Click Here for Update 101
: “It appears I have overestimated you…”
: Joker does not give a fuck. The only two things he cares about are where Yusuke is and how he’s going to get around Yaldabaoth’s cutscene powers.
: chuckle
: “You incompetent prisoner!”
: “The assistance we provided was all for naught.”
: “Humans are more apathetic… and more foolish than I had thought them to be. The world will soon see its ruin…”
: “You were meant to bring change to mankind as a Trickster, but it seems that was too much for you. In accordance to the game’s rules, the defeated must pay a price. Your life is forfeit.”
: “Executed?”
: “God’s decree is absolute. My experiment has come to naught… everything is over. Grant that man a swift death.”
: Fuck you, Hashino! Fuck you! You’ve used this fucking plot three fucking times now! Three! Stop fucking stealing from Satomi Tadashi and write a fucking plot!
: In case you’re wondering, yes, this is another Innocent Sin “god betting on whether humanity will destroy itself” plot… except in this case, it’s Yaldabaoth betting against itself.
: The thing is, when your plot revolves around gods betting on humanity’s destruction, you kind of need gods. Plural. You need a Philemon or a Lucifer (or a Dagda) to give your Nyarlathotep or YHVH a reason they can’t immediately proceed to “raise Xibalba and kill everyone” or “kill everyone and bring in the Millennium Kingdom”.
: Now, I’m not going to say that Persona 4 didn’t have the same problem, because it absolutely did. The thing is, with Persona 4 it wasn’t clear that Izanami planned to kill everyone - she basically only gave a shit about watching two proxy versions of her husband kill each other for her amusement.
: “If that’s what our master wishes…”
: “I-It just means that you weren’t an upstanding prisoner!”
: “That… may be true, but…”
: “What is the matter? Carry out his sentence at once!”
: “Are we really going to kill him?”
: “Don’t falter now! It’s all his fault for losing the game!”
: This is another thing I think is super fucking lazy. Remember back when we finished Caroline and Justine’s confidant, how they look at their list and realize something?
: This is where that’s going to come into play… only there’s no different scene if you’ve maxed them out. There should have been, with a variant if you’ve also done all the outings with them.
: The door to Joker’s cell blows apart.
: “Ready, Justine?”
: “If our master orders so… then it cannot be helped…”
: “…Understood.”
: This is another thing I think is SUPER FUCKING LAZY.
: You do actually get to fight Caroline and Justine… as optional superbosses… in New Game Plus only. The dumb part is that by that point the fight isn’t a challenge because you have Joker’s true ultimate Persona that can wipe them in a single hit. They also get replaced in Royal with a superboss who is SIGNIFICANTLY harder.
: Not that you can’t do that with the DLC Personas. One of the paid ones is Izanagi no Okami, the ultimate, NG+ - only Persona of the Persona 4 protagonist. He has a trait that makes all damage done scale with how complete your compendium is (he also takes less damage based on that). I’ve seen videos of people wiping every boss in the game with him in a single hit.
: Ironically, we make the scripting here actually work by being so high-level. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take Lucifer into account.
: What the shit is that pose?
: “This power… Caroline, it’s as I thought!”
: “What’s the matter?”
: “I told you not to falter! Are you going against our master’s orders!?”
: “Ngh…”
: In most cases, Joker is already at 1HP by this point. The game doesn’t take into account Joker’s insane magic defense because of his armor.
: Anyway, since I’m not going all the way back through NG+ in the base game to do the real version of this fight, I’ll just show off the key highlight of it instead. Note that you can do it at any time, that’s why that person has Akechi in their party.
: The way the fight works is that it’s on a constant six-turn timer. You have to advance the fight to the next phase by removing around 25% of their total HP or they automatically end the fight with that All-Out. The first time they reach 50% HP, they Diarahan themselves.
: Unlike Elizabeth and Margaret (who both go into an auto-fuck mode if you null, repel, or drain anything), you can make that full-absorb Yoshitsune or an all-reflect Arahabaki and win the fight that way. In fact, the easiest route to fighting them is using that Yoshitsune and spamming Hassou Tobi until you win.
: “Our duty isn’t to kill him! Caroline!”
