Week 78: Book me, coward!
I’ve been talking about “normal timeslots” a lot the last few weeks. But this is the new normal. Get used to it. Or don’t I’m not your boss. I may start PPVs an hour early from now to avoid them running until way past midnight. Anyway, here’s a match card.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Believe it or not, this is actually a rematch from their Hell’s Gate days
Cock Thunder (“c”) vs. Arcade Legend ASS
Neither of those two truly deserve to be here and they fought hard. But it turns out Thunder doing his signature suplex onto a freaking toaster would actually win him the match.
Scene: Flamander just kinda answered questions while lying there on the locker room bench. Talking about his transformation against Bob Sapp and how Bob nearly died.
#2 Singles Match
Florida Man wrestles dead body, gets a couple good hits in.
Undeddie Guerrero vs. Florida Man
Undeddie showing his technical prowess early on only to be out-violenced by Florida Man, Undeddie still prevailed by winning via submission in the end.
#3 Singles Match
Lots of “David vs. Goliath” match-ups lately, but whatchoo gonna do?
Super Samio vs. Midas
Samio shows why she’s super but everything Midas touches turns into gold somehow and he still wins.
#4 Tag Team Match
It’s been 25 weeks since the Skull Bosses tagged. TWENTY-FIVE
Real Beer Float vs. Team Skull Bosses
Although they haven’t tagged in a while the Team Skull Bosses show that not only haven’t they missed a beat but they are back stronger than before. Still, they couldn’t beat RBF. That Canadian Backbreaker from Sgt. Sprinkles just was a tad too much for Guzma to handle before Plumeria could come for the rescue.
#5 Singles Match
Little did Pig Destroyer know, Angus wears a lamb mask for big matches, not a pig one.
Pig Destroyer vs. Angus McMutton
Slamfest. Tru Bru! Oh no it’s the Tru Bru again! Pig Destroyer! Pig Destroyer II! Pig Destroyer again! Tru Bru! No! Ushigoroshi! That’s it finally! Angus wins!
#6 Singles Match
As long as Pantha doesn’t do a Neck Crank Rick stands a chance.
Rick Wreckage vs. Pantha
Pantha finishes Rick in short order, but not for a lack of trying on part of Rick. It just shows why Pantha is still the longest reigning Hellweight champ as of right now.
#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
Seven Deadly Pins, seven ways to win, seven holy paths to hell… and their trip begins.
Agnes Paragon vs. Cheese Pietzza vs. Manic Misanthrope vs. EGO vs. Fomore vs. Boob Marley vs. Ryu vs. Anna May (c)
The 7DP: Chaotic and yet fun, as always. Boob is out first, submission EGO gets DQ’d out of this no DQ match, Pietzza is pinned next, then the Champ Anna May is forced to quit for the love of the art by Fomore. Manic lasted longer than his battle royal record makes you assume. Ryu is then pinned by Agnes. Fomore makes it all the way to the end, submitting Agnes immediately after she pinned Ryu, becoming the deadliest pinner once more.
