OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

[IGgy]

Week 51: Settle the Score
(Click link for exact times)

This Saturday we’ll have more wrasslin’ just before our next PPV which will be uh… (checks list of PPV Names) wow, none of these fit. Fuck it, let’s call it Slamarama Dingdong. I sure won’t regret this in the morning.

Anyway, Anna May attempts to rid herself of the Jabroni again. And she has to soon because she’s getting closer to matching EGO’s reign back when they were still called The Ego. (This is Anna May’s seventh Jabroni offense, Ego was sitting at 8 when they won their way out of Jabronidom)
In a tag exhibition Real Beer Float take on the Fallout Boys, mainly for fun but hopefully, the match will also be good.
Sadim and Ricc will go one on one for a shot at the Hellweight title. Ricc 2 Thicc impressively beat VACANT two weeks ago but it was only his second main roster match so he’ll have to prove himself against last month’s runner-up The Supreme Sadim.
Florida Man submitted Spitbal in their three-way a few weeks back, now they meet again. But you add The El Chad to the mix and the chances of it being a good match drastic go down. Thankfully Mr. Shakedown is also there.
Manic Misanthrope and Black have faced twice so far. Both have defeated the other once. So it’s only fitting for Black to have to face someone who can be called his equal in the match that would have him surpass our current longest Bunny Title reign if he can win it.
Finally, 1 1/2 Dragons proved last week that they haven’t missed a beat and so they challenge for the Tag titles. They last held them in July, wow. If they can win them again they will be the first three-time champions in OHPW.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja

#2 Tag Team Match
The Real Beer Float vs. The Fallout Boys (Doc and Matt)

#3 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Supreme Sadim vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

#4 Four-Way (First Fall)
Spitbal vs. Florida Man vs. The El Chad vs. Mr. Shakedown

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Manic Misanthrope vs. Black ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Legion Tag Championships
1 1/2 Dragons vs. Team Skull ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Real Beer Float vs. Fallout Boys
#3 Supreme Sadim vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
#4 Spitbal vs. Florida Man vs. The El Chad vs. Mr. Shakedown
#5 Manic Misanthrope vs. Black © for the Bunny Title
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 1 1/2 Dragons vs. Team Skull ©

[IGgy]

Week 51: Settle the Score - (Twitch VOD)

Week 51: Settle the Score
(Click link for exact times)

This Saturday we’ll have more wrasslin’ just before our next PPV which will be uh… (checks list of PPV Names) wow, none of these fit. Fuck it, let’s call it Slamarama Dingdong. I sure won’t regret this in the morning.

Anyway, Anna May attempts to rid herself of the Jabroni again. And she has to soon because she’s getting closer to matching EGO’s reign back when they were still called The Ego. (This is Anna May’s seventh Jabroni offense, Ego was sitting at 8 when they won their way out of Jabronidom)
In a tag exhibition Real Beer Float take on the Fallout Boys, mainly for fun but hopefully, the match will also be good.
Sadim and Ricc will go one on one for a shot at the Hellweight title. Ricc 2 Thicc impressively beat VACANT two weeks ago but it was only his second main roster match so he’ll have to prove himself against last month’s runner-up The Supreme Sadim.
Florida Man submitted Spitbal in their three-way a few weeks back, now they meet again. But you add The El Chad to the mix and the chances of it being a good match drastic go down. Thankfully Mr. Shakedown is also there.
Manic Misanthrope and Black have faced twice so far. Both have defeated the other once. So it’s only fitting for Black to have to face someone who can be called his equal in the match that would have him surpass our current longest Bunny Title reign if he can win it.
Finally, 1 1/2 Dragons proved last week that they haven’t missed a beat and so they challenge for the Tag titles. They last held them in July, wow. If they can win them again they will be the first three-time champions in OHPW.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja

Whew, Anna May finally did it. If Anna May wasn’t already on last week’s episode gif and I tried avoiding using the finish of the match as a gif then this would be it

#2 Tag Team Match
The Real Beer Float vs. The Fallout Boys (Doc and Matt)

Fairly even contest despite Rick’s presence at ringside. But Ultimately the one extra man for the ringside brawls might be what did it for the FOB.

