Colors Flying High - Let's Play Persona 5 Royal

[Timrod]

@drcakey

He even starts talking in the incomprehensible mush of the P1/P2 PSP localizations, instead of the slightly different incomprehensible mush of P5’s localization.

Yeah pretty much. Reading manga for nine hours a day kind of turned me off to a lot of that, my brain passes sentences like “I am going to go to the store and buy a milks” without even thinking about it anymore. Trust me when I say it’s only going to get worse the closer we get to the base game’s ending.

@drcakey

I want to acknowledge this as lowkey the worst line in the game. Are the adults shitty or not? What alchemy has birthed this new category of ‘respectful adult’?

Oh, that’s easy. The ‘respectful adult’ category came around when Hashino realized that he wasn’t going to have time or space to write a plotline about the party’s stance toward adults changing as they grow up, so instead he stuck that in there and hoped no one would notice.

[Timrod]

Click Here for Update 100

: My biggest regret about today is that the game does not let you visit Chihaya before dumping you in the dungeon… meaning I had to grind for alarms.

: “You and everyone else… you’ve all grown so much… no, this is no time to get sentimental. We’re going to end this with a bang! All right, let’s go!”

: Naturally, we get the top score on the final exam. I think there’s a reward you can pick up from Sojiro once we cross into the expansion content. The game then immediately dumps us in Mementos.

: “The door to the depths of Mementos has been opened… wait, does that mean-”

: “…We’re really gonna do this, right?”

: “Of course!”

: “Why’re you askin’ now?”

: “Well… I-I just thought, what am I gonna do if you guys freak out and bail on me!”

: We all should’ve bailed on this game hours ago. Seriously, what you’re about to see is a big samey dungeon with exactly four enemy types and a single puzzle from Nocturne that gets recycled like ten times.

: “We’re going to erase Mementos, aren’t we? Come on, let’s go, you guys!”

: “Mona sure seems hyped up!”

: “Isn’t Mona-chan behaving a little… odd?”

: “You know, you’re right.”

: “Yeah… I shouldn’t have brought that up. Shall we get going?”

: For whatever reason, the game immediately puts you on the first floor of Mementos instead of letting you warp immediately to the last save point.

: In the base game, I did a victory lap on the way to the depths, and probably should’ve this time as well because we are in desperate need of money. Anyway, let’s get to fusing.

New Persona: Minamoto no Yoshitsune

Origin: A Real Person

First Appearance: Devil Summoner

: Yoshitsune is a special fusion between Okuinushi, Shiki-Ouji, Arahabaki, Yatagarasu, and Futsunushi. He was the best Persona in the base game and is still VERY good even in Royal.

: You see, in the base game, it was possible to build Yoshitsune with a skill called Swift Strike - which is a weaker version of his signature skill, Hassou Tobi. The difference is that you could make Swift Strike guarantee critical hits, whereas I don’t think Hassou Tobi could crit even in the base game.

: Let’s talk about Hassou Tobi. It hits all enemies 8 times for somewhere between 100 and 150 damage (with Joker’s stats at current levels). I gave Yoshitsune the trait from Futsunushi that boosts Charge to a 3x multiplier. When Charged, this guarantees that Hassou Tobi does north of 2,400 damage to any enemy not resistant to physical. That’s before we factor in buffs.

: If you’re planning on using him, you probably want to switch out Joker’s gun for the one made using Metatron to get that extra 6 strength, since Yoshitsune gives zero fucks about magic.

: By the way, it’s possible to make a Yoshitsune that absorbs, nulls, or repels everything except guns (as there is no null gun or repel gun skill) and fire (which he’s merely resistant to).

: We can then itemize Yoshitsune into Yusuke’s best melee weapon.

: Let’s head all the way the hell down to the end of Sheriruth. We now know what the entirety of Mementos looks like. I can’t tell if the bottom’s supposed to be the Earth’s core or what.

: “It should be. Why, what’s wrong?”

: “I dunno, it looks just like all the other ones… I was thinkin’ it’s a little disappointin’… maybe we worked too hard to get down here or something.”

: “The lack of unforeseen circumstances is nothing to complain about. Let us continue.”

: “It’s some big, fossil-looking thing… so this must be the Treasure.”

: “So this is where that crowd of people was trying to reach?”

: “People are walking in and out of there, so the other side of the wall must be… wait! It’s not a wall, but a giant door!”

: “Guess that means the Treasure’s not here. C’mon, let’s stay focused.”

: “It opened straight away… I bet that means the inner depths the Meta-Nav was talking about before are right ahead.”

: “Hold on. The door only opens from this side…”

: “…What do you mean?”

: She means it’s one of those “Doors that don’t open from this side” from Dark Souls.

: “Well, I took a quick peek at the mechanism inside the door… and it looks like you can only open it from here. We can get in, but nothing can get out.”

: Even though Futaba is saying this, the door will remain open even once we go through it. You can go into the final dungeon and then back out to Mementos.

: You can access Iwai and Tae from the first floor if you need to - this is because we have to clear this dungeon in one day. Not that that’s a huge challenge, given we’ve been doing it the whole game.

: “It’s as though whatever lies within has been locked away…”

: “Wait, so you’re saying that the people going in there are choosing a life of imprisonment?”

: Since Haru went ahead and said it, yes. This is what the theme of the rest of this game is going to be. In fact, the plot of Royal isn’t all that different.

: “I have never felt such eeriness before… what is this place?”

: “We’ll find out once we reach the depths. Come on, let’s go.”

: “It’s so creepy…”

: “So those strange pipes tunneling through Mementos were originating from down here after all. You know, I have been considering this for some time… they remind me somewhat of veins.”

: “I mean, what does everyone think this world is…!?”

: “Calm down, Lady Ann. The Treasure is definitely here, and that’s what’s important now. And I can sense something else. A tremendous presence that’s coming from much deeper within…”

: “I don’t know that I want to find out what that may be, but we must harden our resolves. It’s time to head for the depths!”

: Gotta love how neither of them answer her question.

: “It looks like they’re all trying to get past that door.”

: “But why’s it so crowded!?”

: “It looks like the door’s keeping them all out. We’ll have to try and look for another way in.”

: The other way in is simply jumping around the side.

: “The Shadows out front were trying to get in here, right? What could it be…?”

: This dungeon reminds me a lot of those “orange” maps you’d see in Counterstrike and Team Fortress 2 that use the stock developer textures. It’s about as exciting, too.

: “…Is this a prison!?”

: I wish I could find the clip from Sonic 06 of Silver going “ARE WE UNDERWATER?” because this is one of those moments.

: “Who’s captured here?”

: “Technically speaking, I would say it’s someone’s Shadow…”

: “They’re saying something…”

: “They feel safe being here? What’re you saying? You’re being kept in a prison.”

: You know, they’re doing the whole “jail is the safest place” thing that guy from Yakuza 0 did before he got shot by a guard who was on a rival family’s payroll.

: “This reminds me of Kamoshida’s castle… they’re like the ‘slaves’ we saw there.”

: Oh, okay, it’s not Yakuza 0, it’s STALKER. Actually… it really kinda is STALKER, given what we’re about to run into.

: “A system that grants… desires?”

: “Something like that exists? Here!?”

: “It’s no use. You can’t reason with these people.”

