Tails swears here and it's not great - Let's Play Sonic Epoch Advance

[Riley]

TW: Suicide attempt, major depression in a character. I will update this TW if I see anything else as need be.

Hello, good day, good morrow, welcome to the Sonic Epoch Let’s Play, covering not just the Game Boy Advance version but diving into the PC versions as well. Before we start our journey, let’s look briefly into the early 2000’s. Mind the swirly special effects, we’re going into a time when the Sonic fandom was especially strong.

This goes back as far as 2000, when the first demo was released. Sonic Epoch was described as an “interactive movie” on first release, and it certainly focuses on cutscenes. The game was released in DOS format in two versions and then directly in Windows 95 version for the third. Unfortunately, I’m not equipped to run the latter nor get a Dosbox or VM running for the former yet, but for now we’re going to focus on a fourth version.

Enter the Game Boy Advance version, which the main developer even admitted was more that he wanted this project to be done and complete. Not a bad reason at all, although the aging has brought certain issues up, including new aspects of the plot that are /pretty bad/. Still, it’s been completed and even seems to run on an actual GBA quite well.

Now, before we begin, I want to first focus on the characters appearing first, by which I mean bring up some of the characters we know and how they are more so in the SatAM universe.

Sonic the Hedgehog (16)
Proclaimed by everything and everyone as the Fastest Thing Alive, including the theme song. Sonic is the best bet in the Freedom Fighters’ efforts against Robotnik with his rebellious attitude and mastery of his incredible speed. He’s arrogant to a fault but recognizes he needs to put his ego aside to make sure the day is saved and Robotnik’s forces take a loss, bringing the fight ever closer to victory.

Sally Acorn (15)
A princess before Robotnik’s conquest, she doesn’t give her royal blood a second thought as she leads the Freedom Fighters in their battles. She boasts considerable knowledge in technology and tactics, as well as attempting to keep a cool head when dealing with the various attitudes of the group.

Miles “Tails” Prower (10)
A junior member of the Freedom Fighters, Tails looks high up to everyone in the Freedom Fighters and wants to fight aside, but the others want to keep him safe and make sure he has something of a childhood. He idolizes Sonic and wants to be as heroic as he can be.

“Doctor” Julius Robotnik
Once a beloved ally of King Acorn, Sally’s father, Robotnik soon brought his machines to take over Mobius and rule it with an iron fist (or at least the robotic one he got because of Sonic). Ruthless, cruel, deadly, this is easily the darkest version of Robotnik/Eggman yet, and fitting enough voiced by Jim Cummings! Was assumingly killed at the end of season 2 to be replaced by Naugus.

Snively
Nephew of Robotnik. During the first season, Snively tried so hard to appeal to his uncle’s demands and temper tantrums, but once the second season started he was fed up with it. The cancelled third season would have dealt with him teaming up with Naugus, an extremely powerful wizard, before switching sides multiple times.

Fun fact: If not for Naugus’ laugh, the eyes at the last scene of SatAM were rather Sonic-like, almost hinting instead at Metal Sonic. Sonic CD did come out the previous year!

WARNING, THIS EPISODE CONTAINS A SUICIDE ATTEMPT. The specific screenshot is blurred but only that one since it’s a plot point for here and the next post.)

Let’s start this show then.

Snively: Oh, yes, sir, all preliminary tests ahve been successful. There’s still a minor concern about a critical high energy tolerance that may or may not cause problems.
Robotnik: What type of ‘intolerance’ are we facing here, Snively?
Snively: Provided all energy levels of matter sent through the teleporters remains at nominal levels, there should be no issues. However, based on the principles we are using for the teleportation, a level of energy that is… Sir, I seriously think you should take this into consideration!

this completed to my original specifications within the hour.
Snively: But sir…!
Robotnik: Now cease your senseless yakking or I’ll see to it that you’re the test material.

)Yup, we’re not even told what the thing is that Robotnik is testing! We’re going straight into the Freedom Fighters on their latest mission instead!)
Sally: This is the place!
Sonic: You ready?

And welcome to the first level, everyone, we’re invading a small base filled with dog robots

Our pause screen holds some mystic items at the top (I do believe they’re recovery items) and some elements at the bottom… yeah those are the Sonic 3 style shields. The flame shield doesn’t work completely like in Sonic 3, you need to be holding forward to get that boost, but hey, it’s a shield with move benefits.

Our first boss is unfortunately extremely basic. The ratbot walks across the screen and its main defense is you can’t hit it while it’s blinking after a hit. I’m serious, its main defense is its mercy invincibility. It can walk into you but otherwise, yeah. No fun wrecking ball to swing around.

And that’s the end of that. Bosses explode nicely.

Sonic: What’s one power reactor to another? Let’s just slam, jam, and scram!
Sally: We really shouldn’t act too harshly, Sonic. I must make sure it’s safe…
(Oh come on, in the cartoon Sonic would already be pounding at the door.)

for testing!

(Seriously, you left SONIC UNGUARDED?!)
Snively: Yes sir. I’m making the final calibrations now.
Sonic: (Oh man! How am I gonna get me and Sal outta this one…? … Stall?)
(You can tell this was made in the early 2000’s by the overuse of ellipsis)
Sonic: Yo Snively! What are these things, anyway?
Robotnik: Insolent rodent! These machines are none of your concern!
Sonic: I was talkin’ to Snov’ley, Lard Butt!
Robotnik: You fool, Hedgehog! Don’t you even care that we have your dear Princess’s molecular configuration in our hands!?
Sonic: I’ve got something in my hand that’ll make you kiss your sorry Robuttnik goodbye!


Sonic: Showtime’s over, Doc!
(Literally all Sonic did was bounce the ring in front of him, jump at Sally, knocked her aside and took her place as he grabbed the ring again.)
Robotnik: Snively, activate them now in their uncalibrated state!

Robotnik: Snively… why isn’t the hedgehog dematerializing?
Snively: Um, well, sir, I believe the hedgehog’s Power Ring’s radioactive properties are not able to be properly disassembled by this system…
Robotnik: Meaning…?
Snively: Women and lackies first?
Robotnik: Snively, you fool! What have you done!? (runs off)
Sally: Sooooonnniicc!

(some screens from the show shoot by made to look like reactions to Sonic’s disappearance)
Sally: And that’s what happened… so many years ago… I don’t know why you had to be taken from me, Sonic…

WARNING: SUICIDE CONTEMPLATION IMAGE

(YO WHAT THE FUCK
What a way to show how edgy you’re going for here, Jesus Christ. )
Sally: I found a way out… Sweet laser pistol demise…
This is so messed up. I know people like the dark atmosphere of SatAM but this is just absurd.
Anyway, speaking of swearing, let’s end on this joker.

Enter 20 years old Tails: angry and cursing.

Next time, we’ll also talk about differences in the original DOS/Windows 95 version, including the opening there that includes a character not introduced yet in the Advance version.

[yaodema]

That freaking Tails… we’re in for a ride here, aren’t we?

[Fefnir]

Well, I guess the title didn’t lie. Tails did swear and it wasn’t great.

That said, I can’t decide if I prefer to think of Goth Tails’s voice just staying exactly the same as the cartoon, or sounding vaguely like future Strong Sad.

[Riley]

Well, as they say, no time like the present.

Sally: So close…
Tails: What the hell’s the matter with you, huh? As if I don’t do enough!
Sally: I tried so hard… Every day… and still… it never ends.

(I am going to wear out my Period key halfway through transcribing this LP)

Tails: If you’re talking about you and your moaning about the guy who screwed us all, I couldn’t agree more.
Sally: Poor little Tails, you were so hopeful, so full of spirit! A driving force for us all.

(I imagine Sally just does exposition all the time and Tails just gave up long ago and goes with it)

were driving any force then you wouldn’t be sitting on your ass in a hellhole like this.
Sally: … so why don’t you let me go?

(The screen shakes a bit and the lights flicker a bit.)
Sally: What was that!?
Tails: … damned if I know.

(Did you not just bemoan how she was just sitting around all the time?)

Sally: … I… I have to know. I don’t know why, I just have to go out there! I’ll take the sewer and… and… work my way around the sewage plant!

(Hoo boy, this does not sound any bit like Sally’s characteristic of cautious, carefully planned routes and subterfuge. I know it’s been years but at least retain some personality.)

Tails: Oh? And you’ll deal with the sewage plant worker bots!? You leave this shack and you’re on your own, you know that!? … Did you have to take the gun with you!?

(I’m getting The Room vibes)

Alright, we’re in Sally’s first stage. Her style is not being as fast and she has a long range weapon. Not being fast is actually a really good thing because these stages do not give you good enough warning time for enemies, which was already a criticism of Sonic games. Here, the flat platforms and less refined engine means you’re going to be taking hits or, even more often, taking a dive into pits. Sally can fire regular shots or charge it up, simple yet effective.

We have our first miniboss, a Swat-Bot. They were pretty tough stuff in the cartoon, so makes sense just one is enough to be a miniboss. Unfortunately it’s mostly down to exchanging gunfire and if you can get the timing down you can jump over the blasts (Not that it deals much damage with a blast). Anyway, they hold keycards so we can progress.

