Down, Down, Down By the River: Let's Play Baldur's Gate 3

[Timrod]

Summary

: Welcome back to Baldur’s Gate 3. Today, we’re going to exterminate the lowest level of Moonrise Towers, and this means going into the shit zone.

: Once you cross the barrier into the shit zone, all lights are automatically extinguished. The building in front of the party is the toll house - we’ll come back for that. There’s a boss in there.

: If we go through the toll house and turn the corner, we find the entrance to Moonrise Towers.

: “Playtime’s over. So perk up your ears - you and the pup have a new mission. Absolute’s cult has gone and grabbed one of Zariel’s assets. A devil - and a powerful one at that.”

: “The asset is you, isn’t it.”

: “They’re locked up in the cult’s fortress. Moonrise Towers. And you’re getting 'em out.”

1. That’s a problem for Wyll, not for me.
2. Forget it. This ‘asset’ can rot in the Towers for all I care.
3. If this devil is so powerful, how did they manage to get captured?

: Her “asset” must really suck if they couldn’t teleport back to Hell or kill themselves to end their summoning. Those stupid imps do it all the time.

: “If this devil is so powerful, how did they manage to get captured? Moreover, why couldn’t they just die and go back to Hell that way? Unless they’re dumb enough to have physically shifted planes, in which case they’re an idiot.”

: "Questions, questions. You’re wasting my time. Let’s see about getting your priorities fixed. Clause Z, Section Thirteen: ‘Should promised soul refuse obeyance or neglect duty, the pact-holder shall cast the promised into Avernus as a lemure.’ "

: Lemures are blobs that used to be mortal souls. They’re not really good for much.

: They’re fanfiction. Everyone knows dead humans go to Hell or Heaven, and half of them end up there for no good reason.

: “I’ll make it simple. Wyll fails or refuses, and he turns into a thick blob of stink-flesh and sinks to Avernus. You either mount a quick rescue, or you condemn Wyll to an eternity sizzling in the Hells. Sounds like an easy choice to me.”

: Even though she says this, there’s no deadline for rescuing the “asset”.

: Outside the front door, there are two cultists. They don’t have much to say, and we can just walk past them.

: Just kidding. They’re going to die. Unfortunately, there are no cheese tactics for this fight that I am aware of.

: The paladin is actually dangerous - he can take anyone but maybe Karlach down in one turn because he gets three attacks and a smite. Kill him first.

: The cleric/warlock is annoying as fuck, but not as dangerous. Hunger of Hadar is a warlock spell that is essentially Darkness except it does damage.

: We take some damage, but everything goes down. Of note is that every cleric in this area has Death Ward, which blocks them from going down once.

: The front room has a bunch of cultists in it, as well as the Zhentarim traders from the goblin camp. The bugbear on the right has an interesting weapon, which we’ll.. relieve him of.. in a bit.

: For now though, we want to go through the double doors. I recorded going right to the prison and exterminating, but that breaks a cutscene in the prison.

: (There’s that goblin. No surprise she got captured a third time. And is that.. that’s impossible!)

: “Astarion, you were there when we exterminated the goblins. How is Minthara still alive?”

: “I.. I have no idea. I jammed my sword through her chest, straight through her heart. There’s no way she survived that.”

: “I looted her afterward, and she definitely wasn’t breathing. I remember how much blood she’d lost. I remember taking her clothes, too. Where’d she get the new ones?”

: “Something is very wrong here. I’ve heard tales like this, and none of them end well. Send word back to the inn. Either we’ve got a very powerful undead on our hands..”

: “It could be Cazador!”

: “Right. Lyselle, go let Jaheira know. I expect we’ll be a minute.”

: “On it.”

: “I will not be slandered! General, you saw my reports - you know it’s not my fault!”

: “The facts suggest otherwise. You were ordered to retrieve the artefact - you failed to do so.”

: “If I had been given drow warriors instead of goblin trash -”

Drenn: Oi, what?!

: “You scrag!”

: (Right. I forgot, we let a couple of the goblins go in order to get Barcus off that windmill. I recognize the male goblin, he’s the one with the axe. Who are the rest?)

: “ENOUGH!”

Narrator: A blast of mental energy washes over you, filling the room. Your tadpole squirms, urging you to obey.

: This one goblin is the only person not hit by it.

: “Let me make sure I understand this - you’re claiming that General Thorm gave you the wrong soldiers?”

: “Yes - no!”

: “You blame the Absolute’s Chosen for your failure?”

: "Of course it is not the general’s fault - "

: “Whose, then?”

1. Stay silent, simply watching.
2. [WISDOM] Use your power to influence Minthara - try to force her to admit her guilt.
3. [WISDOM] Mentally influence Z’rell - make her show Minthara mercy.
4. [WISDOM] Try to force your will on Ketheric - push him to declare Minthara innocent.

: None of these checks matter. Pollux managed to pull off option 3 with a single re-roll, which he’ll get back immediately.

