A new uncut for ya! Featuring the uncut, unedited, exhaustive “who would win” conversation we had throughout the whole fuckin game. Sometimes an idea just sticks.
Castlevania: The Adventure
Bleh! Velcome to another blood-chilling entry in 50 Shades of Grayscale! This week, we tackle an entry in a much better known property: Castlevania! Now I don’t have a lot of experience with the series outside of bits and pieces I’ve watched, but I’d guess it’s not a wild take to say that this one might be the worst! Or at least a heavy contender. Either way, with perseverance and a bit of our own hand-crafted lore, we made it through with out necks in-tact.
Not much else to say, but here’s a deleted scene from Dracula’s castle! We…we spent a lot of time there.
Another uncut coming at ya, this time featuring the full deep dive into the history of the Great Khans, and their mysterious baby entry. Also Bill and Ted I guess.
Kid Dracula
Bleh! Again! It’s time for another episode, this time featuring the only properly localized entry int he Kid Dracula series! While the Famicom title never made it to the states, it’s pseudo sequel came in virtually unchanged, which meant the localizers just kinda had to wing it. Especially the writers for the manual! In true Halloween spirit, they made every effort to reference their share of b-movie horror titles, and then probably threw away all game materials they needed as reference and called it a day. It was the 90s, baby!
Another totally EXCELLENT uncut with our good buddy Rinchinbal.
Gargoyle’s Quest
Hello boys, ghouls, and non-BOO-nary fools! It’s time for another entry in the spooky block! And what could be spookier than demons, devils, and localization choices meant to prevent christian outrage?? I, for one, am very happy ot have this game on the list. Not only because it’s good and has kickass graphics, and a very fun manual, but I discovered only later that it’s another series progenitor! Nothing pleases my Game Boy propaganda spewing heart more than a bit of gaming history starting on my favorite lil console.
Speaking of the graphics, the detailed sprite work was a genuine selling point for the series, and well deserved. A lot of little tricks are put in place to make the experience incredibly readable, even on tiny screens. It’s like Capcom knew how to make games or something! Anyways please enjoy some hokey advertising and cute official artwork, featuring our boy Firebrand in his proper colors.
Another uncut, featuring the full, ice cold experience of THE HUNT FOR RED OCTOBER. Please enjoy things like: repeating levels, talking about Worf, and repeating levels!
Kid Icarus: Of Myths and Monsters
It’s time to finally wrap up the spooky block proper with a game full of beasts and terrors! Also a little angel boy. That’s right, it’s the sequel to Kid Icarus. It’s still very strange to me that this never got a full Japanese release. There’s probably some potential sales reason, but for a first party Nintendo title it’s still pretty baffling. Then again, they also just shelved the series proper until 2012. Who knows what they’re thinking over there?
Snake Count: 24
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Another uncut edition coming at you! Wild, untamed, just like the time of the dinosaurs. Will you survive?
Hammerin’ Harry
Surprise! Despite it being over, the SPOOKY BLOCK LIVES ON with Hammerin’ Harry! I have no fucking clue why they decided he has to fight ghosts, but it does make for some pretty sick imagery. The perspective change boss is one of my all time favorites so far, even if getting to it could be an ordeal.
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Back at it again in New Donk City! Another uncut entry to reveal just how little I had to actually edit out!
Bonk’s Adventure
Oogabalooga! It’s time for everyone’s favorite moderately deformed child: Bonk! I actually find Bonk, as a character and a concept, incredibly charming. He truly has the qualities of something that started as an inside joke and became progressively more real every time he came up. The game itself was nothing insane, really. Probably among the easiest we’ve ever played, but given it’s predecessor that is far from a bad thing. Wish it had more snakes, though.
Session 2 of the Donkey Kong uncut streams is up! Thrill as we amass extra lives only to lose 80% of them on two levels!!
Mystical Ninja Starring Goemon
Grab your kunai and ready your turbo buttons because it’s time for the 38th game in the lineup! Goemon is another series that I have yet to properly dig into, but I’d definitely like to! Even amidst the laborious issues with this title, the charm of the characters shines through, and some day I’d love to at least check out that famous n64 title.
Speaking of those issues, I have to wonder how possible those damn minigames truly are. Favorable reviews apparently existed at the time of this game’s release, but I can’t help but wonder if they just had some passwords or game genie’d it to progress. A mystery lost to the ancient Edo period!
All I can offer now, is this awful awful magazine ad:
wanted: rock hard arse
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If you liked Avenging Spirit, but thought it’d be cooler if you watched me die a little more, then this is for you!
Turok: Battle of the Bionosaurs
It’s time to go back…TO THE PAST. Again? Wait. Maybe this is the future. All this time travel is confusing the hell out of me, but one thing is for certain: there will be a non-zero amount of dinosaurs being shot with guns in this one. There will also be reminders of our past with this series, as a surprising name emerges. I mean, we talk about it immediately, so you won’t have to wait in suspense too long.
Time for the beginning of the uncut archives of CASTLEVANIA: THE ADVENTURE. This is the light portion. The real meat will be next time.
Donkey Kong Land
Everyone’s favorite apes are back…on the Game Boy! Still gotta reiterate that that is an actual plot point, and not just me pointing out the gimmick of the show. Donkey Kong Land is a lot of ambition packed into a tiny yellow cartridge, and I think for the most part it succeeded! There isn’t much else to say about that, so I hope instead you enjoy our strange dive into the deep lore of Ronald McDonald, and also a truly awful statue of a minion.
Snake Count: 25
Behold! The real meat and potatoes of the pain that is Castlevania: The Adventure. Perhaps the first game that I trimmed down into three superspeed segments? Well now you know why.
Showcase #4
That’s right folks we passed another milestone so it’s time for another showcase! This one is focused on ports and adaptations of titles most folks might be familiar with. Some of these definitely could have been entries on their own, but space on the schedule, difficulty, or just plain bad quality has relegated them here. I still felt they were worth mentioning though! Maybe some day, down the road, I can beat one. And then I’ll have 49 to go from there! What a concept.
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