The Screaming About E3 2017 Experience: Mario's Magic Mind Control Hat


#1

Soon. There will be videogames.

Here are some of my HOT predictions for the three e’s:

  • Aisha Tyler wears embarrassing regalia on the Ubisoft Stage again while talking about Ezio Auditore’s cock
  • The real name for the Scorpio is revealed as the “Xbox Zero”
  • Nintendo announces they will retweet the toad by announcing Captain Toad Treasure Tracker 2: Revengance
  • Bethesda announces that Elder Scrolls Online is more popular than Battleborn which is probably true?
  • EA announces the long-awaited Skate 4.
  • Crackdown 3 is never coming out and we all know it.

Please share your exciting predictions and also after the press conferences start we can shout about death stranding

–WATCH THE THING—
The giant bomb one is always fun: https://giantbomb.com
But sometimes you gotta go no-commentary: https://www.twitch.tv/twitch


#2

Hot take: Devolver Digital will be the only good conference.


#3

Presenters will try to avoid talking about politics, but suggest that given how shitty everything is now, maybe you should play more video games?


#4

Call of Duty: WWII will do a gameplay reveal with a level set in one of the concentration camps, or else subtly hint about the existence of such a scene.


#5

Someone from Ubisoft will assure us that, someone, somewhere, is working on Beyond Good and Evil 2 and they can’t wait to show us something! But we do have to wait until they have something.


#6

At least one of the games Ubisoft shows off will feature gameplay footage with laughable teamspeak again.


#7

If there is a scene like this in the game, there will probably be a button prompt to Feel Emotions :tm:


#8

oh my god


#9

Someone will make a Half Life 3 joke.


#10

I don’t think Ubisoft have Aisha Tayler presenting this year. So my Hot Prediction is that EA will poach her.


#11

Now that the Rabbids/Mario crossover officially exists, we will probably have to suffer through a trailer for that in both EA’s conference and through the Nintendo Direct. There will be at least two other games that EA shows off that appear again in other conferences with the same trailer.

Nintendo will never retweet the Toad, and they’ll completely ignore Patrick’s Looney Tunes-esque plot to get them to retweet it live during the stream.


#12

Ubisoft will have a huge buildup , talking about coming back to a beloved series that has been neglected in the past, there will be character silhouettes that resemble a certain pig and tall woman, talks about an evil alien conspiracy and then…

Animorphs 2 for the 3ds :confused:


#13

That can only mean one thing…


#14

Giant Bomb’s EA Banner is on point, as usual


#15

This EA press conference is uh

its somethin alright


#16

A Way Out looks rad


#17

A Way Out was the only interesting thing, and I don’t have anyone to play it with and don’t trust random strangers on the internet for a game that demands cooperation.

I mean, I’m a Bioware apologist and so am very much looking forward to Anthem, but that teaser was absurdly short and uninformative.


#18

So now we’ll see whether Microsoft finally stumbles and breaks with Scorpio or grasps that final straw for all it’s worth. Less cynical part of me wish them good luck.


#19

“Xbox One X” might be the stupidest name for a game console ever.


#20

Well, that Ubisoft guy seems to agree, given how he had trouble pronouncing it.