IGgy
July 15, 2020, 6:59pm
#265
Week 77: Lucky
Ah okay, but this should be our new “Normal” time. An hour earlier than or previous normal time.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Thunder doesn’t deserve this, probably. But at this point, neither does Plumeria.
Plumeria (“c” vs. Cock Thunder
#2 Singles Match
Sounds like a wholesome match. Dunno who El Hijo Del Quackenduckboy is, though.
Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.
#3 Singles Match
Who’s that newbie? Isabel isn’t exactly a name that strikes fear into the massive human that is Suman
Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra
#4 Tag Team Match
Well, gee, the unofficial Tag champs vs. the longest reigning official ones.
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts
#5 Singles Match
I don’t wanna say it because that’ll make it not happen, but this’ll probably be good.
Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons
#6 Singles Match
The long awaited match of Vacation Skeleton! Oh, Pantha our former champ is here too, I guess.
Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton
#7 Darkweight Championship
Maya has been on an upswing as of late, but can she halt Kayu’s Momentum?
Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
IGgy
July 18, 2020, 7:43pm
#266
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Plumeria (“c”) vs. Cock Thunder for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.
#3 Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra
#4 Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts
#5 Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons
#6 Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton
#7 Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka © for the Darkweight Title
IGgy
July 19, 2020, 9:38am
#267
Week 77: Lucky - (Twitch VOD)
Week 77: Lucky
Ah okay, but this should be our new “Normal” time. An hour earlier than or previous normal time.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Thunder doesn’t deserve this, probably. But at this point, neither does Plumeria.
Plumeria (“c”) vs. Cock Thunder
Woah, Plumeria is pulling out a chair. VAN DAMINATOR! And oh, follows with a Pilmanizer? What the? TOXIC RANA! Thunder doesn’t care, Thunder just keeps on Thunderin’ but he’s been bleeding from the start of the match, eventually he just can’t get back up before the ref’s hand hits the mat for a third time and Plumeria is a Jabroni no more! Loser AND NEW Jabroni Royale, Cock Thunder!
#2 Singles Match
Sounds like a wholesome match. Dunno who El Hijo Del Quackenduckboy is, though.
Cock Lightning vs. Quackenduckboy Jr.
The hell is this? A giant duck baby!
#3 Singles Match
Who’s that newbie? Isabel isn’t exactly a name that strikes fear into the massive human that is Suman
Suman vs. Isabel Ibarra
Ah, right let’s all mark the spot on our Bingo sheet that says “Undercard Match that’s way better than the Main Event.” Suman attempted to win using his size alone not knowing that Isabel really doesn’t care and just pulls off incredible feats of strength, mainly to make a point. I like Isabel, she kills the business. And wins by submission.
Scene: Dash Rendar continues to be an enormous idiot. Get a load of this guy! This can’t end poorly for IGgy at all who puts himself between Vacation Skeleton and Dash this time. So I guess IGgy is also an enormous idiot.
#4 Tag Team Match
Well, gee, the unofficial Tag champs vs. the longest reigning official ones.
Fallout Boys vs. Team Skull Grunts
Both teams fought well until Matt decided he wanted to win… and won. Just continued lockin in the Containment Unit on both Grunts until one of them couldn’t take it anymore.
#5 Singles Match
I don’t wanna say it because that’ll make it not happen, but this’ll probably be good.
Lea Lionheart vs. Hayley Simmons
Seemingly evenly matched but Lea seems to have watched Kelsey vs. Suzan a few weeks back and just kept trying for her finishing move, the Make-A-Wish and was successful.
#6 Singles Match
The long awaited match of Vacation Skeleton! Oh, Pantha our former champ is here too, I guess.
Pantha vs. Vacation Skeleton
BIG upset victory! Pantha wins… oh wait… uh… Pantha was the favorite here, she’s the former champ after all. But hey, Vacation Skeleton got all his shit in and then lost so that’s cool too. Go Vacation Skeleton!
#7 Darkweight Championship
Maya has been on an upswing as of late, but can she halt Kayu’s Momentum?
Maya Northwind vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
If you expect a hard hitting hard fought match between these two then you wouldn’t be wrong. But this burned only briefly but was very bright. Kayu surprised with a Cartwheel Poison Rana, and though Maya kicked out that brutal hit to the head is probably what made it possible for Kayu to follow ith the Magical Mahou Splash for the win shortly after.
