OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

Week 46: Thanks for Coming
This saturday, as always.

As we near the end of the year we’re havin’ more wrestling
Anus McMutton returns to Battle Royals, though, not as big as the last one he was in, where he was unconscious for most of it and just stayed there until the next week.
Former Hellweight Champ Suzan Blades faces former Hellweight Contender Manic Misanthrope 1 on 1. Suzan may cement her return to singles competition but Manic could also prove to us that he’s capable of more than we think.
We also have Lea Lionheart against Black for the Bunny Title. Probably the biggest match of her carreer yet.
And finally, somehow Hobo made his way back to the Main Event in trying to stop Ryu’s record Darkweight Title reign.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. King Skeleton

#2 Five-Way - Elimination
Grace Thoruson vs. Plumeria vs. Great Maharaja vs. A Mimic vs. Anus McMutton

#3 Singles Match
Suzan Blades vs. Manic Misanthrope

#4 Tag Team Match
School of Slam vs. Fallout Boys

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Lea Lionheart vs. Black ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Ryu ©

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. King Skeleton for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Grace vs. Plumeria vs. Maharaja vs. Mimic vs. Anus
#3 Suzan Blades vs. Manic Misanthrope
#4 School of Slam vs. Fallout Boys
#5 Lea Lionheart vs. Black © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Hobo One Kevodki vs. Ryu © for the Darkweight Title

Week 46: Thanks for Coming - (Twitch VOD)

Week 47: Fiddy Zone
This Saturday at the usual time, click the link for exact times.

We are nearing our final PPV of the year. It’s called YEAR OF THE BEAST.
This Saturday we’re gearing up for that. Grace, after being knocked out in record time last week, has to avoid becoming the Jabroni. The Fun Gang and WNA fight each other in a match for the Legion Tag Title No. 1 Contendership and Supreme Sadim and Freddie Hope do the same for the Hellweight Title. Suzan Blades would have been in the race too but she chose not to compete for the Hellweight Title at this time.
Maybe Mimic can last longer against Black than Lea last week but as far as I go: I always bet on Black.
And in the Main Event DCB defends the Seven Deadly Pins title against seven challengers again. If she wins she is the first to defend the title more than once.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Grace Thoruson

#2 Singles Match
Maya Northwind vs. Muscle Wizard

#3 Legion Tag No. 1 Contender Match
The Fun Gang vs. Wizards Not Allowed

#4 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Supreme Sadim vs. Freddie Hope

#5 Bunny Championship :3
A Mimic vs. Black ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Cocademon vs. Harley Havik vs. Pantha vs. N-T Punk vs. Nero Sin vs. Midas Minoson vs. Super Samio vs. DivineCoffeeBinge ©

Also: Here’s me wearing a Grace shirt!

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. Grace Thoruson for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Maya Northwind vs. Muscle Wizard
#3 The Fun Gang vs. Wizards Not Allowed
#4 Supreme Sadim vs. Freddie Hope
#5 A Mimic vs. Black © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. DCB ©

Week 47: Enter the Fiddy Zone - (Twitch VOD)

Week 48: THE YEAR OF THE BEAST 2019
It’s time! This Saturday we’ll have our final PPV of the year! Click the link for exact times!

Muscle Wizard has been made to compete against the Jabroni Royal due to either sleeping in the ring or throwing the match against Maya, we don’t know.
Super Samio takes on seven challengers to the Seven Deadly Pins Title
Palpatine gets destroyed by Malfest Goat-Monster (spoilers, probably! But who knows?)
Legendary Blood Goddess… I mean skydiver… Maya Northwind challenges the dominant Black for the Bunny Title :3
Over the last weeks Wizard’s Not Allowed have earned themselves a tag title shot against Team Skull
Nero, having eliminated three people including the former champ Pantha from last week’s 7DP aims to end Ryu’s record Darkweight reign.
The Dash Rendars are on a collision course and it’s gonna be great because three of them get to lose. One will win, but you gotta make sacrifices.
Then two Doinks will do an extended mirror spot… I mean, actually, the good Flamander and the evil Flamander will tear it down.
And in the Main Event Freddie Hope challenges for Harmony Gray’s Infernal Hellweight Championship!