So, let’s take a look at this obstacle. That platform actually moves side to side. You’d think it’d be harder to get around this area, but don’t worry, there’s also springs at the bottom of the pit there. Oh, and falling in doesn’t even cause damage at all.

This part is an instant kill however.

And this just has springs! I think there was actually a hidden powerup in this area in the DOS version. Oh, and there’s the checkpoint marker.

Now for an actual boss, the Sewer Gator Bot. Its main pattern is it lurks below the sewer water, splashing about until Sally manages to walk over the right spot to cause it to jump up and fire shots at her, allowing her to attack back. Charged shots make quick work of this since you’ll have plenty of time trying to get it out of the water in the first place.

Sally: My hero… my love… what… happened to you?

(Sonic critiques Sally’s dialogue)

Sonic: And where am I?

(AND HERE’S WHERE IT GETS AWKWARD.)

Sally: I know! I’ve become a totally wasted shell of the youthful princess you once loved… after you had vanished I had lost all hope… in our… cause…
Sonic: Uhh, that’s not what I was getting at, but yeah, I knew that.

Snively: Snively.’ You’d think that a guy smart enough to grow back his own hair would find a way to get rid of his uncle. Oh well, I suppose this is as good a place as any to set up my equipment. Perhaps I should examine for trace gases first.

Snively: This… this is impossible! I thought for sure he’d have been disintegrated! And yet… oh my. Big round guy won’t like this at all… he’ll roboticize me or worse… I must get rid of the hedgehog at all costs! Damn!

Sally: And… I tried to raise Tails, but… oh, I was a horrible caretaker! He’s just angry, depressed… I’ve done nothing right!

(Except he isn’t depressed? He’s cynical and jaded, but he never came off as depressed.)

Sonic: What’s happened to you, Sal’? Robotnik’s messed with your head or somethin’. C’mon… let’s go home. You’ll see. Knothole will be there, and so will everyone else. Even Tails, who’ll be happy to see both of us!

(Oh so very happy!)

Sonic: Oh man, what’s going on!?

Tails: (gag) I think… huuuuhhh, I’m dying…
Sally: Are you blind?! It’s Sonic! He’s come back to us and I know you’re happy to see him.

(AND WE ARE GOING TO BE A HAPPY FAMILY AGAIN OTHERWISE I WILL END YOU LITTLE MAN)

Tails: You’re… crazy. You’ve… lost it! (cough) Look, lemme go, alright? You’re more dangerous than I am.
Sonic: (This… can’t be happening. Is this for real?? My little buddy is all grown up? And a total jerk? … and Sal’s attacking him after he attacked me?!)

(Yeah this is a weird shot. I’m sorry, this is also part of the two’s relationship subplot.)

Sally: … home. We’ll be safe there…
Sonic: Home… Knothole? Tell me it still exists!

Sally: remember…
Sonic: No… no, this ain’t right. This can’t be!
Sally: Oh, c’mon, Sonic… let’s leave here. All I can think about is all of them…
Sonic: All of who?!
Sally: Please… let’s just go where it’s safe.

So yeah, remember the OTHER characters? You had Bunnie, Rotor, Antoine, Ari, Dulcy, Lupe, yeah that colorful cast. All gone! The DOS version did have plans though. Originally, the rest of the Freedom Fighters were rounded up and roboticized except for Tails and Sally, and part of reaching the good ending was to find them and free them, although this being a dark morbid game freeing means killing them, except in Antoine’s case where he seemed to just off himself with his sword? More reason I need to try to get something working to capture footage of the DOS stuff.

Actually Ari didn’t get roboticized, I’ll get into that next time, because I also need to talk about how the first version was more SegaSonic friendly, and Ari’s role was originally filled by Knuckles instead!

[yaodema]

So, gameplay wise. That gun is… I can’t even read its sprites against the backgrounds because it’s dark on dark. Which could also be said for the tone of the game thus far, but, in both cases it’s falling apart because of that lack of contrast. I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t read well even against a light background.

None of the characterization makes sense, also that’s not a “shack” it’s clearly a screenrip from some random corridor in Robotnik’s giant complex from the show.

but hey… did I just see Sally, mantle something?

Like, grab a ledge that you can then pull yourself up from? If so that’s a surprising bit of foresight. I fully expect there to be no slopes in this game, since it’s somehow a Sonic fangame with no rings in sight and with health bars of all things. Also because slopes are much harder to program into a platformer than most give them credit for, going in blind. And yet, mantling… weird.

[Timrod]

Reading this feels a lot like the time I watched someone stream Toonstruck at like 12:30 in the morning. I had no idea that game existed, and I was watching in bed so when I woke up the next morning I wasn’t entirely sure if it was real or not.

[Chowder]

See the difference is, there’s fun to be had with Toonstruck. It’s weird and arcane and doesn’t make a lot of sense and sometimes it tries too hard, but it tries too hard in ways that are charmingly earnest. It’s not the best game ever made but it’s a worthwhile little experience for what it is.

I’ve seen what must amount to about five minutes of gameplay and I can already tell this game is a joyless husk.

[VegaBaby]

I thiiink I remember the DOS version of this game, or at least an extremely early demo of it, unless there was another game that sent Sonic to the future and made Tails tall and bitter.

I seem to remember that the early version didn’t even have Sally in it at all, and followed Sonic’s perspective strictly. I think it also played closer to a traditional Sonic game, but I could be mistaken.

Have a lot of other Sonic fangames tried to run in emulators? I can’t think of any examples from when I followed them more closely, but it has been a while since I’ve checked in on any of them since the mid 00’s.

[Riley]

There’s been a few games of future Tails being a pain, and then plenty of old fan games of present Tails being a pain. I say this later in the update, I feel it was a common theme back in the day from people that didn’t like him for being the cute kid.

There might have been an early version just of Sonic, there were old logs talking about how at one point it would have taken place much further in the future where Sally was too old to fight and Tails was instead her doctor.

---

Snively: Why did the hedgehog have to show up!? I’ve got to think of something to do about this…

Snively: ‘Specially noted’ roboticization cases… certainly one of these ex-citizens ought to prove to be a substantial threat with emotional leverage to match!

(Wh-what? Also, if you’re trying to keep Robotnik from noticing why are you firing up the databases all willy-nilly?)

(Voice only) Ahh. Snively. It’s about time

(Plus he has camera lines it seems, or at least able to interrupt whenever he pleases.)

Snively: G-g-good evening, sir.
Robotnik: Down to business, Snively. I’m too busy to speak long. What caused the crater out by the sewage treatment plant? You know I cannot afford any setbacks in any areas.

(I can’t think of any reason why he has a sewage “treatment” plant aside to justify Sally’s starting level.)

Snively: No, of course not, sir! Well, I assure you it was not any rebellious attacks from Freedom Fighter groups, not at all!
Robotnik: … of course it wasn’t. I hadn’t even suggested that. What is going on out there, Snively? And I hope you tell me it was a gas pocket.
Snively: Quite right, sir! A large gassy explosion from a ruptured line! It will be fixed in… two hours!
Robotnik: …

(So remember how Robotnik was usually, well, immediate in telling Snively to shut up, and direct? I get he got his goal of world conquest but generally that doesn’t mean he’ll stop having a hair-trigger temper, even if Sonic isn’t part of it)

Robotnik: Your presentation seems to be lacking its normal preparation, Snively. But very well. I will expect a follow-up report in two hours.
Snively: Oh, dear, I just hope this plan works…

Sonic: roboticizied… how could this happen?
Sally: It’s what we didn’t know that (sniff) got us. I mean, my God Sonic, I never wanted it to happen. I knew we had to keep fighting in your honor. I couldn’t… let my feelings stop us from doing what had to be done.

(In case you were wondering, no this game does not even come close to passing the Bechdel test. You barely get to meet a second woman total and that’s I believe halfway in.)

Sally: The matter transporters that Robotnik built were set up secretly at points around the Great Forest. Bots came from all directions, it was impossible to –

Sally: to cry and I should be so happy…
Sonic: I’m… sorry, Sal. I don’t mean to, but… Oh, I know I’m not good at the touchy stuff. Umm… it’s the way you’re actin’… the Sally I knew had all the stuff upstairs and could take care of some serious Robuttnik. And I always knew she’d help me… well, keep on the road and get things done right. If that Sally turned into you, then… I know it must be that I seriously screwed up.

(Sonic came SO CLOSE to noticing her personality was nothing like the show.)

Sally: What do you mean you screwed up?? It was an -accident-, something horrible that happened, and… and…

(Okay for once I’m glad Asshole!Tails is here to stop this scene. I’ve redone this scene a couple times to plan the updates and you’re missing out on the music which is stock-sounding Sad Times music.)

Sally: Oh, what are you talking about, Tails?
Tails: Oh, c’mon! Don’t act like you don’t know what you just figured out! If your Great Sonic was in an accident and then just shows up out of the ‘blue’, so to speak, then that only means one of two – either your blue boy turned yellow or you have yourself an imposter.

(What I don’t get is why Tails is so angry yet seems to lean more towards the imposter bit. You’d think he’d be using that level of aggression knowing his once-idol only now reappeared after the world went down the gutters.)