: “They’re truly ‘distorted’, just like the scenery here…”

: “Quarantine? Who’s locked in there?”

: Everyone, in about four years.

: “…? Mona?”

: This is one of the only forced fights in this dungeon. Two Melchizedeks are nothing we can’t take out… even though Wind is kind of our weak point right now due to Baal being the same since Okumura’s Palace.

: “Wait a sec… this is everyone’s Palace, right? Not like Kamoshida’s castle… who’s keepin’ these people here?”

: “Mona-chan?”

: “…I remember now. I’ve… seen this place before.”

: Could it be that just like Teddie, he’s actually a Shadow? Oh wait, we already know he is.

: “Hold on though. It wasn’t open until we came here today.”

: “Sorry… it’s just a sense I’m getting. Still… it feels like I’m really close to remembering something important…”

: “Y’know, comin’ in here was what you wanted from the beginning. We just gotta keep movin’ on!”

: “On top of that, I’m curious to know who the ruler of this place is.”

: “Wait, what about these people?”

: “Leave them be. They’ll be taken care of if we erase Mementos.”

: “Hey, it’s dangerous to keep standing around here! Let’s get going!”

: The first couple of rooms after the cutscene are all generic and contain exactly three enemy types - and we’ve already seen one, that being Melchizedek. All of them are within Insta-Kill range.

: One of the two remaining enemy types is Moloch. He goes down very quickly to Satan.

: I’m going to skip a lot of the dialog here, because this is a puzzle recycled from Nocturne.

: Pushing one of these red pillars makes a bunch of yellow tiles appear.

: Stepping on a yellow tile turns it blue, while stepping on a blue tile turns it yellow.

: The goal is to turn all the tiles blue and end up on the space with the pillar, essentially making an Euler circuit. Not every one of these is solved that way, as some of the later ones require doubling back.

: No shit. This puzzle is set up so you can’t possibly fail.

: “So that device is not only a switch, but also the wall that’s blocking our path.”

: “That’s a pretty elaborate device…”

: “It is only natural that security is tight in a prison. Then again, no inmates actually wish to leave…”

: This isn’t a forced battle. The game spawns the enemies, who will immediately begin patrolling but won’t notice you provided you keep moving forward.

: The other enemy type that appears here is Lilith, who… well, let me take this opportunity to show off Hassou Tobi.

: Even uncharged and without the starting status effects from ambushing enemies with the grappling hook, Hassou Tobi can end encounters by itself.

: There’s a lot of these NPCs around. Most of them say the same thing with slightly different phrasing.

: “The hell…? Is this some kinda prison cell too…?”

: “Plus there are those blood vessel things coming down into it…”

: We also max out Haru. She’s now pure gun and psy damage. In the end, it’s probably better that she doesn’t learn any fourth-tier spells due to how high their cost is.

: I grab another alarm and fuse US Ambassador to Japan John Thorman. We need him for a 5-way fusion.

: Thorman itemizes into Imprisoned Mjolnir, which is Ryuji’s best melee weapon. You know, Ronald Reagan was in the original Megami Tensei novels and I’m wondering if anyone tried itemizing him. Anyway, we use Thorman to do the last Persona fusion we’re going to do until the expansion.

New Persona: Chi You

Origin: China

First Appearance: Devil Summoner

Chinese war deity who is half man, half bull. Fought a war against Huang Di, said to be the ancestor of all Han Chinese. Was defeated and eventually beheaded by Huang Di’s general, Yinglong. Also important to both Miao and Hmong folklore.

: Chi You is a five-way fusion between Yoshitsune, Cu Chulainn, Thor, Hecatoncheires and White Rider. In practice, he’s basically Kohryu but with better stats and a unique skill that reduces the cost of Psychic spells by 75%.

: The next room has a hook point in it that we can use to reach one of Morgana’s better weapons.

: We also get a good look at Yusuke’s new sword.

: Ann gets maxed out, learning her final spell. She can only use Blazing Hell ten times on a full SP bar, which is why fourth-tier spells aren’t the best on the party members. It’s only really worth it on Joker due to how much he can lower the cost by.

: “Happiness is much more than simply ‘gaining’ things. To be honest, I can’t believe he’s actually enjoying his life here…”

: Yes it is, only this time one of the tiles starts out blue. We’ll skip it.

: There’s a save room, and then yet another one of these extremely challenging puzzles. We’ll skip this one too.

: “It truly seems to go on ad infinitum… where does it lead?”

: “I never expected there would be this much here… but the Treasure’s presence is getting stronger. We’re going in the right direction for sure.”

: “No… Madarame…”

: “Is President Okumura here too!?”

: “Father isn’t around anymore…”

: “…Sorry.”

: “No, it’s okay. More importantly, look here.”

: “The hell’s goin’ on!? These guys shoulda had a change of heart from their Palaces disappearin’!”

: “Man, your bod’s as great as always. C’mon, come closer.”

: “You creep!”

: “Hmph… I’m joking. I don’t want any more trouble. I finally get to live without having to think for myself now.”

: “I mistakenly thought myself to be talented… but now I think I’m a fool for wanting too much.”

: I’ll spare you posting that theme from that game that just came out, because in a year’s time the fanbase will have ruined it. You know the one.

: If you’re reading this in a year, please congratulate me on accurately predicting the future.

: “It’s not like you get punished for bein’ dumb. Nobody needs to strive to be more than they really are.”

: “These people seem completely different than they were before…”

: “I don’t think it’s because they had a change of heart though…”

: “Wait… have they chosen a life of captivity after they lost their distorted desires?”

: “Unfortunately, Okumura isn’t here with us. Nothing can be done for the dead… I’m sorry.”

: “…Yes, I know. Thank you for the details. Now if you don’t mind, what in the world is this place?”

: “It’s supposedly called the ‘Prison of Regression’.”

: “Regression?”

: “More importantly, does this look like captivity to you? Why, it’s the exact opposite. The utmost freedom is available to anyone who desires it here. This is the freedom to not make decisions… the release from having to think for yourself.”

: “It is far more marvelous than the country I wished to create…”

: They really needed an option to have Futaba shoot him in the head mid-speech.

: “Release from having to think? But, that’s…”

: Two things. One, why the fuck does any of this matter? Two, isn’t this just the end of The Matrix?

: “So those are the Palace rulers…”

: “I really gotta thank you for changin’ my heart. I got to come back here, after all.”

: “We… sent 'em back here?”

: “I don’t understand… just what have we been doing by using the cognitive world?”

: “That’s true, but…”

: “This ain’t the time to be gettin’ confused! We’re here as the society-fixin’ Phantom Thieves today!”

: “Having the freedom to not make your own decisions only means that someone else is controlling you! Tell me - who is the ruler here? Who made all of this?”

: Let me tell you why I hate this scene. Up until now, the villains are more or less ripped straight from the Shounen Battle Manga 101 playbook. They’re obviously the villains, behave in a way that borders on cartoonish, and are there to be the bad half of a world where everything is black and white.

: This scene tries to take what are basically your shounen battle manga opponent of the week and turn them into something deeper that was never really there to begin with. It also tries to bring up the question of “Is what the party is doing the right thing to do?” about a hundred hours after we’ve established that this is a black and white morality shounen battle manga.

: “Haven’t you learned anything in school? The collective ruler of a democratic country is its people.”

