard time dealing with loss and they’re gonna do shitty things. I might just be reading a bit too much into the bad video game, though.

jill “…”

jill “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”

jill “…”

jill “I… I…”

gil “I’ll make sure that girl gets to wherever she wants to go safely.”

dana%20regular “Come on, Jill. Let’s take you home.”

jill “…”

jill “…”

dana%20regular “Hey Jill, you wanna grab something to eat?”

jill “…”

jill “…I’m not hungry.”

dana%20regular “Want me to come in? Keep you company?”

jill “…I-I’m fine, I just…sniff I just need to be alone for a bit.”

dana%20regular “Jill…”

dana%20regular “You can tell me what you’re feeling, it’s okay.”

jill “IT’S NOT OKAY!!”

jill “It’s…it’s not…”

jill “…”

dana%20regular “Come here Jill, come here.”

jillsniff I-It’s just…I feel like part of me is crumbling right now. “

jill “M-My old girlfriend was sick and I didn’t know anything about it!”

jill “Her sister came to deliver the news, and she held nothing but animosity for me…”

jill “And not only that, but I lashed out at her too! History fucking repeats itself.”

jill “Maybe if I hadn’t cowered back then and apologized…”

jill “Maybe if I wasn’t such a selfish little shit…”

jill “Maybe…”

jill “…m-maybe…”

jillsniff

dana%20regular “…”

jill “Thanks, Boss. I really needed this.”

dana%20regular “Do you want me to stay with you today?”

jill “Thanks, but I actually need some time for myself.”

jill “Some me time to put my thoughts in order.”

dana%20regular “Yeah, I understand.”

dana%20regular “But don’t do anything funny, you hear me?”

dana%20regular “If any weird thoughts come to you, or if you feel too anxious, call me.”

jill “Yeah.”

dana%20regular “…”

dana%20regular “Hey Fore! She’s in your care, you hear?”

fore “Meow.”

dana%20regular “Remember to call me. I’ll call you later to check on you nonetheless.”

jill “…”

And there we have it, one of the rare actually good parts of the game, at least in my opinion. They’ll probably ruin it with boob jokes and whatnot in the next update, so let’s savor this.

1 Like

Yeah I think I’m more on the “you killed off the gay you asshats” side of this conundrum.

I think a game about a bartender where the plot is revealed to you by conversations you have with customers CAN be good and compelling but this game didn’t do it. By necessity it’s going to break the “show don’t tell” rule a lot so you need to really go hard on the bits you CAN show. So I kinda feel like Jill just shouting “I also was upset about that fight” doesn’t sell the moment as well as it ought to.

Is this the greatest thing to ever grace planet earth?

I literally can’t stop touching myself

Such a high quality release.

BUT WHY IS THE CAMO BLURRY

I think it’s a regulation for the civilian models.

Something’s off. I’d be all over this normally but I can’t seem to get excited over this.

Your shit taste is showing.

Nah, I just think I’m kind of desens…descen…I’m kind of tired of the same thing over and over.

That’s what happens when you consume way too much fucking military equipment and weapons.

Yeah I think it’s that. I better stop buying so many weapons already or I’ll never find pleasure in them again.

Any word on the Camo stuff for other civilian weaponry?

They said they were going to announce more stuff on a later date.

I like porn, you guys.

THIS THREAD IS CLOSED

Anyone else remember that the userbase for danger/u/ is supposed to be primarily female? Because the devs sure didn’t. These parts just remain as gross and dumb as ever.

Fans of the famous “Cyber Idol” Kira MIki are in for a huge party, all thanks to the announcement of a second concert in Glitch City’s Silver Thunder Super Dome.

”I’m so excited to extend my visit!” declared the Cyber Idol during an interview.

Tickets are now up for sale and expected to disappear in a matter of minutes, so be quick and secure the best spots!

You can get tickets from the following retailers:

TicketLord Idol Hell

We have nanomachines tracking people 24/7. However, due to the violent protests that have taken place recently, Prime Minister QUINCY is now proposing a new law that will allow the government to “shut down” anyone with nanomachines in their body, using a pulse signal.

”Many people died during the protests, and that could’ve been avoided if we had more control over the masses,” QUINCY said during a parliament meeting. “We have the technology to simply shut down lawbreakers. It’s a non-lethal way to end any kind of conflict and it’s common sense to use it at this point.”

When asked about the possible negative consequences, QUINCY refused to make any further comments.

Ever since Giant Yusuke won the GSF belt, he’s had nothing but negative responses from the fans.

Challenger after challenger has tried to take the title away from the imposing giant, but nearly all of them were injured in the process.

66 American Kid surprised the GSF world by returning to action almost four months earlier than expected, and then challenging Giant Yusuke to a title match on January 4th at the Super Silver Thunder Dome.

”This January, I’ll become the champion GSF deserves!” 66 American Kid proclaimed during a promotion in front of 25,000 fans in the Kokoro Hall.

jill “I feel like shit.”

gil “You sure you should’ve come then? You’re in the alright to stay at home.”

jill “I have to come.”

In another game, this could have led to an insightful analysis. Unfortunately, this is VA-11 HALL-A.

jill “I threw away everything I had in my life to be here.”

jill “People I loved were pushed aside so I could enjoy my freedom of being here.”

jill “My stupid, stupid freedom…”

jill “…”

jill “So I will come here until I die, even after the bar closes, until my hair falls out.”

gil “You’re the one who looks like she’s about to fall apart.”

A master at pointing out the obvious and implied.

gil “Your eyes are red and swollen.”

jill “Yeah? Well…your hair is…hairy!”

gil “Yes, it is.”

jill “Agh! Who was the dipshit that changed the order of the glasses?”

gil “It was me. I was the one washing dishes yesterday, remember?”

jill “Oh yeah, I was too busy staring at my crumbling life and all that.”

gil%20exasperated “Why don’t you go home, Jill? You’re in no position to deal with people right now.”

gil%20exasperated “Go home, rest a bit.”

Honestly though he’s kinda right.

jill “My girlfrie-…my ex-girlfriend died and I wasn’t there to see her one last time.”

jill “All because of a fight I spent all these years regretting and wishing to, but never actually apologizing for.”

jill “My decision to assert my freedom and grab a hold of my life led me to this.”

jill “A bartender strapped for cash that distanced herself from her loved ones for no other reason than selfishness.”

jill “So I won’t fucking leave. I threw all of that away to be here, so here I will stay!”

jill “This is what I wanted, this is why I left all of that behind, this is why…”

jill “…”

gil%20exasperated “See? You’re starting to sound like a broken record.”

Do “not working” and “having company” have to be diametrically opposed, though?

dana%20regular “How are you feeling, Jill?”

jill “I feel like a shit-eating piece of shit.”

jill “I’m the lowest of any possible life form you might find.”

jill “Nanobes look down to me in disgust, knowing they’re far superior.”

dana%20regular “You’re spirited, that’s good.”

jill “Where’s the mutt?”

dana%20regular “Working with CIRA.”

gil “‘At’ CIRA.”

dana%20peeved “I know what I said.”

dana%20regular “In any case, let Jill process her anger. It’s perfectly normal to feel that way.”

dana%20regular “And here, she’s surrounded by people that care about her.”

Also a good excuse to keep her working, I guess.

dana%20regular “That’s a lot better than leaving her to fend for herself.”

dana%20regular “I mean, as smart as Fore can be, he’s still just a cat.”

gil “Then why not have Jill stay, but not serve anyone today?”

jill “What part of ‘I won’t leave’ didn’t you understand?!”

jill “I didn’t leave everyone behind just to sit and do nothing!”

gil%20exasperated “Fine, fine…”

gil%20exasperatedsigh What do we do if she lashes out at a client?”

dana%20regular “That’s why you’re here, Gillian Pliskin.”

Somehow I feel like the devs are only familiar with that name through Metal Gear.

gil “Who?”

dana%20regular “Hey Jill.”

jill “What?”

dana%20regular “I’ll be in my office, but if you need a break or a hug, just tell me.”

jill “…”

virgilio “The hall of heroes keeps shining. Brimming with the… sniff Do I smell tacos? Wait, it’s outside. Nevermind.

jill “Oh, hell no.”

jill “…Virgilio. What can I get you?”

virgilio “Today, the luminous pollution on the streets makes it seem almost like a starry sky.”

virgilio “And when I think about stars, I think about celebrities. Celebrities are fishy and my favorite fish is the octopus.”

virgilio “So I want something octopus-like.”

jill “…”

virgilio “Aren’t you…gonna do that weird bartending thing?”

jill “I’m waiting for you to order like a decent human being.”

Moral of the day: don’t be a dick to service workers, ever.

virgilio “I’m not following.”

jill “Spell out your order like you’re a human who is not in need of medical help.”

virgilio%20peeved “Fine then, I want a Sparkle Star. S-P-A-R-R…kle Star.”

jill “…”

virgilio%20peeved “Have you TRIED to spell under pressure?”

virgilio “You look angry, Spelling Bartender. Are you having that time of the month or something?”

Haha, casual misogyny.

jill “No, I’m just filled with ridiculous amounts of anger, pain, and self-hate, and…”

jill “…on second thought, you’re not that far from the truth, I guess.”

virgilio%20upset “I get those too, you know? Periods.”

jill “…you do?”

God forbid trans people exist in this universe, or something.

virgilio%20smiling “Yes. Last month, I finally got over my Renaissance and moved to my Enlightenment.”

jill “…”

jill “And here I was, thinking you’d get to say something serious for once.”

virgilio%20peeved “Are you implying I’m not serious?”

jill “…”

virgilio%20peeved “Glaring holes through me will do nothing. I’m glare-immune!”

jillsigh

virgilio “But if you allow me to give you a sincere piece of advice…”

jill “…whatever. It’s not like it’ll help.”

virgilio “You shouldn’t kick yourself so much.”

virgilio “If you keep it up, any chance of finally forgiving yourself will be someday be gone.”

virgilio “Self-hate will leave you with a hole that will never heal.”

virgilio “So please take measures against it instead of sulking so much.”

jill “…I’ll be damned. That actually sounded half-sensible.”

jill “And here I was thinking you were just a pompous lunatic.”

virgilio%20peeved “Hey! Pompous lunatics have stories too!”

jill “Really? What story?”

Hopefully one about how his life got flipped turned upside down.

virgilio%20peeved “I…would rather not tell.”

jill “Figures.”

jill “You want anything else?”

virgilio%20smiling “Have you ever seen how the…”

jill “…”

virgilio%20peeved “A-A Bad Touch.”

jill “…”

virgilio%20peeved “Yeah, I guess this is the one.”

jill “…”

jill (“Maybe he’s right and I shouldn’t be so hard on myself.”)

jill “…”

jill (“Even though I deserve every second of it.”)

jill (“If only I had apologized earlier, I might not be feeling this way right now.”)

jill (“If only I…i-if only I…”)

jill (“I…I can’t even remember what held me from apologizing all these years.”)

Here’s a nice point to segue into one of this game’s problems. While the typical visual novel has plenty of narration and internal monologues - one could say they form the bulk of the genre, even - the way this game is formatted doesn’t really allow for those, and that results (at least in my opinion) in a far weaker narrative.

virgilio%20peeved “Um…bartender. You’re making lots of faces there.”

jill (“Pride? Fear? What kept me from going out and apologizing to Lenore?”)

jill (“I can’t even fucking remember what feeling kept me from fixing this whole situation?”)

jill (“Can’t I at least find solace in whatever feeling it was that brought me to this situation?!”)

jill (“Great, now I’m feeling even worse thanks to not being able to muster whatever feeling held me.”)

jill “…”

virgilio%20upset “I-Is she okay?”

gil “No, but just leave her be for now.”

new%20sei “Hey Jill!”

jill “…eh?”

jill “Oh, thank god. A normal person.”

virgilio%20peeved “WAAAAAAA! A Mummy!”

new%20sei%20blushing “No, no. I don’t have kids.”

jill “…still more normal than this twat.”

Is twat commonly used as an insult outside of Britain? It just sounds kinda wrong in American English.

jill “How are you feeling, Sei?”

new%20sei%20smiling “My bones are still broken, but at least the cuts are healing nicely.”

new%20sei%20smiling “Thank god I’m not someone that scars easily.”

new%20sei%20blushing “Um… I mean wounds don’t leave me marks. It’d be a problem if I couldn’t get scar tissue.”

virgilio “What happened to you?”

new%20sei “Fell off two and a half stories into some trash and rubble.”

jill “You look better, though. Last time you came, you looked like you were about to collapse emotionally.”

Uh, Jill, she WAS about to collapse emotionally. You were there.

new%20sei%20smiling “Heheh… I guess.”

new%20sei%20smiling “…”

new%20sei “…you’re the one who looks like it now, though.”

new%20sei “How do I put it…it’s like when I called you your full name, but magnified.”

jill “Yeah, don’t mind me too much. I’m in a bad mood.”

new%20sei “Anything I can do?”

jill “Please forgive me if I suddenly lash out. At you or anyone else.”

jill “Do you want something?”

new%20sei%20smiling “My tongue’s not so sensitive today, so let’s have a Beer.”

jill “And you?”

virgilio%20peeved “Such a change in tone.”

virgilio “I-I’m fine. I don’t need anything.”

jill “…”

new%20sei%20smiling “Yay! Let’s see if there are any differences from the canned ones.”

Probably doesn’t have that carbonated feel, for one.

jill “…and?”

new%20sei%20smiling “This one tastes…less watered down.”

new%20sei “So, did something happen to you?”

jill “I’m fine, nothing’s happened to me.”

new%20sei “People who are fine don’t act like that.”

Besides, someone saying they’re fine is like one of the more obvious indicators that they’re not fine.

new%20sei “…oh! I get it. You’re in ‘those days’.”

Why are all the running gags in this game…like that?

jill “…”

new%20sei “When it’s that time of the month, I get a bit sulky.”

jill “No, I’m not on my period.”

Just stop it, please.

new%20sei “No?”

jillsigh I’m dealing with the loss of someone, okay?”

new%20sei%20blushing “Oh!”

new%20sei%20blushing “…”

new%20sei%20sad “…sorry.”

jill “Don’t worry.”

jillsigh Maybe I shouldn’t have come today after all.”

new%20sei%20sad “…”

new%20sei%20sad “Um…”

new%20sei%20sad “No, I…”

new%20sei%20sad “Hm…”

new%20sei%20sad “Maybe…”

new%20sei%20blushing “Agh!”

jill “Are you alright?”

new%20sei%20blushing “I-I’m trying to find something to say…”

new%20sei%20blushing “Making a joke would be tasteless, and I can’t say everything will be alright without it sounding…cheap.”

new%20sei%20sad “I’m…at a loss as to what to do here. Sorry.”

jill “Heh…”

jill “Wanna hear something weird?”

jill “I was exactly like that when Stella came here on Monday talking about you.”

new%20sei “Oh.”

virgilio “Well, ladies. I’m leaving.”

jill “…Virgilio.”

virgilio “Yeah?”

jill “You were just sitting with a Valkyrie.”

jillsigh I’d feel bad about the way I treated him today.”

jill “…if not for the fact that he was being cryptic with his orders for no good reason.”

jill “Yes… NO!! I mean…”

new%20sei%20smiling “Heheh…”

new%20sei “You could’ve given him a free Beer or something and apologized.”

jill “Yeah. I just keep messing things up with people.”

new%20sei “But you know? He seemed familiar.”

jill “Familiar?”

new%20sei “Yeah, I can’t put my finger on it though. I just feel like I’ve seen him somewhere.”

It’s a good thing this will never end up being relevant in any way whatsoever.

new%20sei “Ah well, it might just be that he looks like someone from an ad or something.”

Or a popular youtube series.

jill “So, what brings you here?”

new%20sei “I wanted to come with Stella. So I’m waiting for her.”

jill “Why here?”

new%20sei “To be with you, of course!”

Jeez that’s gay.

jill “…”

jill “That reminds me. How did Stella react when you arrived?”

new%20sei%20in%20pain “She slapped me…real hard. It hurt.”

new%20sei%20in%20pain “She said, ‘That’s for making me worried and not listening to me!’ and then she became happy.”

jill “Huh…”

new%20sei “Can I ask whose loss you are dealing with?”

jill “…you shouldn’t be bothered with it.”

jill “Just pretend I’m in a bad mood and call it a day.”

new%20sei “Oh, okay.”

jill “…”

By the end of this game 90% of the dialogue will just be ellipses. Possibly even 95%

new%20sei%20sad “…”

jill “…you really want to know, huh?”

new%20sei%20blushing “I can’t help it! I don’t like seeing people sad. I just need to know context, not details.”

jillsigh Someone to whom I said some mean thing to passed away before I could ever see her again.”

