OHPW - Business May Die [Fire Pro Wrestling World]

[IGgy]

Week 84: oops i forgot dash vs. vacation skeleton, too bad
ATTENTION: This show will run on Friday instead of Saturday, just fyi.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
GO ASS! (Tanahashi theme starts playing)
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Hobo One Kevodki

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Oooh, Pantha and Flamander in the same match. Not that it matters in a Battle Royal but they have a tied record in singles competition.
Chief Engineer vs. EGO vs. Austin Ramon vs. Kelyey Slaughter vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Pantha vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Flamander ©

#3 Three-Way (Elimination)
I call this the Babbeh Battle because those are our youngest wrestlers all in one ring.
Duckboy vs. Anna May vs. Danny V5

#4 Singles Match
They faced before, but this time it’s not by VACANT’s rules but Freddie’s rules (which is normal singles rules)
VACANT vs. Freddie Hope

#5 Three-Way Landmine Deathmatch (First Fall)
The big Hell’s Gate Reunion Party in which there will be blood.
Steve Dirt vs. Florida Man vs. Sexton Blud

#6 Legion Tag Championships
SoS took the titles from PP, now they try to take them back!
Pineapple Pizza vs. School of Slam ©

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Big against Small. Kayu’s on a run, but can she topple a Giant like Ricc?
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Angus and Grace have had a similar trajectory. What better match-up for the bout that could break the record for longest Hellweight reign?
Angus McMutton vs. Grace Thoruson ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Hobo One Kevodki
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Flamander ©
#3 Duckboy vs. Anna May vs. Danny V5
#4 VACANT vs. Freddie Hope
#5 Steve Dirt vs. Florida Man vs. Sexton Blud
#6 Pineapple Pizza vs. School of Slam ©
#7 Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
#8 Angus McMutton vs. Grace Thoruson

[IGgy]

Week 84: oops, i forgot dash vs. vacation skeleton, too bad! - (Twitch Vod)

@Match Card and Results

Week 84: oops i forgot dash vs. vacation skeleton, too bad
ATTENTION: This show will run on Friday instead of Saturday, just fyi.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
GO ASS! (Tanahashi theme starts playing)
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Hobo One Kevodki

At this point I don’t know what to say anymore. Explosion-chan gets another W.

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Oooh, Pantha and Flamander in the same match. Not that it matters in a Battle Royal but they have a tied record in singles competition.
Chief Engineer vs. EGO vs. Austin Ramon vs. Kelyey Slaughter vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Pantha vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Flamander ©

We start off with Pantha and Flamander. And while Pantha was eliminated second by… Agnes??? What the hell? Agnes Paragon? That old lady eliminates the former Hellweight Champion, the one with the longest reign (tied with Grace as of the time of this match)

Scene: Dash and VS go backstage to IGgy’s office and call him out on his bullshit about having forgotten to book them. He still refuses to book them.

#3 Three-Way (Elimination)
I call this the Babbeh Battle because those are our youngest wrestlers all in one ring.
Duckboy vs. Anna May vs. Danny V5

Babbeh Battle Royal was good fun. As I pointed out somehow Danny is the only one in this match who isn’t a shitpost. Duckboy threw an impressive tantrum that almost had him win the match but Danny subdued the baby with a graceful counter pin.

#4 Singles Match
They faced before, but this time it’s not by VACANT’s rules but Freddie’s rules (which is normal singles rules)
VACANT vs. Freddie Hope

VACANT really owned this match at first but then Freddie went into some kind of rage, did kip-ups off of everything and mounted an amazing comeback that lasted until the end of the match… when VACANT took back control and via an elevated front facelook Guillotine kind of hold.

Scene: [spoiler]Palpy is up to his bullshit and posts and open challenge for one night only where everyone in the building is excluded. Tara shows up, back from excursion and forces him to accept anyway by nicely asking the ref to ring the bell.