: It’s like Hashino picked up a Noam Chomsky book, read the first few pages, and went “WHOA MAN, THIS IS SOME DEEP SHIT” and then made a plot where the central idea is “Whoa man, did you know society is like, a prison and we’re all prisoners in it?”

: “D-Don’t lie outta your ass like that! I mean, there was a guard here earlier! That means someone’s gotta be lookin’ out for you guys, right?”

: “You may be right. We are the ones ‘looking out’ upon everyone else.”

: God fuck I hate every single word of this entire thing! Fuck! This is like, entry-level pseudo-intellectual bullshit!

: “No…”

: “So the ones who least want the prison to be tampered with… are the prisoners themselves?”

: “It don’t matter what this guy’s talkin’ about… we’re gonna erase all of Mementos anyways! C’mon, let’s keep goin’! Mona! The Treasure’s in the deepest part, right!?”

: “Mona?”

: Why isn’t Futaba pissed? They were supposed to make Shido pay for killing her mother, and now he’s sitting in a jail cell not giving a fuck. You’d think she would be fucking livid at this.

: “I saw the humans in here… and realized I looked different than them for some reason. …Right! That’s when I started to think I wanted to turn into a human!”

: “Is that why you thought you would regain your true form if we destroyed Mementos?”

: “Sorry… I’m still missing a lot of my memories… but I know I started randomly checking a bunch of Palaces… then my next memory is about that bastard Kamoshida’s. …Yeah… I’m starting to remember more…”

: “Guards again!? And there are more of them this time!”

: “Dammit… we got careless!”

: “Let’s run!”

: Also not a forced battle.

: Oh wow, I didn’t know Roy Guarder from acclaimed Zelda clone Two Brothers was in Mementos.

: This area introduces Chernobog as a regular encounter. On the left is this dungeon’s new treasure demon: Hope Diamond.

: The room past where the former palace bosses were is mostly skippable, but it’s one of the only rooms where you can encounter this dungeon’s red shadow.

: Abaddon is a big, tanky fuck who absorbs Physical, Gun, and Curse. He’s neutral against everything else except Bless, which he resists. This is a significant buff from the base game, where he was weak to Nuke and Psychic.

: Fortunately, we get a Gun Down against him which immediately erases half of his HP.

: His magic defense is also on the low side, allowing Chi You to hit four digits without concentrating.

: The next area has a miniboss right at the start to introduce us to the second half of the glowing floor puzzles.

: “There’s something shining back there… what could it be?”

: “Either way, if it is worth being protected, it should be safe to assume that it’s of value to us. What do you think, Joker? Shall we defeat it and take whatever it is protecting?”

: This miniboss is a pair of Thrones, the only class of angel we never bothered to fuse because they’re just not that useful. They learn Fire Amp and Inferno… but we have Mada already.

: Yusuke laughs at their pathetic attempts to kill him instantly.

: Throne is weak to Nuclear, so we let Big Mike handle this one.

: This fight maxes out Ryuji, who is still trash compared to Yusuke.

: It also maxes out Morgana, who now has the best heal spell in the game.

: Makoto learns Atomic Flare. Keep in mind those stats are before the +11 to everything from her gun. She’s easily the strongest character we have.

: “Hm… what do you think this could be used for…?”

: “Who knows? It’ll prolly come in handy though. I mean, that strong-ass Shadow was guardin’ it.”

: Joker would like to remind you that horny jail is a very real place.

: “…Do you think that could be the Quarantine Cell we heard about?”

: The disk we got opens a closet. Looking back, I’m not entirely sure why this is necessary for this particular puzzle, but we’ll need to do something similar for a bunch of upcoming ones.

: The idea is that you can use the closet as a free space to reset the tile in front of it.

: “We’re so far underground at this point…”

: “I hope we don’t suddenly find ourselves in a giant pool of lava.”

: “Still, we gotta keep going!”

: “Doesn’t that cell seem… different from the others?”

: “Wait… could this be that Quarantine Cell?”

: “Supposedly the most sinful, most dangerous inmate is held within…”

: I think you can guess who that inmate is. He’s five foot something, gay, and has never been horny except for Yusuke. Technically, it’s someone else - but we all know it’s really Joker.

: “This… this place smells familiar for some reason…”

: “Mona-chan?”

: “…There’s no mistake. This is it. I… was born here.”

: He was born in horny jail! That explains his constant thirst for human women, and also Joker!

: “Born? Inside the prison?”

: “Wait, then are YOU the dangerous inmate!?”

: “No… the inmate wasn’t me… but I remember this place… someone created me here. To guide all of you…”

: “Guide? And who is this someone?”

: “Ngh… I can’t remember… damn it… I’m so close, but my memory is too foggy…”

: “Y’know, hearin’ all this just makes me wanna know what’s inside.”

: We have to eat a couple of attacks, none of which do all that much damage.

: “Given how important this cell appears to be, the depths of Mementos must be near. Mona’s memories may return if we continue on…”

: “Yeah…”

: “So, we’re finally gettin’ close to the public’s Treasure, huh?”

: “Now that I think about it, it makes sense Mementos would connect to some place like underneath Shibuya. Everyone crams themselves into packed underground boxes day after day without any complaints…”

: “From my standpoint, those are the true inmates of Mementos. It’s no surprise the places are connected.”

: “You know, the voices of the public may have led the Phantom Thieves on more than any criminal…”

: SMART GIRL

: “Seriously! Let’s hurry up and steal that Treasure so we can crush Mementos!”

: “We truly are reforming society. Let’s go!”

: The next area has Orochi in it, who dies about as quickly as you’d expect.

: Now we get to deal with ADVANCED stupid floor puzzles.

: I make it down this far and then the tiles go red.

: The trick here is that there’s a semi-transparent bridge behind where the party is in this shot, and you’re supposed to do a circuit by using the bridge.

: “Reality is ending? That is similar to what the others in the prison are saying… what could that mean?”

: Most of the NPCs here keep talking about the apocalypse. We’ll see what that is… soon.

: There’s a big dumb area here with a bunch of stupid floor puzzles. I’m going to skim over it because this is even less of a dungeon than Shido’s was.

: The trick is to do the left side first, then the right side, then the top. This opens up some walls so that you can do the top puzzle in less than ten moves. There is a kind of mercy mechanic where if you hit the last tile (the one with the pillar on it) on your 10th move, it will still let you finish the puzzle.

: There’s one last save point, and then it’s time for a boss fight.

: “It’s huge… I didn’t realize such a gigantic place existed here…”

: “Is… this where everyone’s Treasure is held?”

: “But this ominously bizarre air about it… it almost feels like a temple of sorts. Although…”

: “Look, th-there’s no point freakin’ out now! C’mon, let’s go!”

: Well, there’s the boss. Time to go kill it.

: “And… what’s that thing in the middle?”

: “There are no other passages leading out of this room. It appears this is our final destination… the depths of Mementos.”

: Kind of funny that it’s Fox telling us about Final Destination.

: “In that case, is the Treasure of Mementos somewhere in here?”

: “I’ve never been here… but I can sense it. There’s no mistaking that presence. If we get rid of it… if we get rid of it, the public should come to its senses!”

: “But something that large will be impossible to carry out of here.”

: “We just gotta make it disappear, right? If we can’t move it, then we’ll just hafta destroy it!”

