Bun-Bun Fun: A Bunny Link to the Past

[Joat]

Link Directory (no pun intended, for once)
Part 1 - Hyrule Castle: Wherein Link exploits workplace safety violations. <-- You are here.
Part 2 - Kakariko Village: Wherein Link offers free home renovation.
Part 3 - Eastern Palace: Wherein Link is not good at keeping secrets.
Part 4 - Desert Palace: Wherein Link outsmarts the floor.
Part 5 - Tower of Hera: Wherein Link does not receive any carrots.
Part 6 - Hyrule Castle II: Wherein Link unleashes his most powerful weapon.
Part 7 - Palace of Darkness: Wherein Link goes on a magical mystery tour.
Part 8 - Swamp Palace: Wherein Link demonstrates the superiority of cottontail over cotton.
Part 9 - Skull Woods: Wherein Link discovers that not all carrots are tasty.
Part 10 - Thieves’ Town: Wherein Link saves the day via sunbathing.
Part 11 - Ice Palace: Wherein Link is taunted by an equipment upgrade.
Part 12 - Misery Mire: Wherein Link uncovers a sinister plot.
Part 13 - Turtle Rock: Wherein Link does not gain Tower Shield Proficiency.
Part 14 - Ganon’s Tower: Wherein Link proves that three heads are not better than one net.
Part 15 - The End: Wherein Link fights against the literal darkness.

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Part 1 - Hyrule Castle: Wherein Link exploits workplace safety violations.

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I guess that’s what happens when you put your triforce in the wrong laundry load.

In any case, welcome to…

This hack (and the above image) was made by an artist known online as Ryusuta. Included in her announcement post was a story. But before we get to that, there is something I should disclose: This is a transfer/revamp of a previously-written LP of mine which I posted on, of all places, sites like DeviantArt (I’m too cheap to pay SA’s registration fee and I don’t think the Let’s Play Zone even existed back then). This does mean that, while my commentary may be changed to reflect feedback, the gameplay/screenshots are set in stone, sadly.

Anyway, let’s take a look at the story Ryusuta provided!

Walking and keeping to himself in the fields near Hyrule Castle, a young child named Link hears a distressed cry for help. Running towards the cry, he sees Princess Zelda being imprisoned by the dark priest Agahnim and rushes in in to try to save her. Sadly, the inexperienced child is defeated easily and subdued.

What was Link’s plan?

For his trouble, Agahnim transforms Link into a monster, leaving him in the fields of Hyrule to fend for himself as the new creation of the mage.

I am all for pink, mind, as my avatar probably gave away, but if I were trying to pass someone off as a menacing monster to be feared by society, I would have gone with something different. Perhaps red?

Image by Dolcisprinkles (as a commission for Red, who bought it as a gift to me).

The face of fear incarnate!

As Link lies on the ground, a pouring rain begins to fall. When all hope seems lost, a lone figure approaches, having heard the commotion and taking note of the loose, green tunic that is so familiar.

That does remind me. Where did Link’s hat go when he transforms?

Coming closer, Link’s uncle sets the lantern to the side and scoops the pink rabbit into his arms, confused and fearful for his charge.

As Link lays unconscious, sniffling and shivering on his bed, his uncle looks at the shield and sword hanging on the wall. The dark priest Agahnim has gone to [sic] far.

Given the existence of the canes, presumably named after powerful wizards, not to mention wizzrobes, other wizards exist. How does he know it was Agahnim? Is this his calling card? Maybe it’s his calling card. I know it’d be mine. Maybe there’s some pink bunny refugee camp Link can join.

Taking the sword in his hand, he contemplates what could be done. He’s now the uncle of a monster, but he knows that Link is still Link, no matter what. His nephew…

Something tells me he would be less confident in that assumption if he knew about the fate of the soldiers of the kingdom.

Link’s uncle examines the sharp blade carefully, hesitating only a little. And yet, he had always taught his nephew about courage and compassion. If he wouldn’t protect his family, no one would.

Protect him from what? I mean, the damage is done, right? The biggest threat to him at this point is judgmental townsfolk. Or overly-cuddly gum phoenixes like myself. Wouldn’t the ideal way to protect his nephew be to stay home and guard him?

Meanwhile, Link’s body remains that of a rabbit. As he slowly regains consciousness, he hears a voice in his mind. It’s Princess Zelda, and she is calling to him, begging him to help her.

Link slowly opens his eyes. He knows he is different now, but it doesn’t matter. He has to do the right thing. It’s time to save Princess Zelda, no matter what form he’s in. Thus begins the unusual tale of the hero people least suspect.

And so, the stage is set! Let us begin!

Other than the pinkforce, the title screen and in-game intro story remain uncha… Wait, Golden Power?

BUNNY!

…cough moving on.

Telepathic voice of Zelda: I am a prisoner in the dungeon of the castle. My name is Zelda. The wizard, Aghanim, has done… something to the other girls. Now only I remain…

Uhm… that sounds extra-creepy. Moving right along.

Telepathic voice of Zelda: Aghanim defeated you and transformed you into a monster when you tried to save me…

I do believe I was present for that, yes.

Telepathic voice of Zelda: Please, Link… I am in the dungeon of the castle. Please help me…

Link’s uncle: Don’t panic, but I found you injured in the woods. And well… You seem to have been transformed…

I do believe I noticed that, yes.

Actually, I guess I shouldn’t be hard on him for pointing it out. The protagonist stumbling around thinking they’re still human for a bit happens in more woke-up-transformed stories than not, it feels like, so…

Link’s uncle: I don’t know what is happening, but you should rest and recover.

Bah! I have full health!

Link’s uncle: I’ll be… Well, I MIGHT be home soon…

For that matter, what’s your plan? Okay, sure, you’re at least armed, but I still don’t see how you plan on taking on an entire kingdom and wizard by yourself.

Maybe he’s hoping they’ll be too busy snickering at the pink shield to defend themselves.

Careful not to light your tail!

I know fire is dangerous, but if he somehow manages to light his little puff tail on fire with this, he should probably just stay home and quietly not touch anything ever.

Alright! Here we go! I have my lamp (which, given the lack of magical power or any other armaments, I apparently intend to bludgeon Agahnim to death with) and I’m off to storm the castle!

But first, let’s go talk to the guards!

…Good talk.

Wait, you realize you’re blocking the way away from the castle, right?

Hyrule Mustard Guard: I see you brought a map so you don’t get lost. (Press the X Button to see your map).

Ooh, good tip! Now I can find the castle where the king lives more easily!

Hyrule Mustard Guard: You call yourself a monster? How much can you lift? (Press theA [sic] Button while touching a thing to lift it.)

I believe many of these spelling errors have since been corrected in a later version.

Hyrule Mustard Guard: You want to use a sword? What nonsense! Only humans can press the B Button to use a sword!

Wait, does this mean that Link just asked the guard who suspects he is trying to threaten the king if he can borrow a sword?

Actually, given the intelligence level of this guard thus far, compliance would not have surprised me.

Hyrule Mustard Guard: That mark on your map must be your destination.

You mean that X over the castle’s front doors? Thank you.

Hyrule Mustard Guard: You can often find valuables in chests. (Press the A Button in front of a chest to open it.)

Hyrule’s finest, ladies and gentlemen, teaching Link how to steal other peoples’ stuff!

Oh, I’m sure you do.

Well, I guess I’ll go ahead and progress the plot, now.

Tum dee dum, don’t mind me, just a monster blatantly approaching the castle…

…So, the bush was levitating?

For that matter, how can Link, bunny or otherwise, pluck fully-grown bushes from the ground with his bare paws?

Telepathic voice of Zelda: I know there is a hidden path from outside of the castle to the garden inside.

You don’t say…

Link’s uncle: …Huh…? A princess…? …I suppose you won’t take no for an answer… Very well…

The quest is all about getting the girl? Okay, now I know this Link is a teenager. That would explain why nobody lets Link drive Epona in this game.

Link’s uncle: My sword and shield look a bit big for you, but they will have to do for now…

Well, honestly, the sword seems kinda just the right size for me. For you, on the other paw…

For that matter, were it not for the shape, I would think that shield were a buckler.

Link’s uncle: Link, what matters most is what is in your heart. Take care… … …

Wow, so what matters most is blood? That is SO METAL!

OH GOOD HEAVENS, THOSE EYES!

…cough In any case, yeah, this sprite (and thankfully, thus far, only this sprite) is an unfortunate issue with this rom hack. Link’s right eye looks substantially larger than his left one, which is… not so adorable.

…You’re stiil a cutie the rest of the time, though, Link! Especially with that little pink shield of yours!

…This hostile soldier just walked right past me.

You sure do.

Hooray! I got… my allowance.

Like, seriously, the chest itself is probably worth more than its contents.

ProJared sends his regards, foliage!

Also, a pretty good sword. Most would probably fail to come even close to cleaving a bush like this, or remaining intact for that matter. Then again, Link can lift the bushes without a second thought, so perhaps all the bushes in Hyrule are made of styrofoam.

I am just standing here.

…Eeeyup.

This soldier, upon witnessing the murder of his co-worker via giant anthropomorphic pink bunny, quietly questions what was in his drink rather than attempting to intervene.

The guards are watching ever vigilant.

This. Is. NOT OSHA-COMPLIANT!

Fun fact: From what I can gather, no boomerang meant for combat or hunting can return to the thrower, even if it doesn’t hit anything.

And here, we have one of the soldiers flailing about at the bunny.

Link is unimpressed.

Issa bunny key!

The bunny key is the master key, because bunnies are awesome.

That’s an awful lot of faith to put in him, given his performance last time.

Zelda: Link, listen carefully. When the wizard kidnapped me and transformed you, he took control of all the soldiers in the castle.

I can see several perverted potential applications for this.

I have spent far too much time on the internet, clearly.

Zelda: I fear the worst for my father… The wizard is an inhuman fiend for what he’s done to us!

Is it truly tactful to use “inhuman” as an insult, given present company?

Zelda: All right, let’s get out of here before the wizard notices. I know a secret path, but first we have to go to the first floor. Let’s go!

…So, we’re not going to jump out the window as things explode behind us, then?

You can tell she’s a princess when even her prison cell has valuables in it.

Zelda: preacher there will help us find sanctuary.

Useful here, yes, but I’d imagine the reason it was built would be to allow the royal family to escape in an emergency. Most such theoretical emergencies would probably involve an opposing army having invaded Hyrule, and if they got to the throne room, they’ve pretty much already won the war whether they kill you or not. I doubt a king or queen would be in much position to command from a church when the kingdom is overrun by opposing troops and the Hyrule army has probably been decimated.

Perhaps I am missing something, but this seems like a waste of tax rupees.

Zelda: Can you still grip things? Oh… right! You’re holding a sword and shield. I forgot!

Actually, the real reason that was a silly question is because pushing the shelf doesn’t require gripping things.

Zelda: By the way, do you have a light? It’s pitch dark inside and you can’t see without one. If you’re ready, let’s go! Help me push it from the left!

Every time I saw this line as a child, I wondered what would have happened if I forgot to open the chest at the beginning. I later found out that the lantern would appear in Zelda’s cell chest instead of the blue rupee.