#? Surprise Singles Match!
Palpatine vs. Tara Milleneon
Didn’t take long for Tara to take control and win. Everybody loves to see Palpy eat shit. So this was an all around good experience.[/spoiler]

#5 Three-Way Landmine Deathmatch (First Fall)
The big Hell’s Gate Reunion Party in which there will be blood.
Steve Dirt vs. Florida Man vs. Sexton Blud

What the hell? It took them 30 minutes to start bleeding. Except Steve, of course. It’s worth noting that Sexton’s offense changed from somewhat comedic to downright vicious as he started bleeding. There was a fork right to the groin at one point. Ow! The match ended after Florida put Steve Dirt in the Dick Drivah and they landed on a fork, knocking Steve out cold.

#6 Legion Tag Championships
SoS took the titles from PP, now they try to take them back!
Pineapple Pizza vs. School of Slam ©

Oof, this was a quick one. After a lot of the previous matches running long this probably isn’t too bad. But Pineapple Pizza looked really strong in this by winning super fast. Cheese Pietzza tapped out the Supreme Sadim with a trap armbar, reclaiming the titles for PP.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Big against Small. Kayu’s on a run, but can she topple a Giant like Ricc?
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©

Ricc, as always, countered most moves with his sheer mass. Eventually Kayu could break through and do some damage but it was too late, Ricc gets the win with the Ticctory Roll.

#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Angus and Grace have had a similar trajectory. What better match-up for the bout that could break the record for longest Hellweight reign?
Angus McMutton vs. Grace Thoruson ©

Angus and Grace. Both went from zero to the top in their OHPW carreer. While Grace was able to impress by being the surprise winner of a single elimintion tournament Angus dug himself out of a depression that slowed him down and lately has been fighting strong. And now they meet in the ring. Angus is relentless. Even early on he hits Tru Bru after Tru Bru. The only reason Grace didn’t stay down was probably because she hadn’t been powered out enough. Eventually Grace hits the Saving Grace… but not for the win. However, it does turn the tide a bit. A Dizzy grace fights back, even connecting the Tru Bru. However, Angus’ head is very hard so she collapsed along with Angus. Shortly after, another Tru Bru… again from Grace. This time it’s the real deal, goes for the pin 1… 2… … 2.9 Angus barely kicks out. The modified single leg Boston Crab? Not enough. Angus hits another Ripcord Tru Bru and 1… 2… 3! We have a new Champion. Grace dould not break Pantha’s record but her reign will be remembered as one of the most deserved ones.

[IGgy]

Week 85: Passing the Torch

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
I BELIEVE IN YOU, ASS!
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Sgt. Sprinklez

#2 Singles Match
The biggest chest in the business is about to get burned… or not. He’s strong.
Blaze Rider vs. Boob Marley

#3 Singles Match
What’s this? A new skeleton? Going against another skeleton? I’m giving this away for free!
Bone Idol vs. Skullistair

#4 Tag Team Match
This basically a clash between unlikely friends and brothers with an unfortunate family name.
Family Man & Steve Dirt vs. SHA-MO

#5 Singles Match
There’s a slight chance Tara traveled through time to watch matches from when Eddie was not yet a zombie.
Tara Milleneon vs. Undeddie Guerrero

#6 Singles Match
Suzan throws up the horns sometimes and N. A. Robutt is made of metal. So this is a match now.
Suzan Blades vs. Nawt a Robutt

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Another classic David vs. Goliath match. Never gets old
Danny V5 vs. Ricc 2 Thicc ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Sgt. Sprinklez for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Blaze Rider vs. Boob Marley
#3 Bone Idol vs. Skullistair
#4 Family Man & Steve Dirt vs. SHA-MO
#5 Tara Milleneon vs. Undeddie Guerrero
#6 Suzan Blades vs. Nawt A Robutt
#7 Danny V5 vs. Ricc 2 Thicc © for the Darkweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 85: Passing the Torch - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 85: Passing the Torch

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
I BELIEVE IN YOU, ASS!
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Sgt. Sprinklez

Oh wow. They went to 15 Minutes, the ring exploded and then they just kept going. ASS out to prove that she does not deserve to be here. However, she did not win this match.

#2 Singles Match
The biggest chest in the business is about to get burned… or not. He’s strong.
Blaze Rider vs. Boob Marley

Blaze Rider, flames of justice, out to thwart Boob Marley. But the way it often is, the hero needs to take a beating in the first act. Boob wins with the Sunken Chest.

