OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

[IGgy]

Week 109: Pizza is Justice
This Saturday at the usual time. Check it out.

#1 Blasphemous Contruct
This is an easter celebration. Hail Satan.
F.O.E. vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Skullistair vs. Not Your God

#2 Singles Match
This one’s a money match as far as we know.
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Dicky P

#3 Singles Match
Come to think of it, this one’s an LPFWA reunion in a way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Boob Marley

#4 Tag Team Match
The saga continues. These teams had a friendly rivalry for a while now.
SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float

#5 Singles Match
Can Isabel defeat the concept of slacking off? Tune in to find out.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Vacation Skeleton

#6 Singles Match
Big match for Sexton. Let’s see if his old light tube trick works on someone who’ll crush his brain.
Pantha vs. Sexton Blud

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
EGO vs. Spitbal vs. Haz Matt vs. Dash Rendar vs. Florida Man vs. VACANT vs. Suman. vs. Arggah ©

[IGgy]

Week 109: Pizza is Justice - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 109: Pizza is Justice
This Saturday at the usual time. Check it out.

#1 Blasphemous Contruct
This is an easter celebration. Hail Satan.
F.O.E. vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Skullistair vs. Not Your God

It’s impressive but somehow the final two of this match, Quackenduckboy Jr. and Not Your God, made it outside of the cage and finished the match there. Thankfully KO was one of the win conditions otherwise we’d have us a softlock. But yeah, shockingly the Duckbaby wins again.

#2 Singles Match
This one’s a money match as far as we know.
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Dicky P

Dicky P almost got his signature spots in but was hindered multiple times by these weapons lying around. Surely, if they hadn’t been there Dicky would have valiantly defeated the Goat-Monster. But alas. We got that Chokeslam Powerbomb from MGMon once more and Dicky P stayed the hell down.

#3 Singles Match
Come to think of it, this one’s an LPFWA reunion in a way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Boob Marley

In which DCB does all her cool moves and then Boob wins with the Boobplex. Boob did the Sunken Chest four (4)times.

#4 Tag Team Match
The saga continues. These teams had a friendly rivalry for a while now.
SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float

Sometimes I love this game. Before the match we mentioned they have a friendly rivalry and pointed out that Thunder and Austin in particular seem to like locking up. And then they did just that. Even when they weren’t legal they were often going at each other. The match also ended in classic Lightning fashion with the old “let’s overextend a little bit” gimmick. This time it paid off. Lighting struck and won the match for SHA-MO by pinning Sgt. Sprinklez.

#5 Singles Match
Can Isabel defeat the concept of slacking off? Tune in to find out.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Vacation Skeleton

This slapped. They did all their sick moves and Isabel did a million of those weird powerbombs that aren’t her finisher. VS went on vacation and did spring break. This was a bit of an upset all things told. Vacation Skeleton secured the win by folding Isabel up with a Rana.

#6 Singles Match
Big match for Sexton. Let’s see if his old light tube trick works on someone who’ll crush his brain.
Pantha vs. Sexton Blud

What the shit? They took their sweet time to end this. For the most part Sexton even fought clean. But in this match we saw why Pantha used to be the Hellweight Champion and she put Sexton down after over 25 minutes

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
EGO vs. Spitbal vs. Haz Matt vs. Dash Rendar vs. Florida Man vs. VACANT vs. Suman. vs. Arggah ©

Probably the Match of the Night. In this match an unlikely hero arose and crusehd Dash Rendar underneath his weight. Suman knocked Dash out and pinned him after a successful Suman Drop. It was a shock to us all when the last two standing were VACANT and Suman. It was not as much of a shock when VACANT won. But had there been another Suman Drop who knows what would have happened?

[IGgy]

Week 110: I skipped a week - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 110: I skipped a week!
Yeah, I skipped a week and now I forgot all the storylines and characters. But the show will be at the usual time.
Even though I forgot how to stream. It’ll be fine. Here’s a card.

#1 Singles Match
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Harley Havik

Very fast and entertaining match with zero lulls. It’s a shame Robo Meltzer didn’t like it but he’s been off lately anyway. DCB takes it in glorious fashion

#2 Singles Match
Palpatine vs. Florida Man

Florida Man learned how to do a Hammerlock at some point and decided to test it out on Palpy. It wasn’t that successful. Palpy hit the Imperial Powerbomb for the win. I think Palpy might be from Florida too.

#3 Tag Team Match
Danny V5 & Bone Idol & Super Samio vs. Kayu Zakisaka & Isabel Ibarra & Blaze Rider

This match was great! Well, there was a part in the middle that soft locked the game and we had to restart it, but it was good again after. Isabel manages to get the pin on Danny V5, thus earning her the dubious honor of being the Pokeymanz champ.

#4 Singles Match
Midas Minoson vs. Tara Milleneon

Slow it way down, brother! The more methodical pace of this match in comparison to the frantic (and sped up one) from the previous match had an interesting effect on this one. It was still an entertaining bout, of course. Midas manages to get the pinfall victory over Tara here. This was Midas’ second singles match this year and the second one that he won!

#5 Singles Match
Harmony Gray vs. Manic Misanthrope

Now we’re getting to the big leagues. These two showed us a competitive match. Until Harmony decided to show why she was our fourth Hellweight Champion and performed a series of hard hitting moves and won via pinfall.

#6 Singles Match
Suzan Blades vs. Dash, ugh.

It started out fine. Then Dash summoned the Husks who did a ton of double team move on Suzan and finally Dash hit the Shadows of the Empire to beat Suzan. Horrible.

#7 Legion Duo Championships
SHA-MO vs. Kelsey and Maya ©

Although there was some tagging in and out the bulk of the match was contested between Thunder and Maya. As was the end, when Thunder overextends, allowing Maya to hit him with a flipping run-up Senton for one time too many. Kelsey and Maya retain!

[IGgy]

Week 111: 1 - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 111: 1
Okay, I’ll be honest thinking of Episode titles is getting harder somehow. But I figured this one is okay.
Oh, right. Show at the usual time.

#1 Singles Match
Austin Ramon vs. Grace Thoruson

Austin and Grace had a nice competitive match until Grace decided “I win now” and hit Austin with six consecutive Suplexes. Although he kicked out of that, he could not recover from that and the match ended in under ten minutes after a Blue Thunder Bomb.

Scene: The Fun Gang as well as Bone Idol and Skullistair are backstage, Vacation Skeleton announces their intent to let one of them join the Fun Gang. Whoever has the more entertaining match tonight will get the spot. Fomore points out that neither of them have a match and Vacation Skeleton lets both join.

#2 Four-Way
Team Skull Grunt Pink vs. Rick Wreckage vs. Hobo One Kevodki vs. Hayley Simmons

In a kind of surprise twist Hayley eliminated everyone for the win. Maybe we need to give her another chance.

