Week 115: A Bone to Pick (No Skeletons)
Final show before skeleton wars. We haven’t even mentioned Roll Dem Bones yet.
#1 Singles Match Match
Two of our newest arrivals clash!
Flash Hammer vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.
Flash Hammer defeats Duckbaby in 14:33 via Pinfall after a Star Dust Flash
This ended up being a very fun match. At least I thought so. And I like to think I generally have good opinions. Duckbaby didn’t try to teabag Flash at least. And shockingly Flash went for the pin after his finishing move! And won! WOAH!
#2 Singles Match
Both of these are on a hot one match winning streak. I think.
Pig Destroyer vs. Hayley Simmons
Hayley defeats Pig Destroyer in 15:50 via Submission with a standing armbar.
They just hit each other really hard for a couple minutes to be quite honest. Hit each others moves and everything. But oh, no too close to the ropes, but oh no, kickout. It was also mostly Pig Destroyer’s match but Hayley managed to mount a comeback and successfully wore Pig Destroyer down to win with an armbar.
#3 Four-Way - Legion Tag Championship No. 1 Contender Match
Team Skull Grunt Blue vs. George Cluwne vs. Muscle Wizard vs. Palpatine
Muscle Wizard eliminates Palpy after 15:16 via submission with the Mandible Claw
Muscle Wizard eliminates George Cluwney after 20:39 via submission with another Mandible Claw
Muscle Wizard eliminates Blue after 23:42 via Pinfall after Bigdawg’s Clenched Fist
For this one I honestly hoped Blue would win because I wanted the grunts to face whoever wins the main event on this show but alas, Goat-Bone, Muscle Wizard cleaned house. Shocking no one it was a clusterfuck they made a point of never splitting apart until people were actually eliminated. Muscle Wizard just kinda takes it after eliminating everyone.
#4 Singles Match
I say this every time but these David vs. Goliath matches never stop being cool
Isabel Ibarra vs. Cock Lightning
Isabel Ibarra defeats Lightning in 12:04 via pinfall after some flippy shit.
This match, sadly, was very one-sided. Isabel had it under control start to finish. If anything this match proved that Lightning can take punishment. Because boy. That was gruesome. Isabel focused much more on here high-flying moves than usually, perhaps to defy Lightning a little bit, who is a high-flyer himself but did not take to the air a single time in this match. Except when Isabel threw him but I’m not gonna count that for our intents and purposes. After just over 12 Minutes Lightning finally stays down.
#5 Singles Match
Sapp’s shown he can win under varied circumstance. But what if that circumstance is a Grace that turned to the dark side?
Grace Thoruson vs. Sapp Ledesma
Grace defeats Sapp after 14:50 via pinfall after The Saving Grace (Fall From Grace)
Boy, did Grace have to fight for this one. Maybe Sapp had to prove something, maybe he simply took issue with Grace’s recent actions even though he was not himself involved. But Grace would not be our tied longest reigning Hellweight Champion if getting her shit kicked in completely would get her anywhere close to the breaking point. What I didn’t realize is that Grace was double booked that night as she had a match against Harmony coming up in SEWL. Either way, Grace could have taken this one easy but she’s just too spiteful at this point. Defeats Sapp and then moves on to continue the beatdown after the three-count.
#6 Tentative Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
There is a pending non-OHPW Match between Harmony and Grace that may affect immediate contendership
Fomore vs. Boob Marley
Boob defeats Fomore in 28:06 via submission with the Sunken Chest
Something must have been up because Boob was able to take control of most of this match. For every big hit that Fomore got in, Boob got in two or three. As if to spite our predictions for the number of Sunken Chests, Boob won with the seventh one. And wow, that did take long. Even though Boob got the bulk of the offense in we still went nearly 30 minutes.
#7 Legion Tag Championships
We just threw em together now they’re defending their title for a third time already. Wow.
The Union vs. Kelsey and Maya (c)
Kelsey and Maya defeat the Union in 26:56 when Maya pins Josef with a standing Shooting Star Press.
We had like three garbage wrestlers in this match. And all of them are garbage wrestlers by a different definition. Amazing how that works out. That said, they were about evenly matched. For a team we just threw together, that doesn’t even have a proper name, Maya and Kelsey sure are proving themselves as a unit here, successfully defending the Tag titles for a third time.
As for Match #6: action shakespeare is running her own fed in WWE 2k14 called SEWL (Something Else Wrestling League) that has a PPV coming up soon. There will be an I Quit match between Grace and Harmony. I agreed to give Grace a shot against Harmony’s Hellweight Title if she wins that match. If that doesn’t happen (or doesn’t happen in time) Whoever wins between Fomore and Boob will face Harmony instead. Otherwise they get a shot afterwards.
If you want to see SEWL live go here https://www.twitch.tv/actnshakespeare
If you want to catch up on the five “TV” episodes that already came out check out this playlist on YouTube
Now, that show has already happened a mere hour after OHPW. Grace was not able to beat Harmony, perhaps the fact that she fought Sapp on OHPW played a part in this but this means that our No. 1 Contender for the Hellweight Title is Boob Marley
