The Mental Health Commonwealth

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#41

So, I’ve been lurking on this thread since the OP. And since I gotta wait 40 mins for my bus I’ll go on and talk a little bit about myself.

First of all this is like the 4th time I try to post. Always give up and delete it all. Is this THE ONE? let the bus decide!

I’m Neru, about to be 26, non 1st world citizen, though a cis white male.
I’ve had depression, borderline, bipolar and some other disorders that come with the package since forever. I remember my mom saying once that since 3 I’ve been prone to stay in the corner and look sad.

I have a pretty big history with my mental health, have hit the bottom of depression 3 times, and attempted suicide over 10 times.

Today I feel like I have sealed the biggest demon out of my mind, after some years of meds and lots of willpower. Most problems still linger but I feel like someone new today.

Maybe I’ll tell my story with details later. Always wanted to be a writer.

I’ve learned that mental problems are like an addiction. It will never go away forever, and ever if you can win, every day feeling good is just one more day. One slip can crumble it all. So I try to keep it one day at a time.

Never stop fighting my beautiful people. Our mind knows our weaknesses, so it’s a hard fight. Never stop nonetheless. You can always win this.

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#42

How do folks cope when someone important, someone you really rely on, has to be out of your life for while? My best friend/partner/occasional-housemate is going overseas for a month, and I already know the loneliness is going to suck. But the scary thing is that my routine, something that has largely let me get some traction in life in the past few years, is going to be completely up in the air. I get confused/forgetful very easily and having someone to check in with about “what was the plan for dinner again?” or “did I already buy more X this week or did I just think I did?” was vital. Sure, I can still send her a facebook message but with different time-zones and not being around the house… it is not really the same at all. I had hoped my other friend would be able to check in with me once or twice a week, but I had kind of built that up in my mind rather than checking - they can’t even see me once this week, and I was already aware of how busy they were.

TL:DR How does one cope with someone you rely on being out of the country for a month and the disruption to your routine that this causes?

#43

So I got kicked out of my Mother-in-laws house a few months back, so I haven’t been living with my wife for a while, and I barely get to see her. So I totally understand, I rely on my wife for a lot.

So for eating, I often forget to eat, I just don’t notice that I get hungry, and my wife helped out with that. What I do is whenever I think about her, I try to think of everything she does for me and think if I should be doing any of that right now. It’s been working for me.

I don’t know how bad you are though. I can mostly function on my own, just having someone around helps a lot. Good luck.

#44

Thanks @vifs I’ll give that a go. I’ve pre-loaded my calendar with food options and times too so hopefully I won’t lose track of eating too badly. I appreciate hearing your perspective too.

#45

If anyone in here is playing Night in the Woods, it’s extremely good but it gets pretty heavy at times. You might want to maybe take regular breaks if something comes up that’s rough for you.

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#46

I am literally downloading it right now, thanks for the heads up :slight_smile:

#47

Yeah there’s nothing like, explicit in it but some of the dialogue gets pretty deep into some stuff. And I personally identified extremely strongly with the feeling of coming home from college after bad experiences and not having anything to do with myself, but I didn’t even have childhood friends to fall back on because my mom had moved out of my childhood town, and the feelings associated with being an adult and also not feeling like an adult at all. Which I still have, and I’m in my 30s now.

The game made me squirm but it was cathartic, overall.

Like I said, there’s nothing really explicit, it was more just me identifying strongly with certain characters and themes in the game and it exhausted me emotionally at times.

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#48

Hopping in this pool. I’m Jennifer and I’ve had a nice cocktail of anxiety and major depression for most of my life, caused and exacerbated by C-PTSD and chronic physical health issues: mostly an incurable anemia-- think Sickle Cell but less painful. All these issues combined form a terrible Captain Planet that’s left me on Disability because I exist in that weird grey area of able to work, but not able to work full time/enough to support myself.

The Disability Saga has become a thing of its own, as problems with it and Social Security in general have been dominating my life for about a year now. I’ll talk if people are interested, but it’s mostly just bureaucratic drama.

Also:

Big time. My anemia puts me in about the same camp as someone with Sickle Cell or Chronic Fatigue Disorder, but I’ve internalized this idea that my life’s value is directly correlated to my ability to work (thanks, abusive upbringing). The disconnect there has caused many a terrible thought.

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#49

Let’s see if I actually post this this time. I’m Rudje, I’m a big gay bag of gender confusion that defaults to “girl I guess” and I have severe ADHD and crippling social anxiety and major depression from the ADHD/school bullying! also epilepsy, even if I haven’t seized in a while. fingers crossed The time since the US election results were announced has basically been an adventure in slowing watching myself slide deeper into depression as things go to hell. It’s not been great, but it’s been worsened because I also have migraines partially triggered by stress (…which I figured out when I left school and basically stopped getting them all the goddamn time) and those have been popping up again.

Painfully so; I’m horribly aware that stressing out over what I can and can’t do only makes things worse, but god if that helps at all, especially when I’m down three meds I need to be a functional adult (literally can’t afford them, which is a problem when one is for epilepsy and not affording it means not driving which means no job which means not affording it which…). Internalized capitalist bullshit is a hell of a thing. vOv Still learning to not be a total ass to myself when I don’t do things perfectly, which is tough.