#3 Singles Match
Flash Hammer vs. Doctor Mutant

This is the same match as the opener but without the six consecutive suplexes. Although competitive at the start Doctor Mutant, at some point, simply activates and goes for the kill.

#4 Singles Match
Koji Kojinaka vs. Pig Destroyer

After some rather disappointing singles matches so far this one just delivered. I dunno, this somehow went 30 minutes and didn’t get boring. There was a point where they just traded finishers back and forth because why not. After Pig Destroyer hits his fourth of fifth or so Koji finally stays down for a three-count.

Scene: Sexton, no stranger to using his ass for the good of mankind, approaches Suman. Who recently used his ass for the good of mankind, though, possibly inadvertently. Sometimes you just have to sit on Dash after all. However, Sexton is determined to text the conviction of Suman’s ass and challenges him, if he feels that his behind can measure up to the justice of asses.

#5 Tag Team Match
Space Wizards vs. The Fun Gang

This week on “overextending actually secretly is a good idea that makes you win!” Vacation Skeleton doesn’t tag out anymore despite having his ass kicked and somehow gets the win against Jan Itor.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Dash, unfortunately vs. Harmony Gray

Dash fucking does it again! And it’s not like he needs it, but he did summon his Husks once more. They did not get in quite as many heavy hits as they did against Suzan and perhaps because of this Harmony was still able to defeat the evil.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Pantha vs. Angus McMutton ©

Pantha: A wrestler who targets the head to end the match with the Pantha Claw - Angus: A wrestler who has a hard head and uses his head as a weapon to destroy his opponents. You cannot deny that Pantha was successful in dismantling Angus’ head, he could barely stand for a while after fighting out of the Pantha Claw, but he recovered and finished it with the Tru Bru, his devastating headbutt to retain the Darkweight Title.

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Today it’s a PPV: WELCOME TO DIE

#1 Seven Deadly Pins feat. VACANT ©
#2 Mina Park vs. Sapp Ledesma
#3 Team Skull vs. The Fun Gang
#4 Sexton Blud vs. Suman
#5 Anna May vs. NYG
#6 The Fun Gang vs. Kelsey & Maya © for the Legion Tag Titles
#7 Dash Rendar vs. Angus McMutton © for the Darkweight Title
#8 Harmony Gray vs. Black © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 112: WELCOME TO DIE - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 112: WELCOME TO DIE

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Dicky P vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Steve Dirt vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Agnes Paragon vs. VACANT ©

Dicky P and VACANT start us off and it doesn’t look good for Dicky. Things don’t improve much as this goes on, naturally and he’s the first to be eliminated. A sign of things to come. I was surprised there were people who didn’t realize that VACANT was completely overpowered. But on the other hand, I also figured a match like this where he is in from the start and then other people come in over time would be the best for actually taking him out. Especially with people like Ricc 2 Thicc or Mr. Shakedown who’ve taken down powerful opponents in the past. Finally, it came down to Agnes and VACANT as the final too. And we had hope for Agnes, but hope is not always grounded in logic. VACANT successfully defends the Seven Deadly Pins by beating up a poor, poor old lady.

#2 Singles Match
This one guy is new. Let’s put him against someone known for setting shit on fire and kicking balls.
Mina Park vs. Sapp Ledesma

Fukken Mina. If wrestling was fake she’d probably be punished for this but since it’s real… let’s just take she took multiple of Sapp’s finishers and one time kicked out before the count even started. She was probably just too stupid to feel the pain but eventually her body caught up with her and she stayed down after getting kicked in the head.

#3 Tag Team Match
It’s funny because Team Skull has no skeletons while The Fung Gang has three.
Team Skull vs. The Fun Gang

After wrestling with technical difficulties for a long-ass time that I mercifully cut out of the VOD we begin with this madness. Normal match, right? Looks like Team Skull win by pinning Skullistair… but… what? The match continues? This is elimination now, sure let’s roll with it. The next Fun Gang Member to fall is Nawt a Robutt. Bone Idol and Fomore hold out for a long time but they can’t eliminate a single member of Team Skull. Tragedy strikes and Bone Idol is eliminated, leaving Fomore against the entirety of Team Skull. Then fomore puts Pink in a Figure Four, submitting her. Then taps out Guzma WITH A CROSSFACE, then taps out Plumeria WITH AN ARMBAR* and finally taps out Blue WITH AN ARMBAR! What the hell? It was really cool, though. Even though the match took forever.

#4 Singles Match
Two warriors about to test their asses.
Sexton Blud vs. Suman

You know how the old saying goes? “Damn, that was good, I’m too excited, I hope this next match sucks.” Yeah, it thankfully sucked. Sexton defeats Suman by grabbing his boob

#5 Singles Match
Cou can’t put an anime in an armbar.
Anna May vs. Not Your God vs. F.O.E. vs. Grace Thoruson

Well, we had too people insert themselves into this match. But at least this was decided by the two people actually booked when Anna May hit the Crunchy Roll on NYG and was able to pin him.

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Spoilers: The Fun Gang win by DQ again, thus not winning the title (officially)
The Fun Gang vs. Kelsey & Maya ©

This match was really good. At one point Vacation Skeleton just went nuts and sent everyone on Spring Break and also doing some other stuff while they were at it. Sadly, my prediction of The Fung Gang winning by DQ did not come true, as funny as it would have been for that happening again. Instead, Maya pinned DCB and the team that somehow still doesn’t have a name successfully defend their titles for the second time.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Angus won it from Dash. And I’m not sure Dash wants it back but he can try.
Dash Rendar vs. Angus McMutton

A nice and clean match, to be honest. Even though I banned the Husks from ringside I didn’t expect Dash to not do anything weird. In the end Dash did the correct thing and got headbutted and got pinned by Angus.

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Most of the time, the first defense is against someone significant, to prove that it was not just a fluke.
Suzan, Pantha, Harmony and Grace. Each three defenses or more. The Mount Crushmore of OHPW.
Harmony is the third among them to get a chance to surpass that by becoming the first two-time Hellweight Champion.
I should probably start hyping shit like this up more.
Harmony Gray vs. Black ©

Oh shit, Black hits the Blackout stomps a mudhole into Harmony and walks it dry! Yeah, this is the start of the match. Oh fuck, Harmony doesn’t fight back what the hell? It was so one sided I even thought I messed up my settings. But then Harmony gets the foot back in the door. It was hard work but eventually they are on equal footing again. The Arachnid’s Grip, deadlift powerbombs, several of them and other brutal shit are what it takes for Harmony to put down black with one final deadlift powerbomb after almost exactly 20 minutes. Harmony is the first two-time hellweight champ!

