OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

[IGgy]

Week 104: HELLFIRE 2021

All right! Let’s go!

It’s time to settle the rest of our brackets. Check them out!

Additionally, we got some other stuff too. We’ll also be remembering Mr. Shakedown, Hiroya Egashira. The full card is below.

#1 SAPP TIME! Open Challenge
Majin Bob Sapp vs. ???

#2 Hellfire Tournament Block A Quarter Finals
Hellranger Flamander vs. Black

#3 Hellfire Tournament Block B Quarter Finals
Cock Thunder vs. Grace Thoruson

#4 Hellfire Tournament Block A Quarter Finals
Angus McMutton vs. Dash Rendar

#5 Hellfire Tournament Block B Quarter Finals
Isabel Ibarra vs. Not Your God

#6 Some shitshow???
This time I actually don’t know yet. Hope no one gets shot.

#7 Hellfire Tournament Block A Semi Finals
Winner of #2 vs. Winner of #4

#8 Hellfire Tournament Block B Semi Finals
Winner of #3 vs. Winner of #5

#9 Mr. Shakedown Memorial Bout
He wanted to become the strongest being in the universe. But he got shot by Turo Yano and lied bleeding for 15 Minutes. We honor Hiroya Egashira in this match. Participants are not announced due to their availability not being known at the time of this writing.

#10 Hellfire Tournament Finals
Winner of #7 vs. Winner of #8

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Today it’s the final night of the Hellfire Tournament

#1 SAPP TIME!
#2 Hellranger Flamander vs. Black
#3 Cock Thunder vs. Grace Thoruson
#4 Angus McMutton vs. Dash Rendar
#5 Isabel Ibarra vs. Not Your God
#6 Some Tag Match
#7 Semifinals 1 (Winner of 2 vs. Winner of 4)
#8 Semifinals 2 (Winner of 3 vs. Winner of 5)
#9 Mr. Shakedown Memorial Battle Royal
#10 Finals

[IGgy]

Week 104: HELLFIRE 2021 - (Twitch VOD)

Don’t worry, no one died this time.

@Match Card and Results

Week 104: HELLFIRE 2021

All right! Let’s go!

It’s time to settle the rest of our brackets. Check them out!
[timg]https://i.imgur.com/IoQ99Uv.jpg[/timg]

Additionally, we got some other stuff too. We’ll also be remembering Mr. Shakedown, Hiroya Egashira. The full card is below.

#1 SAPP TIME! Open Challenge
Majin Bob Sapp vs. Yup, it’s VACANT

Woah, I thought this’d be VACANT’s match for sure, because to break kayfabe, opposed to VACANT Bob Sapp is not intentionally overpowered just slightly above average. But this went for over 30 minutes and Sapp managed to take the win.

#2 Hellfire Tournament Block A Quarter Finals
Hellranger Flamander vs. Black

Oh shit! Black just didn’t let Flamander do much of anything and beat him in a relatively short match. The champ doesn’t even make it to the finals now!

#3 Hellfire Tournament Block B Quarter Finals
Cock Thunder vs. Grace Thoruson

That was some slamfest. I really rooted for Thunder there and he didn’t lose for a lack of trying. But Grace didn’t win last year’s tournament for nothing.

#4 Hellfire Tournament Block A Quarter Finals
Angus McMutton vs. Dash Rendar

Mercifully, Angus won. He moves on to face Black in the semi finals.

#5 Hellfire Tournament Block B Quarter Finals
Isabel Ibarra vs. Not Your God

That was hard to watch. Isabel just didn’t get to do much. It was very one sided. NYG did what he does and took it, advancing to the semi finals where he will face Grace

#6 Some shitshow???
This time I actually don’t know yet. Hope no one gets shot.

Muscle Magic Pokemon of the Wasteland[/spoiler] vs. [spoiler]Flaming Food Clowns of the Star Wars EU

No one got shot- But predictably, this match was just chaos. One half of eight teams were in this match and to make things weirder, Mina and Palpy were on the same team. I really should have put Haz Matt and Chief Engineer on the same team to see what happens. Ah well. Plumeria got the win for the Muscle Magic Pokemon of the Wasteland

#7 Hellfire Tournament Block A Semi Finals

Black, who defeated Flamander[/spoiler] vs. [spoiler]Angus, who defeated Dash

Ooooh, fuck! Where Black made short work of Flamander Angus did the same to Black. Angus, for the first time after his loss when OHPW had just started, makes it to the finals!

#8 Hellfire Tournament Block B Semi Finals

Grace Thoruson, who defeated Thunder[/spoiler] vs. [spoiler]Not Your God, who defeated Isabel Ibarra

It looked like NYG controlled most of the match but in between his unrelenting submission fuckery Grace managed to get in several good ones. It came as a surprise to some that Grace won, with a Triple Fisherman Suplex no less, but that is in fact one of her specialties.

