“I’m ba-…eh?”
“What would a kid like you know about that, eh?”
“I’m just giving you the facts as they are.”
“What happened while I was gone?”
“Detective guy comes in, Cat Boomer girl greets him. They start talking…”
“Everything was okay until the girl mentioned Zaibatsu Corp offhand.”
“After that, the guy got riled up and started badmouthing it.”
“Oddly enough, he was the only one. She just carried on like it was just a normal conversation.”
Ding ding ding, let’s give a warm welcome to the “I see” counter!
“When you get down to it, it has enhanced the quality of life here.”
“Yeah, if by enhanced, you mean getting yanked around by a shiny new chain around our necks.”
“Can’t you see that those big companies don’t care about us?”
I’d say it’s a bit more insidious than “not caring”, Art.
“Why do you think that Glitch City is mockingly called “the guinea pig of the world”?
“We’re just one big test group for them to use however they want!”
Ah, a libertarian paradise.
“But then again, I don’t expect a kid to understand how hard it was, let alone a rich kid.”
“True, I don’t know. And true, I have a privilege that clouds my judgement.”
That’s putting it lightly.
“But can you deny that the meddling of Zaibatsu Corp has brought quite a few benefits?”
“Like what?”
Looser labor laws, union crackdowns, increased child mortality…
“The AI Integration Program they started is making huge advances in the AI department.”
“Every day, more and more countries are seeing the benefits of recognizing AIs as citizens.”
“Yes, but we also hold the AI Reformation Program.”
“Meaning that we’re also the world’s Lilim prison.”
I assume that’s why we’re stuck with Dorothy?
“AI went rogue? Transfer it to a delivery drone or ship it to Glitch City.”
“That murderer is now delivering your pizza.”
Yum.
“Fair point. Although that program HAS proven to have reformed many AIs.”
Rehabilitation tends to work better than straight-up punishment, after all.
“They don’t brag about their 88% success rate for nothing.”
“Um…”
“The city also has a stronger economy?”
The…city that’s also in the midst of an economic crisis? Did the writers seriously get that lazy?
“Zaibatsu Corp’s success has made more and more companies bring their products here.”
“And the gap between classes continues to grow.”
That’s what tends to happen when the bourgeoisie is the ruling class, buddy.
“More companies just mean more people who will plant their feet on your face.”
“But it also means more products are being brought to the lower classes.”
“Stores have 20% more brand variety compared to last year.”
But you still won’t be able to afford any of them!
“Uh…”
“Zaibatsu Corp’s main Medical Research branch has also made lots of discoveries.”
“More and more illnesses, previously thought incurable, are being addressed every day.”
I’ll just use this point to inform the readers that Cuba, a socialist country, is one of the leading countries when it comes to healthcare and medicine.
“It’s amazing, for those who can afford them.”
“Meanwhile, down here we’re experiencing medicine shortages almost every month.”
“You have a point there.”
“Oh, but there are also more jobs. All of the companies coming down here need personnel.”
“So the unemployment rate has gone down by almost 40% this year.”
Once again, I thought that Glitch City was in the midst of an economic crisis?
“More jobs? Shut up.”
“Am I wrong?”
“Well, that’s…”
“…”
“Hey you! Don’t just sit there. Give me a Zen Star!”
“Sure.”
“God, this is awful.”
“It’s your order, though.”
This has been my internal monologue whilst making this LP.
“I seriously hope you don’t actually believe everything you just said.”
“Of course I do, why else would I say it?”
“You do bring up something I always fail to remember. All the benefits we’ve gained over time are limited to a few.”
“I can talk about advances all I want, but in the end, they’re still a luxury belonging only to a few.”
“And even those that can be accessed by everyone are more like an improvement in the bigger picture.”
“That doesn’t take away the fact that there have been positive changes.”
Or the fact that those changes could be greater under a just economic system?
“Credit where credit’s due, don’t you think?”
“That’s… a pretty mature answer.”
Y’know, game, you don’t have to emphasize how Smart you are.
“Discussions are a way for two parties to understand each other.”
“The only people afraid of discussion are the ones whose points are too fragile to defend against someone.”
Spoken like a debate club champion.
“Yeah, mature. Whatever.”
“I’m gonna take the chance to ask you about that job I gave you yesterday.”
“I haven’t been able to find much, but I can at least tell you that she wasn’t at the bank when it opened up.”
“What does that mean?”