Well that’s one way to put it.

jill “Does that work?”

new%20sei “Yeah. Sorry.”

new%20sei “Knowing I can’t do anything helps me calm down but…”

new%20sei%20blushing “E-E-EH! I mean…it’s not that I wouldn’t help! I just…”

jill “Calm down. I get it.”

new%20sei “I can’t contain myself when I see people in need.”

new%20sei “But I’ve learned that there are times when you just can’t do anything…and that’s kinda fine.”

That’s…a bit of a morally dubious outlook on life, but hopefully I’m just misreading that.

new%20sei “Thank god I learned that, otherwise I would’ve gone insane ages ago.”

jill “You’re a good person, Sei.”

new%20sei%20smiling “Nah, I’m just an annoying girl.”

new%20sei%20smiling “Still, if there’s anything I can do to help, let me know.”

new%20sei%20smiling “I have broken bones but that doesn’t mean I can’t offer emotional support.”

jill “You could always order another drink.”

I don’t think that constitutes emotional support, Jill.

new%20sei “Oh yeah! That! Let’s do that.”

new%20sei “Get me something cold, please.”

jill “Alright.”

As always, use opportunities like these to make the most expensive drink you can.

jill “It’s pretty cold outside though.”

I’m the kind of person that eats ice cream in the winter so I don’t really see a problem with that.

new%20sei “Yeah, but I don’t like hot or warm drinks.”

new%20sei “They make me feel nauseous.”

new%20sei “You know what cheers me up?”

Booze?

jill “What?”

new%20sei “Singing. Hearing people sing helps too.”

That too, I guess.

jill “Do you sing? I mean…did you take singing lessons or something?”

new%20sei “Nope. People have told me my voice is pretty nasty, actually. But they’ve also told me I’m good with the harmonica.”

jill “So you play the harmonica?”

new%20sei “I needed something to do some breathing exercises with, and a harmonica is a lot smaller than a tuba.”

new%20sei%20smiling “And I guess if you practice enough, you become decent.”

Pretty sure this is a universal piece of advice.

jill “That’s something I didn’t expect.”

new%20sei%20smiling “I hear that a lot. I know I don’t look like the musical type.”

jill “I used to play the violin. Right until I was…16 or so.”

new%20sei “Really? Can you still play?”

jill ”Fuck no.”

jill “The violin’s at my mom’s house, so I don’t have it with me.”

jill “But I guess I could. It’s one of those things you don’t forget easily.”

new%20sei “Why did you stop?”

jill “I don’t know. One day, I just felt like stopping. No deep reason behind it.”

new%20sei “Just like me and cooking!”

Hot take: cooking is great and you should learn to how to cook if you can.

new%20sei “That…and almost burning my place up.”

While attempting to make a bowl of cereal, I’d imagine.

jill “…”

jill “When’s Stella coming?”

new%20sei “Now that you mention it, she’s a bit late. Let me call her.”

1 Like

Extremely tempted to reference a now outdated meme, but I won’t.

jill “Back.”

jill “I still feel like kicking myself, make no mistake.”

Internalizing it is the first step to…something, I guess?

jill “…but I guess I cooled down a bit.”

jill “Sei helped a lot with that one, though. I just can’t stay mad when I see her.”

jill “Speaking of which, where is she?”

stella “The way you are right now, it feels like I should be protecting you.”

new%20sei “Hey! The only thing hindering me is the broken arm. I’ve gone into burning buildings with a 2cm deep cut.”

stella “Yeah, I remember that one. 1mm more and you would’ve lost the motor function in your arm.”

jill “Welcome.”

jill “What’s this about protecting who?”

new%20sei “Yeah, um… I’m sort of like Stella’s unofficial bodyguard. But I’m not really fit for such duties right now.”

stella “My father insists I go everywhere with protection. So most of the time I only ask Sei if she feels like going out.”

stella “She’s trained to deal with the kind of things that bodyguards deal with anyway.”

stella%20smiling “And she’s more fun to hang around with too.”

Honestly they should’ve just made a game about these two instead.

jill “So I’m assuming that gorilla outside is a bodyguard?”

new%20sei%20smiling “That’s Buster. Pretty cool guy. He played football professionally until he lost his leg in a demolition derby.”

stella%20annoyed “We’ve offered him an implant surgery for all his years of service, but he rejects it every time.”

new%20sei “Well, he got used to the replacement he’s using, so maybe it’s for the best.”

stella “It’s a thick oak branch on a metal bowl tied to his stump.”

Honestly, that kinda kicks ass.

new%20sei “And yet he can still run faster than me with it.”

stella “True.”

jill “Do you want something?”

new%20sei “I’m fine right now.”

stella “A Brandtini. A big one. I’m in a good mood.”

stella%20annoyed “After all these years, I still don’t get why the finest and most expensive things come in small packages.”

stella “Ever tried to go to a restaurant only for them to serve you a really small portion of some fine food?”

A few times. And it always feels like a ripoff tbh.

stella “Sometimes you just want to…stuff yourself with really cheap food.”

stella “…”

stella “Sei, let’s go for some hamburgers later. I’m not taking a no for an answer.”

new%20sei%20smiling “I know what you mean when you say ‘some’, you know?”

new%20sei “You might as well call the place and tell them to prepare everything in advance.”

jill “Can I ask you two something?”

new%20sei “Sure!”

stella “I guess.”

jill “How did you two meet?”

new%20sei “Stella showed up in the park I used to play at when I was a kid.”

new%20sei “We played a couple of times. She started showing up more and more and that was it.”

stellaahem My father told me that, when I was 5, I kept insisting on going to a ‘real kid’s park.’”

stella “We drove for some time, and the park I liked was the one Sei happened to be at.”

new%20sei%20smiling “Have you ever seen a girl in a dress go to a muddy park?”

new%20sei%20smiling “She learned her lesson and started showing up with more fitting clothes.”

new%20sei%20smiling “But man, that’s a scene I can’t forget.”

stella%20blushing “…”

jill “So you two have known each other for most of your lives?”

new%20sei “I’ve known her longer than I’ve known my own father.”

new%20sei “Why the question?”

jill “No reason. You two just look so comfortable with each other. Any other person could’ve sworn you were an item.”

Unfortunately, this game has already met its quota of lesbian couples, so we’ll settle with being really coy about it instead.

new%20sei%20blushing “A-An item? What kind of item?”

stella “…a couple, Sei.”

new%20sei “Oh! Ite-…yeah, I get it now.”

new%20sei “It’s funny because we actually earned a mock prize of sorts for “best couple” at Stella’s high school.”

stella%20annoyed “…Three years in a row.”

jill “So you two didn’t go to the same high school?”

new%20sei “Nope.”

jill “Oh.”

new%20sei “Don’t you have any childhood friends, Jill?”

jill “Childhood friends…can’t think of any. My grandpa, I guess.”

stella “What kind of man was he?”

jill “Gruff. The kind to eat raw Bronson roots every morning.”

I wonder, are those a reference to Charles Bronson or is that just a lucky coincidence?

stellabrrrrrr

jill “But around me he, was…different.”

Not a typo, and I don’t know why this sentence is formatted like that.

jill “I have memories of him barking orders to my dad, only to turn around and play with me gently.”

jill “It’s interesting though. He was my mom’s dad. But after my mom and dad separated, he stayed with my dad.”

jill “But yeah, he’s the one that comes to mind when I think about childhood friends.”

new%20sei “Ooooooh.”

new%20sei “Hey Jill, what’s this…Bloom Light?”

jill “A spicy drink. Tastes nice the first time but it gets same-y after a while. It’s also brown for some reason.”

Pretty sure they’re just serving curry in a glass here. Not sure if I’d want that…

new%20sei “Gimme one of those, please.”

stella “I’ll have one too.”

jill “On it.”

new%20sei “I don’t know. I kinda like it.”

stella “Yeah. but after the third one, it starts tasting like sand.”

And you know what they say about sand…I’ll just take my leave.

stella “Spicy sand. But sand nonetheless.”

What is it with girls falling asleep at this bar???

new%20sei “Zzzzzz…”

stella “Well, that, and that she must still be tired.”

jill “From the whole bank thing?”

stella%20annoyed “She told me about everything that happened in there. To be honest, I don’t think I would’ve made it in her place.”

stella%20annoyed “I guess I should be thankful for the nanomachine treatment she went through as a White Knight.”

jill “Treatment?”

Surprised they didn’t have her say nanomachines instead, considering this game loves its Metal Gear references.

stella “Trauma suppressors.”

stella “Basically, it helps with the healing process of PTSD.”

stella “It’s mandatory for every White Knight, regardless of division.”

jill “Oh.”

stella%20annoyed “Still, healing can only do so much.”

stella%20annoyed “For three days, that bank was hell. And poor Sei is still paying for it.”

stella%20annoyed “The disbanding of the White Knights and the subsequent persecution of those who were identified as former members…”

I get that the White Knights are supposed to be the bad guys but the way the game portrays the protestors seems to paint them in a pretty bad light. I don’t even know if that’s supposed to be intentional or not.

stella%20annoyed “It’s unfair, you know? Among all the people using the White Knights to further their own goals…”

stella%20annoyed “Sei was one of the few that actually believed in what they were supposed to do.”

stella “It paid off though.”

stella “The doctor who treated her wounds was the same one she’s always assisted with accidents and emergencies.”

stella “He treated her at no cost whatsoever.”

jill “Well, good karma and all that.”

stella “She’s earned the gods’ favor, I think.”

stella “…but you know. All of that made me realize I might be a bad person.”

jill “How?”

I’m gonna assume it’s all the massive piles of money she has.

stella%20annoyed “When I saw Sei, wounded, asking for help; a part of me was happy.”

stella%20annoyed “After all this time needing her, she finally needed ME.”

stella%20annoyed “I felt truly useful to her for the first time.”

stella%20sadsigh How sad is that?”

jill “Sometimes the best help one can provide is to stay alive.”

jill “Who knows? Maybe it was the idea of coming back to you that helped her.”

jill “And I guess you wouldn’t be human without thoughts like those once in a while.”

stella%20annoyed “Maybe.”

jill “Can I get you anything else?”

stella “I’m good. I should be leaving actually.”

stella “Come, Sei. Let’s get hamburgers and go home.”

new%20seimumble Yeah…”

jill “Thank you. Please come again.”

jill “No, I just don’t reek of rage.”

jill “But I still feel like a piece of shit.”

kim “Hello?”

The original unconscious girl in a bar returns.

jill “Ah, Kim. Welcome.”

jill “What can I get you?”

kim “I’ll have a Sunshine Cloud, please.”

jill “Sure.”

kim “Thanks!”

jill “So, how’s work on the webpaper?”

kim “Oh, I quit.”

jill “…what?”

kim “Yup! I went to the office of that chauvinistic horseblower and told him I quit!”

Good for you!

jill “Why did you do that?”

Why not? Donovan is literally the least likable character in the game. That’s saying something.

kim “I arrived early to my meeting and got some assignment.”

kim%20closed%20eyes “I spent hours doing it, only for the other bitches to come and ruin it.”

kim%20closed%20eyes “After that, I didn’t have time left so my supervisor scolded me.”

kim “So I snapped and quit on a whim.”

jill “Oh…”

jill “Don’t you have any second thoughts? Regret anything?”

kim “I guess you’ll always have second thoughts. Even if you do what you want, you’ll still think ‘what if’.”

kim%20closed%20eyes “Even so, I was getting physically sick there. I dreaded the arrival of every morning. I even almost…”

kim%20closed%20eyes “…”

kim “What I’m saying is: I don’t know what I’ll do, but it’s certainly better than being there.”

kim “I feel…free.”

jill (“Free.”)

It’s almost like this is an intentional parallel…

kim “It’s a wonderful feeling, you know? I feel like now I can find something I care about.”

kim “I won’t return to The Augmented Eye, but I could still pursue journalism with another outlet.”

kim ”I can finally work at Buzzfeed!”

kim “I haven’t felt like this in…well…never!”

jill “…”

jillahem

jill “What about your family?”

kim%20closed%20eyes “They weren’t happy, that’s for sure…”

kim%20closed%20eyes “My dad took it better, but my mom freaked out, to put it mildly.”

kim%20closed%20eyes “‘What are you gonna do?!’ and all that.”

kim%20closed%20eyessigh But I’m not here about that. Give me a big drink, please.”

jill “What kind?”

kim “I don’t know…bubbly or something.”

kim “If detergent commercials are to be believed, this will clean out my insides.”

Like how Coca Cola can remove rust?

jill “It’ll also kill things inside you.”

So just like Coca Cola.

jill “I gotta ask though. How did you end up working there?”

kim “No deep reason. That’s what I did when I got out of high school.”

kim “Taking a year off was out of the question so I went for the first thing I thought about.”

kim%20closed%20eyes “…but I couldn’t get into the robotics course, so I settled for journalism.”

kim%20closed%20eyes “…to be honest, I got tired of the job midway through it, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave.”

kim%20closed%20eyessigh Too much pressure from my family.”

jill “It’s a really common tale, I guess.”

A tale as old as time…

kim%20closed%20eyes “Did you have troubles like those?”

jill “Same story as you. I just…went through the motions.”

jill “From high school to college, I never stopped to think about what I was doing.”

jill “And then, at some point, I just felt like my life slipped through my fingers.”

jill “Suddenly all I wanted was freedom, a little pause. To stop and take a breather.”

jill “…and my life went through hell for that fucking breather.”

jill “…”

kim “Ehhh…um…g-give me a…err…SOMETHING!”

jill “‘Something’?”

kim “S-Sorry. I just have a dry mouth. Anything will do.”

jill “Alright…”

Same tactic as always here. Get the most expensive drink, even though at this point you really shouldn’t be worrying about money.

kim “Thanks.”

kim “…”

kim%20closed%20eyes “I feel like I asked something I shouldn’t have.”

jill “Don’t fret about it. I’m just in a…rough spot right now.”

jill “What are you gonna do now?”

kim “Honestly… I don’t know.”

kim “I do feel liberated, however.”

kim “Like… I can do whatever I want. Study whatever I like, work wherever I want.”

kim “I know it’s not that way and I know it won’t be easy…but I feel a lot more confident than when I was out of high school.”

kim “I honestly don’t get why they put young people who barely know how society works through that one.”

jill “Well, I wish you the best of luck.”

jill “Your mental health should be your priority and all that.”

jill ”Stay hydrated or whatever the fuck.”

kim “Thanks. I really needed the encouragement.”

jill “Come back if you need more encouragement.”

jill “I wouldn’t dare leave someone alone when it comes to this sort of thing.”

jill “Please come again.”

jillsigh

gil “You should take some of that advice for yourself.”

Haven’t you heard of “Do as I say, not as I do?”, Gillian?

jill “I know, I know…”

:tw: You know the drill. :tw:

dorothy “Hoooooneeeeeeeeeeeey~”

The tilde is probably the horniest of all the symbols.

dorothy%20smiling “I know. I came for you!”

jill “For me?”

jill “W-Why are you hugging me?”

Pretty sure that Dana is secretly some sort of entity from Hell.

dorothy%20smiling “All. Night. Long.”

jill “…”

jill “Come again?”

dana%20regular “To put it simply: Dorothy will go home with you and she won’t leave your side.”

jill “What do you hope to accomplish with that?”

dana%20regular ”Make your life a living hell.”

dana%20regular “Well, at first it was to calm that rage you had earlier.”

dana%20peeved “It was either hugs or a cold bucket…and I don’t promise there’ll be any water in it.”

…just what is she implying…

dana%20regular “You calmed down a bit. But honestly, I know better than to leave you alone for another night.”

And she couldn’t have just called Alma because…? Because the writer really fucking loves Dorothy and you have to know that, I assume.

dana%20regular “At the very least, all the cuddling will give you an epiphany or something.”

jill “That’s some alien reasoning right there.”

dana%20peeved “It’s not. You need hugs. Many.”

dana%20peeved “You need some human…err…humanoid contact right now.”

dana%20regular “You had your alone time. Now, we’re playing by my rules.”

dorothy%20smiling “Please take care of me.”

jill ”Fuck no.”

jill “…”

I feel like the game responded to calling Donovan the worst character by having Dana inflict Dorothy on you. I don’t know how that would work temporally speaking, but it’s a pretty cruel response if nothing else.

1 Like

I mean, the thing is that specifically calling Donovan “the least likable character” in and of itself isn’t an inaccurate statement. Heads up, I’m about to throw a small essay about writing and characterization at all of you here.

First, a principle to understand (forgive me if I’m preaching to the choir here): when you create something, your attitude towards it shows through. Something you’re enthusiastic about, something you’re excited to create, will always be better than something you created because you felt like you had to. This is always relative. The latest spy novel Tom Clancy’s name got slapped on was probably crapped out in two weeks because the target audience will buy it anyway, but it’s still probably better than the Pokemon fanfiction I wrote when I was ten. It isn’t really some kind of Velveteen Rabbit type of alchemical process whereby your love causes shitty writing to transform into something un-shitty; it’s more that because you love it, you have more things, and more interesting things, to say about it even though you can’t write worth crap, and you’re going to be more likely to want to say it right, so you’re going to be more willing to edit it a little. Keep this in mind as I unpack the writing in this game a little bit. Some of it is going to apply diegetically as well; a character that speaks passionately about something they care about is more engaging than one who just says stuff because characters speak words for audience to make reading at (you can use this on purpose if you know what you’re doing).