#3 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Supreme Sadim vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

Ricc continues going on a tear and beats Sadim in just over ten minutes with a Thicctory Roll

#4 Four-Way (First Fall)
Spitbal vs. Florida Man vs. The El Chad vs. Mr. Shakedown

Spitbal and Florida Man favor each other for most of the start of the match but later on everyone swaps opponents. Shakedown is the one to get the win by submitting Spitbal in the end.

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Manic Misanthrope vs. Black ©

They prove they are an even match right at the start and continue to go back and forth from there. However, Black is on a streak and puts down Manic by pinfall for the 2-1

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Midas Minoson vs. VACANT

Not a bad showing from Midas. But not enough. Once VACANT whips out the stomps it’s over. Midas did get the first down over VACANT, though.

#7 Legion Tag Championships
1 1/2 Dragons vs. Team Skull ©

Team Skul manage to retain their title against a team of people formidable on their own. They even got the pin over Ryu, the longest reigning Darkweight champ so far.

[IGgy]

Week 52: SLAMARAMA DINGDONG

Time for our 13th PPV. With this episode we’ll match our run of LPFWA’s third season. The final episode of which is a good one, which you can find here.

Anyway, on this PPV Spitbal learns the consequences of losing twice in a row. Can he subdue Maharaja to prove that it wasn’t due to his own shortcomings?
In our 7DP encounter we’ll have mostly new people and Dash Rendar challenging Anus McMutton. Harley and Apollo will continue their best of 9 (0-1 for Harley now), Steve Dirt and Kelsey have their promised Deathmatch…
The FOB challenge Team Skull for the Tag titles, Manic challenges for the Darkweight for the first time in a long time against Koji Kojinaka who impressed in his debut winning the title from Nero sin. Suzan and Black have their long awaited rematch and Ricc 2 Thicc aims to end Harmony’s reign with the Hellweight Title!

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Spitbal

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Cock Lightning vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Family Man vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dash Rendar vs. Anus McMutton ©

#3 Singles Match
Harley Havik vs. Apollo

#4 Tag Team Match
The Fun Gang (VS and DCB) vs. WUEESWC (Mina and Josef)

#5 Landmine Deathmatch
Steve Dirt vs. Kelsey Slaughter

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull ©

#8 Darkweight Championship
Manic Misanthrope vs. Koji Kojinaka ©

#9 Bunny Championship
Suzan Blades vs. Black ©

#10 Hellweight Championship
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Harmony Gray ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Spitbal for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Anus McMutton ©
#3 Harley Havik vs. Apollo
#4 The Fun Gang vs. oRa 66
#5 Steve Dirt vs. Kelsey Slaughter
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull © for the Legion Titles
#8 Manic Misanthrope vs. Koji Kojinaka © for the Darkweight Title
#9 Suzan Blades vs. Black © for the Bunny Title :3
#10 Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Harmony Gray ©

[IGgy]

Week 52: SLAMARAMA DINGDONG - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 52: SLAMARAMA DINGDONG

Time for our 13th PPV. With this episode we’ll match our run of LPFWA’s third season. The final episode of which is a good one, which you can find here.

Anyway, on this PPV Spitbal learns the consequences of losing twice in a row. Can he subdue Maharaja to prove that it wasn’t due to his own shortcomings?
In our 7DP encounter we’ll have mostly new people and Dash Rendar challenging Anus McMutton. Harley and Apollo will continue their best of 9 (0-1 for Harley now), Steve Dirt and Kelsey have their promised Deathmatch…
The FOB challenge Team Skull for the Tag titles, Manic challenges for the Darkweight for the first time in a long time against Koji Kojinaka who impressed in his debut winning the title from Nero sin. Suzan and Black have their long awaited rematch and Ricc 2 Thicc aims to end Harmony’s reign with the Hellweight Title!

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Spitbal

A mostly decisive victory for Spitbal. Explosion-chan fans worldwide continue to be disappointed.

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Cock Lightning vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Family Man vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dash Rendar vs. Anus McMutton ©

Anus is out first. Whether this harms his self-worth is to be seen but he did later appear at ringside during the oRa match so it can’t be that bad. However, what is bad is that DASH WON MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!

