Poochyena Power! - Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team

[Joat]

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Day 5: Wherein Joat learns the true secret to friendship.

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Joat: …Again… It’s that dream again.

Eeyup! Still the wavy green place with nothing in it.

Oh. Well, that’s new.

Joat: Huh? I’m hearing better this time… …What? Human? My role?

No such luck. Guess we’ll have to actually play the game, then.

Joat: … I can’t… Drifting off… … …

…Isn’t drifting off how you got here in the first place?

The next morning…

Cherithe: Ahaha! What’s the matter? Haven’t woken up yet?

I think we’ve already established how much of a slow riser he is.

Cherithe: …Oh? You’ve been having strange dreams? What was strange about them?

Dude. Seriously. Your dream must contain at least one rubber chicken, a baker’s dozen tap-dancing radishes, and a war between walruses and people named Paul where it turns out all the walruses were double agents in order to qualify as strange.

Joat told Cherithe about the dreams.

Short explanation, I imagine.

Cherithe: Hmmm, OK… Joat, you said you’re actually a human, right? So maybe… those dreams have some connection to how you became a Pokémon, Joat.

I knew it! It was the narrator from the beginning of the game all along!

Cherithe: By the way, Joat. What do you want to do?

The same thing we do every night, Pinky.

Cherithe: Do you want to turn back into a human?

A gum phoenix, actually.

Joat: (…It’s true… I haven’t thought about it much, but…)

But humans aren’t as adorabllle!

	Cherithe: Huh? What’s wrong? Is this a dilemma for you?
	Cherithe: Well, I hope so! It sure must be more fun here with me!

Or painful. We always seem to get those mixed up.

Cherithe: Anyway, we were supposed to go to Pokémon Square today. Do you remember? We need to get information on how we can add members to the rescue team.

Onward, to the club!

…During the day.

I think Wigglytuff may be high.

Wigglytuff: ,Oh? Is this your first visit here? …Oh, I get it! You started a rescue team too, didn’t you?

Was it the blatantly-obvious badges that tipped you off?

Wigglytuff: You’ve come to the right place! I sell Friend Areas to add members to your rescue team.

No wonder Cherithe had a house to spare. Apparently, they sell real estate in bulk, here.

Wigglytuff: You’ve come to the right place! I sell Friend Areas to add members to your rescue team.

A suspicious-looking Pokémon, giving the first two away for free… These friend areas are laced with something, aren’t they?

Wigglytuff: Let’s do it! Wigglytuff~♪ Wigglytuff~♪ Let’s be friends… Taaaaaah~♪

There is nothing I can say about this to make it any sillier.

Wigglytuff: Congratulations! You can go to Wild Plains now. You can also go to the Mist-Rise Forest. Now you can recruit Pokémon that live in these two Friend Areas. How do you recruit new members? Well, if you’re fighting Pokémon that live in a Friend Area… In that case, they may ask to join your team. Just keep trying!

Find some Pokémon and knock some friendship into ‘em, got it.

Were they just following us around this whole time, staying safely in eavesdropping range?

	Magnemite: IF YOU’RE GIVING FRIEND AREAS AWAY… CAN YOU ALSO GIVE MY FRIENDS ACCESS TO THE POWER PLANT FRIEND AREA? I ALSO WANT TO JOIN THEIR RESCUE TEAM.
	Wigglytuff: OK! Gotcha!

For free, apparently, because giving away free stuff when people ask you to is a good way to make money, somehow.

Wigglytuff: I’m giving it away today! Wigglytuff~♪ Wigglytuff~♪ Let’s be friends… Taaaaaah~♪

Oh. A promotional thing.

Then why didn’t you mention this until now? Do you even know how promotional giveaways work?

	Wigglytuff: Congratulations! You can go to the Power Plant now!
	Magnemite: YES! NOW I CAN JOIN THEIR TEAM!
	Magnemite: YAY! BZBZBZZT!
	Magnemite: SORRY. I KNOW MY FRIEND TURNED DOWN YOUR OFFER TO JOIN YOUR TEAM YESTERDAY… MY FRIEND DEVELOPED AN OVERWHELMING DESIRE TO BECOME YOUR TEAM MEMBER. I APOLOGIZE, BUT COULD YOU ALLOW MY FRIEND TO JOIN YOUR RESCUE TEAM?

Um, wasn’t the only sticking point a lack of housing?

	Cherithe: Oh, wow! Don’t forget, we were the ones that asked your friend to join us.
	Cherithe: So, yes, that’d be awesome! Glad to have your friend on board!
	Magnemite: ALL RIGHT! GOOD ON YOU! BZBZBZZ! DO YOUR BEST, AND TRY NOT TO HINDER YOUR RESCUE TEAMMATES!
	Magnemite: YEAH! I’LL DO MY BEST! YAY, BZBZBZZ!