Eat that, food chain!

Zelda: path lead through the sewer waterways… We’re almost there, though! Let’s be careful!

Um, I haven’t stepped in the water yet. Not that it helps. I’m still probably drenched from the trip here.

Anyway, it’s a good thing nobody poops in these sorts of games.

How helpful.

Only one of these switches opens the way forward, by the way. The other drops snakes into the room.

By some particularly loose definitions, perhaps.

Priest: Princess Zelda, did this rabbit save you!?

Unfortunately, his sprite is turned away from the camera, so we cannot tell whether he managed to say that with a straight face or not.

Zelda: Yes, this is Link, and he helped me escape! Though he looks like a monster, he is a true friend… Aghanim is to blame for changing him and imprisoning me! When I was captive the wizard said, “Once I have finished with you, the final one, the seal of the wise men will open.”

“And there is no way in which loudly proclaiming my evil plan to you before putting you in a minimum-security prison cell could possibly backfire!”

“I’ll even put my good-luck rupee in there with you to make sure.”

Zelda: Link, I believe in you. Don’t let the land of Hyrule fall into the wizard’s clutches. If he releases the seal of the seven wise men, evil power will overwhelm this land and others will suffer, too!

Wait, by your wording… Does that mean the land will be full of giant pink bunnies?

Zelda: Before that happens… before it’s too late… destroy the wizard before he destroys all of Hyrule! I just know you can do it!

Destroy it? Why would he want to destroy it? Wouldn’t you want to rule it? I mean, then you would have all the power, wealth, soldiers, politics, paperwork, responsibility…

Okay, point taken.

Priest: If you were once a human I suspect that a great evil has come to this land…

The princess being kidnapped didn’t tip you off?

Priest: Perhaps the legendary Master Sword can be called upon to save us all. It is said that the village elder is a descendant of one of the seven wise men.

That may sound epic in theory, but the seven wise men were from a long time ago, and, well, to quote a character from Digger (which I highly recommend), “I had eight sons. A thousand years ago. You do the math.”

Priest: Maybe he can tell you more… I will mark his house on your map. But watch your every move! I am certain that the castle soldiers will be looking for you now! … … …

Somehow, I am not concerned.

Priest: Not only that, but I have no doubt that many people will fear you in your monster form. I will hide Princess Zelda here. Do not worry! Seek the elder!

I will get right on that!

…Right after I swipe your stuff.

Another fun fact: This cathedral used to have a fancier entrance.

Image courtesy of tcrf.net.

Not sure why Nintendo removed the fancy entrance. It’s a secret to everybody, I guess.

Next

[CommanderKeene]

I recommend resizing your screenshots to 200%. I’m assuming you take them using the emulator’s built-in screenshot tool, which would normally output at base resolution regardless of the size of the emulator window, which leaves a bunch of teeny-tiny images which would be annoying and time-consuming to resize individually.

ImageBatch is designed to batch-process image files and can resize an entire folder’s worth of images in seconds. ImageMagick can do the same, but it requires command-line and batch/shell scripting knowledge, so it’s best used by those with programming experience. I use both regularly in my Wild Arms LP.

[Joat]

Previous <-- An actual link to the past.

Part 2 - Kakariko Village: Wherein Link offers free home renovation.

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By recommendation of CommanderKeene, I shall be altering the screenshot sizes to be double the size of the page their original size. After this part is posted, I shall be retroactively applying this to the first post as well.

In any case, onward!

Thankfully, rescuing the princess changed the weather!

EAT FOLIAGE DEATH!

Anyway, let’s head west.

Well, okay, then, it looks like left is the proper way to go to advance the story!

But eh, I’m feeling contrary.

Oh hey, it’s birds! Let’s go greet the pretty birdies! Greetings, my feather-brothers!

Ow.

Well, fine, then! I didn’t wanna be invited to your tree party ANYWAY! Even if it did look like fun…

Okay, lesson learned. Here, thar be monsters! Like that green, uh… dancing sock thing. Well, let’s kill it just to be safe.

Ow.

Okay, lesson learned. Socks are apparently impervious to man-made weaponry, having been charged with static cling from the dryer. Let’s try this again…

Oh look, issa bush bug!

Eh, it probably doesn’t need it all that badly.

Oh hey, in graditude, it even spits out money!

…And then, suddenly, dead.

So, apparently, a species of bug evolved that naturally has a bush growing out of its back, which, when this bush is plucked from its back, bleeds money and then dies.

…‘Kay!

Eat my greens, sock!

That was the only bush I had. Darn it.

You win this round, dancing sock…

Um… I think that may be a bit difficult to acquire. It may be hard to give the irresistable cute stare to a king whose official status is “eliminated,” according to the intro.

Well, just imagine how it must feel for the tree!

Also, they seem awfully nonchalant about the giant bunny in their midst.

They also look high, so that might explain it.

Lumberjack who’s okay: into the forest!

Wow, the forest sounds dangerous.

That said, next stop is the forest!

Nnnnope. Not really seeing much of a threat from the fog. Except that the humidity may make my fur all soggy or something, I dunno.

Oh hey, issa sword!

I was tempted to post an image of Shigeru Miyamoto, with a trollface overlaid onto his, but nah, I’m too classy for that.

…Oh hush, gum phoenixes are totally classy.

Though, come to think of it, I may have use for this sword yet…

BWAHAHA! Eat that, laundry!

Anyway, northward-bound for I!

Insert UHF reference explaining exactly why I am wary of this idea.

That, and I don’t even have 100 rupees.

That said, time to explore more of the forest!

Leaping down this hole cannot possibly be a bad idea.

Eat that, common sense!

Thief: By the way, I heard that one of our ex-members is staying at the entrance to the Desert.

Well, this guy seems a good enough sport about the random intrusion! Though, given we’re a “monster,” he may just be hoping we’ll take that lead and eat said deserter or something.

I’d say this entrance should be hidden better, but guards seem not to enter this forest at all, so…

Eh, rabbits don’t really eat mushrooms, from what I hear, but I’ll take it anyway. Even though the mushroom is also dancing. So, probably a good idea to not stab it, just in case.

who wants it (Select it and press the Y button).

Because who wouldn’t want something that smells rotten?

Oh hey, a bird that doesn’t want to tear my face off!

Oh, and a sword. Also probably worth noting.

Wow, that’s almost as unreadable as my handwriting. Almost.

But alas, I cannot pull the sword from the stone. Guess this means I can’t rule Britain, then.

Apparently, someone took the time to plant an anti-bunny landmine in the area.

And so, I emerge safely, proving that fog is no match for bunny power.

Ah, the fortune-teller.

He might have difficulty reading the palm of a bunny paw, though, so nah.

Anyway, onward we go, to the village!

…I think you may need to be a bit more specific.

Anyway, while we’re in town, let’s go ahead and rummage through peoples’ houses, because this is the 90’s and we haven’t invented penalties for theft in video games yet!

Elderly woman: These old eyes aren’t what they once were, I guess.

Then how do you know it’s me?

Elderly woman: What’s that? The elder? No one has seen him since the wizard began collecting victims…

Not much of a secret plan, apparently. I guess this explains how Link’s uncle knew so readily who must have turned Link into a bunny.

Elderly woman: What? Master Sword? Well, I don’t remember the details exactly, but…Long ago, a propserous people known as the Hylia inhabited this land… Legends tell of many treasures that the Hylia hid throughout the land…

Like an Easter Egg hunt, appropriately enough.

Elderly woman: The Master Sword, a mighty blade forged against those with evil hearts, is one of them. People say that now it is sleeping deep in the forest… … … …

I wonder what the Master Sword dreams about.

Elderly woman: Anyway, look for the elder. There must be someone in the village who knows where he is. You take care now, Link.

Mister Person Guy: What was their leader’s name… Oh yeah, his name was Blind and he hated bright light a lot.

Not enough to put up some drapes, apparently.

I am an awesome bun.

Anyway, simple money from these chests.

I DIDN’T FULLY THINK THROUGH THIS IDEAAAAaaaaaaaaa…

Well, at least it turned out alright.

This can only end well.

Death via cave-in in 3… 2…

When I think on it, in the context of the game world, what is this thing? Like, when someone in the game world sees this and asks what its function is, what description do they receive? Are the people of Hyrule aware of life bars?

Am I overthinking this? I may be overthinking this.

Like, I could store a soldier in it or something?

…Whaaat? I’d put air holes in the lid!

Bottle Seller: Think of all the delicious pickled carrots you could store!

Given that, from what I hear, vinegar is used to prevent rabbits from chewing on stuff sometimes, I think you should try a different selling point.

Bottle Seller: I’ve got one on sale now for the low, low price of 100 Rupees! What do you say? Interested?

Wow. 100? Really? I mean, as a note, a common bottle in this world is barely cheaper than a dose of magical potion strong enough to heal all wounds, and a blue rupee was enough to warrant a chest all to itself two times now.

Well, he’s the only seller, so…

Bottle Seller: Thanks a lot! Now, hold it above your head for the whole world to see, OK? It’s good for business!

He knows a good company mascot when he sees one!

Magic how? I don’t think I have seen any use for it that requires it to be magical instead of normal, unless the magic is how one explains how the bottle can hold fairies. I guess that would explain the price tag, at least.

Why isn’t he trying to sell me the pottery, though?

Ryusuta goofed somewhere during the hacking, it seems. I wonder if this has been fixed yet in a later version.

Other elderly woman: too friendly to do something like that.

Even friendlier than grass-stained dancing laundry?

Oh dear. This wall is really cracked. Someone should really correct that.

There! One bomb later, no more cracked wall!

Come baaack, I’m too cute to be afraid of!

Oh well. Let’s go into that upper-right house!

Don’t sleep in, you’ll miss the bunny!

Sick kid: from the evil air that is coming down from the mountain… Sniff sniff…

Evil causes the common cold, apparently.

Sick kid: I have a bug-catching net, but I can’t use it until I’m better.

Don’t worry, the developers couldn’t use a bug-catching net either, clearly.

Okay, I shan’t be too hard on them, as pretty much every piece of software has bugs, discovered or otherwise. But hey, the pun was right there, I’m not gonna pass it up.

Sick kid: …You’d like to borrow it? Sure, but bring it back later, OK Mr. Bunny?

Proof that being adorable can get people to trust you with their stuff!

too.

Not goo, though. I’d need a bigger net for that.

Next, let’s enter the building below, back door first.

Someone apparently stuffed a chicken under this pot. Somehow.

Well, at least it’s not springing some “Roof Repair Charge” thing on me.

Larceny is fun!

Anyway, let’s head in through the front next. Even though I am underage (I think) and should not be let in, because this is clearly a bar.

Drinking man: hill where the river begins… Link, you should meet her at least once. I’m sure you will like her.

Does she give free belly rubs?

Also, I am surprised. He is clearly drinking wine in an SNES game.