IGgy
July 22, 2020, 6:36pm
#268
Week 78: Book me, coward!
I’ve been talking about “normal timeslots” a lot the last few weeks. But this is the new normal. Get used to it. Or don’t I’m not your boss. I may start PPVs an hour early from now to avoid them running until way past midnight. Anyway, here’s a match card.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Believe it or not, this is actually a rematch from their Hell’s Gate days
Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS
#2 Singles Match
Florida Man wrestles dead body, gets a couple good hits in.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man
#3 Singles Match
Lots of “David vs. Goliath” match-ups lately, but whatchoo gonna do?
Super Samio vs. Midas
#4 Tag Team Match
It’s been 25 weeks since the Skull Bosses tagged. TWENTY-FIVE
Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses
#5 Singles Match
Little did Pig Destroyer know, Angus wears a lamb mask for big matches, not a pig one.
Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton
#6 Singles Match
As long as Pantha doesn’t do a Neck Crank Rick stands a chance.
Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha
#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Seven Deadly Pins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell… and their trip begins.
Agnes Paragon vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. EGO vs. Fomore vs. Boob Marley vs. Ryu vs. Anna May ©
IGgy
July 25, 2020, 7:44pm
#269
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man
#3 Super Samio vs. Midas
#4 Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses
#5 Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton
#6 Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Anna May ©
IGgy
July 26, 2020, 10:00am
#270
Week 78: Thanks for not killing me - (Twitch VOD)
Week 78: Book me, coward!
I’ve been talking about “normal timeslots” a lot the last few weeks. But this is the new normal. Get used to it. Or don’t I’m not your boss. I may start PPVs an hour early from now to avoid them running until way past midnight. Anyway, here’s a match card.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Believe it or not, this is actually a rematch from their Hell’s Gate days
Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS
Neither of those two truly deserve to be here and they fought hard. But it turns out Thunder doing his signature suplex onto a freaking toaster would actually win him the match.
Scene: Flamander just kinda answered questions while lying there on the locker room bench. Talking about his transformation against Bob Sapp and how Bob nearly died.
#2 Singles Match
Florida Man wrestles dead body, gets a couple good hits in.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man
Undeddie showing his technical prowess early on only to be out-violenced by Florida Man, Undeddie still prevailed by winning via submission in the end.
#3 Singles Match
Lots of “David vs. Goliath” match-ups lately, but whatchoo gonna do?
Super Samio vs. Midas
Samio shows why she’s super but everything Midas touches turns into gold somehow and he still wins.
#4 Tag Team Match
It’s been 25 weeks since the Skull Bosses tagged. TWENTY-FIVE
Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses
Although they haven’t tagged in a while the Team Skull Bosses show that not only haven’t they missed a beat but they are back stronger than before. Still, they couldn’t beat RBF. That Canadian Backbreaker from Sgt. Sprinkles just was a tad too much for Guzma to handle before Plumeria could come for the rescue.
#5 Singles Match
Little did Pig Destroyer know, Angus wears a lamb mask for big matches, not a pig one.
Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton
Slamfest. Tru Bru! Oh no it’s the Tru Bru again! Pig Destroyer! Pig Destroyer II! Pig Destroyer again! Tru Bru! No! Ushigoroshi! That’s it finally! Angus wins!
#6 Singles Match
As long as Pantha doesn’t do a Neck Crank Rick stands a chance.
Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha
Pantha finishes Rick in short order, but not for a lack of trying on part of Rick. It just shows why Pantha is still the longest reigning Hellweight champ as of right now.
#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Seven Deadly Pins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell… and their trip begins.
Agnes Paragon vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. EGO vs. Fomore vs. Boob Marley vs. Ryu vs. Anna May ©
The 7DP: Chaotic and yet fun, as always. Boob is out first, submission EGO gets DQ’d out of this no DQ match, Pietzza is pinned next, then the Champ Anna May is forced to quit for the love of the art by Fomore. Manic lasted longer than his battle royal record makes you assume. Ryu is then pinned by Agnes. Fomore makes it all the way to the end, submitting Agnes immediately after she pinned Ryu, becoming the deadliest pinner once more.