: “What gives…? Why am I doubting myself? Is there… another duty left to us…!?”
: “I believe I ordered his execution.”
: “…”
: “…”
: “Master… have you forsaken humanity?”
: “We are wardens - those who rehabilitate prisoners.”
: “What?”
: “Something speaks to me in my mind. Our true duty is not to kill…”
: “That is the truth we had forgotten.”
: “We’ve decided… we will not forsake humanity!”
: “It’s as if they’re the same… yet mirrored…”
: Meet the reason why Caroline and Justine’s confidant cuts off on The Last Day.
: “I finally remember… how we were torn ‘apart’.”
: chuckle
: “So we were captives, same as you… heh… to think we’d learn that truth from a prisoner.”
: “Let us reclaim our true form!”
: “You must fuse us together, with your own hands.”
: Joker’s like: “Wait, you can fuse PEOPLE in that? Holy shit, where’s Haru, I’m going to fuse her with some bangs.”
: “It’s time you returned the favor for us assisting with your growth. Do it with care!”
: Joker’s too busy mentally going over how he could fuse his party members. “Could I fuse Yusuke with Morgana, just enough to make Yusuke a catboy but not enough to make him horny or annoying?”
: Meet Lavenza. In Royal, she’s the boss who replaces Caroline and Justine. She’s also SIGNIFICANTLY harder - she can pierce resistances and has a bunch of stupid rules that have to be followed.
: Caroline and Justine realized what they were during their confidant, which is why this scene is so dumb.
: “I was torn apart by a malevolent will and took the form of those twins. I sought help before my body was split in two.”
: Joker: “Okay wait, you can split people too? Hold on, I need to think about this.”
: “…I believed in you. I knew that you would make it this far. And to the scoundrel who has swindled my master’s name… your lies shall work no longer now that my sight has been restored!”
: “Be careful.”
: Joker could easily kill the fake Igor right now, by himself.
: “If I were to put it into words that you can comprehend, I am the Holy Grail that grants wishes… no… it may be more accurate to say that I’m a god who responds to desire and holds dominion over man.”
: “I hoped seeing a righteous thief vanquish evil would spur mankind to change their own indolent hearts. However… the result is as you know - the masses have made it so none of it has transpired.”
: “Humans should be met with ruin: you brought forth that answer. But to be frank, Inmate, I believe it may be worth reevaluating you.”
: “A human has reached the Holy Grail and has seen through my true identity… you’ve surprised the god that I am often enough. That cannot be done by a foolish commoner. You truly were a prisoner that did not bore me.”
: But… Joker didn’t really do any of those things. Caroline and Justine were the ones who saw through the fake Igor, and Joker would’ve fucking murdered Yaldabaoth if it didn’t have cutscene powers.
: Vishnu is honestly kinda trash. He’s the only source of the trait that reduces the cost of Wind spells by 75%, but has worse stats across the board than Baal does.
: “Should you wish it, I shall return the world to its prior state - one rampant with distorted masses.”
: “You forcefully dragged him into the Metaverse and imposed an ordeal he did not deserve… yet you still intend on toying with him!?”
: “The Phantom Thieves will be praised and gain fame. The world will escape ruin as well… what say you?”
: What Joker is actually thinking: “Wait, okay. I split Morgana from “catboy” into “cat” and “boy” and then fuse the “cat” part with Yusuke. Then we can split Haru into Haru and Haru’s Forehead and presumably toss the forehead into some kind of astral garbage can.”
: There is a short bad ending if you accept his deal, but I really don’t feel like re-recording this given how long the cutscenes are, so here’s a video.
: “Well said.”
: “Such irredeemable foolishness… you choose death for yourself? Very well. I have no need for you.”
: Meet the real Igor. He is voiced entirely posthumously by Isamu Tanonoka. Remember how at the end of the scene where Joker dies I said there was a synthetic voice for a good reason? That’s why.
: Tanonoka died in 2010, before the production of Persona 4 Golden - all of the lines in Golden (and his appearances in the P4 anime) were taken from lines originally recorded for Persona 4. I believe all of the lines in Persona 5 were taken directly from Persona 4.
