Let's Play Dungeons and Dragons, 5th Edition!

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#61

the judgement sections in dragon age inquisition were very entertaining. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbSA9TqjUn8 That aside, since you guys managed to kill the nephew of the red dragon, it might take the PC’s seriously as threats. Kind of hope that the red dragon sounds like the dragon from Dragon’s dogma.


#62

TEXT ONLY UPDATE

The NPCs we know and love have lives and routines, they exist outside their interactions with our Player Characters. If you’ve ever been curious about what your favorite NPC has been up to then this is the LP update for you! It would be a massive undertaking to elaborate in detail every moment of every NPC’s life from birth to present and I am not doing that. Below is just a taste of the kind of antics our NPCs get into, it details some of their interactions with each other during the week-long period of downtime.

The first event happens shortly after Marigold has informed Shae of her mother’s death and left. It Features Shae and Esme.

Reciprocal Caring

Esme: So… how do you feel?
Shae: Come here to rub it in?
Esme: [Softly] Never. You cared about me and I guess I’m all about that reciprocity now. Surprise, I’m here to care about you.
Shae: [Sullenly] I didn’t comfort you as some kind of favor or with any expectations of repayment. You don’t owe me anything.
Esme: It’s not about debt or whatever, we’re friends now bitch and friends are there for each other. What I’m trying to say is I’m totally willing to sit here and talk about everything but what you need to talk about until your date with Marigold.
Shae: I didn’t even know what to say to her. I still don’t know what to say to her. I’m not exactly mad at her, but I’m not not mad either. I don’t want her to regret it. I don’t want her to feel bad. I don’t want her to think she’s a monster or that I don’t like her now. Because I do like her, I like her a lot. I don’t want to put any pressure on her, and if things don’t work out between she and I I’m sure I’ll live… but I don’t even have the words for how badly I want this to work.
Esme: I would just go for it, y’know? Just be like, “We fucking or what?”
Shae: Goooooooooood
Esme: We can get our pay from Vikulg and go over to Sophie’s Exotic Attire…
Shae: Esme please.
Esme: Get you some sexy lingerie. May have to add our own tail hole because I’m not sure about her Tiefling selection.
Shae: Esme no.
Esme: Get you one of those dresses that you can just shrug out of, “Oh whoops, Marigold, I appear to have lost my clothes and also I am in sexy lingerie how clumsy of me.”
Shae: [Agonized] Esme, I’m dying.
Esme: [Small smile] I didn’t really have a close relationship with my family, but it was fine. We were civil, we mostly got along, things got a bit weird and strained when they tried to go forward with my childhood engagement to Diedrich. That’s when I told them to fuck off and that I was gonna go adventuring. The smug look on my father’s face when he told me I’d be back? That’s the last time I spoke to him, that will be my last memory of him. When I heard, I didn’t even believe it. [She sighs] And I wasn’t really in a position to really process it because I was on a mission of Alvoni’s. By the time I got some downtime, it was too late. But…it was a lot of loss, it was my entire family-- from my distant little cousins to my own parents-- gone in an instant. And what am I supposed to do? Avenge them? The storybooks all say when this happens you’re supposed to swear vengeance and seek out vigilante justice but… I don’t know who killed them exactly and I don’t want revenge.
Shae: I don’t want revenge either. I think even if the woman I cared about wasn’t involved I wouldn’t want revenge. [Wryly] Maybe we shouldn’t be taking our cue for what to do about things from story books.
Esme: Maybe. But I’ve gotten a lot of tips from erotica that have really enriched my life.
Shae: I’m happy for you. How do you feel now?
Esme: I’ve had a whole week to process it, Shae.
Shae: Such a luxury.
Esme: [Laughing] I know, right? Right now I just… Shae I’m tired and I feel like shit.
Shae: [Pats beside her on the bed.]
Esme: [Settles in and leans against her] Why are Tieflings so tall?
Shae: It’s the horns, they add a few inches.
Esme: [Quietly] So, how do you feel?
Shae: I don’t really have time to feel anything. In a few hours I have to drop Lilah off with Alvoni and meet up with Marigold and after that I have to teach Vikulg economics and then pick Lilah up and put her to bed and then maybe, just maybe, I’ll have time to feel anything about it.
Esme: By then it’ll be too late.
Shae: I guess, like you, I’ll just bottle it up away somewhere and just go about my life as best I can.
Esme: Extremely healthy choices.
Shae: [Sighs] Yeah…
Esme: Tomorrow, let’s you, Lilah, Arram and I have brunch.
Shae: Why?
Esme: Because we’re friends and you need a distraction.
Shae: …Maybe I just need time to myself.
Esme: Well, if that’s what you need then don’t let me stop you. But Arram and I will be having brunch at the Halfling place in the market district if you change your mind.
Shae: Thanks.
Esme: What are your plans for the date?
Shae: I’m gonna pack us a basket of food and we’re gonna have a picnic at the park. I’m not sure what to ask her, I just want her to tell me about herself. Her past, her likes, her goals and drives. I want to discover more things to like about her.
Esme: Well, I know she likes you. She wouldn’t be pursuing you or bothering with this if she didn’t like you.
Shae: [Standing] Thanks. I better get to packing that picnic basket.
Esme: Yup. [Heading out] Shae… unsolicited advice but you should be more honest to yourself about what your feelings are and tell Marigold how you feel about her.
Shae: Is that what you do for Amnon?
Esme: [Tense expression] Maybe I should.
Shae: Take care, Esme.
Esme: Take care, Shae.

