OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

[IGgy]

Week 126: Thousand Matches - (Twitch VOD)

Well, 1000th match in the opener. Pretty impressive number.

It came up during the stream so here’s some more milestone kinda matches

69th match was Undeddie Guerrero vs. Kayu Zakisaka. Undeddie defeated Kayu in 17:37 via Pinfall. It got a 94% rating and happened on 16th March 2019

100th match was a Tag Team Match between The Dash Rendars (regular and Fat) and the Team Skull Grunts, which the Dashes won in 21:48 and got a 88% rating. Naturally this happened on 20th April 2019. Or 4/20 if you insist on writing your dates like a buffoon.

316th Match was Hellranger Flamander vs. Harley Havik. Flamander beat Harley in 10:58, which got a 91.71% rating on 12th October 2019

420th Match was a tag title match between 1 1/2 Dragons and the Team Skull Grunts, which the Grunts won in 20:50 via Pinfall. It got a 92% rating and took place on 18th January 2020

The 500th match was the Semi Finals of the Hellfire Tournament 2020 - Harmony Gray vs. Hellranger Flamander. Flamander defeated Harmony in 10:38 and moved on to face Grace (who would win) The match got a 83% Rating and it took place on 21st March 2020

Our 619th match was a First Fall Battle Royal between Maya, Palpy Koji and Danny V5. Maya submitted Koji in that match, which lasted for 15:51 and got an 82% rating on 11th July 2020

The 666th match was Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka. Harley beat Koji in 21:58 via Submission. It got a 97% rating. It was almost exactly a year ago on 22nd August 2020

@Match Card and Results

Week 126: Thousand Matches
This episode is named Thousand Matches because I realized that this episode contains our thousandth match. RIGHT IN THE OPENER BAYBEE LETS GOOOOOO!

#1 Singles Match
These two have the honor of being in the 1000th (!!!) OHPW match
Surfborg vs. Anna May

Anna May defeats Surfborg in 18:16 via Pinfall after a Lariat
We were afraid at the start that this would be another one of those one-sided matches because you never know if it’s RNG or something breaking but it turned out fine. It was good. While the mvoe that ended it was a Lariat, Anna May did the Crunchyroll almost immediately before that but it got a rope break.

#2 Singles Match
Just a check-up. This is what fixing her arms looks like.
Tara Milleneon vs. Chief Engineer

Tara defeats Chief Engineer in 15:49 when the Explosion triggers and Chief is unable to continue
Explosion-Chan was redeemed for this one, so it turned into a barbed wire deathmatch. Chief now has tools at his disposal but… what’s this? Just some bats and sticks and… freaking footballs? He can’t work with this! But he tries anyway. Tara and Chief exchange blows, throw each other around, but what it comes down to is the explosion, which occured just as Tara was trying to pin Chief. That last, brutal, move must be what did it because Chief wasn’t able to get up anymore, whille Tara was.

#3 Tag Team Match
None of these have ever been in a Tag match (in OHPW)
Lea, Koji, Pig Destroyer, Hayley vs. Not Your God, Florida Man, Flash Hammer, Spitbal

Team Red defeats Team Blue in 24:29 via Submission when Pig Destroyer locks Spitbal into a Stretch Muffler
Just some good amount of tag team fun. Notable is probably that NYG from Team Blue controlled the match at the start which caused team Red to cycle through all their members relatively fast. Finally, at the end, we got Pig Destroyer and Spitbal, both of which haven’t tagged out in a while. Pig Destroyer continues with his momentum from yesterday while Spitbal may still be held back from is last loss, getting pinned in this match as well.

#4 Showdown Rules (3 rounds, 5 minutes each)
A tale of two f-w*rds
Johnny Fuckyou vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

Suplex Goddess defeats Johnny Fuckyou via knockout 55 seconds into the third round.
I made the prediction at the start of the match that throwing people around is more likely to get you the win than punching people and boy did Johnny punch and kick but Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers! got in these suplexes and was able to decide the match for herself at the start of round 3

Scene: Suplex Goddess steps in front of the promo wall and challenges Grace AGAIN. This time to a Texad Deathmatch.

#5 Singles Match
Would be one hell of an upset if Harley could do it…
Suzan Blades vs. Harley Havik

Harley defeats Suzan in 19:56 vis Pinfall after the Killshot
Boy howdy did Harley have to put in the work for this one. Did the Six-Shooter like four or five times and a couple of Killshots too. It’s kind of like Danny’s match from yesterday only without burying the Emerald Flowsion, so better.

#6 Singles Match
With the ring being painted red and Isabel wearing green it might look pretty festive. Hail Satan.
Steve Dirt vs. Isabel Ibarra

Isabel defeats Steve in 10:16 via Pinfall with the Desnucadora
This one didn’t take a long time to finish but it was pretty itense. Shortly before it ended Steve Dirt locked in the MDK clutch, causeing her to bleed hard. She didn’t miss a beat, though and immediately followed with the sequence that would end the match.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
8 Wrestlers Enter. Seven leave again. The deadliest pinner remains.
Malfest goat-Monster vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Supreme Sadim vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Doctor Mutant vs. Bone Idol vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Black ©

Kayu eliminates Doc Mutant in 8:16 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash
Duckbaby eliminates Kayu in 11:00 via Pinfall with the Lightning Spiral
Goat-Monster eliminates Duckbaby in 15:01 via Pinfall with a Choking Powerbomb
Bone Idol eliminates Goat-Monster in 16:56 via Submission with Bone-Tuggin’ Harmony
Black eliminates Undeddie in 18:13 via Pinfall after Fade to Black
Black eliminates Sadim in 20:16 via submission with absolute knee destruction
Black eliminates Bone Idol in 22:11 via submission with wreckin the knees holy fuck
Possibly the most normal match on the card for what it’s worth. Despite having the Duckbaby in it. I guess this just shows that you always bet on Black.

[IGgy]

Week 127: Devacate - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 127: Devacate
Saturday, usual time.
Ah yes, let’s go home. Next week is the PPV, before then we’ll determine a contender for the Hellweight title as well as a new Darkweight Champion.
And there’s other cool stuff too.

#1 Singles Match
Don’t let anyone tell you we’re not family oriented. We’re even sending a bear after the guy with a family.
Great Maharaja vs. Family Man

Family Man defeats Great Maharaja in 20:01 via pinfall by Trying His Best
Maharaja fell short again because he refused to end it. At the start of the match he was in full control but let Family Man regain some footing. Maybe one day he’ll learn.

#2 Singles Match
Time for Palpy to get Pilmanized.
Plumeria vs. Palpy

Plumeria defeats Palpatine in 16:52 via pinfall after an Asai Backbreaker
Mysteriously no legs or arms were broken with chairs. A bit disappointing. But on the plus side Palpy still lost.

#3 Three-Way (First Fall)
If it weren’t for Agnes this would be a big beef hoss battle
Agnes Paragon vs. Thunder vs. Sgt. Sprinklez

Sgt. Sprinklez wins in 11:33 via submission by putting Agnes in a Cobra Twist
The match starts off with Thunder and Sprinklez throwing Agnes out of the ring to duke it out. Naturally this doesn’t last. She comes back almost immediately. This continues for a bit. They don’t even interrupt each others attempts to pin or submit her. Until finally she submits, ending the match.

#4 Singles Match
How many Sunken Chests will Boob do? That’s the real question.
EGO vs. Boob Marley

Ego defeats Boob Marley in 10:28 via Pinfall after Super Ego Flying High
No (0) Sunken Chests in this match. Very uncharacteristic of the biggest chest in the business. Instead EGO lays it on think with their own finishers

Scene: VACANT comes out and makes clear he wants to fight Pig Destroyer, wisely but also foolishly, Pig Destroyer comes out to be destroyed.