#9 Mr. Shakedown Memorial Bout
He wanted to become the strongest being in the universe. But he got shot by Turo Yano and lied bleeding for 15 Minutes. We honor Hiroya Egashira in this match. Participants are not announced due to their availability not being known at the time of this writing.

Okay, so basically this was the three remaining Mr. Shakedowns and the three remaining members of Ciminal Sanity AND ALSO FUCKING TORU YANO THAT PIECE OF SHIT! All in one timed Battle Royal. Yano entered last but as soon as he was there he started shooting people. It took some time but Yano actually wins this one too. This is the darkest timeline… or is it?

MR SHAKEDOWN RETURNS FROM THE GRAVE TEARS HIS SHEART OFF TO REVEAL AN I LIVED BITCH TATTOO ON HIS BACK AND DESTROYS TORU YANO

#10 Hellfire Tournament Finals

Angus McMutton[/spoiler] vs. [spoiler]Grace Thoruson

This one’s a rematch, basically. And it was probably better than their first. Maybe the fact that Grace didn’t try to brain herself on Angus’ head contributed, then again, Angus does his headbutts regardless so maybe it was something else. This was a fight and Angus emerged victorious once more. Denying Grace consecutive wins.

Below we got the final standings in bracket form, gaze upon them, if you like

[IGgy]

Week 105: Let’s Explode Again

Oh boy, we just wrapped that tournament. But did you know we have an entire other half of the roster too? Well damn, here’s some of that.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Two old people doing old people stuff
Agnes Paragon vs. Palpatine

#2 Singles Match
A real hero wouldn’t beat up a homeless person.
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Super Samio

#3 Singles Match
This match is like a car crash. But the Car Crash is also Rick’s Finisher
Rick Wreckage vs. Midas Minoson

#4 Tag Team Match
The Grunts are back! And they’ll eat some muscle magic!
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam

#5 Singles Match
Gorefest Shmorefest, let’s have a “normal” match
Maya Northwind vs. Kelsey Slaughter

#6 Singles Match
You just know these two buffoons fly around a lot.
Danny V5 vs. Cock Lightning

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Haven’t had one of these in a good while so this should be fun.
Florida Man vs. Suman vs. Great Maharaja vs. Harley Havik vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Flash Hammer vs. Dr. Mutant vs. Mina Park ©

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, our wrestling federation, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s today’s matches:
#1 Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Palpatine for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Hobo One Kevodki vs. Super Samio
#3 Rick Wreckage vs. Midas Minoson
#4 Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam
#5 Maya Northwind vs. Kelsey Laughter
#6 Danny V5 vs. Cock Lightning
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Mina Park ©

[IGgy]

Week 105: Let’s Explode Again - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 105: Let’s Explode Again

Oh boy, we just wrapped that tournament. But did you know we have an entire other half of the roster too? Well damn, here’s some of that.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Two old people doing old people stuff
Agnes Paragon vs. Palpatine

It’s the carnage we came to expect and love from this type of match. In the end, of course, the ring exploded. However, Palpy has enough juice left to get up. Depriving us of the Explosion-Chan victory that we all sought.

#2 Singles Match
A real hero wouldn’t beat up a homeless person.
Hobo One Kevodki vs. Super Samio

The hell? It’s not like Samio didn’t get any offense in. But this still was a pretty quick match at the 12:23 minutes it took Hobo to win.

Scene: Thunder steps in front of the old promo wall and expresses his dissatisfaction with the way he made it to the quarterfinals in the Hellfire Tournament. He wants to face Suzan again to settle things and chooses AT DOOM’S GATE as the venue for their meeting.

#3 Singles Match
This match is like a car crash. But the Car Crash is also Rick’s Finisher
Rick Wreckage vs. Midas Minoson

The hell? It’s not like Rick didn’t get any offense in. But this still was a pretty quick match at the 12:18 minutes it took Midas to win.

#4 Tag Team Match
The Grunts are back! And they’ll eat some muscle magic!
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam

This two went surprisingly fast, but not THAT fast. It was mainly cut short due to Sadim cutting off Blue as Muscle Wizard continued to work over Pink.

#5 Singles Match
Gorefest Shmorefest, let’s have a “normal” match
Maya Northwind vs. Kelsey Slaughter

The hell? It’s not like Kelsey didn’t get any offense in. But this still was a pretty quick match at the 11:48 minutes it took Maya to win.

#6 Singles Match
You just know these two buffoons fly around a lot.
Danny V5 vs. Cock Lightning

At last, a singles match that is a little harder fought. Lightning proved that he can handle himself in singles matches. Being undefeated for his first three. While Danny keeps impressing with his explosive bursts of offense that really should power him out but they don’t. In this specific match, however, Lightning did not strike instead Danny successfully hit the V5 for the win.