Narrator: Z’rell’s mind is a steel trap, but you cautiously ease your way in. You just need to shift her focus a little…

: “I’m being unkind. Anyone might have struggled with such imperfect tools - goblins are prone to failure.”

: “I - yes! It’s the goblin’s fault. They failed you, General, not me.”

: “General?”

: “Take Minthara below. Someone will have to consider her fate.”

: “No. Please, mercy! Please!”

Drenn: “Ha! Bye-bye, princess.”

: (Something is definitely wrong. Even if someone had secretly revived her, Minthara would know that we were the ones who foiled her plan. All she’d have to do is point us out to Ketheric, he’d read our parasites, and that’d be it.)

: “And the goblins, General?”

: “You. True Soul. You have seen what these creatures are capable of, and you have seen their inadequacies - isn’t that so? What is your judgement?”

: “You! Me old mate that saved me from the tieflings -”

: “ENOUGH! True Soul - tell the General how the goblins served our cause.”

1. They’re faithful soldiers. You should set them free.
2. I saw the horrors they committed in the Absolute’s name.
3. Just kill them - they’re worthless.
4. Attack the half-orc and the general.

: It’s possible to go loud here and win, but only if you’ve set up explosives in advance and have a means of teleporting everyone out.

: We’re going to free the goblins. Why? Because there’s an achievement for it.

: “They’re faithful soldiers. You should set them free (so that I can complete the extermination.)”

: “Exactly ! 'S what I told 'em, but would they listen?”

: “Faith without action is anemic, sickly. In a word, useless. We are too close to the ending - and the new beginning. I can coddle failure no longer. Kill them. Quickly.”

: “What? No!”

Drenn: “You creaking old bag of shit!”

: The goblin throws a.. I think that’s a halberd.. and impales Ketheric on it. He just rips it out, because Ketheric is a being of pure fanfiction.

: “I’m so sorry, my lord. She’s an unbeliever - outside my control.”

: “Try again.”

: Oh look at me, I’m such a badass, I can take a halberd blade to the neck and regenerate. Bitch.

: Ketheric volleyball spikes the goblin to death.

: “Dispose of the rest as you see fit. Or better yet - put that True Soul to use. You have far more important matters to attend to - or have you forgotten?”

: “Of course not, my lord. Thank you.”

: “You heard the General. The goblins are yours - deal with them however you wish. Here, in the seat of the Absolute’s power, your authority over them is complete. They will obey any command.”

: “You wouldn’t hurt me, would you? We’re mates, me and you. Practically family!”

1. Spill your guts on the floor. I want to see you bleed.
2. Not another word. In fact, not another breath from any of you.
3. I’ll give you a fair chance. Fight me - you either die, or you kill me and you’re free to leave.
4. Guards. Release them.

: “Guards. Release them.”

: “You won’t regret this. Praise the Absolute!”

: Pollux can get one of two inspirations here: one is called A Velvet Glove (for sparing the goblins) and the other is called An Iron Fist.

: “Sazza. Before you leave, I need to know something. When we took you to the goblin camp, had you met Minthara before?”

: “Wot? Of course I did, just the once. Took a party of our best raiders, she did. Out to go find the artifact. When you took me back, that was the first time anyone’d seen her in weeks.”

: “Woz odd too, 'cause she didn’t come back with the raiders. Didn’t see them until we all headed out here.”

: (I think I have a theory, but I don’t know how to act on it just yet. We need to find Minthara, and that means raiding the prison.)

: That’s for betraying me. Twice. Did you REALLY think I was going to let any of you live?

: We finally get Fezzerk’s axe a good twenty hours later. It’s useless now, it was useless then, but we can sell it. More importantly, we get EXP for killing him - meaning we’ve gotten EXP off him twice, once in Act 1 and once here.

:Now we’re in the prison. The prison is a “stealth” segment of sorts that you can get through without necessarily killing everyone.

: However, there’s a chance if we do it that way that one of the tieflings could die. You still get the full reward even if this happens, but we want that achievement.

: Right away, we spot the most annoying part of the prison: two scrying eyes. On balanced, where they don’t have their bullshit damage negation, they’re not too bad to deal with.

: On tactician or honor mode, it becomes a nightmare of waiting for RNG so you can throw them off a cliff.

: Minthara is in a side room getting tortured. I’m pretty sure you can close the door to the torture room and kill the torturers without the eyes noticing, but it’s not worth the risk.

: If you have good RNG, the eyes will split up and have their patrol routes become desynchronized. This allows you to push or throw them through the hole in the fence.

: On my first run, I had good RNG. Not so much on this run. Instead, I opt for a backup strategy.

: On balanced, you can kill them easily with a lightning bolt, since they have a fixed patrol route. You do have to finagle it a bit to avoid hitting the tieflings. This doesn’t work on tactician, but unless you want a video of me trying to manipulate RNG for 20 minutes, I’m not going to bother showing it.