: “Yeah… that will work.”

: “Once we do that, the entire Metaverse is going to disappear, right? This is finally it…”

: “That thing isn’t gonna sit back and let itself get destroyed.”

: “Even the inmates are starting to liven up. How eerie… are they planning something?”

: “That must mean this thing’s gotta be the Treasure. They saved us the trouble of checkin’!”

: “…Hold on. Something’s off. Shido said the masses are allowing themselves to be held captive here. Could they truly be operating this gigantic system that eliminates intruders on its own?”

: “The prison guards and soldiers were very organized too…”

: “Are you trying to say that someone else rules this place? Is it not the public?”

: “We don’t have time to worry about that! Leave it for later!”

: “All right, guys! We better not lose now!”

: We start out with our usual boss killing repertoire: Concentrate and Thermopylae. Rivers in the Desert is playing in the background, because Atlus was too cheap to make a theme for this boss.

: The boss has only one attack: Arrow of Light. It does Almighty damage, but only attacks one target and never actually hit during this fight.

: With one salvo of attacks, we’ve reduced the boss to 50% HP. That seems… oddly specific, doesn’t it? That’s because we’ve just triggered the script. The game skips Joker’s turn.

: The prisoners start chanting the words “Holy Grail”.

: The boss then heals itself for somewhere between 900 and 1000 damage in a loop until it is at full health.

: “What was that!? Don’t tell me… are the inmates giving it their strength!?”

: “Dammit! This is never gonna end!”

: “It seems hopeless if there are this many inmates supporting it…”

: The game won’t reveal the boss’s name until we fight it for real, but I’ll tell you exactly what it is: it’s Yaldabaoth… also known as the Demiurge… also known as YHVH. We are killing God because this is a JRPG.

: “Who’s that!?”

: “The Treasure’s talking!?”

: “The Holy Grail…”

: “Dammit! They’re worshipin’ that thing!”

: Yaldabaoth becomes a disco ball.

: Even with all those lights, it still can’t hit anyone.

: This time, we don’t even get past Makoto’s turn.

: “No… did it heal again…!? We can’t lose! Keep attacking!”

: Every time Yaldabaoth heals, it gets slightly lighter.

: Third round. A charged Hassou Tobi is enough to send it into heal mode.

: Fourth round. Ann and Makoto unleash their Concentrated fourth-tier spells.

: “No fair! This is cheating!”

: “If this is really how people feel, there’s no way we’ll be able to steal their hearts… we’ve come here for nothing…”

: “This is horrible…”

: This is a very common line uttered by YHVH in the main SMT games, usually after he’s been killed off.

: “Is this what everyone wants? To stop thinking and be guided by the Holy Grail?”

: What Joker’s saying is that while there are those who think that life leaves nothing left to chance and is an aimless dance directed by a host of holy horrors, he will choose a path that’s clear - he will choose free will… and Yusuke.

: “Yes… it’s so frustrating it makes me want to to cry… but I… I will never agree!”

: “The humans I look up to aren’t like that… no matter how painful reality is, it’s all over if you don’t try to change how things are! I’m not the only one who believes that! Everyone here agrees…”

: “We don’t want to turn back into the people we used to be! That’s why we risked our lives coming here!”

: “Mona-chan…”

: “He’s right!”

: “That’s a load of shit!”

: Ryuji’s right, if I got a full turn in any of those fights, Yaldabaoth would be dead.

: “Encroach? What is it gonna do!?”

: “Hey, this doesn’t look good!”

: “I’ve got a bad feeling about this…”

: “Mona! What should we do!?”

: “Humans aren’t all stupid like you say they are!”

: I’d believe it if it wasn’t Hashino saying it, because he thinks his viewers are fucking idiots.

: “Hell no…”

: The voice here is entirely synthetic, and there’s a good reason for that… which we’ll see next update.

: “Huh!? Who’s that!?”

: “N-No way… I see… so that’s how it was… I remember everything now…”

: “Is everyone okay!?”

: “Owww… of course we are!”

: “Oh! Hey, our clothes are back to normal!”

: “Look!”

: “We’re back!?”

: “We didn’t come back ourselves though… we must’ve been driven out by the Holy Grail.”

: “Did we lose?”

: “I know that, but…”

: It is a fucking CRIME that this didn’t happen way earlier in the game. This feels like Persona 1, and holy shit they could’ve done so much with this. Why the fuck didn’t they go with this instead of the palace fuckery?

: We’ve got Saya no fucking Uta going on here and it fucking rules! Why was this not the entire game!?

: “Huh? Tch, the hell is this? What’s going on!? Kaoru… Kaoru!”

: “Is this scenery… for real?”

: “What on earth!? This is impossible… why doesn’t anyone notice this!?”

: “Damn, looks like I should take this seriously…”

: “…! Oh no… something wrong’s happened to the world!”

: “What’s going on here!?”

: “Wh-what the hell is happening here?”

: “I hope those kids are safe…”

: They absolutely needed a scene where the rain of blood hits Sae and she turns into her shadow.

: “Everyone else isn’t seeing this?”

: You’ll notice that someone is conspicuously missing from this cutscene. Actually, TWO someones. There’s a good reason for that, believe it or not.

: I’m pretty sure smartphone sales were already starting to tank in 2016.

: “Why isn’t anyone noticing this abnormality?”

: “It’s probably because they don’t feel that it’s odd…”

: “Ooh… I feel… woozy… nngh…”

: The reason this is happening is fucking stupid.

: Okay, but… isn’t that just Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunnygirl Senpai, which has been around since 2014?

: The thing is, this makes no sense. There’s at least ten people other than the party who know they exist, plus the party knows that they exist.

: I call bullshit on this, the boss couldn’t even fucking land a hit. Joker should be taking maybe 1 damage from this.

: And now we know why Mishima changed the question.

: Well, that sucks. Next time, we’ll see the “Richter Mode” where you play as a party of Hifumi, Shinya, Iwai and Kawakami. Oh wait, that would be good game design. No, we’ll be seeing a bunch of bullshit cutscenes and another bad ending.

[drcakey]

Congratulations on reaching triple goddamn digits on updates. But Your Battle Continues…

@Timrod

: “A system that grants… desires?”

Fate/stay night is, what, 18 years old at this point? It’s old enough to vote (but not in Japan), which I guess makes it old enough to join the Hallowed Hall of References, alongside Lupin and Doraemon and Berserk and that anime with the blue spaceman in it.

(EDIT: The Holy Grail is specifically described as a “wish-granting system” in FSN.)

While I’m thinking about it, I want to make a rare positive comment about P5: it isn’t Fate. Let’s count our fucking blessings about that.

@Timrod

I thought society was the prison and you were voluntarily…nope. Never mind. I’m not asking questions.

@Timrod

: This is a very common line uttered by YHVH in the main SMT games, usually after he’s been killed off.

This LP has been going on so long I might’ve said this already, but the whole “I will return as long as evil exists in the hearts of men, etc” line is a stock Japanese media cliche. It’s so ubiquitous that SMT has even parodied it…

@Black Frost

Even if you fuse me, so long as evil is in people’s hearts, my power will never die, ho…

Black Frost’s not dead he’s surely alive, he’s living on the inside roaring like a snowman, motherfucker.

@Timrod

: And now we know why Mishima changed the question.

