OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

[IGgy]

Week 75: Broken - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 75: Broken

Due to social obligations this show will take place at a different time than usual.
It will start on Sunday and two hours earlier than our regular showtime.

Our next PPV - Devil Trigger - is getting near things are heating up

In addition to our matches:
The controversy surrounding last week’s Main Event will be addressed
Suzan Blades has the opportunity to answer her challenge
Although he’s not scheduled to appear we sincerely believe Dash Rendar will be sad off screen.
Rumors have it that a demon-infused mystery challenger will appear to demand a match from one of our finest.

Scene: Last week after the Main Event IGgy decided that at DEVIL TRIGGER we’d have Kayu vs. Spitbal and, as much as it pains him, Vacation Skeleton vs. Dash Rendar.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
If you tap to a neck submission despite not having a neck… well, you end up here.
Plumeria (“c”) vs. Mimic

Plumeria actually went for pins this time but neither Mimic nor she could get a win before Explosion-chan unleashed her wrath

#2 Singles Match
Someone who uses a Burning Hammer as mid-match move vs. the gal who calls the One-Winged Angel a transitional move.
Skullistair vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

We were promised a business killing match and yet none of that happened. I think they both agreed before the match to not give us what we want or something because this is uncharacteristic for both of them.

Scene: Suzan enters the ring but keeps it short: She accepts Harmony’s challenge and wants it to be a Landmine Deathmatch.

#3 Singles Match
Angus didn’t do too bad lately. Let’s see what he can do when he wrestles a bear!
An(g)us McMutton vs. Great Maharaja

Angus successfully wrestled a bear. Not just that, he brought back the Tru Bru. Like, the real one. Not this phoney triple headbutt shit, but the one single fierce headbutt. And he won with it.

#4 Legion Tag No. 1 Contender Match
WNA’s Chance to show the Union What for! Let’s see if Mina meshes as well with Josef as she does with Angus, cause she has to.
Wizards Not Allowed vs. The Union (Mina & Josef)

Despite their balls being completely obliterated Wizards Not Allowed managed to somehow get the win over The Union

Scene: What the? Majin Bob Sapp enters the stage and demands a match with someone who has similar power than him… it is Flamdner who’s only shown his demonic side twice in OHPW, once against long-time rival Freddie Hope and once against… himelf, yeah. Though, Sapp challenged him in a unique way: A Punch that threw Flamander across the ring, so maybe he’ll actually unleash his beast.

#5 Singles Match
I wonder if Harley challenged Maya to a duel, as she is want to do.
Harley Havik vs. Maya Northwind

Welcome Back to Harley does Knee Strikes and Maya does a balance of grounded and flippy shit. It’s a slight surprise that Harley took it, given Maya’s recent success (compared to Harley’s lack thereof)

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
A few weeks ago I would have never thought that these two would be in a position to get a Hellweight title shot any time soon, but here we are.
Kelsey Slaughter vs. EGO

What a shit show. They go to the outside and it’s a double count-out. But no! A No. 1 Contender match needs a winner we can’t have Grace face no-one next week! So we restart the match, and although both are already exhausted from the first half of their match they still go for a fair bit. Kelsey can take away the win with a Calf Crusher she refuses to release after the match. Cos fuck EGO’s legs.

Scene: Vacation Skeleton’s Grandma has died and they have to stay in a haunted mansion next week. Oh no! This means the Vacation Skeleton vs. Dash match can’t happen! Again!

#7 Legion Tag Championships
The FOB’s impressive victory two weeks ago entitles them to take on SoS for the Legion Tag belts.
Fallout Boys vs. School of Slam ©

Oh boy! Oh yes! This is what I wanted. Actually no, not really. I mean kind of, but yeah. Unfortunately Count-Out finished happen a lot lately and this is the second time the challengers of the Tag Titles win their match via… Count-Out, which means no Title Change. On one hand this means the IGgy-lineage gets another split from the main lineage on the other this sucks. But hey, the FOB are now Two-time unofficial Tag champs! I’ll probably suspend count-outs for the time being.

