Week 144: YEAR OF THE BEAST 2021
Holding the last show of 2021 on the eighth day of 2022 to make absolutely sure it’s really the last one.
#1 Showdown Rules Match - 3 Rounds, 5 Minutes each
Cocademon vs. Family Man
Cocademon defeats Family Man in Round 3 after 11:14 via Knockout when Family Man is unable to get back up by the count of 10.
The heartbreaking part here is that Family Man was the first to get Cocademon down, and even got him down a second time at the end of round 2 but… the bell rang. Obviously, Family Man was robbed here.
Scene: Freddie brings NYG into the locker room Tara and Sexton are waiting in. Naturally, they aren’t too happy NYG is here but I booked it that way so get over it. DCB is hanging out in the corner here for comic relief she says. She’s unable to tell a joke but whatever it is she did lightened the mood enough for Tara, Sexton and NYG to cooperate for at least this one match.
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Blaze Rider vs. Suman vs. Florida Man vs. Steve Dirt vs. Baron of Hell vs. Flash Hammer vs. Skullistair vs. Manic Misanthrope (c)
Manic eliminates Suman in 11:15 via submission with a Fujiwara Armbar
Manic eliminates Florida Man in 13:46 via submission with a Sleeper Hold
Baron of Hell eliminates Blaze Rider in 21:07 via submission with a modivied Romero Special
Flash Hammer eliminates Steve Dirt in 21:19 via pinfall after a Lariat
Manic eliminates Skullistair in 28:49 via submission with a Chickenwing Facelock
Manic eliminates the Baron of Hell in 33:07 via submission with a leg-lock half crab combination
Flash Hammer eliminates Manic in 33:53 via submission with a Stealth Viper
#3 Tag Team Match
Young Devils 2nd Generation vs. Young Devils 1st Generation
The old generation defeats the newcomers in 27:10 all via submission.
Because oops, that was elimination. Sexton eliminates Takane, Tara eliminates Ivanna and NYG eliminates Ludovic
#4 Happy New Year!
The Fun Gang (Vaycay and DCB) vs. The Union (Mina and Josef)
The Fun Gang defeat The Union in 14:23 both via submission.
So this was supposed t obe limination on a no-ropes exploding cage match. And boy were there explosions. Both participants of The Union were eliminated back to back. Vacation skeleton tapped out Mina with a crossface of sorts and DCB did a Sharpshooter on Josef.
#5 Darkweight Championship
Maya Northwind vs. Anna May (c)
Anna May defeats Maya in 12:25 via pinfall with a double rotation Moonsault
Due to an incident the match was interrupted after 6:30 minutes and restarted a few minutes later, the second half lasted 5:55 for a total of 12:25. It bears mentioning that in the first half Maya was more in control, in the second it was Anna May. That reset was probably to her benefit.
#6 Legion Tag Championships
Caveman Connection vs. School of Slam (c)
SoS defeat the Cavemen in 28:39 when Muscle Wizard pins Arggah after Bigdawg’s Clenched Fist.
Only, due to the game crashing earlier the rules I set for matches were reset so this was another elimination match. First Sadim eliminates Ungaah with the Humble Maker, then Arggah eliminates Sadim with the Giant Swing and finally Muscle Wizard puts the nail in the coffin by pinning Arggah.
#7 Showdown 2 Grand Finals - 5 Rounds, 5 Minutes each
Bobson Dugnutt vs. KILL ANIME GIRLS
Bobson Dugnutt defeats KAG in Round 3 after 11:37 via Knockout with a Back Elbow.
KAG went into this undefeated but Bobson, though his offense didn’t look like match, took down the giant bit by bit with well placed punches. Congrats to Bobson Dugnutt. Your reward is pain but I’m sure your opponents are hurting more than you.
#8 Hellweight Championship
Majin Bob Sapp vs. Pantha (c)
Majin Bob Sapp defeats Pantha in 21:46 via pinfall after an ULTRABEASTBACKBREAKER
ATTENTION:
Due to a challenge issued by persona non grata VACANT that he said will at the latest take place at YEAR OF THE BEAST 2021 we will likely have to interrupt our program to accommodate this. Trust us, it’s better than fighting it.
For shoot: VACANT’s challenge will be a pre-recorded “cinematic” match and will occur in an appropriate spot on the card.
The appropriate spot was last.
As Suzan, Flamander and Black enter the ring they have already transformed into the Dark Knight, the Hellranger and the Cursed One respectively. VACANT is waiting. He’s disappointed that there’s only three of them but it’ll do, he says, before ascending upward to transform himself. Not only that: He also transports himself and the gang to some other place with rings floating in the air and the surface layer of what appears to be a gas giant below them.
The fight begins but VACANT quickly throws Suzan and Black out of the ring into one of the others nearby. Now alone with Flamander the two of them begin to duke it out. And though Flamander performs the Wyrm several times VACANT still has the upper hand, eventually knocking Flamander out cold with Burning Hammerfall.
He teleports to the ring he threw Suzan into to do the same to her. She fights valiantly, opening with a takedown and a Powerbomb, even doing a jumping Knightfall before VACANT answers, again, with Burning Hammerfall, knocking her out. VACANT remarks that she’ll have to drop him from higher than even he does to put a dent in him.
Finally, VACANT moves on to Black. The fact that he lost to him twice when he was still in his grey form seems to still keep him up at knight. They fight. VACANT quickly whips out Burning Hammerfall but Black is not out yet and fights back. Soon a second Burning Hammerfall hits. Maybe it’s fighting spirit or the knowledge that he’s the last line of defense now but Black gets up yet again. Bringing his best moves out, some of which we’ve never seen before, before finally, a third Burning Hammerfall puts Black out of comission.
With his goal achieved VACANT lifts the motionless Black threatening to toss Black into the abyss of clouds. But not only has enough time passed for Flamander and Suzan to wake up, they are able to surprise VACANT. Flamander hits a series of successive spears (very much like Nidhogg, which he did against Majin Bob Sapp), lifting VACANT further and further up into space. Instead of performing a final spear downwards and back into the ring far down below Suzan takes VACANTs words from earlier to heart and does the Knightfall all the way down.
It turns out they were only able to do all of this thanks to… of all people, motherfucking Dash who’s been forced to come along by Tara. It’s not explicitly said in the match but Dash has show the ability to teleport in the past. But oh, VACANT is getting up already, what the fuck? Suzan, Flamander, Tara and a reluctant Dash make an effort to finish the fight. Black is still out.
VACANT is on the receiving end of a lot of violence here, only able to fight back very ocassionally. In a what must be an act of desperation he unleashes all of his energy in an effort to take all of them down with him. While VACANT is still able to stand after this the others are only uncoscious.
VACANT, knowing that there’s nothing much to do goes to the corner and steps onto the second rope to look into the distance. Black raises behind him. VACANT is unsure why Black doesn’t simply push him down. Black seems to respond, or at the very least VACANT imagines a response. But whatever he heard it makes sense to him. VACANT realizes he’s already dead. He reverts back to his short-lived red-eyes form and then white-eyes all the way to his eyeless grey form that he started with before his body goes limp and he falls over, down into the clouds.
If this was a match with referees and rules VACANT would have likely won it. He knocked out two of his opponents twice and the remaining threee once. Though he’d have died afterwards. But in a fight with no rules the one who wins is whoever’s face is less bruised. Or the ones left alive to tell the tale.
Somewhere inside the OHPW arena’s complex SATAN awakens again. VACANT releasing all this energy must have sent it straight back to who it originally belonged to.