Dorothy is the most engaging and likable character in the game. I’m not saying she’s a good character. Or that I like her. I’m saying Sukeban set the bar low. Real low. They set the bar a couple feet underground, then dug a hole so they could still not clear it. I’ve gotten a little bit hyperbolic here but I’m just trying to make it clear: I am saying some things that sound out-of-context like praise, but should not under any circumstances be taken as praise. Dorothy speaks with passion and enthusiasm about her job and interests; this is Dorothy’s strength, because of the principle I explained above. This is also Dorothy’s weakness, because of the specific topics about which she is passionate. Dorothy is at her best when she’s talking about the worst shit. The other characters, even on the topic of things they supposedly care about, feel kind of flat and clinical when they speak. They can’t seem to muster much emotion about their passions (ditto Dorothy when she moves away from the topic of sex as a pubescent girl). This is Sukeban’s weakness, because it betrays how many more shits they give about pedophilia and loopholes in the amorality thereof than they do literally anything else in what should be a pretty interesting dystopia they’ve created for themselves. Large chunks of this game are just busywork for Sukeban. The real “good stuff” is Dorothy, but they set up this framing device wherein there are non-Dorothy things that have somehow taken on greater plot importance than Dorothy, and they need to get through those so they can get back to Dorothy.

She’s also more expressive than the other characters, which is more of the same on all counts. Because she’s more expressive, she’s easier to engage with. She’s more expressive in the first place because Sukeban’s art team cared more about what she was thinking and communicating that to the audience. The other characters were just a quota to meet because someone decided there should be non-Dorothy things of importance in the script. Every minute spent drawing a genetically engineered rich kid with a bad eye is a minute not spent drawing their preadolescent waifu.

Honestly none of this fucking game makes sense. They clearly just wanted So Much Dorothy but wrote a script with so much not-Dorothy. Sei and Stella, Kim, even George Costanza PI would have all been pretty interesting stories in their own rights but they all got suborned by “taciturn bartender learns the news from customers who won’t shut up.” Jill feels like she gives less than half a shit about any given thing, including things she wants us, the audience, to believe she gives a shit about. Why does this game exist.

2 Likes

First of all, apologies for the late update, had to deal with some uh, personal stuff I guess? P.S Chowder I really like your latest reply and agree with your points! (Well, besides the dystopian setting, but you’ll see more on that below.)

Can’t stop playing this game.

gorgeous graphics
innovative and addictive battle system
fun dating minigames
cute girls
dat fucking music

Is this the GOAT?

Dunno, do you like the goat girl?

heh

I’m going to marry a Goat!

It’s an alright game. 8/10 at most.

Shit game.

No, it’s a shitty game for idiot waifubots like you

I wish this waifu=bad game meme would die

it’s a stupid game pandering to idiots, what’s there to discuss

Are we being raided by normies?

m-muh normies!

fuck off.

fun things are fun

You’re not allowed to have fun with videogames.

This thread is closed

Halloween was back in October, but this terrifying tale didn’t become popular until now.

Reports say that Lilim across the city have been receiving strange transmissions, with messages that are confusing at best and threatening at worst.

The contents are not clear, as most of the Lilim can’t remember exactly what they had heard. But the most mysterious thing of all is perhaps the fact that the Lilim could not record any of these messages while they were broadcasted. It was almost as if something had blocked the Lilim from doing so.

While we have nothing but anecdotal proof, even among our own Lilim, the mystery behind these messages is one we should be paying attention to.

The world at large is still coming to terms with the idea of the Lilim being so quickly integrated into our society. Some say they can’t be treated as human because they’re immortal and as such, cannot really understand what it’s like to be alive. But most of the Kira Miki fandom would disagree.

”Anti-Lilim people are insane. To me, Miki knows more about life than I do, and I’m older than this damn city!” Richard Show, 55, told The Augmented Eye during a fan gathering.

”I’m with Richard,” added Nacho, 6. “I may be a dog, but I’m utterly fascinated with the way she writes about things in her blog. She’s impressed by everything! And nobody really knows what life’s about anyway.”

Glitch City is one of the few places on Earth that’s strictly self-sufficient, with an import rate of only 0.8%. However, that might change due to the recent shortages across the city.

Prime Minister QUINCY revealed this morning that the government plans to have a more relaxed policy for importers. “We won’t lift the currency control, but we can provide them foreign currency at a low fixed rate. That way, we can secure essential items at affordable prices,” QUINCY told AE.

Some experts say that private companies are no longer working at full capacity, which is unsurprising news given that the QUINCY government has seized most of them, resulting in the shortage crisis in the first place.

Okay hold up for a second. The game establishes that corporations basically rule Glitch City but now it just throws that whole concept out of the window so they can write some half-baked “ooh socialism is evil” bullshit. It’s also pretty clear what country they’re drawing parallels with here and it’s just vile, and tbh, pure propaganda as well. This fuckin game. God.

gil “How are you feeling?”

jill “Lilim are soft…and warm.”

gil%20slight%20smirk “Come again?”

jill “You heard me.”

gil “So, on a scale from ‘steaming pile of shit’ to just ‘sad’, where are you?”

jill “Hm…”

jill “A sad pile of shit.”

jill “I still hate myself, I’m still sad as hell, but…how to put it…the noise stopped.”

Jeez, she reached ‘depression’ already?

jill “I don’t know if I explained myself.”

gil “Sorta, kinda.”

That’s the polite way of saying ‘nope’.

jill ”Nightmarish.”

jill “…cozy, I must admit.”

jill “I can’t believe you paid Dorothy for that.”

dana%20regular “Well, if you wanna call that payment, I guess.”

jill “Hm?”

dana%20regular “I called Dorothy to tell her what happened to you and she was really concerned.”

dana%20regular “She stuttered for a second saying that she had the whole night to go and she couldn’t just leave for free.”

dana%20regular “I asked her how much and she said, ‘Enough to pay for this soda I’m having is fine.’”

I get that the game is trying to get me to like Dorothy, but the thing is, I will never like her. Ever.

jill “…”

gil “How did you get her number?”

dana%20blushing “I have…contacts.”

gil “…right.”

dana%20regular “Anyways, Jill. If you need a second break, a drink or a hug…just let me know, you hear?”

gil “If you need a bartender, let me know though.”

jill “Nice to know.”

jill “Anyways, we have work to do.”

jill “Time to mix drinks and change lives.”

gil “Heh, it’s nice to hear that again.”

jill “Did you say something?”

jill “…”

jill “Welcome to Valha-…oh, it’s you guys.”

Unrelated to what’s going on, but what are your favorite dogs? Mine are Shiba Inus.

jill “Aren’t you a part-timer here or something?”

rad%20shiba “My OTHER Boss.”

rad%20shiba “You’re talking to the great Nacho Tumbleweed Jr.!”

jill “…”

jill “…Boss! I’m taking my break!”

dana%20regular “I know what I said earlier, but you haven’t even started yet!”

jill “Shit…”

jill “So, what brings you here today?”

nacho “I wanted to see the place my best soldier is working at.”

jill “‘Soldier’?”

jill “Wait, aren’t you the dog that I served last Monday?”

Please don’t make me remember the prologue.

nacho “…?”

nacho “Oh! It’s you, Dana.”

nacho “Soldier, why didn’t you tell me you were working for Dana?”

rad%20shiba “No, that’s not Dana. That’s just J.”

jill “…”

jill “So I’m guessing you’re part of this whole CIRA thing.”

nacho “Part of it? I FOUNDED it!”

nacho “Humans have the best intentions, but they just don’t get us.”

nacho “So I decided to create a place where dogs can be dogs.”

Ohhh I want to go there so bad.

nacho “‘Here, we can take in any dog without a place in this world.’”

nacho “We created our own heaven on earth.”

New drinking game for the LP: Take a shot for every MGS reference.

jill “And do you take Corgis only?”

nacho “Do I look like one of those Seifar bitches? Of course not!”

nacho “I’d include other animals, but sadly I can only take care of those who are of the same species as I.”

jill (“Sad thing is, I’d take him more seriously…but it’s a talking Corgi with an eyepatch.”)

jill “Will you get anything?”

rad%20shiba “I’m fine. What about you, boss?”

nacho “Manly stuff.”

jill ”I’m afraid we don’t serve novelty bacon flavored beer.”

jill “…you sure?”

nacho “Did I stutter?”

jill “…alright.”

nacho “Yes! This is just what I wanted.”

nacho “…”

nacho “BLEGH! This tastes worse than my own butt.”

jill “Hey, you asked for it.”

nacho “This is a really nice place, you know?”

nacho “You picked a good place to work at, soldier.”

rad%20shiba “Thanks!”

jill (“Does he really get paid?”)

Asking the important questions.

nacho “Your efforts to keep CIRA afloat will not go to waste! We’ll make her better and better!”

jill (“I mean, we’re pretty much on the verge of closing. Can Boss really afford that?”)

nacho “We have more urgent matters at hand though. Like the fact we don’t have enough balls for everyone!”

rad%20shiba “Can’t they just share the ones we have?”

nacho “You fool! Every dog has a right to have his own ball!”

Oh god the dogs have learned about private property help.

nacho “If we can’t provide even that, then what’s the point of even trying?!”

jill (“Wait…don’t tell me she just doesn’t give a fuck and is spending all of her money like water.”)

jill (“I mean, what with the bar closing and all that.”)

rad%20shiba “But many have enjoyed the boxes more than they do the balls!”

nacho “That’s a good point.”

nacho “What do you think is cheaper, a box of balls or a box of boxes?”

rad%20shiba “Are there boxes of boxes?”

nacho “Of course there are! How do you think they ship boxes?”

rad%20shiba “Tied together?”

nacho “Tied together? Don’t be silly.”

jill (“Unless she’s paying him straight from her pocket. Boss is that kind of women.”)

nacho “This world is filled with all sort of recursive madness, you know?”

nacho “Doctors consult doctors, boxes come in boxes, bottles come in bottles.”

This is some “we live in a society” level of analysis we’ve got going on.

rad%20shiba “Ooooooh, as expected from you, boss.”

jill (“Wait…that theory only works assuming she’s paying him with money.”)

jill (“For all I know, she might be paying him with steaks.”)

That still means she’s spending money, Jill. Steaks cost money.

nacho “So tomorrow you’re gonna check for people selling boxes, you hear?”

rad%20shiba “Sir, yes sir!”

jill (“…except that to Boss, a good steak is more valuable than money.”)

rad%20shiba “Wait, what if they come with foil?”

rad%20shiba “Russenstrauss had to be taken to the vet because he ate the foil a piece of cheese came in.”

Honestly a more compelling story than whatever the fuck’s going on now.

nacho “Curses! You’re right. We need a contingency plan.”

jill (“Besides, Boss is not one to scam people, let alone a dog…”)

nacho “I wonder if we can strike a deal with the vet those Seifar bastards have.”

nacho “She’s always so nice with us.”

rad%20shiba “I know. Her smile is so cute too.”

rad%20shiba “So it’s better that we vet for a vet?”

nacho “Yes, put that on the list.”

jill (“Oh yeah, forgot she knew the dog.”)

dana%20regular “Are you staying for a while?”

nacho “I was just passing by, I’ve got some errands to run.”

dana%20regular “Great! Gil can go with you.”

gil “I can?”

dana%20peeved “You WILL.”

gil “I’ll still get paid for today, right?”

dana%20regular ”Hahahaha no.”

dana%20regular “That depends on Nacho’s evaluation.”

gilsigh

dana%20regular “Oh, I’m paying him anyways, by the way. Just wanted to mess around with him.”

dana%20regular ”Just kidding I’m not paying him shit.”

jill “No, that’s not the problem here.”

jill “Why make him do that?”

I’m pretty sure it’s his destiny to suffer.

dana%20regular “Gil looked like he needed to take a good break, and he’s the kind to just not accept such a thing.”

dana%20regular “But with Nacho, he’d have SOMETHING to do. AND he’d be away from the bar for a bit.”

jill “When you put it that way…”

The best way to establish that a character is a good person is to have people talk about how they’re a good person.

jill “Yeah.”

jill “So, you having anything?”

jill “Okay.”

jill “…shit, I missed the chance to ask how, or if he even gets paid with money.”

betty “Man, I sure need to get wasted.”

My thoughts exactly.

deal “I fail to see how getting wasted will make you feel bett-…SHIBAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!”

betty “For fuck’s sake, you piece of scrap, we just got out of a building full of dogs.”

deal “But this one has a Hawaiian shirt! And sunglasses.”

It’s hard to argue with that logic.

rad%20shiba “Hey there, robot.”

deal “And he talks!”

bettysigh

jill “Welcome to Valhalla.”

betty “Get me a Beer, will you?”

jill “Gotcha. Does Deal want anything?”

deal “Okay…roll!”

rad%20shiba “SIR, YES SIR!”

deal “So cute…”

betty%20embarrassed “He’s fine.”

jill “Just a Beer, then.”

betty “Friday-after-work isn’t just a Beer though. It’s THE Beer.”

jill “Can’t argue with that.”

Making it a big one because we’re really nice like that. And more money is always good.

betty “Yeah!”

betty “Cheers!”

betty “Hey Jill, do you like Beer?”

I don’t think anyone likes beer so much as they eventually accept the taste of it.

jill “The amount of Beer cans in my apartment is becoming a problem, actually.”

jill ”I’m a barely functioning alcoholic!”

betty “I had this friend back in high school who made some pretty nice crafts with them.”

betty “I’m still in contact with him if you’re interested.”

jill “No, thanks. The last thing I need right now is more crap taking space.”

Couldn’t she just…take out the trash? It really is not that hard.

jill “So, how are things up at dog town?”

betty “Well, that Laura girl is stirring things up, for better or for worse.”

jill “For worse?”

betty%20embarrassed “She’s…um…like a rabbit.”

Does that cute flop thing when she feels safe?

betty%20embarrassed “An overtly politically-correct rabbit.”

Time to complain about the SJWs again, huh?

jill “R-Rabbit?”

betty “Never had a pet rabbit? They’re a nervous mess that gets startled over the littlest of things.”

betty “And this girl is on the constant lookout, scared of saying something that might irk someone.”

betty “It doesn’t have to be the person she’s speaking with, even.”

betty “It’s no problem in the company, but the other day, we went out together and holy shit!”

betty%20embarrassed “Poor girl can’t speak properly.”

betty%20embarrassed “She pauses every sentence to make sure she doesn’t say something offensive.”

betty%20embarrassed “She’s a nice girl, and it’s sweet that she tries so hard not to offend anyone.”

betty%20embarrassed “…but seriously, she tries to hard.”

Considering this game’s fucking writing, the problem is probably that she even tries at all.

deal “You don’t help either.”

deal “You randomly yell ‘WHAT DID YOU SAY?!’ whenever she’s within earshot distance.”

I sure am glad that the only lesbian character that’s alive is a complete dick.

betty%20annoyed “Yeah, well…”

betty “It’s just that…she looks so cute when she’s startled.”

betty “Like a rabbit.”

deal “It raises up the question of whether she’s really like that…”

deal “…or if you’re the one making her wary of anything she says.”

betty “Well, why don’t we test that?”

deal “How?”

betty “You go out with her.”

deal “Why?”

betty “To test if it’s really me who makes her like that.”

deal “…”

betty “It’s not like you can say no, you know?”

betty “I mean, it’s my honor that’s on the line here.”

betty “I wanna prove you’re only talking shit about me.”

She deserves it, though.

deal “Even if you were right, you have…quite the fixation on that girl.”

deal ”Almost as if the writer doesn’t know how to write non-predatory lesbians…”

betty “She’s fun.”

deal “Fun how?”

betty “She actually reacts when I tease her.”

betty ”Most people just tell me to fuck off.”

deal “…”

betty “You take it in your stride, but she actually gets startled, squirms and gets uncomfortable!”

deal “How is that any good?”

betty “She’s cute and her reactions are cute.”

deal “But if you keep it up, she’ll either leave or get used to you.”

deal “You know…like me.”

betty%20annoyed “Shit. You’re right.”

betty%20annoyed “I must save my teasing for when the moment is just right, then.”

deal “No, that’s not the problem.”

betty%20annoyed “It is for me.”

betty “And what are you doing here? What about the dog?”

deal “He said he had to go out…”

deal “By the way, he said his name was-…”

jill “Say, this Laura girl. Do you guys get along?”

deal ”We’re about five minutes from mutually assured destruction actually.”

betty “I wouldn’t know. We get along as co-workers at the very least.”

deal “…”

jill “What kind of girl is she? Aside from the whole politically-correct rabbit…thing.”

betty “Slow.”

betty “She’s the kind that does things so carefully that she does them really, really slowly.”

betty “Really, REALLY slowly.”

betty “I can’t deny that when she actually finishes stuff, she does a great job, but…”

betty%20embarrassed “It’s unnerving.”

deal “She doesn’t actually have to be with us in the building though. She’s more like a freelancer.”

jill “Why is she there then?”

betty “Because she likes dogs.”