: Killing the eyes causes this cleric to go aggro, but we put her down before she can do anything. At this point, we could probably talk to the prisoners and get them out.

: Look at this guy though. He’s all alone, wearing 400 gold of armor and another 100 GP of weapons, and practically begging someone to end his miserable existence. Would we really abandon a friend in need?

: No, we wouldn’t.

: Now what do we have here? That looks like two paladins standing on top of a staircase that is their only means of ingress. I think you all know what we’re doing here.

: Is this going to be another elaborately crafted wall of garbage?

: You bet. The prison is full of boxes and barrels, and we can use those to start walling them off. Fun fact about paladins: they’re only a threat in melee. They can’t smite from range.

: Paladin smite was INCREDIBLY powerful in 3.5E. You could only use it multiple times a day at higher levels, and it added your paladin level to all damage rolls, and your charisma modifier to all attack rolls against a single evil creature. Paladins can innately sense evil.

: 5E 2014 nerfed smite significantly. It now only works in melee, does a flat +2d8 radiant damage (more if you use a higher-level spell slot, but paladins have garbage spell progression) and doesn’t provide a bonus to attack rolls.

: 5E 2024 absolutely NEUTERED smite. It’s no longer a paladin ability - it’s a spell. It is still melee-only and still only adds a flat 2d8 damage, but also now takes a bonus action to cast.

: We’ll finish the wall in a second. First, we’re going to take out the torturers. Make sure you put away any valuable potions or scrolls before engaging them.

Questioner Sumera: "You were adored, Minthara. Brought up from the darkness, and into the Absolute’s light. She cherished you. But it wasn’t enough - you were distracted by your own desires. Bloodlust. Murder. Chaos. And most damning of all, an inability to follow orders.

: I’ll just paraphrase the scene: Minthara gets tortured. You get the ability to go into her head and “erase” her yourself.

: “You know, I wonder if I could.. maybe not erase her, but make her less evil, or something? Let’s try it and see what happens.”

: The torturers have one gimmick: Confusion. They’ll almost always hit with it, and there’s a chance whoever’s hit by it will waste expensive potions or scrolls.

: No one said it was a good gimmick. Now that we’ve cleared these out, it’s time to kill the guards outside.

: First, we finish off the barricade.

: There’s a cleric in the corner, and if you get lucky, you can kill him without the paladins seeing you. Even if they do, they’re impotent at range.

: There’s also a chance the paladins will jump through the barricade and smite Astarion, but most of the time it works.

: With everyone else dead we can focus our attention on the warden, who occupies the building in the center. She has an item we want.

: She’ll tell us we can’t talk to the prisoners, and ask for a bribe. If you give it to her, you get an inspiration for anyone with the Noble background (which Pollux and Minthara have). She’ll take your money and tell you to fuck off.

The Warden: “I’m afraid none, no matter how generous, may speak to the prisoners. The Absolute thanks you for this generous donation, True Soul. You can go now.”

: “I think I’ll just exterminate you instead.”

: The warden isn’t a hard fight, and gives us one of the best items in the game for casters - the Spellcrux Amulet. This lets you restore any spell slot of any level once per long rest.

: The reason this is so important is because even wizards can’t restore their one 6th-level spell slot, so this allows us to cast two 6th-level spells per rest.

: We also get our money back and a short rest in a can.

: One way to solve the quest is to use these levers to unlock the cell doors. This is a viable option if you don’t have Minthara. It causes the prisoners to walk out the doors behind where our barricade is.

: The reason we don’t want to do this is because there are more guards outside, and they’ll get in the way unless we kill them. We’re going to kill them, but first we’ll secure our escape route.

: This room up the ladder is optional. There’s another eye, which Lyselle and Pollux take out with force damage because we’re on balanced.

: There’s a hammer up here that belongs to Wulbren, as well as some potions and vendor trash. The hammer is entirely optional.

: “Nimble! Check for gaps, cracks - anything to leverage the rock. Nickels: tools - get creative. This rock is basalt, it’ll crack with enough pressure.”

: “Ah! Don’t mind us, True Soul. The back wall is weak - we’re working to brace it.”

1. You’re clearly planning an escape.
2. Shh. I’m going to get you out of here.
3. Don’t bother trying - you’re going to die here.

: “Did you not see us kill every guard in the area? I’m going to get you out of here.”

: “Huh. And why would you be so inclined?”

: There’s supposed to be an option here to tell him Barcus sent you, but for some reason it doesn’t show up.

1. [PERSUASION] I know the tieflings imprisoned here - I want to break you all out.
2. [PERSUASION] My mind is my own - the Absolute has no control over me.
3. [DECEPTION] I’m an undercover agent for the Flaming Fist.
4. Fine, die in here for all I care.

: “Your boyfriend sent me.”