Scene: The other half of Danger Spider, Grace Thoruson, enters the arena and stands face to face in the ring with Harmony. There’s tension in the air until Grace extends her hand to congratulate her friend on an amazing win… followed by Grace dragging Harmony to the ground with an STO and following it with a Koji Clutch. That’s some vile shit right here. Apparently there’s been some friction between the two for a while now that just didn’t manifest itself in OHPW.

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, our wrestling federation, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s today’s matches:
#1 Danny V5 vs. Isabel Ibarra
#2 Sapp & Harley vs. Maharaja & Suman
#3 George Cluwne vs. Spitbal
#4 Kayu Zakisaka vs. Midas Minoson
#5 DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Grace Thoruson
#6 Mr. Shakedown vs. Fomore
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. VACANT ©

[IGgy]

Week #113: Submission Masters - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 113: Submission Masters
This time again at the normal time instead of an hour early. And the Seven Deadly Pins will likely have no pins and only have submissions this time.

#1 Singles Match
I could swear this happened before but it did not. Here’s our hot opener
Danny V5 vs. Isabel Ibarra

A few weeks back Isabel pinned Danny in a tag match, earning her the Pokeymanz title from him. However, as you may know, we don’t actually recognize that title so I booked this match having forgotten that Danny lost the title. Thankfully I remembered before the show. Anyway, they had a nice little back and forth until Isabel decided to show that youngster how to flip properly.

#2 Tag Team Match
The match of the Asses of legend did not go well for Suman. Can he make a comeback by resisting the kicks of Sapp and Harley? Also, there’s a bear.
Sapp Ledesma & Harley Havik vs. Great Maharaja & Suman

I don’t think we’ve seen either Maharaja or Suman this animated in a while. If ever. They gave Sapp and Harley a run for their money with Harley often forgetting this is a tag match and that she can tag out. They did end up working together and it culminated in Sapp hitting his Vertical Neckbreaker into a Brainbuster on Maharaja. And this time it only took one.

#3 Singles? Match
This is weird. The Clown showed up in my office and said honk then the engineer yelled a bunch and dragged him out and didn’t use the door. I’ll decide which of these things I found more annoying on the show.
Whichever member of Wizards Not Allowed annoys me more at the time. vs. Spitbal

It was George vs. Spitbal. Before the match we tried to remember how many singles matches George has been in. It turns out this was his fourth. Though, two of his previous ones were against VACANT. Considering the relative lack of experience here the match was very competitive. But Spitbal still came out on top and was able to pin the Cluwne.

#4 Singles MAtch
I love my David vs. Goliath stories. Just never gets old
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Midas Minoson

For whatever reason, matches with Midas in them have a tendency to go long. Thankfully this match had a long but reasonable length. Not more than an hour. One might say that Kayu would have won if it hadn’t been for these pesky ropes and their rope breaks but the bottom line is that Midas pinned Kayu after an Ushigoroshi. It’s almost as if the Ushigoroshi is the secondary OHPDub Special or something. A lot of people seem to have it.

#5 Singles Match
These two have never faced each other in singles competition in OHPW. They have in LPFWA, though.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Grace Thoruson

In LPFWA Grace was able to beat DCB much more easily. But since then DCB has grown, and she’s also pissed this time. What Grace did to Harmony the week before must have really upset her. So she really brought out all the big guns and even forewent The Transitional Move going straight for her Corner run-up Shiranui that she calls the Espresso Shot. But it was not enough to keep the former Ace down. It took her 19 minutes but eventually, Grace could overwhelm DCB and submit her. After the match, Grace continued attacking DCB. It seems this is not just a Danger Spider dispute that escalated but something inside Grace has snapped.

#6 Singles Match
After Fomore tapped out four people in quick succession last week I’m sure they can tap out Shakedown at least once in a normal match
Mr. Shakedown vs. Fomore

Fuck! What the hell are you doing, we’re not even in the Tokyo Dome (I mean, in-game we use the venue modeled after the Tokyo Dome but don’t tell that to anyone). The two bastards went for 28 minutes and 49 seconds. In this time they fought out of each other’s submission finishers multiple times. There were Wallet Squeezes, Triangle Lance Locks, Modified Cavernarias, Handshakes gone wrong and more. After they broke each other’s backs and arms and legs eventually Fomore was able to bring Mr. Shakedown to his breaking point and win via submission.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Facing VACANT are a bunch of people who have a submission finisher, specialize in submissions or both.
A Mimic vs. Boob Marley vs. Not Your God vs. EGO vs. Haz Matt vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Austin Ramon vs. VACANT ©

Boob did absolutely no Sunken Chests in this one. In fact, I’m not sure he’s done anything in this match. Maybe he realized that in a match with VACANT it’s best to be eliminated first. Although we had eight people in this match the main story of it seemed to play out after cheese Pietzza was eliminated at around the 22 minute mark. For the next 15 minutes, more or less, Ego and Haz Matt beat each other up while VACANT watched. Matt took a lot of damage before in the match and still somehow didn’t submit to anything. EGO just kinda beat up on Matt for all this time until Matt put Ego in the Containment Unit probably more fueled by spite than anything else, making EGO tap. Now it was between a completely wrecked Haz Matt and VACANT. VACANT simply toyed with his food for 1-2 minutes before finishing it, retaining the Seven Deadly Pins again, becoming the second person next to Flamander to have successfully defended this title twice during a reign.

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, our wrestling federation, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s today’s matches:
#1 Caveman Connection vs. Fallout Boys
#2 Undeddie Guerrero vs. Chief Engineer
#3 Supreme Sadim vs. Sgt. Sprinklez
#4 Super Samio vs. Cock Thunder
#5 The Union vs. Steve Dirt & Family Man
#6 Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pantha
#7 Midas Minoson vs. Angus McMutton © for the Darkweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 114: No Skeletons Again - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 114: No Skeletons Again
Same time as always* as we head towards skeleton wars!

We are building towards skeleton wars and we still have no skeletons booked. What the hell?

#1 Tag Team Match
Those from a time before history against those from a time after history. Cool!
Caveman Connection vs. Fallout Boys

Woah, this opening contest went for almost 30 minutes. And it was a tag match. Why would you do that? Eventually, Doc managed to pin Ungaah.

Scene: Vacation Skeleton hangs out in the Business May Die bar chatting up Susan, the barkeep when IGgy comes in to remind Vacation Skeleton that skeleton wars will be happening again soon and then leaves again. Japanese deathmatch legend Sans Undertale also shows up and orders Ketchup.

#2 Singles Match
Using a Hazmat Suit against a zombie is probably safe
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Chief Engineer

Undeddie actually lied cheated and stole in this here match. Winning the match with an armbar. But not after tricking Chief to go to the outside repeatedly where Mr. Shakedown roughed him up.