Sally: Uuurgh! Why is it that -everything- I do is always so wrong? I tried to be a good mother for you, Tails. I tried so hard…
Tails: Oh, fuck you, Sally. ‘I tried hard’, ‘I tried hard’. I had to take care of you most of this time and you should know that. Fuck it, I’m leaving this dump. Sal’, go ahead, hang out with your poser. I don’t need you anyway.

---

So, let’s talk about the first difference between the Advance version and the original DOS versions! The GBA version really wanted to play Sally up as some fallen saint figure, who lost her shining knight and doesn’t know what went wrong. The original did clarify why Tails swears a lot: Sally ended up getting sick of young Tails asking about where Sonic was and what was going to happen and let loose a cluster of Fucks and rage against him, causing him to withdraw and no longer ask.
I don’t really understand why they left that out, although I do think it had to do with how weirdly common it was between 2000 and 2008 for some very vocal people hate on Tails especially for the crime of being a kid, so Adult Tails tends to be a bit of a mess in those things. Like here!

---

Sonic: to somebody like that. It’s not your fault. Robotnik caused all of this.
Sally: But… what if… I mean, maybe I really am that horrible of a person. Oh, I knew I should’ve just-

(I’m cutting this off but it references THAT scene from after the time skip. So Sonic gets her back on her feet and tells her if Tails was serious he’d have left long ago instead of just now in a huff.)

(Same here. And now we’re gonna get to Sally recounting what happened the day the Great Forest was ambushed.)

(And we finally have one character acting like he usually did)

Sally: … it’s… never a pleasure, Doctor.
Tails: You big meanie! I don’t wanna be a robot! Let us go!
Robotnik: Hahaha! What’s that? Let you go? To where? Your forest is no longer safe. Your home is destroyed. Tell me, boy, how can you be better off not under my care?
Sally: Stop torturing the child, you monster!
Robotnik: Indeed I must appear to be a monster. But, back in the glorious days of the past, little rodents didn’t talk back.

(Funny, those “glorious” days you were fighting for King Acorn, remember Julius?)

Sally: Okay, Robotnik. You’ve won. The Great Forest is gone, all the other Freedom Fighters have been captured… take me too if you must. It doesn’t matter anyway… there’s nothing left for me here. But why must you hurt Tails? He’s too young to even understand his suffering.
Robotnik: Ha! Yes, I am proud to see there are still rodents who beg for mercy from the hands of Man. Well, princess, luckily I’m feeling generous today. I’m willing to let you and the small one go, so long as you march outward and never come near my machinery ever again.
Sally: … I’m confused. You’re a creature of lies, deciet, and ulterior motives… there has to be a catch.
Robotnik: Well, no, not as far as I’m concerned. However, what you must realize is, a normal, functioning roboticized citizen is unable to think or feel for themselves. Most higher-order brain functions are disabled and replaced with the control circuitry. The point being, princess, if I roboticize you and the fox, the two who were closest to the hedgehog, you will merely become robotic slaves and this all ends very anti-climatically. But if I let you live… you can remember for the remainder of your lives just exactly what you’ve lost; your friends, your love, his effective father. You have destroyed everything and are left with nothing. I am still in power and fully capable of continuing under my own discretion. For the rest of your life, princess, I expect you’re going to ask ‘Why?’ As enjoyable as this meeting has been, I have some other Freedom Fighter groups to eradicate to make sure that your pathetic resistance remains minimal. Good day.

(That IS an ulterior motive! You wanted total victory, which you explained comes from having a climactic ending on your hated foes!)

---

So this actually ended up being longer than I expected even with the cut lines, so we’re just going to brief on the next part: actual gameplay again.

We’ve got a map now! Our goal is uhhhh oh. I see a problem.

You can just bypass the levels. They also say Clear but we haven’t played them yet, guess it’s supposed to mean that’s the objective?

And if you get under the small shadow of this UFO, you’re pulled directly into another level.

Where you got to make like the Brave Little Toaster or else get crushed for an instant death! There’s also an incinerator at the end of the stage where if you run in you also automatically die! By the way, you can’t leave this stage until you beat it, if you forgot to save and don’t have save states to rely on this can be extremely nasty.
But we’re not going that way yet. You actually do need to clear out this series of levels first. I think. We are looking for the personal scrapyard of Robotnik, after all. So let’s instead show off the final bit: Hitting Start does send you to your base.

What a weird sign.

And here we can switch characters. Rather inefficient but hey. I haven’t seen how Sally works with the incinerator belt but I’m not in a rush.

So let’s recap. Sonic and Sally are going to Robotnik’s Scrap Yard up north to find the prototype teleporters. They don’t have any other leads or know if there’s an energy source to redo the time effect. The Time Stones might be in effect but they don’t seem to be anywhere (And might have been used up in the one SatAM episode where they try to stop Robotnik’s initial conquest?)

Also next time hopefully we’re going to finally meet Sonic-2, a character that was introduced originally after Sonic’s very first stage as well as the original plot around him, and a bit more talk about the overall plot so far. Who is Sonic-2? Well, the first DOS version he was portrayed by Metal Sonic so… yeah.

[yaodema]

well, at least one character sort of acts like they’re supposed to. you be you, past Tails.

the world map seems to be based off of Chrono Trigger’s AD 2300 map, but very linear, going by your screenshots. maybe that’s just a feel thing, though.

also what on Earth could CC36 even mean, what? I get the feeling that isn’t going to be explained.

[Riley]

Hello, this update is thanks to two factors:

1. I’ve been sick since Friday night so I haven’t had much energy to work on projects
2. The game file is glitched! Oh boy!

So yeah, that screenshot of the sign? That is actually the endgame password: There’s a keypad to the right of the bottom of the base that you put it in and you descend and fight the final boss (And the game is beatable at this point even with the broken boss patterns and trying to ever land a hit). It’s rather odd, too, because I did the data-erase stuff, it went through fine, but I should have known that the code being up meant I wouldn’t be able to proceed, most likely the flags for the stages weren’t reset correctly.

For the time being, I’m posting some snips of the stages from Sally’s side, and oh boy are there flaws.

The first stage is a dead forest complete with perfectly fine water. Sally’s stage involves going through a lot of the water. Swim? Oh no, we run through desperate to find air pockets (Or use a Water Shield).

A fitting example that this game is not made for Sally, you HAVE to take a hit on those spikes to get the shield. You can fire through the walls but, well, as you can see you have to take a hit on those other spikes as well.

Let’s talk about the Water Shield: Just like Sonic 3 you bounce when you hit Jump in the air, and you can breathe fine underwater. The bouncing, however, is more than useless: It hinders. You will immediately go down even if you didn’t jump, so if you walk off a cliff and tap Jump you’re going straight down, which is great in places when you otherwise could avoid damage if you kept going forward from your running momentum.

By the way, the Teleporter plotpoint of pods being hidden in the Great Forest justifies the mechanic being here in an otherwise mostly-nature stage.

Both those Monitors contain 1-Ups. The idea was the inside one Sally could get and Sonic could get the outside since they take different paths up the tree (Sonic bounces on branches outside, Sally is climbing the inside with even more water). But like I said, you can just shoot through the wall and claim both.

And here’s the most bullshit part of Sally’s path: I tried so hard to try to reach that platform but the only way I was able to get up there was glitching the water physics: By timing your entering/submerging just right the game will not register you leaving the water, which does have SOME bouyancy at least. However you also get stuck with not being able to breathe unless you have a Water Shield, and there are a LOT of flying enemies as you climb.
I have no idea if the Fire Shield disappears like in Sonic 3 upon hitting water, or the Lightning Shield. I’ll find out soon.

And our first proper end of stage without a boss has you spin a sign. That Monitor contains a Health Up, increasing our life guage a fair bit. Given the obstacles, yeah you’ll need it.

Oh yeah, forgot to show Sally’s overworld sprite. Weirdly she has the hair over one eye thing going here.

Well, here’s where things got a bit lazy. This is the scrapped Snail badnik from Sonic 2. It doesn’t do anything except flip in the air if the player gets close.

And here’s where things get bullshit: also removed from Sonic 2 are Redz. In this version they explode into chunks upon destruction that damage the player, which means Sonic is pretty much always going to get hit. They also hit HARD.

So what now? Well I’m finishing editing the next Mouse Guard episode first, but after that I’m going to hunt down a different source with the game and get back to this spot. If things differ enough I’ll post screenshots of Sonic’s side of these stages, but when we come back I’ll be going back into the story because, again, we need to meet Sonic-2 as well as check in on our two-tailed cusser.

[Riley]

Well hello, it has been a while! Many times I was thinking how to fix this so the levels would work properly but no results were popping up

Until today, when I figured that if older emulators worked it had to do with their saving function, and in this case I set the Save Type to Flash instead of Automatic. This left the files cleared and when I made one more attempt to go through the levels the flags finally worked proper.

And as proof, the first level you couldn’t even walk around and here you need to do the level to make the bridge appear, despite the wonky tiles to the right making it look like you just need to go through the woods.

---

Yup, it’s a boss fight! Meet the Shredder, who was very rude as to not clear said woods from the last screen for us to cross easily.

And by boss fight I mean ridiculously easy to exploit: keep running at it and jump. The blades will never make contact and you won’t take damage at all.