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Muscle Wizard

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Guzma vs. Josef Dub vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. EGO vs. Mina Park vs. Suman vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Super Samio ©

#3 Singles Match
Palpatine vs. Malfest Goat-Monster

#4 Bunny Championship :3
Maya Northwind vs. Black ©

#5 Legion Tag Championships
Wizards Not Allowed vs. Team Skull

#6 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Nero Sin vs. Ryu ©

#7 The Mega Dashes Explode
Dash Rendar vs. Ledasha Rendar vs. Fat Dash Rendar vs. The El Chad

#8 Singles Match
Hellranger Flamander vs. Star Pilot Flamander

#9 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#10 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Freddie Hope vs. Harmony Gray

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. Muscle Wizard for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal feat. Super Samio ©
#3 Palpatine vs. Malfest Goat-Monster
#4 Maya Northwind vs. Black © for the Bunny Title :3
#5 Wizards Not Allowed vs. Team Skull © for the Legion Tag Titles
#6 Nero Sin vs. Ryu © for the Darkweight Title
#7 Dash Rendar vs. Ledasha Rendar vs. Fat Dash Rendar vs. The El Chad
#8 Hellranger Flamander vs. Star Pilot Flamander
#9 VACANT Open Challenge
#10 Freddie Hope vs. Harmony Gray © for the Hellweight Title

OHPW - Week 48: YEAR OF THE BEAST - (Twitch VOD)


A different side of Kayu Zakisaka by PublicOpinion

Oh boy, OHPW is basically a year old. A little older really. Though, the time from the first episode to now is less than a year the actual inception was more than a month before that. We won’t have a show this week so let’s have a look:

To make this archivable later I resized the tables. If you want to view them in their full size or simply want to look at the data without reading what I have to say about it then go here


I’ve included the durations of the three LPFWA seasons to add a little perspective. These all go from the first episode to the last. In this time we’ve seen many stories begin and end. Too many to really list here. Every character has some story. Most simply emergent. Like Kayu Zakisaka never giving up even when she was the longest-reigning Jabroni Royale but she’s currently clawing her way up, keeping her promise that she would be champion one day. Angus McMutton, meanwhile, is on a downward slope. Started hot but it just hasn’t been going his way since. Others were planned, such as Flamander’s arc of failure to be redeemed or Dash Rendar amassing more Dash Rendars but eventually, their egos and just plain desire to be the most Dash is what caused a falling out and their weird ascension to… godhood? The execution deviated a bit from the original pitch but that’s how it always is.

The thing all these four stories have in common is that they spanned all or nearly all of OHPW’s life so far. This shift to allowing more long-term stories to bloom came from me learning to appreciate the storytelling of New Japan Pro Wrestling. In what some might view as the feud of the decade Kenny Omega and Kazuchika Okada took over 18 months to reach the climax of their story. But the thing with wrestling is that it just isn’t over after an angle has neatly wrapped. It continues. A better real life example would perhaps be the tale of The Golden Lovers, Kota Ibushi and, again, Kenny Omega, which was or rather still is told across multiple years and several promotions. That story is probably the main reason I actually respect canon from back in LPFWA when it’s there rather than just handwaving it away, wich the design of OHPW’s world allows. But oh, I shouldn’t get carried away with this… we’d be here all day.


399 matches. LPFWA Season 3 had 409, to give you a point of reference. We have fewer episodes so far but a normal show has seven instead of six bouts. Kind of a necessity that comes with our bigger roster. And I went over this a little when I made a post like this after Episode 9 but even if we had the exact same roster size as LPFWA it would be different. As there are no separate men’s and women’s divisions anymore. A good thing, I never wanted to do that anyway. It was a restriction of the WWE games. That way I have to draw from one big pool rather than two smaller ones. Speaking of our roster…


For the context of this “Active” means the wrestler is finished and ready to go. Developmental means I started but haven’t finished work on these. All the others are either self-explanatory or not relevant. Anyway, the point is our roster is huge. I still make it a point to at least book everyone in a match. When the roster was smaller this would be every 3rd episode or so. Now it’s between 4 and 6 episodes until someone not currently involved in the title picture or ongoing storylines is booked for a match.