The next event happens on the same day, sometime around when Pelagia usually comes home for lunch. It features Arram, Styx, and Dela an NPC who hasn’t been name dropped in the campaign but has appeared. (She’s the lady who used the Blue Eyes White Dragon in the card game.)

Breaking Cycles

Elder Lady: He’s lurking about again.
Arram, in an apron, baking: Let him lurk.
Elder: It’s cold out there.
Arram: He can breathe fire.
Elder: I just–
Arram: [Sucks in a breath] Look, Dela, I know you mean well but this situation is much more complicated than the little spats you resolve with your grandchildren, ok?
Dela: He’s the only family you have.
Arram: That’s incorrect. Shae told me I can make my own family.
Dela: …She’s not wrong.
Arram: I’m not wrong either.
Dela: You’ve changed.
Arram: Is it good?
Dela: It’s not bad.
Arram: I’m always worried about being bad. Things aren’t always black and white and I’m at this impasse now where I have multiple decisions I could make, many of them objectively right, but some of them are in conflict with each other. What choice do you make when all the right choices don’t align?
Styx, walking in: I’d make the choice that feels the best.
Arram: [Pleased to see him] Styx, what a genuine delight.
Styx: Likewise.
Dela: I guess I’ll go. Arram you’re a good boy, if you’re going to make this choice [gesturing towards the outside where Lukas fumes] you should probably do your best to get closure.
Arram: Perhaps. Thank you, Dela.
Dela: [Heads out]
Styx: So… you’re worried about being a bad guy.
Arram: You’re the one who told me to do this, told me it was the right thing to do, it feels cruel. It feels like I’m doing the wrong thing-- that I’m hurting him.
Styx: Yeah, that’s the abuse conditioning. You’ve spent all your life protecting him and taking care of him and it feels wrong to not be doing that. It’s not gonna be easy. It is gonna hurt. But this is better for you in the long run, you need to liberate yourself from him. And Pelagia would agree with me.
Arram: Would she?
Styx: Absolutely.
Arram: I don’t feel like a good person, doing this.
Styx: Mmhmm, and that’s what tells me, and what should inform you, that you are a good person.
Arram: How so?
Styx: [Shrugging] It’s simple. Bad people don’t worry about whether or not they’re good.
Arram: Do you worry about whether or not you’re good?
Styx: Ha! It’s too late for me. I’m a Bad Guy.
Arram: Nonsense. Most of the bad things you did you did under duress.
Styx: But I did still do them. The gaes does not excuse me. I’m still responsible for those actions.
Arram: But did you enjoy them?
Styx: You think bad people do bad things because they enjoy them? Because it makes them feel good?
Arram: Is that incorrect?
Styx: It’s more complicated than that. Sometimes bad people do bad things because, like me, they don’t really have a choice. Or, like Lukas, they don’t know what a good thing is. Sometimes they do it because it’s the best choice for them. Sometimes you gotta make the wrong decision to get the right outcome. Stuff like that.
Arram: Is that what I’m doing? Making the wrong decision for the right outcome?
Styx: Nah, you’re doing the right thing. But me? Heh… I don’t even know what to do with myself.
Arram: Do what makes you feel good.
Styx: … I don’t even know what that is anymore.
Arram: I think what would make you feel happy is forgiving yourself. Moreover, I think that when people do bad things because they don’t have a choice that they’re not bad. The people, that is, the things they did are still bad.
Styx: So simplistic. Arram I hurt people and just because I didn’t exactly have control over myself when I hurt them doesn’t mean they weren’t hurt. It doesn’t entitle me to forgiveness.
Arram: I’m hurting Lukas.
Styx: That’s different, he hurt you.
Arram: Maybe the cycle of hurting should end with me.
Styx: Great! It’ll continue with him. Don’t enable him.
Arram: …
Styx: This is what ending the cycle of abuse looks like, what it feels like. It dies with you.
Arram: It would die with me if I kept him in my life too.
Styx: Hmm, but then he’d still be hurting you. That’s not how ending works.
Arram: So, when do you end your own cycle of abuse?
Styx: What do you mean?
Arram: When do you stop hurting yourself? Stop punishing yourself?
Styx: …
Arram: [Checking the cooking] You make all these grand statements about how you can’t be excused. About how wrong and bad you are and how much you suck. But in doing that, in just taking ownership in being bad you are excusing yourself. You’re bad and you suck so why work on it? Rather than just flagellating yourself and doing all this performative pentinence, which I’m sure is very healthy and fun, you could take actual ownership and start making personal growth and improvement. But, hey, I get it. Staying in a shitty situation is easier.
Styx: Pelagia’s been a good influence. “The way one shows true remorse is not through apology but through changed behavior.”
Arram: If you wanna feel good about yourself again, you need to forgive yourself. And if you can’t forgive yourself you need to do things that will allow you to forgive yourself. Start by helping the city. Do good things, even if it feels fake, even if it doesn’t feel good. Just keep doing them. Eventually it’ll become a behavior.
Lukas, shouting through the window: You are letting that wench destroy our family, Arram! And for what? For some–
Styx: [LOUDLY] IF YOU CALL HIM A CUCK I AM GOING TO COME OUT THERE.
[Lukas scuttles off]
Arram: [Looking stressed and guilty as he wipes his hands on his apron] Thanks, I think.
Styx: I think kicking your brother’s ass would make me feel better.
Arram: [Fragile smile] Would it really?
Styx: At least temporarily.
Arram: [Washing the dishes] I think, you should focus on less violent ways to make yourself feel better. After all, kicking my brother’s ass isn’t exactly changed behavior.
Styx: …Pelagia’s lucky to have you.
Arram: [Softly] I’m lucky to have her.
Styx: [More forcefully] Pelagia is lucky to have you.
Arram: [Insecure chuckle] Yeah, until she gets bored of me and moves on.
Styx: Then I’ll date you.
Arram: What if I don’t like bad boys?
Styx: Get a dog.
Arram: Styx it was so nice of you to come by.
Styx: [Laughing and taking the hint.] You need to accept that you are worthy of the good things in your life kid. Take care.