: “Barcus did? Then I reckon you and I were meant to meet. I’m Wulbren.”

1. I’m Pollux - pleasure to meet you.
2. Let’s talk escape plan - what do you need?
3. How did you end up here?

: “Let’s talk escape plan. What do you need? I mean, just in case I don’t find a key. None of the guards we killed had one.”

: “We’ve got a plan, for us and the tieflings both, but we’re scuppered without the right equipment. We need tools. That headcase of a Warden robbed ours, but anything that breaks rocks will do - even if it’s not Ironhand quality.”

: “Whatever you find, throw it through the bars. But for the love of Gaerdal, make sure a guard doesn’t see you - or we’re both done for.”

: Because we talked to the prisoners without getting guard aggro, we get an inspiration for Astarion.

: “I found your hammer. Let’s get moving.”

: “Blessed Gaerdal, I never though I’d see it again. Thank you. The plan is to wait for a quiet moment, then bust out the back wall. We’ll grab the tieflings along the way - we’ll need 'em if it comes to a fight.”

: “It won’t. All the guards are dead.”

: Ordinarily, what happens is that the gnomes smash the wall down - you can give them any blunt weapon at all and they’ll do it, but Wulbren’s hammer is faster.

: At that point, the eyes alert and the guards attack. There are a couple of ways into the cell, but we already know the fastest one: using the lever in the warden’s office.

: The gnomes then loop around the cave to the back of the cell with the tieflings in it and free them.

: At this point, we’d have to defend the gnomes while they break the boat loose, and then make our escape.

: The thing is, no one does it this way because of the sheer number of workarounds. You can kill everyone in advance, like we did. You can also sneak a character to the boat and break it free yourself without the eyes noticing. Or..

: Most of the NPCs here are stationary, or close to it. We also have two fast travel points in the same zone.

: Are we going to kidnap them all?

: This isn’t nearly as easy as killing everything, but if you can’t kill the eyes, you can kidnap the NPCs and bring them somewhere else. This will immediately initiate combat.

: If you use the warp point at Moonrise instead of this one, you can set up explosives and have the party waiting to blow them up, which is an easy way to get the warden’s necklace.

: I didn’t test it but as far as I can tell, the NPCs inside Moonrise have no immunity to the curse, so you can lure them (or throw them) into the curse zone and they’ll die.

: “Boat’s good to go - all that’s left is to ship off. My plan, for now, is to hide out on the water. Unless you have a better idea?”

: “I’ll come with you. I know a place called the Last Light Inn. You’ll be safe there, especially since we just killed the traitor.”

: The reason we’re escaping this way is because of Minthara. With Minthara in the party, you can’t fast-travel. You have to either make dialog checks to leave through the front, or go through the dock area behind the prison.

Narrator: You drift through the dark until time, skill, or luck brings you to Last Light’s dock.

Harper Arthus: “Hold there! You can’t just land and start unloading strangers - there are procedures, damn it. No one gets in without being tested - Commander Jaheira’s orders.”

1. We just escaped the Absolute - these people need sanctuary, not ‘procedures’.
2. Jaheira ordered all Harpers to let me come and go as needed.
3. I passed your damn test already. I remember the vines vividly.
4. Fine, test them.

: “We just escaped the Absolute - these people need sanctuary, not ‘procedures’.”

Harper Arthus: “And they’ll have it, once we know they’re free from infection. Here, form a line. Let’s see if the Absolute’s little pet recognizes any of you.”

: “The Absolute’s what? What are you doing?”

1. He only want to see if you’re infected. It’s safe, I promise.
2. Just do as he says. Trust me, this is the easy way.
3. You didn’t think you’d escaped, did you? No one escapes the Absolute.

: “He only wants to see if you’re infected. It’s safe, I promise.”

Harper Arthus: “If what you’ve said is true, no one has anything to fear. If not - well, we’ll soon find out.”

: “I last left Moonrise as a commander in the Absolute’s army, obeying the voice of a god. I thought I had found a home.. and a purpose. Now I leave as an exile. But you risked your life to rescue me - for that, I am grateful.”

: Not shown: Minthara getting a psychic plot dump.

: “There is much we must discuss. Do you have safe place to camp nearby?”

1. Tell her where to find your camp.
2. I freed you, Minthara, but you’re on your own now.
3. No. I only saved you for the pleasure of killing you myself.

: “Here’s the location of our camp. I have just one question. Why didn’t you tell Ketheric about us killing you in the goblin camp?”

: “Killing me? I was never in the goblin camp. That incompetent excuse for a goblin raiding party spent two weeks leading me on a fruitless hunt in the woods for the artifact.”

: (I knew it. Two Mintharas. The only question is.. is this the real one? Or the fake?)

: The first thing we need to do is talk to Alfira again to get the item that makes Pollux viable.

: “You’re here. You’re all right - how?”

: “We’re ‘two tiefling queens’, remember? I couldn’t leave my favorite bard without her partner in crime. I did have some help from an old friend, though.”