Here’s a small glimpse into my spreadsheet I use to, among other things, not forget to book people. The column “last match” is the relevant one here. And note how it says “All Matches” on the top. Yes, I do in fact have separate sets of columns for Singes, Tags and Battle Royals as well as “Other”. There are further bits here and there. But the most important part here, and what helped me gather some of the stats in this post is in the very top right. That’s right, I can restrict my monstrous booking spreadsheet to only show me data from a certain timeframe. Actually, let’s move on to some of those.


Here’s the singles rankings for each quartal so far. This uses the ELO formula. There’s a PPV every fourth episode and each column represents a span of three PPVs. The most notable thing here is that Suzan Blades was never really surpassed (except by VACANT who I’m excluding here because VACANT would always be on top). The only reason Suzan doesn’t show in the 25-36 EP range is that she didn’t have a singles match in that time. The rest of the field is always shifting with Pantha and Black being the only other mainstays. Black, though, is in the process of surpassing Suzan. Keep in mind, although it says it respects a range of Episodes, say 13-24, all this affects is that it excludes wrestlers who haven’t had a singles match in that time. The ranking doesn’t degrade so as soon as they have a match again they are where they were before, which is why Suzan is still on top.


This, however, actually reflects achievements in the specified timeframes. There’s a lot more back and forth here as only wins and losses in that time matter. Singles wins are weighted a little higher but tag and battle royal victories still count. Tragically Palpatine is on top for our most recent quartal. This doesn’t use the ELO formula but a much simplified formula that essentially awards points for winning matches. It’s not nearly as accurate as it doesn’t respect an opponent’s record.


Just some general stats regarding common match statistics and who is the “highest” one. It might come as a bit of a surprise that Black isn’t even listed in “Shortest Avg. Matches” considering that three of the shortest matches we’ve had all involve him squashing someone. What’s not surprising is that Midas is on top of the Longest Avg. Matches since he’s in the two matches we had that went over an hour. Mind that this does not mean the time he spent in that match but just that the matches he was in lasted really long, even if he was eliminated beforehand. The numbers after the dashes show the number of matches considered for the data given. I only really counted people who had more than 3 matches.


Here’s the same stats but for singles matches only. It’s still a bit of a shock that Black isn’t even in the four people with the shortest average match times. But really, this is because when he has longer matches they often approach or surpass 20 minutes. It’s no surprise to see Manic in the longest matches column, though. However, the fact that he’s surpassed by Pantha is a surprise, though, a small one. Freddie’s had that one match with Flamander that went over 40 minutes.


Here’s a couple of fun ones. We got four people who beat VACANT sorted by first to most recent. MGMon and Black are both the “monsters” who clean swept VACANT. They are sure to meet in the ring eventually. Best Bout Machines refers to who has the most matches marked as highlights. The highlights, by the way, can be found here. I should get on at least linking to all the episodes. The longest and shortest reigns are self-explanatory. The Top Workhorses refers to how many matches someone’s had on average per episode. This does consider the fact that some wrestlers have debuted later than others.


Now for our longest matches… the top two were the result of a bug with the mod pack that made it so people could not be pinned in elimination Battle Royals. It’s since been fixed but it resulted in two ludicrously long matches during the time the bug was active. The remaining two, funnily, are from the first and most recent episodes. The only common link between the two is EGO who was still called The Ego in the first match. When they went on excursion and came back stronger and better they simply went by EGO in all caps.


Our shortest matches, in the meantime, suspiciously feature Black in three matches. After he squashed Kayu I nerfed him considerably. He was always supposed to be super strong and a force to be reckoned with but I didn’t want him to straight-up squash people. But eventually, I decided that it’s more fun if it happens sometimes and reverted most of my changes soon after. So it’s a bit of a surprise that nothing of the sort happened for a very long time and then it happened again twice in a row. The shortest match, though, goes to Nero Sin submitting DCB in a First Fall Four-Way. DCB later beat Nero in the runback while Nero, after some stumbling back and forth, went on to beat Ryu for the Darkweight Title.


I don’t have a lot to say about these, but I have access to the numbers so I figured I might as well show them. They are numbers I found interesting but I don’t have any interesting stories to tell about them.


As for our title reigns, it turns out that the 7DP has had the most champions at 20. No surprise considering that it’s the hardest title to defend and luck plays just as much of a role as the ability to eliminate others from the matches. Never mind the fact that for PPVs the rules are stacked against the champ because they start that match, while someone new comes in every few minutes. This lists VACANT as the inaugural champion for every title because kayfabe.