#3 Singles Match
I guess we can count this as a hoss-off
Supreme Sadim vs. Sgt. Sprinklez

Two people using similar styles do battle here. Sprinklez even took Sadim’s 1001 Nights, a move that’s never been kicked out of… and didn’t kick out of it. Because it was a rope break. Shortly after another Humble Maker was enough to get Sprinklez to his breaking point and tap out.

#4 Singles Match
Will Thunder finally unstrap properly??? If not he stands no chance against Samio!
Super Samio vs. Cock Thunder

Almost 30 minutes but it didn’t feel that way. A very hard-hitting bout. Thunder even removed the strap late into the match and despite Samio’s best efforts against that, Thunder got the win by submission.

#5 Tag Team Match
This is gonna be a shitshow. I just know it
The Union vs. Steve Dirt & Family Man

This match had it all: Kicks to the groin, punches to the groin, headbutts to the groin, groin claws, barbed wire baseball bat camel clutches. One of these things is not like the other but there was blood. The Union took this after Mina hit a running headbutt on Steve Dirt and sat on his face for a three-count.

#6 Singles Match
There’s some kinda grudge here I guess. It happened months ago. I forgot what this is about.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pantha

The big grudge match about the duckbaby using Pantha’s finisher that one time. We might have blown this out of proportion because Pantha didn’t even care enough to submit duckboy with the Pantha Claw and instead went for a Poison Rana to do the deed.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
Midas impressed with his third consecutive win last week… now it’s time to step it up. Drink the bru!
Midas Minoson vs. Angus McMutton

This did not turn into gold for Midas. But he did well fighting back against an Angus who is currently in the middle of the hottest run of his life. Midas drinks the bru and stays down for 3.

[IGgy]

Week 115: A Bone to Pick (No Skeletons) - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 115: A Bone to Pick (No Skeletons)
Final show before skeleton wars. We haven’t even mentioned Roll Dem Bones yet.

#1 Singles Match Match
Two of our newest arrivals clash!
Flash Hammer vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.

Flash Hammer defeats Duckbaby in 14:33 via Pinfall after a Star Dust Flash
This ended up being a very fun match. At least I thought so. And I like to think I generally have good opinions. Duckbaby didn’t try to teabag Flash at least. And shockingly Flash went for the pin after his finishing move! And won! WOAH!

#2 Singles Match
Both of these are on a hot one match winning streak. I think.
Pig Destroyer vs. Hayley Simmons

Hayley defeats Pig Destroyer in 15:50 via Submission with a standing armbar.
They just hit each other really hard for a couple minutes to be quite honest. Hit each others moves and everything. But oh, no too close to the ropes, but oh no, kickout. It was also mostly Pig Destroyer’s match but Hayley managed to mount a comeback and successfully wore Pig Destroyer down to win with an armbar.

#3 Four-Way - Legion Tag Championship No. 1 Contender Match
Team Skull Grunt Blue vs. George Cluwne vs. Muscle Wizard vs. Palpatine

Muscle Wizard eliminates Palpy after 15:16 via submission with the Mandible Claw
Muscle Wizard eliminates George Cluwney after 20:39 via submission with another Mandible Claw
Muscle Wizard eliminates Blue after 23:42 via Pinfall after Bigdawg’s Clenched Fist
For this one I honestly hoped Blue would win because I wanted the grunts to face whoever wins the main event on this show but alas, Goat-Bone, Muscle Wizard cleaned house. Shocking no one it was a clusterfuck they made a point of never splitting apart until people were actually eliminated. Muscle Wizard just kinda takes it after eliminating everyone.

#4 Singles Match
I say this every time but these David vs. Goliath matches never stop being cool
Isabel Ibarra vs. Cock Lightning

Isabel Ibarra defeats Lightning in 12:04 via pinfall after some flippy shit.
This match, sadly, was very one-sided. Isabel had it under control start to finish. If anything this match proved that Lightning can take punishment. Because boy. That was gruesome. Isabel focused much more on here high-flying moves than usually, perhaps to defy Lightning a little bit, who is a high-flyer himself but did not take to the air a single time in this match. Except when Isabel threw him but I’m not gonna count that for our intents and purposes. After just over 12 Minutes Lightning finally stays down.

#5 Singles Match
Sapp’s shown he can win under varied circumstance. But what if that circumstance is a Grace that turned to the dark side?
Grace Thoruson vs. Sapp Ledesma

Grace defeats Sapp after 14:50 via pinfall after The Saving Grace (Fall From Grace)
Boy, did Grace have to fight for this one. Maybe Sapp had to prove something, maybe he simply took issue with Grace’s recent actions even though he was not himself involved. But Grace would not be our tied longest reigning Hellweight Champion if getting her shit kicked in completely would get her anywhere close to the breaking point. What I didn’t realize is that Grace was double booked that night as she had a match against Harmony coming up in SEWL. Either way, Grace could have taken this one easy but she’s just too spiteful at this point. Defeats Sapp and then moves on to continue the beatdown after the three-count.

#6 Tentative Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
There is a pending non-OHPW Match between Harmony and Grace that may affect immediate contendership
Fomore vs. Boob Marley

Boob defeats Fomore in 28:06 via submission with the Sunken Chest
Something must have been up because Boob was able to take control of most of this match. For every big hit that Fomore got in, Boob got in two or three. As if to spite our predictions for the number of Sunken Chests, Boob won with the seventh one. And wow, that did take long. Even though Boob got the bulk of the offense in we still went nearly 30 minutes.

#7 Legion Tag Championships
We just threw em together now they’re defending their title for a third time already. Wow.
The Union vs. Kelsey and Maya ©

Kelsey and Maya defeat the Union in 26:56 when Maya pins Josef with a standing Shooting Star Press.
We had like three garbage wrestlers in this match. And all of them are garbage wrestlers by a different definition. Amazing how that works out. That said, they were about evenly matched. For a team we just threw together, that doesn’t even have a proper name, Maya and Kelsey sure are proving themselves as a unit here, successfully defending the Tag titles for a third time.

As for Match #6: action shakespeare is running her own fed in WWE 2k14 called SEWL (Something Else Wrestling League) that has a PPV coming up soon. There will be an I Quit match between Grace and Harmony. I agreed to give Grace a shot against Harmony’s Hellweight Title if she wins that match. If that doesn’t happen (or doesn’t happen in time) Whoever wins between Fomore and Boob will face Harmony instead. Otherwise they get a shot afterwards.
If you want to see SEWL live go here https://www.twitch.tv/actnshakespeare
If you want to catch up on the five “TV” episodes that already came out check out this playlist on YouTube

Now, that show has already happened a mere hour after OHPW. Grace was not able to beat Harmony, perhaps the fact that she fought Sapp on OHPW played a part in this but this means that our No. 1 Contender for the Hellweight Title is Boob Marley

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Get ready for skeleton wars 3

Yeah, the time is wrong because it was an hour later last year and I literally compied over all the elements, so what, sue me!