#5 Tag Team Match
I feel like we’ve had the before times and the end times clashing already, but there can never be enough.
Caveman Connection vs. Fallout Boys

Caveman Connection defeat Fallout Boys in 12:25 via submission when Arggah locks the Mandible Claw on Rick Wreckage.
Wow, that was short for a tag match. But I’ll take it. They go back anf forth and at one point there’s a beatdown on the outside. But the Cavemen prevail.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Danny earned this by defeating a former champ, but Isable really worked for this over a long time. Let’s settle this.
Danny V5 vs. Isabel Ibarra

Isabel defeats Danny in 13:15 via Pinfall with a Reverse Firebird Splash
Another one that was surprisingly short. Usually Danny goes gets all his moves in twice. But Isabel decided she’s gotta take this youngun out quick or she’ll get overwhelmed later in the match. And she did just that.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Recently vacated, let’s find a new champ.
Harley Havik vs. Maya Northwind ©

Harley defeats Maya in 30:18 via pinfall after the Killshot
The two are fighting. And they go. However, Harley hits the Six-Shooter. SMOKIN’ SEXY STYLE! But what the hell? Maya gets back up but can barely move. She powers through against Harley’s offense, Withstanding multiple Six-Shooters and Killshots. Following with her own Run-Up Sentons. However, finally another Killshot keeps Maya down for good. Harley takes the vacated Darkweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 128: NIGHTMARE FICTION
PPV Time! And I got a name for it… too bad it’s so hard to read, what does it say? Okay okay, I wrote it out both above and below in a normal font. But even if I didn’t what it’s called isn’t important, what’s important are the matches. Check out the card below.

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Attack and Dethrone the Deadliest Pinner
Dicky P vs. Bone Idol vs. Pine Appel vs. Vacation Skeleton vs. Midas Minoson vs. Suman vs. Great Maharaja vs. Black ©

#2 Singles Match
's time for some garbage wrestling.
Steve Dirt vs. Pig Destroyer

#3 Singles Match
Lightning is about to find out that despite her new appearance, Harmony hits as hard as ever.
Harmony Gray vs. Cock Lightning

#4 Singles Match
They seemed to have fun last week but Agnes was buzzkill. Let’s just let em fight it out.
Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Cock Thunder

#5 Texas Deathmatch
Suplex Goddess didn’t take Grace DQing herself well. Now it’s time for a match where you not only gotta lose, you gotta die.
Grace Thoruson vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

#6 Three-Way
Man, I hope somoene finally makes Sexton bleed again. Maybe chairshots and headbutts will do the trick.
EGO vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Plumeria

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Harley fought hard for this. But she’ll have to fight just as hard to keep it.
Lea Lionheart vs. Harley Havik ©

#8 Legion Tag Titles
I’d be hyped for a lenghty Fun Gang reign, but these Cavemen are not to joked with.
Caveman Connection vs. The Fun Gang ©

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Isabel’s first big chance. But Fomore is ever eager to prove themself.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Fomore ©

[IGgy]

Week 128: NIGHTMARE FICTION - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 128: NIGHTMARE FICTION
PPV Time! And I got a name for it… too bad it’s so hard to read, what does it say? Okay okay, I wrote it out both above and below in a normal font. But even if I didn’t what it’s called isn’t important, what’s important are the matches. Check out the card below.

Scene VACANT comes out and challenges… Isabel Ibarra, who shows up. However Fomore and the former (still?) Anti-VACANT alliance also show up. VACANT decides he can take them all at once. And wins

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Attack and Dethrone the Deadliest Pinner
Dicky P vs. Bone Idol vs. Pine Appel vs. Vacation Skeleton vs. Midas Minoson vs. Suman vs. Great Maharaja vs. Black ©

Midas eliminates Vacation Skeleton in 6:06 by knocking them out with a Mexican Cutter
Dicky P eliminates Midas in 16:44 via Pinfall with a Running School Boy
Dicky P eliminates Suman in 25:45 via Submission with a Leg Lock Single Leg Crab
Black eliminates Maharaja in 29:29 via Pinfall after a Backbreaker
Pine Appel eliminates Bone Idol in 29:56 via Submission with a Kiss, mmmh, fruity fresh!
Pine Appel eliminates Dicky P in 34:39 via Pinfall with a Splash
Pine Appel eliminates Black in 39:22 via Pinfall with a Diving Splash
As always a shitshow and we wouldn’t have it any other way. Dicky P got two eliminations somehow. And broke his own neck multiple times. VERY good stuff. Unfortunately Vacation Skeleton was the first out because Midas decided to hit his Cutter extra hard today. Ah well. The match goes on, the chaos slowly becomes less chaotic and it’s down to Pine Appel and Black. Pine Appel with all the momentum of two eliminations on their side manages to pin Black with a diving splash.

#2 Singles Match (accidentally a Submission Match)
's time for some garbage wrestling.
Steve Dirt vs. Pig Destroyer

Steve Dirt defeats Pig Destroyer in 23:59 via Submission with a Buffalo Sleeper
Needless to say, this wasn’t supposed to be a Submission match. But it was. Not used to the stipulation it took them a bit to actually use their submissions. But eventually Steve locked in a Buffalo Sleeper. Pretty old school move considering his normal style but that how he do.

#3 Singles Match
Lightning is about to find out that despite her new appearance, Harmony hits as hard as ever.
Harmony Gray vs. Cock Lightning

Harmony defeats Lightning in 9:04 via Pinfall with a Deadlift Spinning Powerbomb
Short and sweet. Mercifully. Because the last match ran long. It was mostly competitive, actually, until Harmony decided it wasn’t anymore.

Scene: The Union are backstage, Angus has returned and is not Anus. Mina decides it’s a great time to celebrate and leaves to get booze. However, she’s tricked into a backstage fight by someone called KILL ANIME GIRLS and gets knocked out.

#4 Singles Match
They seemed to have fun last week but Agnes was buzzkill. Let’s just let em fight it out.
Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Cock Thunder

Thunder defeats Sprinklez in 20:39 via Submission with a Seated Dragon Sleeper
There was a lot going on in this match and Thunder even removed the strap. It was less Suplex City from his end, though and more of a variety from both. Naturally, they hit their hardest hitting moves on the outside.

#5 Texas Deathmatch
Suplex Goddess didn’t take Grace DQing herself well. Now it’s time for a match where you not only gotta lose, you gotta die.
Grace Thoruson vs. Suplex Goddess of Destruction, Motherfuckers!

Grace Thoruson defeats Suplex Goddess in 40:32 via when Suplex Goddess can’t answer the 10-Count after being pinned.
This went about as well as I expected. Only Suplex Goddess stopped trying to win after a while and just hit moves instead. It’s no surprise, given the stipulation, that this match took long. After all the idea is that you beat your opponent so hard they can’t even properly get up after getting pinned.

Scene: Mina awakens, Angus has found her and they get pissed at some dude having attacked their friend

#6 Three-Way
Man, I hope somoene finally makes Sexton bleed again. Maybe chairshots and headbutts will do the trick.
EGO vs. Sexton Blud (x) vs. Plumeria

Sexton wins in 25:21 by pinning Plumeria with a Tiger Suplex
Well, somehow everyone started bleeding except Sexton. We even “accidentally” left weapons in the ring. Sexton still managed to win without his blood power-up.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Harley fought hard for this. But she’ll have to fight just as hard to keep it.
Lea Lionheart vs. Harley Havik ©

Lea defeats Harley in 11:19 via Pinfall with the Make-A-Wish
Oh damn, that was faster than I think anybody expected. Though with Lea you have to keep in mind that she either wins relatively quickly or it takes a good time for the match to finish. This was the former.

#8 Legion Tag Titles
I’d be hyped for a lenghty Fun Gang reign, but these Cavemen are not to joked with.
Caveman Connection vs. The Fun Gang ©

Caveman Connection win in 13:19 via Submission when Ungaah puts Skullistair in a Camel Clutch
Part of me is happy that this and the last match were relatively short because the final show was almost three hours long. But I also really wanted some Fun Gang Warfare. Ah, well. Caveman Connection come out of this with a strong win for sure. May their reign be long ans prosperous.

