Eat Lead: A "Parody"

Eat Lead™ is a game. It sure is a game, isn’t it. Since this game barely had any effort put into it, why should I put effort into this thread?

Here’s the first paragraph of the wiki article:

“Eat Lead pits players in the role of the title character, a “legendary” gaming hero who is “returning to glory” in a new video game, some 25 years after his debut game and 6 years after his last game. In reality, the Matt Hazard character is in his first video game, with a history made up by D3 Publisher to chronicle the character’s rise and fall in popularity. The Return of Matt Hazard marks Hazard’s fictitious “comeback” to the gaming scene. Hazard is voiced by Will Arnett, while Neil Patrick Harris voices his nemesis Wallace “Wally” Wellesley” (Neil you’re better than this)

Please remember the following term so you can slowly watch it die in real youtube time.

Eat 1(one) Lead: Matt Hasbeen
Eat Lead 2: Eat 2 lead
Eat Lead 2-2: Eat Swords: The Return of Uncles
Ead Lead 3: I’m Very Tired
Eat Lead 4: It’s Never Hazard Time
Eat Lead 5: Cooking Hazard
Eat Lead 6: It’s-a-me, Matt Hazard
Eat Lead 7: Soak Ass; Do Crimes
Eat Lead 8: Eat, Pray, Lead

(This was brought to you by RealSovietBear)


A video game has never caused me psychological pain like this one. Showing this to enemy combatants is considered a war crime. Real Soviet Bear played a mean prank on us and you all get to watch it.


why aren’t you writing the thread titles?

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What is with his neck? Why does it do that?!

oh NO

dang lynx only made it 10 minutes before the tears started cant wait for the rest

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And with his last LP-dying breah, Bear passes over his footage to Fenns, for him to become the next gimmick game LPer.

This is the worst sequel to The Santa Clause I’ve seen. :stuck_out_tongue:

In all honesty, this looks like it will be a doozy of an LP

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I probably should have waited to post part 2, but we’re ripping this off like a band-aid so let’s get this over with.

Eat Lead part 2:


Oh no it’s Bulletstorm but terrible. Mixed with intentionally trying to be Duke Nukem Forever. What is…what IS this??

…the prediction of Splatoon is so out of nowhere that I honestly had to stop and pace around for a second.

This may be one of the worst things I’ve ever looked at with my eyes.

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“I can’t believe I miss Vampire Rain.”

Holy shit.


I figured it out.

It’s trying to be fucking Timesplitters 2. That’s what it’s trying to be. This is a bad Timesplitters 2.

I’m not gonna lie, the fact that Matt was responsible for his own downfall in the backstory might be the only funny joke in this whole game. I guess when you’ve proven you don’t have what it takes, being replaced is just an . . . occupational hazard.


I could argue a bad TimeSplitters 3.

2 and 3 are so good though dang



Right it’s 3 I was thinking of. I always mix them up because after a decade of not having thought of them they kinda blend together. I just get this immediate reaction memory of Cortez going “IT’S TIME TO SPLIT” and everyone side-eying him and this game is trying to do that, so hard.

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I hope they make a Matt Hazard 2 with “ironic” microtransactions and even more Topical Jokes And Gags.

This is horrible, can’t wait to see more.

A project so insufferable it had to be split not only between commentators but a dedicated player in a padded room with no verbal contact between these two parties.

I commend the lot of you for your bravery and sacrifice for the prosperity of this great LP nation

hey ODST is my favorite Halo too. Represent.

Can we discuss Halo ODST instead of Matthew Hazard please

There is a point where we needed to stop and we have clearly passed it,

but let’s keep going and see what happens!

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