Week 52: SLAMARAMA DINGDONG
Time for our 13th PPV. With this episode we’ll match our run of LPFWA’s third season. The final episode of which is a good one, which you can find here.
Anyway, on this PPV Spitbal learns the consequences of losing twice in a row. Can he subdue Maharaja to prove that it wasn’t due to his own shortcomings?
In our 7DP encounter we’ll have mostly new people and Dash Rendar challenging Anus McMutton. Harley and Apollo will continue their best of 9 (0-1 for Harley now), Steve Dirt and Kelsey have their promised Deathmatch…
The FOB challenge Team Skull for the Tag titles, Manic challenges for the Darkweight for the first time in a long time against Koji Kojinaka who impressed in his debut winning the title from Nero sin. Suzan and Black have their long awaited rematch and Ricc 2 Thicc aims to end Harmony’s reign with the Hellweight Title!
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Spitbal
A mostly decisive victory for Spitbal. Explosion-chan fans worldwide continue to be disappointed.
#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Cock Lightning vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Family Man vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dash Rendar vs. Anus McMutton ©
Anus is out first. Whether this harms his self-worth is to be seen but he did later appear at ringside during the oRa match so it can’t be that bad. However, what is bad is that DASH WON MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!
#3 Singles Match
Harley Havik vs. Apollo
The second match in their best of 9 series. Harley took the first, Apollo took this one. It was a very good match. If it wasn’t for a later one on the card this would be MOTN.
Scene: The Fun Gang just kinda chat when the Dashosphere appears out of nowhere challenging Vacation Skeleton due to some grudge no one seems to be aware of, except Dash.
#4 Tag Team Match
The Fun Gang (VS and DCB) vs. WUEESWC (Mina and Josef)
What a fun match featuring The Fun Gang. In classic Fun Gang fashion the match doesn’t end decisively but via count-out. Oof. They can be happy this wasn’t a title match again. Like the time they won the title match via DQ, which doesn’t earn the title. Classic.
#5 Landmine Deathmatch
Steve Dirt vs. Kelsey Slaughter
Short but sweet. Fairly normal till they go to the outside, then the blood flows and since it’s falls count anywhere it ends on the outside too. Kelsey wins via submission.
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Muscle Wizard vs. VACANT
Muscle Wizard went into this another VACANT challenger but left earning VACANT’s respect. While Muscle Wizard couldn’t win he got the first down and lasted over 19 minutes before losing by TKO
#7 Legion Tag Championships
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull ©
The FOB get another shot, however, the Team Skull Grunts prove once more that they, of all people, are the most successful tag team in OHPW. I falsely claimed they were sitting at one defense, as did their first reign. That was wrong, however. Their first reign was two defenses long. And their ongoing one would see its third successful defense against the FOB.
#8 Darkweight Championship
Manic Misanthrope vs. Koji Kojinaka ©
This match delivered. Easily my MOTN. Manic and Koji went back and forth. Trying to outsmart and outwrestle each other. After over 30 minutes Koji beat Manic via submission, earning him his first successful title defense in OHPW.
#9 Bunny Championship
Suzan Blades vs. Black ©
This was a long time in the making. Back during the tournament to crown the inaugural Hellweight Champion Suzan defeated Black with a Hijack Backbreaker in the semifinals. The odds going into this match, however, were in favor of Black who had a 54.70% chance of winning according to math (not Steinermath). But Suzan ended up winning again. After the Knightfall already failed she realized she couldn’t pin Black. So instead of going for her Knightfall Burning Hammer again she locked in a Torture Rack, submitting Black.
#10 Hellweight Championship
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Harmony Gray ©
Ricc entered undefeated but left with a single blemish on his record. Not for a lack of trying. We started out with Ricc countering all of Harmony’s moves again but as the match went on it got more even and eventually turned to the favor of Harmony who locked in the Arachnid’s Grip, making sure the final stretch of title matches would all end in Submission.