#3 Singles Match
What’s this? A new skeleton? Going against another skeleton? I’m giving this away for free!
Bone Idol vs. Skullistair

Skeleton recognizes Skeleton. Perhaps this is why Skullistair did the “Feeling A Strong 9 To A Light 10 On This One Cause It’s Bone Hurting Juice” twice in a row. That or they forgot they did it after the first time because they fell poorly. Eitherway, it was enough to win the match.

Scene: Freddie Comes out and talks a bit about the Young Devils. Notably, Hank’s whereabouts are unknown. But he intends to face each of these three people he helped train in a match to see what they learned down the road.

#4 Tag Team Match
This basically a clash between unlikely friends and brothers with an unfortunate family name.
Family Man & Steve Dirt vs. SHA-MO

Damn. This went really long. Everyone did their finisher at least once to make sure everyone gets to kick out of something. Sadly for Family Man he ended up being the last one to be hit with a finisher, Lightning’s Lightning Strikes got him down for the 3.

#5 Singles Match
There’s a slight chance Tara traveled through time to watch matches from when Eddie was not yet a zombie.
Tara Milleneon vs. Undeddie Guerrero

Tara managed to control the match almost for its entire duration. Perhaps this is why it’s so short.

#6 Singles Match
Suzan throws up the horns sometimes and N. A. Robutt is made of metal. So this is a match now.
Suzan Blades vs. Nawt a Robutt

In a battle between Beef and Steel it’s usually the steel that comes out on top. But this is Suzan’s beef we’re talking about here. The former and first Hellweight Champion who despite losing the title eventually but kept her stocks high through excellent performances since. However, today, Steel wins. Perhaps it was the type advantage bot Robutt actually pulled through.

Scene: IGgy accompanies Ricc to the ring and cuts a promo about how cool Ricc is before the match.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Another classic David vs. Goliath match. Never gets old
Danny V5 vs. Ricc 2 Thicc ©

While Danny managed to get more offense in than Kayu when she lost the Darkweight Title, Ricc be Riccin’ way too Thicc. Danny cannot withstand the Thicctory Roll and Ricc retains.

[IGgy]

Week 86: Danger Spider Returns
This is on a Friday instead of a Saturday again. And due to missing last week I’ve added another match to it… (and shuffled around the others to make room for it.)
This does mean that we have eight instead of hour usual seven. This is the first time a regular show has more than seven matches (you may be inclined to count the tournament ones, but those were tournament shows and thus are not regular. QED by some logic.)

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
I’m running out of supportive things to say about ASS…
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Undeddie Guerrero

#2 Singles Match
Baby vs. Granny. BIG MATCH!
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Agnes Paragon

#3 Singles Match
Flash? Aaaah! New guy faces the Coffee Elemental
Flash Hammer vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

#4 Tag Team Match
Danger Spider’s last appearance as a unit was 46 Episodes ago (!)
The Fun Gang (Fomore + VS) vs. Danger Spider

#5 Singles Match
She can hold her own against large people but can she battle a large brain???
Isabel Ibarra vs. EGO

#6 Singles Match
Sexton’s got Blud in his name, Suzan has it on her face.
Sexton Blud vs. Suzan Blades

#7 Singles Match
This could have happened in LPFWA. Maybe it did. I dunno.
Freddie Hope vs. Boob Marley

#8 Seven Deadly Pins
Flamander is already the longest reigning deadliest pinner of all time. His reign has to end here.
Zoltan vs. Suman. vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Team Skull Grunt Blue vs. Team Skull Grunt Pink vs. Great Maharaja vs. Flamander

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Undeddie Guerrero
#2 Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Agnes Paragon
#3 Flash Hammer vs. DCB
#4 The Fun Gang vs. Danger Spider
#5 Isabel Ibarra vs. EGO
#6 Sexton Blud vs. Suzan Blades
#7 Freddie Hope vs. Boob Marley
#8 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Flamander

[IGgy]

Week 86: Danger Spider Returns - (Twitch VOD)

@"Match Card and Results

Week 86: Danger Spider Returns
This is on a Friday instead of a Saturday again. And due to missing last week I’ve added another match to it… (and shuffled around the others to make room for it.)
This does mean that we have eight instead of hour usual seven. This is the first time a regular show has more than seven matches (you may be inclined to count the tournament ones, but those were tournament shows and thus are not regular. QED by some logic.)