IGgy
July 29, 2020, 5:57pm
#271
Week 79: NOW book me, coward!
And here we go! Match card for this week. And next week, we’ll have a PPV. Just don’t know what to call it yet? Mmmh, let’s hope something happens on the show that gives it a name.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
It’s like these get more and more high profile
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Boob Marley
#2 Singles Match
Fuck him up, Skullistair!
Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*
#3 Singles Match
The flyin’ kid against an old homeless guy
Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki
#4 Three-Way (Elimination)
There’s a non-zero percent chance that there will be blood with Kelsey, a guy called Pig Destroyer and a giant baby bird.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter
#5 Singles Match
This is mainly to see if the Tiny Titan can lift the Thicc Titan. (Spoiler: Yes)
Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
#6 Singles Match
Oh shit! Angus sure has climbed the card! He even gets a Vacation Skeleton match.
Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton
#7 Legion Tag Championship
RBF are goin’ back to school. And this time they try to beat it up.
Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam ©
IGgy
August 1, 2020, 7:44pm
#272
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS © vs. Boob Marley for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*
#3 Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki
#4 Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter
#5 Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
#6 Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton
#7 Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam © For the Legion Tag Titles
IGgy
August 2, 2020, 9:25am
#273
Week 79: NOW book me, coward! - (Twitch VOD)
Week 79: NOW book me, coward!
And here we go! Match card for this week. And next week, we’ll have a PPV. Just don’t know what to call it yet? Mmmh, let’s hope something happens on the show that gives it a name.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
It’s like these get more and more high profile
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Boob Marley
Unfortunate. This match was even. They traded offense back and forth. But it went to 15 Minutes and the explosion happened. Boob was able to get back up after but I don’t think this is the last we’ve heard of the legendary Boob vs. ASS match-up.
#2 Singles Match
Fuck him up, Skullistair!
Skullistair vs. The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar*
Oof. As it turns out “The Collective Conscience of Dash Rendar” technically refers to any combination of Dashes and our Dash Prime didn’t even show up. Skullistair got screwed on this one. There wasn’t much they could do. I’m pretty sure this is not the last we’ve seen of this either.
Scene: Grace enters the ring and demands to be booked. IGgy shows up and says no. But then changes his mind and books himself against Grace. He promptly uses and even has his own finisher done against him. This was a light workout for Grace. Probably didn’t break a sweat.
#3 Singles Match
The flyin’ kid against an old homeless guy
Danny V5 vs. Hobo One Kevodki
This is a bit of an undercard sleeper hit. They did their things and Danny even managed to pull off the V5 for the win (after whiffing it once, but hey, you gotta make mistakes too!)
#4 Three-Way (Elimination)
There’s a non-zero percent chance that there will be blood with Kelsey, a guy called Pig Destroyer and a giant baby bird.
Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Kelsey Slaughter
This match ended up being Kelsey’s. She eliminated the Duckboy by actually slaughtering him with Prey Slaughtered. She then moved on to do Prey Slaughtered for the three count on Pig Destroyer too.
#5 Singles Match
This is mainly to see if the Tiny Titan can lift the Thicc Titan. (Spoiler: Yes)
Isabel Ibarra vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
Although Isabel could not defeat Ricc 2 Thicc this time I’d say this is still a defining match for her. Not only could she keep up but we all believed that she could do it right until the end. She whiffed a dive, though, welcime to the dive-whiff club my friend. Toilet’s in the back!
#6 Singles Match
Oh shit! Angus sure has climbed the card! He even gets a Vacation Skeleton match.
Angus McMutton vs. Vacation Skeleton
Oh wow. These just went. We don’t often see Vacation Skeleton give it this much of an effort and it’s been a while since Angus had a really close match. Angus seals the deal with a Ripcord Tru Bru, retaining the cvrsed vnsactioned Pokeymanz Title.
Scene: Angus cut this promo in his native tongue, scottish. It has been translated, here’s the most important bits: Angus recounts the bumpy road he took to get here, how he gave up the rights to the letter g and became Anus McMutton (OHPW does not recognize this in all materials, he’s usually billed as Angus but his nameplate when entering says Anus.) But things are looking up for him, he’s on a winning streak. He announces that it’s finally time to take back the letter G. And what better way to do this than to Challenge Vacant to a Lest Jimmy Standin(g) (Last Man Standing) match. He got him to the count of 6 before. All he wants is to do better than that. He wants to keep VACANT down until the count of 7 to prove that he is better now than when he fell into this void.