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Haven’t had one of these in a good while so this should be fun.
Florida Man vs. Suman vs. Great Maharaja vs. Harley Havik vs. Hayley Simmons vs. Flash Hammer vs. Dr. Mutant vs. Mina Park ©

Oh crap. It’s been a while since we had one of those and boy was it worth the wait. This had it all. Action, drama, romance [citation needed] as well as Mina throwing everyone outside the ring right after one another before joining the fray on the outside herself. Probably one of the most deserved defenses we’ve had yet. Mina wins and retains.

[IGgy]

Week 106: Die

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Hayley got sat on so hard she got nocked out so here we are.
Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Hayley Simmons

#2 Singles Match
Guess we’ll finally hear Josef’s new theme.
Anna May vs. Josef Dub

#3 Singles Match
rip dicky p
Richardson Peterson vs. Mr. Shakedown

#4 Three-Way
Player, game and the blood.
Steve Dirt vs. Guzma vs. Arcade Legend ASS

#5 Singles Match
Pretty sure Tara’s no cop. So if she loses it’s actually because Pig Destroyers finisher is a Reverse Hanging Piledriver that sometimes escalates to the Gory Special Piledriver, sometimes known as the Copkilla, and heads are the weak points of most humans.
Tara Milleneon vs. Pig Destroyer

#6 Singles Match
Aint no Dracula.
Fomore vs. Koji Kojinaka

#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
This is Danny’s second chance to win the Darkweight Title and he’s only up against the person who’s currently the top ranked wrestler in OHPW due to winning the Tournament. Let’s see how far Angus can elevate this title… or Danny V5
Danny V5 vs. Angus McMutton ©

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, our wrestling federation, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s today’s matches:
#1 Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Hayley Simmons for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Anna May vs. Josef Dub
#3 Dicky P vs. Mr. Shakedown
#4 Steve Dirt vs. Guzma vs. Arcade Legend ASS
#5 Tara Milleneon vs. Pig Detroyer
#6 Fomore vs. Koji Kojinaka
#7 Danny V5 vs. Angus McMutton © for the Darkweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 106: Die - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 106: Die

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Hayley got sat on so hard she got nocked out so here we are.
Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Hayley Simmons

The age and size difference was on Hayleys side. Agnes did her hardest to make this match as boring as possible to draw in the 50+ demo. Hayley, realizing that she has limited options in the ring to remedy that she had to end this as quickly as possible and did.

#2 Singles Match
Guess we’ll finally hear Josef’s new theme.
Anna May vs. Josef Dub

This match was just rude. I mean, it was what you’d expect until a certain point. Josef STEALS the crunchyroll and defeats Anna May with it. I mean, him stealing Palpy’s theme is one thing that I welcome wholeheartedly, but actually beating someone with their own finisher is low. And knowing Josef he’ll try to keep it.

#3 Singles Match
rip dicky p
Richardson Peterson vs. Mr. Shakedown

We all hoped Dicky P would go down within minutes and technically he did. But the amount of minutes was much higher than anticipated. Most of that is owed to Mr. Shakedown toying with him for extended periods before putting an end to the beatdown.

#4 Three-Way
Player, game and the blood.
Steve Dirt vs. Guzma vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.

I’m afraid this might become a recurring theme but Duckbaby won retaining the accursed Pokeymanz title that does hell knows what to his innocent soul. This is like way back in the early oughts when the Pokemon craze reached full force only this time it’s something to actually worry about.

#5 Singles Match
Pretty sure Tara’s no cop. So if she loses it’s actually because Pig Destroyers finisher is a Reverse Hanging Piledriver that sometimes escalates to the Gory Special Piledriver, sometimes known as the Copkilla, and heads are the weak points of most humans.
Tara Milleneon vs. Pig Destroyer

This match was short but intense. Pig Destroyer slapped the shit out of Tara but that only made Tara angrier and thus stronger, allowing her to eventually win with Fuck Time and Fuck You Too!

#6 Singles Match
Aint no Dracula.
Fomore vs. Koji Kojinaka

This was a battle of technical masterminds. But only one of them knows the art of offering a handshake and transitioning into an armbar from there. And that is why Fomore won.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
This is Danny’s second chance to win the Darkweight Title and he’s only up against the person who’s currently the top ranked wrestler in OHPW due to winning the Tournament. Let’s see how far Angus can elevate this title… or Danny V5
Danny V5 vs. Angus McMutton ©

Where as Danny usually burns bright but quick, in these big matches he shows how hungry he truly is and wrestles in a way only someone who’s still young enough to have infinite energy can. However, Angus’ experience and hard head still won in the end. But this battle was much harder fought than anyone hoped for.

[IGgy]

Week 107: Look at this team! We’re gonna do great!