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
I’m running out of supportive things to say about ASS…
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Undeddie Guerrero

Another one that went to the explosion. This time Explosion-chan emerged victorious again.

#2 Singles Match
Baby vs. Granny. BIG MATCH!
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Agnes Paragon

Agnes tried her best to put the Duckbaby to sleep, but you don’t simply put the Duckbaby to sleep. Quackenduckboy Jr. scores his first win against an evil granny.

Scene: Vacation Skeleton and Dash hang out and lament the fact that they haven’t had their match yet. They’d love to forge a plan but are too stupid to do it.

#3 Singles Match
Flash? Aaaah! New guy faces the Coffee Elemental
Flash Hammer vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

Flash, you fool! You’re supposed to go for the pin after your finisher! The match continues and DCB is able to land her Espresso Shot for the win.

#4 Tag Team Match
Danger Spider’s last appearance as a unit was 46 Episodes ago (!)
The Fun Gang (Fomore + VS) vs. Danger Spider

Danger Spider back after all this time but it seems they are a bit out of sync after approaching a year without having teamed. Fomore is able to lock Grace into a Triangle Lancer and she taps out.

#5 Singles Match
She can hold her own against large people but can she battle a large brain???
Isabel Ibarra vs. EGO

Oh wow. EGO kinda just… did the Skullistair Special and you don’t simply come back from that.

#6 Singles Match
Sexton’s got Blud in his name, Suzan has it on her face.
Sexton Blud vs. Suzan Blades

Suzan seems to have taken some offense to Sexton’s shenanigans at the start of the match. She refused to even hit the Knightfall for a while esentially toying with Sexton, who eventually submitted to the Hijack Backbreaker.

#7 Singles Match
This could have happened in LPFWA. Maybe it did. I dunno.
Freddie Hope vs. Boob Marley

Freddie played the babyface in peril and then won off a single move! wow!

#8 Seven Deadly Pins
Flamander is already the longest reigning deadliest pinner of all time. His reign has to end here.
Zoltan vs. Suman. vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Team Skull Grunt Blue vs. Team Skull Grunt Pink vs. Great Maharaja vs. Flamander

Oh boy, what’s this? The last four are Mr. Shakedown, Flamander, Grunt Pink and Grunt Blue. First the Grunts separate Shakedown and Flamander and manage to take down Shakedown. Flamander is now left to face the longest reigning Tag Champs on his own at the same time. He too is taken out and it’s between the Grunts now. They’ve taken a lot of punishment despite cooperating (for the most part) so it doesn’t take long for one of them to stay down. Blue pins Pink and becomes the new Seven Deadly Pins champion.

[IGgy]

Week 87: Dreams Come True

Next week will be the 88th Episode and it’s a PPV. You know what that means!
That’s damn right. We’ll have a PPV called FUCK NAZIS or at least F*** NAZIS so Twitch can rest easy that I didn’t use the word “fuck” in my stream title. Maybe FCK/NZS too. Depends on my mood. Anyway, there will be some type of shitting on Nazis cause if you have an 88th episode you gotta do that.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
SHE’S BEAT THE BEAR BEFORE! SHE CAN DO IT AGAIN!
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja

#2 Singles Match
Let’s give away this match of Fire vs. Fire for free on TV in the undercard.
Blaze Rider vs. Mina Park

#3 Singles Match
Pretty sure skeletons can’t be cops so this is a friendly exhibition.
Skullistair vs. Pig Destroyer

#4 Four-Way
I’ve woefully underbooked DCB lately. Time to fix this. Oh there’s other people too.
DvineCoffeeBinge vs. Tara Milleneon vs. Bone Idol vs. Steve Dirt