#7 Legion Tag Championship
RBF are goin’ back to school. And this time they try to beat it up.
Real Beer Float vs. School of Slam ©
Real Beer Float have been humbled. By Sadim’s Humblemaker. Just how it is. SoS prove to be more formidable champions than the last time they held the titles.
IGgy
August 5, 2020, 5:48pm
#274
Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020
This Saturday we got another of them “PPVs”
Fuck it’s already our 20th PPV. Or Special Event as I call them sometimes. I dunno, I’m not consistent about this.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Florida Man attempts to fight ASS at wrestling show. Ring explodes?
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Florida Man
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
This features former Bunny Champs only!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Anna May vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Palpatine vs. Suzan Blades vs. Roy vs. Hellranger Flamander vs. Fomore ©
#3 Singles Match
After last week Skullistair deserves to kill the business… or a discarded aspect of Dash.
Skullistair vs. A single Husk of Dash chosen by Dash Rendar
#4 Singles Match
They met before. Just not one on one.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man
#5 Singles Match
IGgy sacrifices himself to find a way to not book Dash vs. Vacation Skeleton
Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen
#6 Legion Tag Championships
Thunder and Lightning have been more on their own lately, finally back as a unit!
SHA-MO vs. School of Slam ©
#7 Darkweight Championship
Man, Kelsey’s been slaughtering in her last match. But could we see a return of Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
#8 Lest Jimmy Standing Match
Seven. That’s all Angus wants, to get VACANT down for a count of Seven to get back the G. Maybe he can make it ten.
An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT
#9 Hellweight Championship
Pantha has the longest Hellweight Reign but Grace needs one more win to match it. There could be no better opponent.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson ©
IGgy
August 8, 2020, 7:44pm
#275
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS © vs. Florida Man
#2 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Fomore ©
#3 Skullistair vs. A Husk of Dash
#4 Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man
#5 Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen
#6 SHA-MO vs. School of Slam © for the Legion Titles
#7 Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka © for the Darkweight Title
#8 An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT for the letter G
#9 Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson © for the Hellweight Title
IGgy
August 9, 2020, 10:47am
#276
Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020 - (Twitch VOD)
Week 80: LEST JIMMY STANDING 2020
This Saturday we got another of them “PPVs”
Fuck it’s already our 20th PPV. Or Special Event as I call them sometimes. I dunno, I’m not consistent about this.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Florida Man attempts to fight ASS at wrestling show. Ring explodes?
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Florida Man
It’s a shame Florida man is so tough and doesn’t care too much about getting dropped on a toaster, otherwise ASS would have won. Instead we got the explosion!
#2 Seven Deadly Pins
This features former Bunny Champs only!
Mr. Shakedown vs. Anna May vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. Palpatine vs. Suzan Blades vs. Roy vs. Hellranger Flamander vs. Fomore ©
A who’s who of OHPW Bunny Title history. Notably absent are Black and VACANT as the longest reigning champs. But this match still had the action to befit the lineage of a title that no longer exists. The final three were Mr. Shakedown, Suzan Blades and Flamander. And it could have been any of them. But Flamander, who entered last, was also the last one still in the ring and our new deadliest pinner.
#3 Singles Match
After last week Skullistair deserves to kill the business… or a discarded aspect of Dash.
Skullistair vs. A single Husk of Dash chosen by Dash Rendar
It looked at first as though Skullistair would not be able to get revenge for uh… having to fight four of these fucks. But in the end everything came up Milhouse and the Husk stayed down. We did not feel a strong 9 to a light 10 on this one, though. Dash isn’t worth that.
#4 Singles Match
They met before. Just not one on one.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Family Man
Undeddie wins the match with a Frog Splash! I was feeling a strong 9 to a light 10 on that one cause it’s bone hurting juice.
#5 Singles Match
IGgy sacrifices himself to find a way to not book Dash vs. Vacation Skeleton
Dash Rendar vs. IGgy IGsen
IGgy the coward was too drunk to fight, so instead made IGgy fight for him… wait what? Ah well. Time is bullshit. Dash that fucker won, though.
