Let's Fillet! The Cooking Thread


Pasta is fuckin good, even if you just do like penne with butter salt and pepper its good shit.

Making a Taylor Ham Egg & Cheese sandwich takes about 10 minutes and is delicious.

Those McCormick seasoning marniades for chicken & pork and stuff are pretty handy. Marinate 15 minutes & throw in the oven for 45 and presto you got some chicky.

Boxes of instant mashed potatoes are also super easy to deal with although the texture is a little weird compared to getting down and dirty with the potato masher.

I like to cook for real but I am not made of time and sometimes convenience wins out.


Man, I feel that so hard.

My favorite, simplest I’m-totally-an-adult cooking-type hack isn’t even really a hack, it’s just a regular old recipe. Spaghetti carbonara; the stuff at restaurants has all sorts of extra shit added in but the recipe I use is basic as all fuck. It serves two but it’s easy to scale up.

First, grate yourself up some parmesan. And I do mean grate it up yourself; that powder shit in the green can won’t fly, it’s like half tree. That shit just straight does not melt; this recipe is quick overall but you’re gonna have to play ball with me on the cheese. To be perfectly honest the recipe calls for a half cup of the cheese but I don’t measure like, at all. I just go with what “looks right.” Beat up three eggs* and mix in the cheese (what “looks right” re: cheese quantity brings the eggs to a thick, chunky paste consistency) and some red pepper flakes or ground cayenne. I also like to add a little paprika but I like to add paprika to a lot of things so your mileage may vary.

Cut up about six slices bacon good and small, then cook it up 'til it’s the crispy you like (or I guess you could cook first if you want). Save back about two tablespoons of the bacon grease; you’ll be adding this too. Tastes good. Meanwhile, get yourself some spaghetti going al dente. Again you can do different if you like but I like al dente. Save at least some of the pasta water.

Here comes the weird part; put the bacon, grease, and pasta straight in the raw eggs. Toss that motherfucker. The hot, hot pasta cooks the eggs and melts the cheese, making a safe and delicious meal you can eat without dying. Then, add a little of the saved pasta water to make your egg sauce creamy. Now eat your delicious breakfast spaghetti.

*I’m bad at measuring pasta, even with one of those guide things, and usually make too much, so I do “n+1” eggs to compensate, n being how many servings of pasta I think I’m making.


Lately I’ve gotten super into roasting. It sounds so fancy but all you have to do is rub stuff in oil and bake it at 400F for like, 40-60 minutes. So far I’ve yet to find something that wasn’t incredible roasted. It’s also really easy to prep things for it because you only have to roughly chop them.

I usually do lunch prep for the work on sunday and then eat the same thing each day. One dish I keep returning to is a roasted cauliflower dish I kinda improvised and fell in love with. I don’t have any good photos but it’s super good. Here’s a vague recipe.

Prep: 5 minutes
Cook: 60-65 minutes
Makes about 4-6 servings


  • 1 Large head of cauliflower
  • 1 large onion
  • 1 can of chickpeas, rinsed and dried
  • 3 cloves of minced garlic or equivalent
  • 2 Russet potatoes [more or less? depends how much you like potatoes]
  • Olive oil
  • Seasoning! This is flexible but I use a combination of Adobo, Thyme, Coriander, Chili Powder, Cayenne, Paprika, Salt, Pepper, Black pepper, Garlic powder, Tumeric, Cumin, Oregano, and Cilantro. Sometimes I’ll use seasoning salt instead of Adobo.


  1. Start preheating your oven to 400F
  2. Cut cauliflower into medium-sized florets. Slice onion, doesn’t need to be small. Minced your garlic. Dice your potatoes kinda smaller, cuz you want them cooking a bit quicker than they would if they were the same size of everything else.
  3. Add everything to a baking sheet, with the chickpeas. You don’t need to line it with foil. If you want to add it it wont hurt but because of all the oil it tends to get under the foil anyway. But if you’re afraid of burning things to your pan then go for it.
  4. Toss everything in a bunch of olive oil. Then sprinkle your seasonings and toss it in the seasonings. I really wing this part. You want everything to be coated in oil and seasonings.
  5. Bake in the over for 30 minutes, then remove the pan and stir everything around and put it back in for another 30 minutes.
  6. If you oven has a broil setting, then broil it on high for 2 or so minutes at the end. Optional, but worth it.
  7. You’re done! Serve with yellow rice

Usually I make the rice while I roast the veggies. This is my rice recipe if you want it.

Takes like, half an hour.


  • White rice
  • Chicken bullion [or veggie if you want it vegetarian]
  • Salt
  • Olive Oil
  • Tumeric
  • Cumin
  • 3 Cloves Garlic
  • idk like a cup of Onion (optional), usually I use half of a large or 1 small.
  • 1 Can of pinto beans, rinsed and drained. (optional)

Ratios: Add 1 tsp of bullion for each cup of water. 1 cup of water for each 1/2 cup of rice, and 1tbsp oil for each 1 cup of rice. I usually make a cup and a half of rice, so I add 3 cups water, 3 tsp bullion [you can also just add a cube if you have it in cube form], 1tbsp and a half oil.