Old man: Golden Power and has not returned… … … I wonder where he is and what he is doing now?.. … Zzzzzz Zzzzzz

Okay, I know one person in here has the excuse of probably being drunk and the other is barely awake, but given that only three people in the entire village seem alarmed by Link’s presence and only two actually contact the guards if they see him (telepathically, apparently, given how instantly they show up), I do not think Aghanim’s plan is working very well.

Anyway, let’s continue exploring the village!

I think whoever lives here may have some yardwork that needs doing.

I can see why it would be overgrown, considering this guy is apparently so lazy that he has six beds.

Lazy guy: I’m glad to have company to talk to.

Yes, I can understand why someone might have difficulty visiting if they happened to have left their machete at home.

This building can only be entered via explosions. Is this Princess Pitch’s house?

…Perhaps not. These pots are still intact.

Well, they were, at least.

Though I found four bombs in the pots, so maybe my theory holds water after all. Except maybe not, since she makes things explode with bricks and piledrivers, not bombs.

Dancing laundry is one thing, but a child sitting in one spot being quiet and well-behaved for this long is just plain absurd.

It’s always lovely to have recognition of my talents.

Child: tell any of the bad monsters about this. He’s hiding in the palace past the castle. I will mark the spot on your map. Here you are…

You must be quite the attention-seeker if your hiding spot is in a palace.

“Curses! This impenetrable bush has halted my progress!”

Don’t worry, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

Anyway, let us head to the southern part of the village.

I’m beginning to think they were getting lazy when time came to make this part of the village.

Must the village’s collection of knowledge be so out-of-the-way?

Sure, there’s probably no printing press in this setting, but this is the only library in the entire kingdom, apparently, so you’d still think there’d be more books in here.

Whoever chose to live way out here must wish to be left alone. Let’s barge right in uninvited, shall we?

That’s an odd name for him. Is he a bunny, too?

Bunny’s brother: I sealed the door to his room.

I shall not stand for a fellow bunny being sealed away like that!

But that’s not a bunny…

Rabbit, actually. Yes, there are differences between the two. For example, I am genetically superior when it comes to racing tortoises.

Not a bunny: Is he offering you as an apology?

scoffs I am my own rabbit, good sir!

How did you get here, lass?

“For no apparent reason and free of charge!”

I played this game so much as a child, I still remember the route decently well. Not that it’s difficult, mind, but still.

Prize person: You qualified! Congratulations! I present you with a piece of Heart!

Considering that it increases the health of the user and is exceedingly rare, that is incredibly generous, I must say. A nice reward for exploration, mind, but still.

Anyway, now to head east.

Nope.

Alright, time to head off to the palace! Though, first…

Hooray for profitable vandalism!.

Next

[Joat]

I know double-posting is generally frowned upon, at least in many forums I’ve been to, but I do wish to respond to this because I have something helpful to add. For the second part, I decided to go ahead and do the double-sizing of images via macro (since I’m actually working from a Word document I have these stored in). But then, when I was editing the first post, I realized that actually this was unnecessary. The images do not need to be resized before upload, but can in fact be resized afterward, by editing this part of the image notation:

![image|___x___]

The image displayed will be rescaled to whatever you specify when posting. So I do think it would be best to do the resizing in this manner, as smaller base images take up less space both where they are saved on one’s local computer and on the LP Zone’s server. Plus, they load faster.

[CommanderKeene]

I seriously recommend resizing the images before uploading them. It looks like LPZone applies an upscaling filter to images it upscales, which for SNES games is generally considered ugly. Notice how there’s a slight blur on the screenshots in your updates? That’s the Bicubic filter in action (I think; I’m not an expert on image formats and upscaling filters). You generally want to upscale using the Nearest Neighbor filter for a crisper, cleaner image.

This is an example screenshot from my own ongoing LP, Wild Arms. This shot is at the game’s native resolution of 320x220 (technically 350x240, but there’s a small black border I crop out before doing anything with the images).

This is the same screenshot resized to 200% (640x440) using Nearest Neighbor scaling. Notice that there’s no blurring, and that the image is a pixel-perfect double-size of the original.

This is the same screenshot resized to the same resolution using Bicubic scaling. I used the exact same base image for this as I did for the other example, but this one is much blurrier.

As for image size, I obviously don’t know how the backend of the LP Zone forums works, but I have some experience programming, so I can give a couple of possibilities.

The first possibility is that it does all the upscaling when you upload a screenshot. This is what I consider most likely. This means that yes, you don’t have to store the upscaled images on your hard drive, which will save you space, but on the LP Zone’s and your readers’ end, it means literally nothing. The LP Zone servers are still storing and displaying the full-size image, which means no savings on storage space or bandwidth.

The second is that the servers store the images at the size you upload them, but the forums software applies the upscaling for each reader on the fly. This would save on storage space, but it would make the images load slower than storing the full-size images because the forums software has to apply this upscaling to every image as it’s loading. The result is technically smaller images sizes on the server, but more loading time when reading.

And how much space are you really saving? Bicubic filters are designed to make visually complex images look better when upscaled by softening edges. It’s not designed for space efficiency, nor is it designed for visually simple images like retro games. To continue the examples I gave above, the base image for those screenshots is 22.4 KB in size. The one resized using Nearest Neighbor is 32.3 KB; it’s an increase of a hair less than 10 KB in size, or slightly less than 1.5x the size of the base image, due to the png compression algorithm being designed to handle large continuous areas of color. The Bicubic example? It’s 157 KB in size. It’s more than five times the size of the image resized using Nearest Neighbor, and almost eight times the size of the base image. Why does this happen? It’s because when the Bicubic filter adds that blurriness to the image, it blends colors together, making the image compress far worse using the png compression algorithm.

EDIT: Maybe it’s not the forum adding an upscaling filter after all; I just noticed that you’re using jpg, not png for your image files. Using png images looks like it’ll probably be the best method here; for retro games like this, png is the more space-efficient format. Jpgs are great for photos, but it’s not a lossless image format and doesn’t compress simple images quite as well as the png format.

[Joat]

I already have the LP in a .docx format (albeit in a far less image-efficient format - I tended to use screenshots for ALL dialogue back then, when a simple text completion for dialogue would do, and my LP tragically lacked the phrase “Hyrule Mustard Guard” for quite some time as a result) and had been copying and pasting from said document for convenience, so up to now, whether the image has been .png or .jpg has been up to MIcrosoft Word to decide. I can fix this in the future by pasting directly from the screenshots folder rather than from the LP document.

That said, the forum is not automatically applying any filter to the image to resize it. In the second part, I resized the images before uploading them. If you open the image in a new tab, it will look the same. But if you right click on and open a screenshot image from the first post (where I realized I could specify the size in the forum post itself), you will notice that the image is, in reality, much smaller. The image isn’t saved on the server in a resized state, but rather it’s resized by specifying the width and height in the img tag. The browser does the rest from there. Mind, in that case, whether the browser decides to use bicubic scaling is out of my control, but I am most certainly saving space by this method, because it is in fact a smaller image that the browser simply makes look larger.

[Joat]

Previous

Part 3 - Eastern Palace: Wherein Link is not good at keeping secrets.

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I just realized you can specify alt text for images too, so I’ll go ahead and do that for any blind people who may be reading this. I doubt many such would read a screenshot LP, but hey, just in case.

Anyway, now time to head on out. Let’s check the map!

I AM OFFICIALLY TAKING HIM HOME WITH ME!

cough Er, in any case, let’s head east, since that’s where the tiny red X is (it’s easier to see outside of screenshots, because it’s flashing). I’ll go ahead and use the route starting from the southern end of the village.

Oh hey, it’s a BLUE soldier! I wonder if this one’s any more skilled!

…Not really. Though, to be fair, this one withstood three hits instead of two, which means that hylian blacksmiths have finally mastered making armor with about half the protective power of a peasant’s green tunic.

Anyway, let’s explore the grove above those bushes!

BUNNIES!

Quite interesting, a flute player out in this grove for some reason, whose flute playing is enough to attract all manner of animals. Including me, it seems! And a red chocobo.

Was it something on my breath?

Oh good heavens, I vaporized him…

Oh well. Moving on!

Oh hey, this is the screen directly to the left of the one my house is on! Going here when I am a wanted criminal can in no way be a bad idea.

I come prepared.

Yes, I went south because of east, because I think you should know by now that staying on task is not how I operate.

So many archers. Why are there so few locations where they are common like this?

Oh hey, I found, uh… a thing?

Ah, so it’s a dam!

Let’s try pulling a switch! What’s the worst that could happen?

Oh.

Oops?

Actually, I now don’t care. Totally worth it!

Anyway, further East!

Oh hey, a wall, let’s blow this one up, too!

Thief: So long, and thanks for all the fish!

Poor guy, he’s delirious from lack of food… but he’s also rich and gave me 300 rupees, so all’s well that ends well!

That said, I should probably just loot the chests and get outta here before he remembers that rabbit meat is edible.

And get healed, because my performance in the pre-rich-guy room full of monsters was honestly quite embarrassing.

And here we have fabulous fireball-flinging fish-folk. Frightening.

Oh, hey, it’s a… thing…

…Which explodes into other things that bounce around…

Moving oooon…

Oh hey, a cave opening! And a thing that will be a cave opening by the time I’m done with it, because I may have an addiction to making things go boom.

Well, at this rate, it’s a good thing the game keeps throwing bombs at me. Though it’s an even better thing that it doesn’t light them before doing so, I suppose.

Ah, yes, fairies. As a child, these were pretty much the only thing I ever used my jars for. At this point in the game, they’re definitely my best option. Not only do they trigger automatically, which is one thing that the red and blue potions can never achieve, but fairies heal for seven hearts, meaning that the red potion, which heals the drinker to full health, does not yet have any advantage over a fairy.

And, of course, the teaser.

And, yes, you may have noticed my bomb counter in this screenshot is one higher (actually, you probably didn’t, because it’s hard to read in that screenshot). I loaded a save state by mistake and had to do the pre-rich-guy cave of monsters all over again and did it without a scratch and, thus, without having to go and bomb the cave entrance that leads to the big fairy. Yes, I use save states for this run, but I do so for the sake of not having to redo a half-hour’s worth of work if I forget to capture something important in a screenshot.

Anyway, going past that bombable wall from earlier, I can easily receive the ice rod.

And this, my friends, is why I choose fairies over the blue or green potion. Yeah, sure, both of said fully restore magic, but there aren’t really a whole lot of points where I will want to use the Ice Rod, which is just about the only thing I use magic power for at this poin in the game. The Ice Rod freezes enemies, but I already have the boomerang, which can temporarily stun a fair variety of enemies for a bit. I caught onto the situational nature of the ice rod in my youth, too, where I’d get it just to have it, but would never actually use it.

Anyway, onward to the Eastern Palace! And don’t worry, I haven’t forgotten about the witch’s hut and the mushroom. I am simply saving it for later.

Alright! Time to enter the palace! Which looks more like ruins from here, but oh well.

Does this really qualify as “in the palace”? Isn’t this more adjacent to the palace? I mean, unless this tiny, unimpressive thing is the palace, and that giant building to the right is unrelated.

Now I have the mental image of Link giving a quick bow to the elder, then saying “Greetings, elder-san!”

