Week 92: JUDGEMENT NIGHT II: 666 Midnight Calling
Next Saturday two hours before midnight! (in my timezone at least)
Click this text or the image for a hype video.
#1 Jabroni Royale
Yes, really.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Explosion-Chan
It was hard fought and somehow involved applying pressure to the limbs of a being that isn’t even solid to do it, but ASS finally did it! She’s rid herself of the Jabroni after 13 failed escapes. Same as Plumeria.
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Make no mistake even though these are two teams going against each other it’s still everyone for themselves.
Guzma vs. Plumeria vs. Grunt Blue vs. Grunt Pink vs. EGO vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. A Mimic vs. Mr. Shakedown (c)
Although even at the start the first additional entrant would turn the match in Team Skull’s favor. And it would remain like this for most of the match with Team Skull outnumbering Criminal Sanity. In the end it came down to Pink, Blue and Guzma. Until Blue was gone and then finally Guzma. Pink is the new deadliest pinner!
Scene: VACANT approaches the ring and requests someone come out and murder him. Black rises to the occassion.
#2.5 Singles Match
VACANT vs. Black
With Black having two victories over VACANT already his chances are good. But VACANT has been powered up basically against his will. Still Black manages to take the W here but only after two Blackouts in succession.
#3 Legion Tag Championships
Angus and Mina try to recapture the titles they haven’t held in a very very long time.
The Union vs. Real Beer Float (c)
This match would be fairly even for most of its duration. Kind of like a tug of war where RBF tried to keep it in their corner and Mina and Angus trying to do the opposite. It turned out RBF’s game was stronger this time and they retain the titles.
#4 Yeah, for real, this time!
Dash Rendar vs. Vacation Skeleton
Ah, yes, the Big One. The MAIN EVENT! Wait, this is still the middle of the card. A two year long build for this? What is ths, Brandon Cutler and Peter Avalon on AEW Dark? At least this is on the PPV. Vacation Skeleton is surprisingly serious for most of the match, I guess to sell that they are supposed to be upset for something they don’t remember. Meanwhile Dash is doing Dash things. Constantly denying cool and fun things like Spring Break. This actually upsets VS so much that they go on a double vacation. In the end, though, Dash wins with the Outrider.
#5 Darkweight Championship
This is beef.
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Ricc 2 Thicc (c)
Two giant bricks just ramming into each other. It was only a question of time until one of the bricks stood down and it was going to be Ricc. MGMon is now our now Darkweight Champ.
Scene: Freddie and Flamander are interviewed separately. Freddie makes clear he wants this to be removed from any history they have. Flamander kind of does the same but doesn’t exactly say so.
#6 Class of 2020 Rumble
Everyone who made their OHPW Debut in 2019 (except those elsewhere on the card) and some others too.
Well… Highlights include
Most Eliminations: Spitbal (4)
Longest Time in Rumble: Punching Bag (32:58)
Shortest Time in Rumble: Isabel Ibarra (0:39)
Shockingly, the final entrant, Hayley Simmons, won the match.
#7 Singles Match
Sadim will remove his bracers and Suzan will uh… anyway they are powered up or something.
Suzan Blades vs. Supreme Sadim
A Superhuman Slamfest. There was teleportation. Slightly more extreme vrsions of existing moves. SLAPPING THE FUCK OUT OF EACH OTHER and like three freaking Powerbombs in a row by Suzan to win the match after 25 Minutes.
#8 Bloodtober Gorefest II: Bleed Harder
Blood and Guts
Maya Northwind vs. Rick Wreckage vs. Steve Dirt vs. Kelsey Slaughter
Oh boy, somehow they all ganged up on poor Rick not really giving him a chance to even contend for the Truckload of candy. From here Kelsey was the next to be eliminated bringing it down to Maya and Steve once more. Disappointingly they didn’t really fight on the outside. Worst match ever 7/10. Maya did win again, earning her even more candy. Whatever will she do with it?
#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Neither of these two want this match. But I’m making them have it.
Hellranger Flamander vs. Freddie Hope (c)
Despite the baggage going into it this match was straightforward. A lot of back and forth. Some brawling on the outside. Trading finishers. Finally, though, Flamander hit Freddie with The Snake once more and got the three-count
