: Now that we’ve managed to avoid softlocking the game yet again, let’s check out Chondra and Claudio in battle.
: Claudio has the highest HP and strength stat by far of anyone in the party. He’s.. also somehow less useful than Vella was when we had her. Chondra has a higher strength score than Alex but does about 1/5th of his damage.
: This is the world map near Flag Town. To the right is a burger store, which sells nothing we need.
: The blue house is an internet cafe, which conveniently has a healing spot inside of it. You can access ONISM to pick up a couple of sidequests, but I don’t think we can do any of them right now.
: There are.. several monster dens near Flag Town, but the EXP they give is jack shit compared to those random encounters from the last update.
: Chondra.. Chondra fucking sucks. She’s better than Rory, but only because Rory can’t attack. Her gimmick is that she has four stances and the ability to spread items across the party.
: Devil Stance outright fucking kills one of your party members, and also costs a bunch of Chondra’s HP and PP to boost her damage from maybe like, ten with a max combo to.. around fifteen. Still well short of Alex and Michael.
Strong Stance costs HP, and Wild Stance costs PP with each attack.
: This is Chondra’s QTE. The hula hoop has a hand on it, and the hand will touch an icon on the left or right which has a random button on it. Now, here’s the shit part of this. Missing an input will SET YOUR COMBO TO ZERO, causing you to automatically miss your attack.
: In contrast, Claudio is much easier to hit with, but his damage.. still isn’t great.
: His QTE is a bastardized version of the power meter from Neo Turf Masters. If you manage to hit the green line, Claudio attacks all enemies instead of just one for a bit more damage. You know what I want? I want a Neo Turf Masters RPG.
: In contrast, I can routinely hit for 20+ damage using Alex’s attack.
: One thing I haven’t shown off is that this game has an assist mode. You can turn it on, and it will give you infinite time energy. Given how bad Chondra’s attack is even at max combo, I might consider using this if we run into another Golden Alpaca level boss fight (and I’m sure we will) just to maximize damage assuming we don’t get Vella back before the next boss. Correction: by the time I recorded the dungeon coming up, I turned that shit on and never looked back.
: There’s a couple of other locations we can visit now, including the place where Alex presumably went to college, the news station Semi worked for, and a mall that has fuck-all in it except a healing item store and a pog.
“Usually it’s so quiet here. Any ideas, Claudio?”
: “Well.. there may or may not have been a post on ONISM about a ghost sighting nearby.”
: “Oh yeah, I saw that. Some people said the ghost of Semi Pak was haunting the cave nearby.”
: “SAMMY?!”
: I wonder what Alex’s codename would be if he somehow got into MSF or Diamond Dogs. Whining Panda? Douchebag Duck?
: “I really doubt it’s her… one of the commenters on the post said it was his sister, who was haunting a cassette tape, or something. Personally, if you want to details I’d just check ONISM.”
: What this is supposed to be is an intro to the game’s sidequests, which are hidden in ONISM posts. I didn’t even know about these until I looked up how to solve one of the puzzles in the dungeon and someone mentioned it on the Steam boards.
: “We need to check it out. If it’s Sammy, I need to know.”
: To get to the cave itself, we need to go through Mount Town until we reach the northern exit. There’s a bunch of fuckheads wearing proton packs and some vending machines, and that’s about all there is in Mount Town.
: The chests contain healing items and money, which we’re going to need because of how badly designed this dungeon is.
: I figured that guy would be a Pokemon reference and fight you, but he isn’t.
: There is, however, a bridge that needs to be lowered.
: The solution is easy: climb up here, and then use Dali to hit the switch.
: Past the bridge, we have a single enemy encounter of two bats and a shitpile that awards an amazing 11 EXP. We also have this sign, which is one of the reasons this dungeon is very badly designed. This pink shit is the same stuff we saw outside the factory: it’ll do damage every second we’re in it, even if we’re not moving.