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Isabel’s first big chance. But Fomore is ever eager to prove themself.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Fomore ©

Fomore defeats Isabel Ibarra in 26:48 via Submission with the Triangle Lancer[
After both Fomore and Isabel getting beat up pretty bad at the start of the show I’m not sure anyone expected a war like this. I’m partial to Fomore put I was rooting for Isabel as well she’s risen very slowly in the year she’s been in the company despite being consistently good.

[IGgy]

Week 129: Cosplay is Fun
Saturday, same time as always. And shocking the entire world, we even got some matches lined up. Check em out.

#1 Singles Match
that’ll teach ya to run into the corner and fall over, kid! j/k do carry on
Dicky P vs. Vacation Skeleton

#2 Tag Team Match
Both teams have a tag title reign that’s 6 defenses long and we’re giving this away for free.
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey

#3 Singles Match
I didn’t consider this when booking but we good the old airborne vs. grounded dynamic going.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Austin Ramon

#4 Singles Match
Pokemon is an Anime. Just saying.
Anna May vs. Sexton Blud (x)

#5 Four-Way (Elimination)
Wow, this match is kinda loaded! What’s up with that? No, really, I don’t know.
Harmony Gray vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Freddie Hope vs. Muscle Wizard

#6 Singles Match
Go ASS! Face the blaze of Justice!
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider

#7 Darkweight Championship
In this match… someone’s gonna bleed. Wonder who.
Steve Dirt vs. Lea Lionheart ©

[IGgy]

Week 129: Cosplay is Fun - (Twitch VOD)
Well that sure happened.

We got another show coming today though.

@Match Card and Results

Week 129: Cosplay is Fun - September 24th 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2
Saturday, same time as always. And shocking the entire world, we even got some matches lined up. Check em out.

#1 Singles Match
that’ll teach ya to run into the corner and fall over, kid! j/k do carry on
Dicky P vs. Vacation Skeleton

Vacation Skeleton defeats Dicky P in 8:26 via Pinfall with Spring Break!
On one hand a surprisingly short match, on the other hand it was also kind of expected. This was definitely a blood feud. You could like… feel the aura of hatred and… yeah I don’t think either of them even knew why I booked this.

#2 Tag Team Match
Both teams have a tag title reign that’s 6 defenses long and we’re giving this away for free.
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey

The match is ruled a no contest in 7:09 when Pink climbs the corner and gets a laughing fit.
Yeah, that was weird. Technically a DQ. But that’s dumb. I just wanna see them have a match. Look, I’m a mark too. We’ll run this one back.

#3 Singles Match
I didn’t consider this when booking but we good the old airborne vs. grounded dynamic going.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Austin Ramon

Kayu defeats Austin in 13:58 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash
Good little bit of back and forth in this one. Kayu looked to be controlling it early on but it soon became more even but it was gonna be Kayu’s match. YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYA

Scene: Angus disguises himself as an anime girl in the hopes of drawing out KILL ANIME GIRLS. But KAG doesn’t show up. I dunno, maybe he’s just not here tonight.

#4 Singles Match
Pokemon is an Anime. Just saying.
Anna May vs. Sexton Blud (x)

Anna May defeats Sexton in 17:54 via Pinfall after… the Hero Pose??? Fukken buried.
Well, this was an entertaining match but it ended in the weirdest way possible. Then again, we’ve had a match and in a laughing fit earlier tonight so maybe this episode is truly cursed.

#5 Four-Way (Elimination)
Wow, this match is kinda loaded! What’s up with that? No, really, I don’t know.
Harmony Gray vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Freddie Hope vs. Muscle Wizard

Muscle Wizard eliminates Ricc in 17:24 via Submission with the Mandible Claw
Harmony eliminates Freddie in 20:49 via Pinfall after a Deadlift Suplex
Muscle Wizard eliminates Harmony in 27:06 via Submission with the Mandible Claw
A lot more switching between opponents than we usually see in these matches. At least it felt that way. Changed the dynamic a good bit too.

#6 Singles Match
Go ASS! Face the blaze of Justice!
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider

This match is ruled a No contest in 10:38. After another extended top rope stay. Technically a DQ in ASS’ favor but I’m not having it.
Oh come on! Two in a single show? We’re definitely running this back too.

#7 Darkweight Championship
In this match… someone’s gonna bleed. Wonder who.
Steve Dirt vs. Lea Lionheart (c)

Steve Dirt defeats Lea in 17:57 via Pinfall after a Blood’n’Gutbuster
Wow. This made up for all the weirdness we had so far. Going big and going hard right out the gate. Steve gets some heavy hits in on Lea but she manages to make a comeback, hitting her finisher three times, almost in a row to catch back up. We’re going fast and brutal from here on, they go back they go forth and finally after much blood shed Lea stays down.

[IGgy]

Week 130: Unshackled - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 130: Unshackled - September 25th 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

#1 Singles Match
Mystery opponents are cool. Let’s see what this’ll be.
Suman. vs. Toru Yano vs. F.O.E.

Toru Yano eliminates F.O.E. in 2:44 by shooting him with a gun.
Toru Yano eliminates Suman. in 10:43 by also shooting him with a gun.

#2 Tag Team Match
Couple more weirdos thrown together. There’s no method to this madness.
Majin Bob Sapp, Ricc 2 Thicc, Surfborg, Arcade Legend ASS vs. Black, Midas Minoson, Anna May, Agnes Paragon

Team Black wins in 12:13 when Anna May pins Ricc 2 Thicc with the Crunchyroll

#3 Showdown Rules Match (3 rounds, 5 minutes each)
This is the kind of shit we’re here for, fight the Pizza!
Hobo vs. Cheese Pietzza

Hobo defeats Cheese Pietzza via Judges’ Decision

#4 Singles Match
Been a while since the edgy goth boi had a singles match. Well, time to get kicked in the face.
Not Your God vs. Sapp Ledesma

Sapp defeats NYG in 11:15 via Pinfall after a Superkick

#5 Tag Team Match
A robot, a skeleton, a mimic and a zombie walk into a wreslting ring…
The Fun Gang (Robutt and Bone Idol) vs. Criminal Sanity (Mimic & Undeddie)

Criminal Sanity defeat The Fun Gang in 20:53 via DQ when Undeddie does his Chair Trick on Robutt. Oof.

Scene: VACANT comes out again and demands to face Black. Only instead of Black Sadim shows up. Sadim then reminds VACANT of how he unleashed his full strength against Suzan Blades and that he intends to use it against VACANT. This is the most offense anyone got ever in on VACANT since he took on his new form but it was not enough.

#6 Singles Match
You may think Suzan will obviously take this, but Hayley is on a five match winning streak.
Suzan Blades vs. Hayley Simmons

Suzan Blades defeats Hayley Simmons in 20:50 via Submission with the Hijack Backbreaker

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Manic Misanthrope vs. Mina Park vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Super Samio vs. Florida Man vs. Guzma vs. Flash Hammer vs. Pine Appel (c)

Manic eliminates Super Samio in 10:44 via Submission with a European Side Headlock
Manic eliminates Pine Appel in 13:46 via Submission with a Sleeper Hold
Flash eliminates Guzma in 15:24 via Submission with a Stealth Viper Hold
Florida Man eliminates Mina in 15:36 via Pinfall after a Backdrop
Manic eliminates Florida Man in 16:44 via Pinfall after a Deadlift German Suplex
Flash eliminates Manic in in 22:29 via Submission with an Dragon Sleeper
Flash Hammer eliminates Duckboy in 23:12 via Pinfall after a Lariat

[IGgy]

Week 131: The Animes Strike Back? - 2nd October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Well last show sure happened. There were things. Things that I don’t want to see repeated.

Oh!

