Week 76: DEVIL TRIGGER
Yo, here’s a hype package for the show.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Been a long time since we had DCB in the Jabroni… takes me back…
Plumeria (“c”) vs. DivineCoffeeBinge
Oh, wow! Bringing it down to the wire, the explosion timer is reaching its mark at 15:00 Minutes! Plumeria Pins! 1… 2… BOOOOM! Hahahaha! Robbing Plumeria of escaping the Jabroni.
Scene: Crew just kinda interview Freddie about the Young Devils, he tells them where they went to wrestle on their excursions. He is also asked about Flamander transforming and he says he’s sure he’ll do it. Freddie, at this point, appears removed from the rivalry with his former friend.
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Goat-Monster is notoriously unstoppable, but can he stop seven others? Mr. Shakedown, the brothers, an Anime, a wizard… uh… Bloodi Boi and a goddamn Robot? Damn, our Roster is weird.
Zoltan vs. Anna May vs. Cock Lightning vs. Cock Thunder vs. Nawt a Robutt vs. Steve Dirt vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Malfest Goat-Monster (c)
Y’know? In every Seven Deadly Pins match there is someone who cleans house. That person usually does not win the match. However, Anna May cleaned house and then also wins to become the new deadliest pinner.
#3 Singles Match
Though, not a sanctioned Title, Family Man’s Cursed Pokeymanz Title is, as always, unofficially on the line.
Family Man vs. Pig Destroyer
Family Man holds on for his dear life here but eventually Pig Destroyers high impact offense just pushes Family Man over his limit and he stays down for the three-count.
#4 Legion Tag Titles
If anyone can stop WNA’s reign of anticlimatic finishes it’s the SoS
Wizards Not Allowed vs. School of Slam (c)
SoS controlled most of the match. With Bigdawgs Clenched Fist and 1001 Arabian Nights it was only a question of time till they won, or WNA snuck one in. In this case, Sadim hit 1001 Arabian Nights near his own corner, giving Muscle Wizard plenty of time to go out and defend pinfall attempt following the move and SoS retain.
#5 Four Way (First Fall)
Maya Northwind vs. Palpatine vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5
The second of two matches not directly advertised in the hype package for the show. A Four-Way. Maya has proven time and time again that she thrives in this kind of environment and today was no exception. She submits Koji for the win.
#6 Landmine Deathmatch
Harmony wants to cross it off the bucket list, bot want a Fight to Remember
Harmony Gray vs. Suzan Blades
Possibly the toughest one to call of the night. Harmony realized that in order to beat someone like Suzan she can’t let off, ever. So she was relentless. Using the Arachnid’s Grip multiple times. But Suzan’s willpower was stronger and after she finally hit Knightfall Harmony could not get up again before the three-count.
#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Spitbal sure showed an unexpected side of him in the lead-up to this. Will he get his comeuppance?
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Spitbal (c)
For some time, this match went exactly like their last encounter, Spitbal controlled the pace with his raw power. Kayu tries to counter with her agility but is caught more often than not. But with the count-outs removed from the equation she can hold out for long enough to tire Spitbal out a bit and mount a comeback. Although she also had earned the Seven Deadly Pins twice since it took her 308 days after she managed to rid herself of the Jabroni Royale she finally wins a singles title again. The other time being the Bunny Title which she held before her Jabroni run.
#8 Falls Count Anywhere
No one expected Bob Sapp to show up. Let alone for him to demand Flamander at full power
Majin Bob Sapp vs. Hellranger Flamander
This match takes wrestling to it’s logical extreme of being a live action anime. Majin Bob Sapp’s got some big impact moves. Throwing Flamander around, hitting him real hard. But Flamander is here in his evil Power Ranger form. Normally people are faster to use the Power Ranger chant, guess they were too scared. While Sapp uses his finisher, The Ultrabeastbackbreaker multiple times and even goes beyond with some Dragon Ball shit, Flamander never once used The Snake. Flamander still defeats Bob Sapp, but he had to whip out some anime bullshit where he spears Sapp three times in the air and then drives him down headfirst from high above the ring and pins him.
Scene: Bob Sapp goes backstage, to the interview area and speaks into the camera. Commends Flamander for unlocking his true potential. In the process he collapses like… three times. Even though he insists he can still walk. Dude can’t even stand anymore. (Fun Fact: The same scene would have played if Sapp had won. I’m glad this scene didn’t have to live up to a match where the winner can’t stand anymore)
#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Unlikely and yet deserving, Kelsey challenges Grace Thoruson for the Big One
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Grace Thoruson (c)
It’s funny to me that the main event of the show is its shortest match. And you can’t even say it was one sided. They both fought. But as soon as Grace locked in that move she keeps winning with it was over.