: A lot of people apparently didn’t bother reading that last part, because the developers have an FAQ on the Steam forum for this game telling you that you have to run through the shit to progress. This is BLATANTLY lifted from Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne which had multiple dungeons like this, usually followed by a bullshit boss fight.
: To get to the stairs, we need to take two hits minimum from the pink shit. That’s about 2-3 damage.
: The next floor has a hidden chest up here with nothing good in it, and an enemy directly in front of a long path of pink shit. This is where a lot of people apparently got tripped up - we need to wade through the pink shit to get a key.
: The encounter contains a new enemy: the Stop Sign Man, which is basically a rat but tankier.
: The enemies here hit like trucks, doing as much as 8 or 9 damage on a successful defend. Combine that with the damage from the pink shit, and I wound up leaving at one point to go find a healing fountain. Yes, I could use healing items.. but fuck that.
: I also had to level up Alex because of how bad our damage is right now. I was holding out hoping we’d run into more Soul Survivors, but it doesn’t look like that’s going to happen anytime soon. There’s another cutscene on Floor 20 of the Mind Dungeon. I’m not posting the whole thing, as it is.. 17 mostly full textboxes long.
: On the other side of the room from the pink shit is a wall we can blow up with Amp. This dungeon abuses the FUCK out of both Amp and Hairwhip for no good reason.
: The next floor has an immediate battle, so I wanted to show off one of the new skills we got: EP Strike. We also got a useless ability for Rory and the Final Fantasy “Throw” command for Chondra. An achievement popped up letting me know I had all the skills, so we have all the skills now - meaning that my guess is we’re not getting any more party members.
: EP strike is some bullshit. Without assist mode, it’s not terribly hard to hit the red area, but it’s annoying as hell if you miss.
: Here, we have a split in the path. To the right are a couple of hairwhip trees blocking the way to the next floor. To the north is a giant field of bullshit that will probably reduce your entire party to 1HP.
: There’s two doors. The one on the left is a bunch of chests, four of which contain healing items. The last one is a Camo Jacket but you have to go through more pink shit to get it.
: The one on the right is a puzzle, which we can’t fully solve right now… at least I’m pretty sure. The idea is you blow everything up - the trees have switches underneath them that you can put Panda on to lower one of the three gates.
: There’s also three levers that lower the bars halfway, so you can get whichever one Panda is sitting on the switch for. This room is also really badly designed. You’d think that we’d need to be on the lower level where Alex is to grab the chests, but Dali won’t reach them from there. I thought you had to drop down from a different room (a mechanic we’ll be seeing shortly) to get them, but instead you have to just do it from the upper level.
: The chest on the left and right aren’t important, but the center one has a camera for Michael that is a straight upgrade even to the ones we could’ve gotten from the camera store.
: Now, here’s the thing. I actually wound up almost game overing and thus re-recorded this part. You don’t want to go up to those rooms with the chests just yet. Instead, you’re going to want to go back to the internet cafe, heal, and come back, then go this way first.
: This room looks like it’s got a lot going on, but really it’s fairly simple but also BULLSHIT FUCKING REPETITIVE. You’ll notice there’s a switch in the bottom-right. We can’t reach that with Dali (actually, I’m pretty sure you could) and if we drop down, there’s no way back up.
: Down below is a monster fight. There’s only one of these in this room.
: This is, I believe, the only time we’ll encounter Traffic Cone Monsters in this dungeon. Traffic Cone Monsters, which are absolutely not a ripoff of the Putrid Moldyman from Earthbound, are a complete pain in the ass. Their attacks are dodgeable, but they have.. a fuckload of HP. The trick here is to get rid of the alien first, not because it’ll do much (it does maybe 2 damage) but because it has that unblockable party-wide attack that is fucking annoying as shit to sit through.
: This right here? This is why I said make sure you do this part first and go out and heal. I came in here with 1HP on the entire party the first time because I’m fairly good at dodging and Alex was able to kill the alien before it could use its unblockable attack. The chest on the left has a healing item. The chest in the middle has a dungeon key we need to progress. The one on the right?