Hopefully this update goes live, ideally before the next show.

We will run the matches back, rest assured. But that’s for the PPV. For now behold this week’s match card!

#1 Singles Match
Changes of Dash getting kicked in the nuts: high.
Dash Rendar vs. Josef Dub

#2 Singles Match
One of them surfs on a chair, the other breaks your limbs with it.
Surfborg vs. Plumeria

#3 Singles Match
Rick Wreckage mo like Rick Wrecked.
Abby Lawrence vs. Rick Wreckage

#4 Tag Team Match
CS winning by DQ ruined our usual booking of letting the winner of the tag match get a shot. Hopefully they don’t do it again.
Criminal Sanity vs. Wizards Not Allowed

#5 Singles Match
Yeah, just giving away the two Hellweight Champs with four defenses for free.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
I always root for the underdog. So whoever is not Suzan.
Suzan Blades vs. Kayu Zakisaka

#7 Legion Tag Championships
FOB get a shot because at least half the team (Doc) has won their last tag match… 16 episodes ago.
Fallout Boys vs. Caveman Connection

[IGgy]

Week 131: The Animes Strike Back? - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 131: The Animes Strike Back? - 2nd October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Well last show sure happened. There were things. Things that I don’t want to see repeated.

Oh!
[timg]https://i.imgur.com/7AIGD6W.png[/timg]
Hopefully this update goes live, ideally before the next show.

We will run the matches back, rest assured. But that’s for the PPV. For now behold this week’s match card!

#1 Singles Match
Changes of Dash getting kicked in the nuts: high.
Dash Rendar vs. Josef Dub

Dash defeats Josef in 4:03 via Pinfall after the Outrunner
Woah, that was fast! I’m pretty sure this was indeed our shortest singles match. Shockingly not our shortest match ever. That honor goes a four-way on our 30th episode when Nero Sin submitted DCB extremely fast. Still, Josef got owned. I knew he’d probably lose but I thought we’d get some ball-bustin going on at the very least.

#2 Singles Match
One of them surfs on a chair, the other breaks your limbs with it.
Surfborg vs. Plumeria

Surfborg defeats Plumeria in 12:37 via Submission with a Pendulum
Great showing from Surfborg, though. Didn’t waste any time to get out his greatest hits. Just has yet to do his finisher actual finisher. I wonder when he will bring that one out.

#3 Singles Match
Rick Wreckage mo like Rick Wrecked.
Abby Lawrence vs. Rick Wreckage

Abby defeats Rick in 14:32 via Pinfall with a Yoshi-Tonic
A great debut for Abby Lawrence in OHPW I wonder which opponents she’d like to face… or put in their place if they’re mean. I’m sure we’ll figure all that out. Not that Rick was just sitting there and took it, no. He too proved once again that he’s not only good together with the FOB but also on his own.

Scene: Mina and Anna May come out and make clear that they want to face KILL ANIME GIRLS. Shockingly, KAG comes out together with Palpy, who’s recruited KAG for Goatcorp. However KAG is already ranked higher than Palpy. They end up agreeing to a tag match in an Exploding Cage.

#4 Tag Team Match
CS winning by DQ ruined our usual booking of letting the winner of the tag match get a shot. Hopefully they don’t do it again.
Criminal Sanity vs. Wizards Not Allowed

Ooops, it’s a Barbed Wire Explosion Deathmatch now. And they all exploded after 20 minutes. So it’s a draw.
Well, this was a real shitshow. I was thinking of aborting and restarting but then cooler heads prevailed and I just decided to let the madness unfold. The thing is, I forgot to turn on Tornado Rules and there’s no check in place in the mod I use that prevents that from happening. So this was a regular tag match with Barbed Wire ropes, only you can’t climb through Barbed Wire ropes so the inactive members of the teams stood there in the corner and “pressed the button” to go outside, which is also the button to do a strike, which for both of them was a kick. They kicked forever as Undeddie and George Cluwne had a match with the additional Hazards of two people kicking perpetually in each corner. The crowd goes nuts it’s really loud. Not sure what else there is to say, really, I think describing it does it a disservice to begin with. As a bonus, here’s what happens if you do the same thing with a 4v4 tag.

#5 Singles Match
Yeah, just giving away the two Hellweight Champs with four defenses for free.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson

Pantha defeats Grace in 17:43 via Submission with the Pantha Claw
This match really wouldn’t have been out of place in the main event of a PPV for the Hellweight Title. One could almost say that Pantha fought the uphill battle here and indeed Grace able to control the match a bit better, getting more of her heavy hitters in. But when Pantha decided it was time for the kill, she fucking went for the kill and defeated the Fallen Ace of OHPW.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
I always root for the underdog. So whoever is not Suzan.
Suzan Blades vs. Kayu Zakisaka

Suzan Blades defeats Kayu in 16:47 via Pinfall after the Knightfall
Much like the previous match, this wouldn’t be out of place as a big Hellweight Title match, but it this match took on an intensity. While I mentioned Pantha fought an uphill battle in the previous match this is doubly true for Kayu. She never earned that Hellweight Title so she was really out there to prove that she could hang on that level. And in the end, to Suzan at least, she proved that she could. Suzan hits the Knightfall, one of the most deadly finishers in OHPW and decides it’s not enough, doesn’t go for the pin, thinks for a second and hits another to keep Kayu down, just to be safe. This was easily MOTN for me.

#7 Legion Tag Championships
FOB get a shot because at least half the team (Doc) has won their last tag match… 16 episodes ago.
Fallout Boys vs. Caveman Connection

Caveman Connection defeat the FOB when Arggah pins Doctor Mutant after The Original Destroyer
We have not seen a tag team match go off the rails like this in a while. Neither team could keep it clean. They threw out their opponents, ganged up on them, had big brawls on the outside. Weapons everywhere and blood. It was a close call but the Caveman Connection were able to retain their titles.

In what’s kinda hilarious to me the winners of all our matches were in the red corner, which in OHPW is purple. But generally speaking is the one near the ramp, aka to the right-hand side of hour view. Even the comedy of errors that was the Barbed Wire Tag match where I forgot to turn on Tornado rules had the judges award the win to the team in that corner.

[IGgy]

Week 132: AN ETERNAL CURSE UPON US - 9th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

#1 Exploding Cage Deathmatch
KAG teams up with anime killing vetaran Palpy to destroy anime.
Kill Anime Girls and Palpatine vs. Mina Park and Anna May

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Flash… aaa-AAAAH!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Supreme Sadim vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Spitbal vs. Danny V5 vs. Family Man vs. Skullistair vs. Flash Hammer (c)

#3 Singles Match
Genies and people called Midas are both no strangers to curses so this is a good match for this show.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Midas Minoson

#4 Tag Team Match
Running it back. But will it be better this time?
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey

#5 Singles Match
Oh, another runback. What will happen? I don’t know.
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Our entire Tag contendership spiel for this month went belly-up.
Pineapple Pizza vs. Caveman Connection (c)

#7 Darkweight Championship
Kickin’ blood!
Sapp Ledesma vs. Steve Dirt (c)

#8 Hellweight Championship
Suzan gets another chance to reclaim the ultimate prize.
Suzan Blades vs. Fomore (c)

[IGgy]

Week 132: AN ETERNAL CURSE UPON US - (Twitch VOD)
Try guessing which one was the cursed match before looking at the results.

@Match Card and Results

Week 132: AN ETERNAL CURSE UPON US - 9th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

[timg]https://i.imgur.com/aqWaews.jpg[/timg]

Scene: IGgy hangs out in the room where they store Satan who’s floating in a tube filled with the mystery liquid they normally use to fix up wrestlers but it doesn’t seem to work. Well, Flamander shows up for some reason and leaves again and then Suzan shows up afterwards. Bunch of weirdos.