Yep, you can’t control a totalitarian state without ~20% of the vote, and the Phantom Thieves only have 16.5%. Thus they dissolve into Thanos ash. Or whatever happened in Infinity War, I haven’t seen it.

You asked why P5 didn’t go to the Bone Zone halfway through the game and instead waited for the very end for something to happen. I think there’s two ways to look at it. First, if all this blood and bone stuff had appeared earlier, then something would have happened, and that would be unacceptable.

Alternatively, you could look at it like this. One could argue that the P1 and P2 were both, in different ways, defined by having two different worlds (real world and the world created by the Deva System, and the worlds in IS and EP). But the first Persona game, P3, is static. So it’s tradition.

[Pizuz]

@Timrod

: Well, that sucks. Next time, we’ll see the “Richter Mode” where you play as a party of Hifumi, Shinya, Iwai and Kawakami. Oh wait, that would be good game design. No, we’ll be seeing a bunch of bullshit cutscenes and another bad ending.

I don’t quite remember you showing off any bad ending, yet. You just hinted that selling out your team during Sae’s interrogation would lead into a bad ending, but didn’t post the actual result of doing so. Are you still planning to post all that stuff?

[SpammyV]

@Timrod

: “More importantly, does this look like captivity to you? Why, it’s the exact opposite. The utmost freedom is available to anyone who desires it here. This is the freedom to not make decisions… the release from having to think for yourself.”

: “It is far more marvelous than the country I wished to create…”

Also this ending reminds me of a comic I think I read a long time ago about a lady that literally stops existing because she stops posting every single thing she does on social media. Whoops Joker didn’t shout out where he just got coffee, everyone forgot he existed.

[Timrod]

Click Here for Update 101

: “It appears I have overestimated you…”

: Joker does not give a fuck. The only two things he cares about are where Yusuke is and how he’s going to get around Yaldabaoth’s cutscene powers.

: chuckle

: “You incompetent prisoner!”

: “The assistance we provided was all for naught.”

: “Humans are more apathetic… and more foolish than I had thought them to be. The world will soon see its ruin…”

: “You were meant to bring change to mankind as a Trickster, but it seems that was too much for you. In accordance to the game’s rules, the defeated must pay a price. Your life is forfeit.”

: “Executed?”

: “God’s decree is absolute. My experiment has come to naught… everything is over. Grant that man a swift death.”

: Fuck you, Hashino! Fuck you! You’ve used this fucking plot three fucking times now! Three! Stop fucking stealing from Satomi Tadashi and write a fucking plot!

: In case you’re wondering, yes, this is another Innocent Sin “god betting on whether humanity will destroy itself” plot… except in this case, it’s Yaldabaoth betting against itself.

: The thing is, when your plot revolves around gods betting on humanity’s destruction, you kind of need gods. Plural. You need a Philemon or a Lucifer (or a Dagda) to give your Nyarlathotep or YHVH a reason they can’t immediately proceed to “raise Xibalba and kill everyone” or “kill everyone and bring in the Millennium Kingdom”.

: Now, I’m not going to say that Persona 4 didn’t have the same problem, because it absolutely did. The thing is, with Persona 4 it wasn’t clear that Izanami planned to kill everyone - she basically only gave a shit about watching two proxy versions of her husband kill each other for her amusement.

: “If that’s what our master wishes…”

: “I-It just means that you weren’t an upstanding prisoner!”

: “That… may be true, but…”

: “What is the matter? Carry out his sentence at once!”

: “Are we really going to kill him?”

: “Don’t falter now! It’s all his fault for losing the game!”

: This is another thing I think is super fucking lazy. Remember back when we finished Caroline and Justine’s confidant, how they look at their list and realize something?

: This is where that’s going to come into play… only there’s no different scene if you’ve maxed them out. There should have been, with a variant if you’ve also done all the outings with them.

: The door to Joker’s cell blows apart.

: “Ready, Justine?”

: “If our master orders so… then it cannot be helped…”

: “…Understood.”

: This is another thing I think is SUPER FUCKING LAZY.

: You do actually get to fight Caroline and Justine… as optional superbosses… in New Game Plus only. The dumb part is that by that point the fight isn’t a challenge because you have Joker’s true ultimate Persona that can wipe them in a single hit. They also get replaced in Royal with a superboss who is SIGNIFICANTLY harder.

: Not that you can’t do that with the DLC Personas. One of the paid ones is Izanagi no Okami, the ultimate, NG+ - only Persona of the Persona 4 protagonist. He has a trait that makes all damage done scale with how complete your compendium is (he also takes less damage based on that). I’ve seen videos of people wiping every boss in the game with him in a single hit.

: Ironically, we make the scripting here actually work by being so high-level. Unfortunately, it doesn’t take Lucifer into account.

: What the shit is that pose?

: “This power… Caroline, it’s as I thought!”

: “What’s the matter?”

: “I told you not to falter! Are you going against our master’s orders!?”

: “Ngh…”

: In most cases, Joker is already at 1HP by this point. The game doesn’t take into account Joker’s insane magic defense because of his armor.

: Anyway, since I’m not going all the way back through NG+ in the base game to do the real version of this fight, I’ll just show off the key highlight of it instead. Note that you can do it at any time, that’s why that person has Akechi in their party.

: The way the fight works is that it’s on a constant six-turn timer. You have to advance the fight to the next phase by removing around 25% of their total HP or they automatically end the fight with that All-Out. The first time they reach 50% HP, they Diarahan themselves.

: Unlike Elizabeth and Margaret (who both go into an auto-fuck mode if you null, repel, or drain anything), you can make that full-absorb Yoshitsune or an all-reflect Arahabaki and win the fight that way. In fact, the easiest route to fighting them is using that Yoshitsune and spamming Hassou Tobi until you win.

: “Our duty isn’t to kill him! Caroline!”

: “What gives…? Why am I doubting myself? Is there… another duty left to us…!?”

: “I believe I ordered his execution.”

: “…”

: “…”

: “Master… have you forsaken humanity?”

: “We are wardens - those who rehabilitate prisoners.”

: “What?”

: “Something speaks to me in my mind. Our true duty is not to kill…”

: “That is the truth we had forgotten.”

: “We’ve decided… we will not forsake humanity!”

: “It’s as if they’re the same… yet mirrored…”

: Meet the reason why Caroline and Justine’s confidant cuts off on The Last Day.

: “I finally remember… how we were torn ‘apart’.”

: chuckle

: “So we were captives, same as you… heh… to think we’d learn that truth from a prisoner.”

: “Let us reclaim our true form!”

: “You must fuse us together, with your own hands.”

: Joker’s like: “Wait, you can fuse PEOPLE in that? Holy shit, where’s Haru, I’m going to fuse her with some bangs.”

: “It’s time you returned the favor for us assisting with your growth. Do it with care!”

: Joker’s too busy mentally going over how he could fuse his party members. “Could I fuse Yusuke with Morgana, just enough to make Yusuke a catboy but not enough to make him horny or annoying?”

: Meet Lavenza. In Royal, she’s the boss who replaces Caroline and Justine. She’s also SIGNIFICANTLY harder - she can pierce resistances and has a bunch of stupid rules that have to be followed.

: Caroline and Justine realized what they were during their confidant, which is why this scene is so dumb.