Waoh, just one week till the PPV, but look at this card, though.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
In your head, in your head, they are fighting… with their slams, and their drivers and their… oh wait, one of them isn’t even a zombie yet.
Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Undeddie Guerrero

#2 Singles Match
Two nice ladies and both of them like to fly. This can only go well.
Lea Lionheart vs. Blaze Rider

#3 Tag Team Match
It’s the Bloodtober Gorefest peeps! (Also Family Man)
Steve Dirt & Family Man vs. Kelsey & Maya

#4 Singles Match
Destroyers and spinny Brainbusters, we got it all in this one match.
Skullistiar vs. Nawt A Robutt

#5 Singles Match
We’re bringing you that Joshi vs. Exotico action!
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Bone Idol

#6 Singles Match
Could it be? That Ricc is truly too thicc for NYG?
Not Your God vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

#7 Legion Tag Championships
PP are now four time champs. That’s impressive. SoS only held the titles two times.
School of Slam vs. Pineapple Pizza ©

[IGgy]

Week 107: BOOM BOOM - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 107: Look at this team! We’re gonna do great!

Waoh, just one week till the PPV, but look at this card, though.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
In your head, in your head, they are fighting… with their slams, and their drivers and their… oh wait, one of them isn’t even a zombie yet.
Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Undeddie Guerrero

Agnes tried really hard to keep this match slow and unexciting but she did not expect Undeddie’s determination. Then the ring exploded and… what both of them are still standing and fighting! Undeddie must have sparked something in Agnes. However, after a few more minutes Undeddie locks in the Lasso from El Paso and Agnes has to submit.

#2 Singles Match
Two nice ladies and both of them like to fly. This can only go well.
Lea Lionheart vs. Blaze Rider

What the hell? This is still barbed wire! Ah well, let’s just roll with it. These two did essentially what they both do best, although with some limitations due to the fact that they can’t climb the corners. However, Explosion-Chan interferes at exactly 15:00 Minutes knocking them both out.

#3 Tag Team Match
It’s the Bloodtober Gorefest peeps! (Also Family Man)
Steve Dirt & Family Man vs. Kelsey & Maya

And again with the barbed wire… Explosion-Chan is throwing some kind of tantrum for some reason and forces the exploding barbed wire and explosion timer on all the matches. Of course, two out of three people in this match are no stranger to this kind of insanity, which is why it’s no surprise that Family Man, the one person not familiar with this, is the one to take the fall, being submitted by Kelsey before the explosion can happen.

#4 Singles Match
Destroyers and spinny Brainbusters, we got it all in this one match.
Skullistair vs. Nawt A Robutt

Yup, still barbed wire explosion town. Opposed to the previous match where the people were exprienced enough to end this quick and avoid the explosion, here they just didn’t care if they blow up. So they did all their moves and shit like in a normal match. And then they exploded.

#5 Singles Match
We’re bringing you that Joshi vs. Exotico action!
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Bone Idol

We are still trying to get Explosion-Chan to stop the madness but she is very upset at something. Kayu and Bone Idol have their fight and it appears Bone Idol has the upper hand mostly, however, Death Match Kayu is bound to reveal herself, given enough time. However, we only have 15 minutes before the explosion. And oh… Bone Tugging Harmony! Kayu submits. Maybe one day Death Match Kayu will return, but not today.

#6 Singles Match
Could it be? That Ricc is truly too thicc for NYG?
Not Your God vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

We have now found Explosion-chan and are trying to reason with her. However, this match will still be Barbend Wire. NYG tries to keep Ricc grounded, however, Ricc is also a ground type, just not submission but power based. This is going back and forth until the ring explodes and Ricc remains standing.

#7 Legion Tag Championships
PP are now four five time champs. That’s impressive. SoS only held the titles two times.
School of Slam vs. Pineapple Pizza ©

We have successfully negotiated with Explosion-chan and she will not be punished for her actions. It was decided that the Jabroni Royale will no longer be held after the coming PPV, and aside from IGgy and Satan, Explosion-Chan was the first to learn. I just didn’t expect SATAN to tell it to her during a show so she can run around with a toast in her mouth that gets more and more charred as she is trying to escape from us while also exploding more people. Ah well. This match can go forward now. SoS and PP having another one. Although, it’s still the longest match on the show by only 9 seconds it still feels like it had an abrupt end when Sadim locked the Humble Maker on Cheese Pietzza to earn them the title another time.

[IGgy]

Week 108: AT DOOM’S GATE -Solid-
PPV Time!

This is the third instalment of At Doom’s Gate. Hence “Solid”.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch FINAL
This is the last time we do this. Who will be the final Jabroni?
Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. ???

