Week 84: oops i forgot dash vs. vacation skeleton, too bad
ATTENTION: This show will run on Friday instead of Saturday, just fyi.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
GO ASS! (Tanahashi theme starts playing)
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Hobo One Kevodki
At this point I don’t know what to say anymore. Explosion-chan gets another W.
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
Oooh, Pantha and Flamander in the same match. Not that it matters in a Battle Royal but they have a tied record in singles competition.
Chief Engineer vs. EGO vs. Austin Ramon vs. Kelyey Slaughter vs. Sgt. Sprinkles vs. Pantha vs. Agnes Paragon vs. Flamander (c)
We start off with Pantha and Flamander. And while Pantha was eliminated second by… Agnes??? What the hell? Agnes Paragon? That old lady eliminates the former Hellweight Champion, the one with the longest reign (tied with Grace as of the time of this match)
Scene: Dash and VS go backstage to IGgy’s office and call him out on his bullshit about having forgotten to book them. He still refuses to book them.
#3 Three-Way (Elimination)
I call this the Babbeh Battle because those are our youngest wrestlers all in one ring.
Duckboy vs. Anna May vs. Danny V5
Babbeh Battle Royal was good fun. As I pointed out somehow Danny is the only one in this match who isn’t a shitpost. Duckboy threw an impressive tantrum that almost had him win the match but Danny subdued the baby with a graceful counter pin.
#4 Singles Match
They faced before, but this time it’s not by VACANT’s rules but Freddie’s rules (which is normal singles rules)
VACANT vs. Freddie Hope
VACANT really owned this match at first but then Freddie went into some kind of rage, did kip-ups off of everything and mounted an amazing comeback that lasted until the end of the match… when VACANT took back control and via an elevated front facelook Guillotine kind of hold.
Scene: [spoiler]Palpy is up to his bullshit and posts and open challenge for one night only where everyone in the building is excluded. Tara shows up, back from excursion and forces him to accept anyway by nicely asking the ref to ring the bell.
#? Surprise Singles Match!
Palpatine vs. Tara Milleneon
Didn’t take long for Tara to take control and win. Everybody loves to see Palpy eat shit. So this was an all around good experience.[/spoiler]
#5 Three-Way Landmine Deathmatch (First Fall)
The big Hell’s Gate Reunion Party in which there will be blood.
Steve Dirt vs. Florida Man vs. Sexton Blud
What the hell? It took them 30 minutes to start bleeding. Except Steve, of course. It’s worth noting that Sexton’s offense changed from somewhat comedic to downright vicious as he started bleeding. There was a fork right to the groin at one point. Ow! The match ended after Florida put Steve Dirt in the Dick Drivah and they landed on a fork, knocking Steve out cold.
#6 Legion Tag Championships
SoS took the titles from PP, now they try to take them back!
Pineapple Pizza vs. School of Slam (c)
Oof, this was a quick one. After a lot of the previous matches running long this probably isn’t too bad. But Pineapple Pizza looked really strong in this by winning super fast. Cheese Pietzza tapped out the Supreme Sadim with a trap armbar, reclaiming the titles for PP.
#7 Underworld Darkweight Championship
Big against Small. Kayu’s on a run, but can she topple a Giant like Ricc?
Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Kayu Zakisaka (c)
Ricc, as always, countered most moves with his sheer mass. Eventually Kayu could break through and do some damage but it was too late, Ricc gets the win with the Ticctory Roll.
#8 Infernal Hellweight Championship
Angus and Grace have had a similar trajectory. What better match-up for the bout that could break the record for longest Hellweight reign?
Angus McMutton vs. Grace Thoruson (c)
Angus and Grace. Both went from zero to the top in their OHPW carreer. While Grace was able to impress by being the surprise winner of a single elimintion tournament Angus dug himself out of a depression that slowed him down and lately has been fighting strong. And now they meet in the ring. Angus is relentless. Even early on he hits Tru Bru after Tru Bru. The only reason Grace didn’t stay down was probably because she hadn’t been powered out enough. Eventually Grace hits the Saving Grace… but not for the win. However, it does turn the tide a bit. A Dizzy grace fights back, even connecting the Tru Bru. However, Angus’ head is very hard so she collapsed along with Angus. Shortly after, another Tru Bru… again from Grace. This time it’s the real deal, goes for the pin 1… 2… … 2.9 Angus barely kicks out. The modified single leg Boston Crab? Not enough. Angus hits another Ripcord Tru Bru and 1… 2… 3! We have a new Champion. Grace dould not break Pantha’s record but her reign will be remembered as one of the most deserved ones.