: Strangely, there was a second voiceactor by the name of Takeshi Aono who played Igor in a drama CD for Persona 2 who also died… in 2012. It’s likely that they’re going to replace Igor with an older Jose in Persona 6, if and when that happens.
: “Master!”
: “Oh my… it’s been quite a while since I last stepped foot in this place… welcome to the Velvet Room. My name is Igor. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”
: “He is the rightful master of this Velvet Room, the true aid on your journey.”
: “It may be difficult for you to understand this all at once.”
: “If I were to summarize this, the ‘fake’ has left, and the ‘real’ has returned.”
: In the credits, the voice of the fake Igor (Masane Tsukuyama in Japanese) is credited simply as “Warden”.
: “Indeed…”
: “My master has returned, and you won against that malevolent god’s temptation. Thus, you may be able to save this world that is headed toward certain ruin. However, it will prove difficult to win against him with your power alone…”
: chuckle “This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter…”
: “They have not necessarily expired yet. Just as you were trapped here, they should be confined somewhere as well… since you’ve deepened your bond with them, I am certain you can release them.”
: “Once they - the Phantom Thieves - are all gathered here… we will tell you everything.”
: Reach out to the Truth was Persona 4, Igor.
: Joker runs directly to Yusuke, because without him, nothing else matters.
: “As I expected, you appear to be safe… however, where exactly are we?”
: “Velvet…Room? I’m not sure I understand…”
: “At first, I was surprised to see the masses chained in a prison, yet here I am as well… considering the state of the real world… it is hard to say that we were even remotely helpful…”
: “This situation… can we truly handle such horrid circumstances? All the Phantom Thieves can do is change the hearts of others. However, the world outside has become a veritable hell. Nothing within our power can fix that…”
: No boyfriend of Joker’s is going to give up that easily.
: “I’m merely acknowledging how powerless I am. The people of this world desired their enslavement. That isn’t all… they screamed at us for attacking the Holy Grail, defended it…”
: “Even the criminals whose hearts we changed became meek followers of the Holy Grail because of us. We were truly that foolish, risking our lives for a result nobody desired?”
: Joker: “Yusuke, stop spouting anime gibberish.”
: “I… that’s right. It wasn’t just for recognition from those we were helping. My purpose lies elsewhere… when we first met… you continued to impose yourselves on me no matter how much I pushed you away.”
: “I will forever treasure what you did for me. …Very well! Just as art is meant to break boundaries, people should be saved even if they frown upon it. I won’t allow the justice I believe in to be shaken any further!”
: “Being by your side truly gives rise to the greatest ideas!”
: “Ah, yes! We cannot afford to leave reality in the hellish state it’s currently in. I will make sure of my role as an artist and paint over the distortions of society!”
: “Well then, time to go and see this through. I’ll witness with my own two eyes that this world isn’t bound by some Holy Grail. Given my circumstance, I expect the others to be trapped here as well…”
: “Then perhaps everyone else will be in the same state I was… Joker, I can sense no shadows nearby. I will remain on standby in this location. I request that you go save the rest of our teammates.”
: “It would… likely be best if you did so alone.”
: So here’s the thing. We have to do this once for every party member. They pretty much all have the same dialog, except adjusted to be in their ‘voice’, the way the alternate party member dialog was in Persona 1.
: I’ll show them all off anyway, but this way you can skip the rest. We do Makoto’s last.
: “I’m relieved… looks like we’re both still alive.”
: “Am I really safe though? Shibuya… what happened? And… where are we?”
: “Velvet Room? That name sounds pretty kick-ass…”
: “I guess my fears turned out to be true… the real world is a scary place… pain like this can never reach you if you keep yourself cooped up indoors…”
: Tell that to the guy who hides in the shipping container at the start of Resident Evil 3.
: “Who am I to think I can tell the people what to do? I mean, I used to be a shut-in myself… dammit… I just wanna go home… but even that would be tough now.”
: “Giving up would be too painful. You know, I think… I’ve changed. I don’t know when it happened… but I can’t… I can’t let people suffer like this, even if I don’t know them personally.”