#1 Exploding Cage Deathmatch
KAG teams up with anime killing vetaran Palpy to destroy anime.
Kill Anime Girls and Palpatine vs. Mina Park and Anna May

KAG and Palpy defeat Anna May and Mina Park in 20:09
KAG first eliminates Mina by pinning her after a spear and shortly after Anna May by pinning her after a headbutt.
This went about as well as you could except. And actually, Anna and Mina worked together pretty well to take down their common foe. Mina focused on Palpy for the most part while Anna focused on KAG. They switched it around at times but at some point KAG just decided he’s gonna win now and eliminated first Mina and then Anna in quick succession

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Flash… aaa-AAAAH!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Supreme Sadim vs. Koji Kojinaka vs. Spitbal vs. Danny V5 vs. Family Man vs. Skullistair vs. Flash Hammer (c)

Mr. Shakedown eliminates Flash Hammer in 23:39 via Submission with the Stomach Claw
Mr. Shakedown eliminates Danny V5 in 27:8 via Submission with the Wallet Squeeze
Spitbal eliminates Skullistair in 29:15 via Pinfall with a deadlift spinning Powerbomb
Sadim eliminates Family Man in 31:31 via Submission with the Humble Maker
Koji eliminates Sadim in 37:31 via Submission with a Neck and Arm Lock combination
Koji eliminates Spitbal in 39:33 via Submission with the Triangle Lancer
Koji eliminates Mr. Shakedown in 43:38 via Pinfall with the Smith Special
Would you look at that. Koji entered first along with Flash Hammer and made it all the way to the end and won and it way hype af. I don’t really have much else to say about this. So let’s have a quick look at Koji’s overall record. The thing is, Koji, at least in OHPW has a kind of middling record so far. Which I now can say is probably more bad luck or my image of him being too high so I book him against stronger opponents. He has a Win Percentage of 33.33%. So exactly a third. As far as Battle Royals go he’s won 40% of them (out of 5) Only 23.81% of his matches were Battle Royals. Maybe he somehow does better in that environment? Who knows?

#3 Singles Match
Genies and people called Midas are both no strangers to curses so this is a good match for this show.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Midas Minoson

Kayu defeats Midas in X:XX via CRITICAL! by hitting the Mahou Magical Splash
Ah yes. The cursed match. At some point Kayu was on the top rope waiting to do a dive when the referee decided to walk towards the cornern. And through the corner. And through the crowd. And finally into the unending Darkness that is the beyond of the game world. Unfortunately t his meant there was no referee present to count pins or record submissions. Or do anything else a ref is supposed to do. The thing is Kayu started mounting a comeback as soon as the ref was gone. Eventually she hit her Splash from the top rope to a CRITICAL! and just layed on top of Midas hoping for a ref to count the pin. But it never came. I awarded the match to Kayu but there was no referee present to record the result.

#4 Tag Team Match
Running it back. But will it be better this time?
Team Skull Grunts vs. Maya and Kelsey

The Team Skull Grunts defeat K+M in 39:08
Kelsey is eliminated first via Submission with a Crossface by Blue
Maya is eliminated second via Submission with a Crossface by Blue
Hey this wasn’t supposed to be elimination. But you know what? Why not? The match went about the way we wanted it to until both Kelsey and Blue refused to tag out for some reason. Well, Blue eliminated Kelsey and Maya comes in. At this point Blue was apparently in complete murder mode and stil refused to tag out. he managed to eliminate Maya as well, winning the Grunts the match.

#5 Singles Match
Oh, another runback. What will happen? I don’t know.
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Blaze Rider

ASS defeats Blaze Rider in 24:00 via Submission with Leg Lock Half Crab combination.
Finally, a match that goes the way we want it to again! This is everything I wanted ASS vs. Blaze to be when I booked it two weeks ago. Well it went a little longer than I’m normally happy with for a weekly match but this is a PPV so hell yeah.

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Our entire Tag contendership spiel for this month went belly-up.
Pineapple Pizza vs. Caveman Connection (c)

Pineapple Pizza defeat Caveman Connection in 17:07 via Submission when Pine Appel locks the Mandible Claw on Arggah
Argaah tried to much on Pine Appel and Cheese Pietzza multiple times and who can blame him? However, when he used a fork to try and eat Pietzza it became really fucked up because who does that? Anyway. Pine Appel submits Arrgah with one of his own moves. That’s gotta sting.

#7 Darkweight Championship
Kickin’ blood!
Sapp Ledesma vs. Steve Dirt (c)

Steve Dirt defeats Sapp Ledesma in 15:26 via Pinfall with an inverted Michinoku Driver
All right, peeps. This is our shortest match on the card. But it was still longer than our average singles match in 2019 (14:28)
As was also the longest shortest match ever. Meaning in this case that comparing all the shortest matches from all shows, this is the longest. As for the match itself. Sapp went in hard. But never went for the full neck destruction move. Had he done it he might have won but this match went to Steve. I think Steve just forgot what pain is because what Sapp did to him must have hurt a lot.

#8 Hellweight Championship
Suzan gets another chance to reclaim the ultimate prize.
Suzan Blades vs. Fomore (c)

Fomore defeats Suzan in 33:45 via Pinfall with the ACAB (Kudo Driver)
And to cap it off just an actually nice main event with a satisfying finish and everything. I’m glad that with more things going wrong in matches lately somehow this wasn’t one of them. They paced themselves at first but then went hard and didn’t stop. The match may have been a 33:45 in Fire Pro time but it didn’t feel that way.

[IGgy]

Week 133: Return of Ref - 16th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Well, I shouldn’t have called the last show a cursed show and not expected something “cursed” to happen. So this time let’s call it something we want to happen.

#1 Four Way Elimination
Look at these four, they’re gonna do great!
Great Maharaja vs. Boob Marley vs. Guzma vs. Vacation Skeleton

#2 Tag Team Match
Angus’ first match since he lost the Darkweight and RBF’s first tag match in a while.
The Union (Angus + Josef) vs. Real Beer Float

#3 Singles Match
Shockingly in his quest to face Freddie he hasn’t faced Tara yet.
Tara Milleneon vs. Not Your God

#4 Singles Match
Fresh off of a 7DP Reign, let’s see if he can beat Kayu.
Flash Hammer vs. Kayu Zakisaka

#5 Tag Team Match
Anime hating jerks… I wonder does Pink count as an anime girl?
Goatcorp. Enforcers vs. Team Skull Grunts

#6 Singles Match
This one should be a slamfest.
Pantha vs. Supreme Sadim

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
ASS has finally risen to get a chance much like Kayu did in the past.
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Steve Dirt

[IGgy]

Week 133: Return of Ref (Twitch VOD)

Average Match Time Total: 18:31, sounds reasonable.
Average Match Time this episode: 25:41, Yeah… I dunno. For our opener, feel free to simply read the results.

@Match Card and Results

Week 133: Return of Ref - 16th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Well, I shouldn’t have called the last show a cursed show and not expected something “cursed” to happen. So this time let’s call it something we want to happen.

Scene: Looks like Guy Skull is back. Time for IGgy to put him in his place.

#1 Four Way Elimination
Look at these four, they’re gonna do great!
Great Maharaja vs. Boob Marley vs. Guzma vs. Vacation Skeleton

Maharaja eliminates Boob in 21:17 via CRITICAL! with the Bull Killing Chop
Vacation Skeleton eliminates Maharaja in 59:23 via Pinfall with a Sunset Flip
Vacation Skeleton eliminates Guzma in 63:05 via Pinfall with a Crucifix Powerbomb from the second rope
Well, what the fuck was this? It started out all fine and fine, Maharaja got a really cool elimination but after that it soon when to shit. First they kicked out of each other’s moves and then they kept interrupting each other pins and submissions. It took almost an entire hour of total match time until we saw the second elimination. I guess the curse is still going strong.