---

expect to run the matter decomposition array?!"
SWATbot: Correction noted, sir.
Snively: Just hurry. All non-essential projects are to be on hold until this is completed, do you understand?
(Snively is a big boy and will not scream “I want it NOW!!”)
SWATbot: Affirmative. All projects on hold. Priority one project status update – Side panel MDA is installed, conductive armor plating installed. MMIG installed.
Snively: Good. Snively out.
Ahh… the MMIG, Mental Memory Image Gate. Such a facinating(sic) device fabricated by Julian’s own hand. The ability to filter out and prevent access to existent memories but still allow usage of the skills already developed in the mind. The perfect device to create skilled roboticized citizen soldiers, well surpassing the meager directive-order intelligence of the SWATbots. I cannot help but wonder why Julian developed it and thusly destroyed the original prototype years ago and retained citizens as Workerbots only… perhaps we’d be much farther along if pesky Freedom Fighter types actually were fighting against like minds.
(Okay, let’s ignore the obvious story reason why Robotnik wouldn’t use the MMIG, and look at it from another obvious angle: This device would be a nightmare to mass produce, even if you only put it on a few. Plus, if the SWATbots were able to defeat the Freedom Fighters to begin with, what benefit would it provide to hack their minds over devoting the materials to mass produced bots instead?)

---

Sally: This is fine, trust me. With the Shredder down and the majority of the lingering inhabitants in the area cleanly disabled, I think the cold is all we have to worry about.
(well I already saw what’s up north I think there’s more to worry about :v )
Sally: Y’know… you’re a pretty tough guy. I can’t remember if I ever gave you enough… credit.
(Oh, awesome, I forgot this part of the writing where SALLY IS IN HER 20’S AND IS TRYING TO SEDUCE A 16 YEAR OLD SONIC
good news is nothing happens of this in the game but wow this is gross!!)


(I am withholding some lines that aren’t really lines so far as I refuse to transcribe this garbage. It ends eventually with Sonic being completely ignorant and taking it as a sign the two should make early progress.)

---

does a building have just outside the Great Forest en route to a junkyard?
Sonic: Beats me, but working outside lights says it has power, and I’ll bet it beats sleeping outside any night.

Sally: Robotnik leaving doors unlocked? He really must not want this place anymore. Maybe it’s even recently abandoned.
Sonic: Welcome home, Sal’.
And with that we’re actually at the base I showed off in a previous update.

---

All SWATbots immediately return to your regular working stations.

(“This registration code has already been claimed.”)


(That’s even worse than Sonic-2.)
53’: … System appears optimal, sir. But I detect non-standard equipment.

You are no longer classified as a Workerbot and your serial number is to be removed from the records. You are to report to me and only to me. Any actions on your behalf are to be under my order.
53’: I think that violates one of the three laws of Robotnik.
Snively: Three laws of…? I might as well tell you, you are a personal project of mine. You will contribute to the glory of Robotnik, so you need not fear retribution for following my orders. First, I have a specific location I need you to destroy. It has been the home of a long term enemy of Dr. Robotnik’s. The former Princess Sally Acorn.
(Not gonna tell him about Sonic, huh? RIP to you, buddy.)

the years she has been suchly located. But Master Robotnik certified her as no longer a threat and somehow I think…
Snively: I didn’t build you to think! Destroy the building, capture anyone you find there, and return them to me! Move out!
(Snively, you didn’t build him, you even mentioned that 53’ here was modified from a Workerbot.)

even concidering(sic) an alternative, that his trip might be a waste of time! I wonder if this MMIG device is more dangerous than I thought… worst of all, I did build him to think. Damn!
(This is also a change from the original Sonic Epoch where Sonic-2 was much more willing to do Snively’s dirty work, even suggesting to Snively to eliminate Sally and Sonic before Robotnik found out the hedgehog was still alive)

---

So now we’re caught up quite a bit, and we have a functioning game, much as I hesitate to call it that. By the way, missing a certain someone? He’ll be around next update.

[Riley]

No time like the present. Or, well, future present anyway.

---

Tails: Damn it, she’s gone. Am I too late? …


for real! So what’d you do with Sally, scumbag?

(Yeah Tails don’t be rude.)

53’: … and am currently seeking the princess as well. Would you happen to know where she is, or do I need to disrobe you of some skin?

(Had to use “disrobe” didn’t you.)

53’: … Oh my. Such bloodlust. I cannot fathom…
Tails: You are one ugly mutha…

(Tails’ sprite is currently flashing in and out. I do wish there was more work put into the special effects and I know regarding the shields it’s because it took up much less space than the Sonic 3 style auras, but this is feeling extremely phoned in.)

53’: … Not that you can hear me with your entire molecular system temporarily frozen. Off you go!

(I remember Sonic-2’s dialogue was at least extremely violent and threatening. 53’ is not doing a good job here of being a secret weapon of a force already in control of nearly all of the planet.)

53’: With a simple increase in power, I ought to be able to set all of the molecules of the entire building into an excited state. This ought to be quite fasinating(sic).

(53’ was one of those kids constantly reblogging “I Fucking Love Science” threads I bet.)

---

So, welcome to the base proper. The whiteboard is supposed to be our directive instead of the password to the last boss. Yeah, sorry about that. It does change though so no worries about it.

Which means we’re back in the scrap yard with horrible jumping and instant-kill incinerators. Yee haw.

So here’s the shield effect I mentioned before: they’re just tiny icons surrounding Sonic/Sally. Their jump-enchancements are garbage and more prone to kill you, but they at least serve as both an extra hit point and immunity to their element, in this case being the fire spots spread haphazardly around.

The Scrapyard Magnet is completely optional, you CAN get some items but if you were playing this game “fairly” you’ll notice you can’t easily stock up on items: you have a limit of 3 of each shield (Not sure about the fruit, which heals you by various amounts). But in any case, we have yet our next boss already, a hovership that fires electric bolts. Oh and guess what this takes place on another conveyer belt with an instant-kill incinerator.

By the way, the kill switch seems to be the compactor part, making it a crushing hazard. If you manage to slip into the actual fire pit you survive, not even bottomless!

Anyway, not much to write about this one either, the game even throws you an Electric Shield at the start, which not only gives the double jump so you can reliably hit the ship but it grants immunity to its energy cannon.

---

person found at the former location.
Snively: What? Are you sure?! This can’t be right! That damn squirrel of a princess hasn’t left that dump in years! Certainly you’ve made an error?!

(I called attention to Tails swearing right away but let’s talk about how Snively keeps saying “damn”. If you really wanted this to go all gritty-dark, the least they could have done was have “dammit” in there. When you’re only using “damn” it comes off as “I am sophisticated but I must curse… DAMN.” This especially contrasts with Snively’s character as a whole. I mean, besides how everything else in this game contradicts the actual characters.)

affiliate known as Tails was the only one present within a reasonable area.

Snively: You keep quiet, you little twit. I don’t really have any need for you. Behave and I might even release you back to the wild, neh-heh.

(You know what, there’s one character I’d love to have seen swear: Robotnik going “Shut the fuck up, Snively.” Unfortunately it doesn’t happen, in fact Robotnik’s interactions with Snively have been really shallow.)

Tails: Rrrgh, your kind is all the same! Why don’cha come in here and say that, huh, punk?!
Snively: Do you see what we’re wasting our time with?! He is nothing to us!

(53’ hanging his head low like he genuinely liked Tails. Poor guy.)

Snively: Fool! Don’t you see that every minute the princess is free the hedgehog is also out there, threatening to be found by Dr. Robotnik?! Do you know what will happen if Robotnik finds him first??!

(The more I think about it the less this makes sense. Why is Sonic still top protocol? The best explaination I can give is this is a leftover from the original script where Sonic-2 was built in the present time and given the Metal Sonic treatment of that being his primary target. After the timeskip, Sonic-2 is forced to obey his decade-old protocols of not engaging Sonic and reporting back to Snively right away before they make the decision to actually attack him. However, this makes no sense now since 53’ is made from an old Workerbot combined with the MMIG.

I’m putting way too much thought into this.)

hanging with is this ugly dude, wasn’t it?
Snively: No. I cannot imagine even the thought of Sonic existing being humorous, let alone the reality. But I know he is here. I’ve seen him and one can never forget the face that brings so much pain from your double-sized uncle.
(Haha! More fat jokes! So classic!)
Snively: But what’s with you anyway, fox? I’d be certain you were glad to find your long lost friend.
Tails: Fuck. I don’t care if it is Sonic. I mean, at least if it’s a fake Sonic robot or something I can blame you for being a jackass, but… Sonic walked out on us without a word a long time ago. Believing he was killed in action was at least a light comfort in the midst of it being traumatic. But knowing he’s alive… And knowing that he did this to Sally…

(This is supposed to support that Tails believes Sonic is a fake, and a part is how everyone else has clearly aged, even Sally somehow has Venus-like hair. Problem is, Sonic has proof by maintaining his speed. Looking back at the old DOS game again, this was somewhat solved by Sonic-2 being fast himself.)

mean, Sally’s not all there upstairs anymore. It’s like Sonic just walking back in has put her into some type of fantasy where she’s warped herself back to the 10 or so years ago Sonic disappeared.