[IGgy]

Week 76: DEVIL TRIGGER

Video Package

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Been a long time since we had DCB in the Jabroni… takes me back…
Plumeria (“c”) vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Goat-Monster is notoriously unstoppable, but can he stop seven others? Mr. Shakedown, the brothers, an Anime, a wizard… uh… Bloodi Boi and a goddamn Robot? Damn, our Roster is weird.
Zoltan vs. Anna May vs. Cock Lightning vs. Cock Thunder vs. Nawt a Robutt vs. Steve Dirt vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Malfest Goat-Monster ©

#3 Singles Match
Though, not a sanctioned Title, Family Man’s Cursed Pokeymanz Title is, as always, unofficially on the line.
Family Man vs. Pig Destroyer

#4 Legion Tag Titles
If anyone can stop WNA’s reign of anticlimatic finishes it’s the SoS
Wizards Not Allowed vs. School of Slam ©

#5 Four Way (First Fall)
Maya Northwind vs. Palpatine vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5

#6 Landmine Deathmatch
Harmony wants to cross it off the bucket list, bot want a Fight to Remember
Harmony Gray vs. Suzan Blades

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Spitbal sure showed an unexpected side of him in the lead-up to this. Will he get his comeuppance?
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Spitbal ©

#8 Falls Count Anywhere
No one expected Bob Sapp to show up. Let alone for him to demand Flamander at full power
Majin Bob Sapp vs. Hellranger Flamander

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Unlikely and yet deserving, Kelsey challenges Grace Thoruson for the Big One
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Grace Thoruson ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Plumeria (“c”) vs. DivineCoffeeBinge for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Malfest Goat-Monster
#3 Family Man vs. Pig Destroyer
#4 Wizards Not Allowed vs. School of Slam © for the Legion Tag Titles
#5 Maya Northwind vs. Palpatine vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5
#6 Harmony Gray vs. Suzan Blades
#7 Kayu Zakisaka vs. Spitbal © for the Darkweight Title
#8 Majin Bob Sapp vs. Hellranger Flamander
#9 Kelsey Slaughter vs. Grace Thoruson © for teh Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 76: DEVIL TRIGGER - (Twitch VOD)

I hate when the obvious episode gif would be a spoiler so I have to find something funny instead…

@Match Card and Results

Week 76: DEVIL TRIGGER

Yo, here’s a hype package for the show.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Been a long time since we had DCB in the Jabroni… takes me back…
Plumeria (“c”) vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

Oh, wow! Bringing it down to the wire, the explosion timer is reaching its mark at 15:00 Minutes! Plumeria Pins! 1… 2… BOOOOM! Hahahaha! Robbing Plumeria of escaping the Jabroni.

Scene: Crew just kinda interview Freddie about the Young Devils, he tells them where they went to wrestle on their excursions. He is also asked about Flamander transforming and he says he’s sure he’ll do it. Freddie, at this point, appears removed from the rivalry with his former friend.

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Goat-Monster is notoriously unstoppable, but can he stop seven others? Mr. Shakedown, the brothers, an Anime, a wizard… uh… Bloodi Boi and a goddamn Robot? Damn, our Roster is weird.
Zoltan vs. Anna May vs. Cock Lightning vs. Cock Thunder vs. Nawt a Robutt vs. Steve Dirt vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Malfest Goat-Monster ©

Y’know? In every Seven Deadly Pins match there is someone who cleans house. That person usually does not win the match. However, Anna May cleaned house and then also wins to become the new deadliest pinner.

#3 Singles Match
Though, not a sanctioned Title, Family Man’s Cursed Pokeymanz Title is, as always, unofficially on the line.
Family Man vs. Pig Destroyer

Family Man holds on for his dear life here but eventually Pig Destroyers high impact offense just pushes Family Man over his limit and he stays down for the three-count.

#4 Legion Tag Titles
If anyone can stop WNA’s reign of anticlimatic finishes it’s the SoS
Wizards Not Allowed vs. School of Slam ©

SoS controlled most of the match. With Bigdawgs Clenched Fist and 1001 Arabian Nights it was only a question of time till they won, or WNA snuck one in. In this case, Sadim hit 1001 Arabian Nights near his own corner, giving Muscle Wizard plenty of time to go out and defend pinfall attempt following the move and SoS retain.

