Week 132: AN ETERNAL CURSE UPON US - 9th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2
[timg]Imgur: The magic of the Internet
Scene: IGgy hangs out in the room where they store Satan who’s floating in a tube filled with the mystery liquid they normally use to fix up wrestlers but it doesn’t seem to work. Well, Flamander shows up for some reason and leaves again and then Suzan shows up afterwards. Bunch of weirdos.
#1 Exploding Cage Deathmatch
KAG teams up with anime killing vetaran Palpy to destroy anime.
Kill Anime Girls and Palpatine vs. Mina Park and Anna May
KAG and Palpy defeat Anna May and Mina Park in 20:09
KAG first eliminates Mina by pinning her after a spear and shortly after Anna May by pinning her after a headbutt.
This went about as well as you could except. And actually, Anna and Mina worked together pretty well to take down their common foe. Mina focused on Palpy for the most part while Anna focused on KAG. They switched it around at times but at some point KAG just decided he’s gonna win now and eliminated first Mina and then Anna in quick succession
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Flash… aaa-AAAAH!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Supreme Sadim vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Spitbal vs. Danny V5 vs. Family Man vs. Skullistair vs. Flash Hammer (c)
Mr. Shakedown eliminates Flash Hammer in 23:39 via Submission with the Stomach Claw
Mr. Shakedown eliminates Danny V5 in 27:8 via Submission with the Wallet Squeeze
Spitbal eliminates Skullistair in 29:15 via Pinfall with a deadlift spinning Powerbomb
Sadim eliminates Family Man in 31:31 via Submission with the Humble Maker
Koji eliminates Sadim in 37:31 via Submission with a Neck and Arm Lock combination
Koji eliminates Spitbal in 39:33 via Submission with the Triangle Lancer
Koji eliminates Mr. Shakedown in 43:38 via Pinfall with the Smith Special
Would you look at that. Koji entered first along with Flash Hammer and made it all the way to the end and won and it way hype af. I don’t really have much else to say about this. So let’s have a quick look at Koji’s overall record. The thing is, Koji, at least in OHPW has a kind of middling record so far. Which I now can say is probably more bad luck or my image of him being too high so I book him against stronger opponents. He has a Win Percentage of 33.33%. So exactly a third. As far as Battle Royals go he’s won 40% of them (out of 5) Only 23.81% of his matches were Battle Royals. Maybe he somehow does better in that environment? Who knows?
#3 Singles Match
Genies and people called Midas are both no strangers to curses so this is a good match for this show.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Midas Minoson
Kayu defeats Midas in X:XX via CRITICAL! by hitting the Mahou Magical Splash
Ah yes. The cursed match. At some point Kayu was on the top rope waiting to do a dive when the referee decided to walk towards the cornern. And through the corner. And through the crowd. And finally into the unending Darkness that is the beyond of the game world. Unfortunately t his meant there was no referee present to count pins or record submissions. Or do anything else a ref is supposed to do. The thing is Kayu started mounting a comeback as soon as the ref was gone. Eventually she hit her Splash from the top rope to a CRITICAL! and just layed on top of Midas hoping for a ref to count the pin. But it never came. I awarded the match to Kayu but there was no referee present to record the result.
#4 Tag Team Match
Running it back. But will it be better this time?
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey
The Team Skull Grunts defeat K+M in 39:08
Kelsey is eliminated first via Submission with a Crossface by Blue
Maya is eliminated second via Submission with a Crossface by Blue
Hey this wasn’t supposed to be elimination. But you know what? Why not? The match went about the way we wanted it to until both Kelsey and Blue refused to tag out for some reason. Well, Blue eliminated Kelsey and Maya comes in. At this point Blue was apparently in complete murder mode and stil refused to tag out. he managed to eliminate Maya as well, winning the Grunts the match.
#5 Singles Match
Oh, another runback. What will happen? I don’t know.
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider
ASS defeats Blaze Rider in 24:00 via Submission with Leg Lock Half Crab combination.
Finally, a match that goes the way we want it to again! This is everything I wanted ASS vs. Blaze to be when I booked it two weeks ago. Well it went a little longer than I’m normally happy with for a weekly match but this is a PPV so hell yeah.
#6 Legion Tag Championships
Our entire Tag contendership spiel for this month went belly-up.
Pineapple Pizza vs. Caveman Connection (c)
Pineapple Pizza defeat Caveman Connection in 17:07 via Submission when Pine Appel locks the Mandible Claw on Arggah
Argaah tried to much on Pine Appel and Cheese Pietzza multiple times and who can blame him? However, when he used a fork to try and eat Pietzza it became really fucked up because who does that? Anyway. Pine Appel submits Arrgah with one of his own moves. That’s gotta sting.
#7 Darkweight Championship
Kickin’ blood!
Sapp Ledesma vs. Steve Dirt (c)
Steve Dirt defeats Sapp Ledesma in 15:26 via Pinfall with an inverted Michinoku Driver
All right, peeps. This is our shortest match on the card. But it was still longer than our average singles match in 2019 (14:28)
As was also the longest shortest match ever. Meaning in this case that comparing all the shortest matches from all shows, this is the longest. As for the match itself. Sapp went in hard. But never went for the full neck destruction move. Had he done it he might have won but this match went to Steve. I think Steve just forgot what pain is because what Sapp did to him must have hurt a lot.
#8 Hellweight Championship
Suzan gets another chance to reclaim the ultimate prize.
Suzan Blades vs. Fomore (c)
Fomore defeats Suzan in 33:45 via Pinfall with the ACAB (Kudo Driver)
And to cap it off just an actually nice main event with a satisfying finish and everything. I’m glad that with more things going wrong in matches lately somehow this wasn’t one of them. They paced themselves at first but then went hard and didn’t stop. The match may have been a 33:45 in Fire Pro time but it didn’t feel that way.