: The one on the right’s a fucking mimic.
: The mimic is a miniboss with as much, if not more, health than the Golden Alpaca had. While it only possesses one single-target attack, that attack is undodgeable and will hit for 7+ damage even if you make the QTE.
: This is after I had Alex use EP Strike, which did 46 damage to it. EP Strike will pretty much oneshot any regular enemy, so this is how much HP the mimic has.
: I also decided to use this time to show off Claudio’s only skill: Bushido.
: Bushido’s deal is that after a three-second countdown (in Japanese, of course), the game will give you a directional button to press. If you miss even one, the entire attack fails.
: I hit all the prompts I could and it still only did like 20 damage, which is about the same as Claudio’s regular attack if we hit the green zone on his attack QTE. By the way, 17.25 seconds feels like FOREVER. Really, the strategy here is to have Alex use EP Strike every turn and have everyone else use regular attacks.
: This battle gives the entire party a full level-up. Why do we give a shit? Because levelling up also refills your HP and PP. Granted, you could also go into battle and have Chondra use Spread Item (which stupidly enough she can’t use outside of combat) a few times, but this is easier.
: The Mimic also drops a walking stick, an accessory that boosts PP by.. 5 I think. Equipment comparison in this game sucks.
: More unavoidable pink shit and two ladder animations we’ll have to see multiple times later..
: The chest has another collectible pog in it. Once we clear the area out, you’ll notice that there’s three holes. We have to do the whole “walk through pink shit, climb two ladders” routine a total of three times, because this game is shit and it knows it.
: The first time, we land on the southern pillar and can hit the second switch.
: I have absolutely no idea why the developer thought that they needed to make you do this twice. Did they think people would find one hole but not the other somehow, even though they’re mere inches apart?
: Anyway, the third hole lets us cross the bridge and go back to the room we came from.
: Oh look, more unavoidable pink shit. In fact, apart from that one square of it in the room with the camo jacket (which we technically didn’t need to pass as we could’ve used Dali) I don’t think any of the damage floors in this dungeon are optional. Fuck this game.
: Directly on the other side is an encounter with another new enemy type: the sheep man. Sheepmen are basically tankier aliens - you’ll want to LP Toss and/or EP Strike them to death before they use their undodgeable attack.
: An empty room, and a room with a couple of vending machines in it. Something tells me we’re in for a boss fight and..
: God dammit! I mean, the gameplay part of this sucked, but god dammit! The worst part is, this cutscene is totally fucking pointless!
: “So how did you get interested in the disappearance of Sammy Pak?”
: “Can we not get into that now? I’m sick of hearing about that poor girl.”
: “Easy, Chondra. I’ve been interested in missing people for a while. The idea of people vanishing is something that hits close to home, you know?”
: “So, I started going in chat rooms for people with missing kids and someone on there was talking about Sammy Pak. I followed the link and it brought me to the ONISM 1999 post - the one with the video of her on the elevator. I kept going back each day and keeping up with what you guys posted.”
: “That’s a little dark, isn’t it? Going on chat rooms for parents of missing kids.”
: “Oh, no I don’t, like, get off on it or anything. My little brother went missing when we were younger. I guess I still wonder if he’s out there.”
: “Okay. Let’s go see the Wizard. I don’t want to hear any more about missing kids. It really drains me.”
: If this was where the cutscene ended, I’d be fine with that. It sort of establishes a character motivation for Claudio, even if it’s a little weak. The thing is..
: Fuck you, Rory!
: “Most guys aren’t brave enough to walk around in a shirt like that. Also, you know that’s a girl’s shirt right?”
: You’re saying this to the guy who I’m pretty sure is wearing lipstick.
: “This is no more a ‘girls’ shirt than Mahou Shoujo Haru no Shimai is a ‘girls anime’! This show represents everything that is good about life.”