The next event happens on the same day, while Marigold and Shae are out on their date. It features Lilah and Alvoni.

Death of the Author

Alvoni: [Lazily] Ok, so what has Lenox been teaching you?
Lilah: We’re learning about cheese again.
Alvoni: Cheese? Why cheese?
Lilah: Because I lied on his paperwork and also cheese is important.
Alvoni: [Amused] How is cheese important?
Lilah: We haven’t gotten to that part yet but I think cheese means different things to different people.
Alvoni: [Chuckling] Ok.
Lilah: I’m serious! Cheese is a statement. It’s not really about the cheese it’s about the person who made the cheese, or drew the cheese, or engraved the cheese. What the cheese meant to them is communicated through the cheese and then we also make our own interpretation.
Alvoni: Sometimes it’s just cheese, Lilah.
Lilah: Is it though? If I drew a picture of a toad and wrote on the picture the words, “This is not a toad” I’m making a statement!
Alvoni: … But it is a toad.
Lilah: No it’s not. It’s a picture of a toad.
Alvoni: If I draw a picture of a boat and write “This is an elephant” on it it doesn’t become a picture of an elephant, it is still a picture of a boat.
Lilah: But people would be looking for the elephant.
Alvoni: There is no elephant.
Lilah: They’d find one. They’d interpret an elephant. They’d make their own elephant. They’d do any other number of things.
Alvoni: That wasn’t my intention.
Lilah: Doesn’t matter. It’s not even about you any more
Alvoni: You just said that what the creator feels about the cheese matters but now it doesn’t matter?
Lilah: Yeah! Art is complicated like that.
Alvoni: What’s cheese mean to you?
Lilah: Right now cheese to me means being disagreeable with you. But if you ask me again at a different time when I’m in a different mood I might think differently about cheese.
Alvoni: Huh.
Lilah: Urist told me this story about an author who sat in on a lecture about his book and the students were getting all these messages and interpretations from it that he didn’t consider…
Alvoni: So he corrected them?
Lilah: What’s there to correct? They weren’t wrong.
Alvoni: But what if they were wrong? What if you wrote a story about the importance of peace and some jerks used it as an excuse to go to war?
Lilah: Wow.
Alvoni: Yeah.
Lilah: I don’t really have control over that.
Alvoni: Yeah.
Lilah: That’s kinda scary.
Alvoni: Yeah.
Lilah: Even if I corrected them they wouldn’t care.
Alvoni: It sucks.
Lilah: It really sucks!
Alvoni: You should still write it though.
Lilah: Oh yeah, absolutely. My statement is important even if folks are gonna be jerks about it. I can’t let the fear of jerks being jerks keep me from making my message.
Alvoni: Exactly.
Lilah: What’s cheese mean to you?
Alvoni: I still think sometimes cheese is just cheese and I’m dying on this hill.
Lilah: [Shrugging] You do you.

This event is the last event to take place on the same day, it happens the night after the dead beholder is teleported away. It features Mimolette and Culver.

