Calm down, my friend! I think we just have a little misunderstanding here. All these things that look like a “virus” to you? That’s just what Minecraft looks like! You’ve just got to figure out how to play it.
Make sure you don’t delete any of the files you downloaded; that will just make the whole process longer. All you’ve got to do is keep clicking around, and I’m sure you’ll find the executable somewhere. All of this weirdness will clear up in time, and it will definitely, absolutely not steal your personal information and send it to me personally.
Just remember, under no circumstances should you try and remove these files. They are in no way malicious, I promise! You should also stop checking your credit card balances, just to be extra safe.
If you got the virus from an e-mail, it stands to reason that the only way to fix it is to track down the sender… by any means necessary. What you will need is the resources to find this e-mailing criminal, which could cost you between no money and all your money. But money isn’t what’s important - it’s the principle. Take the e-mail address, run it through Ask Jeeves. If Jeeves doesn’t know where it is, hire a P.I. named Jeeves. If P.I. Jeeves can’t hack it, go to your local library (can’t use your personal computer because it’s been compromised and might alert this Minecriminal to your plans) and access the Silk Road to find an elite hacker (hopefully named J33V35) to track down your e-mail assailant. Once one of these steps works, track down the location and bring your computer. Confront the Minecriminal and ask for them to fix your computer. If they refuse or say they don’t know how, hit them over the head with the computer and run. Then use your story to inspire fear into all other would-be hackers and e-mail computer assassins and create a world safe for 10-year-olds and grandmas alike while also dismantling the empire McAffe has built.
Virus is such a harsh word. Look at it this way, your computer is haunted. And nothing sells better than haunted items. You’re going to want to put that up on eBay as soon as possible and to really sell it you’ll need to put a spiritual twist on the story. So the ghost entered your computer through Minecraft? Sounds like you have the ghost of a famous YouTube LP sensation haunting it, maybe they died while in the middle of a 72 hour Minecraft streaming event. Now they’re stuck, they need someone to finish that stream so they can move on.
That’s the kind of story that will really get the rubes- I mean good people of eBay whipped into a frenzy. A bidding frenzy. When all’s said and done you’ll walk away with enough money to buy a new computer and just maybe, a copy of Minecraft you can call your very own.
p.s. Start the bidding at $1 and offer free international shipping. That’ll really draw them in!
Sorry about that, also sorry it took so long. It’s all my fault. I’m having a bad week and today is especially terrible. Sorry for not participating in this go around.
[poll]
Mas: Trade the viruses in your computer away.
HostileV: Uninstall the free copy of Minecraft you got in the mail.
Fefnir: Enter the internet yourself and destroy the virus and the internet.
That_Good_Good_Chris: Take it out behind the Best Buy and put it out of it’s misery. Blame an employee and get a free computer.
LoakaMossi: Just keep clicking everything, delete nothing. Trust me!
Shmoo: Find the person who sent you that e-mail by whatever means necessary then confront them and make them fix your computer. Or beat them with it, whichever.
queersalutations: Rebrand your computer as being haunted, by a famous YouTube LPer, auction that shit and buy a new computer with the proceeds.[/poll]
My suggestion was gonna be to just date one of the tough singles in your area but I didn’t have the time/energy to capture a gif from Night in the Woods to make the post perfect because things are not so hot in Jenner town.
Oh my. So for my whole life I’ve hated breakfast If you can think of a traditional breakfast food, you’ve thought of a foodstuff I kind of hate (bacon doesn’t count, the internet has proven that bacon is an uberfood that encompass’ all possible meals). Friends, how do I deal with this omelet sized stone around my neck? How do I overcome breakfast?
Before modern times British people used to have a beer for breakfast.
Try and make it old school and have some beer for breakfast. Also keep it old school and don’t drive to work after breakfast.
Your salvation lies in your one true breakfast love: Bacon.
There are all manner of bacon-flavoured condiments. Just add some bacon salt, slather bacon mustard liberally and maybe, just maybe, you will find breakfast palatable.
Unfortunately, I couldn’t find bacon milk, so cereal is still out of the question. Sorry.
I don’t know what’s more gross - that someone would make bacon-flavoured baby formula or that you’re suggesting someone put baby formula on their corn flakes.
Jenner story: Because we grew up poor we often had to use baby formula as milk. So yes, I put baby formula in my off-brand corn flakes and it was about as tasty as you’re imagining.
Don’t forget to play the game while we chatterbox!
Simply adjust every clock around you at all times so that the time is three hours later than it actually should be. This will let you shift everything one meal over; breakfast becomes lunch, lunch becomes dinner, dinner becomes Fourthmeal.
Since breakfast is supposedly the most important meal of the day, you have to move to an inverse universe where that’s not the case. Granted, once you get there alt-dimension me will probably tell you that lunch or dinner aren’t actually that important and that you should always eat breakfast, but they’re a liar so follow your breakfast-less dreams no matter what alt-me tells you.
Invert your day. Get up five hours before you have to work, eat dinner before you leave. Eat lunch at the usual time. When you get home, eat breakfast. Take a shower. Then go to bed.