#2 Singles Match
Time for Sexton’s final evaluation.
Freddie Hope vs. Sexton Blud

#3 Legion Tag Championships
They are new to being tag partners but they are already here.
Maya and Kelsey vs. School of Slam ©

#4 Singles Match
Actually, these two are facing each other because they are ranked equally.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Danny V5

#5 Seven Deadly Pins
Ah shit. We got four tag teams in this Battle Royal!
Ungaah vs. Arggah vs. Austin Ramon vs. Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Chief Engineer vs. George Cluwney vs. Josef Dub vs. Mina Park ©

#6 Singles Match - No DQ
There’s match to be finished here.
Cock Thunder vs. Suzan Blades

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
It’s been a while since Fomore is in this spot but they sure earned it.
Fomore vs. Angus McMutton ©

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Let us witness these two open Doom’s Gate - Actually, this match closes the show, fuck.
Black vs. Hellranger Flamander ©

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Today it’s a PPV: AT DOOM’S GATE -Solid-

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch Final
#2 Freddie Hope vs. Sexton Blud
#3 Maya and Kelsey vs. School of Slam © for the Legion Tag Titles
#4 Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Danny V5
#5 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Mina Park ©
#6 Cock Thunder vs. Suzan Blades
#7 Fomore vs. Angus McMutton © for the Darkweight Title
#8 Black vs. Hellranger Flamander © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 108: AT DOOM’S GATE -Solid- - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 108: AT DOOM’S GATE -Solid-
PPV Time!

This is the third instalment of At Doom’s Gate. Hence “Solid”.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch FINAL
This is the last time we do this. Who will be the final Jabroni?
Agnes Paragon (“c”) vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Plumeria vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Great Maharaja

Four of the greatest Jabronis we ever had and the one who could never capture the dishonor despite trying many times engage in a battle against each other and time. Time wins. By time I mean Explosion-chan! A fitting end. If you want to know the entire lineage ofthe Jabroni you can see it here

#2 Singles Match
Time for Sexton’s final evaluation.
Freddie Hope vs. Sexton Blud

Kind of shockingly Sexton has this under his control for the most part. So it’s no wonder that the dastardly heel Freddie Hope would resort to evil measures such as using a light tube, which he got DQ’d for. OR, what really happened, is that Sexton used the classic Eddie Guerrero trickery only with a broken light tube instead of a chair and somehow the referee believed it. This isn’t a thing we question anymore.

#3 Legion Tag Championships
They are new to being tag partners but they are already here.
Maya and Kelsey vs. School of Slam ©

This match had all it needed to have to become a classic. But then Kelsey hit her finisher and knocked Sadim out with it. Even though the ensuing pinfall was broken up Sadim could not continue and the match was called in favor of Maya and Kelsey.

#4 Singles Match
Actually, these two are facing each other because they are ranked equally.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Danny V5

I guess this match shows that you can put two people who are equally good on paper in a match and still have a very decisive victory. It’s rare for someone as young as Danny to face someone younger than them, but in this case it happened, and Danny could prove that he is no longer OHPW’s baby. I mean, not like he had to prove anything in the first place. He showed that he can hang with the best but now he showed us that he can also beat up a baby.

#5 Seven Deadly Pins
Ah shit. We got four tag teams in this Battle Royal!
Ungaah vs. Arggah vs. Austin Ramon vs. Sgt. Sprinklez vs. Chief Engineer vs. George Cluwney vs. Josef Dub vs. Mina Park ©

Some unique dynamics going into this one. Generally the teams cooperated with each other for the most part except for Caveman Connection who seemed to go into this with a bit more competitive spirit than the rest, they constantly beat each other up too. When it came down to Ungaah, Arggah and the champ, Mina, it was Ungaah who went first and then Arggah secured the win for himself. Becomming the deadliest pinner.

#6 Singles Match - No DQ
There’s a match to be finished here.
Cock Thunder vs. Suzan Blades

Everyone including myself was hoping for a big hoss off. What we got was them trading blows, with Thunder being in control of the action early on. But then we had a few decisive blows from Suzan. At one point holding Thunder in a Torture Rack for a few seconds before transitioning it into a Tower hack bomb, nearly winning off of that. In the end she hit the Knightfall for the win. Guess the Terminator is back.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
It’s been a while since Fomore was in this spot but they sure earned it.
Fomore vs. Angus McMutton ©

After all of our previous matches, aside from the Jabroni and 7DP, coming out short in some way, this ended up being a hard fought main event level match. Perhaps Fomore could have won this if they weren’t so intent on winning either via submission or via awkard roll back and forth kinda pinfalls. It still took a good time before Angus could finally make Fomore stay down for a three count.

Scene: Before the match starts Flamander begs Black to murder him. He never cared about the title. He glanced from his last match with Black that he is in fact holding something back and wants to fight Black at full power. Theorizes that something awoke due to prolonged exposure to multiple versions of the Pokeymanz and also wonders what Black needs to pay to unleash his cursed form. As Black does not speak we might never learn. Black only responds by showing Flamander some god tier shit.

