Man, I feel that so hard.
My favorite, simplest I’m-totally-an-adult cooking-type hack isn’t even really a hack, it’s just a regular old recipe. Spaghetti carbonara; the stuff at restaurants has all sorts of extra shit added in but the recipe I use is basic as all fuck. It serves two but it’s easy to scale up.
First, grate yourself up some parmesan. And I do mean grate it up yourself; that powder shit in the green can won’t fly, it’s like half tree. That shit just straight does not melt; this recipe is quick overall but you’re gonna have to play ball with me on the cheese. To be perfectly honest the recipe calls for a half cup of the cheese but I don’t measure like, at all. I just go with what “looks right.” Beat up three eggs* and mix in the cheese (what “looks right” re: cheese quantity brings the eggs to a thick, chunky paste consistency) and some red pepper flakes or ground cayenne. I also like to add a little paprika but I like to add paprika to a lot of things so your mileage may vary.
Cut up about six slices bacon good and small, then cook it up 'til it’s the crispy you like (or I guess you could cook first if you want). Save back about two tablespoons of the bacon grease; you’ll be adding this too. Tastes good. Meanwhile, get yourself some spaghetti going al dente. Again you can do different if you like but I like al dente. Save at least some of the pasta water.
Here comes the weird part; put the bacon, grease, and pasta straight in the raw eggs. Toss that motherfucker. The hot, hot pasta cooks the eggs and melts the cheese, making a safe and delicious meal you can eat without dying. Then, add a little of the saved pasta water to make your egg sauce creamy. Now eat your delicious breakfast spaghetti.
*I’m bad at measuring pasta, even with one of those guide things, and usually make too much, so I do “n+1” eggs to compensate, n being how many servings of pasta I think I’m making.