Week 73: Nice Guy
Whew, last week was something on multiple levels. Let’s see if we can return to normal after that.
Well, maybe. We got Hayley who’s been in the queue for Jabroni for a while now, unfortunately. I don’t feel it’s her fault but the numbers don’t lie and they spell disaster for her. Well, they spell greater disaster for Plumeria, but we’ll see what that means. Chances are they’ll both explode.
Due to a change in how I’m used at work I likely will run shows an hour earlier than usual soon. That means the original LPFWA timeslot vintage 2015 is coming back. Better for some, worse for others, I reckon. But definitely less of a headache for me. This week, though, will still be at 22:00 GMT, the exact time in your timezone you can see, as usual, following the link above.
Also: The roster has been trimmed down a bit, but there will be new debuts coming soon too. Just to make sure our roster doesn’t shrink to a reasonable size or anything.
Let’s see where this new cycle takes us. The match card, as always, is below:
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Well, it’s an 8 match losing streak vs. a 5 match losing streak, that’s why.
Plumeria (“c”) vs. Hayley Simmons
Another Jabroni Match, another explosion. And they both stay down. At this point, I’m not even excited for an Explosion-chan victory anymore
#2 Singles Match
I like it when the small wrestler goes against the big wrestler.
Maya Northwind vs. Suman
Oh wow, this match went back and it went forth but at the end Maya just kinda went, did all the moves in a row and finished with her run-up senton for the three-count
#3 Tag Team Match
I don’t know how many parts of FOB are dragons. But maybe we can bring it up to 2 total.
1 1/2 Dragons vs. Fallout Boys
Most people thought this would go to the dragons for sure. Most people were wrong. With no one in the match having a neck crank in their moveset Rick can run amok. He was the one to pin Ryu in the end after a seated Superkick
Scene: Spit laments the count-out finish and challenges Vacation Skeleton, VS tries to say no politely bug IGgy interrupts and says it’s booked for the next PPV… poor Dash
#4 Singles Match
There’s no story here, these two just look like they should fight.
Guzma vs. Midas Minoson
Wow, what a shitshow. Guzma has the Grunts in his corner and knows he has a lot of leeway because of it. Midas starts bleeding early too. The match still lasted over 30 minutes somehow. And ended… in a count-out victory for Guzma.
#5 Singles Match
Will Kayu prove herself against the dead ace? Or will he cut her down too? (Get it? His finisher is a cutter! And a cutter generally takes someone down - cut her down… ha!)
Kayu Zakisaka vs. Koji Kojinaka
Koji and Kayu start by pacing themselves. So it comes as a bit of a shock when Kayu starts just wrecking it after a couple minutes and the match ends in just over ten minutes with Kayu as the winner.
#6 Singles Match
Hahaha, get fucked Angus!
Angus McMutton vs. Ricc 2 Thicc
It might not seem like it at first but this match does have some significance. Angus’ loss to VACANT played a significant part in his downfall and Ricc made an example out of VACANT in his first OHPW appearance (that wasn’t the result of a Hell’s Gate tournament)
#7 Seven Deadly Pins
We established that Manic Sucks at everything but singles matches, yet he won the 7DP, the title always fought for in an 8-way battle royal. The hardest title to earn, and even harder to keep. Let’s see if he can stay the Deadliest Pinner.
Malfest Goat-Monster vs. Palpatine vs. Doctor Mutant vs. Arcade Legend ASS vs. Pig Destroyer vs. Jan Itor vs. Super Samio vs. Manic Misanthrope (c)
Even though Manic, by all accounts, sucks at this match type he still made it very far, but couldn’t win. Manic was eliminated, then Samio ate an MGM Outta Nowhere on a freaking toaster and finally it was between Palpy and Goat-Monster. Shocking probably only Palpatine, Goat-Monster won.