Sahasrahla: I am, indeed, Sahasrahla, the village elder and a descendent [sic] of the seven wise men.

…I’ll just call you Saha, for short, thank you. That name does not really roll off any tongue, human or leporine.

Sahasrahla: … Well, I’ll be! To think a little rabbit like you is searching for the sword of evil’s bane! And yet, it is no ordinary weapon.

Well, I kinda suspected such. I already have an ordinary weapon on hand. Paw. Whatever.

Sarsaparilla: Legends say only the Hero who has won the three pendants can wield the sword. … … …

Dramatic paaaause…

Sassafras: And yet, you still wish to

If I were more popular, I’d be tempted, however briefly, to stop this section of the LP here and end with a poll on which of these two options I should pick.

Salsa, Rah Rah!: Very well. If you are sincere, retrieve the Pendant Of Courage from the East Palace. If you bring it here, I will tell you more of the legend and give you a magical artifact. Farewell, Link!

I don’t know what getting Courage the Cowardly Dog merch has to do with any of this, but hey, free stuff!

In any case, I’m off to storm the palace!

Eep, the statues are after meeee!

These statues, thankfully, are not.

The adventure truly begins! This is it, troops! ONWAAAA…

Oh. Well… that’s awfully inconvenient. Alright, then. Let’s try the door on the right!

I am really beginning to think the architects had either too much or too little time on their hands.

Ah, thar we be!

Oh look, it’s… seaweed?

Fortunately, seaweed isn’t very hard to dispatch and that pressure plate to move on isn’t very hidden, so onward we go!

And now, there are black orbs rolling along the floor. And there’s no other way forward, so I guess I’m going to be on the receiving end of a rousing game of Bowling for Bunnies.

Ah, skeletons. They just don’t make ‘em like Fortesque, anymore, do they?

Anyway, nowadays, I have an easy time against these. A simple spin attack does well against these. Way back when, though, these were a PAAAIN…

Also, a lovely thing is, if you find yourself surrounded, you can simply swing your sword and problem solved, because they jump away when you do that.

The bunch of red orbs with the skull in the middle… It’s rather humorous to visualize how silly it would like if it existed in real life.

Usually, that’s a sign that the walls are about to pelt me with arrows or something. Or that those doors will never open from the inside.

Suddenly, skeletons poofed in. I’m kinda disappointed, actually, that the skeletons did not form from the bones below.

Well, that’s an odd thing for Saha to say.

Okay, I should actually explain this. Ryusuta’s changes to the dialogue made the total amount of dialogue in the game longer. However, there is a limited amount of space for that, so, to compensate, she removed the dialogue from these panels. She has stated an intention to remove the panels entirely in some future revision.

I wonder if the dialogue from the Chris Houlihan room was changed, as well. I’ll go ahead and check.

Indeed, it was!

By the way, in case you’re wondering, the easiest way to get here is to drop down a hole while the Pro Action Replay code 7E010E82 is active. For those who have no idea what this is, TCRF offers a good explanation.

Telepathy Tile: Keep it between us, OK?)

…

*posts this anyway*

Oh good heavens, these guys are a pain to fight. Unlike the red version, killable without a bow (throwing a pot at them will also kill them), but still completely immune to all damage until you get close and wake them up. Bleh.

I almost never used this as a child, due to limited ammo, but now I’ll likely use it more oft. After all, why have it if it is almost never used? And, well, the bow is a very useful item!

Brave, oh brave sir Link…

I used to do this oft as a child, as well. The first time, I think I fought them off, but afterward, I figured, why bother? The door’s right there.

As a child, I would oft take these on with my sword only. Which is not fun, since they’re so resistant to a sword. Or necessary, since these rooms are very generous with arrows, for reasons soon to be made clear.

I’d brag about my experience in bullet hell games serving me well here, but honestly, I don’t think I EVER got hit in this room, even as a child. MAYBE once. Maybe.

Ah, and of course, the red ones. These ones outright require arrows to kill. But, hey, only two, so not so bad.

Alright, this is it. You can tell it’s the room before the boss because the game was generous enough to give 20 arrows via those pots.

…And these guys are why. Sure, one can fight them with a sword, but they don’t take as much damage from that as a bow, not to mention they are harder to hit with a sword. So, best to use a bow. I am guessing the only reason they are damaged by a sword at all is to avoid rendering the battle unwinnable in the event of running out of arrows.

However, once the enemies are reduced to one, the last one turns red and repeatedly jumps up and tries landing on the bunny, because I guess it figures the fluff would make a comfy seat.

For this part, again, the bow deals more damage, but personally, I find it easier to use the sword, since the bow does take a bit of time to fire and, well, the enemy is going to be in melee range, anyway.

And suddenly, raining hearts!

Apparently, courage is green. Considering that Link, who wears green, is often associated with such, I guess I can see the reasoning on that.

“You’re next, ceiling.”

Sahasrah Llama: Three or four generations ago, an order of knights protected the royalty of the Hylia. These Knights of Hyrule were also guardians of the Pendant of Courage.

“Meanwhile, the other pendants were left unguarded because nobody cared about them.”

Saha (I ran out of ideas): Unfortunately, most of them were destroyed in the great war against evil that took place when the seven wise men created their seal. Among the descendants of the Knights of Hyrule a hero must appear.

…I see. Link, I believe you.

Well, he took that news surprisingly calmly.

Saha: You should get the remaining Pendants. And carry this with you. This is a treasure passed down by the families of the wise men. I want you to have it.

He gives you the Pegasus Boots! Now you can execute a devastating dash attack!

Okay, yeah, that’s nice, but I know what I really want to do with these…

Saha: A helpful item is hidden in the cave on the east side of Lake Hylia. Get it!

Shiny?

Saha: Other relatives of the wise men are hiding from the evil wizard’s followers. You should find them.

Do not worry! Nobody can hide from the adorabunny!

Oh, by the way, I did not know this as a child, but…

Some walls can be broken by dashing into them!

Anyway, time to go ahead and close this off. But first, one last bit of business…

YOU CANNOT ESCAPE THE CUUUUUTE!

Next

[Joat]

Previous

Part 4 - Desert Palace: Wherein Link outsmarts the floor.

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I’ve decided to go ahead and revert to pasting images from the document rather than the screenshots folder. Yes, they may be slightly lower quality this way, but the screenshot folder method takes significantly longer.

Anyway…

I have boots, but good sir, how are you so fast?

Dashing young man: You don’t seem like such a terrible monster, though… Anyway, because you have such quick feet, it might be a good idea to run and bash into many things…

Is he trying to trick me into getting a concussion?

Dashing young man: For example, the trees in this village have many useful things hanging in their branches… Well, just try it, OK?!

…I think this is his way of politely disengaging from conversation with the bunny.

Anyway, on to the next palace!

Oh hey, it’s a guy! I wonder what he has to say.

A guy: …

Heeeyy… That’s Link’s line!

Sign: Pay no attention to the average middle-aged man standing by this sign. Leave him alone!

Of course. Signs, signs. Everywhere a sign. “Do this.” “Don’t do that.” Bah!

Oh well, I guess it’s at least a reasonable enough…

Sign: (Especially bunnies!)

…

That’s what you get for defying the will of the cuteness!

A guy: Lousy thieving rabbits… Mumble… mumble…

This does make me curious about this guy’s backstory. Did a rabbit kidnap his parents when he was a kid, or something?

And now, he’s following me! Despite his grumpy exterior, it seems that, among the things I stole from him, at the top of the list is his heart.

I’m honestly not sure what this vulture’s plan of attack is. It just ends up circling me until I kill it, and I never really give it time to do anything else. Is its plan genuinely to just circle around me until I die from other causes?

Also, landmines tend to be a bit more effective when HIDDEN.

…Ah, right, time to hit the books!

Engraving: way will be opened to he who is sincere.

Then how did all the monsters get in? No offense to them, but they don’t strike me as the praying sort. Though I suppose they do seem the sincere…ly hungry sort.

Bunny Link, live on stage!

Next question. How do I get out?

…Okay, I know bunnies are typically prey, but getting eaten by architecture? Really?

Ah, yes, this thing. It shoots lasers when the eye spots Link. Alright, fair enough, but here’s a question: How does one explain collision damage, in the case of this inert statue?

I know I should probably be intimidated, but… Why make a sand worm thing in a light blue color, exactly?

I think this dungeon needs some medicine; it’s puking up bunnies.

On another note, it turns out the ice rod one-hit-kills these sand worms! Quite nice, considering they can be a bit of an annoyance and, well, what else am I using it or my magic power for?

Remember, kids: When next something is up too high for you to reach, just ram face-first into whatever it’s on top of. What’s the worst that could happen?

If I were a fairy, I think I would live somewhere else.

Huh. You find seaweed in the strangest places, these days…

Again, nothing to a danmaku veteran.

Okay, so I wan’t exactly playing on the highest difficulty in those games, but it was far more difficult than this.

Anyway, this leads to the bunny key, yay!

carry stones now!

I love the Power Baseball Glove. It’s so bad.

Oh magical 8-stone, will I defeat Ganon?

“Ask again later.”

Oh no, the floor tiles are coming out to kill me. Whatever shall I doooo…?

Well, just standing here seems to be working pretty well, so I guess I’ll keep doing that.

How ominous, the floor tiles uprooted themselves in the pattern of a, uh… thing?

I didn’t get a screenshot of it at the time, but I managed to somehow avoid being shot by a statue eye laser by being in the middle of a spin attack when it hit me. I’m not sure exactly how that is supposed to work, but I shan’t complain.

I’ve always found it amusing that it creates an 8 before finishing the tile pattern.

And thus, a secret entrance is opened, once again proving that lighting things on fire solves everything.

Interesting boss fight, though odd they don’t incorporate the dungeon’s treasure anywhere into it. I just gotta use my sword to kill these sand worms.

Wait… sand worms…

AHAHAHAHA TREMBLE IN FEEEEAR!

Ultimately, I finished the fight with my last bit of magic. I do believe that counts as an epic moment. Or me being a terrible shot for most of the fight.

Go for the last one!

I would have colored power red, personally. It just feels more right, really.

And now, to go on toward the last pendant!

Oh hey, I missed this cave before.

Descendant of wise men: veins…

By definition, wasn’t it most definitely in my veins since I’d rescued Princess Zelda and was thus a hero at that point? Or is he referring to a specific hero? If so, that specific hero isn’t very… specific.

I still wonder how these heart pieces keep getting in these places, but I shan’t complain.

Excuse me, sir. Could you kindly explain how you got in here and how you had intended to get out? Do you have one of those super baseball gloves, too?

Thief: Check out the cave east of Lake Hylia. Strange and wonderful things live in it…

Like fish?

One bout of smashing a whole bunch of pots later, I find myself at max rupees. I should probably go find somewhere to spend it.

No.

Oh hey, the graveyard! Hard to believe I didn’t mention this in part two. This was pretty much always one of the first places I visited, as a child, whenever I first exited the sanctuary.

But hey, a good thing I waited, because now I can lift the stones to get to this gravestone!

…It was a trap.

A very ineffective one, sending me back to the end of the sewers.

