Down, Down, Down By the River: Let's Play Baldur's Gate 3

[Timrod]

Summary

: Welcome back to Baldur’s Gate 3. Today, we’re destroying a hotel and killing a blatant reference. We’ll also kill Ethel for the last time. Fanfiction will be punished.

: The only song will be that fucker’s screams. No lame Disney “power of friendship” song with people shooting magic friendship beams at the big evil cannon.

: Note that the custom shit I wanted to do for this update didn’t work because the game is spaghetti. The official mod tools don’t work on Patch 7. I’ll do a workaround.

: Before we kill Ethel again, there’s a breadcrumb quest we can do for some background. Normally, you’re supposed to find posters for an anti-hag support group and then track them to an abandoned building that tells you to come here.

: We’ll just skip that whole part. In fact, we could go kill Ethel right now if we wanted and skip all of this.

: You can see the gnome standing in the front - that’s the one masked person we saved when we fought Ethel the first time. There’s a scene with her I got once but didn’t have my recording software on.

: How many times have we killed this guy?

: I don’t think.. wait, that is the same guy. What the fuck?

: Look, my contract says I get a minimum of three appearances.

: The cleric will think you’re a hag and try to kill you. You need to make a speech check.. but if you saved the gnome, she’ll speak up if you fail the check.

: She’ll tell us that Mayrina is here and got turned into a sheep.

: We can attack the voodoo doll in the back, which will do some damage to Mayrina but will fix the problem. You can also cast Remove Curse on it.

: We don’t want to do that because it leads to CRAB BATTLE.

: Instead, we want to kill the dragonborn downstairs. He’s one of Ethel’s redcaps in disguise who somehow survived being exterminated the first time.

: It’s definitely a union thing.

: He drops the key to Ethel’s lair, which we know from the rats at Jaheira’s house is in a bar called the Blushing Mermaid. The bar is just around the corner.

: “That lying, thieving, scaly little shit. Thanks for knifing the bastard. That makes twice you’ve saved me. I’m starting to think you’re my guardian angel.”

1. Good to see you again, Mayrina.
2. You made an adorable sheep.
3. This is the last time - I’m tired of having to save people over and over again.

: “Good to see you again, Mayrina. I’ll never forget using that magic staff that made things explode.”

: “You too. I’ve come a long way since we last met. Decided I was sick and tired of feeling stupid. Helpless. So I decided I wasn’t going to be a victim anymore.”

: “This group is made of survivors - people like me who’ve been hurt by hags. I brought them together to fight back. We tracked a hag to the city, but lost her trail - right after she snatched a little girl.”

: “I have a feeling this is going to be another episode of The Writer’s Barely Disguised Fetish.”

: “It already is. The missing girl’s mother is near the Basilisk Gate, at the Flaming Fist’s headquarters. Check out the safe in the back first.”

: The safe in the back has a book about how hags commit vore in order to get pregnant. It also contains abortion pills. No, I am not making any of this up.

: This sounds like someone went down a list of tags on Furaffinity.

[An excerpt from A Hunter’s Guide to Hags by the legendary dwarven ranger Amandine Heartwood. Text in this excerpt has been underlined several times.]

All but the most arrogant of hags, from Night to Bheur, know that death is a possibility. As such, they won’t hesitate to fanfiction their way out of death, returning stronger than ever.

To do this, hags use, of all things, the common and humble mushroom. By imbuing these spore-producing fungi with her essence, she can endlessly revive herself. Neither blade nor bow will do these fungi lasting harm - the very twisted magic that heals the hag defends them.

Instead, fire is your ally. Burn the mushrooms to ashes, and your blade will strike the hag’s heart true. But a warning, hunter - even in death, a hag is dangerous. Be quick, be swift, and be deadly.

: “A hag. Gotta be. I’d better drink some Swallow and get the silver sword ready so I can make a quip about how men are the real monsters.”

: Now, we could go through this entire process to figure out what Ethel is disguised as.. but she’s fanfiction, and fanfiction must be punished.