#6 Legion Tag Championships
Thunder and Lightning have been more on their own lately, finally back as a unit!
SHA-MO vs. School of Slam ©
This almost became the slamfest that it needed to be but then Muscle Wizard had to anticlimactically end the match.
#7 Darkweight Championship
Man, Kelsey’s been slaughtering in her last match. But could we see a return of Deathmatch Kayu?
Kelsey Slaughter vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
Kelsey wanted to play by her rules so she introduced explosions and barbed wire boards to the match. However, Kayu just continued wrestling a normal match, not giving Kelsey much of a chance to get going. Kayu retains the Darkweight once more.
Video Package: Life and Times of Angus McMutton
#8 Lest Jimmy Standing Match
Seven. That’s all Angus wants, to get VACANT down for a count of Seven to get back the G. Maybe he can make it ten.
An(g)us McMutton vs. VACANT
Angus goes down! 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… and he’s up. VACANT is down! 1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… SEVEN! Angus does it. He accomplished his goal. Although, when he went down again it was for the count of ten he still did it. VACANT wins the match. Angus wins the G.
#9 Hellweight Championship
Pantha has the longest Hellweight Reign but Grace needs one more win to match it. There could be no better opponent.
Pantha vs. Grace Thoruson ©
They were doin the moves. The Pantha Claws, the Saving Graces. It took two Saving Graces for Pantha to stay down. Grace wins and matches Panthas reign. Whether she can surpass it is something we’ve yet to see.
IGgy
August 12, 2020, 6:28pm
#277
Week 81: Send in the Clowns
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Fuck Dash.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. A Husk of Dash
#2 Trios Tag Team Match
We haven’t seen either the FOB nor the Union work as a full unit in a while.
Fallout Boys vs. The Union
#3 Singles Match
Oooh, who’s it gonna be? Also it’s Jan’s first singles match period.
A Returning Young Devil vs. Jan Itor
#4 Singles Match
It’s red vs. blue all over again. In case it wasn’t clear, the newcomer is the “red” here.
Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5
#5 Four-Way
I have a feeling that any battle royal with Duck Boy in it will feel like an weird match-up. But this would be weird either way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. George Cluwney vs. Steve Dirt
#6 Singles Match
With the first of his Young Devils returning Freddie is eager to step back into the ring to face them one day.
Freddie Hope vs. Fomore
#7 Legion Tag Team Championships
Much like with Grace and Pantha last week, SoS are about to match the reign of the Grunts.
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam ©
IGgy
August 15, 2020, 7:43pm
#278
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS © vs. A Husk of Dash for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Fallout Boys vs. The Union
#3 SEXTON vs. Jan Itor
#4 Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5
#5 DCB vs. The Duckboy vs. A Cluwne, Steve Dirt
#6 Freddie Hope vs. Fomore
#7 Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam © for the Legion Tag Titles
IGgy
August 16, 2020, 9:03am
#279
Week 81: Send in the Clowns - (Twitch VOD)
Week 81: Send in the Clowns
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Fuck Dash.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. A Husk of Dash
This is bullshit. Fucking dash zombie with a fucking Shadows of the Empire fuck. No, this is garbage. ASS deserves better.
#2 Trios Tag Team Match
We haven’t seen either the FOB nor the Union work as a full unit in a while.
Fallout Boys vs. The Union
Not long till the groin kicks happen. Eventually Mina just sits on someone and somehow wins the match.
Scene: The former Sexton Thicc enters and tells us where he’s been. He’s now Sexton Blud cause some Jerk took the name Thicc. already. Fukken Ricc!
#3 Singles Match
Oooh, who’s it gonna be? Also it’s Jan’s first singles match period.
A Returning Young Devil vs. Jan Itor
Sexton’s return and Jan’s first singles match ever. So it’s hard to tell what to expect. Somehow they have the longest singles match on the card. Only beaten for longest period by two seconds. Which would be the previous tag match. Sexton wins after using his ass for the good of mankind and then following with a fatman press jackhammer.
#4 Singles Match
It’s red vs. blue all over again. In case it wasn’t clear, the newcomer is the “red” here.
Blaze Rider vs. Danny V5
This ALSO went over 20 minutes. Damn. Early on it was more or less even. Then Danny took control over the match until Blaze mounted a comeback, but it wasn’t enough. Danny takes the win.