#1 Seven Deadly Pins feat. VACANT ©
#2 Fomore vs. Anna May
#3 Isabel Ibarra vs. Cock Thunder vs. Pantha
#4 EGO vs. Haz Matt
#5 School of Slam vs. Kelsey and Maya © for the Legion Tag Titles
#6 Suzan Blades vs. Angus McMutton © for the Darkweight Titles
#7 roll dem bones 3
#8 Boob Marley vs. Harmony Gray © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 116: skeleton wars 3 - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 116: skeleton wars 3

skeleton wars 3!!!
Somehow, this is our 29th PPV.
To celebrate nothing in particular we got some matches on the card.

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Let’s sicc the creme de la creme on VACANT. Former 7DP champs as well as his worst rivals!
Flamander vs. Dash Rendar vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. DCB vs. Mina vs. Hobo vs. Black vs. VACANT ©

Dash eliminates Black in 11:41 via Submission with a Stomach Claw
Mina eliminates Dash in 18:01 via Pinfall after an Ushigoroshi
VACANT eliminates Mr. Shakedown in 18:26 via Pinfall after Croyt’s Wrath
Hobo eliminates Mina in 21:27 via Pinfall after a Diving Headbutt
VACANT eliminates Flamander in 21:47 via Pinfall after an Izuna Drop
VACANT eliminates Hobo in 33:44 via Submission with repeated Knee Strikes to the head
VACANT eliminates DCB in 34:23 via Pinfall after Croyt’s Wrath
Despite our best efforts VACANT retains the Seven Deadly Pins becoming the first to successfully defend it more than two times. The biggest shock was probably Black being eliminated first. Sure, he was the first in along with VACANT and took a lot of punishment in a short time but it was still surprising. Throughout the match VACANT made liberal use of Izuna Drops. With this many fatal drops on their heads it’s a miracle people were able to last as long as they did.

Scene: Steve Dirt and Family Man hang out backstage and are just happy they don’t have to wrestle today and can just enjoy skeleton wars. Then Florida Man barges in and announces that he stole the skeleton tincture* from IGgy’s office. Family Man and Steve try to tell Florida Man that this isn’t how you turn into a skeleton, seeing as they did it last year for the roll dem bones but he’s both impervious to logic and actually letting his friends finish a sentence and rides off into the hallways with the intent to become a skeleton…

#2 Singles Match
Last month Fomore took on an entire team of four on their own and came out on top. Which was pretty anime. However…
Fomore vs. Anna May

Fomore defeats Anna May via Pinfall in 20:43 after a running Kick to the back of the head.
Despite the appearance of the two contestants one of them wrestles a more shoot oriented style, at least partially. That’s Fomore. Anna May on the other hand, after doing good at first, focused too much on doing her dance after a while. It’s impossible to tell if this was the reason she lost in the end, seeing it is also what endears her to the fans so much. But since Fomore was able to take it with a kick to the back of the head, not even a fancy move, speaks for itself.

#3 Three Way (First Fall)
Isabel defeated Lightning with authority. But here’s Thunder and a cat.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Cock Thunder vs. Pantha

Thunder defeats Pantha in 26:38 via KO by Suplexing her extremely hard.
Since this is first fall to a finish and the Pokeymanz Title only changes hands if the champion themselves takes the fall Isabel Ibarra retains this unsanctioned title. But she has plans for the rest of the night too…

#4 Singles Match
They had something going in the last 7DP, let’s let them settle it one on one.
EGO vs. Haz Matt

Haz Matt defeats EGO in 13:37 via Submission with The Containment Unit.
This one was decisive. In their last meeting EGO seemed to have Matt’s number but now in a one on one environment things are different and Matt is able to take control and keep it for the most part. He tries to finish it early. And keeps trying until he succeeds. EGO is not able to use any of their bigger moves.

#5 Legion Tag Championships
K&M took it from the School of Slam. Now they want to reclaim their titles.
School of Slam vs. Kelsey and Maya ©

Kelsey and Maya defeat the School of Slam when Maya pins Sadim in 22:30 after her corner run-up Senton
Opposed to their last encounter when SoS lost their title this one got the chance to become more competitive and didn’t end in a Crit. But Kelsey and Maya prove that somehow just throwing random people together trumps being a unit all along.

#6 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Two years in the making. They have not fought one on one since the finals of the first Hellfire Tournament.
Suzan Blades vs. Angus McMutton ©

Angus defeats Suzan in 19:08 via Pinfall after an Ushigoroshi.
It seems things were different now than they were two years ago. Angus comes out on top. Although, it bears mentioning that neither of them used their finishing move. They simply used other high-impact moves and a lot of them. Who knows how their next meeting will end?

Scene: Family Man and Steve Dirt find IGgy standing over Florida Man’s unconscious body. It turns out Florida went to IGgy, upset that the liquid in the skull (literally just water) didn’t turn him into a skeleton. IGgy told Florida to headbutt a wall, cause that’s how it’s done but didn’t expect him to actually do it. Well, he did do it. And that’s how he ended up on the floor. Whoopsie, no roll dem bones for Florida Man this year.

#7 roll dem bones 3
An unspecified number of skeletons enter. And that same number leaves because this is just a good time.

Vacation Skeleton[/spoiler] vs. IGgy vs. Bone Idol vs. Skullistair vs. Susan Barkeep vs. Sans Undertale vs. King Skeleton vs. [spoiler]Isabel Ibarra but a skeleton

Susan eliminates Skullsitair in 7:09 via pinfall after Michinoku Driver
Isabel eliminates Bone Idol in 22:39 via submission with a Hijack Backbreaker
Isabel eliminates Sans in 23:06 via submission with a Hijack Backbreaker
Isabel eliminates IGgy in 23:35 via submission with a Hijack Backbreaker
Vacation Skeleton eliminates King Skeleton in 25:39 via submission with a Crossface
Isabel eliminates Susan in 30:46 via submission with a Hijack Backbreaker
Vacation Skeleton eliminates Isabel in 61:52 via DQ by pretending she said something mean… the perfect ending to this hour long match.
First of all: Big props to Skullistair for putting over the nice lady from the bar instead of doing a million Canadian Destroyers but you really gotta start doing all these Destroyer variations I gave you, damn it! Second of all: Just look at the timestamps between that final and second to last elimination. That’s over 30 in-game minutes. 15 minutes in real time. What the fuck even! I’d understand it if I worked my magic to ensure a finish via a signature or finishing move but there’s a good reason I never do that for these big multi-person clusterfucks. Isabel and Vacation Skeleton duked it out for over 30 minutes at the end so the ending being a bullshit finish is all the better. Finally: The Pokeymanz title does change hands here as the rules for it are different than that of any other title. So Vacation Skeleton is the new Pokeymanz champ. Good thing we don’t acknowledge this title, which is why we mention it all the time.