: The bar isn’t hard to find. It’s a big building with half a boat sticking out of it.

: One of the murder targets is here, and we can warn her to run away.

: There’s supposed to be a whole breadcrumb thing where you talk to Ethel in disguise and she hires you to kill the missing girl’s mother. We’re not doing that in order to avoid fanfiction.

: This wall is an illusion, and now it’s time for a rehashed encounter.

: The enemies here are souped-up versions of the ones we fought in Ethel’s first lair. Normally what happens is you confront Ethel upstairs and she teleports down here and activates the traps.

: Without the traps, this fight is barely a speed bump. One thing to note: like the last fight, one of the masked people can be saved - that being Captain Grisly, which is who Ethel is disguised as.

: I also find out that Astarion’s boots only work once per long rest.

: Pollux maxes out the bonus from Cazador’s dagger and now hits extremely hard. That’s nearly 50 damage from one spell, not counting the shot he gets with his off-hand ranged weapon.

: We knock out Captain Grisly, and now it’s time to enter Ethel’s fanfiction bunker. We’re going to need an elaborate explosive setup.

: There’s a hidden chest in a corner with a scroll of disintegrate in it. I’ll give this to Karlach so she has an option in case she’s too far outside of melee range.

: In the next room, we can open a shortcut to the basement, which has a couple of low-tier explosives in it.

: This fight is a shitfest if you try and take it head-on. Ethel has three mushrooms which give her a total of +15 to all of her saves.

: The mushrooms regenerate all of their health each turn, and there’s three of them. Ethel can’t die as long as the mushrooms are active. If you kill her, she comes back with full HP.

: If you confront Ethel upstairs, she’ll be invisible and waiting in here. The second you engage, she starts shitting out clones - except this time, the clones are invisible. With a +15 to saves, they’re all but immune to See Invisible.

: If you attack one of the mushrooms, Ethel teleports in and the fight starts. Our goal is to blow all three of them up as quickly as possible. Let’s start setting up.

: The mushrooms, being stationary, can’t make saves. Eight wine barrels will do the job. You could probably use fewer, but what else are we gonna use these on?

: We could get Pollux really drunk.

: This one’s set too. Unfortunately, it’s not possible to make a wick to connect the barrel piles. Even a runepowder barrel can’t reach.

: Our weapon of choice is going to be scorching ray, which can hit two sets of barrels at once.

: Keep your highest initiative character here, near this mushroom. The mushroom gives you haste for free, and that’s how we’ll destroy the third mushroom.

: “Now now, petal - that wasn’t very polite.”

: “I killed you once, bitch. Now I’m going to kill you again.”

: “You made a mockery of me, you little shit - besting me in my own home. Did you think I would simply walk away?”

: “You teleported after I put that massive hole in your head, as I recall. Thanks for the free Charisma point.”

: “That said, I’m shocked and appalled, petal. I can’t believe you’d try to gut me out in the open like that! After all, it’s not just me anymore. I’m.. PREGNANT.”

: The game is a little bit confused because it doesn’t expect you to do what we just did.

1. You’re pregnant? Fitting for a shitty fanfiction monster.
2. Liar.
3. Why should I care?

: “Funny how you assume I care. I already know about your stupid mushroom phylactery. It’s over.”

: “The precious, sweet little girl I ate? She’s still alive. Vanra sits in my belly - growing fat with power. In time, I’ll vomit her up, and have myself a fresh young hag to train.”

: “I have you beat - so do the heroic thing. DIE.”

: I didn’t intend to do this, but if you place the barrels just right, Ethel will catch on fire when she spawns in. You can see that she and her clones are all in the same place.

: Because she’s on fire, we know where the real one is.

: Astarion runs into the haste spores, and then blows up the last mushroom, removing the last of Ethel’s fanfiction powers.

: Because he has Haste, Astarion can still attack twice. Pollux follows up, and she’s now down to 25% HP.