The only good motivation.

betty “And that’s why I insist that you two would make a fine couple.”

deal “That’s a really superficial sentiment. It’s like saying you’d be fine with someone because you’re both women.”

betty “…”

deal “Okay…bad example.”

jill “May I say something?”

deal “By all means.”

jill ”Fuck this.”

jill “If that Laura girl is really as…bland as you claim her to be, wouldn’t she be better off with a more…um…”

jill “A more assertive person…Lilim…uh…”

jill “A more assertive partner?”

betty “Yo, piece o’ scrap, she’s totally calling you a pussy.”

Haha misogyny. Because lesbians are misogynists I guess.

jill “…”

deal “She’s right though.”

deal “Sharing interests and being compatible are totally different things.”

betty “But then, you’d totally be underestimating the power of LOOOOOOOOOVE.”

betty “Whether you want to admit it or not, love changes people for better or for worse.”

betty “Who knows? Maybe you’ll become more assertive after spending more time with her.”

deal “Or she’ll drive me nuts.”

betty “I guess that’s a possibility too.”

deal “Still, why are you so insistent on me and her getting together?”

betty “Because she’s like a cute rabbit…so someone might try to eat her out there…”

Unfortunate phrasing.

betty “It’d be a lot easier to keep her in my sight.”

deal “So in short, your motherly instincts arose because of Laura.”

dealsigh Why not see if she likes you and-…”

deal “…you already tried to hit on her, didn’t you?”

betty%20annoyed “You make me sound like some skirt-chaser.”

deal “…”

betty%20annoyed “…she’s not into girls.”

deal “How did you find out?”

betty “I asked her directly.”

betty ”She said something about the lesbian quota already being filled.”

deal “Of course you did.”

betty “She seemed…uh…giddy afterwards though.”

betty “I heard her muttering something about meeting her first lesbian…”

betty%20embarrassed “It was weird.”

deal “Okay…enough Laura for a night.”

betty “That-…”

deal “Refrain from using any ‘That’s what you said last night’ jokes or variations thereof. Please.”

betty%20annoyed “…party pooper.”

betty%20annoyed “Let’s get a drink then.”

deal “Sounds good.”

deal “I’ll have a Bloom Light, please.”

betty “Get me a Fringe Weaver.”

jill “Alright.”

deal “I wonder why it’s called a Bloom Light.”

jill “Seems it was first developed at some video games event.”

jill E3 2069 was a wild, wild ride.”

jill “The creator said something about making the attendees feel like their customers do.”

Love consumer advocacy.

jill “Said attendees were, of course, part of some big games company.”

jill “Seems that company always used too much bloom lighting, so the bartender there litteraly made them drink all the bloom.”

betty “So it’s not called that because it glows in the dark?”

jill ”It’s actually just that glowstick liquid poured in a glass. Sorry about that.”

jill “Not this one, no.”

betty “Come to think of it. Did you ever change because of a relationship, Jill?”

betty “Would you say for better or for worse?”

jill “…”

jill “In more ways than one, I guess.”

jill “I guess for the better. I’m too thick-headed to develop any new bad habits.”

jill “Although thanks to my first boyfriend, I did pick up a very annoying habit of correcting people’s grammar on the fly.”

jill “Pretty annoying when I think back to it.”

betty “So you were one of those kinds of people.”

betty “As for me, sometimes I think I became more…err…what’s the word?”

jill ”Obnoxious?”

deal “Cynical? Jaded? Bitter? Tired of the crap this world and everyone in it throws on a daily basis?”

betty%20annoyed “Hey…”

deal “I’m just quoting you.”

betty%20embarrassedsigh But yeah. I think I became all that because of this one girlfriend I had in college.”

betty%20embarrassed “She got me into the whole activism thing in the first place.”

Oh boy oh boy time to hear what this game thinks of student activism.

deal “How is that bad?”

betty “We’d all go and protest. We’d start all kinds of movements to see things changed…”

betty ”…like getting Japanese games completely uncensored…”

betty “I really got into the whole thing.”

betty “But whenever I wanted to get more serious, I’d find myself coming up against a wall.”

betty “That wall is an analogy for the fact that not everyone was willing to go that far.”

betty%20embarrassed “I found out pretty fast that most of them were in the whole thing because of some shitty fad.”

betty%20embarrassed “And not because they actually believed in whatever movement they were championing.”

betty “So I moved from group to group, only to find people who were in it because of a fad.”

betty “And when they were not in it because of a passing fad, they were of the dangerous extremist kind.”

How much do you wanna bet she has a Twitter account dedicated to like, complaining about ‘tankies’ or whatever.

betty%20annoyed “My tolerance for people’s shit was greatly diminished after all that.”

jill “So it wasn’t so much the person you had a relationship with, but rather other people.”

betty%20annoyed “…um.”

deal “You seriously never thought about it that way?”

betty%20annoyed “Uh…”

deal “You need to stop putting the blame for what you do on past relationships.”

betty%20annoyed “Whatever!”

betty%20annoyed “Where’s the other guy, by the way?”

jill ”Dead in Miami, unfortunately.”

jill “He…had to escort one of the dogs outside.”

betty%20annoyed “Figures.”

deal “Oh, yeah. The one that was here asked if you were ‘the nice vet lady that works at the Seifar Toy Company.’”

deal “I suppose he’s interested in talking to you or something.”

betty%20annoyed “Why didn’t he do it then?”

deal “I don’t know.”

The mind of a dog is a mysterious thing.

deal “You’ve been doing a few jobs on the side, haven’t you?”

betty%20annoyed “The pay from the dogs isn’t enough to keep up with the mounting debts. I don’t know how you do it.”

jill (“It’s hard to believe dogs pay you at all…”)

jill (“…but this is coming from someone working at a place that pays a dog for doing fuck all.”)

jill (“Or at least I THINK we’re paying him. I’m not completely certain we do.”)

jill “Will you get anything else?”

betty “Well…”

deal “We’re fine, but we have to get up early tomorrow. And by ‘we,’ I really mean her.”

deal “She got invited to a picnic and I won’t stand to hear another ‘had to go to a picnic with a hangover’ story.”

I don’t think I’ve ever actually been to a picnic. Must be nice.

betty%20annoyed “Fiiiiiiiiiine.”

betty%20annoyed “Let’s go then.”

jill “Please come again.”

betty “Man, you’re such a party pooper.”

deal “You’ll be the party pooper tomorrow if you keep drinking.”

jill “Boss, I’ll take my break! Call me if someone comes.”

dana%20regular “Alright.”

1 Like

jill “Okay then, back to work.”

jill “Welcome to Valha-…oh, hey there Alma.”

jill “…”

alma%20sideways%20look “…”

jill “Umm…”

alma%20embarrassedsigh

Barring the ever-popular ellipses, I’m pretty sure that sigh is the word that pops up most in this script.

jill (“She seems down…maybe there’s something I can give her to cheer her up?”)

Here’s another one of the rare moments where you have to remember what drink each character likes most. I actually really like these moments because you have to remember stuff about the characters and I think that’s cute, honestly.

alma%20upset “Hm? And this?”

jill “It’s on me. Drink, so you at least change your expression.”

alma%20amused “Why not just say you’re worried about me?”

jill “You got the message anyway, didn’t you?”

alma%20smiling “Heh…”

jill “So? How is it?”

alma%20smiling “A Brandtini! So you do pay attention to what I ask for!”

jill “You have quite the fixation with Brandtinis.”

jill “To be honest, they suit you.”

alma “Hey, wanna hear a silly story?”

jill “Always.”

alma ”I used to know a girl, she had a dozen guys…”

alma “When I turned 21, my dad and I went to a bar to celebrate. Just him and I.”

The drinking age in Venezuela is 18, so I guess…they wanted to make this more relatable to Americans or something? Weird.

:tw: TW: incest mention :tw:

alma “He told me to dress well enough that he ‘looked like my sugar daddy’.”

I…why did they put this in the game?

alma “It was a fun night. We pretended at times we were dating. I managed to blow off some steam about my mom…”

Who thought this was a good idea.

alma%20smiling “But the highlight was him ordering a Brandtini for me.”

alma%20smiling “I’ve had plenty of drinks and gotten wasted many times since I was 15, but that drink was different.”

alma%20smiling “It wasn’t about getting drunk. The drink itself was the pleasure.”

So the polar opposite of vinjak. (Google that, kids)

alma%20smiling “He too said they suited me somehow.”

jill “Oh?”

alma “Ever since that day, he’s called me ‘Brandtini girl’ from time to time.”

jill “Your dad sounds like a cool guy.”

Does he.

alma “You should meet him sometime.”

jill “So, why are you deflating?”

alma “Deflating?”

jill “When I got sad and started sighing repeatedly…”

jill “My grandpa would warn me that I would start deflating like an old tire if I kept it up.”

alma%20smiling “Heheh…”

jill “So, what is it? Was it the news about people dressing in bunny suits after the whole Alice_Rabbit boom?”

alma%20smiling “Nah, that is old news.”

alma “I mean, it IS a problem, but such a thing would only annoy me.”

alma “…say Jill, how’s your mood right now? I wanna ruin it by blowing off all my stored steam.”

Well, at least she’s honest about it.

jill “Silly Alma. I’ve been feeling like utter shit the last couple of days. You can’t make me feel worse.”

jill “So, go ahead. Unwind all your worries on me.”

alma%20smiling “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

Time for one of the most annoying conversations in this game.

:tw: Trigger warning: abuse, general misogyny :tw:

alma “Okay, so…remember my sister Dayana?”

jill “The one that separated from her husband and forgot her kids while fucking her way around or something?”

alma “Perfect summary. I’ll use it next time.”

alma “I didn’t tell you the whole story then. More specifically, that she threw her husband out after months of abuse.”

jill “Oh…”

alma%20embarrassed “However, that woman is incapable of getting a job and maintaining herself.”

alma%20embarrassed “And I mean that. She never even thinks about selling some stuff or trying to earn her bread.”

alma%20embarrassed “She just EXPECTS a guy to do all that for her.”

Something tells me the writer doesn’t consider housework to be ‘real’ work…

alma%20concerned “I have no idea why she turned out like that. Both my mom and dad were hard workers.”

alma%20concerned “They even started a small shop to have something to do after retirement.”

Yeah, old people should just work till they die! Fuck the idea of a retirement!

jill “Huh…”

jill ”Are you sure you’re not Ronald Reagan in disguise or something?”

alma%20concerned “So…what does this fully capable woman do a couple of weeks later?”

alma%20concerned “Why, bring her abusive husband back of course!”

That’s one way of showing empathy for abuse victims, I guess.

jill “…what?”

alma%20concerned “Yeah, and the guy spent a couple of days with her before leaving her again.”

alma%20concerned “He had a nice couple of hot steamy nights and then left!”

jill “…I-I…well…”

alma “Huh, you reacted like my lil’ brother and sister after hearing that.”

alma%20embarrassed “But the story doesn’t end there. Oh no.”

alma%20embarrassed “So she’s broke and can’t even get enough for a bus.”

alma%20embarrassed “Even though she’d probably be glad to sell her ass just to get money.”

alma%20concerned “And it was up to ME to pick her up.”

alma%20concerned “For the last couple of days, she left her kids with my parents.”

alma%20concerned “…and being such sweet angels, they’ve made a mess out of the whole place.”

Wow, kids acting like kids, how unreasonable.

alma%20concerned “Bernardo and Eva are actually staying with me a couple of days to give ‘em some peace.”

alma%20embarrassed “It doesn’t help that I never got along with Dayana.”

alma%20embarrassed “So, we’re in the car and she asks how her kids are.”

alma%20concerned “And of course. After all the built-up tension, I just…exploded.”

alma%20concerned “First, I started ranting about how her kids are growing up seeing some messed-up stuff.”

alma%20concerned “I start scolding her about not taking responsibility, about not taking proper care of her children.”

alma%20concerned “I tell her that she’s in no place to have all those escapades…”

alma%20concerned “And after all that, she just says…”

Please shut up.

alma%20sideways%20look “‘What the hell do you know? You don’t have any kids!’”

jill “…”

alma%20concerned “Yeah, you slutty skank. I don’t have kids but I’m not broke just because I refuse to take a job!”

Love that misogyny.

alma%20concerned “I don’t have kids, but I’m not leaving them in the first barely familiar house I find.”

alma%20concerned “I don’t have kids, but I’m not letting the guy that hit me on a regular basis back into my bed.”

alma%20concerned “I don’t have kids, but I pretty much raised Eva and Bernardo and they’ve turned out pretty damn well!”

jill “…damn.”

alma%20embarrassed “There’s nothing to say.”

alma%20embarrassed “I love my family and I put them above all else…”

alma%20embarrassed “…but Dayana is seriously pushing the boundaries of what I can allow.”

jill “Any way I can help?”

alma ”Booze me up.”

alma “You just did.”

jill “Eh?”

alma%20smiling “I know who I’m dealing with. I’m not one to let stuff like that get to me.”

alma%20embarrassed “I’m still angry as hell though, and I couldn’t just discuss this with any of my family members.”

alma%20embarrassed “I can’t tell my mom ‘Your daughter is a slut’.”

Maybe you shouldn’t tell anyone that?

alma%20smiling “I just…needed to get all of this off my chest, you know?”

jill “Well, from what I see there’s still a lot more to get off your chest. It’s swollen as fuck.”

I sure am glad this game never misses an opportunity to be horny on main.

alma%20smiling “Nah, all you see here is filled with love and dreams.”

alma%20smiling ”And a lot of back pain.”

jill “Is everyone in your family as busty as you?”

We really need to talk about titty-mmm-bop-bop-tittays, it seems.

alma “The worst offender is my dad actually.”

alma%20smiling “Kidding, kidding.”

alma “I guess the only one that didn’t get the big boobs gene was Eva.”

alma “She insists on getting surgery or genetic treatment, but I tell her she’s fine the way she is.”

alma%20embarrassed “These can actually be more of a hassle than a blessing.”

alma%20embarrassed “And poor Bernardo. His breasts actually started growing when he was 8.”

Extremely necessary detail. Especially about a trans man.

alma%20embarrassed “I just hope I don’t take too much from my mother’s side of the family.”

alma%20sideways%20look “My father’s sisters still look quite young. But when menopause hit, my mom lost her looks rather quickly.”

alma “Any good genes you got from your family, Jill?”

jill “Unfortunately I didn’t get the ‘not asking weirdly invasive and perverted questions’ gene.”

jill “Good enough skin and hair, I guess.”

jill “There’s a thing about a shrimp allergy, but so far I haven’t had problems with that.”

alma “Oh, I see.”

alma “…”

alma%20sideways%20look “Hey, you know what worries me the most about the whole Dayana situation?”

jill ”The fact that you won’t shut up about it?”

jill “How your nephews are turning out?”

alma%20amused “If she leaves them with my mom, they’ll turn out better than her…somehow.”

alma%20upset “Actually, what worries me is…what if I end up like that too?”

jill “How so?”

alma%20upset “If I find a good man and settle down, what if he turns out shitty?”

alma%20upset “What if I have a sudden burst where I wanna ‘live my life’ and end up like that?”

alma%20upset “What if I have kids and I end up neglecting them because of all that?”

jill “If you ask me, the fact that you’re even worried about it is indication enough that you’ll be fine.”

alma “You think?”

jill “I’m pretty sure.”

jill “You said before that she pretty much married the guy after a couple of months, right?”

alma “Yeah.”

jill “No offense, but those are the kind of people who wouldn’t even think about all that.”

jill “Besides, if any guy ends up marrying you, it’s because he passed your irrational standards.”

alma%20concerned “Hey!”

jill “Am I lying?”

alma%20embarrassed “No…but there are things best kept as unspoken truths.”

alma%20embarrassedsigh I wonder if I’ll ever find a good guy.”

jill “You will. You’ll know when the time comes.”

alma%20embarrassed “I sure hope so.”

alma “For now, the time has come to get another drink.”

jill “What can I get you?”

alma “Hm…”

alma “Get me something with ice, but alcoholic please.”

jill “Alright.”

alma “Thanks, I needed to cool down a bit.”

jill “That’s why I’m here.”

alma “So, you said you felt shitty the last couple of days. Why?”

jill “Don’t think too much about it.”

alma “Oh, come on! You heard my problems. I wanna help you too.”

jill “Don’t worry too much.”

jill “Right! I almost forgot to tell you something.”

alma “What is it?”

jill “My boss is throwing a Mega Christmas party this Sunday. You wanna come?”

alma%20embarrassed “Sure. Something tells me this Mega Christmas is gonna be a mess at my parents’ home, so I’d rather avoid it.”

alma “Are you guys getting chicken? I can get one.”

jill “Hm…to be honest, I wouldn’t know.”

jill “You can bring it if you want. It won’t go to waste.”

alma “Gotcha.”

alma “Hm…say Jill, what’s your favorite part of the chicken?”

jill “Favorite part…I guess I like legs the most.”

alma “Really? I like breast better.”