: “Oh, well, I’ve never seen it. I just uh, assumed it was a girls’ anime with all the exploding flowers, pink and Sailor Moon rip-off characters.”
: I don’t think you can call something a ripoff when you plagiarize an article about the composition of the human body.
: You know what, Claudio strikes me as the kind of person who posts on 4chan’s music board about “essential patriciancore” and insists that Neutral Milk Hotel is the be all and end all of music.
: “Without this series, the art form never would have progressed. You see, while the anime premiered in 1985 in the US, there were already episodes of this magical series in production, in Japan, in 1977.”
: One thing I realized right away while recording is that the dates for this more or less line up with Shin Lupin III (“Red Jacket”) which in reality WAS a pretty major influence on anime as a whole. Why they didn’t just go with a Lupin ripoff is beyond me. Probably because it would’ve required effort.
: I’d also like to point out that magical girls as a genre have existed since 1966. I think it’d be pretty hard to say that Sailor Moon was inspired by any one work, especially given that it’s almost a completely different genre than earlier stuff. You can thank the guy on my twitter who posts about nothing but magical girls for that.
: Again, this would absolutely be Lupin III he’s talking about - not so much the TV show (which was rushed out on a weekly basis for like 3 years) but definitely Castle of Cagliostro.
: “If Father Spring had never laid with a human woman, the world would have been destroyed time and time again by his evil daughters, the Winter Sisters! It’s the balance of humanity that allows them to control their powers. And don’t even get me started on the soundtrack.”
: “The amazing blend of funky jazz and Japanese pop blows my mind every single time!!”
: This is pissing me off so much. What they’re talking about is the original OP for Shin Lupin III, which I can’t fucking find anywhere and it pisses me off.
: Here’s an overview of the next room. I’m not going to go through most of it, simply because it’s really straightforward and a time waster. You have to extend the bridges so you can drop down to the lower level.
: This bridge is particularly bad because you can’t see it from where you have to stand to launch Dali at it.
: Once you’ve done all that, there’s a rock you can bomb to get a switch that opens half a bridge we need to progress.
: There’s also another mimic in the bottom-left corner. This one drops an “Occupy Bank Street” sign for Rory, which we will never use because fuck Rory.
: Oh, and guess what! SOFTLOCK NUMBER THREE! I forgot to save after recording most of this, and went back through real quick.. and softlocked after climbing a ladder. As it turns out, if you’re playing the game in windowed mode and click anywhere outside of the window, the game will probably softlock. Anyway, once you kill the mimic I highly recommend using the free level-up it gives to heal everyone.
: The third lever is up here, by the bridge. There’s two bullshit enemy encounters down here - they’re just regular enemies with super-pumped stats to the point where one of them hit Chondra for 16 damage even though I made the defend QTE. You might ask why I’m glossing over this part, and friend, it’s because this game’s writing is about to take a fucking nosedive.
: Surprisingly, neither of the chests in here are mimics. They have.. cash and healing items. So clearly, there HAS to be a boss through there.. right?
: You can’t hear it, but the same music that played in Sammy’s area in the factory is playing here.
: Oh fuck, an anime ghost! Somebody grab a fucking proton pack, we have to kill it before it can spread!
: “Oh, shit. I didn’t expect this..”
: Surprise, motherfucker! It’s another cutscene! Boss? What boss, there is no boss in this dungeon.
: “Is that her!? Is that Sammy Pak!?”
: “NO! No, it’s not.”
: “But, then I thought about the spirit of the ghost woman in front of me. I realized that there was someone out there missing her, just as much as I was missing Sammy.”
: So, it was about this moment that I realized that I know what the fuck this game is going to pull simply by the fact that it’s playing the same music. Sammy is fucking dead, and what we met was her ghost. I don’t know this for sure, but at the same time it’s so incredibly predictable.
: “Someone out there lost this girl. She was someone’s daughter, or sister, or friend..”
: Yes! Yes I fucking can! You’re an asshole!
: “She’s a ghost. How much harm can she really do?”