#5 Singles Match
Remember when Dash first ascended to Dashhood and murdered everyone? Maybe he’s got a chance against VACANT.
VACANT vs. Dashosphere

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Robutt beat Suzan, Freddie is Freddie and beat Boob. Let’s see who shall challenge Angus.
Nawt A Robutt vs. Freddie Hope

#7 Legion Tag Title
SHA-MO earned this by winning two weeks ago… don’t worry, The Fun Gang will get their shot.
SHA-MO vs. Cheese Pietzza

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Blaze Rider vs. Mina Park
#3 Skullistair vs. Pig Destroyer
#4 DCB vs. Tara vs. Bone Idol vs. Steve Dirt
#5 VACANT vs. Dash
#6 Nawt A Robutt vs. Freddie Hope
#7 SHA-MO vs. Cheese Pietzza © for the Legion Tag Titles

[IGgy]

Week 87: Dreams Come True - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 87: Dreams Come True

Next week will be the 88th Episode and it’s a PPV. You know what that means!
That’s damn right. We’ll have a PPV called FUCK NAZIS or at least F*** NAZIS so Twitch can rest easy that I didn’t use the word “fuck” in my stream title. Maybe FCK/NZS too. Depends on my mood. Anyway, there will be some type of shitting on Nazis cause if you have an 88th episode you gotta do that.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
SHE’S BEAT THE BEAR BEFORE! SHE CAN DO IT AGAIN!
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Great Maharaja

Depressing. Explosion-Chan comes to claim their prey but Maharaja gets back up.

#2 Singles Match
Let’s give away this match of Fire vs. Fire for free on TV in the undercard.
Blaze Rider vs. Mina Park

BURNING! Flames of Justice! VERSUS Mina “I love to melt things” Park BIG MONEY! Mina wins with the Chair’s Illusion…

#3 Singles Match
Pretty sure skeletons can’t be cops so this is a friendly exhibition.
Skullistair vs. Pig Destroyer

People, I made clear that skeletons can’t be cops, why do you have to be like this. It’s like established lore at this point. Your point is moot anyway, Skullistair defeats Pig Destroyer with a… Pig Destroyer Destroyer? Usually called a Canadian Destroyer or just a Destroyer or, whatever. 1-2-3 done!

#4 Four-Way
I’ve woefully underbooked DCB lately. Time to fix this. Oh there’s other people too.
DvineCoffeeBinge vs. Tara Milleneon vs. Bone Idol vs. Steve Dirt

It was all just a normal match until Bone Idol whipped out the Bone Zone, knocking out Steve! Then immediately doing it against Tara for a three count! Holy shit! Don’t fuck with the Bone Zone! DCB somehow lucks into not getting hit with it and manages to win with the lesser Espresso Shot.

#5 Singles Match
Remember when Dash first ascended to Dashhood and murdered everyone? Maybe he’s got a chance against VACANT.
VACANT vs. Dashosphere

Hahah nah! Dash lasted longer than ten minutes, though.

#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
Robutt beat Suzan, Freddie is Freddie and beat Boob. Let’s see who shall challenge Angus.
Nawt A Robutt vs. Freddie Hope

Robutt’s biggest chance yet! But Freddie is not one to simply let it happen. And so he didn’t. It took him a good while to get the Human Suplex Machine down but Freddie succeeded and will challenge Angus for the title at the PPV next week!

#7 Legion Tag Title
SHA-MO earned this by winning two weeks ago… don’t worry, The Fun Gang will get their shot.
SHA-MO vs. Cheese Pietzza

Both teams attempted to control the match-up, being tag team specialists it was more of a tug of war. For the finish, Lightning hit a Canadian Destroyer, moving Pietzza to SHA-MO’s corner and followed with lightning strikes. SHA-MO are our new champs!

[IGgy]

Week 88: FUCK NAZIS

The official Episode 88 Title is FUCK NAZIS because fuck em. But due to some services disallowing EVIL WORDS like FUCK I had to self censor… by using an already existing variation of the RUN DMC logo that is popular in Germany. Anyway, PPV time!

