Week 123: Kid
And here we are: This Saturday. Usual place, usual time. Let’s Rock!
Finally, I’ve been waiting for this for 123 episodes: I can reference the 123 Kid in an episode title. That’s it, OHPW is over.
#1 J.O.B. Tournament Round 2
Wait, there’s a Tournament?
Great Maharaja vs. Dicky P
Dicky P defeats (WTF) Great Maharaja in 24:52 via Submission with an Armlock Boston Crab combo
Wow. Maharaja had this under control but refused to end it, wanted to play more with his prey than his prey buried the finishers of everyone by having the bear kick out of them at 1 or 2 and finally wins with some submission move.
#2 J.O.B. Tournament Round 2
Hold on, what happened to Round 1?
Harley Havik vs. Flash Hammer
Flash defeats Harley in 15:16 via Pinfall after the Star Dust Flash
Glad this was a normal match. We even had the cool story of Flash trying to outplay Harley at her own game (which is kicking people a lot, mostly with knees, but he didn’t really use many knees) and to the shock of everyone it worked! Flash even only needed to do his finisher once this time. I sense great things for Flash if he keeps this up.
#3 Tag Team Match
I feel like Josef’s total ball destruction was only a prelude to this…
Fallout Boys vs. The Union
The Union defeat the Fallout Boys in 34:18 (16:00+18:18) minutes via submission when Mina stomps a mudhole into Rick Wreckage
Almost at the start of the match VACANT shows up. No one really wants him there so everyone attacks him. Angus and Doctor Mutant also show up. But no one really seems to want them there when they really want to just help remove VACANT, what a shitshow. Eventually VACANT decides to leave and so do Doc and Angus. Finally, the match can commence uninterrupted. But what’s this? THE LIGHTS GO OUT! … … … no this is not an angle. The game just crashed. AND THE LIGHTS COME BACK ON! We restart the match. And it continues like nothing happened and The Union take it home when Mina just goes nuts and stomps Rick like mad.
#4 Singles Match
Movin’ up in the world. Zombie Eddie Guerrero is gonna force Grace to step up her game.
Grace Thoruson vs. Undeddie Guerrero
Grace Thoruson defeats Undeddie Guerrero in 8:11 via Pinfall after an Ushigoroshi
This was turned into a Barbed Wire Deathmatch and we all thought finally Grace is gonna get put in her place. But she still fucking did it. Didn’t take her long either. She just decided “I’m gonna win now” sooner than usual.
#5 Singles Match
Florida man challenges man thrice his size. Realizes mistake too late.
Florida Man vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
Ricc 2 Thicc defeats Florida Man in 7:24 via Pinfall with a Half Nelson Powerbomb
Well, this turned out to be your typical Ricc 2 thicc match. He didn’t really give Florida Man much of a chance.
#6 Darkweight No. 1 Contender Match
(clapping in the Terminator rhythm)
Dash Rendar vs. Suzan Blades
Dash defeats Suzan in 13:56 via submission WITH AN ARMBAR
I hate every time Dash wins and yet he keeps winning, it actually kinda pains me to see it especially when he does it to Suzan who used to never lose and would be a much better contender for the actual fucking top title. Fuck. But… it needs to be earned. So you gotta win, and Dash won.
#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Even if Angus can defend once more here, surely it’ll be the last…
Bone Idol vs. Angus McMuitton
Angus defeats Bone Idol in 15:10 via Pinfall after a Tru Bru
Mathematically speaking, Bone Idol had about a 9% chance to win this. The numbers themselves do odds a disservice though because Bone Idol was doing far better than 9%. It was perhaps closer to 69% but Angus’ current tear through everything, with his Hellfire Tournament win, his 17 match winning streak and his 8 defense Darkweight reign. This marked his 9th successful defense