“Either she left before the whole ordeal started…”
“…or she managed to escape at some point before the whole thing ended.”
“All the corpses are accounted for. They only found one totally disfigured, but witnesses identified it.”
“It wasn’t your friend, that much is for sure.”
“…I see.”
“Did you call him here?”
“No, he just so happened to come here today.”
Fun lore fact: Glitch City has a population of like, 20.
“The weird part is that the girl did enter the bank. It’s like she…vanished or something.”
“I see. Thanks, keep it up.”
“Your face brightened a bit.”
“Hope is the last thing you lose, I guess.”
“If he’s telling the truth, Sei might have found a way out.”
“She’s a resourceful girl. She surely did something.”
“I think I’ll have another drink. Do you want anything?”
“Me? Um…”
“Just get me whatever you order.”
“Two Bad Touches, please.”
“pfft On it.”
“I remember this one party I went to. The guy that came up with the name of this drink showed up.”
“After people found that one out, they lined up to slap him for whatever reason.”
People need to show some respect to the Bloodhound Gang, damn.
“They didn’t seem offended to me though.”
“Imagine a guy shows up and tells you “I made a classy Bad Touch”, wouldn’t you line up to slap him?”
It was a good song, okay.
“Um…are you okay, Jill?”
“I’m…f-f-fahahahahahaine…”
Jill agrees with me.
“Now that I think of it, did you find that girl you were looking for a week ago, Mr. Von Delay?”
“Turns out she was at the Apollo Trust Bank all this time. No wonder I couldn’t get in touch with her.”
Jeez, that bank is quite the popular place it seems.
“Girl?”
“Someone paid me to look for Crimson Rose and she happened to be at the…”
“Um…”
“What?”
“I’m trying to avoid mentioning that a dangerous assassin got stuck in the same bank as the girl you’re looking for.”
“Oh, don’t worry.”
“Besides, the last thing I’m worried about with Sei is people.”
“Why’s that?”
“Her attitude is usually so laid back and gentle that she has no problem getting people on her side.”
So she’s a shonen protagonist?
“And on the off-chance that she has to defend herself…well…”
“I once saw her take care of a warbot gone haywire by herself.”
“She did need medical care afterwards, but she recovered in no time AND managed to take care of the ‘bot.”
“Is she really that good?”
The problem with badass characters in a game like this is that you can only tell us why the character is badass, but you can’t really show it. See also: Dana Zane.
“She’s not only really physically fit, she’s also really good with Krav Maga and…”
Pfft, Krav Maga. What a joke.
“…”
“Something wrong?”
“No, nothing. I just realized I forgot about all that.”
“Sei’s not invincible, but she knows how to take care of herself.”
“And like I said, she’s resourceful. She surely found a way out.”
“sigh I just hope she’s well wherever the hell she is.”
“…she owes me an ice cream.”
As previously mentioned, those two are really, really gay.
“You want another drink, Mr. Von Delay? It’s on me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, order away.”
“Okay then. I’ll have a Piano Man.”
“And you, Ms. Stella?”
“I’m fine. Get his order.”
“So this is what drinking something classy without worrying about the price feels like.”
Welcome to the opulent lifestyle of the rich.
“Alright, I should get going. My contact will arrive at the rendezvous point soon.”
“I’ll let you know if I find out anything else, Ms. Hoshii.”
“Please do.”
“You’ve been generous today.”
“He made my night with his discoveries on Sei’s situation.”
“I’m not totally over it, but at least I got distracted for a bit.”
“Well, that’s it for me. Good night, Miss Hoshii.”
“Thanks again.”
“Please come again.”
“Why would I? It’s not like you’re asleep.”
“Thanks. This place is…soothing.”
What kind of games do you reckon they have at Valhalla?
“Alright then. That would be all, Dana.”
“Quite a mess, the situation with…um…Robert.”
“Right, right…”
“Oh! If it isn’t Miss Hoshii herself.”
My lore fact about Glitch City has been confirmed.
“Ah, Brian. Fancy meeting you here.”
“I didn’t expect to see you here of all places.”
“Are you busy? Mind catching up for a bit?”
“Sure, no problem.”
“Jill, we’ll be sitting over here.”
“Let me know if you need anything.”
“Will do.”
“…”
“Um…”
“This holophone is an old model, so hanging up is a bit laggy.”
Hey now, it has a download speed of at least 1200 baud.