Intervention

Mimolette: So, a sorcerer huh?
Culver: Powerful sorcerer! Magic is in my blood.
Mimolette: [Mildly] Can you summon a personality?
Culver: [Coughing, choking on his drink] E-excuse me?!
Mimolette: [Thoughtful] Well, apologizing is a good start but it’s gonna take more than that.
Culver: I… I have a personality!
Mimolette: [Boredly] Being an asshole is not a personality.
Culver: I… whew Brie okay let’s start over.
Mimolette: [Watches him from within her wine glass.]
Culver: I’ve done a lot of good things for people, assholes don’t do that.
Mimolette: [Blandly] If you did those nice things out of the kindness of your own heart you would not use them as bartering tokens to get what you want or brandish them to make yourself look good.
Culver: What about you? Just flinging spells around and making potions?
Mimolette: Is this your “Got’cha”? To try and antagonize me into gloating about my own accomplishments so you can be all, “Oh I guess we’re not so different.” We are very different.
Culver: Why did you even agree to go out with me if you detest me so?
Mimolette: Destest you? Culver, I don’t care about you. I was just hungry.
Culver: I… I’m leaving.
Mimolette: [Shrugging] Nobody was keeping you.
Culver: … This is ridiculous.
Mimolette: [Smiles smugly and knowingly]
Culver: Who are you to judge me?!
Mimolette: [Sips wine, says nothing]
Culver: I… I don’t give a fuck what you think of me.
Mimolette: [Wryly] He said caringly as he cared a whole lot.
Culver: [SEETHES]
Mimolette: [Extremely calm] Has this shit ever worked?
Culver: It’s worked a few times.
Mimolette: You’re alone, that’s not what it working looks like.
Culver: [Petulantly] You’re alone too.
Mimolette: [Raises her glass, cants her head] True. But when I’m alone I’m in good company.
Culver: Brie why are you being like this? Why can’t we just have a nice time?
Mimolette: Because us having a good time together won’t help the people who will have a miserable time around you. And sure, I’m not responsible for you but I have an opportunity here to try to get you to really evaluate yourself and I feel like I should take it.
Culver: I make people miserable?
Mimolette: Because of what you can do folks don’t always have the luxury or ability to have no contact or interaction with you even though that’s what a lot of people would prefer. Nobody looks forward to needing you or seeking help from you. Nobody does it with enthusiasm. Because you’re insufferable.
Culver: Wow, thanks.
Mimolette: Look, at some point you’re going to need to look at all these interactions you’re having with people where you find them annoying and beneath you and realize that the one factor all these interactions had in them wasn’t the people on the other side, it was you.
Culver: What are you trying to say?
Mimolette: I’m saying you’re the problem. You’re the asshole. But it doesn’t have to be this way. You are perfectly capable of being pleasant. I won’t lie, even if you decide to stop being an ass it’s gonna take awhile for folks to come around. But I think it’s worth it and you should consider it. I think you’d be happier to have more pleasant interactions with people.
Culver: … Ok. I’ll try that. What do we do now?
Mimolette: We attempt to have a normal date. I recommend not spending the entire time talking about yourself and instead taking an interest in me and asking me about myself.
Culver: Ok… What’s your favorite part of being an adventurer?

The next event takes place the next day around one in the afternoon and features Esme, Arram, Shae, and Lilah.