: (We really need to steal all that booze in the background.)

: “How did you do it?”

1. By doing what I do best - being a hero.
2. I was in Moonrise and I just happened to run into her.
3. Killing everyone who got in my way.
4. Honestly? Sheer dumb luck.
5. [BARD] I’d tell you, but that would spoil the song I’m writing about it.

: “By doing what I do best - being a hero. And building intricate walls of wooden containers.”

: “If it was anyone else, I’d be skeptical - but you? You’ve more than earned the title.”

: “You should have seen him. He was brave but also terrifying - in a good way.”

: “I never thought I’d see… well, anyone, again. Thank you - a thousand times, thank you. One last favor? Take this off my hands - it suits you better.”

: This is the single best armor for Pollux’s specific build (and for any Eldritch Blast builds in general). It effectively gives Pollux two levels in warlock for free.

: We can now toss the hand crossbows and run with only eldritch blast. We can also talk to Barcus to get our reward from him.

: “Wulbren!”

: “Ah. I’d heard you might be about. How the devil did you get stuck here, Barcus?”

: “I’m not stuck. I came to find you, of course.”

: “Why would you do a foolish thing like that? Really, Barcus.”

: “Unfortunately for me, you’re my friend. Rescuing you from mortal peril is my right.”

: “But you didn’t rescue me, did you? I rescued myself, with the aid of this - helper.”

: “Ah - it’s you! I should’ve guessed. Thank you very much for your help finding Wulbren!”

: “You don’t belong here, Barcus. Soon as the way is clear, pack up and head to Baldur’s Gate.”

: “But - Wulbren - the runepowder. We need to discuss what you’re going to-”

: “I said GO HOME!”

1. You don’t know what Barcus has gone through to find you.
2. He’s got a point, Barcus.
3. Prick.

: “You don’t know what Barcus has gone through to find you.”

: “Please - that isn’t necessary.”

: “Indeed. Neither of you has any clue what’s at stake - and why should you? It’s Ironhand Gnome business. If you’ll excuse me, I have a great deal to do.”

: “Well! There we have it. Wulbren is safe and sound, thanks to you. I owe you a great deal. The Brilliant Retort for starters. Here you are, as promised.”

: “Now! I believe our business is well and truly concluded.”

1. You don’t owe me, Barcus. If anything, Wulbren does.
2. Wulbren seems like a real asshole.
3. What will you do now, Barcus?

: “Wulbren seems like a real asshole.”

: “Don’t judge him too harshly. He’s been through a lot. When he’s had some rest, he’ll be back to his usual self.”

1. You really care about him, don’t you.
2. Your relationship seems rather one-sided.
3. Leave.

: “Your relationship seems rather one-sided. I think you should find a more caring boyfriend.”

: “Nonsense! When you’ve known each other as long as we have, there aren’t sides. Wulbren can be a little sharp, but so can I - you should know that better than anyone.”

: “What will you do now?”

: “Well! Perhaps Wulbren is right. Perhaps I ought to return to Baldur’s Gate.”

1. Good idea.
2. That’ll have to wait - it’s lethal out there.
3. Why don’t you join my camp once we’re ready to leave these lands?
4. Leave.

: “Why don’t you join my camp once we’re ready to leave these lands?”

: “Hm. Perhaps I will. Yes, that’s a nice idea. Thank you.”

: He gives us a grenade that has a chance to silence. It’s useless. The real reward for this quest is that it unlocks a quest in Act 3 that gives us three more runepowder barrels.

: I already recorded killing all the enemies at the dock in Moonrise before coming back, so let’s test Pollux’s new robe on something easy. But first..

: We’ve hit 8th level. There’s not much new here, but Pollux gets Freedom of Movement and another stat increase.

: On the way out, there’s another tiefling we can talk to.

: “You’re all right. My gods, you’re all right!”

: “Come here, darling.”

: “I was so scared I’d lost you.”

: “Me too. But we’re here now. Safe.”

1. Smile. They look happy.
2. Don’t get too comfortable. We won’t be safe here for long.
3. A beautiful sight, and all thanks to me.
4. Leave.

: “It’s wonderful to see you back together.”

: “Credit where it’s due - Bex, this is the one who helped me and the others escape.”

: “This isn’t the first time you’ve helped us - saved our lives, really. Why?”

1. You were in trouble. I wanted to help. Simple as that.
2. For the experience, I guess.
3. It was convenient. Next time, it might not be.

: “You make it sound so easy. But I know the lengths you’ve gone to on our behalf. We’ll never forget it. Never ever.”

: That’s so cute!

: If we head out toward Moonrise, there’s this area with a bunch of magic torches. This is the route we need to take to save a tiefling.

: This building is entirely optional and has a fight that’s probably not worth doing, especially on tactician. The enemies are hidden unless someone spots them.