(Oh, whoops. It HAS been about 10 years. It was just written in an even more awkward manner.)

think I’ll let you out just because of a mushy performance. My wonderful new soldier here can simply vaporize you to a fine layer of thin ash like he did with your old shack. Now be quiet you little twit and sit tight.
Tails: Shit, do I have a choice?

(Really though, 53’ looks like he just wants to give a hug with his “menacing” pose there.)

[Riley]

I need to get a count of the number of SatAM theme variations happened between all versions of the game. The most constant one is a downer slow tempo version for whatever reason, and we haven’t encountered a Power Ring yet but I believe that has a version, and the DOS version has a few as well on top of one for the dummied out form of Sonic using the Deep Power Stones.

do this anymore!

(You’d think there would be plenty of good scrap especially now that the Gunship is down, but no we’re only being direct in our scavenging. Ugh.)

hectic enough.

(From a 2004 mindset, I feel like Sally would be saying this line while destroying something, not yelling into the earth in a depressed state)

Guess it starts at home.)

(I had to do a double take. Sonic is more concerned about Tails’ origins with bad words, and then he just runs off.
WHAT THE FUCK, SONIC, I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU EVEN IN A FANFIC GAME.)

(This was literally a small frame shift to the right.)

Sally: A uhm… ‘Freez Unit’? I dunno, is it a refrigerator?

(Three laser blasts fire above their heads here)

Sonic: I don’t know what you’re saying, but I’ll come with you.

(Sonic, he can really move, Sonic, he’s got an… attitude???)

actually held any prisoners here since… forever.
Sonic: Alright, Ratso. What are we prisoners for anyway?
Facade: Heh, I’m a bit sensitive about my experiment stations. The guys who stopped you were only doing their job of guarding the ‘Freez Unit’… but we’re mostly used to the occasional lost robot scratching it or something.
Sonic: But we weren’t doing anything but lookin’!
Sally: It’s true, Mr. … umm…
Facade: Facade, Patrick Facade, and you’d do good to remember I’m the boss around here. Anyway, look, since you’re the first non-robotic strangers we’ve seen for quite a while, we need to hold you over until we can find out more about you. You can wander around town… but stay within Kumquat Village and return here tonight and every night until I’m ready to let you go, okay?
Sonic: Hey, Sal’, do you smell Robuttnik?

In fact, Robotnik can’t even see us because of the camouflaging transmitters I invented.

(He just runs off with this text box.)

Sally: That’s the most blantantly obvious hint of the suspicious I’ve ever seen!
Sonic: Well, yeah, Ratso’s obviously a rat. But what’re you gonna do?

(What the fuck Sonic?!!)

Sally: I vote we talk to the other settlers and see if they can’t hint what’s really going on around here…
Sonic: You sure about that, Sal’? I mean… maybe these are actual Freedom Fighters. Ratso did say he built those disguise thingies and maybe that’s really keeping 'em safe.
Sally: You’re cute when you get all hopeful. But c’mon, what’re the odds some Freedom Fighters could possibly build some place out in the open and dodge Robotnik just by blocking radio or radar or whatever? We barely survived in a forest.

(I just want to point out at this time in the Archie Comics I’m pretty sure there were many branches of Freedom Fighters all over Moebius. In fact, I’m pretty sure an ocean-based team would have survived pretty well even with these conditions.)

Sonic: Right! Off we go to the land of the Kumquat Villagers!
Sally: And we’ll meet up back here later and… discuss the findings.

(So, let’s get ready to meet the villagers here!)

---

Sonic: Uh, yes, hello.
Mic Guy: The audience here today likes to call me ‘Heartless’, just because I have a tendacy to never cease smiling!
Sonic: Okay, uh, since you’re freakin’ out the hedgehog and all, mind at least telling me what you’re so happy about?
Mic Guy: Absolutely nothing! But do you know what the depression of losing a loved one such as your wife to Robotnik would do to a person?! Ha! I’d much rather choose to just be loud and falsely cheerful, at least then things can get done around here!

(His mic isn’t even plugged into anything, he’s probably just holding it to help stay in character. Poor guy.)

Sonic: Uhh… what do you do exactly?
Mic Guy: … go away, kid, ya bother me.

(Good call. Why does Sonic have more of an attitude to other people instead of to the Robotnik Empire?)

hur hur hur!
Sally: Scum pit, eh? Compared to what? This place isn’t too bad…
Squirrel: Hur hur hur! We used to have ourselves a nice place, and there used to be a will to fight Robotnik, hur hur!
Sally: Oh? What happened?
Squirrel: Hur hur! Robotnik found us, somehow managed to just keep pouring in SWATbots all over, we couldn’t even tell where they were coming from, hur hur! Robotnik captured most of us, including Patrick, hur hur, our leader. Somehow though, Pat got free, didn’t save anybody though, hur hur!

(For a nameless NPC, this guy has a good bit of backstory. Odd complaint but seems to be an ex-Freedom Fighter which would have been a nice touch.)

Sally: Did Patrick seem uh… different after that?
Squirrel: Oh yeah, hur hur, surely. We figure it was Robotnik that did it, Robotnik could do that to anybody, hur hur.
Sally: Okay… well… nice talking with you, I guess.
Squirrel: Hur hur, anytime. Sorry I’m not much of a conversationalist, hur hur.

zee idea!

(Yup, get ready for a German accent done completely in text.)

Sonic: Er… who is that Patrick guy anyway?
Guard: Er ist dum kopf!

(Wait, dummkopf? Did he call Patrick an idiot? Sonic the idiot?)

Sonic: Don’t you guys have bigger things to worry about? Like Robotnik?
Guard: Der Robotnik! Ja, der Patrick handled him! Der Patrick knows about zee operations. Aber der Patrick ist not like dee uber volk!

(I am so sorry I typed this out.)

Sonic: ‘Oo-ber volk?’
Guard: Ja! Die uber volk! You know, of dee gross wald! … zay hide in zee trees? Und attack Robotnik? Vith zee running und zee screaming und zee Snively!!
Sonic: Oh! Yeah, they were pretty good, weren’t they?

zee uber volk were destroyed. Die gross wald vas also destroyed. Der leader was ein dum kopf!
Sonic: … So uh, anyway, what about you guys being safe? How’s that work?
Guard: Der Patrick hat ein device. Zee blocks zee transmissions und der Robotnik can nicht finden! Zee device ist all around zee village. Igel! Don’t be ein dum kopf!

(I think this guy actually has a name but I’m not going to spend the effort to look for it.)

Bird Boy: Nothin’ much! I’d say the only good thing about all this mess we’re in, is that even at my age I got my own room!
Sally: Ah, so you’re a big boy now! What do you think of all the people around here?
Bird Boy: What do I think? Eh, Dr. Patrick Facade, the guy who makes and fixes stuff has that guy Marty livin’ with him… Marty’s nice, not too bright though. Then there’s that freaky big, fat guy, lives in one of the other rooms, always smiling and carrying a mic around like he’s announcing a race or something!

(He speaks like an obnxious teen, not a “big boy”.)

Bird Boy: Then there’s some shorty guy who’s always dressed like he’s goin’ somewhere, even though there ain’t no place to go. Then there’s the guards who are all that’re left from when my daddy used to fight Robotnik. They say Robotnik got my daddy. Then there’s… um… an old guy, he sorta talks funny… Ooh, then lastly there’s Katrina, she’s creepy.
Sally: Thank you, you’ve been a big help. (Creepy Katrina, eh? I’ll have to talk to her…)

---

I’m gonna call it here for now, there’s a couple villagers left including the second woman character in the entire game. Yeah, we never had Bunnie, Lupe, or anyone show up even in the past. Spoilers: Bechdel test failed.

[Riley]

Bit of a heads up, this update contains a bit of sexual themes, namely talk about prostitution and allusions to virginity. Nothing is shown, just dialogue.

---

So speaking of Deep Power Stones, let’s talk about sources of power that are in the SatAM continuity yet not even mentioned in the game.

First, there’s the Power Rock which generates the Power Rings. In SatAM, it was basically Sonic’s ace in the hole to get himself and the Freedom Fighters out of a jam. The main drawback besides a limited amount of time was that the Power Rock could only spit out a ring in the lake every 12 hours, and in one episode Sonic broke off a chunk so I’m just going to hazard a guess and say it could take up to 24 hours. Power Rings ARE a thing, but we still haven’t exactly found them, and while it’s probably I missed one or two, it was pretty much also confirmed that there’s barely any Rings in the Advance version, while the DOS version had one in I believe the fourth or fifth level, which was originally clearing out the factory that would be used as base.

This was actually brought up in a line once in the DOS version, and I assume they would have been collectible. The Deep Power Stones are pretty much all the Chaos Emeralds in one but split into two pieces, with both Robotnik and the Freedom Fighters collecting one each in one episode and are finally used together in the final episode. The problem is, that is the last episode, where Robotnik is defeated and the story would have shifted to Snively and Naugus. One piece was already in Robotnik’s possession, but oddly the line talks like he never even had it.