Brunch

Arram: So, it’s like, I obviously tricked her.
Shae: [Eating hashbrowns] No more then I tricked Marigold.
Esme: No more then I tricked Amnon.
Arram: …I’m just such trash.
Esme: Whomst among us is not trash?
Lilah: I’m not trash. I don’t think any of you are trash. My mom is definitely not trash.
Shae: [Smiling] Thank you, Lilah.
Esme: [Sagely] The good things that are happening in our lives are happening, not because we’ve tricked or fooled anyone, but because we’re good people and the good people in our lives see that we’re good people.
Shae: [Grunts]
Esme: At some point we need to realize that shitting on ourselves doesn’t help anybody. We have to realize that in tearing ourselves down we are also making a statement about the people we care about. Maybe we should trust their assessment of us, trust them and their taste and opinion of us? Because they’re not shit and we know they’re not shit. That means we can’t really be shit either.
Arram: Maybe Pelagia just likes garbage.
Esme: I think Pelagia likes earnest awkward dorks and I’m not going to kinkshame her.
Arram: She would find you, of all people, kinkshaming her amusing.
Esme: “More of a kink critique really, Pelagia. You could be being so much more kinkier.”
Shae: God.
Esme: Me, having a nice sit down with Marigold and–
Shae: No! No no nononononono. Do not.
Arram: [Drinking milk] How did you get so confident and so self assured?
Esme: [Cutting a pancake into bite-sized pieces] Oh, I just faked it. Faked it until I made it. I’m just winging it all the time.
Shae: I always panic when things go off rails. When I have to start winging it.
Esme: You get better with practice!
Arram: When I winged it I accidentally joined a cult.
Esme: That’s a pretty bad start to winging it and I could see how that would be discouraging. The good news is you’ve established such a low bar now.
Shae: I’m so afraid of screwing up.
Arram: You can’t be so afraid of failure that you don’t even try. Not trying is worse than failing.
Esme: He’s right. Not trying is ultimately just choosing failure. Because time marches on with or without you. Why choose to fail when you can try and maybe succeed?
Shae: Trying and failing has consequences. Not trying and failing does not.
Arram: Not trying and failing just has different consequences. Consequences you’re used to and are comfortable with. But they don’t make you happy.
Lilah: Mom, I think you should do everything you can to be happy and live your best life. It’s what you’d want me to do.
Esme: Yeah, if Lilah was being like you’re being about pursuing her own happiness you’d be all about taking initiative. The same should go for you.
Shae: I don’t like taking risks, that’s why I became an accountant.
Arram: You’re also a Warlock! That means you made some kind of Dark Pact with an entity of dubious morality right? How is that not a risk?
Shae: I made a pact with a Nature Entity, they’re not exactly evil.
Esme: You live in a super urban area and you made a pact with nature?
Shae: Yeah.
Esme: You had an opportunity to make a pact with demons and devils and shit and you made a pact with nature?!
Shae: Why is this so upsetting to you? I didn’t want to be evil.
Esme: Isn’t the whole point of becoming a Warlock to be evil?!
Shae and Arram: No.
Esme: I don’t understand. Why even become a Warlock if you’re not gonna bang Asmodeus?
Arram: Did you bang Lathander when you became a cleric?
Esme: No. But if the opportunity presented itself I wou–
Shae: Can we not talk about this in front of my daughter?
Lilah: [Laughing]
Arram: I learned in Bard College that we all have magic inside us, that everyone is magical, just some of us have an easier time tapping into it than other folks. So if Shae had the ability to be a Warlock and she went for it on her terms. I think that’s commendable.
Shae: Thank you, Arram.
Lilah: Why did you pick Lathander if you wanted to be evil so bad? You could have picked Bane.
Esme: Lathander picked me.
Arram: You’re evading the question. You can convert to whoever.
Esme: [Inhale] I picked Lathander because he suits me. Because what he’s all about appeals to me, that’s how I wanna live my life. I’m not evil and I don’t think I want to be evil. Maybe it seems odd to both of you but I think Lathander has been supporting me all my life. I don’t think I could have gotten through everything I’ve gotten through in the condition I have without him.