: Pollux hits MUCH harder now, and gets a off-hand shot with his hand crossbow on top of that. These things have a dumb gimmick.

: They can teleport between shadows, and then garrote people with a rope to silence them. On tactician, this also stops movement.

: Karlach shows off the halberd I got off that merchant in Moonrise by giving him all the armor we stole off the dead bodies. It hits HARD.

: There’s not much here apart from these gloves, which are okay if you’re planning on using Spirit Guardians a lot.

Moonmaiden, protect those who would not turn from you, no matter the consequence in this short life. Keep these artifacts of our devotion until such a time as we may openly infuse our spirits with your white light once more. Grant cunning to my brother, Halfred, in his efforts to conceal the rest of your relics. Let the name Last Light not be a portent. Let your moonglow continue forever, and fill our hearts.

: This is a hint to something we passed by offscreen on the way to Moonrise, and it’s what we use that key from the tiefling kid for.

: Past that is a small building with a trap inside. It hits Pollux, but does nothing because he has temporary HP from his robe that regens every time we enter combat.

: This has a hidden chest with an absolutely useless ring in it.

: The game will mark your map to tell you exactly where the tiefling is, but you can see the fires from pretty far away and just follow the trail.

: As soon as we get close enough, we find him fighting shadows - this is our first glimpse at them. They’re essentially weaker wraiths, which were a threat in older editions but aren’t so much anymore.

: Wraiths used to be one of the nastiest enemies in the game for mid-level parties. They’re incorporeal, meaning you need a magic weapon to hit them and take half damage even then. They also drain 1d6 points of constitution on a melee hit.

: In 5E, stat drain was removed as a thing and was replaced with reducing maximum HP by the same amount as their melee damage.

: If it weren’t for the fact that everyone rolled low on initiative, we probably could’ve killed these without Rolan ever taking a hit.

: “Gods damn it all. I can do nothing right - not a damn thing.”

1. What are you even doing here?
2. You’re supposed to be at Last Light.
3. Please tell me you weren’t looking for Moonrise.
4. [BARD] If it helps, when I re-tell this story, I could say you killed all the monsters?

: “If it helps, when I re-tell this story, I could say you killed all the monsters?”

: “Who gives a damn about your stories? All I care about is getting my brother and sister back. Instead, I found myself cornered by shadow fiends and in need of rescue. From you, of all bloody people.”

1. Should I have left you to die?
2. You were trying to help your family - you’re too hard on yourself.
3. Shut up, and be grateful I saved your sorry tail.

: “You were trying to help your family - you’re too hard on yourself.”

: “Or not hard enough. I’ve failed Cal and Lia, again. Be on your way - I’ll return to Last Light. I know when I’m outmatched.”

: “Did you enjoy relaxing here while I battled that wretched darkness? What were you thinking?”

Lia: "I’m sorry we got captured by muderous lunatics.

: “I thought you were dead, you ass. Both of you!”

Cal: “We’re all safe, Rolan - that’s what matters.”

1. I thought you’d be happier to see each other.
2. Roland was in a bad state without you two.
3. Getting captured was stupid and reckless.
4. So who’s paying me?

: “I thought you’d be happier to see each other.”

: “I thought my entire family was DEAD.”

Lia: “I’m sorry - we should have been here.”

: “No - no , it’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have shouted - I"m sorry.”

Cal: “Thank you - for saving me. And the two idiots.”

: “Don’t mention it. I just enjoy murdering cultists.”

Lia: “Humble, too? Imagine that.”

: “He has no cause to be humble. He’s brought us back together - a task I failed miserably at. You went out of your way to help us, it’s only right you get something in return. Here - I hope it helps.”

: It’s just gold?

: Gold and 425 EXP for an extremely easy fight.

: Here we have the docks, which are behind the doors the paladins were guarding in the prison. If you open the cell gates instead of giving Wulbren a weapon, the prisoners will run out through here.

: There are three guards here - the cleric on the left, the paladin on the right, and a second paladin way in the back we can’t see.

: The third guy, in the middle, won’t join combat if we attack. He has 22 HP and is a free kill.

: On the first recording run, this went much better. You can follow the guard patrol routes to isolated areas and then off them.

: Normally, this will be far enough away that the other two guards won’t notice, but in this case they did.

: That’s fine, because we can hurl them into the water. They’re not carrying anything worth much.

: Our reward is two wine barrels.. and this. This is a special explosive barrel.

Narrator: A wave of sick familiarity radiates from one barrel amidst the cargo. Tadpoles. Sleeping and scarcely aware, but echoing yours a hundredfold.

: “There’s so many. Enough for an army of mindless slaves.”

1. [INTELLIGENCE] Reach out, tadpole-to-tadpole.
2. Examine the seal - it looks familiar to you.
3. Leave.

Narrator: A sleep of centuries, the birth and destruction of a settlement above forming only background noise to the dream. Until something descended down into the darkness.. and the dreamer awoke.