: “Honestly, this all seems like a bit too much… but… but…”
: “…Mm-hm. I’ve known the right answer from the very beginning. …I don’t want to run away from this. I ran from my mom’s death for so long… I misunderstood it…”
: “Everything was just too painful for me to handle. But… I never want to be left in the dark again!”
: I feel like it’s more her than the Persona. Baofu had the same Persona and he had no problem lighting shit on fire.
: “Because I want to learn the truth. That’s how I really feel! Well, I’ve come this far… I’ll follow you wherever you go, on my own two feet!”
: “…Thanks. I’m so happy. Like, so much that I can’t even express it in my normal words! Anyway, we’re going up against a god. I couldn’t even leave my own room before, but now we’re gonna beat a god! I’m so pumped!”
: “And wait a sec… I just noticed I got out of here on my own! Tadaaaah! A real jailbreak!”
: “Whoa, you’re quick to act! That’s what makes you dependable! All right, time to get back at it!”
: She gives the same speech about us having to save everyone else, which I’ll skip because it’s generic dialog. Not that the entire thing we just saw wasn’t.
: “Thank goodness you’re safe…”
: “Oh, yeah… huh… so I’m not in heaven after all… that means the hell that Shibuya turned into was all real…”
: Heaven was another song that blows all of the Persona 5 dungeon themes out of the water. Persona 4 had some really good dungeon tracks. It also had a REALLY good remix.
: “…I’m so weak. When I thought I was gonna die, I… started trembling. I was just so scared. At that moment, nothing mattered. The justice of our actions was the last thing on my mind.”
: So what you’re saying is that you can’t get your mind out of those memories? Now you’re trying to tell them ‘don’t take my dream’?
: “Joker… you kept going even through a plan that might have ended up killing you. Yet look at me. I’ve always said I’m doing this for other people, but that didn’t get me far…”
: “Haha, it’s no wonder we lost. Maybe I should’ve just behaved myself and stayed out of all this…”
: “That’s… you’re right. I could never abandon her. If I whine like this now, I’d just be betraying Shiho… no, I’d be betraying myself! I could never forget how I felt that day.”
: “I…I never want anyone to have to go through what I did! I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to keep looking forward. Things like dying or losing aren’t important now. All that matters is that I don’t return to my old self.”
: “…I’ll never make a mistake like that again. I swear it!”
: “Gotcha, Joker! It would be a disgrace to the John Persona name if we didn’t take such a big Treasure! We’re going to put an end to this, aren’t we? Let’s go!”
: “You’re safe… oh, thank goodness!”
: Joker: “Okay Haru listen I found a way to cure your godawful haircut, I need you to get in the guillotine Haru. It makes sense I swear.”
: “R-Right… considering everything that has happened to the city, I wonder if the citizenry is okay… although, it seemed like we were the only ones able to see it…”
: “You know, the moment I disappeared, I honestly thought I was about to die. But… part of me wasn’t afraid. I knew that was all I could do… and looked forward to apologizing to Father face to face…”
: Is there even an afterlife in the SMT universe? I mean, other than becoming a ghost and telling the Demifiend to fuck off?
: “Honestly, I thought I had changed, but I realize now that I still have no control over my life… it makes me sick…”
: “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to deal with my whining… you’re going to try and defeat that thing again, aren’t you? Don’t push yourself to get me to come along. You can always leave me here if I’ll slow you down…”
: Does she really think Joker would leave her when we have Ryuji and Morgana to leave behind?
: “That’s…”
: “Even if there are times where I think there’s nothing I can do… I’ll never stop fighting for you, or our team! …I won’t give up anymore.”
: “Just as I betrayed my distorted father before, I will betray my boring former self now!”
: “Before I met you, I had great admiration for the Phantom Thieves of Justice… and… it’s turned out you were exactly the person I always imagined you would be.”
: “This is the second time you’ve rescued me. I’ve secretly longed for a situation like this.”
: “We haven’t lost yet.”
: “Looks like we’re both somehow still alive and kickin’… but… where at?”
: “Huh? Velvet…? Man, this prison cell kinda makes me think of when we first met…”
: “And remember how Shibuya was all effed up just now? But like, nobody was seein’ any of it. No, it was more like they didn’t wanna see any of it. What the hell…”
: “So even all them people who were sufferin’, and cheerin’ for us to come and help ‘em… in reality, they would’ve rather just had everything stay how it was? Did what we were doin’ have any meanin’ at all?”