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Boob has been in the conversation in the past but never quite made it. Now he’s here to show what the biggest chest in the business can do.
Boob Marley vs. Harmony Gray ©

Harmony defeats Boob Marley in 22:32 via submission with The Arachnid’s Grip
I said this before the match but it’s almost surprising that this isn’t Boob’s first challenge. I completely overlooked when he faced Flamander. It’s clear at this point that he can compete at the top, but he’s yet to actually prove that he can stay there. Whereas Boob used like seven sunken Chest it only took one well-placed Arachnid’s Grip for Harmony to take the win.

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, our wrestling federation, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s today’s matches:
#1 Dicky P vs. Grace Thoruson
#2 Arcade Legend ASS vs. Flash Hammer
#3 Vacation Skeleton vs. Blaze Rider
#4 Caveman Connection vs. Real Beer Float
#5 Suzan Blades vs. Rick Wreckage
#6 Freddie Hope vs. Isabel Ibarra
#7 Cock Thunder vs. Angus McMutton

[IGgy]

Week 117:Angus Must Die - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 117: Angus Must Die
Normal show at our normal time. And it’s got a card too! Whether you’d say that’s normal or not is up to you.

#1 Singles Match
Grace has to start from square one, I guess, so she gets to murder.
Dicky P vs. Grace Thoruson

Grace Thoruson defeats Dicky P in 14:31 via pinfall after a Triple Fisherman Suplex combo
No one expected Dicky P to last as long as he did. We don’t know if this was due to any amount of grit or Grace just playing around with him. But she did in fact get all her shit in and then decided to not stop (again) after the match had ended.

#2 Singles Match
Hey, Flash Hammer is basically a video game-ish character, right?
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Flash Hammer

Arcade Legend ASS defeats Flash Hammer in 28:27 via pinfall after a Snapmare Driver
I joked about it during the match but they did in fact have the undercard match that stole the show and if I ever got around to implementing the OHPW bingo somehow this would have allowed you to mark that square. They went hard too, you could almost think they have a grudge or something but nah. They just both decided to go for broke that day. ASS barely wins here.

#3 Singles Match
I always wanted to have that match for no reason in particular. Now I’m finally booking it.
Vacation Skeleton (x) vs. Blaze Rider

Vacation Skeleton defeats Blaze Rider in 17:16 via submission with a Ricpord Crossface on the outside
I wish VS would have won being pretending Blaze said something mean here like they did last week with Isabel but alas. Instead there was an actual wrestling move involved. And it happened on the outside too. Due to the Pokeymanz Cvrse this was a Falls Count Anywhere match after all.

#4 Tag Team Match
They have faced before and RBF came out on top. But that was then, this is now.
Caveman Connection vs. Real Beer Float

Caveman Connection defeat Real Beer Float in 15:38 via submission when Arggah locks the Mandible Claw on Sgt. Sprinklez
This was a weird one. I mean, the match went as normal as it could get. But perhaps due to the nature of the move that ended the match no one ever attempted to make a save in this match. In any case. CC ran it back successfully. Against RBF they are now 1:1. We’ll have a tie breaker in maybe a couple of months unintentionally because I’ll forget about it.

#5 Singles Match
I heard Rick is starting to get into singles stuff too. Let’s show him what it’s all about.
Suzan Blades vs. Rick Wreckage

Suzan Blades defeats Rick Wreckage in 23:41 via pinfall after an Argentine Powerbomb
There were moments in this match when I truly believed that Rick had a chance to take this. It must have been a combination of Doc Mutant being there and him actually doing really well

#6 Singles Match
Freddie personally requested to face Isabel. Must have made an impression. Or he wants to piss off NYG, I dunno.
Freddie Hope vs. Isabel Ibarra

Freddie Hope defeats Isabel Ibarra in 19:32 via pinfall after a Deadlift German Suplex
Woah, what the hell? A bit into the match NYG shows up. Both Freddie and Isabel fight back against him until he decides to leave again. The match continues. Isabel refused to go down even after being hit with the Last Hope. Freddie kept on the pressure after that and won with a Deadlift German Suplex shortly afterwards but Isabel more than proved that she got what it takes to hang with the greats.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Thunder won his last two matches! Well, Angus won his last 14. Good luck. What more can we do?
Cock Thunder vs. Angus McMutton ©

Angus defeats Thunder in 16:05 via pinfall after the Tru Bru
Oh boy, this was gonna be the short and explosive match where Angus hits the Tru Bru after a few minutes for the win but Thunder said no to that. “I’ma throw you around a bit first.” Thunder nearly got Angus at some point but Angus would not be on the hottest run ever if that’s what got him down. After another Tru Bru Angus takes the win, retains the title and surpasses Grace’s previous record for longest winning streak.

[IGgy]

Week 118: VACANT Must Die - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 118: VACANT Must Die

#1 Singles Match
Finally they clash 1 on 1. Winner graduates from jobberdom. Maybe there’s chance for an ass-based team still.
Suman vs. Great Maharaja

Great Maharaja defeats Suman in 15:37 via pinfall after a Lifting Choke Bomb
For the first time in their lives they had a competitive match. That’s not true. We call them jobbers but it’s not like they haven’t held their own before. But they really had their back and forth here. First Suman no-sold everything Maharaja did but that exhausted him and he got gassed out. As the match went on the roles were reversed until finally Suman was not able to kick out of Maharaja’s Lifting Choke Bomb

#2 Singles Match
Florida Man challenges wrestling wiki. Gets hit with obscure trivia.
Florida Man vs. Manic Misanthrope

Florida Man defeats Manic in 13:18 via pinfall after the Dick Drivah
Woah, I think I called it before the match when I said Florida Man was too dumb for Manic’s obscure trivia to have any effect. Then again, I don’t think Manic even did the Obscure Trivia Suplex. The must funny thing is that I was trying to bury Florida Man’s finisher as he was doing it and won with it.

#3 Singles Match
My logic for booking this is that they both wear blue
Sapp Ledesma vs. Danny V5

Danny V5 defeats Sapp Ledesma in 13:45 via Pinfall with a Reincarnation (Satellite Headscissors Roll-Up)
This match did not feel as short as it was. It could have gone either way until the end. There were a lot of strikes from both sides, mostly kicks. Where they differed was everything else they did. Danny focused on agility and technique while Sapp focused on strength and on that day it just turns out that Danny was able to come out on top with a little finesse. I have a feeling that next time could be different, though.