: “I was torn apart by a malevolent will and took the form of those twins. I sought help before my body was split in two.”

: Joker: “Okay wait, you can split people too? Hold on, I need to think about this.”

: “…I believed in you. I knew that you would make it this far. And to the scoundrel who has swindled my master’s name… your lies shall work no longer now that my sight has been restored!”

: “Be careful.”

: Joker could easily kill the fake Igor right now, by himself.

: “If I were to put it into words that you can comprehend, I am the Holy Grail that grants wishes… no… it may be more accurate to say that I’m a god who responds to desire and holds dominion over man.”

: “I hoped seeing a righteous thief vanquish evil would spur mankind to change their own indolent hearts. However… the result is as you know - the masses have made it so none of it has transpired.”

: “Humans should be met with ruin: you brought forth that answer. But to be frank, Inmate, I believe it may be worth reevaluating you.”

: “A human has reached the Holy Grail and has seen through my true identity… you’ve surprised the god that I am often enough. That cannot be done by a foolish commoner. You truly were a prisoner that did not bore me.”

: But… Joker didn’t really do any of those things. Caroline and Justine were the ones who saw through the fake Igor, and Joker would’ve fucking murdered Yaldabaoth if it didn’t have cutscene powers.

: Vishnu is honestly kinda trash. He’s the only source of the trait that reduces the cost of Wind spells by 75%, but has worse stats across the board than Baal does.

: “Should you wish it, I shall return the world to its prior state - one rampant with distorted masses.”

: “You forcefully dragged him into the Metaverse and imposed an ordeal he did not deserve… yet you still intend on toying with him!?”

: “The Phantom Thieves will be praised and gain fame. The world will escape ruin as well… what say you?”

: What Joker is actually thinking: “Wait, okay. I split Morgana from “catboy” into “cat” and “boy” and then fuse the “cat” part with Yusuke. Then we can split Haru into Haru and Haru’s Forehead and presumably toss the forehead into some kind of astral garbage can.”

: There is a short bad ending if you accept his deal, but I really don’t feel like re-recording this given how long the cutscenes are, so here’s a video.

: “Well said.”

: “Such irredeemable foolishness… you choose death for yourself? Very well. I have no need for you.”

: Meet the real Igor. He is voiced entirely posthumously by Isamu Tanonoka. Remember how at the end of the scene where Joker dies I said there was a synthetic voice for a good reason? That’s why.

: Tanonoka died in 2010, before the production of Persona 4 Golden - all of the lines in Golden (and his appearances in the P4 anime) were taken from lines originally recorded for Persona 4. I believe all of the lines in Persona 5 were taken directly from Persona 4.

: Strangely, there was a second voiceactor by the name of Takeshi Aono who played Igor in a drama CD for Persona 2 who also died… in 2012. It’s likely that they’re going to replace Igor with an older Jose in Persona 6, if and when that happens.

: “Master!”

: “Oh my… it’s been quite a while since I last stepped foot in this place… welcome to the Velvet Room. My name is Igor. I am pleased to make your acquaintance.”

: “He is the rightful master of this Velvet Room, the true aid on your journey.”

: “It may be difficult for you to understand this all at once.”

: “If I were to summarize this, the ‘fake’ has left, and the ‘real’ has returned.”

: In the credits, the voice of the fake Igor (Masane Tsukuyama in Japanese) is credited simply as “Warden”.

: “Indeed…”

: “My master has returned, and you won against that malevolent god’s temptation. Thus, you may be able to save this world that is headed toward certain ruin. However, it will prove difficult to win against him with your power alone…”

: chuckle “This place exists between dream and reality, mind and matter…”

: “They have not necessarily expired yet. Just as you were trapped here, they should be confined somewhere as well… since you’ve deepened your bond with them, I am certain you can release them.”

: “Once they - the Phantom Thieves - are all gathered here… we will tell you everything.”

: Reach out to the Truth was Persona 4, Igor.

: Joker runs directly to Yusuke, because without him, nothing else matters.

: “As I expected, you appear to be safe… however, where exactly are we?”

: “Velvet…Room? I’m not sure I understand…”

: “At first, I was surprised to see the masses chained in a prison, yet here I am as well… considering the state of the real world… it is hard to say that we were even remotely helpful…”

: “This situation… can we truly handle such horrid circumstances? All the Phantom Thieves can do is change the hearts of others. However, the world outside has become a veritable hell. Nothing within our power can fix that…”

: No boyfriend of Joker’s is going to give up that easily.

: “I’m merely acknowledging how powerless I am. The people of this world desired their enslavement. That isn’t all… they screamed at us for attacking the Holy Grail, defended it…”

: “Even the criminals whose hearts we changed became meek followers of the Holy Grail because of us. We were truly that foolish, risking our lives for a result nobody desired?”

: Joker: “Yusuke, stop spouting anime gibberish.”

: “I… that’s right. It wasn’t just for recognition from those we were helping. My purpose lies elsewhere… when we first met… you continued to impose yourselves on me no matter how much I pushed you away.”

: “I will forever treasure what you did for me. …Very well! Just as art is meant to break boundaries, people should be saved even if they frown upon it. I won’t allow the justice I believe in to be shaken any further!”

: “Being by your side truly gives rise to the greatest ideas!”

: “Ah, yes! We cannot afford to leave reality in the hellish state it’s currently in. I will make sure of my role as an artist and paint over the distortions of society!”

: “Well then, time to go and see this through. I’ll witness with my own two eyes that this world isn’t bound by some Holy Grail. Given my circumstance, I expect the others to be trapped here as well…”

: “Then perhaps everyone else will be in the same state I was… Joker, I can sense no shadows nearby. I will remain on standby in this location. I request that you go save the rest of our teammates.”

: “It would… likely be best if you did so alone.”

: So here’s the thing. We have to do this once for every party member. They pretty much all have the same dialog, except adjusted to be in their ‘voice’, the way the alternate party member dialog was in Persona 1.

: I’ll show them all off anyway, but this way you can skip the rest. We do Makoto’s last.

: “I’m relieved… looks like we’re both still alive.”

: “Am I really safe though? Shibuya… what happened? And… where are we?”

: “Velvet Room? That name sounds pretty kick-ass…”

: “I guess my fears turned out to be true… the real world is a scary place… pain like this can never reach you if you keep yourself cooped up indoors…”

: Tell that to the guy who hides in the shipping container at the start of Resident Evil 3.

: “Who am I to think I can tell the people what to do? I mean, I used to be a shut-in myself… dammit… I just wanna go home… but even that would be tough now.”

: “Giving up would be too painful. You know, I think… I’ve changed. I don’t know when it happened… but I can’t… I can’t let people suffer like this, even if I don’t know them personally.”

: “Honestly, this all seems like a bit too much… but… but…”

: “…Mm-hm. I’ve known the right answer from the very beginning. …I don’t want to run away from this. I ran from my mom’s death for so long… I misunderstood it…”

: “Everything was just too painful for me to handle. But… I never want to be left in the dark again!”

: I feel like it’s more her than the Persona. Baofu had the same Persona and he had no problem lighting shit on fire.

: “Because I want to learn the truth. That’s how I really feel! Well, I’ve come this far… I’ll follow you wherever you go, on my own two feet!”