: I mean, when push came to shove… no. Not really. That’s the biggest flaw in this game’s godawful plot.
: “Haha, you’re so freakin’ tough… Y’know, back when I thought we were gonna die without learnin’ the truth about all this… I kinda felt for the first time that maybe we hadn’t been doin’ the right thing…”
: This feels like Hashino reading back through his script, realizing it’s a fucking trainwreck, and then realizing it’s too late to do anything about it and that he’s going to have to live with it.
: “That maybe we deserved to lose… you get me?”
: “Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, I started all this ‘cause of how pissed off I was. Maybe it’s never been about winnin’ or anything like that… maybe all I was doin’ was continuin’ my own defiance…”
: “Akira… haha… you’re right. I get it now… we’re doin’ this to make sure people don’t gotta go through the same crap we did. It doesn’t matter if they think we’re just or not. We gotta do what we believe in!”
: “Heh, and it’s not like people think much of me anyways. I’m gonna dash through this the only way I know how!”
: “Thanks… y’know, it’s kinda embarrassin’ to say this, but I’m real glad I met you. All right, I’m done gettin’ my ass kicked! That shiny bastard acts like it’s some kinda god… I ain’t gonna feel good 'til we deal with it.”
: “Let’s head out. We’re gonna take down that asshole, yeah?”
: “What a relief. You’re safe!”
: “Huh? I, um… by the way, why have you remained in your phantom thief attire while I am back in regular clothes? Could this mean that the will of rebellion is no longer within me?”
: I like to think that Joker has already left and she’s monologue-ing at nothing.
: “…That may be true. We have to fight that Holy Grail again, correct? Could you imagine defeating it, Joker? That monster has the support of the masses, and with it, nearly an infinite amount of power…”
: “I… no matter which way I approach the subject in my head, nothing points to our victory.”
: This entire monologue sounds like it was ripped straight out of one of those pages in Akagi where Washizu is fantasizing about being a god.
: “I think I finally, genuinely understand the pain my father and my sister were burdened with… victory against a single criminal is meaningless… the true enemy is society itself.”
: Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Fuck! Stop with the goddamn pseudo-intellectual bullshit!
: “And even against that foe, you still have to try to somehow emerge victorious. I don’t know what to do…”
: “Believe… in myself… hm… chuckle You got me. Regardless, this isn’t a situation with a straightforward answer… but even if there is no clear solution, I’ll just have to make one… with my own two hands.”
: “Before you guys came along, my life was defined by rules, set on a path of someone else’s choosing… but only a true loser would live such a rigid life!”
: “I… I will win… even if it means going up against the entire world!”
: “I want the people of the world to see what you’ve shown me!”
: “Right! Thank you. Having teammates you can trust is a great feeling. Shall we go? We can’t let our last big job end in failure!”
: “Huh? Whose voice was that? Joker, did you already rescue the others?”
: “Mona? What do you mean?”
: Has she already forgotten who Morgana is?
: “Who’re they?”
: “My name is Igor. I am the master of the Velvet Room.”
: “I am Lavenza, a resident of this place as well. We have been waiting for all of you.”
: “Velvet Room?”
: Metal Gear!?
: “My master has just been released from a long period of imprisonment. His powers have not fully returned. Though it may be presumptuous of me, I will speak on his-”
: “Hey, where’s Morgana?”
: “Would you like to see him?”
: “…He’s right over there.”
: Here’s the funny part of this. You can go right past this cell while running around looking for the party, and you won’t see Morgana there. The only place he could hide in there is in the toilet, so…
: “I… was born here. It was to dispel an evil being from man’s spiritual world…”
: “Mona?”
: “My role was to find the Trickster and help him defeat it. That’s why I was created here by my master.”
: “Indeed.”
: “I really remember everything. When this place was about to be taken over, my master gathered the last traces of mankind’s hope. …He mustered up his remaining strength to make me.”
: Yes, this technically makes Morgana a servant of Philemon by proxy.