: You can break the barrel to get mind flayer parasites, if you’re using those.

: Or you can blow it up. If you do, it becomes the only acid damage explosive barrel in the game. It also creates a surface like those mind flayer grenades we used on the goblins.

: There are a couple of chests nearby with potions in them, including an elixir of vigilance that would’ve been real useful had Marcus not slipped on a pile of garbage.

: I’m going to end the update here, only because I want to catch up on some stuff in bonus content. Next time, we’ll clear out the Fuck Zone.

: (You know, I probably should check on Minthara before I go meditate. Just to make sure none of that.. stuff.. I did in her head did anything.)

: (I forgot that we’re on a timeline where we long rested ten times in a row trying to get Shadowheart to talk, and that made the owlbear and Scratch join us.)

: “…Fuck. I overdid it.”

: There’s a Sailor Moon mod!? Do they have Sailor Jupiter?

: Nope, just the Sailor Moon seifuku.

: “I am.. Magical Girl Pretty Minthara. In the name of Selune.. I will punish you.”

: Well, shit. I’m going to have to pay Withers out the nose to fix this, and then have Astarion steal it all back.

: “I hate myself.”

: First up is the blue jay quest we missed in Act 1.

: The blue jay is located across a small jump from the cable car station outside the monastery.

Blue Jay: “I’ve got nothing left to take, so you might as well shove off.”

1. Did someone steal something from you?
2. That’s a lot of attitude from a little bird.
3. I’m not here to take. I’m looking for the gith creche I already exteminated.
4. Leave.

: “Did someone steal something from you?”

Blue Jay: “Steal? Eagles are bigger, they just *take… nest, prey, everything. That’s how it works here.”

1. I can’t help but notice you have a nest right there.
2. That’s exactly how it works, and it’s my turn. Get out, or I’ll turn you into stew.
3. That doesn’t sound very fair.
4. Leave.

: “I can’t help but notice you have a nest right there.”

Blue Jay: “Oh sure, a nest. But it’s not my nest. That’s up on the roof, with the eagles. Eagles are pricks.”

: “I’ve already killed the eagles, luckily for you.”

: For this, we get ten experience and a buried chest with some random items in it.

: What I was going to do next is a thing with Shadowheart, but unfortunately the event is bugged. It’s a thing you need for one of the final parts of Act 2, so I’ll explain it.

: Act 2 has a story quest in which Shadowheart, by default, does something very stupid. There are three ways to talk her out of it. The first is a DC 21 persuasion check.

: The second is to have a high approval rating (over 40 points) with Shadowheart. This bypasses the check, and I believe we can do this.

: The third involves a hidden point system that requires you long resting at very specific points in Act 1, all of which I missed. The system is called “Wolf Dream Points”.

: To unlock this, you need several criteria. The first is that Shadowheart has to see a wolf and fail a save to not be frightened by it. Usually, this happens in the druid grove.

: The problem is that if she makes that save, you’re VERY unlikely to get it to happen again.. and she made the save on this run.

: The second involves performing specific actions, like asking her about her hand wound or saving her from the nautiloid rather than walking away.

: This causes her to share a dream about why she’s afraid of wolves. I found a video of it, which you can watch here.

: Even if you get this scene, it just feeds into a second point system. I’ll explain that when we get to it, but just know that on Patch 7 it’s glitched.

: Finally, let’s look at what would happen if we had entered Act 2 from the underdark.

: To do this, we need to use the elevator. It’s behind those two duergar we killed by poisoning them. You don’t need to kill them to use it.

: The elevator leads to a big empty room with a chest in it that has some healing potions. I’ll probably grab this on the current save.

: We then run into Elminster, who somehow made it from the gith creche all the way here before we did.

: We come out in a completely different part of Act 2, much closer to Last Light.

[A handwritten journal, abandoned for some fifty years. It details a druid’s attempt to learn more about the shadow curse. The entries grow shorter and more sporadic as time passes.]

Made good progress through the mountains. Seeing the curse for the first time filled me with an awe and fear that was difficult to describe. No writing could have prepared me, nor any artist’s rendition. As grave as the Archdruid Halsin’s warnings were, they were still lacking compared to the reality. I shall make camp soon, and press on in the morning.. though in truth, such terms have little meaning in this place.

A dreadful night. The campfire needed thrice the wood that would normally be needed in order to keep it burning. Terrible sounds came to my ears from beyond the firelight. Rest has not restored me. If anything, I feel weaker. But I must persevere. I must trust in Silvanus. I must venture deeper.

Creatures, from the darkness. Foul things. One grazed me. Only my torch saved me.

Deep darkness. Flames are instantly doused. The wound stings. Flesh is turning black with corruption. The shadows are growing stronger. They are spreading. I need to return to the light.

The wood will not burn. I can barely see the page. I am surrounded.