Now, let’s get to the tag titles because this is where it gets weird. The lineage split when The Fun Gang won a title match via DQ. Due to this The Fun Gang as well as the Fallout Boys who later beat The Fun Gang both have unofficial Legion Tag Title reigns. The alternate lineage also doesn’t respect the oRa 66’ first reign. Y’know, the one where they actually defended the title. It also has one more champion than the official lineage. Once 1 1/2 Dragons captured the titles from the F.O.B. (during what was otherwise their first successful defense in the regular lineage) the lineage was the same except for the fact that there’s one more championship reign. The official lineage has 12 reigns, mine has 13.


And finally, let’s top it off with something silly. YerPalHal, the person behind Angus McMutton wanted to know how fast Angus fell after his initial strong phase. Subjectively it happened much faster seeing as he was knocked out in the beginning a 7DP match that main evented the show and was only woken up at the start of the next episode. If you simply look at his win percentage you can see a steady decline. Sometimes he comes back a little briefly but overall it’s all downhill. The second major beat of his story was when he was defeated by VACANT who he challenged to avenge Mina (who was fine). The loss crushed Angus so much that he gave up the rights to the letter G in his name and became Anus. Finally, I got to write “Anus at record low” into a spreadsheet. I included the timeframes from his major incidents until now as well and they show just how far Angus has fallen even better. Who did he piss off? Did he sneeze near Vince McMahon? Is it simply RNG that we decided to roll with. Who knows?

OHPW - Episode 49: New Year’s Bash

Happy new decade everyone! Welcome back to OHPW! But, oh, what’s this? I only know… like… four people on the card. And what the hell is Dash Rendar doing here? Didn’t he evaporate and gave birth to a god of Dashness? And where’s VACANT? Who’s Ricc 2 Thicc??? I mean, we’ve seen him once before but why does he have his own open challenge? Ah well. I’m sure it’ll be interesting with so many new people out to prove themselves in a single show.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Dash Rendar

#2 Singles Match
Family Man vs. Agnes Paragon

#3 Tag Team Match
SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float

#4 Three-Way Landmine Deathmatch - First Fall
Steve Dirt vs. Florida Man vs. Spitbal

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Black ©

#6 Ricc 2 Thicc Open Challenge
TBD vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

#7 Darkweight Championship
Koji Kojinaka vs. Nero Sin ©

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. Dash Rendar for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Family Man vs. Agnes Paragon
#3 SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float
#4 Steve Dirt vs. Florida Man vs. Spitbal
#5 Arcade Legend ASS vs. Black © for the Bunny Title
#6 RICC 2 THICC Open Challenge
#7 Koji Kojinaka vs. Nero Sin © for the Darkweight Title

OHPW - Week 49: New Year’s Bash - (Twitch VOD)

All right, below is the card and results as usual, but here’s something I forgot about last week:
You may vote on what was the match of the Year 2019 if you go here. You can choose as many matches as you like. I’ll keep this up for a couple weeks and hopefully remember to check the thing…
All these matches are matches collected in the highlights here.

OHPW - Week 50: FIFTY!
Click the link for the exact time of the show.

After last week’s very newcomer heavy episode this week sees us return to normal with only one debut: Hayley Simmons.
Maybe Anna May will finally get rid of the Jabroni. I reckon Josef might try to prevent that, though.
It’s been a while since Space Wizards were in a tag match and due to Ryu’s reign lasting so long it’s been even longer for 1 1/2 Dragons. But they’ll have to wait no longer as they will face each other.
Last week during the SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float match Thudner and Austin seemed to favor each other, forming some kind of rivalry. Which is why they now face each other in a singles match.
In the Main Event Underdog Kayu will try to cement herself as… well… not an Underdog against seven others for the 7DP title.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Josef Dub

#2 Singles Match
Great Maharaja vs. Hayley Simmons

#3 Tag Team Match
Space Wizards vs. 1 1/2 Dragons

#4 Singles Match
Cock Thunder vs. Austin Ramon

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Mina Park vs. Black ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Mr. Shakedown vs. Canada Alderman vs. Boob Marley vs. Grace Thoruson vs. Lea Lionheart vs. King Skeleton vs. Angus McMutton vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. Josef Dub for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Great Maharaja vs. Hayley Simmons
#3 Space Wizards vs. 1 1/2 Dragons
#4 Cock Thunder vs. Austin Ramon
#5 Mina Park vs. Black © for the Bunny Title :3
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Kayu Zakisaka ©

OHPW - Week 50: Unionize! - (Twitch VOD)

Week 51: Settle the Score
(Click link for exact times)

This Saturday we’ll have more wrasslin’ just before our next PPV which will be uh… (checks list of PPV Names) wow, none of these fit. Fuck it, let’s call it Slamarama Dingdong. I sure won’t regret this in the morning.