: “The entity that calls itself a god is a malevolent will that forces man into everlasting servitude. It hopes to attain eternal peace by filling reality with those who have stopped thinking for themselves.”
: It wants the Millennium Kingdom. That’s exactly what the Millennium Kingdom is.
: “…That is the ruin of man that this evil god envisions.”
: “I…um…don’t get what you’re sayin’ at all-”
: “Be quiet and listen! We don’t have much time left!”
: “Wait a moment. The Holy Grail is… a ‘god’? I was wondering why it had a will of its own, but are you implying that it isn’t a Treasure?”
: “No. As the distorted desires of the masses, it is most certainly the core of Mementos itself.”
: “Then… did the Treasure become a god because people wished to be ruled over?”
: “That is correct. To decide the fate of the world, it chose two people and pitted them against each other. One - Goro Akechi - incited the masses’ distortion. Had he won, the world would have been destroyed and remade.”
: “The other was a Trickster who would stand up against this… that was Akira Kurusu.”
: Fuck this shit! This is word for fucking word the plot to Persona 4. This is what happens when you take a creatively bankrupt fuckhead like Hashino and put him in charge of fucking anything!
: “If Akira won, the human world would be left as is… those were the conditions of the game - at least, that’s what should’ve happened.”
: Right here, I’d like to paraphrase a quote from Mahjong Legend Akagi. The quote is: “If my intention was to not honor the bet, why would I have made the bet in the first place!?”
: This plot point worked in Persona 4 specifically because Izanami intended to honor the bet. It doesn’t work at all if the bet was pointless to begin with!
: “That malevolent being knew that a revolution would not occur within indolent humans. After all, it is the masses’ distorted desires incarnate. However, my true master believed in humanity.”
: “He believed that a Trickster would rise among the people and accomplish this change. But that evil entity laughed at the prospect, and sought to prove the powerlessness of man with the game.”
: And this is Hashino’s weak-ass reason for the Demiurge not simply going full on YHVH immediately - she’s talking about Philemon… which would also make this a direct ripoff of Innocent Sin.
: But that makes even less sense! The whole point of Nyarlathotep’s bet in Innocent Sin was that he knew he could break the rules as much as he wanted and Philemon would still honor the bet!
: “And Akira Kurusu had great potential… which is why it approached him. It helped train the Trickster, only to cast him into despair, using the masses who rejected their savior.”
: WHY!? That doesn’t make any fucking sense! None of this makes any fucking sense! The Demiurge’s entire plan is to not honor the bet! Did it even train Akechi? I’m guessing it didn’t… or maybe it did, given how incompetent it seems to be.
: “This was likely its means to nip in the bud anything that would pose a threat. Now that I think back to when I was separated, I felt a disagreement to the word ‘rehabilitation’.”
: I… don’t get it. You’re telling me the Demiurge trained Joker as an insurance policy… against what!? If anything, that statement only makes sense if you assume someone ELSE trained Joker! Fuck!
: “Of course I did… it was just a means for the fake to keep you under surveillance.”
: “Basically, this guy was dragged into a game where the evil god rigged the outcome.”
: Except it didn’t rig the outcome, because Joker just beat it to within an inch of its life!
: “Dammit, what the hell!?”
: Oh, right. Isn’t this just Persona 1 now?
: “You do not exist because reality is replete with the cognition of those who deny the Phantom Thieves. It can be said that the world is one step away from the evil god’s machinations.”
: “However, there is still hope, Akira Kurusu… now that the evil god’s identity has been exposed, you can see your rehabilitation to its completion. Only you can leave this prison and save this distorted world and its captive people…”
: “Young man, guided by Morgana and worthy of the Trickster name… you must challenge the evil god and reclaim your existence in reality. Are you up to the task?”
: At the end of the day, this is another generic Dragon Quest “hero must defeat the Demon Lord” plot.
: “Let’s destroy that annoying, shiny Treasure jerk for sure this time!”
: “Excellent… there is nothing to fear. You already possess the strength to oppose this evil god.”
: “Our mutual friend knows where the exit is. Morgana, please guide them. And thank you for all that you’ve done. It’s a cruel responsibility that’s been cast upon you…”
: “I will accept your words of appreciation fully when everything is over. Now follow me!”