#2 Tag Team Match
Angus’ first match since he lost the Darkweight and RBF’s first tag match in a while.
The Union (Angus + Josef) vs. Real Beer Float

The Union defeat RBF in 19:27 when Josef does the Cold Stone Creamer on Sgt. Sprinklez, knocking him out with his own move.
This match was a wind of fresh air after the eternal struggle that was the previous one. Not only did it finish in under average for a tag match it also had easily the spot of the night (see the gif above.) It even had a finish that could potentially set something up

Scene: Majin Bob Sapp comes out and goads VACANT into fighting him. VACANT shows up and defeats Bob Sapp, however, Bob Sapp so far has done the best against VACANT.

#3 Singles Match
Shockingly in his quest to face Freddie he hasn’t faced Tara yet.
Tara Milleneon vs. Not Your God

Not Your God defeats Tara Milleneon in 8:14 via Submission with London Dungeon.
Whew, on one hand it’s really disappointing that we didn’t get to see more of this, on the other hand after our opener I’m so glad this didn’t last forever.

#4 Singles Match
Fresh off of a 7DP Reign, let’s see if he can beat Kayu.
Flash Hammer vs. Kayu Zakisaka

Flash Hammer defeats Kayu Zakisaka in 10:48 vis Pinfall after a Lariat
Fire Pro must instinctively shorten these matches after having one real long one, I dunno. I stopped fucking with things that affect the length of singles matches actual years ago so this has to be Fire Pro working itself out. Match was pretty fun, though. It featured a lot of Flash kicking actual ass. Maybe he can finally break out in a big way.

Scene: Kelsey and Maya are at some garbage dump. Maya is chilling near her candy truck while Kelsey decides to be one with the garbage on top of the garbage hill because it helps her think or something. She wants to assemble this year’s gorefest. Steve then comes out and Kelsey decides that whoever loses his match will be in the Gorefest. Turns out Hobo is also there and Kelsey throws him into the qualifiers as well. As though that wouldn’t be enough Rick somehow also shows up and Kelsey sees that as a sign. She just needs one more person but no one shows up, so she’ll have to think more.

#5 Tag Team Match
Anime hating jerks… I wonder does Pink count as an anime girl?
Goatcorp. Enforcers vs. Team Skull Grunts

Goatcorp. beat The Grunts in 30:12 via Submission when Palpy puts Pink in a Figure Four Leg Lock.
Though we’ve seen KAG fight before this match really showed us that he just likes to pick people up and chuck them around. There was a lot of violence going on here and it was almost all good. After the match both KAG and Palpy continued attacking the grunts. Rude af.

#6 Singles Match
This one should be a slamfest.
Pantha vs. Supreme Sadim

Pantha defeats Sadim in 19:48 via Pinfall after a Top Rope Splash.
Sadim somehow did his 1001 Arabian Nights twice without going for a pin. Had he gone for the pin one of those times victory would be certain. Intead it cost him and Pantha was able to come back from that punishment and win.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
ASS has finally risen to get a chance much like Kayu did in the past.
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Steve Dirt

ASS defeats Steve Dirt in 28:10 via Pinfall after the Divekick
This sure was a match. Steve whipped out everything, did the Blood’n’Gutbuster three times. Did the Go To Hell a few times too for good measure. Meanwhile, taking down Steve was hard work too. It took three Divekicks and more punishment before that. Several Snapmare Drivers and other hard hitting moves. But ASS prevails and sets a new High Score.

[IGgy]

Week 134: JD3 - 23rd October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Once more we’re nearing Judgement Night so we gotta do the Gorefest thing and some other stuff.
Here’s the card for this weekend’s show.

#1 Singles Match
Oh uh… that guy hasn’t showed up in a while
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

#2 Singles Match
Can Danny withstand the knee?
Harley Havik vs. Danny V5

#3 Three-Way
One of these is not like the other. (It’s Thunder)
Sexton Blud vs. Cock Thunder vs. Pig Destroyer

#4 Singles Match
Two badasses who recently went through some changes, what’s not to love?
Harmony Gray vs. Abby Lawrence

#5 Singles Match
You took my finisher. I’ll take your life.
Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Josef Dub

#6 Bloodtober Gorefest Qualifier
Both have been in the Gorefest before. But only one can bake it back in.
Rick Wreckage vs. Hobo One Kevodki

#7 Legion Tag Team Champions
Is Cheese Pietzza an anime girl?
Goatcorp. (x) vs. Pineapple Pizza (c)

[IGgy]

Week 134: JD3 - (Twitch VOD)
The RNG has not been kind to us as of late, but I don’t dare to fuck with it because I know the moment I do the RNG will correct course and make it so all our matches go to a one hour time limit draw.

@Match Card and Results

Week 134: JD3 - 23rd October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Once more we’re nearing Judgement Night so we gotta do the Gorefest thing and some other stuff.
Here’s the card for this weekend’s show.

#1 Singles Match
Oh uh… that guy hasn’t showed up in a while
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

Goat-Monster defeats DCB in 11:54 via Pinfall after hitting the MGM Outta Nowhere
This was pretty ugly. It looked, at times, like Goat-Monster was just playing with his food a little.

#2 Singles Match
Can Danny withstand the knee?
Harley Havik vs. Danny V5

Danny defeats Harley in 7:55 via Pinfall with a Reincarnation
This didn’t seem nearly as short as it was. The match was competitive until the end when Danny got in a series of moves that ended up winning him the match.

#3 Three-Way
One of these is not like the other. (It’s Thunder)
Sexton Blud vs. Cock Thunder vs. Pig Destroyer

Sexton wins in 30:10 via DQ when he pretends Thunder hit him with a lighttube.
Wow, I can’t believe Sexton won another no DQ match via DQ. It keeps happening. (Mechanically the move is a regular submission that merely displays as a DQ so technically he won via Submission, but kayfabe.)

Scene: NYG once more does his bad peotry that doesn’t even rhyme and challenges Freddie. Freddie comes out and accepts this time.

#4 Singles Match
Two badasses who recently went through some changes, what’s not to love?
Harmony Gray vs. Abby Lawrence

Harmony defeats Abby in 16:18 via Pinfall with a deadlift spinning Powerbomb
Now this is what I’m talking about, Fire Pro! More like this please. These two hit the piss out of each other! Kicked out of each other’s moves and all that fine stuff and had a lot of back and forth.

#5 Singles Match
You took my finisher. I’ll take your life.
Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Josef Dub

Sgt. Sprinklez defeats Josef in 10:09 via DQ because Josef can’t stop holding on to Sprinklez balls
Josef does it again! What a dick. Maybe the two really do need to fight a third time like this is WWE where we get constant non-finishes and rematches.

#6 Bloodtober Gorefest Qualifier
Both have been in the Gorefest before. But only one can bake it back in.
Rick Wreckage vs. Hobo One Kevodki

Hobo defeats Rick in 10:42 via Pinfall after an Ushigoroshi
Another match that didn’t feel as short as it was. Mutch like wit Harley vs. Danny it was competitive until it wasn’t anymore and Hobo took control and went for the win.

#7 Legion Tag Team Champions
Is Cheese Pietzza an anime girl?
Goatcorp. (x) vs. Pineapple Pizza (c)

Cheese Pietzza win in 17:36 via Pinfall when Pine Appel splashes onot Palpy.
A fine match if you ask me. There was sufficient violence from KAG, sufficient eating shit from Palpy, sufficient eating shit induced on palpy by Pine Appel and Cheese Pietzza and the Pizza tema prevailed. What more can you ask for? Oh, right, a better rest of t he card. Well shit.

[IGgy]

Week 135: Judgement Dusk III - 30th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Next week is JUDGEMENT NIGHT III and I forgot to do the bit where I call the episodes leading up Judgement Dawn/Day/Dusk this year. I mean okay, I called the last one JD3, but that could mean anything. But I finally caught back up, welcome to Judgement Dusk III, here’s the card.