#4 Tag Team Match
Which 2-4 members of each team will partake? I dunno, we’ll see.
The Fun Gang (x) vs. Criminal Sanity

Criminal Sanity defeats The Fung Gang in 20:21 when Mr. Shakedown submits Skullistair with the Wallet Squeeze
God damn it, Fun Gang! Everyone from your team in this match does Canadian Destroyers and yet we didn’t really see a satisfactory amount of them. The match concluded when Skullistair, who’d ben active in this match a lot, faced Mr. Shakedown who barely saw any action so far and the Wallet Squeeze was locked in.

#5 Singles Match
Stop! He’s got a family!
Tara Milleneon vs. Family Man

Tara defeats Family Man in 13:34 via Submission with a Modified Single Leg Boston Crab (That Move Grace Keeps Winning With (TMGKWW)
Oh shit. Tara showed no Mercy whatsoever. Hitting hard from the very start. Family Man made a brief comeback when unlocking Shin Family Man. But at that point it was already too late. She locked in That Move Grace Keeps Winning With ™ and submitted Shin Family Man

#6 Singles Match
This is actually the third time they wrestle. Kayu is two down. But their last singles encounter was almost two years ago…
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Undeddie Guerrero

Kayu eliminates Undeddie in 13:39 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash
After some back and forth in this match Undeddie took control. Even hitting the Frog Splash multiple times. After the third or so Kayu just kind of awakened and decided she was gonna win. Got up immediately and hit all kinds of violence on Undeddie until finally hitting her own Splash. However it’s not a Frog Splash it’s a Magical Girl Splash for the three-count.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
I think maybe with someone like Ricc in the match we can dethrone VACANT.
Pine Appel vs. Plumeria vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Sexton Blud vs. Nawt A Robutt vs. Steve Dirt vs. VACANT ©

Sexton Blud eliminates Plumeria in 6:44 via Knockout with the Jackhammer Rolling Pin
Steve Dirt eliminates Lea Lionheart in 12:12 via Pinfall after the Blood’n’Gutbuster
VACANT eliminates Pine Appel in 13:08 via Submission with a Fujiwara Armbar
VACANT eliminates Steve Dirt in 18:25 vis Pinfall after an Izuna Drop
Ricc 2 Thicc eliminates Nawt A Robutt in 21:09 via Pinfall with a Thicctory Roll-Up
VACANT eliminates Ricc 2 Thicc in 23:50 via Pinfall with Croyt’s Wrath
VACANT eliminates Sexton Blud in 25:43 via Pinfall with Croyt’s Wrath
As you can see, tragically, we were not able to kill VACANT. Perhaps things would have been different if Sexton had started bleeding… but alas…

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, our wrestling federation, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s today’s matches:
#1 Great Maharaja vs. Grace Thoruson
#2 Not Your God vs. Midas Minoson
#3 Koji Kojinaka vs. Guzma
#4 Criminal Sanity vs. Team Skull
#5 Kayu Zakisaka vs. Freddie Hope
#6 Fomore vs. Pantha
#7 Caveman Connection vs. Kelsey and Maya © for the Legion Tag Titles

[IGgy]

Week 119: Kelsey and Maya Must Die - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 119: Kelsey and Maya must Die

#1 Singles Match
Both of their names start in G. And one of them is a bear.
Great Maharaja vs. Grace Thoruson

Grace defeats Maharaja in 17:08 via Submission with that one move Grace keeps winning with (Modified Single Leg Boston Crab)
I can’t believe it took Grace this long to take out a bear but I think this might have been on her bucket list so maybe she was just trying to enjoy it as much as possible. Maybe we have to push Maharaja now, I dunno.

Scene: Tara leaves a room makred “Production”. She found a list of people to be in the next Seven Deadly Pins against VACANT and inserts herself into the match by asking IGgy real nice.

#2 Singles Match
Edgy goth boi and a horned chad with a heart of literal gold.
Not Your God vs. Midas Minoson

Midas defeats NYG in 15:49 by Knockout after the explosion triggered after 15 Minutes.
Because that’s right, this was a Barbed Wire Explosion Deathmatch
This was exactly what you’d expect of the two but then they both exploded. Well, Midas got back up from it and NYG didn’t so the match goes to Midas.

#3 Singles Match
The Ace goes against that evil Pokemon dude, holy crap!
Koji Kojinaka vs. Guzma

Guzma defeats Koji in 16:49 via Pinfall after a Rolling Lariat
There’s a pretty high chance that Plumeria’s interference actually cost Koji the match. We won’t know if Guzma tapped or not because the ref was too busy chatting up Plumeria.

#4 Legion Tag Team No. 1 Contender Match
CS more or less earned this by beating Fun Gang. But the Grunts are the gods of this shit.
Criminal Sanity vs. Team Skull (Grunts)

Criminal Sanity defeat the Grunts in 26:46 via Pinfall after EGO hit Super Ego Flying High on Blue
A really good tag match all things considered. The Grunts had it under control for most of the match until they abandoned their plan of keeping it in their corner for no good reason and just went around and did a couple of moves and then were overpowered.

Scene: Tara approaches Spitbal, who according to her list is in the Seven Deadly Pins match next week. She’s trying to form an alliance, and in fact has already convinced some others. Spitbal agrees as well.

#5 Darkweight Title No. Contender Match
I’m honestly not sure who the underdog is here. But Angus’ reign needs to end.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Freddie Hope

Kayu defeats Freddie in 7:05 via Pinfall with the Mahou Magical Splash.
Real fast paced match here. Both went hard out the gate, near falls here and there, going into murder mode, both of them, but Kayu was able to stay on top and gets to face Angus next week.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Last time they it was for the title. Fomore came out on top there but that was nearly two years ago…
Fomore vs. Pantha

Fomore defeats Pantha in 26:42 via Submission with Key Lock Armbar
Opposed to the previous match took its time to ramp up. They’ve faced each other before maybe they knew it’d be better to pace themselves, I don’t know. Both of them brought their heavy hitters, though for some reason Fomore never pinned after the Vertebreaker/Kudome Valentine/Kudo Driver/Copkilla/ACAB/Din’s Fire/Cop Caller/Reverse Gory Special Driver. Wow that mvoe has many names.

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Well damn. Kelsey and Maya are still champs. This is kinda nuts. This is their fifth defense. Let’s see what the Cavemen can do about it.
Caveman Connection vs. Kelsey and Maya

Kelsey and Maya win in 52:33 via Submission when Kelsey locks a Calf Crusher on Ungaah
This match was cursed and I don’t wanna talk about it, just look at how long this is, holy fuck. Maybe I could salvage this with editing but I don’t want to. Kelsey and Maya should have lost this for their refusal to tag alone.