And look what we have here, the Time Stones. Very likely it was inspired by Sonic CD, this was a two-parter that came out nearly a year after the game came out. These are far more straight forward but the episodes were mostly a “you can’t change the past” message, except they did change time a bit: a character survived roboticization (and was never mentioned again but to be fair I think this was near the end of the second season) and Sally obtained the original Roboticizer plans (that I think Uncle Chuck drafted?)

To be fair, it’s possible to assume the Power Rock failed after Knothole Village was conquered, and I’m not going to blame the maker for skipping over the Time Stones since there were two requirements to make them work: there needs to be two users holding onto one half each, and they need to be in sync with their thoughts about where they wish to travel. Who would go back in time with Sonic in that case? That’s already a can of worms that’s best left untouched, especially since the case of time travel here was through screwed up teleporters.

The Deep Power Stones I do believe was part of the original game but it was not what would net the player the Good Ending. That would require assembling a different device entirely.

---

about… ‘course, ain’t many around ta begin wit’. I recommend you keep an eye on that girl you brought wi’ch’a… you might note there’s a low occurance(sic) of women in this place. I only hope you don’t have to find out why. Take my word for it and keep the girl indoors at night.

(AND I’M SUCH A NICE GUY TOO WHY DO THE FEMALES SKIP TOWN WHEN I GO OUTSIDE)

Sonic: Cryptic, guy. But really, I wanted to know what Patrick is like…
Old Guy: Eh… we all know he’s up to somethin’. And we all know it can’t be a mistake that the handful of us here were spared. Let’s put it this way, Patrick and Katrina were out leaders, but the rest of us were mostly guys who just helped around the home base or took shelter without really contributing at all.

(And then he slips into “well duh it’s all suspicious, we’re kinda at their mercy anyway”)

Sonic: I think I get it. You guys are all captured by Robotnik and Patrick manages to free only himself, his girl, and then… a bunch of homesitters?

(There was a SatAM episode I recall that Sally got pissed off at Sonic using the term “my girl”. Just an observation here.)

Old Guy: Yeah… I admit it, we weren’t the fighting force of the bunch. And Katrina… well, she didn’t turn out so well in the end. Ironically, it protects her, though.
Sonic: Uh… ‘it’?
Old Guy: Trust me… it’s just not worth finding out about. Any luck and your girl is already safe.

(ooooohhh CHRIST.)

Sally: Oh, well… actually I came by to ask you about Patrick…
Katrina: Ha! That rat! Why, you wanna be his new girlfriend? All came to ask if we’re a couple or something?
(Honestly I’m surprised they didn’t talk about Sonic instead. Still, hey two women on the same screen AND they’re talking! That counts for something, right? Right?)
Sally: No no! That’s now what I wanted at all! Aren’t you suspicious about what he’s doing in this place?
Katrina: Suspicious? Sitting in his little room yelling at someone all night? He’s probably crazy, hon’. Or found some little bitch to push around.
Sally: Okay, I’m feeling tension here. I take it you and Patrick were a couple at some point?
Katrina: Nyah, bright little bitch, ain’cha? Nyah, a cat and mouse couple, who could believe such a thing? Nyah, the cat and mouse couple. Not a social norm perhaps, but we were happy.

(It’s 2004, it’s the same year the first “There She Is!!” animation came out, people were in love with the different species metaphor for racism.)

Front Freedom Fighters. Patrick was always the brains, and I was the main fighter type. Worked out real well, y’know? Even though any ‘Fighter Group always thought they were safe just by their own luck, none of us knew it was the Great Forest Freedom Fighters that were keeping Robotnik the most irritated. We didn’t know, of course, until they were ruined and then Robotnik suddenly had the desire to destroy the rest of us one by one.
Sally: Yes, I see. And I perfectly understand the … balance of such a great relationship. But what happened? I mean… I don’t see a lot of other girls around here or anything…
Katrina: Nyah, see, it ain’t even like that. After we were all captured by Robotnik, he let me, Patrick, and a bunch of lazy asses go. Patrick just seemed changed forever from the whole event. Locked himself up in his room and just stopped talking to me. On the few times I did see him, he’d give me this frightened glare and continue on his way, never sayin’ nothing.
Sally: Well, surely Robotnik did something to him. Threatened him maybe.

even slept wit’ one of the dumpy guys around here to invoke jealousy. Didn’t work though, and I just sorta ended up as the local whore. I mean, not that I care. What the hell am I gonna wait for, anyway? My heart’s scarred and I’m living with a bunch of horny bastards.
Sally: Wow… I’m really sorry. That’s awful.
Katrina: Nyah, doesn’t matter. At this point it’s hopeless anyway.

(So yup, if the outfit and cigarette waving stereotype didn’t tell you yet, Katrina is a prostitute.)

long since given up for quite a few years now, but all it took was a little inspiration from an old friend, and we’ve managed to trash robots from the Great Forest through the junkyard nearby here.

(Cause that isn’t an old friend that’s literally the guy flung into the far future still able to fight)

Sally: Ah! Right. Speaking of which, I should go find where he’s at! Sorry to cut it short.
(And they switched from talking about one guy to another.)
Katrina: Nyah, that’s okay… I’ve got some stuff to think about…

---

Sally: I’ll admit, a lot of these folks are pretty surreal to talk to.
Sonic: But at least we know that Ratso is up to something! And we’re gonna find out what!
Sally: I agree! Well, this should be Patrick’s room; saved the best for last…


busy.

(Everyone is just tired of Sonic’s nicknaming so they’re starting to actually say their names first.)

Sonic: Doing what?!
Marty: It’s secret and he can’t risk being bothered.
Sally: Please, Marty, sir. We’ve gathered quite a bit of evidence that everyone suspects he’s up to possible risky deals with Robotnik. For the sake of the Kumquat villagers, let us through the door!

(We even have evidence YOU suspect him!)

Marty: Nuh-uh. If Patrick wants to see you, he’ll call. But right now, you should go home, 'cause otherwise I might have to carry you back.

images?

(What a twist, it was Snively that Patrick was yelling at! Classic Snively!)

Patrick: No, sir! The hedgehog fella and that ground squirrel are the two who arrived here. Why are you so worried?
Snively: Never mind! I’ll be sending out an agent shortly. Do not let them out of your sight!
Patrick: Don’t worry, sir. I’ve got armed guards. Plus they’ve been snooping around, but fortunately the sorry lot I’m stuck with will only feed them red herrings for a week.
Snively: Excellent. I’m trusting you. Don’t let me down.
Patrick: (Not only will I not let you down, I’ll take care of half your troubles before you get here…)

(I have to admit, this part here was a bit clever. You know Facade is up to something but it’s so obvious it loops around in a weird way. Also in the original game, Robotnik already found out about Sonic at this point, so it switched this around so Snively is dealing with the situation instead. Unfortunately that last line there is our lead into the worst part of this game.)

ALL ABOARD THE CREEPY CAROUSEL

[Riley]

HEY WE GET EVEN MORE FUCKED UP TALKING ABOUT VIRGINS/VIRGINITY HERE also starting to ramp up the misogyny

---

Master: Yeeeeeee! What is it, my faithful servant?
Daemon Bug: Subservient Patrick has obtained a new worthy host body!

(Oh Christ.)

Master: Servant, I demand quality!
Daemon Bug: Quality you shall have! The princess it is!
Master: Yeeeeeee! Refined! The Jewel of the Former Kingdom! If this claim is true, you must return her to me!
Daemon Bug: Her you shall have! Patrick does not lie!

(I mean, he does :v But he wants to save his skin so)

Master: This shall be a glorious night. All daemons assume guard positions! The entertainment will arrive shortly!

---

Sonic: Uh, okay. I’ll just wait here then I guess…

junkyard thing and now he’s captured in some crazy village with a bunch of twisted liars…)

(How is Sonic “captured”, these people have like two armed guards and they’re in the treetops. Plus, given Sally’s cunning, she’d instead note they’re humoring them in staying around.)

Sally: (Pretty high up… it is nice air up here… I wonder what it’d be like… to fly…)

(Yeah it actually hangs on the screen like that a bit, Sally shouting in the meantime)

---

Patrick: Robotic Demons from Beyond! How could this happen?!

Sonic: with the hedgehog since I got here, and now I’m mad. So what exactly was that thing? And don’t try any more of this lying stuff or else you’ll be missing some of your incisors.

(I don’t think I was ever prepared to see someone ever write Sonic threatening to knock someone’s teeth out.)

Patrick: Hey, easy buddy. I swear, I got nothin’ to do with what happened to your girl! I swear!
Sonic: 30 seconds is my limit, Ratso.

(In the DOS version, Sonic was more apt to call him “Ratso” and Patrick was not happy about this nickname. Kind of another thing entirely dropped in this version.)

Patrick: Alright, alright! I’m just embarrassed to discuss it, that’s all. There’s an old house on the hill, and it houses some weird mind controller Robotnik built! The controller has servers it calls ‘Daemons’ that go out whenever it calls. Mainly it’s seeking out female virgins, or whatever comes closest. C’mon, ain’t ya ever read a vampire story?

(What the fuck kind of vampire stories are there in SatAM)

prostitution.

(Sonic finally goes for the kill.)

just wait till I come back and give you what you deserve for what you did to her tonight.

(I really have no words for all of this otherwise.)

Sonic: I can’t even imagine what they might be doin’ to Sal’… what they did to other innocent girls of that village… Man, this hero stuff is dirty work.