#1 4v4 Tag Match
This war rages on, eternally.
Anime Death Squad (KAG, Palpy, WNA) vs. Anime Defense Force (Skull Girls, Anna May, Samio)

#2 Singles Match
Note: Our Hell has no nobility
Baron of Hell vs. Family Man

#3 Singles Match
Ultimate Brain vs. Ultimate Brawn, match of the century (mid-card)
EGO vs. Muscle Wizard

#4 Legion Tag Championships No. 1 Contender Match
Undeddie and Mimic are going to dick kick city
The Union (Mina and Josef) vs. Criminal Sanity (Undeddie and Mimic)

#5 Bloodtober Gorefest Qualifier
What shall it be? Princess Slaughter? Or Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka

#6 Hellweight Championship No. 1 Contender Match
Can’t wait for Pantha to gloriously defeat Dash Rendar again.
Pantha vs. Dash Rendar for some reason

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Eight people enter… eight leave. But only one of them can win.
Lightning vs. Robutt vs. Duckbaby vs. Suman vs. Lea vs. Bone Idol vs. Florida Man vs. Koji Kojinaka (c)

[IGgy]

Week 135: Judgement Dusk III - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 135: Judgement Dusk III - 30th October 2021 - 22:00 GMT+2

Next week is JUDGEMENT NIGHT III and I forgot to do the bit where I call the episodes leading up Judgement Dawn/Day/Dusk this year. I mean okay, I called the last one JD3, but that could mean anything. But I finally caught back up, welcome to Judgement Dusk III, here’s the card.

#1 4v4 Tag Match
This war rages on, eternally.
Anime Death Squad (KAG, Palpy, WNA) vs. Anime Defense Force (Skull Girls, Anna May, Samio)

ADF defeat ADS in 13:47 via Pinfall when Plumeria drops KAG on his head with a Reverse Tombstone Piledriver
People hating anime is for no good reason is a tale as old as pro-wrestling. (Think Anime was only created later? Think again, Wrestling is Anime) but to have the anime haters come from within Wrestling is its ultimate self-loathing. However, the brave animes keep on fighting and this time, they emerged victorious. A great victory for anime. A great victory for pro-wrestling. But it’s not over… it’s not over yet, Snake!

#2 Singles Match
Note: Our Hell has no nobility
Baron of Hell vs. Family Man

Family man defeats (!) Baron of Hell in 20:20 via pinfall with a Running Liger Bomb
Holy shit! Everyone expected Family Man to get wrecked. And at first this looked very likely. But at some point Family man just decided to stop taking moves! I’m not bumping for you, brother! He turned into Shin Family Man X and whipped out moves that we don’t normally see him do. Truly a sight to behold. The Baron of Hell could not win in his debut, however, you don’t normally face Shin Family Man X in your first match.

#3 Singles Match
Ultimate Brain vs. Ultimate Brawn, match of the century (mid-card)
EGO vs. Muscle Wizard

EGO defeats Muscle Wizard in 20:06 via Pinfall after Super Ego Flying High
This match somehow turned into a hard fought epic too. It was intended as a nice nothing match so people could recover from the shock of Family Man getting completely destroyed. However, that didn’t happen. So Ego and Muscle Wizard fought it out hard. Still somehow protecting Muscle Wizard’s Finish, Bigdawgs Clenched Fist, by never doing it in 20 minutes. Nice.

#4 Legion Tag Championships No. 1 Contender Match
Undeddie and Mimic are going to dick kick city
The Union (Mina and Josef) vs. Criminal Sanity (Undeddie and Mimic)

The Union defeat Criminal Sanity in 16:25 via DQ when Josef pretends to have been kicked in the nards by Undeddie. One too many.
Ah, yes. The classic trick of getting your opponent DQ’d for a ball kick that never happened in a match full of crotch kicks that occurred in plain sight. Some might call this arbitrary. I call it art.

#5 Bloodtober Gorefest Qualifier
What shall it be? Princess Slaughter? Or Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka

Kayu defeats Kelsey in 9:22 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash
While this match ended rather quickly, especially compared to the previous singles matches, it was pretty intense. At one point Kayu decided to start using her finisher until it is successful. But it wasn’t until she did a Springboard Cross Body before the Mahou Magical Splash from the top rope.

Scene: Pantha and Dash are interviewed and cut short promos on the upcoming match.

#6 Hellweight Championship No. 1 Contender Match
Can’t wait for Pantha to gloriously defeat Dash Rendar again.
Pantha vs. Dash Rendar for some reason

Pantha defeats Dash in 32:39 via Pinfall with a Reincarnation
WHAOAAAAAAAOU Holy shit. This match started with Dash dominating. Even doing his finisher like four or so times. In a row. RNG was really on his side. But the fighting spirit was on Panthas. Pantha kicked out every time. Not only that she was able to make a blazing combeback. Move after move after move, culminating in the Pantha Claw… but Dash does not tap out. However, it’s clear at this point that both are at the end of their wints, whatever happens next could end it for either of them. Thankfully, for us all, it was Pantha who came out on top this time. No nightmare prospect of Dash potentially winning the big title again… whew. But it may only be a matter of time…

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Eight people enter… eight leave. But only one of them can win.
Lightning vs. Robutt vs. Duckbaby vs. Suman vs. Lea vs. Bone Idol vs. Florida Man vs. Koji Kojinaka (c)

Lea eliminates Koji in 23:07 by knocking him out with the Make-A-Wish. He STILL kicked out.
Lightning eliminates Suman in 26:58 by knocking him out with Lightning Strikes
Duckbaby eliminates Lea in 27:04 via Submission with Some weird leg-wrenching move.
Bone Idol eliminates Lightning in 29:51 via Pinfall after The Bone Zone
Robutt eliminates Florida Man in 31:21 via Pinfall with an O’Connor Roll German
Duckbaby eliminates Robutt in 32:13 via Submission by stomping a mudhole in his butt
Duckbaby eliminates Bone Idol in 34:57 via Pinfall by glomping them.
For some odd reason no eliminations happend for 23 minutes. The Chaos just continued for a long time, much longer than usual. But then they started falling. Big win for the Duckbaby in the end.

[IGgy]

Week 136: JUDGEMENT NIGHT III 6th November 2021 - 20:00 GMT+1
(Note for people in the US: This may be two hours early for me but it’s only one hour early for you. As always, click the link above for the exact time.)

Time for JUDGEMENT NIGHT: The Third
And in the main event we even have a rematch of the main event from the first. That’s badass. Much like the rest of the show! Here’s the card.

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
High stakes match, high profile wrestlers. And one baby above them all.
Family Man vs. Baron of Hell vs. Dicky P vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Skullistair vs. Haz Matt vs. Isabel Ibarra vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. (c)

#2 XOC Rules Match
This is down 10-count and submission.
Bobson Dugnutt vs. Palpatine

#3 Singles Match
I think this may or may not be highly anticipated, but it’s gonna be dope either way.
Grace Thoruson vs. Majin Bob Sapp

#4 Legion Tag Championships
Unionizing against the six time champs.
The Union vs. Pineapple Pizza (c)

#5 Singles Match
This has been coming for basically a year now.
Not Your God vs. Freddie Hope

#6 Darkweight Championship
This looks like a video game-ass match.
Flash Hammer vs. Arcade Legend Ass (c)

#7 Bloodtober Gorefest
Part three, still almost the same team.
Maya Northwind vs. Steve Dirt vs. Hobo One Kevodki vs. Kayu Zakisaka

#8 Hellweight Championship
Two years ago Fomore faced Pantha to win the title… but can they beat Pantha again?
Pantha vs. Fomore (c)

[IGgy]

Week 136: JUDGEMENT NIGHT III - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 136: JUDGEMENT NIGHT III 6th November 2021 - 20:00 GMT+1
(Note for people in the US: This may be two hours early for me but it’s only one hour early for you. As always, click the link above for the exact time.)

[timg]https://i.imgur.com/laXUaWJ.jpg[/timg]
Time for JUDGEMENT NIGHT: The Third
And in the main event we even have a rematch of the main event from the first. That’s badass. Much like the rest of the show! Here’s the card.

