“Alright, back to business.”
Well, that’s a fitting way to begin this update, considering our accidental short hiatus.
“Any luck?”
“I managed to give out some flyers, but most people were distracted by the dog.”
“I had to tell them to go to the Rad Shiba Bar to get their attention.”
“Oh.”
Once again, it is Her.
“The door opens, and the crowd goes wild when they see AAAAAAAAAAGH! DOOOOOOOOOG!”
“H-H-Honey…some help here.”
“Hey dog, I heard cats in the alley.”
Why, Jill, why.
“Wow. You really are bad with dogs, eh?”
“Did I make it too obvious?”
I’m pretty sure that Dorothy being as subtle as a sledgehammer is her defining character trait.
“Why though?”
“I don’t know.”
“Oh, hey John!”
“Hey.”
“I think it’s because I just got that trait at random.”
An in-depth look into the process of writing VA-11 HALL-A.
“When AIs are created, they’re given fears or tastes completely at random.”
“I just happened to get stuck with a fear of dogs and chinchillas.”
“Chinchillas are extinct, though.”
I mean, I used to have a fear of black holes when I was a kid, so it could be worse.
“Thank gods.”
“What will you have?”
“Well, it’s that time of the month, so I’ll have a Bleeding Jane.”
“Coming right…um…up.”
“”That time of the month”…do Lilim menstruate?”
My favorite thing about cyberpunk is that it deals with philosophical questions.
“Yes, oil.”
“No, silly. We don’t.”
“There are a few maintenance things we have to do every month, but those are a different story.”
“Then what time of the month is it?”
“The time when I feel like drinking a Bleeding Jane.”
“…”
“So, how’s business?”
“You’d be surprised by how many people get struck by holiday depression and need some Dorothy in their lives.”
The ideal amount of people that need Dorothy in their lives is zero.
“Although it’s also the season with the most competition.”
“I didn’t know you had competition.”
“Of course I do, both humans and Lilim. Half of them got a sexy Santa dress and that’s not fair!”
“They were sold out! I wanted one too!”
“But maybe it’s better that way.”
“How so?”
“The other girls like to dress in skimpy clothes and show off lots of skin. That scares off lots of people.”
“I learned that the best way to maintain regulars is to just dress normally.”
And as we all know, maid outfits are Extremely Regular.
“Really?”
“If I dress normally, they can just pretend I’m some acquaintance. No need to hide me until reaching the room.”
“Hell, some even invite me to a dinner or a movie before anything else.”
Do the devs not realize how creepy that would look to passers-by?
“Although I must say it’s a bit hard to get the clients in the first place. They can’t tell what I do at a glance.”
“And the first time they see me after a call they think I’m just making a prank or something.”
“Huh, I never saw it that way.”
“Which reminds me. Do you serve only humans or do you serve Lilim too?”
“Humans only, but I do have an “at least 40% organic” policy.”
“40%?”
“Human from the neck up. Dicks preferably organic, but I can make exceptions.”
“For females, I’m not so strict though.”
How the hell these people managed to do a crossover with a studio that explicitly focuses on LGBT content is beyond me.
“Hm…”
“Why? Do you know someone that might be interested?”
“No, just mere curiosity.”
“Well, your curiosity made me thirsty. Get me a Blue Fairy. A big one, would you?”
I’ve never seen A.I. but somehow I feel like it would probably be better than this game.
“Alright.”
“I wonder if anyone has seen fairies after a couple of these.”
Fun fact! Hallucinations are actually a symptom of delirium tremens.
“Some guy tested that by drinking as many as he could.”
“He thought he saw one, but he was dizzy and what he’d seen was his puke.”
“Oh.”
“You know, earlier today there was a Mega Christmas spirit around here.”
”And then you showed up.”
“What about it?”
(“That I’m realizing I made a fuss about serving drinks to someone underaged, but here I am.”)
“Nothing in particular, just a funny story.”
“I have a funny story myself. It’s the Mega Santa prank!”
“sigh The what?”
I don’t exactly know how to classify this, but I think pedophilia and sexual assault will do.
“Heh. It’s a prank I pull every year.”
“First, I pick a mall, wait for a day with lots of people.”
“Then I go to Santa’s lap, and when he asks what I want…”
“I say in the most innocent tone I can muster…”
“”I want you to make me a woman!””
Yeah, no. That’s not funny. Fuck you, Sukeban Games. Fuck you.
“Sometimes they try to cover it up. “The Lilim wants to be human!””
“It’s then when I say, “No. I. Want. You.””
“…”
“After that I say, “Well, at the very least I want a dildo, a big pink one. Or a very bumpy cucumber!””
“Sometimes I spice it up. Instead of cucumbers I ask for a pony and a crane to lift him.”
“I once thought about screaming, “Help! I’m being molested!””
“But I remembered it was a prank, I didn’t want to ruin the guys life.”
“How considerate.”
“Although I did get a client that way. He became a regular soon after.”
What.
“Huh.”
“But yeah, three years and they still don’t get that it’s always me.”
“Oh yeah, how old are you?”
“Old enough for anything you want.”
“Numbers. I need numbers.”
“Are you really asking a girl her age that way? Okay then, tell me your age first.”
“27.”
“No fair! You didn’t get fidgety or anything like that.”
“Fiiiine. I’ll tell you.”
“My model’s designed to look between 10 to 13 years old. But my last checkup said my mental age was 24.”
Can you tell that the devs watch a lot of garbage anime?
“How long since you’ve been deployed?”
“That’s a secret I’ll keep with me~”
“Fair enough.”
“I expected you to get all uncomfortable talking about your age though. Why didn’t you?”
Because that’s a normal reaction?
“With how dangerous everything’s been lately, every year you get matters.”
“Getting old isn’t a curse, it’s an achievement.”
“You should make a shirt with that. Because if you don’t, I will.”
“Feel free to do so.”
“Do you want anything else?”
“Let’s see…”
“Oh! A Cobalt Velvet. It’s been a while since I’ve tried one of those.”
“Alright.”
This drink has to be a Lynch reference, right?
“Yup, this is the one.”
“Do you like it?”
“I don’t dislike it. I guess I’m not mature enough for these drinks.”
“Hey, honey. What day’s today?”
“Wednesday.”
“No, the number. The number!”
“Number? 21.”
“Shouldn’t you know that?”
“I’m a Lilim, not a calendar.”
“I thought you would know that much.”
“Next you’re gonna tell me to make some convoluted calculation.”
We’re getting into some dangerous David Cage territory here.
“Y-You can’t?”
“I could if I put my mind to it, but it’s not something I have quick access to.”
“Yes, I have an inner calendar and a calculator, but those are used in lots of other operations every second.”
“I COULD do all that, but it’s a lot quicker to just ask you.”
“I see.”
“Why do you need the date though?”
Pay no mind to the television in the background. This definitely isn’t foreshadowing or connected to any characters that we might have previously met.
“Oh! But don’t worry, it’s nothing dangerous or anything like that, just…heavy.”
“Would you like some help?”
“Would you help me?”
“If you tell me what it is you need help with.”
“…maybe later. I have to go now.”
“Bye.”
“Do you think she really can’t access calendars and calculators that easily?”
“I guess it’s kinda like how even if a text processor can access the computer’s calendar, you don’t use it for that.”
“Why didn’t you tell her you missed her yesterday?”
“Forgot about it.”
Rad Shiba deserves a raise for almost making Dorothy leave, to be honest.
“Why not look again?”
And just who is this? Well, thanks to the delays and the length of this particular day, there’ll be a special update this Wednesday so we can sort of get back on track.