Week 120: ALL CHAMPIONS MUST DIE
regular time, regular place. Everybody dies!
#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Seven deadly pins, Seven falls to win, Seven paths to hell, And your trip begins
Tara Milleneon vs. Surfborg vs. Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Sapp Ledesma vs. F.O.E. vs. Spitbal vs. Majin Bob Sapp vs. VACANT (c)
[spoiler]VACANT eliminates Surfburg in 18:50 via submission with a Bow and Arrow Hold
VACANT eliminates Tara in 21:33 via submission with a Bow and Arrow Hold
Bob Sapp eliminates F.O.E. in 26:54 via submission with the Skull End
VACANT eliminates Sapp Ledesma in 28:25 via pinfall after an Izuna Drop
Bob Sapp eliminates Goat_monster in 30:24 via submission with the Skull End
VACANT eliminates Spitbal in 32:31 via submission with a Hanging Front Neck Choke
Bob Sapp eliminates VACANT in 36:06 via Pinfall after The Punch
It seems like Tara could recruit Sapp, Spitbal and Bob Sapp. Though I think whe was not actually able to talk to Bob Sapp because I didn’t actually put him in my draft. But maybe she guessed it, I dunno. Well, in any case. As you can see here VACANT and Bob Sapp are the only ones to eliminate people. And although VACANT was sent flying with a punch and pinned at the end, he still got more eliminations. But it’s true, VACANT is finally dethroned[/spoiler]
#2 Tag Team Match
What’s the clown’s deal?
Steve Dirt and Family Man vs. Wizards Not Allowed
Steve and Family Man defeat WNA when Family Man pins Chief Engineer in 23:05 by Trying His Best
This is the quintessential Family Man match. He simply tried his best and won the match with it. At the start of the match Steve was nearly pinned for a three-count after George Cluwney flipped out backwards. That’s just what I’m gonna call this move, I guess. But it all came up Milhouse for the Steve and Family Man
#3 Singles Match
I’ll take any excuse to see Palpy eat shit!
Palpatine vs. Pig Destroyer
Palpatine defeats Pig Destroyer in 19:16 via Pinfall with the Imperial Power Bomb.
A dark day, really. I thought Pig Destroyer had this for sure, that’s why I booked it. I just wanted Palpy to eat shit. But alas, Palpy showed that he’s not simply a joke. After all we need to remember that he used to be the longest reigning Bunny Champ in both LPFWA and OHPW. Although that was arguably accomplished via quetionable means.
#4 Four Way (First Fall)
Oof. I accidentally booked Dash. I’m trying to remove it, I’m sorry!
Vacation Skeleton (x) vs. Suzan Blades vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dashosphere
Vacation Skeleton wins in 7:57 via DQ by convincing the ref ASS said something really mean. Which she did not!
This looked like it was gonna be one of those matches where they pair up forever. But then Vacation Skeleton threw a mic in ASS’ hand and screamed bloody murder. Somehow this convinced the referee to DQ her, awarding VS the match.
#5 Singles Match
Freddie continues his proud tradition of not fighting NYG. But Isabel wants a go after their last meeting.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Not Your God
Isabel defeats. Not Your God in 26:22 via pinfall after a Reverse Firebird Splash
Isabel had to really fight for this one, this being the longest match on the show. Her arms looked worse for wear at the end. Probably why she wasn’t able to do her Schoolboy Powerbomb and instead elected to go for some flippy shit to wrap it up.
#6 Legion Tag Championships
I hope this does not take almost an hour.
Criminal Sanity vs. Kelsey and Maya
Kelsey and Maya defeat Criminal Sanity in 15:41 when Kelsey pins Mr. Shakedown after Prey Slaughtered
I didn’t expect this match to end this “quickly”. Under normal circumstances tag matches last longer than singles matche (in Fire Pro at least) but aside from the match with the bullshit finish this ended up being the shortest on the card. Prey Slaughtered is a devastating move but not even EGO must have expected that it would end like this as they didn’t come for the save. But I suppose Mr. Shakedown going to the outside with Kelsey moments before did more damage to him than expected.
#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Neither of these are strangers to being on the bottom. But they both overcame that.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Angus McMutton (c)
Angus McMutton defeats Kayu in 18:30 via pinfall after the Tru Bru.
Oh god, this match. Angus takes control but Kayu makes a comeback. We all believe in Kayu, maybe a miracle will happen! I guess Angus believes it too because he does something he hasn’t done before: An Ushigoroshi followed by the Tru Bru for the win. Throwing both of his most devastating moves at Kayu shows how much he was driven in a corner.
#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
So they meet again, but on different sides of the challenger/defender dynamic
Fomore vs. Harmony Gray (c)
Fomore defeats Harmony in 22:44 via submission with the Qutting Your Job For The Love Of The Art Clutch
They start it nice and slow. Some strikes, couple of holds… for about 10 minutes. Then suddenly they start tearing shit up. Harmony hits three consecutive powerbombs on Fomore, who in turn hits a few Crucifix Powerbombs. And then Fomore hits the Vertebreaker on Harmony, although on the outside. When the match goes back inside they continue at full speed until Fomore locks in the QYJFTLOTAC and Harmony has to tap out.