: Karlach quickly crafts an abortion pill - this doesn’t take an action. If you forget the ingredients for the abortion pill, you can also knock Ethel unconscious and give her a lethal C-section.

: “NO! MY UNBORN CHILD!”

: “YOU COST ME A FRESH YOUNG HAG! I’M GOING TO PAINT THE WALL WITH YOUR GUTS, YOU LITTLE SHITSTAIN!”

: The little girl runs off, and Karlach cuts Ethel in two.

: This ring is what we came for. It has an effect that the game doesn’t show due to a bug, which as far as I am aware still exists in Patch 8. The hidden effect is a +1 to spell save DC.

: Lyselle now has a spell DC of 26. By the time we reach Raphael, it will be a 28. We need to long rest now to restore our item cooldowns.

: We’ve also eliminated Ethel as an ally, but her ability sucks and we don’t accept fanfiction on the team. There’s no alternate ally if you kill her again.

: And now it’s time to kill the radio asshole.

: Helsik is in this building, which isn’t far from Cazador’s mansion.

: To get Helsik to talk, we need to prove that she’s trafficking items out of hell.

: “Holy shit, they’re real. Torn from a war devil’s skull.”

: Karlach will automatically identify the right items. You can also go upstairs and find one of Helsik’s mammon coins, or just pickpocket/kill Helsik.

: She’ll demand a payment of 20,000 gold, or a pair of Gauntlets of Hill Giant Strength. The gauntlets are useless, so we’ll give her those before we kill her.

: She sells a very useful cloak for Lyselle that completes the “Weave” set.

: "Huh, there’s a note in here. ‘To Stolas, I made a book out of your boyfriend. You asshole.’ "

: We also get a bag full of ingredients and an instruction sheet.

: The mind flayer will bitch about us doing this, but (spoiler alert) we’re going to kill him.

: The diamond and incense go here. It’s funny how wrong they got this. Someone tries to summon me with this, I’d laugh at them.

: The skull and the coin go over here. Don’t mix them up.

: Looks like the radio asshole put in some new furniture. Don’t these pillars remind you of something?

: Put down two of the really good explosive barrels per pillar.

: Extinguish all of the candles, and then use all of those grease bottles you’ve been holding onto to make a wick.

: While we’re at it, let’s store some barrels here to cut down on trips back and forth.

: And there we go. That’s all of them.

: Once we approach the doors, they open and a mysterious NPC appears.

: “I’m here to finish what I started - killing Raphael.”

Narrator: As you speak, you hear a distant rattle of chains, and the woman winces in pain.

: “Shit. He’ll hear me. I need to go.”

Narrator: The figure flickers and starts to dim from view. But you sense she could be convinced to return.

1. Wait - don’t go. Who are you?
2. Please don’t leave.
3. I can help you be free of whoever’s hurting you.

: “Wait - don’t go. Who are you?”

: “Who am I? It’s my favorite question. My name.. is Hope. As in, the House of Hope. What little is left of it, anyway…”

1. I need to find the Orphic Hammer. Can you help?
2. What is this place?
3. Who is your jailor?

: “I need to find the Orphic Hammer. Can you help?”

: “You must be trying to save the captive gith prince. I can help. The hammer is here, in this House. It’s..”

Narrator: You hear a strange sound, and an agonizing scream in your head as Hope flickers from view momentarily.

: “It’s in the archive. Past all the sinners. Oh, fuck! The sinners! You can’t be here!”

: “I need to get you a disguise. Stand still a minute.”

: “There. You should be able to get through to the hammer without anyone attacking you. I need you to listen very carefully.”

: “The hammer is under lock and key in the archive. Find the key and take the hammer. And then.. could you free me?”

: “Of course.”

: “The moment you do, all Hell is going to break loose. The fire will come, and so will Raphael. Be ready to run.”

: “And please.. don’t leave without me.”

: “We won’t! We’ll get you out. I promise.”

Narrator: The strange sound echoes louder, from unseen places. And without a scream or a sigh, Hope disappears.

: They REALLY ripped this shit off.