#3 Singles Match
Harley Havik vs. Apollo

The second match in their best of 9 series. Harley took the first, Apollo took this one. It was a very good match. If it wasn’t for a later one on the card this would be MOTN.

Scene: The Fun Gang just kinda chat when the Dashosphere appears out of nowhere challenging Vacation Skeleton due to some grudge no one seems to be aware of, except Dash.

#4 Tag Team Match
The Fun Gang (VS and DCB) vs. WUEESWC (Mina and Josef)

What a fun match featuring The Fun Gang. In classic Fun Gang fashion the match doesn’t end decisively but via count-out. Oof. They can be happy this wasn’t a title match again. Like the time they won the title match via DQ, which doesn’t earn the title. Classic.

#5 Landmine Deathmatch
Steve Dirt vs. Kelsey Slaughter

Short but sweet. Fairly normal till they go to the outside, then the blood flows and since it’s falls count anywhere it ends on the outside too. Kelsey wins via submission.

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Muscle Wizard vs. VACANT

Muscle Wizard went into this another VACANT challenger but left earning VACANT’s respect. While Muscle Wizard couldn’t win he got the first down and lasted over 19 minutes before losing by TKO

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull ©

The FOB get another shot, however, the Team Skull Grunts prove once more that they, of all people, are the most successful tag team in OHPW. I falsely claimed they were sitting at one defense, as did their first reign. That was wrong, however. Their first reign was two defenses long. And their ongoing one would see its third successful defense against the FOB.

#8 Darkweight Championship
Manic Misanthrope vs. Koji Kojinaka ©

This match delivered. Easily my MOTN. Manic and Koji went back and forth. Trying to outsmart and outwrestle each other. After over 30 minutes Koji beat Manic via submission, earning him his first successful title defense in OHPW.

#9 Bunny Championship
Suzan Blades vs. Black ©

This was a long time in the making. Back during the tournament to crown the inaugural Hellweight Champion Suzan defeated Black with a Hijack Backbreaker in the semifinals. The odds going into this match, however, were in favor of Black who had a 54.70% chance of winning according to math (not Steinermath). But Suzan ended up winning again. After the Knightfall already failed she realized she couldn’t pin Black. So instead of going for her Knightfall Burning Hammer again she locked in a Torture Rack, submitting Black.

#10 Hellweight Championship
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Harmony Gray ©

Ricc entered undefeated but left with a single blemish on his record. Not for a lack of trying. We started out with Ricc countering all of Harmony’s moves again but as the match went on it got more even and eventually turned to the favor of Harmony who locked in the Arachnid’s Grip, making sure the final stretch of title matches would all end in Submission.

[IGgy]

Week 53: Exceed
Last week as a banger of a show and it being the 52nd episode it matched the episode count of LPFWA Season 3. But now we go into overtime!
And overdrive, baybee! In celebration our next PPV will becalled Unstopping. Mainly because the song of the same name from the ZeroRanger Soundtrack whips ass!

Anyway. Steve Dirt is another contender I usually wouldn’t put into the Jabroni match, but first of all, he loves blood but also he got beaten to a pulp last week. So now he gets to prove that he’s not as bad as he looked after his last match by taking on Great Maharaja (who as a record of 1/17/2 with 5% Wins, though to be fair, if you consider only singles matches it’s 1/6/2 with 11.11% wins).
It’s honestly been a while since we’ve seen Plumeria and Guzma and honestly, I’m not sure they ever tagged together as a duo. Funny that the named Members of Team Skull are less successful in the tag division than the two Grunts. Maybe they can start surpassing their goons against Lawful Good.
It’s also been a long while since we’ve seen N-T Punk and King Skeleton in a singles match, so here we go! We’ll also get a casual 3-Way Match featuring Weeb, Lea and Cocademon.
Suzan Blades finally captured a title again. The Bunny Championship :3. She is challenged by Hayley who was second only to The Dashosphere in last week’s Seven Deadly Pins match.
Speaking of Seven Deadly Pins: The Dashosphere will defend the title against seven challengers, including some former champs.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Steve Dirt

