OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

Angus: Grace, win I want tae see yuir skills hen at thon ppv…me you say dinnae worry a couple of weebs cannae stop the firey tru bru!

In a bar somewhere, where the patrons are half drunk, half on fire

Mina%20Headshot%202 Awwwwww man 모두들 안녕? Mina’s back in the house with her pal Angus, and boy do we have a story for you.

Mina%20Headshot%202 Me and my boy Angus were out doing what we do best, drink bars out of business and then torching the place on our way out, when we got a call from our boy Palpy saying that we have a match coming up against the 1 1/2 Dragons. That’s most curious because I didn’t know they let posers have title matches in this company.

Mina%20Headshot%202 Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’ve got some real dragons fire inside you boys, but do you think your Breath of Fire can truly compete with mine? Because let me tell you, all the Dragonsfire in the universe can’t compete with the power of the Firestar.

Mina Points at her necklace

Mina%20Headshot%202 Yeah, that’s the real Fire Emblem right here. So you boys go ahead and bring all the Dragonsfire you want because at the end of the day, 1 1/2, 3, 9, 81, there’s not enough of it to compete with what’s in here.

Mina points to her necklace again

Mina%20Headshot%202 And what’s in there.

Mina jabs Angus in the belly

Mina%20Headshot%202 Yeeeeeaaaaah, 그것을 구울거야. I gotta pee, Angus, say something Scottish to these fools.

Angus snaps back into reality from his drink-

“you hae lost faith in people ‘n’ in yersel’. Ah hawp in mankind, ‘n’ ah ken that yer lunacy mist be stopped!”

-beat-

A dinnae ken muckle aboot this weeb jobby. Ah lea that tae mah bidie in ‘n’ instead ah bring th’ pain.

-he smashes a beer bottle-

C’moan then dragons a dinnae ken if yer lizards or nae bit a’m in th’ merkat fur a freish pair o’ bits

-he grabs the camera-

A’ hail th’ ora 66, viva th’ ora bugger brexit…fuck th’ sassenach ‘n’ especially bugger weebs wha aren’t mina…bring it oan

O flower o’ scotland,
when wull we see
your lik’ again,
that fought ‘n’ died for,
your wee bit hill ‘n’ glen,
and staun against him,
proud edward’s army,
and sent him homeward,
to think again.
The hills ur bare now,
and autumn leaves
lie thick ‘n’ still,
o’er land that is lost now,
which they sae dearly held,
that staun against him,
proud edward’s army,
and sent him homeward,
to think again.
Those days ur bygane now,
and in th’ past
they mist remain,
but we kin aye rise now,
and be th’ nation again,
that staun against him,
proud edward’s army,
and sent him homeward,
to think again.
The hills is bare nou,
an autumn leafs,
lies thick an still,
ower land that is tint nou,
that thae sae darlie held,
that stuid agin him,
prood edward’s airmie,
an sent him hamewart,
tae think again.
O flower o’ scotland,
when wull we see
your lik’ again,
that fought ‘n’ died for,
your wee bit hill ‘n’ glen,
and staun against him,
proud edward’s army,
and sent him homeward,
to think again.

Mina comes back from the bathroom clapping

Mina%20Headshot%202 Beautiful, you could put that on T-shirts. Aw man, you really got them by the Dragon Balls, just like I will when the match comes around.

Mina%20Headshot%202 Oh yeah, Harmony and Grace. I hope you guys win your match too. I got no problem facing those Nukeheads, who doesn’t like a little Nuclear fire after all. But Revenge, that’s a fire that burns deep.

Mina summons a fireball into her hands

Mina%20Headshot%202 And you know me, I love to play with fire.

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 King Skeleton © vs. The Ego for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Grace & Harmony vs. Fallout Boys
#3 Undeddie Guerrero vs. Mr. Shakedown
#4 N-T Punk vs. Malfest Goat-Monster
#5 Kayu Zakisaka vs. Maya Northwind © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 Cheesie Pietzza vs. Anna May vs. DCB vs. Doctor Mutant vs. Muscle Wizard
#7 1 1/2 Dragons vs. oRa 66 © for the Legion Tag Titles

OHPW - Week 11: Death to Capitalism (Twitch VOD)

This weekend at the usual time, at Doom’s Gate our third major show will take place!