Anyway, Anna May attempts to rid herself of the Jabroni again. And she has to soon because she’s getting closer to matching EGO’s reign back when they were still called The Ego. (This is Anna May’s seventh Jabroni offense, Ego was sitting at 8 when they won their way out of Jabronidom)
In a tag exhibition Real Beer Float take on the Fallout Boys, mainly for fun but hopefully, the match will also be good.
Sadim and Ricc will go one on one for a shot at the Hellweight title. Ricc 2 Thicc impressively beat VACANT two weeks ago but it was only his second main roster match so he’ll have to prove himself against last month’s runner-up The Supreme Sadim.
Florida Man submitted Spitbal in their three-way a few weeks back, now they meet again. But you add The El Chad to the mix and the chances of it being a good match drastic go down. Thankfully Mr. Shakedown is also there.
Manic Misanthrope and Black have faced twice so far. Both have defeated the other once. So it’s only fitting for Black to have to face someone who can be called his equal in the match that would have him surpass our current longest Bunny Title reign if he can win it.
Finally, 1 1/2 Dragons proved last week that they haven’t missed a beat and so they challenge for the Tag titles. They last held them in July, wow. If they can win them again they will be the first three-time champions in OHPW.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Anna May (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja

#2 Tag Team Match
The Real Beer Float vs. The Fallout Boys (Doc and Matt)

#3 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Supreme Sadim vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

#4 Four-Way (First Fall)
Spitbal vs. Florida Man vs. The El Chad vs. Mr. Shakedown

#5 Bunny Championship :3
Manic Misanthrope vs. Black ©

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Legion Tag Championships
1 1/2 Dragons vs. Team Skull ©

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Anna May (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Real Beer Float vs. Fallout Boys
#3 Supreme Sadim vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
#4 Spitbal vs. Florida Man vs. The El Chad vs. Mr. Shakedown
#5 Manic Misanthrope vs. Black © for the Bunny Title
#6 VACANT Open Challenge
#7 1 1/2 Dragons vs. Team Skull ©

Week 51: Settle the Score - (Twitch VOD)

Week 52: SLAMARAMA DINGDONG

Time for our 13th PPV. With this episode we’ll match our run of LPFWA’s third season. The final episode of which is a good one, which you can find here.

Anyway, on this PPV Spitbal learns the consequences of losing twice in a row. Can he subdue Maharaja to prove that it wasn’t due to his own shortcomings?
In our 7DP encounter we’ll have mostly new people and Dash Rendar challenging Anus McMutton. Harley and Apollo will continue their best of 9 (0-1 for Harley now), Steve Dirt and Kelsey have their promised Deathmatch…
The FOB challenge Team Skull for the Tag titles, Manic challenges for the Darkweight for the first time in a long time against Koji Kojinaka who impressed in his debut winning the title from Nero sin. Suzan and Black have their long awaited rematch and Ricc 2 Thicc aims to end Harmony’s reign with the Hellweight Title!

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Great Maharaja (“c”) vs. Spitbal

#2 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Cock Lightning vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Family Man vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dash Rendar vs. Anus McMutton ©

#3 Singles Match
Harley Havik vs. Apollo

#4 Tag Team Match
The Fun Gang (VS and DCB) vs. WUEESWC (Mina and Josef)

#5 Landmine Deathmatch
Steve Dirt vs. Kelsey Slaughter

#6 VACANT Open Challenge
TBD vs. VACANT

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull ©

#8 Darkweight Championship
Manic Misanthrope vs. Koji Kojinaka ©

#9 Bunny Championship
Suzan Blades vs. Black ©

#10 Hellweight Championship
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Harmony Gray ©