“You can call me Cass by the way.”
“I-I’m Jill.”
“S-Say…you guys give a lot of liberties to my boss.”
“I mean, she gets away with too much stuff.”
I assume it’s because she could suplex them whenever she feels like it.
(“It finally hung up.”)
“Phew, it’s been quite the day.”
“At least the streets are calm today.”
“I have…wheeze arrived yet again at the cough oh god…at the majestic hall of heroes.”
“Calm until now.”
“You look winded, Virgilio.”
This is how I feel after climbing like, four flights of stairs, tbh.
“It’s pronounced Veer-HEE-rio.”
“No, I’m pretty sure it’s Virgilio. You said as much the last time you came.”
“Pronunciations are a silly thing society imposes on letters.”
“They want to be free! They want to be pronounced however they want.”
“…”
“You look winded, Virgilio.”
“We are all little toys winded by the cruel hand of fate.”
“Just stumbling until it decides not to wind us anymore.”
That’s a pretty fatalistic outlook on life.
“And yet, you’re the only one in the vicinity hyperventilating.”
“That’s um…I was jogging.”
“Dressed like that?”
“I can jog however I want.”
“Yes you can.”
“What can I get you?”
“Something fake.”
“Of course.”
This is actually his easiest order by far.
“And this is?”
“Totally-not-Beer.”
From the makers of I Can’t Believe It’s Not Butter.
“Ah, yes, just as fake as I want.”
“Say, Virgilio. Where do you work?”
“I take the noble duties of curator at the Steampunk Museum.”
…what.
“Really? What do you do?”
“I study everything that comes and keep it clean for the people that visit the premises.”
“But lately my duties have been hindered by the museum’s owner.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, he told me, “Stop touching the exhibits! You’re gonna break them.” The nerve of some people.”
“E-Eh?”
“He still fails to realize that I’M the curator there.”
“WIthout me, all those machines would be rustier than they already are.”
“…”
Me too, buddy.
“Even the visitors get that I’m the one responsible for those, why can’t the owner realize that too?!”
“…yeeeeeeah.”
“I bet he treats you like a janitor or something like that.”
“Exactly!”
“Okay then. Time for your next challenge, bartender.”
“Challenge, he says…”
“I want purity.”
“…”
While I fall for the trap of assuming that Virgilio here wants a Zen Star, it actually doesn’t matter at all what drink you give him.
“It’s a drink. It’s free from any human sin. It can do no harm consciously.”
Drinks confirmed free from Original Sin.
“Ah, yes…beautiful.”
“sigh”
“Hm?”
“Hey you, the guy over there.”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. Have we met before?”
Just what is the deal with Gil?
“Can’t remember. Maybe?”
“Yeah, I think…”
“…”
“…NONONONO. We haven’t met. Ever. At all.”
“That’s an interesting reaction.”
A normal reaction to realizing Gil exists.
“…”
“Be careful out there.”
“Thanks…huh?”
“Excuse me, have we met somewhere before?”
“That face…that eye…”
“What about my eye, punk?!”
“We haven’t met ever at all. Never, ever, ever ever.”
Forever ever, forever ever?
“Did you just scare off a client?”
Can I pay you to do that on a daily basis?
“Apparently.”
“Well. I’m off. Thanks for everything.”
“Yup, quite a few clients considering the whole situation.”
“So you two actually met before?”
“Yeah, you could say that.”
“What? What?”
“Gil stuff. Don’t mind it.”
“What were you talking about to Brian?”
“Well…”
“We were mostly catching up, to be honest.”
“I hadn’t seen him in a while. I offered him a drink when we met last week.”
“I talked a bit about what to do after the bar closes.”
“Oh! And I tried to…uh…explain the situation with…Robert here.”
“He agreed to help me out with that one when the time comes.”
It’s gonna involve an absurd amount of criminal activities, I assume.
“Ah.”
“Oh…”
“I was also tuning up the details for the new employee.”
“New employee?”
“A part-timer, you’ll meet him tomorrow.”
“Oh.”
“”Him”? So it’s a guy?”
“An adorable guy, if I do say so myself.”
“…”
(“…I suddenly have deja vu.”)
This will only really make sense if you’ve played the prologue, but I strongly advise against doing so.
“Are you alright, Jill?”
“Y-Yeah.”
(“It must be nothing.”)
In Valhalla, it is always something.
”I see” counter: 3
”…” counter: 9