: Just past where we entered is the room Raphael took Pollux to during that cutscene in Act 1.

: I knew it. The food was rotten garbage the whole time. The booze is still okay, though.

: The House of Hope is a big circle. Most of the doors lead nowhere interesting.

: That hole in the rock.. that looks suspicious. Let’s come back for it later. I want to at least locate the hammer first.

: A few other doors lead to balconies which have pictures of Beta Raphael.

: This door is the one we want to go in, and let me show you why.

: Those faucets give you a free long rest. We can’t get past the barrier yet, but we will soon.

: This gem on one wall is very important. You need a Wisdom check (DC 10) and an Arcana check (DC 20) to unlock it. You only get one attempt per character, so make sure to save.

: Inside are three very important items.

: The Helldusk Helmet is the real deal - it’s an upgraded version of the adamantine helm. This goes on Astarion, because you’ll note that it’s not heavy armor.

: We can also find out that Mol signed a contract with Raphael. We should take it.

: Finally, there’s this staff. We’re going to re-work Pollux’s equipment a bit.

: Pollux gets Markoheshkir and Cazador’s dagger. The reason is because Markoheshkir has an ability called Kereska’s Favor that adds lightning damage to his Eldritch Blast.

: Lyselle can also use that, but not to the extent Pollux can.

: Lyselle instead uses this new staff, which is Markoheshkir with the serial numbers filed off. It can give you a SECOND free 6th-level spell slot, PER CHARACTER.

: She’ll use Wyll’s sword as a secondary, even though she’s not proficient in it: it’s a stat stick for her and nothing more.

: There are also TWO free long rest potions in a locked chest across the hall. We’re definitely not passing those up.

: As we get close to the door to the archive, Hope shows back up. Ignore the door being destroyed, I accidentally attacked one of the sinners and they explode into demons when killed.

: “Psst. Over here!”

: “The hammer is just ahead, in the archive. The only problem is.. you can’t take it yet. Trigger the alarm, and Raphael will come home and kill us all.”

: “The Archivist has the key, but you can’t just kill him. You’ll need to use his weakness against him. Verillius Receptor. She’s a High Inquisitor of Zariel.”

: “She’s the only one officially entitled to audit Raphael’s collection, and as luck would have it, she’s a gigantic overlord who wouldn’t fit in these halls in her true form.”

: “She is known to take on a different guise every time she visits. Play your part well, and you can be one of those guises.”

: We need to go in here to get the key to lower that barrier, and since we’ve already picked up everything else of interest, we’re good to go.

: I should mention that if you need to leave, there are several things that trigger Raphael returning. One is attacking any of the sinners, which we’ve already done. Attacking the Archivist is another, as is picking up the hammer and freeing Charlie Hope.

: The hammer is in that force sphere, and there’s Korilla again.

: “A guest? Are you a client of the master, or a visitor from elsewhere in the Hells? I do not believe you were invited. One moment - I shall consult the guest book.”

: “Hmm.”

Narrator: His eyes flicker back and forth as if he is reading a book. He has the schedule memorized.. or it’s carved into his eyelids.

: Tried that once. There’s no magic precise enough to make it work, plus they can’t see it with their eyes closed.

: “Most irregular. The schedule is all but clear. And yet you are here.”

1. Attack.
2. Are there any highlights in the collection?
3. I’ve come for the Hammer.
4. [DECEPTION] I am Verillius Receptor, Zariel’s High Inquisitor.
5. [DETECT THOUGHTS] Access the schedule by reading his thoughts.
6. Have you ever met Hope?
7. Leave.

: “My name is Verilius Receptor. I’ve come for an inspection.”

: “A thousand apologies, oh majestic magistrate of the infernal court! Your mortal guise is so vile, I found it perfectly convincing. I would prostrate myself before you and kiss your calluses, but my spine is ruptured in a thousand places.”

: “As always, the Archive is yours to peruse. You’ll find everything accounted for, and I can present documents of procurement if necessary.”