More matches and every title is on the line. In addition to that Vacant-Slayer Hobo One Kevodki faces Kelsey Slaughter over a dispute about who’s the most hardcore, Pantha vs. Flamander will have a debate (with their fists) and VACANT will return to face somebody in his never-ending VACANT Open Challenge.

Here’s the entire card:

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
The Ego © vs. Harley Havik

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Super Samio vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. A Treasure Chest vs. The Great Maharaja vs. Black vs. HazMatt vs. Apollo vs. Vacation Skeleton ©

#3 Landmine Deathmatch
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Hobo One Kevodki

#4 Tornado Tag Team Match
Harmony & Grace vs. oRa 66

#5 OHPW Underworld Darkweight Championship
Fomore vs. Canada Alderman ©

#6 Singles Match
Pantha vs. Flamander

#7 OHPW Legion Tag Championships
Fallout Boys vs. 1 1/2 Dragons ©

#8 Bunny Championship :3
Muscle Wizard vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

#9 VACANT Open Challenge
Someone vs. VACANT

#10 OHPW Infernal Hellweight Championship
Mr. Shakedown vs. Suzan Blades ©

Suzan%20Headshot%202 Suzan Blades: Do you know what a soul dipped deep in thievery is worth? Nothing, for its worth is built upon the worth of other peoples souls.

Suzan%20Headshot%202 Suzan Blades: Mr. Shakedown, you steal the worth of other people merely because they dared walk the same streets as you. Horrible, such deviousness is not worthy of respect.

Suzan%20Headshot%202 Suzan Blades: However, you are a fine warrior and that does make you worth my time, but not my effort. And so, I will be lowering my power level in this match. I was already running at 1% but now I think I’ll be running .01%. Call it making a challenge for myself.

Suzan%20Headshot%202 Suzan Blades: But make no mistake Shakedown, even at .01% this will not be an easy fight for you. Because at Doom’s Gate, both of us will walk through, but only one of us will be coming back.

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 The Ego © vs. Harley Havik for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat Vacation Skeleton ©
#3 Kelsey Slaughter vs. Hobo One Kevodki
#4 Battle Sisters vs. oRa 66
#5 Fomore vs. Canada Alderman © for the Darkweight Title
#6 Pantha vs. Flamander
#7 Fallout Boys vs. 1 1/2 Dragons © for the Legion Tag Titles
#8 Muscle Wizard vs. Kayu Zakisaka © for the Bunny Title :3
#9 VACANT Open Challenge
#10 Mr. Shakedown vs. Suzan Blades © for the Hellweight Title

OHPW - Week 12: AT DOOM’S GATE (Twitch VOD)

All right! Here we are again. The show will be in the usual place, at the usual time

Flamander’s big mouth as well as the inability to back it up in the ring has caught up with him as he’s forced to compete in the Jabroni Royale. Angus has his first singles match since his loss to Suzan two months ago, The Dash Rendars face an unknown foe and Wizards Not Allowed get another chance at earning the Legion Tag Titles in a match against the reigning champions, 1 1/2 Dragons.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
The Ego © vs. Flamander

#2 Singles Match
Angus McMutton vs. Undeddie Guerrero

#3 Tag Team Match
The Dash Rendars vs Team Skull

#4 Four-Way
Palpatine vs. Inspector Jane vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. Cocademon

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Firestar vs. Muscle Wizard ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Somebody vs. VACANT

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Wizards Not Allowed vs. 1 1/2 Dragons

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 The Ego © vs. Flamander for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Angus McMutton vs. Undeddie Guerrero
#3 The Dash Rendars vs. Team Skull
#4 Palpatine vs. Inspector Jane vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. Cocademon
#5 Firestar vs. Muscle Wizard © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT OPEN CHALLENGE
#7 Wizards Not Allowed vs. 1 1/2 Dragons © for the Legion Tag Titles

Week 13: Jabroni Soldier (Twitch VOD)

Okay everyone! Time again to have a show this saturday in its usual time slot

Robutt has to defend not being the Jabroni. Grasshead Apollo is up against fellow grasshead Weeb Weaver, although they are very different grass. Flamander demanded to face someone big and bad last week, so he’s up against King Skeleton. Manic gets a kind of overdue shot at the Bunny Title :3 while Vacation Skeleton is ready to defend the Seven Deadly Pins for the second time, but honestly, the 7DP match has never been this stacked so it’s gonna be a doozy.