: “So, what do we do now that we’ve found her?”
: “I think we should talk to her. See why she’s here.”
: I don’t know what song this is they’re quoting, and I’m guessing I should probably be glad for that. Edit: I looked it up and of course it’s fucking Ace of Base. Why wouldn’t it be?
: “Hi… I’m Alex… this is Rory, and Claudio. Are you okay?”
: She’s fucking dead, you dipshit!
: Is that.. did that fucking ghost just quote fucking Wndrwll? They’re aware Neil Cicierega didn’t write that song until like, 2013, right? Moreover, how do you go from Ace of Base to Neil Cicierega? I don’t think he’s ever sampled from them. Anyway, it’s not in their bibliography so I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s plagiarism.
In fact, please just play this for the remainder of this cutscene.
: “Why are you here?”
: This could practically be a tagline for this entire game. “YIIK: Shit, I feel stupid.”
: “Guys, what the hell am I supposed to say to a freakin’ ghost?”
: “You’re doing fine. Just keep talking. You’ll make a connection.. I hope.”
: “Why are you here? In this cave? Why aren’t you.. moving on? Is that a thing guys, do ghosts ‘move on’?”
: Correction. “YIIK: Shit, I feel stupid: I honestly feel like I’m just plagiarizing movies at this point.”
: Fuck this game for trying to resurrect that shit song.
: “Are you haunting that boombox? Guys, I think she’s haunting the boombox.”
: “You’re my…”
: Honestly, I was too busy laughing at just how badly my life had spiralled out of control that I’m watching a scene that is ostensibly supposed to be serious with a ghost fucking quoting Wndrwll at me. I mean, imagine if, say, Nier Automata had Wndrwll play over Ending C or D instead of Weight of the World. Unfortunately, I didn’t want to do that because there’s people who probably haven’t played Automata yet, so have one of the original NieR instead (NieR video credit: The Dark Id). Unmute the bottom video first, then hit play.
: “He was supposed to be my.. boyfriend. I made you this mixtape. I made it, and gave you everything.”
: Here, we see the rare female Reginald in action. I never thought I’d have to post that comic in a second LP. Also, this would ABSOLUTELY be Alton’s girlfriend if she was in Why Am I Dead At Sea.
: “You forgot about our date.. I ran across the street when I saw you. I was so excited to throw my arms around you.. and what did you do when you hear me shout your name?”
: “What did SHE have that I didn’t have? I made you.. this.. stupid… mixtape… I was never good at talking. I can’t say things like you can say things.”
: “So I thought.. I thought maybe these stupid songs would make you know how I felt. But.. you didn’t want me for me.”
: Gotta love how they crammed another pointless 90’s song reference in there, this time to a song I did not know is called “Hey Leonardo”.
: “You were so cruel.. you didn’t even stop when the car brakes screeched, and my body hit the asphalt. When the red from my head poured onto the ground, and everyone screamed. I was invisible to you. I was.. dead.”
: “This mixtape was for you. Wherever you are.. I know if you could just hear it, I could be at peace. You would be able to feel the pain you caused me. Feel how much I loved you.”
: You know, I’d probably do the same thing if someone handed me a fucking mixtape with Wonderwall on it.
: Poor girl.."
: “… I wonder what we should do with it.”
: “Way I see it, we have two options. We can give it to that Shane Irving guy, or.. we can return it to her brother who posted on ONISM.”
: “I don’t know what’s right. On one hand, her brother really wants his sister’s cassette back. And on the other, what if we give Shane Irving the cassette and she just haunts him for all eternity? What if that revenge doesn’t bring her peace?”
: This sounds a hell of a lot like that quest in Witcher 3 with the ghost on the island.
: I think that’s about all I can stomach of this game for right now, so I’ll skip the other six textboxes. Next time, we’ll start with a lengthy and equally stupid cutscene, and then finish this sidequest. I’ll do both solutions, so there’s no need to vote or anything.