#5 Four-Way
I have a feeling that any battle royal with Duck Boy in it will feel like an weird match-up. But this would be weird either way.
DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Quackenduckboy Jr. vs. George Cluwney vs. Steve Dirt
Okay, let’s get the most important thing out of the way first: DCB did a “ramp spot” in the vein of EGO. Also the fucking clown wins. The hell?
#6 Singles Match
With the first of his Young Devils returning Freddie is eager to step back into the ring to face them one day.
Freddie Hope vs. Fomore
This would be the main event on any other card. Too bad everyone decided to bring it today. It was still good. Freddie fights back hard but Fomore always gets back in control. Fomore’s style revolves all around slowing the match down until they don’t want it slow anymore. Freddie is back when he gets to control the pace but Fomore is the best counter against him and manages to beat the Legend.
#7 Legion Tag Team Championships
Much like with Grace and Pantha last week, SoS are about to match the reign of the Grunts.
Team Skull Grunts vs. School of Slam ©
Just pulling the band-aid off. SoS win. They match the Grunts’ reign and get a chance to surpass it at the next PPV against… I dunno yet.
IGgy
August 19, 2020, 6:36pm
#280
Week 82: Hangin’ and Slammin’
At this point I can say “usual time” without confusing people over it being earlier than it used to, I think.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
How did ASS get here. She doesn’t deserve this. Samio might. Depends on the time of day.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Super Samio
#2 Tag Team Match
A literally Pineapple and Pizza go against a skeleton and (not) a robot
Pineapple Pizza vs. The Fung Gang (VS + NAR)
#3 Singles Match
At this point it’s become an initiation ritual to face the bear in Kombat.
Sexton Blud vs. Great Maharaja
#4 Four-Way (Elimination)
Uh oh… VACANT didn’t want the Pokeymanz to begin with and wants to get rid of it… but is too proud to lose on purpose.
VACANT vs. Spitbal vs. Lea Lionheart vs. A Mimic
#5 Singles Match
Time to d-d-d-d-duel.
Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka
#6 Singles Match
I always forget which amount of dragon Ryu is. So Maya goes against some amount of dragon greater than 0 but less than or equal to 1.
Actually, it just occured to me that Ryu literally means Dragon.
Maya Northwind vs. Ryu
#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
The first time Fomore challenges for a singles title since losing the Hellweight. Probably Kayu’s toughest defense yet.
Fomore vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
IGgy
August 22, 2020, 7:45pm
#281
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Super Samio for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Pineapple Pizza vs. The Fun Gang
#3 Sexton Blud vs. Great Maharaja
#4 VACANT vs. Spitbal vs. Lea Lionheart vs. A Mimic
#5 Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka
#6 Maya Northwind vs. Ryu
#7 Fomore vs. Kayu Zakisaka © for the Darkweight Title
IGgy
August 23, 2020, 10:09am
#282
Week 82: Hangin’ and Slammin - (Twitch VOD)
Week 82: Hangin’ and Slammin’
At this point I can say “usual time” without confusing people over it being earlier than it used to, I think.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
How did ASS get here. She doesn’t deserve this. Samio might. Depends on the time of day.
Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Super Samio
ASS tries to make a point and doesn’t go for the pin, instead tries to win via submission, however, it was Samio who stole the win just after the buzzer sounded to signal the incoming explosion.
#2 Tag Team Match
A literally Pineapple and Pizza go against a skeleton and (not) a robot
Pineapple Pizza vs. The Fung Gang (VS + NAR)
Pineapple Pizza controlled this match, keeping the Fun Gang in their corner not really letting them cooperate. The Fun Gang could not find a way out of this and Pineapple Pizza won by submitting Nawt A Robutt.
Scene: Some future version of Tara jumps in through time and announces that she’ll be back in OHPW, then an even further in the future version of Tara shows up and tells the first future version that it’s not time yet, the second future version then announces she’ll return to OHPW now, enter a third future version… who tells the second future version it’s not time yet. The third future version waits for a second for a fourth future version to appear but instead the past version in Young Devil gear shows up. Turns out she jumped in too early, it’s still 2019 during Judgement Night. Oops. Gotta adjust and hop in at a later point in time in the bullshit dimension without time.
#3 Singles Match
At this point it’s become an initiation ritual to face the bear in Kombat.