Arram: I feel the same way about Eon.
Shae: I don’t wanna invalidate those feelings but you shouldn’t put all the credit for the success on your gods, you did it too.
Lilah: Yeah, when mom gives me a pencil to do the homework that’s helpful but I’m still the one who did the homework. Gods give you the tools to do the thing but you’re still the one that does it.
Arram: Wisdom from the teenager.
Shae: [Grinning] It’s completely on accident, I assure you, but I’m still taking credit for it.
Lilah: Screw you mom! You’re a good person and you made me a good person and you have to accept that! Aaaaa!
Shae: That feel when–
Lilah: Stop it! Don’t make jokes!
Shae: But I’m protecting myself from your affection and gratitude affecting me by making jokes!
Lilah: I JUST WANT YOU TO LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF LIKE YOU DO FOR ME!
Esme and Arram: [Drink and stare into their drinks]
Arram: [Quietly] This drink is good.
Esme: [Quietly, agreeably] Mmm quite good.
Shae: … I’m lucky to have you.
Lilah: [Scoffing] I’m lucky to have you.
Arram: [Diplomatically] Everyone is lucky to have everyone else.
Esme: It’s kinda sad that we’re all like, “I’m so lucky to have had you.” When we should have had people like us in our lives all along.
Shae: Yeah, but we’re not wrong either.
Arram: We’re not wrong.

The next event takes place the day before Marigold takes the team out to kick her rival’s ass. It features Shae and Arram.

Okay.

Shae: Does Pelagia know how you feel about her?
Arram: Uh.
Shae: Better question, do you know how you feel about Pelagia?
Arram: Oh yeah, I’m smitten.
Shae: How did you know? When did you know?
Arram: Ehehehe, it kinda snuck up on me.
Shae: … What is love?
Arram: … I…
Shae: … I’m scared, Arram.
Arram: … It’s okay to be scared. It’s a scary thing. It’s a big and scary thing.
Shae: What if this is just a crush? What if I only want this because I convinced myself I want it? What if–
Arram: Woah. Woah. Look, this shit [he gestures vaguely at everything] did not come with a manual, okay? There’s nothing that says you have to be in love right now, right this moment, or else. There’s nothing that says that whatever this is doesn’t count.
Shae: Ugh.
Arram: My mom would just want to know when I’m having kids.
Shae: Oh God, my mom. [Pained laughter]
Arram: You’re stressing out and complicating all these things and it’s really uncomfortable to watch because you are going through so much. You’re at a buffet and your plate is full and you are trying to put more things on the plate. Please stop.
Shae: Mmm.
Arram: [Softly] My family was horrible to me. I don’t even know how I’d feel if Pelagia killed them.
Shae: [Voice hollow] I don’t feel anything. I’ve tried and tried…
Arram: … I hear you.
Shae: I should feel something and I feel bad for not feeling something.
Arram: I think you’re focusing too much on shoulds and not on what is and you’re just making it worse for yourself. You feel what you feel and that’s okay. Even if what you feel is nothing, nothing is a feeling and that’s okay.
Shae: How do I get over this if I don’t feel anything?
Arram: [Thoughtfully] I guess you just accept it? I don’t know, Shae. I wish I had the answers for you.
Shae: It’s not like I’m not accepting it. My family is dead and I can’t change that.
Arram: Esme’s said pretty much the same thing.
Shae: What did you tell her?
Arram: What did you tell her?
Shae: That she’s not bad for surviving and that she’s loved.
Arram: There you go.
Shae: It didn’t seem to help her.
Arram: [Smiling] I think it helped her a lot.
Shae: Ugh.
Arram: Yeah.
Shae: I’ve just gotta keep going, keep working at my wants and my goals, time isn’t stopping and waiting for me.
Arram: Maybe a funeral would help?
Shae: I don’t think Amnon wants a funeral for them.
Arram: Okay, but what do you want?
Shae: I don’t care what I want.
Arram: You situationally care about what you want.
Shae: In this case, I do not care about what I want. I do care in other situations.
Arram: Maybe it’s less about what you want and more about what you need.
Shae: … I need to go help Vikulg.
Arram: Okay. This isn’t healthy but okay.
Shae: …
Arram: Sometimes it’s okay to not be healthy. Sometimes it’s okay to not be okay.
Shae: [Thickly] Nothing is okay.
Arram: … um… alright.
Shae: [Leaves]
Arram: HECK.