(Sonic the Hedgehog, well known for his light-hearted adventures saving the planet from a mad scientist who captures woodland creatures and make them pilot robots shaped like different animals.)

So welcome to the mansion, home of, you guessed it, bats! These bats are special, the game seems to just let them bypass shields and still drain your health.

There’s a poorly rendered portrait of King Acorn here just out of the blue.

You also have small dragons that shoot fireballs. The fire shield actually deflects them back… doing no damage. Oh well. So this entire mansion is very padded out with manuevering between floors. Get to one end, climb stairs, get to the other, repeat. In fact, we end up finding a peculiar item to sort of help with our ascension.

WE FINALLY FOUND A POWER RING. Much like the cartoon, Sonic becomes energized and runs much faster with this, and his running is now turned into some form of attack. Note, he’s not invincible, he just seems to be able to now deal damage from regular running. Disappointing, the DOS version also left a trail of fire behind Sonic when he was running while powered up, which is missing here.

The top is a fight against one of the Daemon Bugs. Here’s where the fights get annoying instead of hard. The Daemon Bug flies around at top and tends to go off screen. It can sometimes summon bats but at this point they’re hardly noticable, and it can shoot off fireballs, but not from far away. Still, I ended up using a piece of fruit to help restore health, even though they’re just so rare. I think I need to use Sally to find more. Once beaten it goes down in a ball of fire.

Which makes the mansion catch on fire apparently. Whoops.

There’s no enemies going back down but somehow going down the stairs is a mess, you either keep bumping your head so you have to spindash out or, well, this happens. Doesn’t trap you at least.

And at the bottom we find four balls of fire and King Acorn relieved this is his last scene in the entire game.

And next update is going to absolutely suck.

[yaodema]

That “Daemon” pun could have been funny, but it just kinda lands as an “I did a linux once” between the delivery and … all of this. I’m guessing it’s never explained why these robots do any of this.

[Riley]

Prefacing this with more for two parts: There’s more explicit talk here, particularly sadomasochist dialogue regarding the Daemon Bot. Second part I also blurred out but contains more talk of virginity as well as talking a bit about body horror.

I accidentally unplugged my computer while having part of this initially typed out, as if to try to stop me from THIS PART. Hello, let’s dive into the Mansion Basement.

---

(She’s in her new cosplay! She’s a demon on heels!)

Sonic: … Of course. Do ya think I would’ve just let you get carried off by a Daemon Bot?

Sonic: Hey, you’re just some other Daemon metalhead! What’re you doin’ to Sal’?!

DaemonSally: What, meeeeee? I’m merely exercising my natural ability to steal the mental functions away from a sentinent(sic) being. Possession.

(Boo! Missed opportunity for an “exorcism” pun!)

Sonic: Okay… why?

(Here it comes.)

right?

treasures!

(SONIC HERE, THE ONLY THING WAY COOLER THAN A CHILI DOG IS DRINKING YOUR WOMEN-RESPECTING JUICE)

DaemonSally: I shall hurt you, then.

And now we finally get to the boss fight and oh my GOD the background music is a fucking mess. The boss fight itself, believe it or not, is practically a repeat of the Daemon Bot from the top of the mansion, except here the arena is smaller and instead DaemonSally teleports every few seconds which, believe it or not, makes this easier! Equip a fire shield once again to neutralize the fireballs.

Just like the bats, If she comes into contact with Sonic she drains his health. This also bypasses the shield but that at least means you can’t lose your shield to keep deflecting. Her last attack is a weird goo-blob attack that makes Sonic stick in place for a few seconds, which if you jump into just suspends him in his spin attack and damages DaemonSally all the same. By the way you might notice the Save/Load State overload in the corner of the two screenshots there. I really wanted a good shot of each attack and the goo one especially is hard to get it centered on. DaemonSally tends to teleport either off screen or right next to you so you’re probably jumping in anticipation.

(I am not kidding there was a cartoon spring sound effect as that part flew off Sally.)

that? You got no chivalry!

of Robotnik. My duty was to enslave the mind of citizens to gain control of their miiinds. I was tested on Snively… yeeeee… And he was a very angry man. I learned raaaage for men, I loathe them, and I loathe you.

woman’s body and abusing it for battle purposes way worse than seeking vengance on guys?
Master Daemon: Yeeeee! I never had to battle before. No one could ever get passed(sic) my personal arsenal of Daemon robots! Except you… yessss… Sonic Hedgehog. I know you. She could see you. She wanted to cry out, I could feeeeeeel it, yeeeee! I will tell Robotnik… mayhaps

contact him now, and then I die.
Sonic: Okay, Sal’, I’m gettin’ you outta here pronto.

---

So, if you’re just wanting to scream “what the FUCK is all this”, lemme give a helpful recap. So Robotnik built the Master Daemon Bot and tested it on Snively because apparently it was more important to test on a human instead of an animal-person, from there it picked up hatred of Robotnik which Robotnik did not seem to care about in the first place despite the fact he was probably recording the data, and from that it somehow turned into loathing of all men. It then located itself and its drones near a settlement which housed refugees that mostly were left alone because the actual fighters were captured, but it’s mostly men staying there because the Master Daemon Bot goes after particularly women, but not just any women they have to be virgins (or according to the dialogue, close to it) so Katrina, who is a prostitute, is left alone because she’s had relations with men. The Master Daemon Bot then wants to possess its captive and calls out Sonic to attack Sally while she’s possessed because the best way to get revenge on men is to make a woman fight against her will. The Master Daemon Bot did not realize it could be defeated because it made such a perfect costume accessory, and in its final moment of hating Robotnik before dying it will report its latest report to Robotnik. Because fuck Sonic.

Starting to miss Asshole Tails yet?

So, I need to type up something more, but this is a big ol because it’s much more explicit about the virginity thing and while I’m HOPING sexual assault isn’t part of it, there sure is some fucking body horror, and this is all regarding the original DOS version.

---

Let’s rewind the story a bit. In the original DOS version, Patrick Facade was actually a nervous wreck instead of this more one-dimensional hoax guy. At this point, Robotnik already found out about Sonic reappearing and was the one contacting Patrick. Knowing Sonic and Sally would be taken to the settlement by the guards, Robotnik kept tabs with Patrick at the time and had the Daemon Bots contacted to abduct Sally. Patrick was not happy about this but had to oblige for the settlement’s sake.

Here’s the nasty part: The Daemon Bots are much more upfront about their man hatred and only begrudgingly follow Robotnik’s orders since, well, creator and all. However, the mansion had a more slasher feel to it, complete with I believe the King Acorn painting coming to life when you come back down. Moreso, Sally is presented less like a fantasy demon and more horrific, including what seems to be blood vessels attached from breast to hand. The worst is how after the fight Sally needs bed rest right away, yet strangely is rather calm afterwards. This was changed so much in the GBA where it’s implied the getup was just a ridiculous outfit and Sally was mostly unharmed.

Actually no the worst is for as nightmarish as that part is, IT’S SKIPPABLE. After being taken to Kumquat Village, you originally had control and just walked around talking to NPCs. If you talk to everyone, Sally instead stays indoors during the night, the Daemon Bot believes Robotnik lied about Sally being there, and you skip to the next day where you start your Good Ending quest.

Now that the gross stuff is out of the way, I should also mention that a bit more backstory was given in the DOS version: The Master Daemon was constructed as a temporary mind control device capable of escorting stronger resistance so they can be roboticized more easily. However, the testing on Snively also had the excuse that this picked up emotion instead of logical thoughts, leading somehow to the Daemon concluding this is a hatred of men. It then ended up creating its own drones and Robotnik just left it be, somehow believing even his own creation wouldn’t try anything.

So why am I replaying this? It was the early 2000’s, I was really curious about a SatAM game, and to be fair the DOS and final versions were really impressive especially during a time when most fangames were done in The Games Factory and Multimedia Fusion. It’s a hell of a trip seeing such an old fan work that I’ve seen before, even if it has aged like milk in a desert.

Well, good news. We’re out of this neck of the woods. We’ve got new stages to go through, including one with decent music.

[Riley]

Well here comes a massive update! Now that we’re out of the mansion, things are gonna look up. Somewhat.

(Well, not looking up for Kumquat Village but oh well.)

to do anything? You were supposed to just hold them there!

(Snively why are YOU angry? You’re the one that had the Daemon Bot tested on in the first place.)

Marty: Doc, let’s just get outta here!
Snively: Go ahead and run you worthless animals! My new soldier is about to arrive to permanently wipe your village off the map!
Patrick: But what about the others…? My poor Katrina…
(It’s too late, Ratso, you had character development too late!)

(I’m just saying, a good way to know how Snively would talk would be to ask yourself “is this something Charlie Adler would say”.)

Katrina… I wonder exactly what Snively was going to do…)

(Blowing the village up seems a good guess.)

… and… now it’s… gone!

(Hey Sal’! Ain’t it WEIRD how there’s charred remains of bedrooms here?)

(Sonic is one thing but Sally is seriously underreacting to this.)

Sonic: I got a bad feelin’ about this one, Sal’.

Sonic: Wait a sec’… who are you?