#5 Four Way (First Fall)
Maya Northwind vs. Palpatine vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5

The second of two matches not directly advertised in the hype package for the show. A Four-Way. Maya has proven time and time again that she thrives in this kind of environment and today was no exception. She submits Koji for the win.

#6 Landmine Deathmatch
Harmony wants to cross it off the bucket list, bot want a Fight to Remember
Harmony Gray vs. Suzan Blades

Possibly the toughest one to call of the night. Harmony realized that in order to beat someone like Suzan she can’t let off, ever. So she was relentless. Using the Arachnid’s Grip multiple times. But Suzan’s willpower was stronger and after she finally hit Knightfall Harmony could not get up again before the three-count.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Spitbal sure showed an unexpected side of him in the lead-up to this. Will he get his comeuppance?
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Spitbal ©

For some time, this match went exactly like their last encounter, Spitbal controlled the pace with his raw power. Kayu tries to counter with her agility but is caught more often than not. But with the count-outs removed from the equation she can hold out for long enough to tire Spitbal out a bit and mount a comeback. Although she also had earned the Seven Deadly Pins twice since it took her 308 days after she managed to rid herself of the Jabroni Royale she finally wins a singles title again. The other time being the Bunny Title which she held before her Jabroni run.

#8 Falls Count Anywhere
No one expected Bob Sapp to show up. Let alone for him to demand Flamander at full power
Majin Bob Sapp vs. Hellranger Flamander

This match takes wrestling to it’s logical extreme of being a live action anime. Majin Bob Sapp’s got some big impact moves. Throwing Flamander around, hitting him real hard. But Flamander is here in his evil Power Ranger form. Normally people are faster to use the Power Ranger chant, guess they were too scared. While Sapp uses his finisher, The Ultrabeastbackbreaker multiple times and even goes beyond with some Dragon Ball shit, Flamander never once used The Snake. Flamander still defeats Bob Sapp, but he had to whip out some anime bullshit where he spears Sapp three times in the air and then drives him down headfirst from high above the ring and pins him.

Scene: Bob Sapp goes backstage, to the interview area and speaks into the camera. Commends Flamander for unlocking his true potential. In the process he collapses like… three times. Even though he insists he can still walk. Dude can’t even stand anymore. (Fun Fact: The same scene would have played if Sapp had won. I’m glad this scene didn’t have to live up to a match where the winner can’t stand anymore)

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Unlikely and yet deserving, Kelsey challenges Grace Thoruson for the Big One
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Grace Thoruson ©

It’s funny to me that the main event of the show is its shortest match. And you can’t even say it was one sided. They both fought. But as soon as Grace locked in that move she keeps winning with it was over.

[IGgy]

Week 77: Lucky
Ah okay, but this should be our new “Normal” time. An hour earlier than or previous normal time.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Thunder doesn’t deserve this, probably. But at this point, neither does Plumeria.
Plumeria (“c” vs. Cock Thunder

#2 Singles Match
Sounds like a wholesome match. Dunno who El Hijo Del Quackenduckboy is, though.
Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.

#3 Singles Match
Who’s that newbie? Isabel isn’t exactly a name that strikes fear into the massive human that is Suman
Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra

#4 Tag Team Match
Well, gee, the unofficial Tag champs vs. the longest reigning official ones.
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts

#5 Singles Match
I don’t wanna say it because that’ll make it not happen, but this’ll probably be good.
Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons

#6 Singles Match
The long awaited match of Vacation Skeleton! Oh, Pantha our former champ is here too, I guess.
Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton

#7 Darkweight Championship
Maya has been on an upswing as of late, but can she halt Kayu’s Momentum?
Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Plumeria (“c”) vs. Cock Thunder for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.
#3 Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra
#4 Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts
#5 Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons
#6 Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton
#7 Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka © for the Darkweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 77: Lucky - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 77: Lucky
Ah okay, but this should be our new “Normal” time. An hour earlier than or previous normal time.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Thunder doesn’t deserve this, probably. But at this point, neither does Plumeria.
Plumeria (“c”) vs. Cock Thunder

Woah, Plumeria is pulling out a chair. VAN DAMINATOR! And oh, follows with a Pilmanizer? What the? TOXIC RANA! Thunder doesn’t care, Thunder just keeps on Thunderin’ but he’s been bleeding from the start of the match, eventually he just can’t get back up before the ref’s hand hits the mat for a third time and Plumeria is a Jabroni no more! Loser AND NEW Jabroni Royale, Cock Thunder!