The next event happens on the same day, Alvoni is babysitting Lilah because Shae needs some time alone. The scene features Lilah and Alvoni.

Prisoners of Fate

Lilah: Okay so now that it’s all folded up you shuffle it up, pick one and unfold it, and it tells you your fortune.
Alvoni: But you wrote all the fortunes that you wanted, what if you only put good stuff in there?
Lilah: I think that’s valid and should be encouraged. Wanting good stuff for yourself is good.
Alvoni: Bold statement.
Lilah: [Shuffling the folded paper] Now you’re getting it. Ok, pick.
Alvoni: [Picks arbitrarily.]
Lilah: It says I get to stay up past my bed time.
Alvoni: How is you getting to stay up after bed time my fortune?
Lilah: It’s your destiny. The stars have aligned. Also it says we should get cake.
Alvoni: Every one of those says you get to stay up late don’t they?
Lilah: [Mystically] We will never know. We must only trust ourselves to the unknown whims of the cosmos.
Alvoni: [Smirking] Give me that! [Snatching at it]
Lilah: [Laughing and keeping it away from her] No! We must not meddle in the affairs of fate!

The next happens the night of the above day, when Shae has picked up Lilah and taken her home to put her to bed. It features Shae and Lilah.

Happy Little Accidents

Lilah: Hey mom! Do you want your fortune read?
Shae: [Chuckling fondly] Are you just stalling for time so you can stay up later?
Lilah: [Grinning impishly] Yes. Do you want your fortune read?
Shae: [Kissing her forehead] Ok.
Lilah: [Sits up and shuffles the paper] Ok pick.
Shae: [Makes a big show of contemplating before picking one.]
Lilah: [Opens the fold.] It says that you will find the happiness you’re seeking.
Shae: Hmm, that implies I’m not currently happy.
Lilah: [Wrinkling her nose] You could be happier.
Shae: [Smiling fondly] And maybe I will be.
Lilah: [Earnestly] You will be! The paper says so.
Shae: Mnn… If it happens, then it happens, but I don’t really believe in fate or destiny, sweetheart.
Lilah: Why not?
Shae: Well, maybe don’t tell our more religious friends this but I don’t believe the gods have a plan. In fact, I don’t think they ever had a plan. I don’t think they even know what they’re doing. I think we were all an accident.
Lilah: Why?
Shae: Because that’s what I want to be the truth. Believing this way makes me comfortable.
Lilah: I… don’t see how that is comforting.
Shae: [Checking the clock] If the gods have planned everything out then none of us have any agency. None of us have any power, control, or influence over what happens in our lives as it’s already been decided. I don’t find that comforting. I like the idea that I can change myself, and my life, and that my decisions will be impactful-- that they’ll matter.
Lilah: Maybe it’s not a 100% either or thing though. Maybe it’s a bit of both. Where some things are set in stone and other things aren’t.
Shae: If that’s how you want it to be, if that’s what makes you comfortable sweetie, then don’t let me change your mind. Belief is a very personal thing and I feel everyone has the right to interpret the world and believe what they believe in peace. Nobody should force their beliefs on others. So please, come to your own understanding of things that makes you happy and that you’re comfortable with. But I personally prefer nothing set in stone.
Lilah: …It kinda bothers me that you think we’re an accident and not some beautiful intentful creation.
Shae: I don’t think accidents are any less beautiful than things made with intent. Some of the better things that have happened in my life I’ve attributed to accidents. If you’re painting a painting and you make a mistake you shouldn’t throw the whole thing out. You should embrace it, work with it. In my opinion, our imperfections are some of the most interesting things about us.
Lilah: [Small smile] So you think we were an accident and the gods are just making the best of it?
Shae: Pretty much, yes.
Lilah: Do you think they regret us?
Shae: [Soft laugh] Believing that wouldn’t make me happy, so no. We might frustrate them or disappoint them sometimes. There is a good chance that they want different things for us than we want for ourselves. And if they have the power to force that desired outcome I don’t feel it would be right to do so. That doesn’t show respect or appreciation for us and our agency. I believe the gods care about us and forcing us to do what they want isn’t caring. If anything, it’s an abuse of power and they know better.
Lilah: What about when you force me to go to bed or go to school, isn’t that disrespecting my agency and abusing your power?
Shae: [Delighted chortle] Is this your way of saying I don’t know what’s good for you? That I should just let you stay up as late as you want, drop out of school, and do whatever you want?
Lilah: [Wryly] Respecting my decisions, even if you didn’t agree with them, would be a sign of that caring.
Shae: [Smirking] So, first, I am not a god. I have a responsibility to be a good mom and do my best to raise you right and prepare you for the world. I take that responsibility very seriously. Did you know, when I found you as a toddler, that you hated eating? I had to trick you into eating, come up with ways to make it a fun little game. If I hadn’t, and had just respected your belligerent toddler wishes, well… I don’t want to think about what would have happened.
Lilah: [Scoffing] Mom, I was a baby then, I didn’t know what was best for me. I’m old enough now to be able to make my own decisions though.
Shae: [Warmly] I don’t disagree and I do my best to give you as much freedom as I can to make your own choices. I try to respect those choices. But I still want you to have a good quality of life, Lilah, and I genuinely feel your life will be better with a good education. However, if you truly believe school isn’t what’s best for you I’m willing to listen to you explain why and tell me your plans… in the morning.
Lilah: What if I also think staying up all night is what’s best for me?
Shae: Well, I can’t make you go to sleep. But I’m also not going to stay up all night talking to you and entertaining you because I don’t think staying up all night is good for me. You are free to use a lantern and read or do any number of things you think would entertain you in the church but I would appreciate it if you didn’t go fooling around outside because it’s not safe and I don’t wanna lose you.
Lilah: What if the gods view us as babies?
Shae: [Softly] Honey, I really need to get to sleep soon I’ve got a busy day tomorrow. But I think the gods know what a baby is and what someone old enough to make their own decisions is and that they respect that. In fact, I think the gods largely leave what happens to babies up to their parents.
Lilah: What if… what if they don’t have parents?
Shae: [Soft sound, deep breath] …This is about you isn’t it?
Lilah: [Quietly] I believe the gods lead you to me.
Shae: [Struck speechless]
Lilah: But I feel guilty, because I know some other kids weren’t as fortunate. Some kids don’t get parents and some kids, like Arram, don’t get good parents.
Shae: [Aching sound, gathers Lilah up in her arms]
Lilah: Why was I chosen and not them? What made me worthy and not them?
Shae: [Quietly] Nothing. Sweetheart, you’re not a bad person for being found.
Lilah: [Thickly] It’s not fair.
Shae: [Softly stroking Lilah’s hair] I know… I know…
Lilah: [Choking] Everyone… Everyone should have a parent like you.
Shae: [Blinking back tears] Yeah… yeah…
Lilah: [Weakly] How did you learn to be such a good mom? Did you learn from your mom? And, do these parents who are unkind to their children think they’re loving them?
Shae: [Voice hoarse] …No… my mother did not teach me how to be a good mom. And… I can’t really speak to what the unkind parents think they’re doing. I’d like to believe they know what love and caring looks like but I… I didn’t.
Lilah: …[Squeezing Shae back] But… you did know what it didn’t look like, so you’re just doing the opposite.
Shae: [Raw chuckle] Yeah. I just embraced it, worked with it
Lilah: [Quietly] Happy little accidents.
Shae: [Cuddling her fiercely] Happy little accidents.

This event happens not long before the party heads out to kill Ylveraasahlisar. It features Esme, Arram, and Shae.