Here’s the full card:

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
The Ego vs. Nawt A Robutt

#2 Singles Match
Apollo vs. Weeb Weaver

#3 Tag Team Match
Space Wizards vs. Lawful Good

#4 Singles Match
Flamander vs. King Skeleton

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Manic Misanthrope vs. Muscle Wizard

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Someone vs. VACANT

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Rosette vs. Ryu vs. Dr. Mutant vs. Firestar vs. Anna May vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Vacation Skeleton ©

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 The Ego © vs. Nawt a Robutt for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Apollo vs. Weeb Weaver
#3 Space Wizards vs. Lawful Good
#4 Flamander vs. King Skeleton
#5 Manic Misanthrope vs. Muscle Wizard © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal feat. Vacation Skeleton ©

OHPW - Week 14: Supreme (Twitch VOD)

Week 15: Go-Home Skeleton
Saturday, May 4th - 23:00 GMT+2

We’re getting closer to the PPV, in fact, this is our Go-Home show.
Flamander challenged IGgy to get retribution for what he believes to be IGgy messing with him, rather than a genuine misunderstanding that could happen to everybody when he gave Flammo King Skeleton as an opponent rather than his chosen opponent Black. IGgy, however, got a bit tricky with that one, making it a tag match.

Pantha and Hobo face off in a No. 1 Contender Match for the Hellweight Title and N-T Punk makes his glorious return after not being seen for a while after his match against Malfest Goat-Monster. Harley gets a shot at Manic’s Bunny Title :3 and Kelsey challenges Fomore for their Darkweight Title. Also: The Vacant Open Challenge is back.

Here’s the full match card:

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
The Ego © vs. Cocademon

Press Interview with Frederick Hope

#2 Trios Tag Team Match
Flamander, Super Samio and Mimic vs. IGgy and Pineapple Pizza

#3 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Pantha vs. Hobo One Kevodki

#4 Five-Way (First Fall)
N-T Punk vs. Maya Northwind vs. Great Maharaja vs. Grace Thoruson vs. Rick Wreckage.

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Harley Havik vs. Manic Misanthrope

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Somebody vs. VACANT

#7 Darkweight Championship
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Fomore ©

The Camera flicks on to reveal Kelsey stomping her way out of Shoot Hospital

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: Goddamned Docs, refusing to discharge me on a account of being blown up multiple times. IF IT CAN BE FIXED WITH SOME STAPLES AND DUCT TAPE IT WAS NEVER A PROBLEM IN THE FIRST PLACE WAS IT!!!

Shaking her head she turns to the camera

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: So, Hobo, looks like we didn’t get a chance to settle matters. But it seems you didn’t get out of the hospital until just now too it seems. And youse got a match this week as well. Youse getting off lucky, we’ll have to settle things some other time, cause right now I’ve got some business to take care of too.

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: Fomore, I saw your documentary show while I was in the Hospital, sad stuff, if you want to make your boss acknowledge youse, youse gots to beat it into him. That’s how I became Princess Slaughter, by beating the piss outta my dad King Roddy. Don’t worry, youse will have plenty of time to think on this after I beats ur ass and takes ur title.

At this exact moment a time portal rips open and Paulie jumps out of it with Robbie D over his shoulder

Paulie Paulie: Hey’s sis!

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: Hey’s Paulie, how was the multiverse?

Paulie Paulie: Pretty shit, apparently some Demon and a Street Fighter brokes da timeline by winning the same belt.

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: Cool, Robbie get your ass over here and work this camera.

Robbie%20D Robbie D:

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: Robbie!

Robbie%20D Robbie D: Huh, what? Paulie drops Robbie on the ground

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: There see, back on your feet from whatever.

Robbie%20D Robbie D: No Mista Picasso I didn’t make a mess of ur paintings.

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: What?

Robbie%20D Robbie D: Huh? Oh hey Kels, did youse win ur match against dat Hobo?

Kelsey%20Face Kelsey: SHUT UP ROBBIE!!!

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 The Ego © vs. Cocademon for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Team Flamander vs. Team IGgy
#3 Pantha vs. Hobo One Kevodki
#4 Punk vs. Maya vs. Maharaja vs. Grace vs. Rick Wreckage
#5 Harley Havik vs. Manic Misanthrope © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Kelsey Slaughter vs. Fomore © for the Darkweight Title