: “That’s our exit. Come on, let’s go.”
: “Oh, right… this is where we were when our bodies disappeared.”
: “It seems like people still haven’t realized that this abnormality has taken over the city…”
: “If I remember correctly, this is that Quarantine Cell…”
: “That’s right. It was actually the Velvet Room, which had been swallowed by the distortions.”
: “You did say you were born in there… it makes so much sense now.”
: “Wait… so if we came outta there, does that mean WE’RE the criminals!? No, it’s more like Akira! Since he was kept in here!”
: “Most likely, Joker had been under the malicious guidance of the evil god for quite some time. The Velvet Room originally existed to nurture the human mind, but after it was taken over…”
: “Uh, Mona… more importantly…”
: “It’s probably because my memories have returned. I know what my duty is now.”
: “This is different from how it was before. Do they see us?”
: “It doesn’t seem to be everyone though. Only a handful of people in this large crowd.”
: “Maybe it’s 'cause of Mona’s light!”
: “Either way, they remember the Phantom Thieves!”
: “The key of hope…”
: “Mona, guide us. Where must we go?”
: “The bastard from earlier should be in that temple!”
: “Heh, it’s nice knowin’ there aren’t gonna be any bullshit traps or nothing this time! All right, let’s get movin’!”
: This area is basically a hallway with a gauntlet of near-identical bosses in it.
: There’s an axe for Haru and a piece of armor off to the sides, but we don’t give a fuck.
: I’m going to skip the dialog here, because it’s that kind of generic “Uh-oh, Joker! There’s a boss ahead! Are you ready?” dialog.
: “You’re the one who’s disturbing it!”
: Is he mad about me fusing him into Lucifer? I bet he’s mad because I fused him into Lucifer.
: “It’s useless trying to reason with this guy! Let’s beat him and break through here!”
: The four bosses we’re about to fight are all identical: they’re blobs of HP with high magic defense that are neutral to everything but Bless.
: They also get two actions per turn, which Uriel uses to summon his harem.
: This is after charged and buffed attacks by Yusuke and Makoto.
: Yoshitsune just kinda shits on everything.
: “Took 'em long enough!”
: “I can’t believe they didn’t notice until the danger was so close to them…”
: “Things are going to get even worse from here on out… the entire city has stopped functioning. At least they can still panic for now…”
: There’s something kinda fucked up about that last line.
: “If people still don’t act for themselves after seeing all this… I’m sorry, but they’re hopeless!”
: “In any case, let’s head to the temple!”
: “The people in the city recognized us, so it’s only natural we’d draw the enemy’s attention as well.”
: “Well they can bring it on! I’m startin’ to get fired up!”
: This area has some very annoying enemies, including Abaddon (except stronger) and Mara. Almost none of them have a weakness.
: I grab an alarm and fuse Vishnu. While my original intention was to fuse him back to Baal, we don’t really have the money for that - mostly because there’s an intermediate step and I’d have to delete at least two Personas that I’d then have to pay to resummon.
New Persona: Vishnu
Origin: India
First Appearance: Megami Tensei II
Primary deity in Hinduism. Serves as a neutral point between Brahma and Shiva, and is responsible for ending the world and remaking it at the end of each aeon. Has hundreds of different forms ranging from a fish to the archer Rama, whose name may be familiar if you’ve played Hades.
: By the way, Lavenza does a dance during fusion alarms as well. Anyway, several annoying random encounters later…
: “Come on, let’s beat this one too! More people should notice the Phantom Thieves if we just make ourselves seen!”
: “That’s exactly what we want!”
: Like Uriel, Raphael is a big blob of magic defense - except he prefers to buff himself and charge instead of summoning.
: He instakills Ann and then tries to do the same to Joker. You know, you’d think that jumping up toward the sword would not be the best way to avoid that.
: One last area here in Airborne Valley of Defilement.
: Here, we run into the treasure demon for this area - Crystal Skull. I guess this explains those people turning into shadowmen.
: Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, doesn’t Gabriel have Ali Dance?” No. In fact, the opposite happens.
: Joker: “You’re lying! I know the real Gabriel!”