#2 Singles Match
Sounds like a wholesome match. Dunno who El Hijo Del Quackenduckboy is, though.
Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.

The hell is this? A giant duck baby!

#3 Singles Match
Who’s that newbie? Isabel isn’t exactly a name that strikes fear into the massive human that is Suman
Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra

Ah, right let’s all mark the spot on our Bingo sheet that says “Undercard Match that’s way better than the Main Event.” Suman attempted to win using his size alone not knowing that Isabel really doesn’t care and just pulls off incredible feats of strength, mainly to make a point. I like Isabel, she kills the business. And wins by submission.

Scene: Dash Rendar continues to be an enormous idiot. Get a load of this guy! This can’t end poorly for IGgy at all who puts himself between Vacation Skeleton and Dash this time. So I guess IGgy is also an enormous idiot.

#4 Tag Team Match
Well, gee, the unofficial Tag champs vs. the longest reigning official ones.
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts

Both teams fought well until Matt decided he wanted to win… and won. Just continued lockin in the Containment Unit on both Grunts until one of them couldn’t take it anymore.

#5 Singles Match
I don’t wanna say it because that’ll make it not happen, but this’ll probably be good.
Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons

Seemingly evenly matched but Lea seems to have watched Kelsey vs. Suzan a few weeks back and just kept trying for her finishing move, the Make-A-Wish and was successful.

#6 Singles Match
The long awaited match of Vacation Skeleton! Oh, Pantha our former champ is here too, I guess.
Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton

BIG upset victory! Pantha wins… oh wait… uh… Pantha was the favorite here, she’s the former champ after all. But hey, Vacation Skeleton got all his shit in and then lost so that’s cool too. Go Vacation Skeleton!

#7 Darkweight Championship
Maya has been on an upswing as of late, but can she halt Kayu’s Momentum?
Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

If you expect a hard hitting hard fought match between these two then you wouldn’t be wrong. But this burned only briefly but was very bright. Kayu surprised with a Cartwheel Poison Rana, and though Maya kicked out that brutal hit to the head is probably what made it possible for Kayu to follow ith the Magical Mahou Splash for the win shortly after.

[IGgy]

Week 78: Book me, coward!

I’ve been talking about “normal timeslots” a lot the last few weeks. But this is the new normal. Get used to it. Or don’t I’m not your boss. I may start PPVs an hour early from now to avoid them running until way past midnight. Anyway, here’s a match card.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Believe it or not, this is actually a rematch from their Hell’s Gate days
Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS

#2 Singles Match
Florida Man wrestles dead body, gets a couple good hits in.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man

#3 Singles Match
Lots of “David vs. Goliath” match-ups lately, but whatchoo gonna do?
Super Samio vs. Midas

#4 Tag Team Match
It’s been 25 weeks since the Skull Bosses tagged. TWENTY-FIVE
Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses

#5 Singles Match
Little did Pig Destroyer know, Angus wears a lamb mask for big matches, not a pig one.
Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton

#6 Singles Match
As long as Pantha doesn’t do a Neck Crank Rick stands a chance.
Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Seven Deadly Pins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell… and their trip begins.
Agnes Paragon vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. EGO vs. Fomore vs. Boob Marley vs. Ryu vs. Anna May ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man
#3 Super Samio vs. Midas
#4 Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses
#5 Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton
#6 Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Anna May ©

[IGgy]

Week 78: Thanks for not killing me - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 78: Book me, coward!