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Yeah, sure, just have her go against Shakedown. Damn IGgy!
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Mr. Shakedown

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA—
Vacation Skeleton vs. Dash Rendar vs. Spitbal vs. Bone Idol vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Team Skull Grunt Blue

#3 Singles Match
The two recent Young Devil Graduates clash with their teacher as a referee.
Sexton Blud vs. Tara Milleneon with Freddie Hope as a Special Referee

#4 Singles Match
KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isabel Ibarra vs. Harley Havik

#5 Singles Match
They both delivered consistently good matches. I’m jinxing it by saying it here.
Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5

#6 Super VACANT Open Challenge II
Maybe we’ll have a Turbo version one day. Get on it Capcom!
TBA vs. TBA vs. TBA vs. TBA vs. VACANT

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
An actual skeleton challenges a grandmaster of Thicc Won Do?
Skullistair vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

#8 Legion Tag Championship
Hey, if The Fun Gang win this Fomore will have held every pre-Pokeymanz title!
The Fun Gang (Fomore + DCB) vs. SHA-MO

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
They faced each other before… in a tag match. Tommy Wiseau was Angus’ tag partner.
Freddie Hope vs. Angus McMutton

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Mr. Shakedown for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Team Skull Grunt Blue ©
#3 Sexton Blud vs. Tara Milleneon
#4 Isabel Ibarra vs. Harley Havik
#5 Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5
#6 Super VACANT Open Challenge II
#7 Skullistair vs. Ricc 2 Thicc © for the Darkweight Title
#8 The Fun Gang vs. SHA-MO © for the Legion Tag Titles
#9 Freddie Hope vs. Angus McMutton © for the Hellweight Title

[IGgy]

Week 88: FUCK NAZIS - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 88: FUCK NAZIS

[timg]https://i.imgur.com/HyTtkW0.jpg[/timg]
The official Episode 88 Title is FUCK NAZIS because fuck em. But due to some services disallowing EVIL WORDS like FUCK I had to self censor… by using an already existing variation of the RUN DMC logo that is popular in Germany. Anyway, PPV time!

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Yeah, sure, just have her go against Shakedown. Damn IGgy!
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Mr. Shakedown

Just gonna say it: Explosion-chan wins.

#2 Seven Deadly Pins
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA—
Vacation Skeleton vs. Dash Rendar vs. Spitbal vs. Bone Idol vs. Lea Lionheart vs. Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka vs. Team Skull Grunt Blue

That one was interesting and like it often does it really heated up near the end. And the finishing sequence was Kayu eliminating Vacation Skeleton with her Finishing Cross Body off the top rope and while she was still down recovering Lea dropped the Make-A-Wish on her, Smokin’ Sexy Style, for the win.

Scene: Freddie, Tara and Sexton talk about their upcoming matches

#3 Singles Match
The two recent Young Devil Graduates clash with their teacher as a referee.
Sexton Blud vs. Tara Milleneon with Freddie Hope as a Special Referee

Lots of heavy hard hits, lots of spinning. And eventually Sexton hits a Reverse Michinoku Driver for the 1-2-3

#4 Singles Match
KNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Isabel Ibarra vs. Harley Havik

Another fast and hard one. We finish with Isabel hitting a Pop-up Powerbomb on Harley and following it with a Reverse Firebird Splash, earning her the win.

#5 Singles Match
They both delivered consistently good matches. I’m jinxing it by saying it here.
Koji Kojinaka vs. Danny V5

They went toe to toe early, playing more or less by Koji’s rules. But soon Danny seized opportunity and hit the V5 early on. It was not enough for the win but Koji was both hit really hard and out of his element now. The Ace of Two Hells managed to go against Danny for a good while longer before he hit the V5 a second time and won.

#6 Super VACANT Open Challenge II
Maybe we’ll have a Turbo version one day. Get on it Capcom!

Star Pilot Flamander vs. Derrick Brizen vs. Majin Bob Sapp vs. F.O.E. vs. VACANT

Surprise this now takes place in a weird barbed wire hell with weapons. And shit. We got a star studded Roster with Retro Flamander, Derrick Brizen and Majin Bob Sapp going against VACANT. F.O.E. was eliminated first at 7 minutes, Flamander second at 10 minutes. Bob Sapp at almost 14 minutes. And after nearly 26 minutes Derrick Brizen finally stayed down after being cut open right at the start of the match. VACANT retains.