Sorry if this is disjointed, I typed and retyped this over several hours.

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#50

hi i am voltcatfish and i’m diagnosed with depression…my therapist thinks i’m on the autism spectrum too, but hasn’t tested me for reasons. I’ve always struggled with uncontrollable anger that my therapist doesn’t seem to want to explore with me…my mother and my grandmother are both diagnosed bipolar but I’ve not been diagnosed with it and am not entirely sure if I have it or not.

some days it’s really, really hard to stop being destructively angry at everything and I think I only manage to deal with it by trying my best to ignore it which is almost certainly a really bad thing for all people in my personal life involved

i’m wondering if maybe i should just start looking for a new therapist at this point…

#51

Anyone that wants to tie any sort of benefit to having a job is a fucking dipshit and deserves a brick to their fucking teeth.

Work is not a moral good. Having the ability to work is not a moral good. Means testing and job requirements are the capitalist’s excuse to devalue human life and to justify not taking care of people who need help.

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#52

If you’re feeling hesitation about your current therapist, I say it’s worth it to explore other ones (if you have the means to). You might find out that your current one actual works for you, or you could find out that actual they actually suck for you and this new one is better.

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#53

I agree with @TattersMatters, even if your therapist is “nice” or a good person or whatever, they may not be a good clinical fit for you. If you possibly can find someone else, give them a try. I also know many people go see a psychiatrist (because they need medication, and therefore a good move) but then rely on them for mental health care - often this is a bad move. Psychologists are the ones who will actually provide mental health care beyond medications, helping you work though issues and providing the bulk of methods and skills to help one get through life.

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#54

Out of curiosity, does anyone have any recommendations of media that handles mental illnesses beyond major depression and social anxiety well, and doesn’t just resort to generic Hollywood mental illnesses? Like, the only time I’ve ever seen OCD handled well in media was from “The Noa of Brown”, and it’s kind of frustratingly hard to find anything that doesn’t treat it as a joke or a quirk and doesn’t completely overlook the intrusive thoughts side of the disorder.

#55

My friend with OCD enjoyed Fun Home. Other than that, I can’t think of anything.

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#56

I’ve seen PTSD done very well, which is probably not terribly surprising but still cool. Jessica Jones was dead-on accurate for at least the first few episodes (so much so that I had to take breaks between watching them), and the horror film The Invitation is told from the perspective of a guy facing the source of his PTSD head-on.

As for OCD in media, you may want to check out Lady Dynamite on Netflix. I say “may” because I still haven’t watched it myself, but it’s based on the life of its star Maria Bamford who has suffered with severe OCD her entire life.

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#57

Maria’s standup frequently addresses this as well and I can’t recommend both enough. (warning some of her old bits features some words that aren’t really acceptable nowadays). I also recommend her ancient YouTube web series she did in the middle of a mental health crisis. And also the special she did in front of just her parents.

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#58

I have a lot of trouble with being alone with my own thoughts for any real length of time. I generally avoid this through various means. Generally when I’m in public, I either hyperfocus on whatever it is I’m doing, or zone out completely. These are both not good but honestly is the most benign for me, mentally. When I’m at home on the internet, it manifests in bad ways. Like, I cannot leave people alone. I just cant. It’s ruined so many friendships it hurts to think about really. I just don’t know what to do. How do I force myself to be able to live with my own thoughts?

#59

I’ve had my own problems with loathing and avoiding my own thoughts, so I can clearly relate to that.
Also, being too invasive and stupid and driving people away, sure know how that is.

Don’t want this to sound harsh, but forcing yourself to live with your thoughts will never happen, you need to WANT it, or at least understand you NEED it.
Your brain is awesome and a bitch, so it knows how to avoid things it doesn’t want while making its own point of self-loathing . And forcing things will only waste energy and make you feel even worse.

You will definitely need to work around into facing these stupid and powerful thoughts though.

I’ve had a major breakthrough with my depression a couple of years ago and had to take time to face these thoughts head on, but I had a lot of help…

At the time I was taking a full charge of antidepressants and antipsycothics (lexapro and risperidone). They acted as mental and emotional regulators, and did not allow me to stray much away from a bland average. Trying to focus on a single train of thought was hard, and they would break away easily, forcing me to start again from the start, and refine them. Emotional uproars were completely snuffed by the meds so I was able to do it for a good while with no breakdowns.

I recommend you go back into meds, a good doctor can understand what is the good combo for your own thought process, so you can think better and for longer, and eventually come into terms with who you are.
Therapy always helps, be it with a psychologist or a close friend that will hear you without judgment.

On the topic of being invasive ( as you can see from the 3 mile text that I AM… Almost done, bear with me…) I also suggest asking friends for “where did I fuck up here!?”

I spent last year browsing tinder and forcing my way into different people just to see how much time they would take to get away from me. Then I’d analyze the chats and interactions and note down the “fucking up interactions” I learned.
But then, I’m an engineer and sort of sociopath… Results and methods may vary :sweat_smile:

#60

You’re assuming a lot thinking I can get a match on tinder lmao. As far as meds, I still have my lexapro sitting around but I just couldn’t deal with the side effects. Maybe someday I’ll feel like I’m worth enough to go see another therapist (I’ve burned through at least 5)