I’ve been talking about “normal timeslots” a lot the last few weeks. But this is the new normal. Get used to it. Or don’t I’m not your boss. I may start PPVs an hour early from now to avoid them running until way past midnight. Anyway, here’s a match card.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Believe it or not, this is actually a rematch from their Hell’s Gate days
Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS

Neither of those two truly deserve to be here and they fought hard. But it turns out Thunder doing his signature suplex onto a freaking toaster would actually win him the match.

Scene: Flamander just kinda answered questions while lying there on the locker room bench. Talking about his transformation against Bob Sapp and how Bob nearly died.

#2 Singles Match
Florida Man wrestles dead body, gets a couple good hits in.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man

Undeddie showing his technical prowess early on only to be out-violenced by Florida Man, Undeddie still prevailed by winning via submission in the end.

#3 Singles Match
Lots of “David vs. Goliath” match-ups lately, but whatchoo gonna do?
Super Samio vs. Midas

Samio shows why she’s super but everything Midas touches turns into gold somehow and he still wins.

#4 Tag Team Match
It’s been 25 weeks since the Skull Bosses tagged. TWENTY-FIVE
Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses

Although they haven’t tagged in a while the Team Skull Bosses show that not only haven’t they missed a beat but they are back stronger than before. Still, they couldn’t beat RBF. That Canadian Backbreaker from Sgt. Sprinkles just was a tad too much for Guzma to handle before Plumeria could come for the rescue.

#5 Singles Match
Little did Pig Destroyer know, Angus wears a lamb mask for big matches, not a pig one.
Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton

Slamfest. Tru Bru! Oh no it’s the Tru Bru again! Pig Destroyer! Pig Destroyer II! Pig Destroyer again! Tru Bru! No! Ushigoroshi! That’s it finally! Angus wins!

#6 Singles Match
As long as Pantha doesn’t do a Neck Crank Rick stands a chance.
Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha

Pantha finishes Rick in short order, but not for a lack of trying on part of Rick. It just shows why Pantha is still the longest reigning Hellweight champ as of right now.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Seven Deadly Pins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell… and their trip begins.
Agnes Paragon vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. EGO vs. Fomore vs. Boob Marley vs. Ryu vs. Anna May ©

The 7DP: Chaotic and yet fun, as always. Boob is out first, submission EGO gets DQ’d out of this no DQ match, Pietzza is pinned next, then the Champ Anna May is forced to quit for the love of the art by Fomore. Manic lasted longer than his battle royal record makes you assume. Ryu is then pinned by Agnes. Fomore makes it all the way to the end, submitting Agnes immediately after she pinned Ryu, becoming the deadliest pinner once more.

[IGgy]

Week 79: NOW book me, coward!

And here we go! Match card for this week. And next week, we’ll have a PPV. Just don’t know what to call it yet? Mmmh, let’s hope something happens on the show that gives it a name.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
It’s like these get more and more high profile
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Boob Marley

#2 Singles Match
Fuck him up, Skullistair!
Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*

#3 Singles Match
The flyin’ kid against an old homeless guy
Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki

#4 Three-Way (Elimination)
There’s a non-zero percent chance that there will be blood with Kelsey, a guy called Pig Destroyer and a giant baby bird.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter

#5 Singles Match
This is mainly to see if the Tiny Titan can lift the Thicc Titan. (Spoiler: Yes)
Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

#6 Singles Match
Oh shit! Angus sure has climbed the card! He even gets a Vacation Skeleton match.
Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton

#7 Legion Tag Championship
RBF are goin’ back to school. And this time they try to beat it up.
Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS © vs. Boob Marley for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*
#3 Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki
#4 Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter
#5 Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
#6 Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton
#7 Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam © For the Legion Tag Titles

[IGgy]

Week 79: NOW book me, coward! - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 79: NOW book me, coward!

And here we go! Match card for this week. And next week, we’ll have a PPV. Just don’t know what to call it yet? Mmmh, let’s hope something happens on the show that gives it a name.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
It’s like these get more and more high profile
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Boob Marley

Unfortunate. This match was even. They traded offense back and forth. But it went to 15 Minutes and the explosion happened. Boob was able to get back up after but I don’t think this is the last we’ve heard of the legendary Boob vs. ASS match-up.

