Trying not to cut ourselves on that edge playing Dirge of Cerberus

What is Final Fantasy VII: Dirge of Cerberus?
It’s a cash grab by SquareEnix… No seriously. Put to go into it a bit further, Dirge of Cerberus is a Third-Person Shooter staring everyone’s favorite character C- ERRR Vincent Valentine! You know that completely optional character in the original Final Fantasy VII. (The good one) The guy that was seething CHARACTER and EMOTION. Yeah they decided to make a game about him which is about as good as you’d think.

Will this be 100%
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAHAAAAAA------- NO! Fuck you for even thinking that. This game is shite and honestly the effort I’ve put forth to get even SOME of the collectables is more than enough. Let’s not try to force me to get all the secret items and shit too. That’d be insane and I’d appreciate not doing that.

Wait did you say this is shit?
No I said it’s shite. Jesus Christ pay the fuck attention! But that being said there’s some things to enjoy about this game. There’s a chaining system which increases your damage the more kills you have and it’s a bit of a fun challenge trying to keep it going throughout. Also with some of it you can 2-3 shot some bosses.
Basically there’s a lot of mechanics in here that’s fun to exploit. Weak Points for massive damage, and combos to big damage. It has its fun times, but near the end it does drop off pretty horribly.

Spoiler Policy
Much like with most of the games I LP, please keep them in tags.



Omega Reports:


I actually liked this game when I played it, but i was like 14 I wounder if i’d like it if i were to replay it.

The game has its positives. There’s actually some enjoyable mechanics within that makes it more palatable.

Vincent wasn’t even this edgy in the original. He was just a sad man who really wanted a nap, and also turned into a Satan sometimes. Now he’s Shadow the Hedgehog.
The only thing I’ve ever seen from this game is the final boss, completely out of context. So I’ll be damned if I can guess where the story is going. Other than Vincent brooding, pretty sure there’ll be plenty of that.

Oh there’s parts of this story you’ll be like “What the fuck Vincent?” Because he seems like such a pushover in many ways. Maybe due to his utter detachment from everything, but it’s just really sad to see it. It’s mostly “GROW A FUCKING BACKBONE!” or “How can you be such a cool character but do absolutely nothing?”

:ocelot: New update :ocelot:

So, in this update we’re fighting our first boss! And it shows off one of the things I liked most about at least the beginning levels of Dirge of Cerberus. We’re not really going to see much of Vincent’s (lack of) personality for a few chapters. It’s all begrunden acceptance of the situation.

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:illuminati: Another Serious and Edgy Update :illuminati:

In this episode there’s lot of brooding and INTRIGUE or something.

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:siren: Update City :siren:

Alright! So fun things actually happen in this update. We get a sniper showdown and show that Vincent is really doing this to save the children. Also, we get the best weapon in the game. See if you can spot it. For this level I actually do enjoy it quite a bit. It’s cramped but also feels pretty open. Nothing really to complain much about the level design.

Okay, Heavy Armored Soldier is my new favorite character. In the game that is otherwise intensely edgy, the man who leaps down and flexes is basically the best dude.

Well, you my friend are in for a treat! Because I’m not ashamed to spoil this, they become normal enemies here shortly. There’s going to be a few bosses like that where they become normal mooks in the future.

:illuminati: Update Where everything that loves me gets hurt :illuminati:

This one is going to be a more cutscene heavy update. It goes into the “relationship” of Vincent and Lucrecia, if you can call it that. I want to say close to 15 minutes worth of cutscenes for this one update and trust me they get longer too! Not every update but there’s some that are like 20+ minutes.

Can I just take a moment to say how absolutely awful I find Shalua’s design to be? It sort of makes me wince every time she pops up. That said, I’m not overly fond of most of Tetsuya Normura’s character designs, particularly the women he’s designed, so take that with a grain of salt.

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:illuminati: It’s THAT place again :illuminati:

So we go back! Back to where it all started. The PS1! Errr I mean Nibble Ham! But first we have to go through the sewers because of-course we do. It really seems disjointed the places we go. I can’t even tell where the hell we are or have been because of how much we’ve been jumping around. I mean I know Nagging Hem is on the FF7 map, but everything else that isn’t a major area just seems to sort of exist in this game and not the actual established world.

And yeah Tiggy, I agree most of the female designs seem to be kind of shit. A real mishmash of things thrown together, but honestly I think that’s jusT Tetsuya Nomura’s MO because outside of a very few people they all seem to have that sort of design of “Because it looks cool.” Vincent for sure, but he seems to be the most consistent in the design tornado.

Going to Noble Helm without some sort of flashback beforehand? It’s unheard of! At least you get to play as Cait Sith, the very goofy doll controlled by a huge dork, in this very serious and edgy game.

Just wish Cait Sith was more than some half assed stealth mission though. It just kinda seemed out of place in some way. Maybe it’s me being a sour puss here but just… I don’t know you can see Cait kicking ass before hand! Why is it getting wrecked now?

It’s Monday! which means… Dirge of Cerberus Monday! It doesn’t rhyme but I don’t care

:illuminati: We should really mind our manners in this manor :illuminati:

Alright! We get our first taste of what OMEGA is supposed to be… IN TEXT FORMAT! Go us! Everyone’s favorite pastime is of-course reading logs. Maybe this is where it all began with FF13’s massive text/story dumps? Either way we gotta do it.

I do hope these are in order. I do believe so but you’re not missing much if they’re not.

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:illuminati: : Everything goes to hell :illuminati:

So we break out and get some real color to this game! There are greens! Not just Grays and browns. Otherwise there’s not much to say about this outside of the stupid bullshit it tries to throw at you. It always seems to be waves of enemies too! Sorry if this is short. I just got off of work and am super tired.

:illuminati: : The greatest sacrifice :illuminati: :

That’s right boys and girls! It’s time for Zybourne Clock! Errr I mean another episode of Deep Ground Strikes back. This one will be a bit shorter than the other videos today since I didn’t pace it out properly. But there’s more story and character development of our favorite 13 year old who is actually 23 years old but trapped in a 13 year old’s body. As well as her sister. It’s great! Absolutely exquisite. Best story of all time.

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:siren: EXPOSITION :siren:

Well today is a non-commentary update. It’s a whole lot of talking and exploring the NOT HIGHWIND! So instead of saying anything I’d let literally EVERYONE ELSE talk. It’s a fairly lengthy one too. There’s really not a whole heck of a lot. There’s going to be character development of Shelke and Vincent mostly. We do get to see all of our favorite though! Like Cid, Yuffie, and Cait Sith. I will say the ending cinematic of this video is pretty bad ass.