But hey, now that I am back, I can open up these bomb walls that I couldn’t earlier!

…Or I could just bash into them. This is the first time I’ve played since I found out that was an option, so this is kinda weirdly satisfying, in a way. I mean, this was always a key moment I remembered as a child, finally opening this up, and now, I added something new to it.

And also I am a bunny, now. So, that also helps.

Pretty neat rewards, too! Mainly in the form of that center chest giving 300 rupees. The left one gave bombs. And yes, I reloaded from a save state after I realized I had just opened a 300 rupee chest when I am at max capacity. I normally wouldn’t use states for such a purpose, but… bleh. I don’t have time to reload from the last proper save and do stuff all over again just to avoid wasting 300 rupees.

I’m sure they’re probably very confused about this.

This is something that has always confused me. I can destroy a pile of these stones with the pegasus boots, but one stone requires the glove. Why are several of these stones more of an obstacle than just one? I guess maybe that 8 on the top of the stone is pretty vital to a stone’s structural integrity.

Speaking of 8, almost to that many hearts, so that’s exciting. Ish.

Oh hey, there was a bug under this rock! Makes sense, I suppose.

Sorry bug, but at least your death was not in vain. The war effort against socks thanks you.

Anyway, that said, not entering that cave yet. I’ve got some more unfinished business, first.

Next

[sethimothy]

Logging in simply to cheer you on! I am interested in where this romhack takes the game!

[Joat]

Previous

Part 5 - Tower of Hera: Wherein Link does not receive any carrots.

Blockin’ out the scenery, breakin’ your mind…

Mild-Tempered Witch of the Northeast: Heh heh…

…Why did you start the brew if you don’t have all the ingredients? And what’s so funny, anyway?

In any case, one giving-a-mushroom later…

Mild-Tempered Witch of the Northeast: heh heh… Why thank you, little rabbit! Always could trust a monster to be polite to an old lady!

Like that sock to the left of here? Does it dance for you from time to time?

Mild-Tempered Witch of the Northeast: Come back to the shop for something good… Heh heh…

Heh heh…

Anyway, while we wait, time to visit Lake Hylia at long last!

Must be quite the tourist attraction, given that only those with the Power Glove can access it.

Maybe this is a subtle hint from Nintendo. Those who buy the Power Glove shall have all of their wishes come true…

Walking fish people are kinda weirdly adorable. Only kinda, though.

And when you knock them into the water, they turn into normal fish. Somehow.

And suddenly, massive whirlpool! Then massive splash, which I forgot to screenshot.

Image from The Simpsons, modified by I’ve-forgotten-who.

King Zora: Why would a bunny want to get all soaked just to come here?

“Oh, and also have to endure my entire fish army trying to kill you.”

King Zora: Wah ha ha! Don’t be absurd! Do you know how silly you’d look trying to swim!?

In turn, do you know how silly you look trying to talk?

I mean, seriously, his mouth makes him look more like a theme park ride entrance than a living being.

King Zora: Besides, they’re not cheap! I wouldn’t sell them for less than 500 a pair!

Okay, with the bottle, I can sorta understand. It’s magic and can hold fairies. But why are flippers so expensive? How does he expect to do any business? For that price, I’d expect these flippers to allow me to run on water like a ninja or something.

For that matter, why does he have them? Do fish people need artificially-made flippers for whatever reason?

Maybe that’s the story behind the walking ones. They’re the lower-class fish people who couldn’t afford flippers.

King Zora: Wah ha ha! Well, I could use a laugh! Very well! Oh, and if you’re THAT brave, I will let you use the magic water ways of the sea folk which link lakes and rivers. When you see a whirlpool, dive into it. Just try to dry your fur afterwards! Wah ha ha!

Well, I guess that justifies the cost. Sort of. I mean, not nearly as convenient as imprisoning fairies against their will, but oh well.

(Try not to imagine how silly you must look while swimming.)

Honestly, I thought human Link swimming kinda looked silly, so I’m used to it by now.

Also, I looked it up and, honestly, a rabbit swimming looks no more silly than, say, a dog swimming, but I think we’ve already established by now that this guy is very easy to amuse. And, yes, rabbits can swim. Except Link until now, apparently. And Link also can’t hop, it seems.

…Okay, maybe fish guy was a LIIITTLE right. He looks adorably silly though, so it’s okay.

But still, now I can swipe the piece of heart they put on display in their domain!

Anyway, now to enter the Waterfall of Wishing! I imagine the thing most people wish for when they get here is that the flippers they had to buy to get here weren’t so expensive.

Funnily enough, I don’t think money is on the list. Y’know, the thing normally people would throw in a well to make a wish.

At the time I was playing, I figured the only thing worthwhile to throw in right now was the boomerang. It was only later that I remembered another option.

I could understand if the fairy seemed scolding, but why would Link lie about it under these circumstances?

…Then again, why would he, in-universe, have thrown it in to begin with?

Fairy: What an honest little creature! I will give you something better in return.

You got the Magical Boomerang! You can throw this faster and farther than your old one!

I can understand the moral lesson here, but I don’t really understand the delivery. I think it would have worked better if she asked which item you dropped, a boomerang or the more powerful magic boomerang. Or something. Point is, there’s no reason for Link to lie here, even greed.

What could possibly go wrong?

Anyway, let’s try it out on the sock and truly put it in its…

…Uh…

Po-tay-to: Tra a la, look for Sahasrahla. … … …

You mispronounced Sands Rolex.

Po-tah-to: Oh yah, you found Sahasrahla! … … … Good job la la!

Mr. Potato Head: The Musical.

Alright, so, in the center of Lake Whatsitsname, we have a cave wherein you can drop rupees, a bit at a time, into a pond to increase your “happiness.” In this case, that translates out to increasing your max bombs and/or arrows. That this translates to happiness says perhaps unflattering things about Link’s psyche.

And mine! I’ll go ahead and go get those 300 rupees so I can be EXTRA happy!

…Yeah, for the first time, they don’t let one throw much at once. And you have to wait a bit before throwing more. And you need to throw 100 per increase.

Happiness increased 20 Rupees. In total, your happiness is 20. You became happier by one step.

Hooray for happiness grinding.

Or I could just blow stuff up. That makes me happy.

Of the two, I’ll mainly use arrows. Very rarely do I use bombs as weapons due to how impractical they are to use and they are plentiful enough that I never run out of bombs for walls, even before I knew some walls can just be bashed into. Arrows, meanwhile, are a highly practical weapon, when I can aim.

Much better.

For reference, today you will have

A bunch of carrots!

You mean the carrots I could have bought with the money I just threw in?

Also, fun fact: If you have a pet rabbit, it’s a bad idea to give it a carrot as anything more than an occasional treat. Sadly, a fair chunk of rabbit owners are not aware of this.

Increased arrow max to 70, the highest it will go.

Not-troll under the bridge: Ugh… a rabbit? Look, if I give you this thing will you leave me be?

This is a Magic Bottle! You can store an item inside and then use it later!

Hooray for pestering people!

In any case, time to enter Death Mountain. Presumably host to a number of iron, gold, and/or silver mines, because that name is pretty metal.

Old Man: I don’t know who you are, but if you are going to go up to the mountain, will you take me with you? I lost my lamp, so…

It’s a good thing I got here so quick. Had I taken longer, I’d probably be dismissed as a hunger-induced hallucination. Or a snack.

So it seems.

Old Man: Little bunny, are you also going to the mountain to look for the Golden Power?

A fair assumption, since I cannot think of any other reason a rabbit would scale this mountain.

Old Man: Just ahead is a mountain full of monsters. Many people have vanished in this mountain while looking for the Golden Power. I don’t want to steer you wrong, so please don’t get too involved in such a mad quest.

If the mountain is so dangerous, why do you live there?

Old Man: age…

How can you tell my age?

Old Man: The King took her to the castle and she never returned. Kidnapping those maidens must be part of the wizard’s plot! I’m sure he is trying to somehow use the power of the descendants of the wise men…

And now, squirrel… things.

Which turn to stone upon hitting them, for whatever reason. Admittedly a pretty effective self-defense strategy.

Old Man: I wait for that day… Uhh… These are dangerous times… I talked too much.

I’d say he did, considering we’re out in the middle of a bunch of falling boulders, except that the boulders are not currently moving. I guess talking really is a free action.

Old Man: Anyway, thank you for your kindness to an old human like me. Uhh… I wanted to give you this. If you wander into a magical transporter, gaze into this mirror.

Oddly specific instructions. Something tells me he knows more than he is letting on…

Oh well. Item get!

He gave you the Magic Mirror! This mirror is blue, clear, and beautiful… It reminds you of your old human form, somehow… You feel like it is going to absorb you into another world…

And, once this cutscene of him entering the cave ends, I get an instant boulder to the face.

Dark World. To complete your quest, you will need the Moon Pearl, which is in the tower on top of the mountain. All I can do for you now is to comfort your weariness… Come back here any time.

I think this anytime-healing was an anti-frustration feature because of all the boulders.

While there is some cave past this, it’s basically just a bunch of bats and pots, with the cave exit leading out here. Higher up than before, so it is a good way to bypass some of the boulders.

Anyway, onward and upward!

Quite the view. Also quite interesting, these glowing blue stone… crystal… things.

Time to get sidetracked!

But, alas, only a fairy pool lies at the end of this path. Though, that is useful, since I have one empty bottle.

And here we are!

Just sitting out here, unloved and alone. Don’t worry, piece of heart. I’ll take good care of you.

Giving me the silent treatment, eh, Saha?

Well, that was an anticlimactic cave.

Ooh look, issa thing!

Shiiiinyyyy…

…Well, this is awkward.

For starters, why do you get to keep your clothes?

Goblin thing: I came here to get the Power of Gold but now I’m a freak and I can’t go back to the real world! If only I had the Moon Pearl from the Tower of Hera, I cold go back to my original shape! I’ve got good reason to be stressed out! So back off! Shoo shoo!

Armless Kirby: Oh? Who are you, Mr. Bunny? This world is like the real world, but evil has twisted it. The Golden Power is what changed your shape to reflect what is in your heart and mind.

Well, Link is a teenager, as we’ve established, so I guess the nature of the change shouldn’t be too surprising.

Armless Kirby: I am always changing my mind, so I turned into a ball… But if you have a ball called the Moon Pearl, you can keep your original shape here.

This sprite works, yes, though surprisingly, I think Link is more adorable with the tunic on. That said, I think a white belly would have been a nice touch, and would have added both more visual variety to these sprites and, well, I think it would have made this form cuter. I would quite recommend that for a future revision, though I imagine that would also require a palette revision, so not sure how practical it would be.

Also, again, quite the view!

Flashing disco castle: Proving that evil lairs are all the rave.

I quite like these visuals, really.

They’re laughing at me…

Well, I may as well go ahead and look at myself naked in the mirror, as long as I’m…

Oh.

Hop!

I must give the ancient Hylians credit; they are remarkably non-cryptic about their ancient writings.

Anyway, onward!

Ah yes, the switches. To change which color is raised or lowered, strike the switch, because all the best mechanisms are operated by violence.