#2 Tag Team Match
Lawful Good vs. The “Other” Half of Team Skull

#3 Singles Match
N-T Punk vs. King Skeleton

#4 Three-Way (First Fall)
Weeb Weaver vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Cocademon

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Hayley Simmons vs. Suzan Blades ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royale
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Pine Appel vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. A Mimic vs. Maya Northwind vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. The Dashosphere ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Steve Dirt
#2 Lawful Good vs. Team Skull
#3 N-T Punk vs. King Skeleton
#4 Weeb Seaver vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Cocademon
#5 Hayley Simmons vs. Suzan Blades ©
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. The Dashosphere ©

[IGgy]

Week 53: Exceed - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 53: Exceed
Last week as a banger of a show and it being the 52nd episode it matched the episode count of LPFWA Season 3. But now we go into overtime!
And overdrive, baybee! In celebration our next PPV will becalled Unstopping. Mainly because the song of the same name from the ZeroRanger Soundtrack whips ass!

Anyway. Steve Dirt is another contender I usually wouldn’t put into the Jabroni match, but first of all, he loves blood but also he got beaten to a pulp last week. So now he gets to prove that he’s not as bad as he looked after his last match by taking on Great Maharaja (who as a record of 1/17/2 with 5% Wins, though to be fair, if you consider only singles matches it’s 1/6/2 with 11.11% wins).
It’s honestly been a while since we’ve seen Plumeria and Guzma and honestly, I’m not sure they ever tagged together as a duo. Funny that the named Members of Team Skull are less successful in the tag division than the two Grunts. Maybe they can start surpassing their goons against Lawful Good.
It’s also been a long while since we’ve seen N-T Punk and King Skeleton in a singles match, so here we go! We’ll also get a casual 3-Way Match featuring Weeb, Lea and Cocademon.
Suzan Blades finally captured a title again. The Bunny Championship :3. She is challenged by Hayley who was second only to The Dashosphere in last week’s Seven Deadly Pins match.
Speaking of Seven Deadly Pins: The Dashosphere will defend the title against seven challengers, including some former champs.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Steve Dirt

This match goes all the way to the explosion, knocking both wrestlers out. It’s unclear whether the lack of blading before the match made Steve stronger or weaker.

#2 Tag Team Match
Lawful Good vs. The “Other” Half of Team Skull

This went on for a bit, but in the end Lawful Good won through Lemuel submitting Guzma

#3 Singles Match
N-T Punk vs. King Skeleton

King Skeleten actually got a win! Amazing. Despite his trademark lack of stamina!

#4 Three-Way (First Fall)
Weeb Weaver vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Cocademon

Everyone repeatedly tried to get Lea with the Carbonated Footprint but Lea ended up being the one to win the match.

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Hayley Simmons vs. Suzan Blades ©

This was a very even and exciting match until Suzan knocked Hayley out with Knightfall

Scene: IGgy very half-assedly announces a tournament in the vein of the original Hellweight Tournament next month.

Scene: Nero Sin steps in front of the promo wall and announces that he will retire soon. He’s in his mid 50s so it’s probably around time anyway. But he challenges Suzan Blades for his final match!

Scene: Palpy returns from the Goat Dimension or whatever that was and announces he was beaten so badly that he had to make use of Goat Healthcare, which put him in massive debt, making him sell the ownership of the oRa 66 to The Malfest Goat-Monster. Too bad the oRa have unionized. That oughta really piss off the capitalist goat-monster.