Scene: IGgy tries to hype up Ricc while Skullistair sits in the corner patiently and seductively.

#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
An actual skeleton challenges a grandmaster of Thicc Won Do?
Skullistair vs. Ricc 2 Thicc

Shit, fuck, they went forever. The first 25 or so minutes of the match have Ricc dominate but Skullistair somehow never backing down. Then after a long time Skullistair finally gets some real offense in, things are looking up. They even hit a canadian destroyer but then… Thicctory Roll for like the fourth time in this match. Skullistair cannot lift their shoulders anymore.

#8 Legion Tag Championship
Hey, if The Fun Gang win this Fomore will have held every pre-Pokeymanz title!
The Fun Gang (Fomore + DCB) vs. SHA-MO

Let’s cut to the finish, shall we? DCB throws out Lightning, and climbs the top rope. Perched to await Lighting rising to his feet for a big dive the ref counts to 5 and The Fun Gang is disqualified. The Fun Gang curse continues!

#9 Infernal Hellweight Championship
They faced each other before… in a tag match. Tommy Wiseau was Angus’ tag partner.
Freddie Hope vs. Angus McMutton

One of the most straight-forward matches of the night. There was a lot of back and forth. Angus did the Tru Bru several times but most of the time on the outside. Freddie usually hit the Last Hope on the inside but throwing Angus to the outside with it. Until the end when Angus threw Freddie back in the ring to signal to him to better do the fucking move on the inside. Which he then immediately did to defeat Angus. Freddie is our new Hellweight Champ.

[IGgy]

Week 89: Judgement Dawn II
OHPW on Saturday again, as usual.

Next PPV will be on the 14th of November. It will be the 665th Day of OHPW.
And the show will run past midnight. You know what that means.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Ah, yes. Adding knees will surely help.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Harley Havik

#2 Singles Match
Could this be? The first ever win of hot babyface Suman? Oh wait.
Flash Hammer vs. Suman

#3 Singles Match
Florida Man challenges fire to a fight, yells at it to “bring the heat”
Florida Man vs. Blaze Rider

#4 Four Way First Fall
Well, that’s a random match-up. Sure there’s no meaning to it at all.
Pig Destroyer vs. Isabel Ibarra vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Rick Wreckage

#5 Singles Match
What cruel person would book this? HE HAS A FAMILY!
Supreme Sadim vs. Family Man

#6 Singles Match
It appears that Danny V5 is flying too close to the sun.
Hellranger Flamander vs. Danny V5

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Interesting. I believe RBF’s debut was against SHA-MO.
Real Beer Float vs. SHA-MO ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Harley Havik for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Flash Hammer vs. Suman
#3 Florida Man vs. Blaze Rider
#4 Pig Destroyer vs. Isabel Ibarra vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Rick Wreckage
#5 Supreme Sadim vs. Family Man
#6 Hellranger Flamander vs. Danny V5
#7 Real Beer Float vs. SHA-MO © for the Legion Tag titles.

[IGgy]

Week 89: Judgement Dawn II - (Twitch VOD)

@Match Card and Results

Week 89: Judgement Dawn II
OHPW on Saturday again, as usual.

Next PPV will be on the 14th of November. It will be the 665th Day of OHPW.
And the show will run past midnight. You know what that means.

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Ah, yes. Adding knees will surely help.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Harley Havik

Explosion-Chan wins… ASS retains

#2 Singles Match
Could this be? The first ever win of hot babyface Suman? Oh wait.
Flash Hammer vs. Suman

And again, Flash refuses to pin after his actual finishing move. Well, one time it happened on the outside, but another match he should have won for sure but did not. They went over 20 minutes!!!

#3 Singles Match
Florida Man challenges fire to a fight, yells at it to “bring the heat”
Florida Man vs. Blaze Rider

What a contrast of styles. One involves a lot of biting and stabbing the other a lot of flying and throwing and sometimes bending. You can most likely guess which is which and this time Blaze came out on top. They went over 20 Minutes!!!