The fact that this happens does help to encourage the player to think about how to activate a switch at range, so, nice little design touch, there.

Speaking of design, I do not think I would have ever thought of these floor panels that change where the holes are. It’s strange, yet effective.

Oh, that wacky Saha…

Ack! I can’t just stand in the doorway this time!

I’M SORRY I TAUNTED THE FLOOR TILES HELP MEEEEE!

Sassy Crawla: Whoever holds the Moon Pearl is protected from the power of the Dark World. The Dark World amplifies the transformaton you already went through, so you need the Moon Pearl’s protection to maintain your human soul and abilities!

Wait, this affects the soul, too?

Golden Power.

Ah, the Moon Pearl, freshly harvested from the Moon Clam.

Ah, this thing. The main peril with this is a ring out, more than a knockout, because the boss is very bouncy. Kind of an interesting take on a boss.

Huh. I think that’s the first time I got it on my first try. Like, ever.

You won the Pendant of Wisdom! With this, you have collected all three Pendants! Go now to the Lost Woods to get the Master Sword!

Sadly, no bulbous blue flute yet, so I actually have to travel there on paw.

Next

[Nidoking]

The thing about throwing an item into the pond is a reference to a fairy tale, which I believe is of Japanese origin. The original story was about a fisherman who threw a net into a pond, and a magical creature in the shape of a woman came to the surface and asked whether he’d thrown in a gold net or a silver net, indicating that he could keep whichever one he liked and sell it for a big profit. The fisherman tells her that it was a perfectly ordinary net, and amazed by his honesty, she gives him both of the valuable ones in addition to the original. There are lots of variations, but that’s the general idea.

[CommanderKeene]

It’s actually based on the tale of the Honest Woodcutter, one of Aesop’s Fables and a story originally of Greek origin, with the god Hermes taking the place of the fairy. It’s just that this particular fable is very popular in Japan and receives frequent references in their popular culture.

[Joat]

Previous

Part 6 - Hyrule Castle II: Wherein Link unleashes his most powerful weapon.

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In the comments, two people have proposed two different potential tales the section of the game with throwing items into the pond could be referring to. One involved nets, another involved axes (I had trouble finding a link to the former). I’d clarify which one’s correct, but I’m not sure whether to answer honestly or to choose the more shiny story, so I’ll just move on instead.

Wee!

The Master Sword he will then retrieve.

And they were doing so well on the non-cryptic thing, too. I mean, it wasn’t that cryptic, but still.

Behold, the magic levitating disco jewelry!

the face of the darkest evil magic!

Thankfully, getting a new thing to murder things with changed the weather!

Wait, does this mean the fog was an evil spell?

It’s time to finally defeat Aghanim once and for all!

… … …

Well, that complicates matters.

Still, given that she could have contacted me at any time, at least she didn’t stop me in my tracks a lot to drone on about her top-percentage Rattata. Not that Rattatas (“Rattatae”?) are not awesomely adorable, mind…

Priest: abducted her. They have taken her to the castle. You must find her before the wizard works his magic on her as well…

I know what he means, but I still have the mental image, now, of Princess Zelda being transformed into a bunny, too.

Someone really should draw Bunny Zelda. That would be adorable.

Priest: Please… You are our only hope…

And then he fades out with a warping sound. And meanwhile, whenever Link dies, it consists of him spinning around and doing a faceplant with a rather anticlimactic thud. Not quite as stylish, but I guess priests get special privileges.

Anyway, I should head off to the castle, but first, a little errand.

When at full life, the sword fires a whirly death… thing. Your static cling cannot save you now, laundry!

I think his taste in fashion may be Stockholm syndrome from being kicked around by that guy for too long.

And it makes me so very popular, it seems.

Anyway, it’s dangerous to go alone, so I’ll go ahead and take this.

Ow?

Ow.

Oh well. Shiny get!

Thank goodness you’ve got a fur coat! Watch your Magic Meter!

And it is so glamorous.

…The fur coat, that is. The Magic Meter is actually pretty basic.

Old man: retain your full consciousness and human abilities.

Ah, I get it. To justify my lack of ability to use even light weaponry such as the ice rod earlier.

With the life meter expanding and the magic meter having more of a use now, this purchase is a more useful one.

Tum dee dum…

Though the exterior had boosted security, good to see the interior of the castle is just as poorly-defended as I left it.

Die, uh… thing!

Ooh, test subjects!

Having a freeze-proof flail but not freeze-proof armor seems like skewed priorities to me.

Nice and scary, I suppose, but these things aren’t meant to be very public, and anyone who got this far would not be intimidated. Wouldn’t having your monsters’ eye so exposed by a pretty significant weakness?

No, I don’t think finding you was the hard part. That magic barrier thing kinda gave it away. You’re not exactly very sneaky.

Aghanim: Are you enjoying the form I’ve kindly blessed you with? Heh heh heh…

Maybe a little…

Hush, it’s adorable.

Aghanim: And now your failure is complete, because I now have the Princess in my clutches!

My mind went to a dirty place with that last word. Him looking so creepy isn’t helping matters.

Aghanim: Behold! The last moment of Princess Zelda!

Why is Link just standing there?

Aghanim: Ho ho ho…

Oh no, iss evil Santa!

Aghanim: With this, the seal of the seven wise men is at last broken. It is now only a matter before evil power covers this land… After all, the legendary hero is nowhere to be found

To be fair, it’s probably sheathed, so it’s plausible to think he might not recognize the Master Sword.

Aghanim: and I am armed with the power of Gold.

But I am armed with the Power of Pink!

Aghanim: Ho ho ho…Now, I must go!

That was not a phase-through-walls trick. Are you really that lazy, Agahnim? You have two functioning legs!

Aghanim: Very well…! Then die like the animal you’ve become!

Funnily enough, wild rabbits are… not exactly as weak and defenseless as popular consciousness has been led to believe.

Anyway, Aghanim has three types of spells. One is a lightning strike, one is blue spinning orbs that disperse if hit, and a big orb of magic that can be deflected back at him.

So, one obvious question is, why does he use the big orb spell if it can lead to his defeat? Well, for the lightning, that’s obvious: it’s actually way too easy to dodge if you see it coming. But as for the blue orbs spell, I figure he refrains from using that all the time for one or more of these reasons:

• He realizes that if he uses the blue orb spell all the time, that too will become predictable and far too easy to dodge. And his magical power is vast, but it’s not infinite, so from a story perspective, he realizes that if Link were to be able to dodge his projectiles all day, all he would accomplish is wearing himself out. But if he mixes up the spells, Link may be tricked into trying to deflect the blue-orbs spells because he expected a big-orb spell.
• The big-orb spell is actually the most inexpensive to cast. Him using this spell to attack is basically him catching his metaphorical breath and letting himself recharge.
• The big-orb spell requires the least concentration to cast, and sometimes he finds it difficult to concentrate properly on his more complex spells when there’s an angry giant bunny with a powerful magic sword actively trying to kill him.
• The big-orb spell may even be him actually botching the blue-orbs spell out of nerves.

Anyway, now, it is the fated rematch! In order to defeat this powerful wizard, I must use my most deadly weapon!

Aghanim: defeat yet. I will draw you into the Dark World, where my power over you is complete! BEGONE!!!

Bit of a graphical error, there, which I never noticed before this screenshot. I’ll go ahead and darken it so you can see it more easily:

For a brief moment, this room shows up as part of the warp sequence, which is neither the source nor the destination location.

Salamander: telepathy. The place where you now stand was the Golden Land, but evil power turned it into the Dark World.

Looks pretty well-lit for the Dark World.

Sammy Rala: The wizard has broken the wise men’s seal and opened a gate to link the worlds at Hyrule Castle. In order to save this half of the world, the Light World, you must win back the Golden Power.

Something tells me such is not a matter of simply besting Ganon in a dance-off or something.

Saw’s Brawler: You must also rescue the seven maidens who Aghaim sent to the Dark World.

So, what you’re saying is, I

Image from Pokémon

Exotic Butters: As members of the blood-line of the seven wise men, they have power that will surely help you. The maidens are locked in hidden dungeons full of evil creatures and dangerous traps. The Palace of Darkness should be your first goal in this world! Link, I can rely on only you. Please make this old man’s wishes come true. I beg you!

Worry not! I shall stab the forces of evil with pink!

Next

[Joat]

Previous

Part 7 - Palace of Darkness: Wherein Link goes on a magical mystery tour.

Oh look, it’s a… uh…

Alas, this wall shall taunt the player for quite some time yet.

You cannot hide from the bunny.

Oh dear, I’ve encountered the gangsta rappers of the Dark World.

Uh… spear hamsters and glam rock clams?

I guess the giant pyramid thing directly to the west is rather non-noteworthy.

Funny for this shop to be so… boring, compared to its Light World counterpart.

By its expression, it looks like it hurts more to shoot the projectile than to be hit by it.

…I have no comment.

“This lake is an omen. It foretells wet fur.”

Eh, I’m already cursed.

Did I win?

Hooray for pestering people!

nearby enemies! (It might even give them a taste of what you went through!) Watch your Magic Meter!

…

I JUST LEARNED THE MASS BUNNY SPELL!

Buh…

But that’s not a bunnyyyy…!

Oh hey, it’s the legendary flying bomb-dropping mushrooms!

You are a terrible guard, sock.

And let’s not forget the giant shield-eating pumpkins.

Anyway, time to journey to the Palace of Darkness.

And suddenly, tree! Which seems to be trying to move. Which is sad. And it also got all the way here. Which is confusing.

Tree: You’re new here, aren’t you? Did you come here looking for the Power of Gold? Well, you’re too late. It will obey only the first person who touches it. The man who last claimed the Power of Gold wished for this world. It reflects his heart.

Does that mean I should start calling the monsters of this world Blood Cells? I’ve been inhibiting them, though. Am I Cholesterol?

Tree: Yes, I came here because of greed for the Golden Power, and look what happened to me… To restore the Golden Land, a person worthy of the Golden Power must defeat the man who created this place… Until that time, I am stuck in this bizarre shape.

What happens if someone who isn’t worthy defeats the one who created this place? Does the Triforce just go and sulk in the corner?

Tree: But what a mischievous thing to leave lying around… The Power of Gold… Triforce…

Wait, mischievous?

Is the Triforce a prankster?

Alas, what’s behind that cracked wall is nothing too exciting. Back to the hedge maze!

Perhaps I was a bit too hasty in using the word “maze” here.

Well, okay, this part is a bit of a maze, especially if you don’t notice that there are transparent areas in the hedges that denote where the paths are.

And once you emerge, you have a free monkey!

Kiki: anything! Can you spare me 10 Rupees?

Image creator unknown

I suppose I shall.

Kiki: Ki ki ki ki! Good chocie! I will accompany you for a while. Kik kiki!

I get the opportunity to have you ask me for more money on my travels, yaaaay…

Kiki: Ki ki ki! If you give me 100 Rupees, I will open the entrance for you. Ki ki ki!

Out of curiosity, I looked it up, and no, it is not possible to open it without the rupee fee.