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

Palpy eats shit. But lasts over 10 minutes somehow. Must be these goat superpowers he was talking about.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royale
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Pine Appel vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. A Mimic vs. Maya Northwind vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. The Dashosphere ©

This was the worst. Dash won again. Retaining the 7DP

[IGgy]

Week 54: Accept
Aw man! Punk is back for the Jabroni. Hope he makes it.
Afterwards EGO, Freddie and Pantha will be part of a 5-Way Battle Royal with two jobbers. Suman and IGgy.
Nero announced his retirement at the next PPV but that doesn’t mean he’s done kicking ass! Muscle Wizard seems to be his next victim.
SHA-MO will be taking on the food-themed tag team of Pineapple Pizza.
Apollo’s got a shot against Suzan for the Bunny Title :3 With his victory against Harley he’s deserved it.
In the Main Event Lea Lionheart gets to challegne Koji Kojinaka for the Underworld Darkweight Championship. Fun is about to be had.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. N-T Punk

#2 Five-Way (First Fall)
EGO vs. Freddie Hope vs. Pantha vs. Suman. vs. IGgy IGsen

#3 Singles Match
Nero Sin vs. Muscle Wizard

#4 Tag Team Match
SHA-MO vs. Pineapple Pizza

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Apollo vs. Suzan Blades ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Underworld Darkweight Champion
Lea Lionheart vs. Koji Kojinaka ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. N-T Punk for the Jabroni Royale
#2 EGO vs. Freddie Hope vs. Pantha vs. Suman. vs. IGgy IGsen
#3 Nero Sin vs. Muscle Wizard
#4 SHA-MO vs. Pineapple Pizza
#5 Apollo vs. Suzan Blades © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Lea Lionheart vs. Koji Kojinaka © for the Darkweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 54: Ramp Spot - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 54: Accept
Aw man! Punk is back for the Jabroni. Hope he makes it.
Afterwards EGO, Freddie and Pantha will be part of a 5-Way Battle Royal with two jobbers. Suman and IGgy.
Nero announced his retirement at the next PPV but that doesn’t mean he’s done kicking ass! Muscle Wizard seems to be his next victim.
SHA-MO will be taking on the food-themed tag team of Pineapple Pizza.
Apollo’s got a shot against Suzan for the Bunny Title :3 With his victory against Harley he’s deserved it.
In the Main Event Lea Lionheart gets to challegne Koji Kojinaka for the Underworld Darkweight Championship. Fun is about to be had.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. N-T Punk

THe match goes all the way to the explosion. But instead of both competitor’s getting knocked out it’s only Punk. Maharaja remains standing and wins the match.

#2 Five-Way (First Fall)
EGO vs. Freddie Hope vs. Pantha vs. Suman. vs. IGgy IGsen

Somewhere in the match EGO does a sick ramp spot (pictured as Episode gif above). The match ends, however, with Pantha putting Suman to sleep.

#3 Singles Match
Nero Sin vs. Muscle Wizard

Nero chokeslams Muscle Wizard into oblivion, pinning him for the win.

#4 Tag Team Match
SHA-MO vs. Pineapple Pizza

Lightning whips out his finisher, Lightning Strikes, and ends the match by pinning Pine Appel

Scene: Suzan cuts a Promo on Nero Sin and accepts his challenge after she tries to expose his hypocrisy.

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Apollo vs. Suzan Blades ©

In a repeat of last week Suzan actually knocks out Apollo with Knightfall. That’s two in a row!

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Manic Misanthrope vs. VACANT

Manic makes it past the ten minute Mark. But after take a Burning Hammer to the outside he can’t recover again and the following attacks cause him to lose by TKO.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Champion
Lea Lionheart vs. Koji Kojinaka ©

What a fun match. Back and forth, both showing what they are good at! In the end we got a new champion with Lea Lionheart who won with her Finisher, the Make-A-Wish.

[IGgy]

Week 55: No Talent

Well, here we go. N-T Punk is back in the Jabroni for the second time. The most deserving challenger that we could find after last week was Suman. Truth be told, I can see this go either way.
Well also find a No. 1 Contender for the Tag Titles. SoS, who’ve been doing well in the past are going against Lawful good who, well, won recently.
Nero Sin also has his penultimate match in OHPW. He will go against an actual demon of the capitalist sin of representing a brand. Horrible.
And up next we have the Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match. It is a rematch. Black vs. Pantha. Last time Pantha made Black go unconscious from pain with her Pantha Claw. A PPV level match right here.
And after that? What’s this. It’s the Legion Tag Title match on a non-PPV card and it’s not the Main event? Well, that’s because the Bunny Title Match that would normally be in this spot is quite high profile too. More on that later. SHA-MO have earned themselves a shot at the Legion Titles last week so they go against the Team Skull Grunts
And then, after the VACANT Open Challenge, we got ourselves Freddie Hope vs. Suzan Blades for the Bunny Championship :3
Another PPV level match right here on the go-home to the PPV. This is quite the stacked card.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
N-T Punk (“c”) vs. Suman