1. I’d like to see the Hammer, please.
2. Could I take a look at the Crown of Karsus?
3. I might have to confiscate some of these artefacts.
4. Any new highlights in the collection?
5. Leave.

: “I’d like to see the Hammer.”

: “An exquisite and most unique artefact. Crafted with materials hewn from the depths of the Hells by Raphael’s merregon labor force. As it was created by Raphael himself, we have no documents of procurement, nor do we require any. But if you wish to examine the artefact itself, you are more than welcome.”

: “As part of the special collection, that item is guarded by a masterword that even I do not know. I suggest you wait until Raphael returns, and you can discuss the matter with him. You are welcome to relax in the boudoir until then.”

: We can now bypass that force field and get infinite healing.

: There are no fewer than four goat titties in this room.

: And more long rests in a can. We now have enough for the entire party. If we go into the back..

: “A lost little mouse is running through the house.”

: “Oh gods. What the fuck have I stumbled into?”

: “A thief in the night, greedy and here to take. Why are you here, little thief?”

: “Raphael made a clone of himself to fuck? Your name is even an anagram of Raphael.”

: You can sell your form to the incubus, but Pollux wouldn’t do that. Let’s kill him.

: Oh, right. You can also ask him about Raphael’s sex life. The joke is that Raphael is a premature ejaculator.

: Haarlep has a really annoying ability - every time he gets hit, he goes invincible until his next turn. The good news is that he can’t actually do anything.

: He summons a bunch of imps that spam Eldritch Blast, but we can go all out.

: Pollux maxes out Cazador’s dagger again, cementing himself as the party’s best damage dealer without using limited resources.

: Lyselle uses Ice Storm, which creates a DC 27 pit of ice that Haarlep slips on. This disables his reaction.

: Haarlep drops the Helldusk Gloves, which are going to Lyselle to get her spell DC to 28. This is as high as it is possible to go for a wizard.

: We can disarm the portrait of Beta Raphael to get to his safe. This has the codeword we need for the hammer.

The actors have finally reached Baldur’s Gate, so I can commence the next stage of my play. They have learned the Astral Prism’s secret, but I will tell them that I have the key: the Orphic Hammer, the only thing that can break the prince’s chains. The Hammer will be kept safely in the Archive, protected by a password. What shall it be? Perhaps, ‘Give me my heart’s desire’!

: Before we take the hammer, there are two other items in the archive. One is the gauntlets that Helsik wants.

: You can, of course, just take them - but if you spot the trap underneath them, you can disarm it and take them without setting off the alarm.

: The other item is the amulet of greater health, which sets your constitution to 23. This goes on Karlach.

: There are a bunch of notes strewn about that are multiple pages long and about Raphael torturing Charlie. I’m not going to bother.

: We have nothing left to do, so let’s grab the hammer and start solving Hell’s overpopulation problem.

: “You got what you came for. The moment you step outside this room, everything will be on fire. Raphael is on his way back.”

: “But you can do this. I know it. Come to my prison and break my chains.”

: Once we leave, all of the sinners outside aggro. On their first turn, they explode.

: These spheres are annoying. They’re resistant to everything, have a shitload of HP, and spew fire everywhere.

: With Markoheshkir, Pollux does a shitload of damage.

: We fight a couple of spheres, a boar or two, and some imps.

: At this point, I set up summons and make trips back and forth to the hot tub to heal.

: Hope will show up once you leave the archive and will lead you to her prison, if you don’t already know where it is.

: The prison is in this hole we found earlier. You can come in here earlier if you want, but there’s no reason to because you need the hammer to progress.

: “My body is held in chains just beyond. The whole House is tumbling down, and Raphael is striding across the planes.”

: “Destroy my chains and we’ll make our exit.”

1. Let’s do this.
2. Any advice when it comes to fighting Raphael?
3. I’m getting out of here without you.
4. Leave.

: “Any advice when it comes to fighting Raphael?”

: “Don’t. But if you must, make sure I’m with you.”

