Week 63: Death to Capitalism II
As we prepare for AT DOOM’S GATE 64 Suman attempts to rid himself of the Jabroni Royle once more and his chances seem better than ever. We see Hank Muscles in his first Main Roster singles match against Weeb Weaver. Grace is facing one last challenge before her match with her friend, Harmony Gray. Palpy got to “antagonize” EGO last week and is now leading the oRa 66 against Criminal Sanity. And in our Main event Kayu Zakisaka attempts to defend the Seven Deadly Pins title. And capitalism will literally die! Well, last time we promised that it was also before a PPV called AT DOOM’S GATE and a No Talent Punk got beaten up by a Malfest Goat-Monster so that was disappointing. Fingers crossed for this time.
#1 Jabroni Royale Deathmatch
Suman (“c”) vs. Plumeria
Just gonna rip the band-aid off: Suman wins somehow. I thought he wouldn’t but he did. Congrats to Plumeria, our new Jobber Queen.
#2 Singles Match
Hank Muscles vs. Weeb Weaver
Mmmh, Weeb controlled the match for the most part but then Hank decided to win by count-out.
Scene: Palpy attempts and fails to give a pep talk to the Union Members of the oRa 66
#3 Tag Team Match
Real Beer Float vs. Pineapple Pizza
Lots of back and forth here but the more experienced team made up of food wins.
#4 Singles Match
Grace Thoruson vs. Canada Alderman
If I actually had my bingo sheet up this would have filled the “Main Event level undercard match” square. Grace defeats Canada in her final match before her bout against Harmony. Grace is now on a winning streak of eight matches. The only other people currently on a streak like this are the Team Skull Grunts.
Scene: The Fun Gang have a fun get-together backstage when the Dashosphere appears once again to antagonize the entire team. He challenges all the members to one on one matches, starting with Fomore. If he can beat them all he’ll finally face of in a climatic showdown against Vacation Skeleton, who has no idea what’s even going on.
#5 Chaos Tag Team Match
oRa 66 vs. Criminal Sanity
Right at the start of the match Angus, Mina and Josef abandon Palpy, leaving him to the wolves. Palpy fights back for a bit but he can’t hold out for long.
Scene: The Union is heading back to the locker room when they are approached by N-T Punk, requesting to join the Union. And so they were four.
#6 VACANT Bunny Challenge :3
Florida Man vs. VACANT (c)
Wow, Florida Man shows what he’s made of. Taking all the sick bumps and starts bleeding, still goes on for a while before staying down. VACANT, however, retains.
Scene: Palpatine is dragged in front of the promo wall by Cocademon. Palpy then condems the actions of the vile Union. Though, I’m surprised he’d still remember anything that happened. He challenges the Union to a 2 and 4, foolishly. But then Malfest Goat-Monster shows up and chews Palpy out, announcing he’ll make a one time exception of accompanying that fool into battle.
#7 Seven Deadly Pins Battle Royal
King Skeleton vs. Lemuel Post vs. Anna May vs. Haz Matt vs. Spitbal vs. DivineCoffeeBinge vs. Ricc 2 Thicc vs. Kayu Zaisaka (c)
This match had it all. Chaos. Moves. Wrestlers… that moment where we all thought maybe DCB can win against Ricc 2 Thicc… and then she won against Ricc 2 Thicc! Becoming the new and two time Seven Deadly Pins Champion. Or the Deadliest Pinner.