#2 Legion Tag No. 1 Contender Match
School of Slam vs. Lawful Good

#3 Singles Match
Nero Sin vs. Cocademon

#4 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Black vs. Pantha

#5 Legion Tag Championships
SHA-MO vs. Team Skull ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Bunny Championship :3
Freddie Hope vs. Suzan Blades ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 N-T Punk (“c”) vs. Suman.
#2 School of Slam vs. Lawful Good
#3 Nero Sin vs. Cocademon
#4 Black vs. Pantha
#5 SHA-MO vs. Team Skull © for the Legion Titles
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Freddie Hope vs. Suzan Blades © for the Bunny Title :3

[IGgy]

Week 55: No Talent - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 55: No Talent

Well, here we go. N-T Punk is back in the Jabroni for the second time. The most deserving challenger that we could find after last week was Suman. Truth be told, I can see this go either way.
Well also find a No. 1 Contender for the Tag Titles. SoS, who’ve been doing well in the past are going against Lawful good who, well, won recently.
Nero Sin also has his penultimate match in OHPW. He will go against an actual demon of the capitalist sin of representing a brand. Horrible.
And up next we have the Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match. It is a rematch. Black vs. Pantha. Last time Pantha made Black go unconscious from pain with her Pantha Claw. A PPV level match right here.
And after that? What’s this. It’s the Legion Tag Title match on a non-PPV card and it’s not the Main event? Well, that’s because the Bunny Title Match that would normally be in this spot is quite high profile too. More on that later. SHA-MO have earned themselves a shot at the Legion Titles last week so they go against the Team Skull Grunts
And then, after the VACANT Open Challenge, we got ourselves Freddie Hope vs. Suzan Blades for the Bunny Championship :3
Another PPV level match right here on the go-home to the PPV. This is quite the stacked card.

Scene: N-T Punk laments his 2-time Jabroni-ship in the form of rhymes. It’s just one four line verse but he put all his heart into it.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
N-T Punk (“c”) vs. Suman

Punk starts the match off by kicking Suman onto a barbed wire board immediately causing blood! The match went on and blood was everywhere, both wrestlers wre bleeding and then we reached the 15 minute mark and the ring exploded! But oh! Punk is getting up! Suman is our new Jabroni!

#2 Legion Tag No. 1 Contender Match
School of Slam vs. Lawful Good

Nice little back and forth for the most part until SoS win thanks to Muscle Wizard’s Cipher Utaki.

#3 Singles Match
Nero Sin vs. Cocademon

This match was Nero sending a message to Suzan for next week. It didn’t last long and Nero was in control for almost the entire match.

Scene: Nero urges Suzan to bring her A-Game next week. He announces that his retirement match will be a Landmine Deatmatch and then bellows his catchphrase one last time.

#4 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Black vs. Pantha

The first time they fought it was a banger match and Pantha won by forcing black unconscious with the Pantha Claw. This time, it was a banger match and Pantha won by forcing black to submit with the Pantha Claw. It’s almost the same.

#5 Legion Tag Championships
SHA-MO vs. Team Skull ©

Team Skull is in control early on. SHA-MO are only able to mount a comeback fairly late into the match. Perhaps too late as they could not capture the Title from Team Skull who now have successfully defended the title four times and have a six match winning streak.

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Pine Appel vs. VACANT

Despite Cheese Pietzza interfering Pine Appel could not last longer than ten minutes against VACANT

#7 Bunny Championship :3
Freddie Hope vs. Suzan Blades ©

Oooh, a big one. Freddie got hit with Knightfall three times early on. But he wouldn’t go down that easily. They fought for quite some time after that until the decision was made. Knightfall for the fourth time and Freddie stays down for the 1-2-3.