The Waiting Game

Esme: [In a low voice] Pretty soon I’ll have to get my crew together and head out to Calimport to fight through god only knows how much bullshit so some assholes don’t lay claim to Ylveraasahlisar’s riches.
Shae: [Softly] Please be careful.
Esme: [Wryly] I’ll do my best. Though, if I’m not careful enough it will take you awhile before you know.
Arram: Whether or not we even know if you fail kinda depends on whether or not our partners and their friends fail. Because if they fail, we’re getting incinerated by a dragon.
Esme: Well, you two are getting incinerated by a dragon. I’ll either die trying to achieve my objective or have to wait until Ylveraasahlisar comes back from torching Almraiven.
Shae: [Quietly] This is such a pleasant conversation.
Esme: It’s a necessary conversation. Necessary conversations aren’t always pleasant.
Arram: [Voice weak] What do we do if they die?
Esme: You already established that we get dragoned.
Arram: What if they kill her but also die? Because I think that’s the most likely of bad outcomes. They would not accept failure.
Esme: I wouldn’t even know their fate until well after I’d either completed or failed my mission… My plan is to just focus on my objective and worry about every thing else later.
Arram: Okay, but once you found out they were dead?
Esme: …I’d probably just pack my grief for Amnon away with my grief for every other tragedy that has befallen me up until this point and spend however long was necessary to ensure his death was not in vain. I’d do my part to help Vikulg realize her vision for Almraiven, which I believe is also his vision for Almraiven, and then… God… [Broken laugh] It’s funny, I haven’t really thought about this and maybe I should have. I don’t doubt I’d go on a self-destructive bender for awhile but I’d like to think I’d eventually just go on trying to live my best life because it’s what he’d want. What about you?
Arram: …Unlike you, I’ve actually thought about this a lot. [Sheepishly] I kind of run it over in my mind at least once a day. So, I know what I’d do. I’d charter a boat across the ocean to the land Pelagia came from, seek out where she was residing, and I’d tell anyone who would listen to me about how wonderful she was, how she was a hero, how…[Choking up] How she changed everyone’s lives.
Shae: [Lightly pats and rubs his back with a sympathetic expression.]
Arram: [After a deep, shuddering breath] And I’d learn everything I could about Eon. Then I’d come back to Almraiven and continue spreading her –our– faith and message. It’s the best way I could think of to honor her.
[A prolonged silence]
Arram: [Weakly] What about you Shae?
Shae: [Quietly] …I’ve been doing everything in my power to not think about this, to not worry about this, it… hasn’t worked. [Taking a deep breath] What I want is what she would have wanted… but she and I never talked about what she would have wanted were this to happen and now… now it’s too late.
Esme: [Softly] You can still do what you best think she’d want and… I think she’d be okay with that.
Shae: [Clearing her throat] …Yeah. I’d start by getting her body or [grimaces] y’know whatever remains of her I could collect. Then I’d travel back to her hometown, introduce myself to her family, and inform them of her fate. If they needed help, I’d give them all they needed to give her a good funeral and assuming… [Her voice tightens] Assuming they’d allow me to be present I’d like to attend it. After that, I’d definitely piss on Zasheir’s grave at least once but then I’m not sure. I’ve got a daughter to take care of and I’ve gotta help Vikulg manage the economy, that should keep me distracted enough.
Arram: She’d probably want you to move on eventually.
Shae: … mm.
[Another long silence]
Shae: I wish…I wish I could go with them, or even with you Esme. I feel so useless.
Arram: I feel the same way. Adventuring really doesn’t suit me but I wish I could do something to help them.
Esme: Neither of you are useless and you are doing something. You’re giving them someone to come home to. That matters a lot.
Arram: I’m glad I decided to try and befriend you two. It’s nice to have people I can talk to about this kind of stuff. People who understand.
Esme: I feel the same.
Shae: Yeah… same here. No matter what happens, let’s stay friends.
[They all nod in agreement.]

I’m not going to make any promises but there is a chance I might do a few more scenes. I’ll update the thread if I do.


#63

Arram: I’ve come to make an announcement. Lukas Redmon is a bitch ass motherfucker, he pissed on my fucking girlfriend. That’s right, he took his dragonborn fucking scaly dick out and he pissed on my fucking girlfriend, and he said his dick was “This Big” and I said “That’s disgusting” so I’m making a callout post on my Twitter.com. Lukas you got a small dick! It’s the size of this walnut except way smaller, and guess what? THIS IS WHAT MY DICK LOOKS LIKE! THAT’S RIGHT BABY! TALL POINTS, NO LOOSE SCALES, NO PILLOWS. LOOK AT THAT, IT LOOKS LIKE TWO BALLS AND A BONG! HE FUCKED MY GIRLFRIEND, SO GUESS WHAT? I’M GONNA FUCK THE EARTH! THAT’S RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET, MY SUPER LASER PISS! EXCEPT I’M NOT GONNA FUCK THE EARTH, I’M GONNA GO HIGHER. I’M PISSING ON THE MOOOOOOOON!!!

Jenner wanted someone else to make a post so she wasn’t flooding the thread, so I decided to make the thread worse out of spite.


#64

Lukas would not remotely survive even attempting to piss on Pelagia.

I could wait until 12:01 am and then upload but fuck it, it’s uploaded now. Have the episode a day early!

Session Nineteen: Dragon Slayer

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#65

It’s TUESDAY so it’s time to update! BEHOLD, THE FINAL SESSION:
Session Twenty: Happily Ever After

I want to thank all my amazing players for being… well… amazing, I’m not sure I deserve them. Your characters were all fantastic and I loved each and every one of them. In fact, I already miss them. I wanna thank our viewer(s) who watched this LP so it wasn’t just us screaming into the void. I hope you enjoyed it!

Every time I run a campaign I go through this seesaw of, “Wow, that was so good how will I ever top that?” and “Oh god, it’s so bad and I’m so ashamed and embarrassed.” And that’s happening now, but I’m currently in the “this was good” phase so I am mostly worried about topping this campaign in the moment. Because this campaign was special. It wasn’t like my Ryuutama campaign or my Monster Hearts campaign because I didn’t plot the whole thing out from the onset. I kind of winged it pretty much the whole time, for better or for worse, and it turned out ok. In particular, I especially love the NPCs and Player Characters from this campaign and I have no idea how I’ll do better in my life.

But I look forward to the challenge.

If you like our content and would like to continue to consume it, we’re continuing our antics by playing Dragon Ball Z OCs in the Fate engine over here In this thread right here, click it! @LoakaMossi is running this one and I’m a player in it but I assure you it’s still very gay and very good.