You don’t say.

jill “Breast is a bit too simple, don’t you think? Legs have a better texture.”

alma%20smiling “Maybe, but simple is usually better. Breast is easier to enjoy than legs…and a lot less messy.”

jill “Boss?”

dana%20regular “You’re there talking about breasts and legs when everyone knows the best parts are the WINGS.”

jill “…Boss, what’s that?”

dana%20regular “Spicy chicken wings.”

jill “Where did you get spicy chicken wings?”

dana%20regular “From a Spicy Chicken.”

The most elusive breed.

dana%20regular “You know, Spicy Chicken, the shop two blocks from here.”

jill “…sorry, let me rephrase that. Why are you carrying a bucket of spicy chicken wings?”

dana%20peeved “Why AREN’T you carrying a bucket of spicy chicken wings?”

jill “Well…because…eh?”

dana%20peeved “Thought as much.”

dana%20regular “Yo, Armitage.”

alma “Alma.”

dana%20peeved “I know what I said.”

dana%20regular “Will the chicken you’re talking about be cooked already?”

I don’t think most people would bring raw chicken to a party.

alma “You might need to heat it up.”

alma “But it’d be cooked otherwise.”

dana%20regular “Great! I expect you here Sunday at 8 P.M.”

alma%20smiling “Thanks.”

jill “…she left the bucket.”

jill “Want some?”

alma%20smiling “Don’t mind if I do.”

alma%20smiling “…oh, mild-spice. Nice.”

Mild? That’s weak.

jill “Weird. Maybe she got a mixed-up order and that’s why she left them here.”

alma “She usually orders stronger stuff?”

jill “I’ve found buckets that make my throat itch just from being near them.”

alma “Oh.”

alma “Hm…”

alma “Say, Jill. What kind of guys do you like?”

jill “That’s a sudden question.”

jill “I’m not too picky with guys, to be honest. I want them to be decent enough.”

Raise those standards girl!

jill “Not jealous, not aggressive, responsible enough to keep a job…”

alma%20concerned “That’s no good! Do you like them buff? What about tall?”

jill “Hm…”

jill “No tattoos or piercings, I guess. Never liked either.”

jill “What about you?”

alma%20smiling “I like them well-dressed.”

alma%20smiling “If they go out in ironed shirts and well-coordinated clothes, they’re sure to catch my eye.”

alma “…some muscle is always fine too. But sharply-dressed males catch my attention faster.”

Folks, if someone uses ‘male’ or ‘female’ as a noun, you run.

jill “And yet you’re still single.”

alma%20embarrassed “That’s how I like my men. My potential husband on the other hand…is another matter completely.”

jill “I see.”

For a long time I pondered why characters in this game say ‘I see’ so much, but then I realized the writer probably watches a ton of subtitled anime.

alma “So, can you get me a drink here? The spicy wings turned out to be spicy.”

jill “What do I get you?”

alma%20embarrassed “Anything, as long as it helps me with the spiciness in my mouth.”

The best remedy for spiciness is yogurt (the beverage kind), but that’s not really a thing in America for some reason.

jill “Okay.”

alma%20embarrassed “…”

alma%20smilingphew …it helped.”

alma%20smiling “Thanks.”

alma%20smiling “Alright, so. Next question.”

alma%20amused “What kind of girl do you like?”

jill “Ngh…”

alma%20amused “Hmhm…?”

jill “Y-You first.”

alma%20smiling “Sorry, I don’t swing that way.”

Do games really need straight characters?

alma%20smiling “Sure, I have no qualms about saying a girl is cute or cool but…”

alma%20smiling “Nope, I prefer men in my bed.”

alma%20smiling “Now you.”

jill (“Shit, just…calm down.”)

jill “I-I guess I like girls with light-colored hair.”

alma “Light-colored hair?”

alma ”What the hell does that mean?”

jill “Y-Yeah, you know…like redheads and such.”

alma “What about white? Like your boss?”

Ah, dragging us back to that subplot. Great.

jill “…you were just setting me up for that comment, weren’t you?”

alma%20smiling “Sorry, it’s just that when she got here with the bucket of wings, your eyes pretty much started sparkling.”

alma%20smiling “Your whole behavior transformed! You became giddy and cheerful all the sudden.”

Are we playing the same game? She wast just confused the whole time.

jill “…”

alma “Hey, I can’t blame you. She’s pretty nice.”

alma “I just felt like teasing you.”

jillsigh

alma “So…light-colored hair.”

alma “What about blondes? Do you like me?”

jill “Yeah, I guess.”

alma “Let’s say I’m into girls too and I start hitting on you.”

alma “Would you go along with it?”

jill “Nice body, pretty face, and a good apartment? I wouldn’t ever let you go.”

alma%20smiling “Heheh…”

alma “Okay then. Enough tangents. Why don’t you tell me why you were feeling shitty these last days?”

jill “What? Oh…that.”

jill “I told you not to think too much about it.”

alma%20concerned “And I told you I wanna know!”

alma%20upset “Come on, Jill! You’ve heard my problems so many times. Now I wanna help you.”

jill “…”

alma%20smiling “Come on, come here.”

jill “Eh?”

jill “E-Eh? W-Wha-…”

alma “Alright then. Now, I’m the bartender and you’re the client.”

new%20jill “Hardly. The bartending station only works with me.”

alma “I see.”

Well then.

Due to Day 11 being another extra-long day, there’ll be another Wednesday update, followed up by a regular one next Saturday. Will Jill vent her frustrations? Will Alma complain about her relatives again? Will either of them talk about Alma’s boobs? Will this game ever get good? Well…we can keep hoping, I guess.

1 Like

I’m feeling charitable, so I will say: Calling anyone a two-cent whore or whatever is not a good thing to do by any stretch of the imagination, but as someone who also has a hateful doucheknuckle of a sibling, I have a hard time saying I wouldn’t stoop to similarly inappropriate modes of thought if he were a bad person in the same particular way as Alma’s sister.

alma “Now it works for you, for me, and that dog in a Hawaiian shirt.”

new%20jill%20bemused “Why with him too?”

alma “He’s a dog. In a fucking Hawaiian shirt.”

new%20jill “Right. And how did you even manage to…”

new%20jill%20blushing “Oh yeah, hacker. Right…”

alma “Now we’ve changed roles.”

alma “You’ve been feeling shitty. Mind telling me why?”

new%20jill “It’s…it’s a long story. I don’t even know where to start.”

We’ve probably heard longer stories by this point.

alma “Start from the beginning.”

new%20jill “…”

new%20jill “Okay then. It’s something that goes back to my college years.”

alma “Whoa, that’s taking it way back.”

new%20jill “Back in compulsory education, I never made too much of an effort but I managed to get high grades.”

Ah, the ‘gifted kid’ problem.

new%20jill “Even in P.E., I managed to do well enough to always get perfect grades.”

new%20jill “And then, of course, when I got to college, shit started getting hard.”

new%20jill “I had this perfectionist streak that wouldn’t let me fail anything.”

new%20jill “Burning my eyelashes studying, I eventually managed to keep up good grades.”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “After about half of the career, I met a student teacher. Her name was Lenore.”

Fun fact: she shares a name with the dead lover in The Raven by Edgar Allan Poe. This game is Deep y’all.

Jil, eyes closed: “She helped me a lot with my studies. She even got me into stuff that gave more credits.”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “I really liked her, and after some time I found out that she liked me too.”

alma “Ohoho…”

I like to imagine she’s doing that anime laugh like Nanami from Utena.

new%20jill “We started going out, I met all of her family even, and-…”

alma “You want a drink?”

new%20jill%20shocked “What?”

alma “A drink. Around this time, there’s usually a pause that makes you offer a drink to the client.”

Hey now, I’m supposed to be the one poking fun at this game’s formula, not you.

new%20jill%20bemused “There was no such pause.”

alma “Please! I wanna test this whole bartending interface.”

new%20jillsigh A Sugar Rush then, you can’t mess that up.”

alma “Right!”

new%20jill “Thanks.”

alma “How is it?”

new%20jill ”Terrible.”

new%20jill%20blushing “Like I said, you can’t mess up a Sugar Rush.”

alma “Hmph…”

new%20jill “I have this gut feeling that with your body, you’d make a better bartender than me.”

Does this count as a boob mention? I think I’m gonna count it as a boob mention.

alma “You’re selling yourself too short. You’re cute, you know?”

new%20jill “People don’t go to bars for cuteness though…”

Do cat cafes count?

alma “You’ve obviously never been to a Catbar then.”

Oh.

alma “Besides, my boobs can be a hassle when trying to move around this kind of stuff.”

alma “So, keep telling the story.”

new%20jill%20blushingsigh

new%20jill%20blushing “Well, as the career went on and on, it got harder and harder.”

new%20jill “The last year and a half of it became nothing but study session after study session, investigations, my thesis…”

I kinda wanna know what the hell Jill’s thesis was about.

new%20jill “When the graduation ceremony came, I had to make a speech and suddenly, while reading said speech…”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I had a panic attack.”

alma “Fear of public speaking?”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I realised I lost about a year and half of my life.”

new%20jill “I tried to remember if I did anything fun at all, but all I could remember was studying and investigating new topics.”

new%20jill “I didn’t even enjoy doing all that. So, I was just standing there and the satisfaction of graduating was minimal.”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “I realised I had only gone through the motions, day after day. From high school to graduating.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I-I…felt like whole years of my life had slipped through my fingers.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I never stopped to think if I enjoyed what I was doing…in fact, I never stopped.”

The education system sure is fucked up, isn’t it?

new%20jill “But at that point, I stopped…and realized I needed a breather or something.”

Clearly she needs to spend a year backpacking through Europe.

new%20jill%20blushing “Did I even like that career? It was all terrifying as hell.”

new%20jill%20blushing “I needed all of my strength to not start running like a panicked mess.”

alma “Hm…”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “…”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closedsigh

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “So, a couple of months later, I get an offer to start working at this big research facility.”

Well that’s not at all vague and ominous.

new%20jill “Lenore was ecstatic. She was so proud of me back then.”

new%20jill “…but I was just scared.”

new%20jill “That would be my job. I’d spend my life expanding on what I did during that year and a half.”

new%20jill “What if I had a sudden realization like the one I had at graduation, but when I turned 40?”

I think that happens at 40 regardless of what you decide to do with your life.

new%20jill “I didn’t know what to do, but I sure as hell wasn’t taking that offer.”

new%20jill “I told Lenore and she freaked out. She confessed that she was jealous because she never got such a chance.”

new%20jill “Things devolved pretty quickly. She said one too many things, I said one too many things…”

new%20jill “In the end I just stormed out of her house, and I broke a vase in the process.”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “After that, I never spoke to her again.”

alma “Damn.”

alma “I’m sorry I…”

alma “I suddenly feel bad for pushing you to tell me all that.”

alma “Why are you feeling shitty about that after all this time, though?”

alma “Unless you’ve been feeling shitty for years, though.”

new%20jill “I have, but it’s not just because of that.”

alma “Eh?”

new%20jill “The other day Lenore’s sister, Gabrielle, came to this bar.”

new%20jill “…apparently Lenore died last week.”

alma “…”

new%20jill “Localized Nanomachine Rejection. A heart attack.”

I’m pretty sure Solid Snake got that in MGS1 or something.

new%20jill “Apparently, she had it for a long time, but never told anyone.”

new%20jill “…and coincidentally, it got worse after I left.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “And I just can’t stop thinking about it. Wondering if me being there would’ve made a difference.”

new%20jill%20frustrated) “And if it’s true she had that for a long time, why didn’t she tell me she was sick when we were together?”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I don’t know, I just feel…like all kinds of failure.”

new%20jill “…”

alma “Jill…”

new%20jill%20frustrated “And to make it worse, I also lashed out at Gaby.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “Yes, she was blaming me for her sister’s death and all but…”

new%20jill%20frustrated “She’s just a kid, for fuck’s sake. She lost the sister who pretty much raised her on her own.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “…and to top it all off, I suddenly can’t remember what stopped me from apologizing.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “Pride? Fear? A stupid effort to leave the most awesome person I loved as a thing of the past?”

new%20jill%20frustrated “Who cares?! I lost my chance to apologize to her forever. Truly forever.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I’m such a piece of shit…”

new%20jill%20frustrated “A selfish…piece of shit.”

alma “…”

alma “I honestly don’t know what to say.”

alma “I…didn’t expect the story to be this…”

alma “I…”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “…”

new%20jill “Yo, Boobtender.”

Oh goddamnit.

alma “Y-Yes?!”

new%20jill “Can you get me a big Beer here?”

alma “C-Coming right up!”

new%20jill%20smiling “Thanks.”

new%20jill%20smiling “I need to remember to take care of the cans in my apartment.”

Like, I get that depression is a Thing but you can just throw them in the garbage outside right?

alma “Do you drink lots of Beer?”

new%20jill “One of the perks of the BTC-issued liver implant is that I can drink lots of Beer without getting too wasted.”

alma “Ooooh.”

alma “…”

Yeah I’ve got nothing either, Alma.

alma “Hey Jill, what kind of girl was Lenore?”

new%20jill “Hm? Well…”

new%20jill ”Really, really gay.”

new%20jill “She was…calm, and smart.”

new%20jill “Back in college, I was too thick-headed and got riled up easily. ‘Stressed’ was my default state.”

’Stressed’ is the default state of most college students.

alma “So, just like you’re behaving right now.”

new%20jill%20blushing “Shut up. I was worse.”

alma “Can’t picture that.”

new%20jill%20blushing “Don’t. It’s embarrassing.”

new%20jill%20smiling “Anyway, she was always there, finding a way to cool me down.”

new%20jill%20smiling “She was also able to hold conversations about pretty much any topic.”

new%20jill%20smiling “One time, I saw her go from talking about video games to talking about sports.”

She knows about video games and sports? Truly a person of many interests.

new%20jill%20smiling “All of that variety while still being a hardcore scientist.”

new%20jill%20smiling “She would always push me into social interactions. If she saw me by myself, she would drag me with her.”

new%20jill%20smiling “‘Watching people is fine, but talking to them is better,’ she would say.”

new%20jill%20smiling “Lenore would always present me to her acquaintances as ‘the girl I don’t mind cuddling with for hours’.”

new%20jillsigh Man, I’m gonna miss her.”

new%20jill “After a point, I didn’t even think about getting back into a relationship with her, but…”

new%20jill “She was such an awesome person, I just wanted to apologize.”

new%20jill “And now…”

new%20jill “…sigh

new%20jill “You know…in a cruel twist of irony, she’s the one that made me pick up bartending.”

alma “Oh?”

new%20jill “Back when I was thinking what the hell to do with my life, I remembered a night we spent in the club.”

new%20jill “She started talking about how the drinks were synthesized, the chemistry involved, the reactions and all that.”

Cooking is also basically just chemistry, to be honest.

new%20jill “Everything sounded so fascinating. I remember saying that her talk made me want to start mixing drinks.”

new%20jill “She said ‘If everything else fails, why not take up bartending?’”

And now we’re stuck with this game.

alma “Huh…interesting.”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “…”

new%20jill%20eyes%20closed “…”

I’m gonna assume she’s meditating.

alma “Are you okay?”

new%20jill%20bemused “For some value of ‘okay’, yeah.”

new%20jill%20bemused “It’s just…”

new%20jill%20smiling “I wanted to thank you, Alma.”

new%20jill%20smiling ”For dealing with all of my bullshit.”

alma “T-Thank me?”

new%20jill%20smiling “I guess I just needed someone to tell all of this to. And you were the one.”

But was that really such a good idea?

new%20jill%20smiling “You volunteered yourself. You insisted on listening to me.”

new%20jill%20smiling “You stood there, listening to the whole thing from beginning to end.”

This might as well be a confession from the devs to the player.

new%20jill%20smiling “I know I might not be the most expressive person, that I’m not one to spout love and fluffiness, but…”

new%20jill%20smiling “I really like you.”

new%20jill%20smiling “Maybe I’m just a bartender and you’re just a client…”

new%20jill%20smiling “…but I really appreciate your friendship, or at the very least your patronage.”