[IGgy]

Week 56: UNSTOPPING

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Suman (“c”) vs. Weeb Weaver

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Ryu vs. Midas Minoson vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Anna May vs. Super Samio vs. Boob Marley vs. Canada Alderman vs. The Dashosphere ©

#3 Singles Match
Grace Thoruson vs. Harley Havik

#4 Trios Tag Match
Real Beer Float & IGgy vs. Criminal Sanity (EGO, Undeddie, Mimic)

#5 Singles Match
Apollo vs. Hayley Simmons

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Mr. Shakedown vs. Lea Lionheart

#8 Legion Tag Championships
School of Slam vs. Team Skull ©

#9 Bunny Championship :3 - Landmine Deathmatch - Nero Sin’s Retirement
Nero Sin vs. Suzan Blades ©

#10 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Pantha vs. Harmony Gray ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Suman (“c”) vs. Weeb Weaver for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal feat. The Dashosphere ©
#3 Grace Thoruson vs. Harley Havik
#4 Real Beer Float & IGgy vs. Criminal Sanity
#5 Apollo vs. Hayley Simmons
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Mr. Shakedown vs. Lea Lionheart © for the Darkweight Title
#8 School of Slam vs. Team Skull © for the Legion Tag Titles
#9 Nero Sin vs. Suzan Blades © for the Bunny Title :3
#10 Pantha vs. Harmony Gray © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 56: UNSTOPPING - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 56: UNSTOPPING

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Suman (“c”) vs. Weeb Weaver

They fought well, but not well enough to end the match before the ring exploded. It’d a draw. Suman retains the dishonor of being the Jabroni.

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Ryu vs. Midas Minoson vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Anna May vs. Super Samio vs. Boob Marley vs. Canada Alderman vs. The Dashosphere ©

In classic 7DP tradition The Dashosphere as the champ was the first to be eliminated. Who did last to the end was Kayu Zakisaka who won the match and becomes a two-time deadliest pinner.

#3 Singles Match
Grace Thoruson vs. Harley Havik

Exactly what was adveritised. A technical strikefest ending only when Grace begins viciously targetting Harley’s leg, which she uses both to knee opponents in the face and walk. A brutal single-leg Bosto Crab which we sometimes call the Carbonated Footprint.

#4 Trios Tag Match
Real Beer Float & IGgy vs. Criminal Sanity (EGO, Undeddie, Mimic)

You’d think a trios match is ripe for running over time but this one surprisingly was shorter than most singles matches. A loss for RBF+IGgy

#5 Singles Match
Apollo vs. Hayley Simmons

Fast paced, hard hitting. Apollo defeats Hayley in under 14 minutes but they sure crammed a lot of match in that time.

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
Nawt A Robutt vs. VACANT

It’s almost the most unlikely ones that manage to deafeat VACANT, however, the clean sweep is usually reserved for those who we do give a chance to defeat VACANT. Nawt a Robutt clean swept VACANT.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Mr. Shakedown vs. Lea Lionheart

As though the aim of this show was the unstopping escalation of the matches this oneout performed what came before. It took a freaking Fisherman Brainbuster from the top rope to make Shakedown stay down for the count.

#8 Legion Tag Championships
School of Slam vs. Team Skull ©

SoS ended the Grunts’ previous run with the Legion Titles but they could not do it again.

#9 Bunny Championship :3 - Landmine Deathmatch - Nero Sin’s Retirement
Nero Sin vs. Suzan Blades ©

Holy moly, this was paced like a 10 minute celebration of big moves but ended up lasting OVER 40 FUCKING MINUTES. In mytests we went 5-15 minutes but now… well. Making things worse, Nero defeats Suzan and retires with the Bunny Title.

Scene: Nero Sin gives a small speech for his retirement.

Nero’s final stats in OHPW:

[spoiler]12 Matches - 4 Scenes - 16 Appearances total in 26 Episodes across 189 Days.
That’s 0.44 matches per episode and 0.59 Appearances per Episode. Out of all his matches 5 were Title Matches. He competed for the Darkweight Title, the Bunny title and the Seven Deadly Pins Title. He never captured the latter despite two attempts but earned Darkweight from Ryu and the Bunny Title from Suzan. He retired with the Bunny Title.