: The “jailor” is two spectators that are identical to the one we fought in Act 1 and a group of Eldritch Blast imps. The only thing to watch out for is the imps pushing you off a cliff.

: Keep in mind that you have an opportunity to go back to the hot tub after this, so just go all out and it’s over quickly.

: What the fuck kind of prison design is this?

: At this point, we need to use the hammer’s special attack on the crystals.

: “Free. I never thought I would be. We’ll carve our way to the entrance hall and end Raphael.”

: We now get Hope as a fifth party member. She is a cleric, and has some unique abilities you’ll want to know about. The game gives you a speed bump fight in the dining room to figure these out.

: The first and most powerful is Revoke Guest Status. Hope can use this against any enemy that isn’t Raphael himself to instantly kill them.

: The second is Divine Intervention. It has four possible uses, but this one is by far the best. It regenerates all spell slots, and since Hope is a temporary party member, there’s no reason not to use it.

: If you killed Raphael in Act 1, all you have to do is walk in and punch him. That’s the smart way to do this.

: We also want to move our barrels around just a little.

: Make sure your wizard has Globe of Invulnerability.

: Have Astarion drink any remaining vigilance elixirs, and then turn the music volume to zero.

Narrator: “Time slows for a moment, and the air becomes thicker. The master of the house is coming.”

: “You.”

: “Yurgir!”

: “There are many things in your world that I loathe. Litters of kittens, chattering children - the noise and the chaos of it all. In my world - in my HOUSE - there is order, and there is decorum.”

: “You came here uninvited, and you stole from me. In doing so, you brought the chaos of your world into mine. I will not abide it.”

1. Looks like you’re right - there are no friends in Hell.
2. Your house is in disarray. Your guards couldn’t even stop me from freeing Hope.
3. It’s over, Raphael. You can’t stop me.

: “Looks like you’re right. There are no friends in Hell. Your guards couldn’t stop me. Neither could your weird sex clone. I enjoyed killing him.”

: “And you, Hope. You are such a piteous thing. All it takes is a crumb from the table, and you forget the centuries of starvation. This insolence has earned you centuries more.”

: “I thought no one was beyond redemption. Clearly, I was wrong.”

: “It’s the fatal flaw of mortalkind. Take away their free will, and they call you a tyrant. Allow them to indulge it, and they become tyrants.”

: His own fault for dealing with them.

: “You would have been heroes if you’d only dealt fairly with me. Instead, you’re not so different to doomed Karsus, over-reaching your limits, and burning your world to ash.”

: “You’re wrong. They will save their world, and they will kill you where you stand.”

: “It’s this charming naivety that makes your company such a joy to me, Hope. I’ll even forgive this little rebellion once you’re suitably chastised.”

: “This isn’t a rebellion. This is an uprising.”

: “Then Hope dies today. Commander - you can salvage a trophy from these insects once we’re done.”

: “My name is Yurgir. These insects understand the honor of hunters better than you ever will, trickster. They helped me to eliminate my prey beneath the shadowlands. Prey that you hoped I would never find.”

: “I think you’re fundamentally misunderstanding whose side I’m on. Who do you think helped them find your home?”

: “You did WHAT?! I will make you suffer torments so vile, the hells themselves will shudder to see them. And whatever torments I invent for Yurgir, I will perfect in the centuries I spend toying with your soul.”

: “If you have any last words, make it quick. It will only take a moment to finish you.”

1. I’ve been hoping to kill you ever since I met you.
2. Say nothing.

: “I’ve been hoping to kill you ever since I met you. Just in case that wasn’t obvious.”

: This song sucks and I hate it. I think the writers liked Raphael too much. You can supposedly find somewhere where he writes the lyrics down, but I don’t give a shit.

: Let’s get some more appropriate music for what we’re about to do.

: Just like the radio asshole, this guy’s all talk. He’s a carbon copy of Ethel - he needs his stupid pillars to get anything done.

: He’s got six cambion buddies who are ripe for being banished by Hope.

: Oh, and Yurgir’s here.