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Let us witness these two open Doom’s Gate - Actually, this match closes the show, fuck.
Black vs. Hellranger Flamander ©

Before the match Black goes Super Saiyan and Flamander enters Hellranger form. What follows is a match with many big moves that would have ended a regular match in an instant, and a few even bigger moves that made it difficult for for even them to keep going. Much punishment was dealt and it seems Black dealt more because after being thrown down from really high multiple times Flamander finally stays down for a three-count.

[IGgy]

Week 109: Pizza is Justice
This Saturday at the usual time. Check it out.

#1 Blasphemous Contruct
This is an easter celebration. Hail Satan.
F.O.E. vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Skullistair vs. Not Your God

#2 Singles Match
This one’s a money match as far as we know.
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Dicky P

#3 Singles Match
Come to think of it, this one’s an LPFWA reunion in a way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Boob Marley

#4 Tag Team Match
The saga continues. These teams had a friendly rivalry for a while now.
SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float

#5 Singles Match
Can Isabel defeat the concept of slacking off? Tune in to find out.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Vacation Skeleton

#6 Singles Match
Big match for Sexton. Let’s see if his old light tube trick works on someone who’ll crush his brain.
Pantha vs. Sexton Blud

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
EGO vs. Spitbal vs. Haz Matt vs. Dash Rendar vs. Florida Man vs. VACANT vs. Suman. vs. Arggah ©

[IGgy]

Week 109: Pizza is Justice - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 109: Pizza is Justice
This Saturday at the usual time. Check it out.

#1 Blasphemous Contruct
This is an easter celebration. Hail Satan.
F.O.E. vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Skullistair vs. Not Your God

It’s impressive but somehow the final two of this match, Quackenduckboy Jr. and Not Your God, made it outside of the cage and finished the match there. Thankfully KO was one of the win conditions otherwise we’d have us a softlock. But yeah, shockingly the Duckbaby wins again.

#2 Singles Match
This one’s a money match as far as we know.
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Dicky P

Dicky P almost got his signature spots in but was hindered multiple times by these weapons lying around. Surely, if they hadn’t been there Dicky would have valiantly defeated the Goat-Monster. But alas. We got that Chokeslam Powerbomb from MGMon once more and Dicky P stayed the hell down.

#3 Singles Match
Come to think of it, this one’s an LPFWA reunion in a way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Boob Marley

In which DCB does all her cool moves and then Boob wins with the Boobplex. Boob did the Sunken Chest four (4)times.

#4 Tag Team Match
The saga continues. These teams had a friendly rivalry for a while now.
SHA-MO vs. Real Beer Float

Sometimes I love this game. Before the match we mentioned they have a friendly rivalry and pointed out that Thunder and Austin in particular seem to like locking up. And then they did just that. Even when they weren’t legal they were often going at each other. The match also ended in classic Lightning fashion with the old “let’s overextend a little bit” gimmick. This time it paid off. Lighting struck and won the match for SHA-MO by pinning Sgt. Sprinklez.

#5 Singles Match
Can Isabel defeat the concept of slacking off? Tune in to find out.
Isabel Ibarra vs. Vacation Skeleton

This slapped. They did all their sick moves and Isabel did a million of those weird powerbombs that aren’t her finisher. VS went on vacation and did spring break. This was a bit of an upset all things told. Vacation Skeleton secured the win by folding Isabel up with a Rana.

#6 Singles Match
Big match for Sexton. Let’s see if his old light tube trick works on someone who’ll crush his brain.
Pantha vs. Sexton Blud

What the shit? They took their sweet time to end this. For the most part Sexton even fought clean. But in this match we saw why Pantha used to be the Hellweight Champion and she put Sexton down after over 25 minutes

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
EGO vs. Spitbal vs. Haz Matt vs. Dash Rendar vs. Florida Man vs. VACANT vs. Suman. vs. Arggah ©

Probably the Match of the Night. In this match an unlikely hero arose and crusehd Dash Rendar underneath his weight. Suman knocked Dash out and pinned him after a successful Suman Drop. It was a shock to us all when the last two standing were VACANT and Suman. It was not as much of a shock when VACANT won. But had there been another Suman Drop who knows what would have happened?

[IGgy]

Week 110: I skipped a week - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 110: I skipped a week!
Yeah, I skipped a week and now I forgot all the storylines and characters. But the show will be at the usual time.
Even though I forgot how to stream. It’ll be fine. Here’s a card.

#1 Singles Match
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Harley Havik

Very fast and entertaining match with zero lulls. It’s a shame Robo Meltzer didn’t like it but he’s been off lately anyway. DCB takes it in glorious fashion

#2 Singles Match
Palpatine vs. Florida Man

Florida Man learned how to do a Hammerlock at some point and decided to test it out on Palpy. It wasn’t that successful. Palpy hit the Imperial Powerbomb for the win. I think Palpy might be from Florida too.