Scene: Tara, still on her quest to rally as many people against VACANT as possible, tries to get Malfest Goat-Monster on her side. Needless to say it doesn’t work, MGMon beats up Tara in the Goat-Dimension. It was worth a shot I guess.

[IGgy]

Week 120: ALL CHAMPIONS MUST DIE
regular time, regular place. Everybody dies!

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Seven deadly pins, Seven falls to win, Seven paths to hell, And your trip begins
??? vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. ??? vs. VACANT ©

#2 Tag Team Match
What’s the clown’s deal?
Steve Dirt and Family Man vs. Wizards Not Allowed

#3 Singles Match
I’ll take any excuse to see Palpy eat shit!
Palpatine vs. Pig Destroyer

#4 Four Way (First Fall)
Oof. I accidentally booked Dash. I’m trying to remove it, I’m sorry!
Vacation Skeleton (x) vs. Suzan Blades vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dashosphere

#5 Singles Match
Freddie continues his proud tradition of not fighting NYG. But Isabel wants a go after their last meeting.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Not Your God

#6 Legion Tag Championships
I hope this does not take almost an hour.
Criminal Sanity vs. Kelsey and Maya

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Neither of these are strangers to being on the bottom. But they both overcame that.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Angus McMutton ©

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
So they meet again, but on different sides of the challenger/defender dynamic
Fomore vs. Harmony Gray ©

[IGgy]

Week 120: ALL CHAMPIONS MUST DIE - (Twitch VOD)

@"Match Card and Results

Week 120: ALL CHAMPIONS MUST DIE
regular time, regular place. Everybody dies!

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Seven deadly pins, Seven falls to win, Seven paths to hell, And your trip begins

Tara Milleneon vs. Surfborg vs. Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Sapp Ledesma vs. F.O.E. vs. Spitbal vs. Majin Bob Sapp vs. VACANT ©

[spoiler]VACANT eliminates Surfburg in 18:50 via submission with a Bow and Arrow Hold
VACANT eliminates Tara in 21:33 via submission with a Bow and Arrow Hold
Bob Sapp eliminates F.O.E. in 26:54 via submission with the Skull End
VACANT eliminates Sapp Ledesma in 28:25 via pinfall after an Izuna Drop
Bob Sapp eliminates Goat_monster in 30:24 via submission with the Skull End
VACANT eliminates Spitbal in 32:31 via submission with a Hanging Front Neck Choke
Bob Sapp eliminates VACANT in 36:06 via Pinfall after The Punch

It seems like Tara could recruit Sapp, Spitbal and Bob Sapp. Though I think whe was not actually able to talk to Bob Sapp because I didn’t actually put him in my draft. But maybe she guessed it, I dunno. Well, in any case. As you can see here VACANT and Bob Sapp are the only ones to eliminate people. And although VACANT was sent flying with a punch and pinned at the end, he still got more eliminations. But it’s true, VACANT is finally dethroned[/spoiler]

#2 Tag Team Match
What’s the clown’s deal?
Steve Dirt and Family Man vs. Wizards Not Allowed

Steve and Family Man defeat WNA when Family Man pins Chief Engineer in 23:05 by Trying His Best
This is the quintessential Family Man match. He simply tried his best and won the match with it. At the start of the match Steve was nearly pinned for a three-count after George Cluwney flipped out backwards. That’s just what I’m gonna call this move, I guess. But it all came up Milhouse for the Steve and Family Man

#3 Singles Match
I’ll take any excuse to see Palpy eat shit!
Palpatine vs. Pig Destroyer

Palpatine defeats Pig Destroyer in 19:16 via Pinfall with the Imperial Power Bomb.
A dark day, really. I thought Pig Destroyer had this for sure, that’s why I booked it. I just wanted Palpy to eat shit. But alas, Palpy showed that he’s not simply a joke. After all we need to remember that he used to be the longest reigning Bunny Champ in both LPFWA and OHPW. Although that was arguably accomplished via quetionable means.

#4 Four Way (First Fall)
Oof. I accidentally booked Dash. I’m trying to remove it, I’m sorry!
Vacation Skeleton (x) vs. Suzan Blades vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Dashosphere

Vacation Skeleton wins in 7:57 via DQ by convincing the ref ASS said something really mean. Which she did not!
This looked like it was gonna be one of those matches where they pair up forever. But then Vacation Skeleton threw a mic in ASS’ hand and screamed bloody murder. Somehow this convinced the referee to DQ her, awarding VS the match.

#5 Singles Match
Freddie continues his proud tradition of not fighting NYG. But Isabel wants a go after their last meeting.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Not Your God

Isabel defeats. Not Your God in 26:22 via pinfall after a Reverse Firebird Splash
Isabel had to really fight for this one, this being the longest match on the show. Her arms looked worse for wear at the end. Probably why she wasn’t able to do her Schoolboy Powerbomb and instead elected to go for some flippy shit to wrap it up.

#6 Legion Tag Championships
I hope this does not take almost an hour.
Criminal Sanity vs. Kelsey and Maya

Kelsey and Maya defeat Criminal Sanity in 15:41 when Kelsey pins Mr. Shakedown after Prey Slaughtered
I didn’t expect this match to end this “quickly”. Under normal circumstances tag matches last longer than singles matche (in Fire Pro at least) but aside from the match with the bullshit finish this ended up being the shortest on the card. Prey Slaughtered is a devastating move but not even EGO must have expected that it would end like this as they didn’t come for the save. But I suppose Mr. Shakedown going to the outside with Kelsey moments before did more damage to him than expected.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Neither of these are strangers to being on the bottom. But they both overcame that.
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Angus McMutton ©

Angus McMutton defeats Kayu in 18:30 via pinfall after the Tru Bru.
Oh god, this match. Angus takes control but Kayu makes a comeback. We all believe in Kayu, maybe a miracle will happen! I guess Angus believes it too because he does something he hasn’t done before: An Ushigoroshi followed by the Tru Bru for the win. Throwing both of his most devastating moves at Kayu shows how much he was driven in a corner.

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
So they meet again, but on different sides of the challenger/defender dynamic
Fomore vs. Harmony Gray ©

Fomore defeats Harmony in 22:44 via submission with the Qutting Your Job For The Love Of The Art Clutch
They start it nice and slow. Some strikes, couple of holds… for about 10 minutes. Then suddenly they start tearing shit up. Harmony hits three consecutive powerbombs on Fomore, who in turn hits a few Crucifix Powerbombs. And then Fomore hits the Vertebreaker on Harmony, although on the outside. When the match goes back inside they continue at full speed until Fomore locks in the QYJFTLOTAC and Harmony has to tap out.