W/L/D - Win%
7/5/0 - 58.33% for all matches
6/3/0 - 66.67% for Singles matches
Shortest Match: 1:53 (his debut)
Longest Match: 1:17:12
Longest Singles Match: 48:40 (his retirement)
Average Match Time: 23:51
Average Singles Time: 19:45
Cumulative Singles Time: 2:57:43
Average Match Rating: 90.50%
Average Singles Rating: 92:11%
Final Standing in Power Rankings: 10th (9th if you discount VACANT)
Before defeating the top rank, Suzan Blades, he was ranked 16th (15th discounting VACANT)[/spoiler]

Now we’re shooting:

When I redesigned Nero from what I was originally given I wanted him to be the guy who could beat anybody, but also be beaten by anybody. In my tests he was usually defeated by Suzan. It mostly took less than 15 minutes. Sometimes below 10. To see him bring it this hard for his actual final bout is something I didn’t expect

#10 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Pantha vs. Harmony Gray ©

How could they hope to top the previous match? Easy, just never surrender. When I called this show Unstopping I didn’t expect them to actual… like… not stop. We almost went to the full hour, going broadway but at 55 minutes the Arachnid’s Grip sapped the last of Pantha’s strength and the former champion had to surrender after a long arduous bout of legends.

[IGgy]

Week 57: Road to Hellfire 1

Before we begin introducing the upcoming tournament, last week we had a match that is seen as an instant classic. Nero Sin’s retirement bout. It’s a shame he can’t go on to defend the Bunny Championship. But it was his choice to retire at the anniversary of his very first match many years ago. Normally it would take a bit for Highlights like these to get their own videos. But we have quite a backlog of Best Bouts now and as this is a special one it’s available immediately

OHPW Best Bouts #39 - The End of Sin

Moving on…

A 32-Person Tournament. OHPW’s finest, not excluding champions.
Eight matches this week, eight more the week after, eight more the week after, the final seven at the next PPV. Here’s the full bracket:

If you want to remember how last year’s tournament went go here for the bracket or go back to watch episodes 2, 3 and 4 of OHPW. That way you can also see how the product has changed since then. We just had our 56th freaking show after all.

Our regular cards will be a bit different too. There will be more matches but they will likely all be singles matches. The Legion Tag Titles, the Darkweight Title, the Seven Deadly Pins Title and the Infernal Hellweight Title will not be defended for at least as long as their respective champions are part of the Tournament. Even if they they are not part of it the earliest date of one of these titles being competed for will be at the next PPV. The Bunny Championship :3 will not be defended for the time being either as it is being officially vacated (the match scheduled for it on the card is a formality dictated by Bunny law) and the Jabroni Royale will still be fought over at the start of each show.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Suman (“c”) vs. The Dashosphere

#2 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Anus McMutton

#3 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
Lea Lionheart vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

#4 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
EGO vs. Boob Marley

#5 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
Black vs. Haz Matt

#6 Bunny Championship :3
Nobody vs. (Nero Sin) ©
(It is understood that Nero Sin has retired and will not appear to defend the championship. However, Space Bunny Law dictates for a dummy match to be scheduled as a formality to vacate the title as vacation without this ceremony is not possible. Who thought these cute fuckers suddenly cared about their made-up traditions? A new champion will be crowned at a later date)

#7 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
Palpatine vs. Spitbal

#8 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
RICC 2 THICC vs. Midas Minoson

#9 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
Harmony Gray vs. Apollo

#10 Hellfire Tournament Round 1
Hellranger Flamander vs. Canada Alderman

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Suman (“c”) vs. The Dashosphere
#2 Hobo One Kevodki vs. Anus McMutton
#3 Lea Lionheart vs. DivineCoffeeBinge
#4 EGO vs. Boob Marley
#5 Black vs. Haz Matt
#6 Vacation of the Bunny Title :3
#7 Palpatine vs. Spitbal
#8 RICC 2 THICC vs. Midas Minoson
#9 Harmony Gray vs. Apollo
#10 Hellranger Flamander vs. Canada Alderman