#2 Singles Match
Fuck him up, Skullistair!
Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*

Oof. As it turns out “The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar” technically refers to any combination of Dashes and our Dash Prime didn’t even show up. Skullistair got screwed on this one. There wasn’t much they could do. I’m pretty sure this is not the last we’ve seen of this either.

Scene: Grace enters the ring and demands to be booked. IGgy shows up and says no. But then changes his mind and books himself against Grace. He promptly uses and even has his own finisher done against him. This was a light workout for Grace. Probably didn’t break a sweat.

#3 Singles Match
The flyin’ kid against an old homeless guy
Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki

This is a bit of an undercard sleeper hit. They did their things and Danny even managed to pull off the V5 for the win (after whiffing it once, but hey, you gotta make mistakes too!)

#4 Three-Way (Elimination)
There’s a non-zero percent chance that there will be blood with Kelsey, a guy called Pig Destroyer and a giant baby bird.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter

This match ended up being Kelsey’s. She eliminated the Duckboy by actually slaughtering him with Prey Slaughtered. She then moved on to do Prey Slaughtered for the three count on Pig Destroyer too.

#5 Singles Match
This is mainly to see if the Tiny Titan can lift the Thicc Titan. (Spoiler: Yes)
Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

Although Isabel could not defeat Ricc 2 Thicc this time I’d say this is still a defining match for her. Not only could she keep up but we all believed that she could do it right until the end. She whiffed a dive, though, welcime to the dive-whiff club my friend. Toilet’s in the back!

#6 Singles Match
Oh shit! Angus sure has climbed the card! He even gets a Vacation Skeleton match.
Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton

Oh wow. These just went. We don’t often see Vacation Skeleton give it this much of an effort and it’s been a while since Angus had a really close match. Angus seals the deal with a Ripcord Tru Bru, retaining the cvrsed vnsactioned Pokeymanz Title.

Scene: Angus cut this promo in his native tongue, scottish. It has been translated, here’s the most important bits: Angus recounts the bumpy road he took to get here, how he gave up the rights to the letter g and became Anus McMutton (OHPW does not recognize this in all materials, he’s usually billed as Angus but his nameplate when entering says Anus.) But things are looking up for him, he’s on a winning streak. He announces that it’s finally time to take back the letter G. And what better way to do this than to Challenge Vacant to a Lest Jimmy Standin(g) (Last Man Standing) match. He got him to the count of 6 before. All he wants is to do better than that. He wants to keep VACANT down until the count of 7 to prove that he is better now than when he fell into this void.

#7 Legion Tag Championship
RBF are goin’ back to school. And this time they try to beat it up.
Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam ©

Real Beer Float have been humbled. By Sadim’s Humblemaker. Just how it is. SoS prove to be more formidable champions than the last time they held the titles.

[IGgy]

Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020
This Saturday we got another of them “PPVs”
Fuck it’s already our 20th PPV. Or Special Event as I call them sometimes. I dunno, I’m not consistent about this.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Florida Man attempts to fight ASS at wrestling show. Ring explodes?
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Florida Man

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
This features former Bunny Champs only!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Anna May vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Palpatine vs. Suzan Blades vs. Roy vs. Hellranger Flamander vs. Fomore ©

#3 Singles Match
After last week Skullistair deserves to kill the business… or a discarded aspect of Dash.
Skullistair vs. A single Husk of Dash chosen by Dash Rendar

#4 Singles Match
They met before. Just not one on one.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man

#5 Singles Match
IGgy sacrifices himself to find a way to not book Dash vs. Vacation Skeleton
Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Thunder and Lightning have been more on their own lately, finally back as a unit!
SHA-MO vs. School of Slam ©

#7 Darkweight Championship
Man, Kelsey’s been slaughtering in her last match. But could we see a return of Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

#8 Lest Jimmy Standing Match
Seven. That’s all Angus wants, to get VACANT down for a count of Seven to get back the G. Maybe he can make it ten.
An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT

#9 Hellweight Championship
Pantha has the longest Hellweight Reign but Grace needs one more win to match it. There could be no better opponent.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS © vs. Florida Man
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Fomore ©
#3 Skullistair vs. A Husk of Dash
#4 Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man
#5 Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen
#6 SHA-MO vs. School of Slam © for the Legion Titles
#7 Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka © for the Darkweight Title
#8 An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT for the letter G
#9 Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020 - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020
This Saturday we got another of them “PPVs”
Fuck it’s already our 20th PPV. Or Special Event as I call them sometimes. I dunno, I’m not consistent about this.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Florida Man attempts to fight ASS at wrestling show. Ring explodes?
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Florida Man

It’s a shame Florida man is so tough and doesn’t care too much about getting dropped on a toaster, otherwise ASS would have won. Instead we got the explosion!

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
This features former Bunny Champs only!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Anna May vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Palpatine vs. Suzan Blades vs. Roy vs. Hellranger Flamander vs. Fomore ©

A who’s who of OHPW Bunny Title history. Notably absent are Black and VACANT as the longest reigning champs. But this match still had the action to befit the lineage of a title that no longer exists. The final three were Mr. Shakedown, Suzan Blades and Flamander. And it could have been any of them. But Flamander, who entered last, was also the last one still in the ring and our new deadliest pinner.

#3 Singles Match
After last week Skullistair deserves to kill the business… or a discarded aspect of Dash.
Skullistair vs. A single Husk of Dash chosen by Dash Rendar

It looked at first as though Skullistair would not be able to get revenge for uh… having to fight four of these fucks. But in the end everything came up Milhouse and the Husk stayed down. We did not feel a strong 9 to a light 10 on this one, though. Dash isn’t worth that.

#4 Singles Match
They met before. Just not one on one.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man

Undeddie wins the match with a Frog Splash! I was feeling a strong 9 to a light 10 on that one cause it’s bone hurting juice.

#5 Singles Match
IGgy sacrifices himself to find a way to not book Dash vs. Vacation Skeleton
Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen

IGgy the coward was too drunk to fight, so instead made IGgy fight for him… wait what? Ah well. Time is bullshit. Dash that fucker won, though.

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Thunder and Lightning have been more on their own lately, finally back as a unit!
SHA-MO vs. School of Slam ©

This almost became the slamfest that it needed to be but then Muscle Wizard had to anticlimactically end the match.

#7 Darkweight Championship
Man, Kelsey’s been slaughtering in her last match. But could we see a return of Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

Kelsey wanted to play by her rules so she introduced explosions and barbed wire boards to the match. However, Kayu just continued wrestling a normal match, not giving Kelsey much of a chance to get going. Kayu retains the Darkweight once more.

Video Package: Life and Times of Angus McMutton

#8 Lest Jimmy Standing Match
Seven. That’s all Angus wants, to get VACANT down for a count of Seven to get back the G. Maybe he can make it ten.
An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT

Angus goes down! 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… and he’s up. VACANT is down! 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… SEVEN! Angus does it. He accomplished his goal. Although, when he went down again it was for the count of ten he still did it. VACANT wins the match. Angus wins the G.

#9 Hellweight Championship
Pantha has the longest Hellweight Reign but Grace needs one more win to match it. There could be no better opponent.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson ©

They were doin the moves. The Pantha Claws, the Saving Graces. It took two Saving Graces for Pantha to stay down. Grace wins and matches Panthas reign. Whether she can surpass it is something we’ve yet to see.

[IGgy]

Week 81: Send in the Clowns

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Fuck Dash.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. A Husk of Dash

#2 Trios Tag Team Match
We haven’t seen either the FOB nor the Union work as a full unit in a while.
Fallout Boys vs. The Union

#3 Singles Match
Oooh, who’s it gonna be? Also it’s Jan’s first singles match period.
A Returning Young Devil vs. Jan Itor

#4 Singles Match
It’s red vs. blue all over again. In case it wasn’t clear, the newcomer is the “red” here.
Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5

#5 Four-Way
I have a feeling that any battle royal with Duck Boy in it will feel like an weird match-up. But this would be weird either way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. George Cluwney vs. Steve Dirt

#6 Singles Match
With the first of his Young Devils returning Freddie is eager to step back into the ring to face them one day.
Freddie Hope vs. Fomore