Scene: Kelsey comes out and announces that for this year’s Gorefest there will be qualifying matches, the first being the very next match on the card.

#4 Four Way First Fall - Bloodtober Gorefest Qualifier
Well, that’s a random match-up. Sure there’s no meaning to it at all.
Pig Destroyer vs. Isabel Ibarra vs. Undeddie Guerrero vs. Rick Wreckage

Throughout the match we were focusing on Pig Destroyer and Isabel, who both simultaneously are the most and least likely to not just win this match but the Gorefest as well by sheer virtue of the fact that nothing makes sense anyway. So imagine our shock when Rick Wreckage came and took the win via Bosto Crab locked in on Undeddie. They went over 20 minutes!!!

#5 Singles Match
What cruel person would book this? HE HAS A FAMILY!
Supreme Sadim vs. Family Man

Something tells me that Sadim didn’t quite take Family Man seriously. He took too much time and Family Man was able to overcome his fears of getting hurt and hurting people and went ham! However, in the end Sadim still made him humble. They went over 20 minutes!!!

Scene: IGgy comes out and announces the first match for JUDGEMENT NIGHT II: 666 MIDNIGHT CALLING. It’s Vacation Skeleton vs. Dash Rendar, Holy shit! It’s happening! Unless… No, it’s actually happening!

#6 Singles Match
It appears that Danny V5 is flying too close to the sun.
Hellranger Flamander vs. Danny V5

Another match where the vet doesn’t take the newcomer too seriously. Danny V5 did what worked best for him so far. Trying to overwhelm his opponents with his speed and hitting his biggest moves fast. A high risk approach. It almost worked but he could not get Flamander down long enough. Flamander takes this match. They went over 20 minutes!!! Wait, actually, they went OVER THIRTY MINUTES!111 Over 35 even! The fuck?

#7 Legion Tag Championships
Interesting. I believe RBF’s debut was against SHA-MO.
Real Beer Float vs. SHA-MO ©

This match went much like their first outing. A solid back and forth. Until late in the match when Austin was either to battered to realize he had to tag out, too confident in his ability to do so or simply too stubborn to admit that he had to do so… it somehow paid off! He managed to get the big lad Thunder down and grounded working his arms, his legs, his neck his everything, went to his own corner and locked in a submission for the win. Real Beer Float are the new champs! They went over 20 minutes!!!

[IGgy]

Week 90: Judgement Day II

#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Nearly forgot to reward DCB for losing via DQ-Count with a match where that can’t happen.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. DivineCoffeeBinge

#2 Singles Match
Why’s that goat asshole here again all of a sudden?
Haz Matt vs Malfest Goat-Monster

#3 Singles Match
Uh oh… go easy on him he’s just a large baby.
VACANT vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.

#4 Bloodtober Gorefest II Qualifier (Tornado First Fall Tag)
Champs and Hell’s Gate Alumni team up and whoever gets the fall goes to the Gorefest.
Steve Dirt, Grace, Angus, Sexton vs. Family Man, Harmony, Tara, Pantha

#5 Singles Match
Hey, Manic, what does your wiki say about Pillmanizing. Wanna know what it feels like?
Plumeria vs. Manic Misanthrope

#6 Singles Match
“I’m sorry Skullistair. Time to die” is said and then they lwent to a time limit draw.
Suzan Blades vs. Skullistair

#7 Seven Deadly Pins
Honestly it’s just a bunch of weirdos in one ring at the same time.
Super Samio vs. A Mimic vs. Isabel Ibarra vs. Palpatine vs. Nawt a Robutt vs. Josef Dub vs. Mr. Shakedown vs. Lea Lionheart ©

[IGgy]

Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen

Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. DivineCoffeeBinge for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Haz Matt vs. Malfest Goat-Monster
#3 VACANT vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.
#4 Steve, Grace, Angus, Sexton vs. Family, Harmony, Tara, Pantha
#5 Plumeria vs. Manic Misanthrope
#6 Suzan Blades vs. Skullistair
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Lea Lionheart ©