: “Okay everyone, we’ll need to hold hands and aim our friendship beams.”

: “You wouldn’t. There are no friends in Hell.”

: “Oh, I think you misunderstood. Astarion, go.”

: “SCORCHING RAY!”

: “NO! MY UNBORN CHILDREN!”

: Pfft. Should’ve saved one of those abortion pills for him.

: If you want Yurgir to survive, consider throwing him a potion.

: Once all his pillars are gone, Raphael unleashes his combat form. He has four charges, and uses those to rip off my Pathfinder character and launch fireballs for 20d6 damage.

: Get the globe up and spread out near the edges so that Raphael can’t get in.

: And now he’s dead. Clean up the cambions and kill Yurgir if you want. Strongest sinner in Hell my ass.

: If Yurgir dies, you can loot his crossbow. Otherwise, he’s an ally for the final battle. I don’t think he gets a stat upgrade for the final fight, so he might not be worth it.

: We also get Raphael’s armor. This goes on Astarion since Karlach is already fire resistant.

1. You should come with me.
2. Where will you go now that you’re free?
3. What will you do?
4. Farewell, and good luck.

: “You should come with me. The portal’s right over there.”

: “No. I’m not leaving. I’ve been here so long that I don’t know where anywhere else is anymore.”

: “With a little sorcery and a thorough cleaning, this could be a lovely hotel. After all, who wouldn’t want a little Hope in Hell?”

: “I hope the echoes of pain will fade, and memories of sorrow will die. I hope you visit me some day, when it can truly be a happy day in Hell.”

: Our reward is a pair of monk gloves we’re never going to use. They can sit in the trash with all the kushigo gear.

: Now that we’re done, I’m sure you’ve noticed my deceptive editing. I didn’t even use the right font. That’s because the font this game uses (Quadraat) has absolutely draconian licensing terms.

: The font is $1,000 to buy - as in, just to have it on your computer. To actually use it on anything? That’ll be another $9,000 minimum because it’s licensed based on lifetime view count.

: In reality, Hope is a dwarf who is INCREDIBLY annoying. She’s written to be insane, and that equates to being a Jhonen Vazquez character and spouting random shit in all caps.

: I edited all of Hope’s dialog, removed all the stupid all-caps screaming, and rewrote some of it to make sense while still saying the same thing.

: My original plan had been to model-edit Hope, but Larian’s shitty editor doesn’t work on Patch 7 and I’d need to make a mod specifically to do that.

: What I did instead was used the custom companion mod, made the fake Hope, and then reloaded my save to hide the portrait on the side.

: There is a mod to edit appearances on the fly, but it doesn’t work on summons or temporary party members and instead crashes the game by teleporting the party to a void.

: This is a letter you get at the end of the game if Hope is still alive. She literally opens the hotel.

: On the way back, we can give Helsik the gauntlets, or just kill her. We have no real use for them - Karlach’s strength is already higher than 23, and no one else uses strength.

: We are now very close to having done everything in the game. There are a handful of sidequests left, as well as going after Orin and Gortash.

: Next time, we’ll do some of the remaining sidequests and consider going through Gortash’s fanfiction factory.

: Oh, and I went back and saved Yurgir.

: “You fought well - we could use such strength in the Blood War. Now I’m free of Raphael’s blasted contract, I can return to the front lines.”

1. I think you’ve earned a break.
2. I have my own frontline to return to, in Baldur’s Gate.
3. Good luck, Yurgir. You’re a fine warrior.
4. You’re not going anywhere - I’m cleansing this place of every devil, you included.

: “I think you’ve earned a break. Why go back to a pointless war?”

: “Hunting shadows in a temple for a hundred years was a break. I’ll have slain a score of demons before you have your next hot meal.”

: “Oh no you’re not. Come on, Yurgir. You’re just misunderstood - you can be good for good.”

: “Why is she singing?”

: “We’re going to THERAPY.”

: “AAAAAAAAAAGH!”

: “I think it’s time to get out of here.”