Kiki: Ki ki! Good choice! Then, I get 100 of your Rupees. Kik ki ki!

Hooray for commercialism!

Well, at least one version of this palace was completed by its builders!

Telepathy tile: Mountain. I know you are doing your best, but please hurry…

Zelda gets to keep her panel text, because her name is easier to pronounce and she’s also prettier.

This can only end well.

Almost forgot! Let’s introduce our cast of characters!

Here we have the beetle with a helmet, because safety first!

And then we have the floating jellyfish (which, sadly, are not vulnerable to the unfathomable power of the net) and the hostile walking footstools (yes, I know they are probably supposed to be turtles, but they still look like walking footstools to me).

I can see how one might see this as a good idea for a trap. Just… pretty expensive to reset.

Perfect for pitching a high-fantasy tent!

You can use it to pound on other things too.

…Except that, perverts.

Take that, malevolent furniture!

These creatures tend to mimic the player’s every move, except in different directions (and, in the case of the red one, occasionally firing). And getting them to stop requires a sword or arrow to the face. Simply saying “I’m stupid” won’t work.

Hooray for

Screenshot from Dungeons of Dredmor, provided by TVTropes

Well, this is it…

Ah yes, the helmeted boss. However, that is substantially larger than a helmeted beetle. Heck, it’s bigger than four beetles!

Fortunately, its defenses fall away after I give it a hard day’s night with a not-so-silver hammer.

And now, I’m gonna carry this weight.

Apparently not for a long time, though.

And now I’m apparently nowhere, man.

I saw her standing there.

No big deal, it’s just a day in the life.

Maiden: …This world used to be the Golden Land where the Triforce was hidden.

Yesterday?

Maiden: But because Ganon, the boss of thieves, wished it the world was transformed…

It’s all starting to come together, right now…

Maiden: I’m sure he’s intending to conquere even our Light World after building his power her.

He just needs a way to get back to where he once belonged.

Maiden: He is trying to open a larger gate between worlds near the castle using out powers. But the gate is not open completely yet… If we seven maidens come together, we can break the barrier around Ganon’s hiding place.

We can work it out, with a little help from your friends.

Maiden: I will tell you where the other girls are held. I believe you will destroy Ganon.

Don’t worry. I’ll make him twist and shout!

Maiden: When you do so, we will all be freed from his evil magic! … … … … Do you understand?

Of course I do, I’m not some fool on a hill!

Maiden: May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

I’m sure it’ll be a long and winding road.

Great! Now, how do I get out of this dark void? There’s no sun to follow!

Next

[CommanderKeene]

Huh. Did you get the Tempered Sword offscreen, or does the romhack change the palette for the Master Sword?

[Joat]

The palette was indeed changed, because pink is a lovely color. And apparently also a highly deadly color.

[Joat]

Previous

Part 8: Swamp Palace: Wherein Link demonstrates the superiority of cottontail over cotton.

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Now, before we move on, time to tend to some things!

Three bottles of blue medicine total.

And next…

Well, this is gonna hurt…

Thankfully, the game is generous enough to give one hearts upon arrival at the end. Unfortunately, it does not replace the blue medicine I had to use.

Still, it’s worthwhile to trade it for one of the most powerful items in the game! This item gives invincibility and harms any who come close. At the cost of magic power, of course.

Round two, spikes…

Well, nearly flawless victory, at least…

Actually, let’s go ahead and fix that magic problem!

The enemies have increased in number, but not in vigilance.

This can in no way be a bad idea.

And down here, there is a random shrine.

Let’s randomly put some magic powder in it!

…You’re belligerently welcome?

Bat: But now I will get my revenge on you. Get ready for it! …Err, is that okay with you, sir?

Well, I guess so, Fluttershy.

…Ow?

Bat: Now I laugh at your misfortune! Now your magic power will drop by one half!

The bat never actually laughs, that liar.

Bat: Have a nice day! See you!

Fare thee well, bat who rolled a natural 1 on their casting roll. This “curse” does literally the opposite of the intended effect.

Anyway, one potion restocking later, back to the plot!

Yes, the dungeons are numbered, but the game, from here, actually opens up the sandbox. It just… isn’t very clear about that. Heck, the dungeons are outright numbered, so that gives a pretty clear message to the contrary. Anyway, despite the freedom, I shall be heading to the dungeons in the recommended order. Because, well, why not, really.

Well, this seems an appropriate monster placement.

That reminds me, I should remember to raise my bomb max.

And another bomb makes another hole in another random wall!

Ah, another delirious hungry traveler.

Fortunately, the exchange rate for hallucinatory fish is really high.

And then I bomb the wall and get even more money.

This seems like a pretty good time to me.

And I finish with 30 max bombs. Which I probably will not use much of at all.

Oh, hi, tree!

Ack! It sneezes bombs!

Uh, sure. Just, uh… warn if you feel a sneeze coming. Please.

Tree: I heard that using Bombs is the best way to defeat the one eyes giants. Talk about irony!

That seems like a rather… unfortunate name.

Well, I guess at least it gives me a use for all those shiny new bombs.

Anyway, back to the plot!

You too, Zelda? Is it something on my breath?

Ah, right, this.

This is entirely 100% made of logic.

Battling bugs, belligerent bouncing bubbles… brilliant!

Oh hey, a tadpole dispenser!

I think the game finds this item a bit too appealing…

things!
…What? No, that’s not a rabbit joke. It was a Hook Shot one! BOING!

Someone should combine the two. A rabbit with a built-in hook shot. For science!

♪ Duh duh-duh duh-duh, Inspector Rabbit. Duh duh-duh duh-duh duh… hoo HOO! ♫

Always check behind the waterfall.

Alright, here it is! Now we face off against…

Uh…

An eyeball with a bunch of balls of cotton floating around it.

Oh good heavens, it’s Cotton-Eye Joe!

And after deprived of its cotton, it leaps into the air, tries to land on me because it also thinks I would make a soft landing, then starting bouncing around the room. Because that sounds like a battle tactic that could not possibly…

Well, that was easy.

Maiden: Link, because of you, I can escape from the clutches of the evil monsters. Thank you!

The crystal may be a bit more problematic, though, apparently.

Maiden: …The Triforce will grant the wishes of whoever touches it, as long as that person lives…

We’re screwed if one of them wishes to be immortal.

Maiden: That is why it was hidden in the Golden Land. Only a select few knew of its location, but at some point that knowledge was lost… The person who rediscovered the Golden Land was Ganondorf the evil thief. Luckily, he couldn’t figure out how to return to the Light World…

I know where this is going.

Maiden: …Well, remember that you have magical powers, which only The Hero can make the most of!

Such as the Freeze Everything spell, the Mass Not-Quite-As-Cute-As-A-Bunny spell, and the Charm Person spell (AKA the cute bunny stare).

Maiden: Perhaps it was fate that created this form for you to live in.

No, I’m pretty sure it was Agahnim who did that. Or Ryusuta.

Maiden: Whatever the case, you must continue to find the evils hidden in the Dark World. You are the only one who can destroy Ganondorf, the thief-no, Ganon, the evil King of Darkness!

No pressure.

Maiden: May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

Well, it already led to me getting a magic cane that makes me invincible, so that’s a good start. Onward!

Next

[Joat]

Previous

Part 9 - Skull Woods: Wherein Link discovers that not all carrots are tasty.

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I wonder if this area might be significant, somehow…

Who bothered to put a landmine up here?

It’s worth the hazard, though, for a piece of heart!

Anyway, now to speak to this, uh… thing.

Thing: After wandering into this world, I turned into this shape…

Ye were just taking a stroll and stumbled into the dark world, or something?

Thing: I enjoyed playing the flute in the original world… … … … There was a small grove where many animals gathered. I want to see that place again… I buried my flute there with some flower seeds.

…Why did you do that?

Flute player: Will you try to find it for me?

And of course, I say yes, because I am good bun.

Flute player: Then I will lend you my shovel. Good luck!

It seems this passionate flute-player decided to give up the flute to become a Dark World ditch-digger. Or something.

You borrowed a shovel! You can dig in many places. You never know what you’ll find!

It sounds exciting! And you get to keep it for a whole couple of minutes or so!

I was quite happy when I learned I get to keep the shovel in Link’s Awakening.

I missed you, mysterious Hyrule Chocobo.

And grabbing the ocarina obese flute causes all the animals to scatter.

Even the Hyrule Chocobo. Aw…

And then, the flute-player is vaporized.

And so is the shovel.

…Um?

You alright, there?

Flute player: Thank you, Link. But it looks like I can’t play my flute any more. Please take it.

How convenient. For one of us.

Flute player: If by chance you go to the village I lived in, please give it to a tired old man you will find there. … … …

Oh. So, delivery service it is, apparently.

Flute player: Well, my mind is getting hazy… Please let me hear the sound of the flute one last time…

Well, I’ll try. Here goes…

Oh come on, I wasn’t that bad!

Seems like the right candidate to me!

Old man: …mumble mumble… Oh? This is my son’s flute…! Did you meet my son? Where is he? Is he alright?

Well, he’s alive. Technically.

Old man: Oh, I see… Well, I can tell what you want to say by the look in your eyes… Would you keep the flute?

Woo, free stuff!

…Whaaat, I’m totally a good, caring, and trustworthy bun!

Old man: And will you play its sweet melody for the bird in the village square? I beg you, please! My son would probably want it this way… …But still, I wish I could see him once more…

You might have a bit of trouble seeing any family resemblance.

Something tells me this thing might be a tough crowd to please.

Um… This raises so many questions, not the least being how this thing avoided asphyxiation, starvation, thirst, pigeon excrement…

Everyone’s a critic…

Though apparently if I play only a portion of the song, it will hear from anywhere and come to somehow lift up a full-grown anthropomorphic bunny to wherever he wants, because bunnies + birds > physics.

Anyway, first buying a potion, then boosting bomb capacity by five.

And now, time for a night on the other town!

Bird! Issa bird!

This tree isn’t quite as friendly.

Those who are without rupees will be cast out from the Village Of Outcasts. Somehow.

…Hey, don’t look at me like that! I, uh… I wiped my paws before entering! So there!

I imagine your choice of entrance may be why it’s a slow business day, sir.

A bit of a fixer-upper.

I think I just robbed Princess Pitch’s holiday home.

I should probably go now.

Actually, I think Princess Pitch would be a pretty good explanation for the state of this village.

…No thanks.

Well, okay, there is a chance to get a piece of heart from this game, but I didn’t know that until after I’d originally completed this LP.

Not going this way, apparently.

How did you get there, good sir?

This-a-way we go!

Apparently, a lot of big creatures once lived here.

Anyway, there’s something important here, but first time to get sidetracked!

Fashion is serious business.

Always nice.

Anyway, it was at this time that I stumbled upon some information that I could have upgraded my shield long ago. Time to fix my previous oversight!

Alas, blue shield.

Uhhh…

Is this a glitch? What is this design supposed to resemble?

Oh. Fair enough.

I think this carrot may be bad for his teeth, though.

Oh hey, this tree is… not cut down. Though it is a different color.

And with one tackle, I succeed where they failed.