  1. Dice your garlic and onion, put aside
  2. Heat enough oil at bottom of the pot to cover it, and tilt pot to get oil around the sides.
  3. On medium-low heat, add garlic, onion, and seasonings. Cook like this until the onions are translucent and your kitchen smells really fucking good. If it starts to smoke then turn the heat down.
  4. Add some of your water and deglaze (scrape) the bottom of the pot before adding the rest of your water.
  5. Bring water to a boil and then dissolve your bouillon in it.
  6. Stir in your rice and your pinto beans with a pinch of salt. Keep stirring it for like some bit of time while it boils just to really get those ingredients mixed.
  7. Cover and reduce heat to low simmer for 20 minutes.
  8. After 20 minutes remove from heat and leave covered for 10 minutes.
  9. Fluff with a fork and add more salt or some cilantro to taste.

People at work make fun of me for eating this rice and cauliflower dish pretty much every day but it’s so fucking good and I never get tired of it so definitely try it out.


First, grate yourself up some parmesan. And I do mean grate it up yourself; that powder shit in the green can won’t fly, it’s like half tree. That shit just straight does not melt; this recipe is quick overall but you’re gonna have to play ball with me on the cheese.

That reminds me: Those of yall in the region of Wegmans (NY/PA/NJ/etc), they have really good value store brand imported parm. It’s not like, lap-of-luxury cheese, but it’s the best value I’ve found for from-Italy parmesan. This is just a plug for Wegmans in general, really. I don’t have a lot of other good grocery stores in my area (choices are Acme, Giant, drive out of my way for Whole Foods / Trader Joes), so when we got a Wegmans it was like the food gods bestowing an ounce of culture to my area. They have a lot of stuff that those other run-of-the-mill stores don’t carry.


I do not have a Wegmans, its pretty much Shop Rite or Weis around here.


Today’s culinary creation: falafel

Turned out much better than I expected, though they probably needed to be cooked for longer. Gonna stick 'em in a pitta with some yoghurt and cucumber tomorrow to see how they hold up.


Made a batch of Stella Park’s (aka Bravetart) Lemon Bars
I highly recommend halving (or even thirding as I did) the custard for those. It’s very tart, and the shortbread gets lost under the original amount. Very delicious though. Just be sure to use non-reactive cookware! Don’t want your beautiful bars tasting like metal. Also, as noted in the recipe, save the rinds for Lemon Syrup!


ooh!!! Nice!! Those falafel look right! Did you use a recipe?


Sort of. I used a recipe for reference (ingredients and whatnot), but ended up mainly winging it in the end.


Cool cool cool. I imagine you used a food processor to grind up the chicpeas? I’ve been considering trying to make some but I’m unsure if I could get away with handgrinding the chicpeas hehe


Oh yeah, food processor all the way. Also, you gotta remember to soak the chickpeas overnight.


ooh that’s very good to know. even if they’re canned?


I dunno. Recipes I looked up said to avoid using canned because the consistency won’t be right and the balls will just fall apart. Probably doable with some binder though.


This was my experience the time I tried to use canned chickpeas. I just ended up with like, heated-up hummus.

There’s a falafel dry mix that I buy sometimes. I can’t remember the brand, but you basically add water, let it sit for about an hour, and then throw it in the deep fryer. It comes out pretty good, and frankly usually it’s better than the stuff they have at one of the greek takeout places here >_>. There’s like 3 or 4 Greek restaurants near my apartment (or 5 if you count the one that’s strictly a bakery), and I’m pretty sure only one of them has actually good falafel somehow.

It’s Ziyad


I finally made tamales for the first time. Making them took goddamn forever but the end result was ~heavenly~ and I ended up with enough for over a week’s worth of meals.

At first I was fine just eating them with hot sauce on top but the next day I decided to go to the store and get some Mexican crema and stuff to make tomatillo salsa for more variety.

In more disturbing news I’ve recently found myself in possession of a bunch of microwave cook books.

I’m honestly considering trying out some of these recipes and posting the results. Cooking muffins, pies, and loaves of bread in a microwave just sounds like such a bad idea I have to try it out.


I used to make those “cake in a coffee mug” microwave recipes when I was a broke-ass college student. They were alright. I’d describe them as more of a bread pudding than a cake, though.


I’m not a student anymore and somewhat not broke-ass and I still go for those to warm me up in the colder months. I’ve dialled it down to one per winter now, though. I mainly enjoy it because it’s a single serving, which is great for living alone and not wanting to have to buy two hundred plastic containers for all the extra food I wind up with when I cook anything.


Austin Walker has betrayed me

Smash that MF like if u kno who the REAL cooking mother is!


I used to make 'em all the time, they’re good. Knew a couple other similar recipes too, like chocolate chip cookie in a mug.


My father who is constantly committing kitchen crimes like NOT SEASONING THINGS made the tastiest chili I’ve ever had last night and I dont know what to do with my life now.