: “…Thanks. I’m so happy. Like, so much that I can’t even express it in my normal words! Anyway, we’re going up against a god. I couldn’t even leave my own room before, but now we’re gonna beat a god! I’m so pumped!”

: “And wait a sec… I just noticed I got out of here on my own! Tadaaaah! A real jailbreak!”

: “Whoa, you’re quick to act! That’s what makes you dependable! All right, time to get back at it!”

: She gives the same speech about us having to save everyone else, which I’ll skip because it’s generic dialog. Not that the entire thing we just saw wasn’t.

: “Thank goodness you’re safe…”

: “Oh, yeah… huh… so I’m not in heaven after all… that means the hell that Shibuya turned into was all real…”

: Heaven was another song that blows all of the Persona 5 dungeon themes out of the water. Persona 4 had some really good dungeon tracks. It also had a REALLY good remix.

: “…I’m so weak. When I thought I was gonna die, I… started trembling. I was just so scared. At that moment, nothing mattered. The justice of our actions was the last thing on my mind.”

: So what you’re saying is that you can’t get your mind out of those memories? Now you’re trying to tell them ‘don’t take my dream’?

: “Joker… you kept going even through a plan that might have ended up killing you. Yet look at me. I’ve always said I’m doing this for other people, but that didn’t get me far…”

: “Haha, it’s no wonder we lost. Maybe I should’ve just behaved myself and stayed out of all this…”

: “That’s… you’re right. I could never abandon her. If I whine like this now, I’d just be betraying Shiho… no, I’d be betraying myself! I could never forget how I felt that day.”

: “I…I never want anyone to have to go through what I did! I’ve made up my mind. I’m going to keep looking forward. Things like dying or losing aren’t important now. All that matters is that I don’t return to my old self.”

: “…I’ll never make a mistake like that again. I swear it!”

: “Gotcha, Joker! It would be a disgrace to the John Persona name if we didn’t take such a big Treasure! We’re going to put an end to this, aren’t we? Let’s go!”

: “You’re safe… oh, thank goodness!”

: Joker: “Okay Haru listen I found a way to cure your godawful haircut, I need you to get in the guillotine Haru. It makes sense I swear.”

: “R-Right… considering everything that has happened to the city, I wonder if the citizenry is okay… although, it seemed like we were the only ones able to see it…”

: “You know, the moment I disappeared, I honestly thought I was about to die. But… part of me wasn’t afraid. I knew that was all I could do… and looked forward to apologizing to Father face to face…”

: Is there even an afterlife in the SMT universe? I mean, other than becoming a ghost and telling the Demifiend to fuck off?

: “Honestly, I thought I had changed, but I realize now that I still have no control over my life… it makes me sick…”

: “I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to deal with my whining… you’re going to try and defeat that thing again, aren’t you? Don’t push yourself to get me to come along. You can always leave me here if I’ll slow you down…”

: Does she really think Joker would leave her when we have Ryuji and Morgana to leave behind?

: “That’s…”

: “Even if there are times where I think there’s nothing I can do… I’ll never stop fighting for you, or our team! …I won’t give up anymore.”

: “Just as I betrayed my distorted father before, I will betray my boring former self now!”

: “Before I met you, I had great admiration for the Phantom Thieves of Justice… and… it’s turned out you were exactly the person I always imagined you would be.”

: “This is the second time you’ve rescued me. I’ve secretly longed for a situation like this.”

: “We haven’t lost yet.”

: “Looks like we’re both somehow still alive and kickin’… but… where at?”

: “Huh? Velvet…? Man, this prison cell kinda makes me think of when we first met…”

: “And remember how Shibuya was all effed up just now? But like, nobody was seein’ any of it. No, it was more like they didn’t wanna see any of it. What the hell…”

: “So even all them people who were sufferin’, and cheerin’ for us to come and help ‘em… in reality, they would’ve rather just had everything stay how it was? Did what we were doin’ have any meanin’ at all?”

: I mean, when push came to shove… no. Not really. That’s the biggest flaw in this game’s godawful plot.

: “Haha, you’re so freakin’ tough… Y’know, back when I thought we were gonna die without learnin’ the truth about all this… I kinda felt for the first time that maybe we hadn’t been doin’ the right thing…”

: This feels like Hashino reading back through his script, realizing it’s a fucking trainwreck, and then realizing it’s too late to do anything about it and that he’s going to have to live with it.

: “That maybe we deserved to lose… you get me?”

: “Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, I started all this ‘cause of how pissed off I was. Maybe it’s never been about winnin’ or anything like that… maybe all I was doin’ was continuin’ my own defiance…”

: “Akira… haha… you’re right. I get it now… we’re doin’ this to make sure people don’t gotta go through the same crap we did. It doesn’t matter if they think we’re just or not. We gotta do what we believe in!”

: “Heh, and it’s not like people think much of me anyways. I’m gonna dash through this the only way I know how!”

: “Thanks… y’know, it’s kinda embarrassin’ to say this, but I’m real glad I met you. All right, I’m done gettin’ my ass kicked! That shiny bastard acts like it’s some kinda god… I ain’t gonna feel good 'til we deal with it.”

: “Let’s head out. We’re gonna take down that asshole, yeah?”

: “What a relief. You’re safe!”

: “Huh? I, um… by the way, why have you remained in your phantom thief attire while I am back in regular clothes? Could this mean that the will of rebellion is no longer within me?”

: I like to think that Joker has already left and she’s monologue-ing at nothing.

: “…That may be true. We have to fight that Holy Grail again, correct? Could you imagine defeating it, Joker? That monster has the support of the masses, and with it, nearly an infinite amount of power…”

: “I… no matter which way I approach the subject in my head, nothing points to our victory.”

: This entire monologue sounds like it was ripped straight out of one of those pages in Akagi where Washizu is fantasizing about being a god.

: “I think I finally, genuinely understand the pain my father and my sister were burdened with… victory against a single criminal is meaningless… the true enemy is society itself.”

: Shut the fuck up! Shut up! Fuck! Stop with the goddamn pseudo-intellectual bullshit!

: “And even against that foe, you still have to try to somehow emerge victorious. I don’t know what to do…”

: “Believe… in myself… hm… chuckle You got me. Regardless, this isn’t a situation with a straightforward answer… but even if there is no clear solution, I’ll just have to make one… with my own two hands.”

: “Before you guys came along, my life was defined by rules, set on a path of someone else’s choosing… but only a true loser would live such a rigid life!”

: “I… I will win… even if it means going up against the entire world!”

: “I want the people of the world to see what you’ve shown me!”

: “Right! Thank you. Having teammates you can trust is a great feeling. Shall we go? We can’t let our last big job end in failure!”

: “Huh? Whose voice was that? Joker, did you already rescue the others?”

: “Mona? What do you mean?”

: Has she already forgotten who Morgana is?

: “Who’re they?”

: “My name is Igor. I am the master of the Velvet Room.”

: “I am Lavenza, a resident of this place as well. We have been waiting for all of you.”

: “Velvet Room?”

: Metal Gear!?

: “My master has just been released from a long period of imprisonment. His powers have not fully returned. Though it may be presumptuous of me, I will speak on his-”

: “Hey, where’s Morgana?”

: “Would you like to see him?”

: “…He’s right over there.”

: Here’s the funny part of this. You can go right past this cell while running around looking for the party, and you won’t see Morgana there. The only place he could hide in there is in the toilet, so…

: “I… was born here. It was to dispel an evil being from man’s spiritual world…”

: “Mona?”