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
High stakes match, high profile wrestlers. And one baby above them all.
Family Man vs. Baron of Hell vs. Dicky P vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Skullistair vs. Haz Matt vs. Isabel Ibarra vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. (c)

Skullistair eliminates Family Man in 14:49 via Pinfall after a twisting reverse Stunner
Haz Matt eliminates Baron of Hell in 15:35 via CRITICAL! Submission with the Containment Unit on top of a light tube.
Haz Matt eliminates Isabel Ibarra in 27:14 via CRITICAL! Submission with the Containment Unit
Dicky P eliminates Haz Matt in 27:55 via Pinfall with Eiffel d’parachute
Dicky P eliminates Skullistair in 33:31 via Submission with a Double Armlock Half Crab
Dicky P eliminates Ricc 2 Thicc in 35:28 via Pinfall with a fancy roll-up.
Dicky P eliminates Quackenduckboy Jr. in 37:00 via Pinfall with a standing Shooting Star Press
Wow, what the fuck, how sid Dicky Fucking P eliminate four people??? I mean, he did enter last. But I hope he gets eliminated first in the next one.

#2 XOC Rules Match
This is down 10-count and submission.
Bobson Dugnutt vs. Palpatine

Palpy defeats Bobson Dugnutt in 15:32 via TKO on the third down.
Bobson controlled the match, bringing Palpy down for the count twice before even taking his first down. Unfortunately he succumbed to the reverse sweep. Truly a dark day for Palpy haters worldwide. And oh yeah, Bobson isn’t a regular Roster member but he’ll be in the upcoming Showdown Tournament.

#3 Singles Match
I think this may or may not be highly anticipated, but it’s gonna be dope either way.
Grace Thoruson vs. Majin Bob Sapp

Majin Bob Sapp defeats Grace Thoruson in 16:22 via Pinfall after the ULTRABEASTBACKBREAKER
This match went hard from the word go and was all I could have wanted from a match between those too. It also ended at the right time. Probably my favorite singles match on the card.

Scene: VACANT attacks Black backstage, Black powers up and fights back. Then Flamander comes to his aid and VACANT flees the scene.

#4 Legion Tag Championships
Unionizing against the six time champs.
The Union vs. Pineapple Pizza (c)

Pineapple Pizza defeat The Union in 20:10 when Cheese Pizza submits Josef Dub with an overextending grounded Facelock
Pineapple Pizza played it smart. Kept the action in their corner as much as possible. And that paid off! They were able to defend the titles for the second time. However, in their six-reigns they defended the title twice three times now. However, they never went past that.

#5 Singles Match
This has been coming for basically a year now.
Not Your God vs. Freddie Hope

Not Your God defeats Freddie Hope in 26:26 via Pinfall with an Emerald Flowsion
NYG wrecked Freddie’s arms early on, but Freddie refused to tap out all throughout the match. In the last ten minutes or so NYG was fully in control, but could still not get the win by submission, so had to compromise and get it via pinfall instead.

#6 Darkweight Championship
This looks like a video game-ass match.
Flash Hammer vs. Arcade Legend Ass (c)

Flash Hammer defeats ASS in 11:07 via Pinfall after the Star Dust Flash
Short and sweet. Both got their shit in and then left. Notably, Flash did his finish for the win immediately after kicking out of ASS’ finish. Classic.

#7 Bloodtober Gorefest
Part three, still almost the same team.
Maya Northwind vs. Steve Dirt vs. Hobo One Kevodki vs. Kayu Zakisaka

Maya eliminates Hobo in 18:48 via Submission with La Cavernaria
Maya eliminates Kayu in 21:04 via Pinfall with a Shooting Star Press after Steve stabbed her and Maya did a Seton on her.
Maya eliminates Steve Dirt in 24:13 via Pinfall with a Shooting Star Press after dropping Steve on his own exploding barbed wire bats
Maya does it for a third year in the row! Surely, she has enough candy to last her a life time??? At 15 minutes the ring exploded, but miraculously no one was out. They kept on fighting. At this point everyone was bleeding, including Kelsey, who took on Referee duties. But soon they all fell to Maya, who somehow is one of the least hardcore seeming persons on our roster and still wins the annual match we call the Bloodtober Gorefest.

#7.5 Singles Match

Killa Yano vs. Arn with a Glock

Arn shoots Yano, Yano survives then Yano shoots Arn and misses, then shoots again and hits Arn, who is unable to continue. Cos he’s too damn old. It took a whole 33 seconds.

#8 Hellweight Championship
Two years ago Fomore faced Pantha to win the title… but can they beat Pantha again?
Pantha vs. Fomore (c)

Pantha defeats Fomore in 55:17 (!) via Pinfall after a Superman punch and a top rope splash.
Holy shit they went almost a full 60 what the fuck, whoah!"!!! We had a back and forth first, then Fomore was in control, then a back and forth again and Pantha was in control, then a back and forth and then Fomore was in control and finally Pantha was able to take it back, though in the process I think Fomore destroyed her arms and legs. Much like Freddie she refused to tap out, though. It didn’t really FEEL that long I just knew it was getting long. And for shoot, I wanted this match to go long so I tweaked some things but when I thought long I was like “Yeah, 30 some minutes, with a ceiling of 40 is gonna be good. (so 15-20 in real time. Instead we went nearly 30)” Which is pretty long for a singles match. But Fire Pro’s RNG does what it does best, and that is spite you! It was still fun, if a bit exhausting.

OHPW - Showdown 2 Announcement

[IGgy]

All right!
This weekend we kick off the second Showdown Tournament with two nights in a row. Here’s a few links you may or may not care about.

Announcement Video - Posted this last week.
Tournament Standings - Nothing’s happened yet!
Predictions ← This is probably the most relevant one

Pay special mind to that last link for the predictions up there. They will close a bit before the show goes live on Friday. Unfortunately since this is a round robin tournament Challonge does not accept predictions. It’s piss easy to set up though so I did it myself with a simple google form. This means you can’t easily see how much points someone has gathered so I added a spreadsheet to help you calculate that if you want your predictions to make sense for whatever reason (lol)

Week 137: FIGHT! - 12th Nov 2021 - 22:00 GMT+1

#1-4 Showdown Tournament Block A - Round 1
Johnny Fuckyou (0) vs. Not Your God (0)
Austin Ramon (0) vs. Angus McMutton (0)
Bobson Dugnutt (0) vs. Harmony Gray (0)
Cocademon (0) vs. Fomore (0)

#5 Darkweight No. 1 Contender Match
EGO vs. Danny V5

#6-9 Showdown Tournament Block B - Round 1
Family Man (0) vs. Abby Lawrence (0)
Harley Havik (0) vs. KILL ANIME GIRLS (0)
Sgt. Sprinklez (0) vs. Sapp Ledesma (0)
Cock Thunder (0) vs. Mr. Shakedown (0)

#10 Seven Deadly Pins
DCB vs. Doctor Mutant vs. TSGG Blue vs. Guzma vs. Midas Minoson vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Dicky P (c)

Week 138: Knockout - 13th Nov 2021 - 22:00 GMT+1

#1-4 Showdown Tournament Block B - Round 2
Kill Anime Girls vs. Sapp Ledesma
Cock Thunder vs. Sgt. Sprinklez
Harley Havik vs. Family Man
Mr. Shakedown vs. Abby Lawrence

#5 Legion Tag Championship No. Contender Match
School of Slam vs. The Fun Gang (Skullistair and Bone Idol)

#6-9 Showdown Tournament Block A - Round 2
Johnny Fuckyou vs. Harmony Gray
Fomore vs. Bobson Dugnutt
Not Your God vs. Austin Ramon
Angus McMutton vs. Cocademon

#10 Underworld Darkweight Championship
TBD vs. Flash Hammer (c)