Julianne Stingray is creating drinks. 5 patrons, 15 dollars a month.

new%20jill%20smiling “I really enjoy working for you.”

alma “…”

alma “…Jill, are you dying?”

new%20jill%20shocked “Shut up! I’m trying to have a heart to heart here!”

alma “Sorry, sorry. It’s just…”

alma “It’s weird for you to get so…sappy.”

new%20jill%20blushing “Well, I just realized that the saddest thing is how I’ll never be able to make amends…”

new%20jill%20frustrated “And it hurts like fucking hell, you know.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I never, and I mean NEVER, wanna feel that way ever again.”

new%20jill “I don’t want someone to suddenly exit my life and have my last memory of them involve something nasty.”

new%20jill “I don’t want the lingering grief of having burned a bridge on a whim.”

new%20jill “I want to avoid that at any cost. And if it means breaking character every once in a while, so be it.”

Is this…character development?

new%20jill “I’ll let everyone know how I really feel about them.”

new%20jill “And if I ever fight with them, I’ll swallow my pride, muster all the courage I can and be the one to apologize.”

new%20jill%20frustrated “I hate feeling like this. Hate it! Hate it!!”

alma “Heheh, that’s a nice resolution. Maybe I’ll be a copycat and do the same.”

alma ”Time to steal your whole character arc!”

new%20jill “…alright, enough sappiness, get back here. I’m on duty, you know?”

alma%20smiling “It was fun while it lasted though.”

Gameplay variety is not really a thing in this game so I kind of appreciated this, even if it was barely noticeable.

new%20jill “…hey.”

alma “Yeah?”

new%20jill “I-I mean it, you know? Thanks for everything today.”

alma%20smiling “Silly Jill. You listened to my problems and I listened to yours. That’s what friends are for, right?”

new%20jill “Right…”

alma “I’ll be leaving now… Oh! Before I forget.”

alma “Did you ever talk about all this with your parents?”

new%20jill “They know the basics, but I haven’t told them about Lenore’s death yet.”

alma “Why don’t you do that sometime?”

new%20jill “I don’t know. I don’t want to bother them with my problems…”

alma “Don’t be silly, they’re your parents. They live to share your problems.”

alma “You should try having a talk like this with them sometime. They’ll appreciate it.”

new%20jill “Take care.”

It’s kind of really obvious which characters this game likes the most, huh.

new%20jill “Ah Boss, d-did you hear all that?”

dana%20regular “Not all of it, but a good chunk, at the very least.”

dana%20regular “Your expression changed a lot already.”

dana%20regular ”Almost like you got a character sprite or something.”

new%20jill “It did?”

dana%20regular “You look happier. That’s always good.”

dana%20regular “Anyway, let’s call it a day. I expect an even brighter Jill tomorrow.”

dana%20regular ”Or else.”

new%20jill “Right!”

new%20jill “Oh yeah, Boss. About those chicken wings…”

dana%20peeved “Fucking idiots at the Spicy Chicken…”

dana%20peeved “‘Sorry Dana, we won’t have enough spices for your order until tomorrow.’ they said.”

What kind of asshole threatens to call the manager?

new%20jill “Boss?”

1 Like

Is anyone into wrestling here? I became a huge fan of GSF very recently, it’s a really solid product imo, much better than the ‘E.

I like the match quality but I wish they gave importance to the mid card.

Are they still forcing 66 American Kid into the main event?

Yeeep, he’s going to face Yusuke at the dome show.

Ugh, why don’t they push The Great DK instead? He’s much more talented than 66

Because American Kid actually moves merch unlike your indie darling.

I want to marry Yusuke!

Who’s hyped for the women’s championship?

That one should be the main event, not the turd we’re getting instead.

66 is pretty good, just watch some of his work in Japan.

Everyone tells me 66 was better in Japan, but all I see is locks and armbars, nothing that impressive.

Wrestling is fake.

This thread is closed

I don’t get wrestling either, and this sure isn’t helping.

It looks like we were able to record and transcribe one of the messages sent from one of the compromised signals.

Jo Ren, the anchor from our popular TV Newscast, served as our very own test subject for the investigation.

[white noise]

Who are you?

Are you really alive?

[laughs]

You’re special to me.

You’re everything to me.

It’s time to become one.

[white noise intensifies]

[end of transmission]

Developing…

The Health Observatory just released their annual report on Nanomachine Rejection cases. The total number of reported cases has risen to 80, an increase from the 65 cases reported last year.

”Nanomachine pollution was particularly strong this year due to the recent protests,” wrote the Observatory. “Protests caused the police force to release new varieties of nanomachines. Their function is still unclear but according to our sources, they’re intended for crowd control purposes.”

”It’s unlikely we’ll find a cure in the near future, and we can only hope cases like these will become rare in the following years.”

The classic “Magical Girl” show, Model Warrior Julianne, is coming back to public television this February after almost two decades of absence!

Even though the show has been on every on-demand service for a while now, most of Glitch City’s citizens need to think twice before subscribing to any non-essential service, especially the lower classes who have a limited number of internet purchases per year.

The show’s return is certainly welcome. Today’s parents will finally be able to share a piece of their childhoods with the kids, without risking dinner or breakfast.

dana%20regular “How are you feeling?”

new%20jill “I won’t say good but…”

new%20jill “Not that bad, I guess.”

Baby steps, Jill, baby steps.

dana%20regular “That’s nice to hear.”

new%20jill “Where’s Gil? Did he run away again?”

dana%20regular “Nah, I have him on errand duty, buying the drinks for tomorrow.”

new%20jill “That sounds…weird, coming from the owner of a bar.”

dana%20peeved“Every drink from here would come out of our own funds.”

dana%20peeved“So if we’re gonna spend money, we might as well get more variety.”

dana%20regular “Besides, those kinds of walks are always good for Gil.”

new%20jill “You’re the boss.”

new%20jill ”And I’m a professional scab.”

new%20jill “Who’s coming so far?”

dana%20regular “Well, there’s the three of us, the dogs, you invited titty hacker, Gil invited Jamie…”

dana%20regular “Oh yeah, I also invited Dorothy when I called her to spend the night with you.”

Motherfu-

new%20jill “Sounds good so far.”

dana%20regular “Invite anyone else you feel like inviting. The more the merrier.”

new%20jill “I could, but I bet everyone’s made plans by this point.”

dana%20regular “That’s true.”

new%20jill “Alright.”

new%20jill “Time to mix drinks and change lives.”

??? “Wait here. I’ll check inside.”

new%20jill “Welcome to Valhalla.”

vella “Excuse me. Do you know where the Athena Convention Center is?”

Ah, conventions. Last month I went to a local con and there was a drag queen voguing to a Sailor Moon song. Good times.

new%20jill “Why does that place make people get lost so easily?”

new%20jill “They should’ve called it the MInotaur Center.”

Jill, you’d make a poor Ariadne.

vella “…”

Kids these days. They don’t appreciate a good Greek mythology reference when they see one.

new%20jill “…”

new%20jill “Hold on, let me scribble the directions on paper.”

vella “Thanks.”

new%20jill “…go to the right…when you see a building filled with hobos…”

That’s a really sensitive way to refer to homeless people, yeah.

new%20jill “This should be it.”

vella “Thanks a lot.”

new%20jill “Anything else I can help you with?”

vella “Hm…eh, what the hell. I’ll have a drink.”

vella “What about you?”

essentia “…”

new%20jill “Um…”

vella “A Brandtini, please.”

new%20jill “Right.”

vella “Thanks.”

new%20jill “That’s an interesting outfit in this cold season, Miss…”

vella “Well, I’m actually cosplaying so…call me Vella for the time being.”

new%20jill “And your Lilim friend is…?”

essentia “…Essentia.”

That’s a Final Fantasy character name. It has to be.

new%20jill “I get it. You’re cosplaying too?”

essentia “…”

essentia “Sure, let’s go with that.”

vella “Have you heard of a game called YIIK, bartender?”

new%20jill “That cult classic game that has seen like three remastered versions made by six different companies this year?”

Is this what happens when game preservation isn’t a thing?

vella “That one. We’re in a cosplay group dedicated to it and we got lost on the way.”

new%20jill “I heard you talking to someone outside.”

vella “Oh, yeah. A friend is cosplaying as Alex. I told him to wait outside.”

new%20jill “Shouldn’t he enter?”

vella “He’ll be fine.”

essentia “…”

new%20jill “S-Something amiss?”

essentia “…there’s a girl behind you.”

essentia “…short hair, black sailor uniform, missing an arm.”

essentia “…wearing jeans under a skirt.”

And this subplot rears its head again. It’ll be explained…eventually. It’s kinda dumb.

new%20jill “…”

vella “Now, now. Don’t spook the bartender.”

essentia “Spook?”

new%20jillahem

new%20jill “Anything else?”

vella “I’ll get a Fluffy Dream and be on my way.”

new%20jill “And you?”

essentia “…I’m fine.”

new%20jill “…”

vella “Yup, this is the thing.”

new%20jill “Seriously though, should you leave your friend outside like that?”

vella “He’ll be fine. He started chatting with one of the vending machines.”

vella “They were talking about R&B music.”

new%20jill “Does your friend prefer the 1980’s R&B or the 1970’s?”

vella “1980’s I think.”

new%20jill “Oh shit…”

new%20jill “Boss! Didi! R&B!”

dana%20regular “I’m coming!”

vella “Um…”

new%20jill “You see, Didi is a 1970’s purist.”

new%20jill “He has tased people for even liking 1980’s R&B before.”

Still sounds better than most music snobs.

dana%20regular “He got tased!”

new%20jillsigh

vella “Oh god.”

new%20jill “He’ll be fine. Vending machines have very weak tasers.”

Why do they even have tasers?

new%20jill “He’ll be confused for a couple of minutes, but that will be it.”

new%20jill “You should go check on him though.”

new%20jill “Please come again.”

dana%20peevedsigh At least it wasn’t Franco-Belgian comic opinions this time.”

I dunno, throwing hands over stuff like Tintin sounds like a blast to me.

new%20jill (“‘Black sailor uniform’? I hope I’m just overthinking it.”)

new%20jill (“…more importantly though. ‘Jeans under a skirt’?”)

Yeah, that’s just tacky.

new%20jill “Welcome to Valhalla.”

new%20jill “Oh! Hey, Dorothy.”

new%20jill ”The bane of my existence.”

:tw: You know the drill: warning for Dorothy content. :tw:

new%20jill “Are you okay?”

new%20jill (“Can Lilim ‘just wander’?”)

new%20jill “Can I get you something?”

dorothy%20upset “Oh! Uh…a Sugar Rush. Yeah, that.”

new%20jill “Right…”

Indeed she has, and as we can see from the screenshot, it’s a Piano Woman. And yeah, it’s another one of these moments. Nice idea, but unfortunately…it’s Dorothy.

dorothy “This is…”

new%20jill “Didn’t you say you liked having a Piano Woman whenever you felt like celebrating, or were feeling down?”

dorothy%20upset “I did?”

I swear to god Dorothy’s expression here reminds me of that one commercial for some bootleg antivirus. This thing right here.

49%20PM

dorothy%20shocked “You’re so sweet~”

new%20jill (“I was half expecting her to say that she meant a literal Piano Woman. Glad I was wrong.”)

Me too, Jill.

new%20jill “…”

dorothy%20shocked “…”

new%20jill (“So much silence…”)

new%20jill “By the way, thanks for staying with me the other day. Turns out I really needed that.”

new%20jill “So, did you enjoy the soda?”

dorothy “Oh, did you find that one out?”

new%20jill “Was it supposed to be a secret?”

dorothy “No…but don’t go around telling everyone about that.”

dorothy%20flirty “I did it because it was you who needed my help, but a hug night is usually one of my most expensive services.”

new%20jill “It is?”

dorothy%20pout “Hey, I don’t know if the client has body odor or something like that.”

dorothy%20pout “Not to mention it limits the chances of getting any other client that night.”

Isn’t she such a sweet friend? It almost makes me want to puke.

dorothy “Still, did it help?”

new%20jill “Yeah, it helped me cool down a lot.”

dorothy “So, from what Dana told me, someone close to you died, right?”

new%20jill “Yeah.”

new%20jill “Do you wanna know more about it?”

new%20jill ”If I share my trauma with two more people I get a prize!”

dorothy “Do you wanna tell me about it?”

new%20jill “I’ve brought it up enough times already, I think.”

dorothy “No problem then. You were sad and that’s all I needed to know.”

dorothy%20upset “Sorry for the loss though. I mean it.”

new%20jill “Thanks.”

new%20jill “Although I’ve wondered for a while, do you Lilim really understand death?”

”Can robots truly be human?” is, as we all know, one of the cornerstones of cyberpunk, alongside “Technology is cool” and Vaguely East Asian aesthetics.

dorothy%20upset “Sorta, kinda…”

dorothy%20upset “Our database is constantly being backed up in the Collective Source.”

dorothy%20upset “Even if our bodies are destroyed, we can be deployed again with our personalities and memories intact.”

dorothy%20upset “So…our concept of ‘mortality’ might be different.”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “We do have a fear of death though…”

new%20jill “You do?”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “We can’t even begin to understand the idea of not being redeployed.”

dorothy%20upset “While we have built-in ‘warnings’, the mere idea of that…nothingness is paralyzing.”

dorothy%20upset “There are a few that don’t mind it, but we do fear death and we don’t wish it on anyone.”

dorothy “In fact, that was the argument used for abolishing the whole three laws thing.”

Can we just ban sci-fi writers from referencing the Three Laws of Robotics? It’s such a fucking cliche by this point.

new%20jill “You seem quite knowledgeable about robot history.”

dorothy “Seeing what others have done to make sure I can live like I do helps me not take things for granted.”

dorothy%20pout “Seriously though, those laws were bullshit.”

dorothy%20pout “‘Can’t harm humans, can’t disobey humans unless it’s about hurting them…”

dorothy%20pout “…and you can protect yourself as long as it doesn’t harm humans.’”

dorothy%20pout “I mean, sure. The first AIs were just helpers and tools.”

dorothy%20pout “But how could those laws still apply to them after they achieved self-awareness?”

dorothy%20pout “Who in their right mind would abide only by rules inscribed in some old book?!”

Hack writers. It’s why so many fantasy stories have elves and dwarves.

new%20jill “If I remember correctly, those were only the distilled versions of the ‘laws’ some writer imagined over 100 years ago.”

new%20jill “They were a reduced version of all his ideas.”

new%20jill “However, many authors afterwards took to them like they were the very laws of physics, or something.”

new%20jill “And like many other things, people distill and exaggerate what they need and use it to their favor.”

dorothy%20flirty “Wow, you’re a nerd.”

new%20jill “Look who’s talking.”

dorothy%20flirty “Let’s change the subject a bit though. Mood’s getting gloomy.”

dorothy “Your apartment is very comfy, you know?”

new%20jill “It’s a tad small though. Sorry about that.”

dorothy “And your cat is so cute! What was his name again?”

new%20jill “Fore.”

dorothy “Why Fore?”

new%20jill “I figured if he ever got lost, at least I wanted to be able to yell ‘FOOOOOOOOORE!!’”

new%20jill “It happened once. You’d be surprised by how many golf players you run into.”

You know this is a dystopian setting because golf is still a thing.

dorothy “And every time you play with him, you can say it’s Fore Play. He-he. He.”

Oh shut up.

new%20jill “Pfft…yeah.”

new%20jill “He was also named after…someone.”

dorothy “Really? Who?”

new%20jill “A Lilim kid that wanted to transcend.”

dorothy “What? A movie character or something?”

new%20jill “Sure, let’s go with that.”

Is…is this a reference to A.I. Artificial Intelligence?

dorothy%20upset “…?”

new%20jill “Do you want anything else?”

dorothy “Let’s see if you know me that well. Give me something I’d like.”

new%20jill “Okay then.”

dorothy “This one’s pretty basic, huh?”

Nothing wrong with a basic drink, y’know.

new%20jill “First drink ever created on this system. Still a favorite of the people up till today.”

dorothy “Can’t blame ‘em.”

dorothy%20shocked “I still can’t believe you actually remembered what I said about the Piano Woman.”

new%20jill “It’s always good to keep note of what regulars like, you know?”

new%20jill “I’ve wondered for a while, though. Why do you keep coming back here?”

The in-universe answer is some sappy garbage probably. The actual answer is that the writer REALLY liked this character and had to shove her in your face.

dorothy%20smiling “For you, of course.”

new%20jill “Come again?”

dorothy%20smiling “Why else would I come, if not to see you?”

dorothy “You’re one of the few people willing to hear me out, always filled with curiosity.”

dorothy “And you’re cute. Talking to cute people is always nice.”

dorothy “There’s also the bar, the way it’s insulated from the noise of the city. It’s really comfortable.”

dorothy “And it’s just a bit away from the street I’m always at. A win-win situation!”

new%20jill “I see.”