---

So as I brought up before, in the DOS version Sonic-2 already met the original Sonic, in fact it was before his time fling, and several times after. Here, they took all that out with 53’, and on top of that this part of the story is very different: Sonic-2 didn’t have anything to do with Kumquat Village being burned down, that was a roboticized Dulcy doing the job. There’s also an entire stage missing of going through a collapsing Kumquat Village but now that I remember the platforming hell it was, it’s probably for the best, especially when you were forced to use both Sally and Sonic.

---

to an effective battalion in one soldier.

Sonic: Basically another metalhead. A loudmouth metalhead.

manipulate matter and alter its properties on the fly!

(Don’t make promises you can’t keep, 53’.)

53’: Now you, Sonic, have succeeded in ruining Snively’s delicate balance of trust with the Overlord Robotnik. Now my dear creator will suffer needlessly for your crimes.

(I can’t tell if development held Sally in high regards or really hated her, especially because at this point 53’ seems to cut Sally’s face a bit.)

53’: For me, death is merely a state. For you, it is eternity. I am able to be repaired, but your existence is lost forever. It is a pity, really.

(Until nobody alive is able to repair you, you dolt. Also for some reason Sally’s mouth keeps opening like she’s talking, but it doesn’t stop. Each character’s talking animation stops after a set time, but she keeps opening her mouth.)

(So Sonic steps forward and 53’ turns around)

Er… not that you can hear… bah!

This job is so easy… why didn’t Snively build me a long time ago? His uncle was foolish to not employ this MMIG technology!

(Cut from the DOS version again, we already know one way the MMIG can malfunction.)

(And then 53’ falls over as Sally sighs in relief.)

---

This isn’t a meta reference, I will say though we’re finally going to get some Robotnik time.

Sonic: Bruises mostly… other than that, be glad this hedgehog has had lots of bot-bustin’ experience to toughen up the ol’ bod’.

(You got flung like a sack of potatoes after being in a suspended state, you were pretty much useless Sonic.)

acting sooner.
Sonic: No biggie. The important thing is that we’re okay… and the metalhead doesn’t know about this place. At least, I sure hope he doesn’t.
Sally: I can’t imagine he does. I hit a power regulator located on his neck. Instant ‘death’ for any of Robotnik’s mechs. Of course, I probably should’ve taken the body with us…

(And risk 53’ somehow coming back online? No thanks.)

limited space. Plus he’s kinda freaky lookin’. Anyway, I doubt any roboticized guy – even a crazy one like that – would really cause anyone to go lookin’ for him.

(Hey remember when Kumquat Village was burned to the ground?)

When the Daemon Bug had me mentally linked, apparently it worked bidirectionally. As I was connected to the entire database of Robotnik’s own systems! He’s been busy since we last tangled with him!

(Well yeah it’s been about a decade of course he’s been scheming and working.)

Sonic: Busy? How’s that?
Sally: Robotnik’s been working on a horrid device listed simply as ‘The Freezer’. Theoretically what will happen is that several satellite ‘Freez Units’ will output a light weight but very dangerous gas that will effectively seal the atmosphere… It would result in temperatures dropping rapidly to levels way below life supporting! The goal is to create an ideal environment for electronics and machinery to operate without worry of heat wear and, of course, to eliminate any remaining struggle against Robotnik.

(Are you sure this plan even makes SENSE.)

Sally: The Daemon Bug seemed sure about it! Well, to check if the information is correct, here’s what we do – south of where Kumquat Village was located, there should be a clocktower. Obviously a strange piece to be standing alone, but it kept possible Freedom Fighters from ever suspecting anything about it, assuming it was merely a remnant from earlier times.

(The dialogue is starting to trip me up a bit but apparently a lone clocktower somehow never attracted people to search it. I’m not sure what “earlier times” refers to, it might be before Robotnik’s initial roboticization wave before the start of the SatAM series, which is extremely weird given scavenging is totally a thing even in this game since that’s what got us to Kumquat Village to begin with.)

Sonic: What’s inside it?
Sally: A large scale power generator. Or so it was described. The generator is suppsoed to be powering the main factories readying the gas and charging the release devices while they’re on standby.
Sonic: Simple enough! Let’s take down that generator!
Sally: Hopefully we’ll get the chance! At 12 o’clock every day, the clock is supposed to teleport in anyone awaiting outside the face for maintenence or whatever. It’s the only way to get inside.

(Weren’t teleporters extremely rare until Robotnik managed to perfect them and invaded Knothole? How is that working on a supposedly relic of earlier times?)

Now that we can revisit our base we can switch back to Sally, however I am going to remain playing Sonic. Long as our health bar holds we can at least get through stages faster. Aside from pit traps.

Yeah it’s just right there. Looks more like a library with a clock on top honestly.

But the inside is just platforms. Welcome to the clock tower, and the music here is pretty good, complete with some ticking to compliment the beat. Unfortunately the platforming here has a few missteps.

We’re searching for the way up top and there’s plenty of teleporters to get us around. There’s some nooks and crannies that hold gems and shields but otherwise fairly straight forward. The only enemies here are mech guard dogs.

Not sure why we couldn’t just climb the outside, remember how in SatAM’s intro Sonic could easily run up walls?

With the signpost spun, we now wait and the clock strikes 12, teleporting us in.

I’m splitting this update into two updates, I’ll upload the next bit shortly. We’ve got a lot to cover here.

[Riley]

It’s more clock tower! This level becomes more irritating as now we have to deal with SWATBots and Fire Streams. Electric Shields block the SWATBots lasers but the Fire Shield nullifies the fire streams haphazardly placed all over the level. It’s hard to dodge one or the other so have fun with that.

Teleporters now lead to more powerups, although still haven’t found any fruit since the garbage dump levels, and those only contained the first tier of fruit.

There’s conveyer belts but there isn’t really much to them. Although if you happen to spindash back this way you

Oh.

Well luckily we’re back in an actual room with another teleporter. That’ll get us back on track.

Well don’t you look familiar.

(Y’all may groan at this but I found this easter egg kinda cute)

Marty: But didn’t he used to be like 12 feet tall…?
Doc: While our time appears to yet again be 3245, the location and our erect hedgehog friend have changed drastically! Apparnetly someone has altered the course of the timeline to create this alternate 3245…


Sonic: Mind letting me in on the joke, here?

(So here’s the thing: this was an easter egg in the original DOS version as well, and even the same level! The 12 feet tall bit was in reference to how large the sprites were in the DOS game, and even there it was made into a joke where Sonic tried to fit into the DeLorean to hitch a ride back ten years.)

Doc: Ah, well, we’re time travelers from a completely different year long ago… through some bizarre coincidence, we’ve arrived at this exact location, at this exact minute, twice in a row! We’ve met with you before… Your name is Sonic, and you’re trapped 10 years from your own time.

Doc: Of course! But on our previous encounter you were an amazing height so we were unable to help you… but since it seems we’ve somehow mangled your existence and caused you conciderable(sic) height loss, I think we can cram you in this time.

(So unlike the easter egg in the DOS version where it only got you a massive score bonus…)

(SONIC HAS MADE IT BACK.)

You look great! Everything looks great! [Rushes off] I still got time. Or maybe I don’t. Darn it, that’s why you should always mark your departing time when time traveling. Hang on, Sal’!

(So the last scene plays out when Sonic was in the teleporter with the Power Ring, the base explodes and Robotnik is hoofing it)

… oh… no…


your way through things instead of just blindly fighting your way through?
Sally: Well, I figured… what the heck.

(I’m not sure what that was supposed to mean.)

Doc: Oh, over 1200 years. It’s quite a trip.
Sonic: Well… see ya, I suppose.
Sally: Thanks for everything, Doctor. I can’t thank you enough for saving my Sonic’s life!

(Also thanks for proving that the Time Stones episodes had a moot point in trying to change the past as long as you’re much more reckless of changing things.)

Farewell!

Yeah! That’s it! Game is done! Well, not yet. The game has a very compressed video of the last scene from the final episode of SatAM and then there’s a certain familiar flash.

Sonic: … where?
Doc: Back to the future! … well, actually, it’s my future, but your past.
Sonic: No no no no, Doc, I just got here, Sal’s here, we just blew up Doomsday…
Doc: Well, bring her along! This concerns her too!
Sonic: Wait a minute, what are you talkin’ about? What happens to us in the future… your future, our past, whatever… what, do my eyes turn green or somethin’…?

(Cheap joke but believe it or not this came out before Sonic 06 so it managed to avoid that by default.)

Sonic! Something’s gotta be done about your DVDs!

(But the DVDs come out in 2007, don’t worry Doc.)

The text scrolling is “Okay fun’s over now go do it right”

So… yeah. This was an easter egg referencing an earlier easter egg. Y’know, I just can’t help but like it, it’s a cute little thing that a good bit of fun was had with, it’s 2004, it wasn’t overly referenced yet, it’s an enjoyable part of the game overall. Kind of a shame that last screen is all “no no this isn’t real go do the actual path!”, have some fun with it!

Well, next proper update we’ll finish the Clock Tower. It has one of the most tedious bosses in the game, and we’re gonna finally see what happened regarding Snively and Robotnik because deploying the Daemon Bugs did have consequences all around.