Well ,that’s a promising sign. “Try not to be too much of a load, ‘kay?”

Magnemite became a team member!

Still, I suppose I shouldn’t complain. Party member get!

Well, I guess. If nothing else, so I can tell ver apart.

My first temptation is to name ver BZZZZT, but I would like to think I have more maturity than that, however.

…Said the bird made of gum.

I am a huge nerd.

Tesla: I’LL BE RESTING UP IN THE POWER PLANT FRIEND AREA. IF YOU WANT ME ALONG FOR A RESCUE, COME GET ME AT THE POWER PLANT. OK! BZBZBZZ!

Hopefully, it is sufficiently distant that I do not have to hear BZZBZZBZT all night every night.

Wigglytuff: There’s a sign on the path to the left of your rescue team base, so you shouldn’t have any trouble. That’s all the giveaways today! If you want more Friend Areas, you’ll have to buy them now.

Alright, on to normal shopping activities!

…Or not.

	Shiftry: Forget it. We’re not about to work for that.
	Jumpluff: But my friend needs a gust of wind! Please!

Are there no teams that have, like, a Pidgey in them who’d know Gust, or something?

I believe Cherithe just crit-failed her perception check.

Lombre: Huh? That scene there? Jumpluff’s begging for a rescue mission, but not finding any luck. See that guy? There, the one in the middle with the pointy nose.

Hard to miss, yes.

Lombre: He’s a Pokémon named Shiftry. He’s got his own rescue team.

So I gathered.

Lombre: But his team’s greedy. They don’t work unless they get paid royally.

He must be pretty good, then, if he actually stays in business.

Lombre: Jumpluff’s been begging for help, but… I feel sorry for that poor Pokémon.

I know for a fact that teams can have up to four members at a time and body size is not a factor here, so why are both of these groups only three members strong?

…Okay, with the benefit of hindsight, now I know the fourth member slot is purely reserved for escorts and new recruits. I didn’t recall that fact when first LPing this, though.

???: Oh! It’s Alakazam!

???: That’s Alakazam?!

…Yes. Yes, it is.

Alakazam: Hey. Rather coldhearted, aren’t you? To save Jumpluff’s friend, a strong wind is needed. Your leafy fans can whip up powerful winds. It’s an easy matter for you.

Or, y’know, a fair number of other Pokémon.

	Alakazam: Help that Pokémon out.
	Alakazam: Grr… Tch! OK, we’ll do it.

???: Wow…

???: That Shiftry agreed without any argument…

Possibly because there was a strong fire-type present.

Lombre: You seriously don’t know?! It’s Alakazam’s team!

Is that seriously what they’re calling themselves?

That almost makes me rethink my opinion on “Team Pokémon.” Almost.

Lombre: They’re the most famous rescue team around these parts.

Thereby flooding the surrounding area with lava and killing off a whole bunch of innocent Pokémon.

…Not as impressive-sounding. Which is particularly jarring, considering, well…

…Yeah.

Lombre: Alakazam doesn’t like physical attacks. He fights with his psychic powers. He’s endowed with an amazing brain and an IQ of 5,000.

I’m no expert, but I am reasonably certain it is literally impossible, by any incarnation of the IQ test, to score that high.

Lombre: Apparently, he’s memorized everything that’s happened in the world.

Including, dear reader, the color of underwear you’re wearing.

Lombre: Alakazam does all the commanding in the team. He’s clearly in charge.

Of his own team and everyone else, apparently.

Alakazam: No need for thanks. It’s only natural that you get help. If anyone turns you down again, come see me. Take care.

That Jumpluff could abuse that power so hard…

If they’re commenting on what Alakazam just did, I’m pretty sure anyone can bark orders at other people.

Why is Lombre cowering behind me? Especially when Lombre is nearly four times my size, even if the sprites don’t convey that very well.

	Alakazam: What’s up?
	Alakazam: … It’s fine. Nothing. Let’s go.

Why? Are they known for regularly attacking civilians? Somehow, I doubt that gets one Gold Rank very quickly.

Cherithe: …C-cool…

How?

Cherithe: Whew, Joat! We need to become like them!

You mean having a premonition and then dismissing it as nothing because we are the most genre-blind people on the planet?

Cherithe: Let’s recruit more members and make our rescue team first-class!

Oh.

Why does ve care about us, specifically? Does ve have nothing better to do with ver time? Is it because I have a type advantage?

The next morning…

Huh. I guess we just went to bed after that. Okay, then.

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