#3 Tag Team Match
Danny V5 & Bone Idol & Super Samio vs. Kayu Zakisaka & Isabel Ibarra & Blaze Rider

This match was great! Well, there was a part in the middle that soft locked the game and we had to restart it, but it was good again after. Isabel manages to get the pin on Danny V5, thus earning her the dubious honor of being the Pokeymanz champ.

#4 Singles Match
Midas Minoson vs. Tara Milleneon

Slow it way down, brother! The more methodical pace of this match in comparison to the frantic (and sped up one) from the previous match had an interesting effect on this one. It was still an entertaining bout, of course. Midas manages to get the pinfall victory over Tara here. This was Midas’ second singles match this year and the second one that he won!

#5 Singles Match
Harmony Gray vs. Manic Misanthrope

Now we’re getting to the big leagues. These two showed us a competitive match. Until Harmony decided to show why she was our fourth Hellweight Champion and performed a series of hard hitting moves and won via pinfall.

#6 Singles Match
Suzan Blades vs. Dash, ugh.

It started out fine. Then Dash summoned the Husks who did a ton of double team move on Suzan and finally Dash hit the Shadows of the Empire to beat Suzan. Horrible.

#7 Legion Duo Championships
SHA-MO vs. Kelsey and Maya ©

Although there was some tagging in and out the bulk of the match was contested between Thunder and Maya. As was the end, when Thunder overextends, allowing Maya to hit him with a flipping run-up Senton for one time too many. Kelsey and Maya retain!

[IGgy]

Week 111: 1 - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 111: 1
Okay, I’ll be honest thinking of Episode titles is getting harder somehow. But I figured this one is okay.
Oh, right. Show at the usual time.

#1 Singles Match
Austin Ramon vs. Grace Thoruson

Austin and Grace had a nice competitive match until Grace decided “I win now” and hit Austin with six consecutive Suplexes. Although he kicked out of that, he could not recover from that and the match ended in under ten minutes after a Blue Thunder Bomb.

Scene: The Fun Gang as well as Bone Idol and Skullistair are backstage, Vacation Skeleton announces their intent to let one of them join the Fun Gang. Whoever has the more entertaining match tonight will get the spot. Fomore points out that neither of them have a match and Vacation Skeleton lets both join.

#2 Four-Way
Team Skull Grunt Pink vs. Rick Wreckage vs. Hobo One Kevodki vs. Hayley Simmons

In a kind of surprise twist Hayley eliminated everyone for the win. Maybe we need to give her another chance.

#3 Singles Match
Flash Hammer vs. Doctor Mutant

This is the same match as the opener but without the six consecutive suplexes. Although competitive at the start Doctor Mutant, at some point, simply activates and goes for the kill.

#4 Singles Match
Koji Kojinaka vs. Pig Destroyer

After some rather disappointing singles matches so far this one just delivered. I dunno, this somehow went 30 minutes and didn’t get boring. There was a point where they just traded finishers back and forth because why not. After Pig Destroyer hits his fourth of fifth or so Koji finally stays down for a three-count.

Scene: Sexton, no stranger to using his ass for the good of mankind, approaches Suman. Who recently used his ass for the good of mankind, though, possibly inadvertently. Sometimes you just have to sit on Dash after all. However, Sexton is determined to text the conviction of Suman’s ass and challenges him, if he feels that his behind can measure up to the justice of asses.

#5 Tag Team Match
Space Wizards vs. The Fun Gang

This week on “overextending actually secretly is a good idea that makes you win!” Vacation Skeleton doesn’t tag out anymore despite having his ass kicked and somehow gets the win against Jan Itor.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Dash, unfortunately vs. Harmony Gray

Dash fucking does it again! And it’s not like he needs it, but he did summon his Husks once more. They did not get in quite as many heavy hits as they did against Suzan and perhaps because of this Harmony was still able to defeat the evil.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Pantha vs. Angus McMutton ©

Pantha: A wrestler who targets the head to end the match with the Pantha Claw - Angus: A wrestler who has a hard head and uses his head as a weapon to destroy his opponents. You cannot deny that Pantha was successful in dismantling Angus’ head, he could barely stand for a while after fighting out of the Pantha Claw, but he recovered and finished it with the Tru Bru, his devastating headbutt to retain the Darkweight Title.