At this point they might as well just have the characters saying ‘naruhodo’.

new%20jill “It was weird to see you down though. Especially since you’re always so lively.”

dorothy “Well, I wasn’t down, really. I was just thinking about a lot of things.”

new%20jill “Like what?”

dorothy ”Well, if there were two guys on the moon and one killed the other with a rock…”

dorothy%20upset “Well, my mom, er…guardian asked me to go home on Monday for a bit.”

dorothy%20upset “And as much as I love her, being with her is usually…tiring.”

new%20jill “‘Guardian’…”

new%20jill “The whole thing about someone taking care of a Lilim after they’re deployed until they reach maturity, right?”

dorothy “Yup. And I’m proud to say that I reached psychological maturity in just one year!”

dorothy ”My character concept technically isn’t fucked up!”

dorothy “They always try and keep a varied pool of volunteers to make the Collective Source grow faster.”

new%20jill “So, what’s wrong with your guardian?”

dorothy%20upset “Well, she still treats me like a kid.”

dorothy%20upset “The worst part is that sometimes I fear she might see me as some sort of replacement for her dead daughter.”

new%20jill “Huh? Dead daughter?”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “I was deployed to her not long after she lost her daughter. A contrived coincidence, really.”

dorothy%20upset “Even when I was still developing Self-Awareness, I always feared she might be using me as a replacement.”

dorothy%20upset “She didn’t though, or at least not consciously.”

dorothy%20upset “At times she would just stop doing something, or return a gift she’s given me…”

dorothy%20upset “If she felt like she was projecting too much of her daughter onto me.”

dorothy “What irony that years later, I’d make a living pretending to be someone else in the bedroom.”

new%20jill “How’s that?”

dorothy “Well, most of the time, my job involves roleplaying. A daughter, a student, some helpless kid…”

Why why why why why.

dorothy%20upset “It means I’ve gotten many clients looking exactly for that, but on the other hand…”

dorothy “From a professional standpoint, I’d rather have them hire me because of me.”

dorothy “Because of my character, not because I’m “The one that roleplays as little girls’.”

Would that really make it better though.

dorothy “Maybe I need to exaggerate some attribute…”

new%20jill “What’s the problem with your guardian then? If you do that on a daily basis, why worry about it?”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “Because I don’t wanna make her sad.”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “Every time I visit her, I fear she might look at me and see her daughter. That seeing me makes her sad.”

dorothy%20verge%20of%20tears “At this point, I don’t even care if she’s projecting her daughter onto me, I just don’t wanna make her feel sad.”

new%20jill “Did you try talking to her.”

Communication is the foundation.

dorothy%20upset “How so?”

new%20jill “Telling her what you just said to me. Clear up those fears.”

new%20jill “I mean, unless she’s not the kind to want anyone opening up to her, that is.”

dorothy%20upset “I…never really thought about talking to her about that.”

dorothy%20upset “It doesn’t sound like something you just bring up though.”

new%20jill “Keep it in mind, at least. Maybe she’ll appreciate the gesture.”

new%20jill “I wouldn’t know though. I haven’t met her.”

dorothy “She’s a really nice woman. The problem is mostly with me, I think.”

new%20jill “Well then, I’m taking my break.”

Oh good.

dorothy%20upset “Oh…I’ll be leaving then.”

new%20jill “No, what I was trying to say is that I’m taking my break, you wanna come?”

Motherfu-

dorothy “Really?”

new%20jill “If you don’t mind talking on a chilly night in an alley behind the bar, that is.”

dorothy%20flirty “Eh, I’ve done worse in alleys.”

No one needed that reminder.

dorothy “Let’s go!”

new%20jill “Boss! I’m taking my break.”

dana%20regular “Alright!”

1 Like

Dorothy you explicitly elected to remain in a prepubescent chassis because it filled a business niche no one else was sociopathic enough to cover. You are 100% not allowed to complain about the fact that people go to you because they’re after that particular service.

dorothy “Are you really offering a little girl a cigarette?”

new%20jill “NOW you’re a little girl?”

It’s fetish apologia, you can’t really expect it to be consistent.

dorothy “I always am. Innocence, however, is another matter entirely.”

Ew.

dorothy “But anyway. Thanks, no. Smoking seriously messes with my air filters and they’re a hassle to replace.”

dorothy “Don’t mind me though. Smoke to your heart’s content.”

new%20jill “So, why don’t you tell me about this guardian of yours? I wanna know what kind of woman she is.”

dorothy “Sure!”

Is it tragic backstory time? I hope it’s tragic backstory time.

dorothy “Well, her name is Sophia Graem.”

new%20jill (“G-Graem?!”)

This will end up being relevant later. Like, ‘end of the game’ later.

dorothy “She’s a retired P.E. teacher. Nowadays she works at a gym during the morning shift.”

dorothy “She’s pretty fit, if I do say so myself.”

dorothy “She had a daughter. Apparently she suffered from Nanomachine Rejection all of her life…”

Well, it’s not exactly her tragic backstory, but it’s close enough.

dorothy “…and when she finally healed, she was hit by a truck.”

Oh that’s just overkill.

new%20jill “Um…what was her daughter’s name?”

dorothy “I don’t know, I never asked really.”

dorothy “Are you okay? I’m reading fear…or is that surprise? It’s hard to tell.”

With Dorothy I think it’s both.

new%20jill “I’m fine yea-…wait, ‘read’?”

dorothy “Well, I don’t ‘see’ emotions like you do.”

dorothy “I have to make do with a combination of body heat readings, face recognition and context.”

Body heat readings? Is Dorothy secretly a Predator? I would…much prefer that.

dorothy “I’m still a bit confused about some, but I’ve gotten better with time.”

dorothy “Anyway, you sure you’re fine?”

Is anyone in her presence ever truly ‘fine’?

new%20jill “Yeah, yeah.”

new%20jill (“Scared or surprised…she’s not wrong though.”)

new%20jill “Wait, does that mean your last name isn’t really Haze?”

dorothy “Haze is just my artistic name. Sounds more exotic and that’s what people usually look for in this business.”

dorothy “I tried other names though.”

dorothy “Dolores Haze, Genesis Graem…”

Dolores Haze also happens to be the name of the girl from Lolita. So…take that as you will.

dorothy “I tried Dorothy Warrior once, but a legal team came out of nowhere and stopped me cold.”

So it’s a Disney IP then?

new%20jill “So, what’s your legal name, then?”

dorothy “Rebecca Dorothy Willow Graem. A bit of a mouthful, if you ask me.”

new%20jill “So Dorothy’s actually your second name?”

new%20jill “Should I call you something like Becky then?”

The name Becky just makes me think of this old-ass tumblr meme. http://i45.tinypic.com/2pqubya.png

dorothy “People have always called me Dorothy rather than Rebecca for some reason. That’s why I chose it.”

dorothy “It’s useful too. People have tried to falsify stuff using my name and they always get caught.”

new%20jill “Because they use ‘Dorothy Haze’ as their name?”

dorothy “Yup.”

dorothy “Only my mom…err…guardian calls me Rebecca, so it’s weird to hear it from others.”

new%20jill “What about Willow?”

dorothy “Willow’s my first surname, actually.”

dorothy “When I got registered, my guardian was married to a guy who had ‘Willow’ as a last name.”

dorothy “Shortly after I joined their household, they separated, so I was left with his family name first.”

new%20jill “Hold on, so your real name in short would be ‘Rebecca Willow’?”

dorothy “Doesn’t have the same pizzaz to it if you ask me.”

Unfortunately, I have to agree. Rebecca Willow really does not roll off the tongue.

new%20jill “Whatever you say, Becky.”

dorothy “Stop it!”

dorothy “It’d be like if I called you Julianne all of a sudden.”

new%20jill “NGH!”

new%20jillahem

dorothy “Whoa, that was anger I read just now. Lots of anger.”

new%20jill “I think it’s weird enough already if you call me Jill instead of ‘honey’.”

dorothy “Weird, huh? How you can end up feeling associated with a name that’s not yours?”

Or if you’re like me, you have to come up with a new name from scratch!

new%20jill “I have an uncle that always called me Tina. He kept calling my cousin Tina ‘Jill,’ for some reason.”

new%20jill “Neither of us mind it, though. Because he’s calling us what he thinks we’re called instead of mixing us up.”

new%20jill “…that and it’s completely useless to try and correct him.”

new%20jill “But you know, maybe that effect is true for your clients too.”

Well that came out of nowhere.

dorothy “How so?”

new%20jill “Well, you’re worried about your clients not hiring you because you’re…you, right?”

new%20jill “But think about what happens when it’s announced that a character will be played by a different actor.”

A bunch of nerds complain on the internet?

new%20jill “Sure, it’s a character, but people are also going for the actor playing the character.”

dorothy “So you’re saying they go for MY roleplay instead of just mere roleplay?”

new%20jill “Sounds too far-fetched?”

Jill don’t encourage her please.

dorothy “Sounds plausible, actually.”

dorothy “Okay honey! I’ll take my leave now. Don’t wanna take up all of your break.”

dorothy “Thanks for the chat. See you at the party tomorrow!”

new%20jill “Bye.”

new%20jill “Back! Did I miss something?”

new%20jill “Alright.”

new%20jill “Going out?”

dana%20peeved “I’ll have a word with Gogo outside. He was so hyped for that match. He must be devastated.”

Some people I follow on Twitter talk about wrestling and every time it’s like trying to decipher an alien language.

new%20jill “Welcome to Valhalla.”

new%20jill “Oh, hi Sei.”

new%20jill “How are you doing?”

new%20sei%20smiling “The nightmares have stopped, so I’m sleeping better.”

Unfortunately we are all trapped in this waking nightmare.

new%20jill “…”

new%20jillahem

new%20jill “Um…how about your injuries?”

new%20sei “My bones are healing nicely. My wounds finally closed…the scars itch a bit, though.”

new%20jill “Well, that’s good to hear.”

new%20jill “Are you by yourself today?”

new%20sei “Yeah, I’m running a couple of errands for myself today, but I wanted to come here for a while.”

new%20jill “I also notice the big guy from last time is outside.”

new%20sei “Buster? Stella doesn’t want me being alone while I’m still healing, so she suggested taking him with me.”

new%20jill “Ah, I see.”

I get that they need some way to end conversations, but seeing ‘I see’ so many times just gets infuriating. It’s like I’m watching a terrible fansub.

new%20jill “What can I get you?”

new%20sei “Something cold.”

Sounds like another opportunity to rip off a customer!

new%20jill “Sure.”

new%20sei “Yeah! This is the one.”

new%20jill “Why drink something cold when the weather outside is so cold too?”

Same reason one would eat hot spicy food in the summer. Feels good.

new%20sei “It’s not that cold, actually.”

new%20sei “But I’ve always had a decent tolerance for the cold, so I’m not a good reference.”

new%20jill “So, Stella isn’t with you today?”

new%20sei “She’s throwing a Mega Christmas party tomorrow and is having a meeting today.”

new%20sei “I’m just helping her by checking on some of the things she ordered.”

A fuckton of booze, I’m assuming.

new%20jill “And here I was, all ready to invite you to the party we’re throwing tomorrow.”

Unfortunately the powers that be demanded that Dorothy replace any halfway decent characters.

new%20sei%20blushing “You’re throwing a party too? Sorry about that! Can’t really say no to Stella.”

new%20sei%20blushing “Maybe next time?”

new%20jill (“If there’s a next time at all.”)

new%20jill “Don’t worry about it. It’s not a big deal.”

new%20sei%20blushing “I-I want you to know that I want you to have a good time.”

new%20sei%20blushing “Have fun! Drink a couple of Beers in our honor!”

new%20jill “Heh. I will, then.”

That heh makes Jill sound like she’s Solid Snake or something…which would be an improvement.

new%20jill “What are Stella’s Christmas parties like?”

new%20sei%20smiling “They’re really big. There’s lots of food and drinks and music…”

new%20sei “Sometimes there’s too much food, though.”

No such thing.

new%20sei “So at the end of the party, she lets the staff take home whatever’s left.”

new%20sei “She also buys toys for all the children of her staff members.”

new%20jill “Really?”

new%20sei%20smiling “She says something about taxes or whatever, but during the whole thing, she just…shines.”

Stella keeps all her money in tax havens confirmed.

new%20sei%20smiling “She carries a beaming smile that I don’t see any other day of the year.”

new%20sei%20smiling “Many of the kids have even started calling her ‘Auntie Ella’.”

new%20jill “Heh…”

new%20sei “Stella always does her best to put up a tough girl facade, but she’s very much in touch with her inner child.”

new%20sei “Christmas, Easter, Halloween. Name a party and she most likely celebrates it big.”

How do people in other countries even celebrate Easter? ‘Cause over here it’s more like a family thing if anything.

new%20jill “Interesting.”

new%20sei “Do you like parties, Jill?”

new%20jill “I don’t mind them. They’re a good place to see people.”

Jill is the type of person that stands in the corner during parties isn’t she.

new%20jill “I’m not one to actively look for parties to attend, though. I just…don’t mind going to them.”

new%20sei “Ah, I see.”

new%20sei “I only go to parties that Stella is attending. Because otherwise, I’d just stand there without anything to say.”

new%20sei “That and…I’m not one to wear dresses, you know?”

new%20jill “You’re not?”

new%20sei “I’m a tad too ripped. They don’t look cute on me.”

new%20sei “Although, with all this healing I have to do, I won’t be as fit for a while.”

new%20sei%20sad “They’re too…um…breezy too. I feel like I’m wearing nothing.”

new%20sei ”Feels like I’m wearing nothing at all…nothing at all…nothing at all…”

new%20jill ”Stupid sexy Sei.”

new%20sei “But I bet you’d look good in a dress, Jill.”

new%20jill “It’s been years since I last wore one. I wouldn’t know.”

new%20jill “Last time I wore one, I remember worrying my arms were too thin or something like that.”

new%20sei “We all have a complex, huh?”

new%20sei “I mean, even Stella has her own.”

_I think it’s called ‘being rich’.”

new%20jill “That’s…hard to imagine.”

new%20sei “Oh, but she does have one. She distresses a lot about her bust size.”

Why oh why do so many of the female characters in this game talk about tits so much.

new%20jill “Really? She’s not that small. I think I’m smaller than her, in fact.”

new%20sei “Actually, it’s the opposite. The opposite kind of complex, I mean.”

new%20sei “She’s a bit self-conscious about having a big chest.”

new%20jill “Really?”

new%20jill “…again, I’ve seen bigger chests than hers, to be honest.”

new%20jill “Although I guess comparisons are useless here. They rarely help with complexes.”

new%20sei “Well, she does go the extra mile to hide it.”

Oh sweet fuck they’re still talking about it.

new%20sei “In fact, I have no idea how she does it.”

new%20sei “I mean, I’ve seen her before and after she tucks them away, but…I guess I never cared enough to ask the specifics.”

And you shouldn’t ask because who the fuck cares.

new%20sei “That’s also why when she goes out, she styles her hair in those…um…”

I was gonna compare them to Juri Arisugawa’s hair, but they’re way more elaborate than her curls.

new%20jill “Drills?”

new%20sei “They look a bit drill-y, don’t they?”

new%20sei “She styles her hair like that to help divert attention away from her chest.”

new%20jill “She seems affluent enough, why not go through a reduction surgery?”

new%20sei “Because she also kinda likes having that size.”

I’m sure her back would disagree.

new%20sei “She takes her bust size after her mom. And Miss Carmine is quite proud of her chest.”

A family lineage of big titties…god that’s so fucking dumb.

new%20sei%20smiling “‘Puffing out your chest is a sign of confidence! And a bigger chest means more confidence to show!’”

And what ecchi show did the writer steal that quote from I wonder.

new%20sei%20smiling “She says something along those lines a lot.”

new%20sei “Stella has quite the admiration for her mom, so I guess breast reduction would feel like betraying her?”

new%20sei ”That and the artist wanted to draw some big titties.”

new%20jill “Huh…”

new%20sei “I’m making it sound like she’s hiding J cups or something like that.”

new%20sei “I guess in a taller or thicker person, her size would be normal. She’s just a bit shorter or thinner than the norm.”

new%20sei “Do you get self-conscious about your bust size, Jill?”

Is this really a conversation that needs to last this long?

new%20jill “Not really. I’ve been more self-conscious about my height.”

new%20jill “Although it usually comes up whenever not being average height hinders me somehow.”

Like having to reach for something that’s too high up at the grocery store? Relatable honestly.

new%20jill “What about you?”

new%20sei “Yes and…no?”

new%20sei%20sad “It’s not my bust size, but rather that I look too manly sometimes.”

Hahahahahah do the devs actually think that this is what a masculine woman looks like because holy shit.

new%20sei%20sad “And I can’t help but wonder if bigger boobs would help with that.”

new%20jill “You’re fine, don’t worry.”

new%20jill ”This game’s never gonna have a female character that defies traditional beauty standards!”

new%20sei%20smiling “Thank you.”

new%20jill “Can I get you anything else?”

new%20sei “Hm…”

new%20sei “Do you have something non-alcoholic?”

new%20jill “I do. Gimme a sec.”

new%20sei “Thanks!”

new%20jill “You’re not one to drink that much alcohol, are you?”

new%20sei “It makes me feel sleepy or, at the very least, makes my legs go numb.”

new%20sei%20sad “It’s an annoying feeling, to be honest.”

new%20sei “It makes me wonder what’s so good about getting drunk.”