And then I fall down a hole in the tree, because falling down holes ends well a lot more often than common sense would dictate.

Case in point.

The moral of the story is, heart pieces do not grow on trees. They grow under them.

It seems this shop uses the original, and thus incorrect, palette.

Appropriate name.

Seriously, Link? You’re gonna get eaten by another dungeon entrance?

Well, there’s also the back door.

Step 1: Pull lever.

Step 2: Explosions.

Does there need to be a step 3?

Ah yes, the nigh-indestructible-without-fire Mummies and the Wall Masters (I think that’s what they’re called, even though they don’t come out of the walls in this game), which take the player back to the beginning of the dungeon if they catch the player. More of an annoyance than a challenge, to me, really.

Since I was low on health, I decided to restock on health and get to the max possible bomb capacity, with my hard-stolen rupees.

Who decided to store a magical flamethrower in the depths of a forest?

…And try not to burn your tail!

I think the narrator does not have too much confidence in Link.

It also has the added bonus of suddenly ruining the floor upon receiving it.

Anyway, onward!

Kill it with fire!

There! Better.

Barely.

Ah yes, the sparkle cloud that removes Link’s clothing on contact.

Oh hey, I get to fight Mothra!

The Fire Rod makes quick work of it, but wow, I forgot how much the spikes flew around in this fight. I think I may be more rusty on danmaku than I thought…

Yes, I know the life count is the same, but that’s one blue potion later.

Maiden: Link, because of you, I can escape from the cluthces of the evil monsters. Thank you! …Do you know the prophecy of the Great Cataclysm? This is the way I heard it… If a person who has an evil heart gets the Triforce, a Hero is destined to appear…

Rather convenient.

Maiden: …and he alone must face the person who began the Great Cataclysm.

And any bottled bees he may bring into battle.

Maiden: If the evil one destroys the Hero, nothing can save the world from his wicked reign.

No pressure.

Maiden: Only a person of the Knights Of Hyrule, who protected the royalty of Hylia, can become the Hero… You are of their blood-line, aren’t you? Then no matter what body you have, you carry the hope of everyone with you!

So it truly is his blood that matters. His uncle was right!

Maiden: May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

And maybe an edible carrot, this time.

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[Joat]

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Part 10 - Thieves’ Town: Wherein Link saves the day via sunbathing.

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Crossing over here to explore, because why not.

Entering here to go upward.

The jellyfish have infiltrated the Light World.

More rupees, wee…

And fairies. Nice for healing, but not much else, at this point.

I’d better be conservative. I only have 49 bombs left.

Good sir, might I suggest relocating your shop?

Aaaand more fairies.

And ten more rupees from the pots.

Anyway, time for a potion refill. Then, the dungeon!

Well, this might be a bit of an issue.

Lemme iiiiiin!

Oh. Uh, thank you.

They’re getting sneakier.

…I don’t even know.

Don’t forget the falling Marowak snakes. No dungeon is complete without those.

Alas, that cracked floor does not break with a bomb.

Uh… running crickets?

Gee, thanks.

May as well use them for something, aye?

How… specific.

Oh no, a trap… yawns

A bit excessive, is it not? Especially since multiple locks are not very helpful when each requires the same key.

Oh, sure. But first…

Time for some sunbathing!

…Then why did you follow me into it?

That’s one heck of a sunburn.

Anyway, I tried fire rod, I tried ice rod… What magical item should I…

Eeeeyup. Sounds about right. yawns I should probably be terrified with all these projectiles flying about.

But I’m not.

And yes, I know, I am officially a wimp. But hey, at least I’m an entertaining wimp!

Maiden: Link, because of you, I can escape from the clutches of the evil monsters. Thank you! As the wise men sealed the way to the Dark World, the Knights of Hyrule defended them from the attacks of evil monsters. I heard that the Knights of Hyrule were nearly wiped out in that battle… You are perhaps the last one to carry on the blood-line of the Knights…

“Perhaps”? You aren’t certain?

Maiden: It is ironic that the last one in the line has become a monster himself.

I guess it’s true, what Nietzsche said. Except, perhaps backwards.

Maiden: Maybe there is more to the story than even the prophecy could have predicted! Whatever the case… Link… We’re counting on you! May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

And possibly something useful to spend all these rupees on.

cotton tail!

Oh, and also, remembering to get this dungeon’s treasure would be helpful. Gotta get my mitts on this mitt!

Oh no, whatever shall I doooo…

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[Joat]

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Part 11 - Ice Palace: Wherein Link is taunted by an equipment upgrade.

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And now for some more exploring! This house seems like a good starting point.

Possibly dead thing: skill in my shooting gallery? I’ll give you give shots for 20 Rupees. If you’re as sharp as I think you are, you stand to rake in the Rupees.

Ah yes, this place. I recall passing it by for most of my life. However, one day, while waiting for my ride to pick me up after college classes, I got out my DS and played the GBA remake of this game, then proceeded to master this mini-game. Not 100% accurate (I think I only ever once got the max 124 rupees per game), but still plenty enough to make a reliable profit.

For old-time’s sake.

I still have it, it seems.

Hm… I suppose I shall go again.

I am awesome bun.

That said, not going again. I already have plenty of rupees.

What is that form supposed to symbolize about vis heart?

Well, I don’t know if…

Shovel Gnome: Then I will lend you a shovel. When you have it in hand, start digging!

Okay then, I guess it doesn’t matter what I think.

Was the choice removed the dialogue space? I’m pretty sure I remember there being a choice.

Well, I need to play this a whole bunch of times to try to find the piece of heart.

And so, at long last.

Also, note my rupees count. I do not think this is a very profitable business. Especially in the original version.

Anyway, time to disturb the bouncing pogo frog!

Bouncing pogo frog: Ribbit ribbit… don’t hurt me, bunny! Please!

I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he does not know about the whole “reflection of the heart” thing. If he did, this would be silly. Even if said bunny is heavily-armed.

What I will instead comment on is, what does being turned into a frog say about one’s personality?

Bouncing pogo frog: …You’re not going to harm me? Wait, you’re from the Light World? I used to live in Kakariko Town!

As do most people who are not soldiers, from what I have seen.

So, roughly about a third of the population.

Bouncing pogo frog: Ribbit! I have a request of you! Please take me to my partner!

A bit of a mess, but good ventilation.

Anyway, back to the Light-World version!

He says in the most unenthusiastic voice.

Blacksmith: Drop by here again! At that time, we will temper your sword perfectly!

Apparently, the Master Sword has not yet been mastered.

Oh hey, it’s the little shop treasure chest that wasn’t there yesterday.

Because the key is locked inside this chest, you can never open it.

Why did who do that, under the influence of what substance?

Just take it with you.

Uh… ‘kay?

Well, I guess it looks nice, at least.

I got my own personal pet treasure cheeeest…

You guys are just shooting at me because you’re jealous.

Hey bunny-hater! Guess what I have that you ca…

Guy: I heard that you know I used to be a thief, right?

…Um?

Guy: Well, I’ll open a chest for you. Will you keep it a secret from everyone else?

‘Kaaay…

This is a Magic Bottle! You can store an item inside and then use it later!

Well, that was certainly convenient. I wonder what I’ll use it for…

Okay, blue medicine. Definitely blue medicine.

Wow, that’s pretty cheap. Until you consider they implied free, earlier. Oh well. Not like I’m using my rupees for much else.

Blacksmith: All right, no problem. We’ll have to keep your sword for a while.

Well, that’s inconvenient. Especially since I did not keep the old sword, apparently. I mean, I’m completely defenseless!

Blacksmith: I thought you might like it!

Here it comes…

…I knew it. Though I do wonder where the Lv.4 sword will go from here.

…But now you’re suddenly hungry…

But your HP and MP are looking good, so it works!

Anyway, rather than call out these two for their blatant speciesism, I’ll go ahead and try out the new sword on the fifth dungeon!

But first, let’s look at this very subtle secret!

Did I even need to read this? I kinda know the drill, by now.

Like so…

Ow.

That poor bird.

This is the Bombos Medallion! Its magic makes the ground explode with bunny rage!

And kitty rage, and ‘roid rage, and nerd rage, and adamantium rage, and… Okay, I’d better stop this joke. Or, rather, rage-quit.

Anyway, now to actually progress the plot.

And so, it begins.

It wants a huuuug!

Instead, it gets a fireball to the face.

Kinda sounds like most dates I’ve been on.

Which is probably why I am now in love with a kitty instead of a dragon.

Telepathy tile: (Removed conversation for dialogue space.)

Well, fine, then! If you won’t talk to me, then maybe I should spend time with those overly-clingy ice… things.

A rather oddly-designed skating rink.

OH HOW WILL I EVER OPEN THIS DOOR?

Ah, these things, which can only be finished off with a bomb. It almost makes increasing the bomb max worthwhile. Almost.

Telepathy tile: (Removed conversation for dialogue space.)

I’ll take that as agreement.

I am now being attacked by darkness itself. Unfortunately, I do not have Magic Missiles prepared.

There we have Zelda again, giving me the cold shoulder. dodges frozen tomatoes

Well, this is inconvenient.

“Mail”? Like, chainmail? That does not look like chainmail. Or plate mail. Or snail mail.

But, does it clash with your fur color…?

Well, sort of. I admit I prefer the green, but the blue isn’t THAT bad of a match. Though I feel it would have been better if the darker blue were lightened a shade. It would have been adorable! Another change on my wish list, that.

Two-hit combo!

It’s funny to think that, in my childhood, this would have been quite a welcome surprise, a place for me to restock on fairies. Now, though, I much prefer medicine, so I feel kinda “eh” on rooms like these. Oh, how a different playstyle can change things. Back then, I used to have even more issue with finding a purpose for rupees, spending a lot of time with 999 of them. Now, though, I actually have a use for rupees again. So, that’s nice! Though, now I can get a whole bunch of rupees with the arrow game at any time, so there’s that.

During this boss battle, ice occasionally falls from above. I guess this is what I get for mocking the indoor weather mechanic of Red Rescue Team during my LP of that.

Fun Fact: When the shell is melted away, it instantly disappears. However, according to TCRF, the shell is meant to fade out, but does not due to a palette glitch.

And then it splits into three. Though, now I can hit it with my sword like some common brute instead of killing it with fire like an awesome wizard, so that’s nice.

And of course, victory is mine!

Maiden: Link, because of you, I can escape from the clutches of the evil monsters. Thank you. They say the Hylia people controlled mysterious powers, as did the seven wise men.

Apparently mysterious enough that I am not told what they were.

Maiden: But the blood of the Hylia has become thin over time. We who carry the blood of the seven wise men do not possess strong power any more, either. Our powers will increase if we mix the courage of the Knights with the wisdom of the wise men.

And also a pinch of salt.

Maiden: Only a short time remains until the gate at the castle linking the worlds opens completely. If you defeat Ganon, this world will vanish and the Triforce will wait for a new holder.

Hopefully not with everyone inside it.

Maiden: I believe in you… Good luck! May the way of the Hero lead to the Triforce.

And perhaps somewhere a bit warmer, next time.

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