Sexton Blud vs. Great Maharaja
Sexton puts over the bear huge by not squashing him immediately. But then he throws Maharaja a fork. Well, that didn’t do it but the Jackhammer into Fatman Press did it again.
#4 Four-Way (Elimination)
Uh oh… VACANT didn’t want the Pokeymanz to begin with and wants to get rid of it… but is too proud to lose on purpose.
VACANT vs. Spitbal vs. Lea Lionheart vs. A Mimic
VACANT’s first non-singles match and he wins it. Going in seemed like the most reasonable thing to assume that there’s a non-zero chance for him to not win and retain the Pokeymanz. Non-zero was not big enough though. Shockingly, the least likely contender, Mimic, was the last one standing aside from VACANT, before VACANT put the Mimic down too.
#5 Singles Match
Time to d-d-d-d-duel.
Harley Havik vs. Koji Kojinaka
Definitely the MOTN. This match just delivered. After it heated up they hit their finishers on each other and kicked out. At this point we thought the match would now end any second. However it went for a bit, they went outside and Harley introduced a barbed wire bat. That very bat would later be her undoing. Not because Koji swung it, but because it was lying in the ring and Koji locked in an elevated Boston Crab on Harley as she layed on top of the bat and she tapped.
#6 Singles Match
I always forget which amount of dragon Ryu is. So Maya goes against some amount of dragon greater than 0 but less than or equal to 1.
Actually, it just occured to me that Ryu literally means Dragon.
Maya Northwind vs. Ryu
I forgot to point it out, but this was our 666th OHPW match. First Maya tries to play by Ryu’s rules too much, going blow for blow. But since that’s Ryu’s strongest skill that’s a very bad idea. Eventually Maya wisened up and managed to get the win. Ryu never used the Kaiser Claw, though. It could have ended very different.
#7 Underworld Darkweight Title
The first time Fomore challenges for a singles title since losing the Hellweight. Probably Kayu’s toughest defense yet.
Fomore vs. Kayu Zakisaka ©
Fast and hard is not usually something I’d say from a Fomore match, but despite their heavy submission use this match could still be called that. Kayu wins with a springboard version of her finishing move and defeats the former Hellweight Champ via Pinfall.
IGgy
August 26, 2020, 6:38pm
#283
Week 83: Did I forget something?
Oh, this is already our go-home show, apparently. I don’t know what the PPV will be called. Last time I didn’t know the show before I called it Slamarama Dingdong and we all know how that ended.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
God, ASS, I still believe in you! But I guess Roy will just hit the 1% Crit for the first time with your luck.
Arcade Legend ASS vs. Roy
#2 Singles Match
I thought they faced before but they didn’t. Now they will.
Midas Minoson vs. Hayley Simmons
#3 Singles Match
Danny on a hot streak and a Plumeria who stopped giving a crap. What could go wrong?
Danny V5 vs. Plumeria
#4 Singles Match
The first time the Tiny Titan goes against a regular sized person in OHPW. Interesting
Isabel Ibarra vs. Guzma
#5 Legion Tag Title No. 1 Contender Match
Fucking PP dominated Fun Gang. Jerks. And that’s why you should unionize!
Pineapple Pizza vs. The Union
#6 Hellweight No. 1 Contender Match
This match happened before but it was for the Darkweight Title. Now it’s for Hellweight No. 1 Contendership
Maya Northwind vs. Angus McMutton
#7 Seven Deadly Pins
I would not be too shocked to see Flamander defend this title the longest reign of which is one defense long, more than one time.
As it stands this is still his first attempted defense, though.
Rick Wreckage vs. DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Skullistair vs. Harmony Gray vs. Blaze Rider vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Flamander ©
IGgy
August 29, 2020, 7:44pm
#284
Going live now and starting in 15 minutes https://www.twitch.tv/iggy_igsen
Here’s the match card again:
#1 Arcade Legend ASS (“c”) vs. Roy for the Jabroni Royale
#2 Midas Minoson vs. Hayley Simmons
#3 Danny V5 vs. Plumeria
#4 Isabel Ibarra vs. Guzma
#5 Pineapple Pizza vs. The Union
#6 Maya Northwind vs. Angus McMutton
#7 Seven Deadly Pins feat. Flamander ©