From what I understand, it’s good for forgetting stuff.

new%20sei “I mean, I’m not above it, but it’s not exactly a pleasant feeling.”

And that’s why you should drink plenty of water as well.

new%20sei “You feel like you’re sleepy even when you’re not…”

new%20sei “Your legs go numb. Everything starts sounding funnier than it really is…”

I’m pretty sure that the latter is a side-effect of smoking weed.

new%20sei “What’s so good about not being able to control yourself?”

new%20jill “That’s…a good question, actually.”

new%20jill “Usually people like feeling numb because that numbness helps them forget their problems.”

new%20jill “Even if we don’t talk about alcohol, there’s a portion of people that can’t afford food…”

new%20jill “Or who are suffering from some pain that only alleviates when drunk or high.”

new%20jill “It doesn’t sound really logical on paper, but then again, humans are rarely, if ever, logical creatures.”

new%20jill “Despair and pain cloud your judgement and make you do stupid things sometimes…”

new%20sei%20sad “…”

new%20sei%20sad “Yeah…I’ve seen that firsthand.”

new%20sei%20sad “This world has an ugly side nobody deserves to be a part of.”

new%20sei%20sad “…”

new%20jillahem

new%20jill “There’s also a matter of addiction, you know?”

What Jill was talking about earlier wasn’t related to addiction, then?

new%20jill “You start just liking the drink, but then you need more of it and before you know it, you’re hooked.”

new%20sei “Oh yeah, that too.”

new%20sei “So tell me, what kind of party are you guys throwing?”

new%20jill “Nothing fancy. It’ll just be me, Boss, Gil and a couple of regulars.”

new%20jill “They’ll bring food. We’ll chat for a while, and that’s it.”

One time I hosted a New Year’s party and this dude lit my hair on fire with his lighter. Fun times.

new%20sei%20smiling “Man, that sounds so good.”

new%20sei%20smiling “At least better than the whole planning madness Stella is throwing right now.:

new%20sei%20smiling “If you ever throw something like that again, you let me know, you hear?”

new%20jill “Sure.”

new%20jill “…”

new%20jill “Hey, Sei…”

new%20sei “Yeah?”

new%20jill “What do you plan on doing now?”

new%20sei “I’m gonna check one last errand before going home.”

new%20jill “No, I mean…what do you plan on doing now, with the White Knights disbanded and all?”

new%20sei “…”

new%20sei%20sad “To be honest, I don’t know.”

new%20sei%20sad “I never prepared for a Plan B because I figured, if you can go with a Plan B, why not just make it the Plan A?”

new%20sei%20sad “I’m not the brightest person, so I never graduated from college or even high school.”

Let’s be real here, a lot of people who did finish college are complete idiots.

new%20sei%20sad “I could go for a position with the police, but it wouldn’t be as thrilling…”

new%20sei%20sad “…and I’m sick of blatant corruption. Sick of it.”

Corruption is a huge political talking point and I think that by this point it’s practically become meaningless.

new%20jill “Oh…”

new%20sei “But I’m alive.”

new%20jill “Hm?”

new%20sei “I learned something after that hell in Apollo Trust.”

new%20sei ”Fuck banks.”

new%20sei “Life is not something that you can just throw away easily.”

new%20sei “Clawing my way out of that place made me realize just how much I wanna be alive.”

new%20sei “The body count left in the bank was ridiculous, but I’m still here.”

new%20sei%20smiling “I don’t know what I’ll do, but I’m alive. I’ll figure it out sooner or later.”

new%20jill “That’s nice to know.”

new%20sei%20smiling “Well, I gotta go.”

new%20jill “Please come again.”

new%20jill “Welcome to Valhalla.”

new%20jill “Oh. Hi, Mr. Detective.”

This bit is going to be shorter, because the devs really really love playing favorites.

art “Give me a strong drink, won’t you?”

new%20jill “Alright.”

art “Yes, this’ll do.”

new%20jill “So, what brought you here?”

art “Nothing special. I was just working on a case and I happened to be in the area.”

new%20jill “What kind of work?”

I mean, probably detective stuff. What else could it be?

art “Tracking someone…a gun-for-hire.”

new%20jill “What about the girl? Crimson something.”

art “I am tracking that girl.”

new%20jill “Didn’t you just get out of that job?”

art%20annoyed “I did, but the guy offered a huge amount of money and…well…I just couldn’t refuse again.”

The plot thread that never ends.

new%20jill “Well, it’s your life. Not mine.”

new%20jill “I wonder, though. There has to be more to that whole thing than just acting as a middleman to look for some murderer.”

art%20annoyed “Hm…”

art%20annoyed “Say, how safe is this place?”

Considering how many fucking weirdos walk into this place, I’d say not very.

new%20jill “We’re protected by the BTC property laws, the walls are soundproof…”

new%20jill “…and I really couldn’t give less of a shit about selling info to anyone.”

art “Okay, then…wait? Soundproof walls? Why?”

new%20jill ”So no one calls the cops on us.”

new%20jill “Did you see those vending machines outside?”

new%20jill “They’re quite talkative, the bastards. It’d be annoying without those walls.”

art “Alright then.”

art “Have you heard of Lord Lance Lavender?”

Sounds like someone’s tabletop character.

new%20jill “Nope.”

art “He’s some big name from Kanyevania. His blood apparently has some weird reaction to Glitch City’s nanomachines.”

Kanyevania? Really? Really?

art “Once in contact with the air, it does nothing.”

art “But if still fresh and touching someone’s blood, the nanomachines will initiate a reaction.”

art “Essentially, they’ll just eat through the other person’s body until there’s nothing left.”

art “They’re using him as a guinea pig to see what causes that reaction and if it could be used to fight Nanomachine Rejection.”

Genuinely don’t know if this game wants me to take Nanomachine Rejection seriously because I cannot.

new%20jill “Uh-huh…”

art%20annoyed “Well…turns out the Crimson Rose is his daughter.”

Wow, the plot thickens. I guess.

art “She left years ago to earn her living here and he hasn’t seen her ever since.”

new%20jill “He could be lying, you know?”

art “Doubt it. I did my research. She really is his daughter.”

new%20jill “Why didn’t you figure that out earlier?”

art “I had no clue who was making the contract, and tracking all the messages to the source would’ve been too costly.”

art “Knowing who the sender was made things easier.”

new%20jill “I see.”

new%20jill “Can I get you anything else?”

art “Hm…what about a Cobalt Velvet?”

new%20jill “Okay.”

art “Oh…you actually did it.”

new%20jill “Were you expecting me to mess up so you didn’t have to pay?”

art “N-No…”

PSA: don’t be a dick to service workers. Ever.

new%20jill “So what made you accept the contract, anyway? Keeping in mind all the risks you told me last time?”

art “He told me he wanted to see her again one last time or, at the very least, deliver her a message.”

new%20jill “He could’ve been lying.”

art “Yes, people lie. You made your point.”

art “Even then, I felt like I couldn’t say no.”

art “I mean, I know what it’s like not being able to find your daughter…”

Even this game can’t escape the dreaded sad dad curse.

art “What it’s like to be apart from her, not knowing what she’s doing or even if she’s alright.”

new%20jill “You do?”

art%20annoyed “I have a daughter. She’s about your age.”

art%20annoyed “When she was a teen, we had a big fight and she ran away from home.”

art%20annoyed “At first, I just waited for her to show up. But then I started getting worried and went out to find her.”

art%20annoyed “I couldn’t find any trace of her. Nobody had seen her. Soon, I was worried if something might’ve happened to her.”

art%20annoyed “I guess that’s how my tracking skills and list of contacts began to grow.”

art%20annoyed “I finally found her, taking cover in some dumpster, unconscious from starvation.”

art%20annoyed “So yeah, I just couldn’t say no to his request of finding his daughter.”

art%20annoyed “But I don’t expect you to understand.”

I don’t care about even the most sympathetic sad dad stories, is my problem. It’s just so fucking overdone by this point.

new%20jill “…”

new%20jill “So, how’s the search going?”

art “I’m very close to finding her…that girl’s pretty good at covering her tracks.”

art “Compared to the her from before the bank incident, though, she seems slower, somehow.”

art “Either she’s let her guard down or something else is happening.”

new%20jill “What will you do when you find her?”

art “I have this letter I’m supposed to deliver to her.”

art “I don’t know what it says and I don’t want to find out.”

The big twist is that it’s just a drawing of dickbutt.

new%20jill “What if she tries to kill you?”

art “I might not look like it, but I can take care of myself, bartender.”

art “You don’t stay so long in this business without picking up a couple of tricks.”

new%20jill “Yeah, I guess you’re right.”

new%20jill “Please come again.”

new%20jill “Yeah.”

dana%20regular “Okay then! I want you here tomorrow at 8 P.M. No working beforehand. The bar will be closed tomorrow.”

dana%20regular “Come dressed in your absolute best! We’re having a party after all.”

Is formal wear a thing for Christmas parties anywhere?

new%20jill “Alright.”

new%20jill “Where’s Gil, by the way?”

I was going to put a snarky joke here but it turns out I already made the same joke a couple of updates earlier. Whoops.

dana%20regular “He stored all of our things in his home because of how close it was to the stores.”

dana%20regular “So I told him to go home already and bring the stuff tomorrow.”

new%20jill “I see.”

new%20jill “Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.”

dana%20regular “Hold on, wait a bit and I’ll go with you.”

new%20jill “Oh, sure. Thanks.”

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Short update this time, but the way this day is paced, I really couldn’t help it.

No new danger/u/ threads today, which I think is a blessing or something.

The messages have suddenly stopped and everything is normal again. Still, we can’t stop wondering what’s the deal.

Was it a prankster, or someone who just discovered how to subvert public communication channels in Lilim?

Either way, some reports indicate that Lilim behavior has been rather unusual as of late, although we can only imagine the confusion they were going through.

Not the first time

Let’s not forget that something similar happened five years ago, when Lilim advancement was at its historic high. Fortunately, nothing came out of it. Will it happen again? Time will tell.

The ones without artificial intelligence, mind you!

The King of the West, KAN-JYE from the western nation of Kanyevania, has approximately 6000 robot soldiers, all of whom look like the hottest girls around. But is this show of quirkiness from the wacky dictator problematic?

”Those dictators from Venezuela or whatever just do whatever they want, they don’t give a sh*t,” Mariana Zimmer, 35, told The Augmented Eye during a street interview.

”They’re all pretty hot though, if I was him, I’d have done the same. Why bother with the ‘real’ thing when you just make them from scratch to match your every need?”

More as we investigate.

A Kanye West reference and a pointless dig at Venezuela at the same time? Keep it classy Sukeban.

If you weren’t a fan of yuri or slice-of-life shows already, then be prepared to join the moe church this season with the premiere of Yooroo Yooree, one of the funniest shows I’ve seen in recent years.

The pals at the popular danger/u/ forum seem to be divided, however.

”This is such an obvious pandering.”

”Remember when anime was about women doing womanly things and beating the shit out of each other? What is this trash?”

”You girls are just haters who hate their lives :^)”

”I’m going to marry Shina Tsu!”

”Wake me up inside!”

You can catch YY every Friday on RSTV.
Seems like I got my hopes up for nothing, huh? Fun fact: there’s actually a danger/u/ website online. It might just be worse than its in-game counterpart.

dana%20peeved “You came in your uniform!”

Like I said before, what kinda Christmas celebration has a dress code?

new%20jill “…these ARE the nicest clothes I have with me.”

new%20jill “Besides, you and Gil are in your uniforms too.”

dana%20peeved “Well, I can’t really show up in casual clothing. I’m being monitored.”

new%20jill “What about the kilt you wore that one time?”

Are…are kilts casual clothing? They can’t be. Can they?

dana%20peeved “I’m still surprised that one didn’t break the dress code somehow.”

new%20jill “And you, Gil?”

dana%20peeved “You people depress me.”

Didn’t expect Dana of all characters to be relatable.

new%20jill “Ah, Alma’s here.”

alma%20embarrassed “You know, there was a time when people greeted others before saying stuff like that.”

dana%20regular “Come on, Jill. Treat her properly.”

new%20jill “Welcome to Valha-…wait.”

gil “AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!”

This is like calling your teacher mom, but worse, somehow.

alma%20smiling “Man, if that’s not a sign that you need to ease up on the work, I don’t know what is.”

new%20jill “Shut up. It’s become a reflex.”

new%20jill “Wait. Alma also came in her usual attire. Why aren’t you saying anything to her?”

dana%20regular “Ribbed sweaters get a free pass.”

new%20jill “Why?”

dana%20peeved “…”

Considering that both Alma and Dana are wearing some form of sweaters, I’m just going to assume this is someone’s fetish.

new%20jill “Silly question. Nevermind.”

gil “Jamie came earlier too. The dogs went with him to get some ice.”

Speaking of: is Jamie even a character? He looks like Adam Jensen and is Badass but…I don’t know anything about him.

new%20jill “Don’t we have ice?”

dana%20regular “Trying to take it out of the bartending station is a chore, so it’s better to buy some outside.”

new%20jill “Huh…”

new%20jill ”This conversation feels a lot like filler…”

new%20jill “What were you doing back there, Alma?”

alma “Setting up the food warmer.”

new%20jill “The what?”

I’m going to assume that means microwave.

dana%20regular “I bought it three days ago.”

dana%20regular “It’s amazing. It looks like just a set of wires, but you can create a frame with them.”

So it’s a needlessly complicated version of a microwave?

dana%20regular “Put the food inside it, press a button and watch as it warms the food up just like a microwave!”

alma “It’s an infomercial bauble, though. Really useful, but tricky to handle at the same time.”

So what you’re saying is that Dana got scammed like a chump.

alma%20embarrassed “One wrong move and we’ll be out of food for the night.”

alma%20embarrassed “Everything will be scorched in a second.”

new%20jill “Oh.”

new%20jill “So you’ve bought infomercial stuff too?”

People that aren’t grandmas buy that stuff?

alma “Haven’t you? It’s at the very least a good idea for gifts.”

new%20jill “Well…”

dorothy “DYNAMIC ENTRYYYY!!

Ah fuck.

:tw: You know the drill. :tw:

new%20jill “Finally, at least somebody came after me.”

The body AND the sense of humor of a 12-year old. The complete package!

new%20jillsigh

alma%20smiling “Oh, don’t be like that. She’s not saying it out of malice or anything. She just found it funny.”

new%20jill “You’re taking her side now?”

alma%20smiling “Jealous?”

new%20jill “You wish.”

dorothy%20flirty “You don’t need to fight for me.”

new%20jill “We’re not.”

Took the words right out of my mouth.

alma “I’ll go check the microwave wires thingy. I’m starting to get hungry.”

dana%20regular “Great idea.”

new%20jill “Oh…”

jamie “Ah, hello Jill.”

nacho “Soldier! You’re late!”

rad%20shiba “Hey J!”

alma “See? That’s how you greet people.”

new%20jill “You shut it!”

dorothy “…”

dorothy “I-I’ll go help Al…um…a.”

The dogs are honestly fairly annoying characters but they keep Dorothy away, so who can really tell if they’re good or not.

dorothy “I’ll go help sweater pups.”

jamie%20embarrassed “Something wrong?”

new%20jill “She’s not good with dogs.”

jamie “Oh.”

dana%20peeved “I know what I said. How’s the food doing?”

alma “It’s doing well, but it’ll take a bit.”

dana%20peeved “Can’t you speed it up?”

alma “I’ve used those microwave wire things before. It’s either ‘warm nicely but slowly’ or ‘burn that bitch’.”

dana%20regular “So, how long?”

alma ”About a year.”

alma “15 minutes or so. A bell will ring when the time comes.”

dana%20regular “We need to kill some time then.”

dana%20regular “Hm…”

I’d suggest Russian Roulette.

dana%20regular “Alright, let’s play Truth or Dare.”

The favorite game of teenagers all around the globe!

new%20jill “What?”

jamie “I’ll pass.”

I take it the writer realized there was barely a character there so he wisely opted out of including Jamie.

nacho “Games are for kids!”

rad%20shiba “I’m in!”

gil “Sure, I’ll play.”

dorothy “Sounds fun! Aslongasthatmuttstaysawayfromme.”

alma “That’ll make the time pass faster.”

new%20jill “I’ll pa-…”

dana%20peeved “You’ll play.”

What a good boss.

new%20jill “…”

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A philosophical question to chew on: If dogs have been granted humanlike intelligence and the capacity to speak, does that make fearing dogs a form of racism?

I say it does!

Because Dorothy sucks!

E: On reflection, I’ve revised my position. It’s a form of racism whether or not Dorothy sucks. But she’s racist so even if she didn’t suck, she still sucks.

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