: A little further ahead, we run into a harper patrol. This locks you out of talking to Kar’niss at the goblin camp.

Harper Lassandra: “Stay together! Keep to the light!”

Harper Lassandra: “Stop! Who’s there?!”

1. Lower your weapon first.
2. My name is Pollux. Who are you?
3. A nightmare in the dark.
4. [BARD] I find the best introductions are made while sitting around a fire, perhaps with drinks?
5. Back away from them, palms up.

: “My name is Pollux. Who are you?”

Harper Lassandra: “First, come closer. Hands up.”

Harper Lassandra: “Yonas! Move in!”

: Why is this side of Act 2 a horror movie?

: The harpers spend a bit calling out to him, and then he shambles back as a zombie.

Harper Yonas: “There you are… come.. join me..”

Harper Meygan: “Yonas…?”

1. Move. I’ll take care of this.
2. Get ready to fight.
3. Run.

: We get into a forced fight against six shadows and Zombie Brad Vickers.

: One of them hits Pollux for nearly half his total HP. There are going to be multiple encounters like this - including one we’ll see next update for sure.

: Generally, the best strategy is to fireball them.

: I think you get a free long rest on this route if you do the thing with Vlaakith, but I didn’t on this save because it was the closest one I had to the start of Act 2.

: The harpers will tell us about the inn, mark it on the map, and explain the mechanics of the Fuck Zone. We’re going to clear out most of the Fuck Zone next update.

: The shadows give you little stories about who they were in life if you click their corpses.

: We find this on the way to the other entrance. This is the mother of all vine monsters, and I never killed it on my first playthrough.

: I’ll find a way to kill them by then. It’s not worth the trouble anyway, since all it drops is a ring that lets you set yourself on fire.

: Once we approach the back door to the building the harpers were in on the other route..

: “We bring more to your church every day, my Queen. Your followers are legion.”

: “Your faithful stand ready, Majesty. Soon we march. Soon the world will bow to you.”

Brawler Vez: “'Ere, web arse - something moved up there. Want me to drag it out?”

: Pollux is really bad at hiding.

: I think even in costume I could hide better than that.

1. Clear your throat to make yourself known.
2. Stay hidden, keep watching.
3. Attack!

: We have the option to attack Kar’niss by ourselves, which is not a good option. If we hit the second choice..

: “They stay in the light! They do not go into the dark!”

: They do not go into the dark, or they get the hose.

: You’ve seen that movie?

: I read the book.

: Figures.

Brawler Vez: “Didn’t figure something as big and ugly as you for a coward.”

: I didn’t capture it, but Karniss starts fucking mauling the goblin to the point of decapitating her corpse.

: "NO! THEY WILL NOT GO INTO THE DARK!

Kansif: “Enough! Stop!”

: “THEY WILL NOT BECOME SHADOWS! THEY WILL NOT FEED THE CURSE!”

: “Forgive me, my Queen, but I had to. Before the dark got any stronger.”

: “What’s this? One of your True Souls, my Queen! How have they survived?”

: By disarming you and watching you chase the lantern around like a football until I kill you.

1. The Absolute protected me.
2. Never mind me, how have you survived the curse?
3. Attack the drider.
4. [BARD] You know what they say - a ballad a day keeps the darkness away!

: This is a question of “Do you want to get the moonlantern for free✝?” If so, pick the first option.

You have to fight Kar’niss as a zombie in the Fuck Zone later.

: “You blessed them too, my Queen? Where is their lantern?”

1. [BARD] [DECEPTION] Our wondrous Queen dropped me a message - she said you need to give me that lantern. It’s very important.
2. A lantern? Is that what protects you out here?
3. Attack the drider.

: “Our wondrous Queen dropped me a message. She said you need to give me that lantern, and then march straight into the Fuck Zone over there. It’s very important.”

: “Majesty? Is this - is this true? Did I not serve you well? Very well. If it is your will, they can have it.”

1. Good. You may go now.
2. So how does this work, exactly?
3. Attack the drider.

: “Good. You may go now.”

Kansif: “We can’t go without you - the shadows would tear us to pieces.”

: “This is not her majesty’s will.”

1. [BARD] [DECEPTION] Vale, idiotae! There - you now carry the blessing of the Absolute. You’ll be safe.
2. [INTIMIDATION] The Absolute wants you to go. Now!
3. Attack the drider.

: “Well let’s see. I have the moonlantern once again, and you’re standing in the curse. Bye!”

: “If - if it is her Majesty’s will..”

Kansif: “You can’t be serious. You know what’s out there -”

: “IF IT IS HER MAJESTY’S WILL, THEN WE SHALL WALK! SHE WILL PROTECT US! SHE MUST!”

: “Majesty.. please…”

Narrator: As the sounds fade, there is nothing left but cold, still silence.

: And that’s it. Buffalo Bill disappears and zombifies, and you fight him outside the toll house as a zombie, along with the two half-orcs and the goblins.