#7 Legion Tag Team Championships
Much like with Grace and Pantha last week, SoS are about to match the reign of the Grunts.
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS © vs. A Husk of Dash for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Fallout Boys vs. The Union
#3 SEXTON vs. Jan Itor
#4 Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5
#5 DCB vs. The Duckboy vs. A Cluwne, Steve Dirt
#6 Freddie Hope vs. Fomore
#7 Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam © for the Legion Tag Titles

[IGgy]

Week 81: Send in the Clowns - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 81: Send in the Clowns

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Fuck Dash.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. A Husk of Dash

This is bullshit. Fucking dash zombie with a fucking Shadows of the Empire fuck. No, this is garbage. ASS deserves better.

#2 Trios Tag Team Match
We haven’t seen either the FOB nor the Union work as a full unit in a while.
Fallout Boys vs. The Union

Not long till the groin kicks happen. Eventually Mina just sits on someone and somehow wins the match.

Scene: The former Sexton Thicc enters and tells us where he’s been. He’s now Sexton Blud cause some Jerk took the name Thicc. already. Fukken Ricc!

#3 Singles Match
Oooh, who’s it gonna be? Also it’s Jan’s first singles match period.
A Returning Young Devil vs. Jan Itor

Sexton’s return and Jan’s first singles match ever. So it’s hard to tell what to expect. Somehow they have the longest singles match on the card. Only beaten for longest period by two seconds. Which would be the previous tag match. Sexton wins after using his ass for the good of mankind and then following with a fatman press jackhammer.

#4 Singles Match
It’s red vs. blue all over again. In case it wasn’t clear, the newcomer is the “red” here.
Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5

This ALSO went over 20 minutes. Damn. Early on it was more or less even. Then Danny took control over the match until Blaze mounted a comeback, but it wasn’t enough. Danny takes the win.

#5 Four-Way
I have a feeling that any battle royal with Duck Boy in it will feel like an weird match-up. But this would be weird either way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. George Cluwney vs. Steve Dirt

Okay, let’s get the most important thing out of the way first: DCB did a “ramp spot” in the vein of EGO. Also the fucking clown wins. The hell?

#6 Singles Match
With the first of his Young Devils returning Freddie is eager to step back into the ring to face them one day.
Freddie Hope vs. Fomore

This would be the main event on any other card. Too bad everyone decided to bring it today. It was still good. Freddie fights back hard but Fomore always gets back in control. Fomore’s style revolves all around slowing the match down until they don’t want it slow anymore. Freddie is back when he gets to control the pace but Fomore is the best counter against him and manages to beat the Legend.

#7 Legion Tag Team Championships
Much like with Grace and Pantha last week, SoS are about to match the reign of the Grunts.
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam ©

Just pulling the band-aid off. SoS win. They match the Grunts’ reign and get a chance to surpass it at the next PPV against… I dunno yet.

[IGgy]

Week 82: Hangin’ and Slammin’
At this point I can say “usual time” without confusing people over it being earlier than it used to, I think.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
How did ASS get here. She doesn’t deserve this. Samio might. Depends on the time of day.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Super Samio

#2 Tag Team Match
A literally Pineapple and Pizza go against a skeleton and (not) a robot
Pineapple Pizza vs. The Fung Gang (VS + NAR)

#3 Singles Match
At this point it’s become an initiation ritual to face the bear in Kombat.
Sexton Blud vs. Great Maharaja

#4 Four-Way (Elimination)
Uh oh… VACANT didn’t want the Pokeymanz to begin with and wants to get rid of it… but is too proud to lose on purpose.
VACANT vs. Spitbal vs. Lea Lionheart vs. A Mimic

#5 Singles Match
Time to d-d-d-d-duel.
Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka

#6 Singles Match
I always forget which amount of dragon Ryu is. So Maya goes against some amount of dragon greater than 0 but less than or equal to 1.
Actually, it just occured to me that Ryu literally means Dragon.
Maya Northwind vs. Ryu

#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
The first time Fomore challenges for a singles title since losing the Hellweight. Probably Kayu’s toughest defense yet.
Fomore vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©