[IGgy]

Going live and starting OHPW, in about 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Today it’s a PPV: WELCOME TO DIE

#1 Seven Deadly Pins feat. VACANT ©
#2 Mina Park vs. Sapp Ledesma
#3 Team Skull vs. The Fun Gang
#4 Sexton Blud vs. Suman
#5 Anna May vs. NYG
#6 The Fun Gang vs. Kelsey & Maya © for the Legion Tag Titles
#7 Dash Rendar vs. Angus McMutton © for the Darkweight Title
#8 Harmony Gray vs. Black © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 112: WELCOME TO DIE - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 112: WELCOME TO DIE

#1 Seven Deadly Pins
Dicky P vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Steve Dirt vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Agnes Paragon vs. VACANT ©

Dicky P and VACANT start us off and it doesn’t look good for Dicky. Things don’t improve much as this goes on, naturally and he’s the first to be eliminated. A sign of things to come. I was surprised there were people who didn’t realize that VACANT was completely overpowered. But on the other hand, I also figured a match like this where he is in from the start and then other people come in over time would be the best for actually taking him out. Especially with people like Ricc 2 Thicc or Mr. Shakedown who’ve taken down powerful opponents in the past. Finally, it came down to Agnes and VACANT as the final too. And we had hope for Agnes, but hope is not always grounded in logic. VACANT successfully defends the Seven Deadly Pins by beating up a poor, poor old lady.

#2 Singles Match
This one guy is new. Let’s put him against someone known for setting shit on fire and kicking balls.
Mina Park vs. Sapp Ledesma

Fukken Mina. If wrestling was fake she’d probably be punished for this but since it’s real… let’s just take she took multiple of Sapp’s finishers and one time kicked out before the count even started. She was probably just too stupid to feel the pain but eventually her body caught up with her and she stayed down after getting kicked in the head.

#3 Tag Team Match
It’s funny because Team Skull has no skeletons while The Fung Gang has three.
Team Skull vs. The Fun Gang

After wrestling with technical difficulties for a long-ass time that I mercifully cut out of the VOD we begin with this madness. Normal match, right? Looks like Team Skull win by pinning Skullistair… but… what? The match continues? This is elimination now, sure let’s roll with it. The next Fun Gang Member to fall is Nawt a Robutt. Bone Idol and Fomore hold out for a long time but they can’t eliminate a single member of Team Skull. Tragedy strikes and Bone Idol is eliminated, leaving Fomore against the entirety of Team Skull. Then fomore puts Pink in a Figure Four, submitting her. Then taps out Guzma WITH A CROSSFACE, then taps out Plumeria WITH AN ARMBAR* and finally taps out Blue WITH AN ARMBAR! What the hell? It was really cool, though. Even though the match took forever.

#4 Singles Match
Two warriors about to test their asses.
Sexton Blud vs. Suman

You know how the old saying goes? “Damn, that was good, I’m too excited, I hope this next match sucks.” Yeah, it thankfully sucked. Sexton defeats Suman by grabbing his boob

#5 Singles Match
Cou can’t put an anime in an armbar.
Anna May vs. Not Your God vs. F.O.E. vs. Grace Thoruson

Well, we had too people insert themselves into this match. But at least this was decided by the two people actually booked when Anna May hit the Crunchy Roll on NYG and was able to pin him.

#6 Legion Tag Championships
Spoilers: The Fun Gang win by DQ again, thus not winning the title (officially)
The Fun Gang vs. Kelsey & Maya ©

This match was really good. At one point Vacation Skeleton just went nuts and sent everyone on Spring Break and also doing some other stuff while they were at it. Sadly, my prediction of The Fung Gang winning by DQ did not come true, as funny as it would have been for that happening again. Instead, Maya pinned DCB and the team that somehow still doesn’t have a name successfully defend their titles for the second time.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Angus won it from Dash. And I’m not sure Dash wants it back but he can try.
Dash Rendar vs. Angus McMutton

A nice and clean match, to be honest. Even though I banned the Husks from ringside I didn’t expect Dash to not do anything weird. In the end Dash did the correct thing and got headbutted and got pinned by Angus.

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Most of the time, the first defense is against someone significant, to prove that it was not just a fluke.
Suzan, Pantha, Harmony and Grace. Each three defenses or more. The Mount Crushmore of OHPW.
Harmony is the third among them to get a chance to surpass that by becoming the first two-time Hellweight Champion.
I should probably start hyping shit like this up more.
Harmony Gray vs. Black ©

Oh shit, Black hits the Blackout stomps a mudhole into Harmony and walks it dry! Yeah, this is the start of the match. Oh fuck, Harmony doesn’t fight back what the hell? It was so one sided I even thought I messed up my settings. But then Harmony gets the foot back in the door. It was hard work but eventually they are on equal footing again. The Arachnid’s Grip, deadlift powerbombs, several of them and other brutal shit are what it takes for Harmony to put down black with one final deadlift powerbomb after almost exactly 20 minutes. Harmony is the first two-time hellweight champ!

Scene: The other half of Danger Spider, Grace Thoruson, enters the arena and stands face to face in the ring with Harmony. There’s tension in the air until Grace extends her hand to congratulate her friend on an amazing win… followed by Grace dragging Harmony to the ground with an STO and following it with a Koji Clutch. That’s some vile shit right here. Apparently there’s been some friction between the two for a while now that just didn’t manifest itself in OHPW.