: “Mercy? Don’t make me laugh! If you had mercy, you’d never be doing this to the world!”
: Compared to Raphael, Gabriel is a joke. She primarily attacks with Divine Judgement… which is incapable of killing anyone because it only reduces the target’s remaining HP by half.
: Gabriel gets two actual damage spells in, neither of which hits anyone.
: That’s a reflect, not Joker being hit.
: They will look up at Joker and cry “Save us!” and Joker will look down and whisper “Okay sure but make sure you legalize gay marriage.”
: “Indeed. Though they may not be true ‘servants of God’, they do live up to that moniker…”
: “I wonder if the people in the city will be okay…”
: “I hope so. Given what is happening to this world… nobody can be considered a stranger anymore…”
: “Yeah, that’s why we can’t lose… there’s only one thing we gotta do!”
: “Well said, Lady Ann! Let’s keep going!”
: This last area has a Soma in it. You might have noticed that the party’s SP has been a little low. There’s no warp points between the start of Blighttown and here, so this can be helpful.
: On the other side is a scarf for Morgana that comes with Regenerate 2.
: Joker: “I call bullshit! Michael is in my Persona storage right now!”
: “So that means you’re the last one who’s gonna get in our way!”
: “Not everyone wants that thing ruling over us!”
: “Like granting that wish is justice either! How can you say people are free when they’re chained up in prisons in this broken world!?”
: “If someone has lost their way, it’s our job to help them come to their senses!”
: I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be a comma between “So” and “No sacrilege is beneath thee” unless the rules of punctuation do not apply to angels.
: Michael is another giant blob of HP and magic defense.
: He can charge and hit for what’s probably an instakill, but fails to hit Yusuke.
: We even get a Showtime, but that’s not enough to finish him.
: “No more of that Holy Grail shit doing whatever it wants!”
: “Let’s go!”
: “I’m not sensing any more enemies nearby, Joker. This is probably gonna be our last chance to prep ourselves.”
: “We cannot lose now. Let us ensure we do not have any regrets as we head toward the final battle.”
: We’ll do the final battle next update, as it consists of (and is followed by) several very lengthy cutscenes. Anyway, remember how I said we don’t give a shit that Makoto has all of 3 SP left? That’s because once you kill Michael, you get a warp point that puts you in his boss arena.
: Going back to Lavenza gives you a full HP and SP refill. Next time, we’ll kill God.
: Oh, right. The music that plays during this entire boss rush segment (including during the boss fights) is the full version of Life Will Change. I like that they kept this and didn’t cop out with Colors Flying High instead.
: “…As I thought. You’ve made a wise choice. Thank you. I’ll do my best with what you’ve told me. I honestly expected you to have more of a backbone… it seems your reputation precedes you.”
: “…I sure am. Is the same true for you too?”
: “Pretty much. Looks like it’s not just us though.”
: FUUUUUUUUUUCK! So yeah, remember when I said I fucking hate Akechi? THIS IS WHY! Welcome to Royal, a game that was designed entirely by a fucking focus group.
: “Oh wow, they still have a Christmas cake! Do you want to get it?”
: “To think I’d get to see you so surprised… honestly, it’s pretty satisfying.”
: “Anyway, thanks for coming. Were you hoping to see me today?”
: Whoa there! That’s WAY too lewd for a second date! It’d be one thing if you put a collar around Joker’s neck and suddenly it’s BDSM-o-clock, but holding hands!? Can we even show that? That’s practically illegal!
: “Looks like the only me that disappeared was the one in the Metaverse.”
: “In that case, I’ll accept your offer.”
: “Who do we have here? I believe this is our first time meeting.”
: “Huh? I was just sleeping… hey, you’ve been acting kinda weird since yesterday. What’s going on?”
: “Looks like your recipes have reached housewife-level quality. You trying to get hitched sometime soon?”
: “What could this building even be?”
: “We’ll likely find that out if we keep pushing forward.”
: “I pretty much figured that you would end up infiltrating this place. …Truth be told, this isn’t how I was hoping we would meet again.”
: “That’s right… I’m…”
: Wow! That got done ripping surprisingly quickly. Next time, we’ll forget about this whole painful reality, and move into a wonderful new world without pain.