: “My role was to find the Trickster and help him defeat it. That’s why I was created here by my master.”

: “Indeed.”

: “I really remember everything. When this place was about to be taken over, my master gathered the last traces of mankind’s hope. …He mustered up his remaining strength to make me.”

: Yes, this technically makes Morgana a servant of Philemon by proxy.

: “The entity that calls itself a god is a malevolent will that forces man into everlasting servitude. It hopes to attain eternal peace by filling reality with those who have stopped thinking for themselves.”

: It wants the Millennium Kingdom. That’s exactly what the Millennium Kingdom is.

: “…That is the ruin of man that this evil god envisions.”

: “I…um…don’t get what you’re sayin’ at all-”

: “Be quiet and listen! We don’t have much time left!”

: “Wait a moment. The Holy Grail is… a ‘god’? I was wondering why it had a will of its own, but are you implying that it isn’t a Treasure?”

: “No. As the distorted desires of the masses, it is most certainly the core of Mementos itself.”

: “Then… did the Treasure become a god because people wished to be ruled over?”

: “That is correct. To decide the fate of the world, it chose two people and pitted them against each other. One - Goro Akechi - incited the masses’ distortion. Had he won, the world would have been destroyed and remade.”

: “The other was a Trickster who would stand up against this… that was Akira Kurusu.”

: Fuck this shit! This is word for fucking word the plot to Persona 4. This is what happens when you take a creatively bankrupt fuckhead like Hashino and put him in charge of fucking anything!

: “If Akira won, the human world would be left as is… those were the conditions of the game - at least, that’s what should’ve happened.”

: Right here, I’d like to paraphrase a quote from Mahjong Legend Akagi. The quote is: “If my intention was to not honor the bet, why would I have made the bet in the first place!?”

: This plot point worked in Persona 4 specifically because Izanami intended to honor the bet. It doesn’t work at all if the bet was pointless to begin with!

: “That malevolent being knew that a revolution would not occur within indolent humans. After all, it is the masses’ distorted desires incarnate. However, my true master believed in humanity.”

: “He believed that a Trickster would rise among the people and accomplish this change. But that evil entity laughed at the prospect, and sought to prove the powerlessness of man with the game.”

: And this is Hashino’s weak-ass reason for the Demiurge not simply going full on YHVH immediately - she’s talking about Philemon… which would also make this a direct ripoff of Innocent Sin.

: But that makes even less sense! The whole point of Nyarlathotep’s bet in Innocent Sin was that he knew he could break the rules as much as he wanted and Philemon would still honor the bet!

: “And Akira Kurusu had great potential… which is why it approached him. It helped train the Trickster, only to cast him into despair, using the masses who rejected their savior.”

: WHY!? That doesn’t make any fucking sense! None of this makes any fucking sense! The Demiurge’s entire plan is to not honor the bet! Did it even train Akechi? I’m guessing it didn’t… or maybe it did, given how incompetent it seems to be.

: “This was likely its means to nip in the bud anything that would pose a threat. Now that I think back to when I was separated, I felt a disagreement to the word ‘rehabilitation’.”

: I… don’t get it. You’re telling me the Demiurge trained Joker as an insurance policy… against what!? If anything, that statement only makes sense if you assume someone ELSE trained Joker! Fuck!

: “Of course I did… it was just a means for the fake to keep you under surveillance.”

: “Basically, this guy was dragged into a game where the evil god rigged the outcome.”

: Except it didn’t rig the outcome, because Joker just beat it to within an inch of its life!

: “Dammit, what the hell!?”

: Oh, right. Isn’t this just Persona 1 now?

: “You do not exist because reality is replete with the cognition of those who deny the Phantom Thieves. It can be said that the world is one step away from the evil god’s machinations.”

: “However, there is still hope, Akira Kurusu… now that the evil god’s identity has been exposed, you can see your rehabilitation to its completion. Only you can leave this prison and save this distorted world and its captive people…”

: “Young man, guided by Morgana and worthy of the Trickster name… you must challenge the evil god and reclaim your existence in reality. Are you up to the task?”

: At the end of the day, this is another generic Dragon Quest “hero must defeat the Demon Lord” plot.

: “Let’s destroy that annoying, shiny Treasure jerk for sure this time!”

: “Excellent… there is nothing to fear. You already possess the strength to oppose this evil god.”

: “Our mutual friend knows where the exit is. Morgana, please guide them. And thank you for all that you’ve done. It’s a cruel responsibility that’s been cast upon you…”

: “I will accept your words of appreciation fully when everything is over. Now follow me!”

: “That’s our exit. Come on, let’s go.”

: “Oh, right… this is where we were when our bodies disappeared.”

: “It seems like people still haven’t realized that this abnormality has taken over the city…”

: “If I remember correctly, this is that Quarantine Cell…”

: “That’s right. It was actually the Velvet Room, which had been swallowed by the distortions.”

: “You did say you were born in there… it makes so much sense now.”

: “Wait… so if we came outta there, does that mean WE’RE the criminals!? No, it’s more like Akira! Since he was kept in here!”

: “Most likely, Joker had been under the malicious guidance of the evil god for quite some time. The Velvet Room originally existed to nurture the human mind, but after it was taken over…”

: “Uh, Mona… more importantly…”

: “It’s probably because my memories have returned. I know what my duty is now.”

: “This is different from how it was before. Do they see us?”

: “It doesn’t seem to be everyone though. Only a handful of people in this large crowd.”

: “Maybe it’s 'cause of Mona’s light!”

: “Either way, they remember the Phantom Thieves!”

: “The key of hope…”

: “Mona, guide us. Where must we go?”

: “The bastard from earlier should be in that temple!”

: “Heh, it’s nice knowin’ there aren’t gonna be any bullshit traps or nothing this time! All right, let’s get movin’!”

: This area is basically a hallway with a gauntlet of near-identical bosses in it.

: There’s an axe for Haru and a piece of armor off to the sides, but we don’t give a fuck.

: I’m going to skip the dialog here, because it’s that kind of generic “Uh-oh, Joker! There’s a boss ahead! Are you ready?” dialog.

: “You’re the one who’s disturbing it!”

: Is he mad about me fusing him into Lucifer? I bet he’s mad because I fused him into Lucifer.

: “It’s useless trying to reason with this guy! Let’s beat him and break through here!”

: The four bosses we’re about to fight are all identical: they’re blobs of HP with high magic defense that are neutral to everything but Bless.

: They also get two actions per turn, which Uriel uses to summon his harem.

: This is after charged and buffed attacks by Yusuke and Makoto.

: Yoshitsune just kinda shits on everything.

: “Took 'em long enough!”

: “I can’t believe they didn’t notice until the danger was so close to them…”

: “Things are going to get even worse from here on out… the entire city has stopped functioning. At least they can still panic for now…”

: There’s something kinda fucked up about that last line.

: “If people still don’t act for themselves after seeing all this… I’m sorry, but they’re hopeless!”

: “In any case, let’s head to the temple!”

: “The people in the city recognized us, so it’s only natural we’d draw the enemy’s attention as well.”

: “Well they can bring it on! I’m startin’ to get fired up!”

: This area has some very annoying enemies, including Abaddon (except stronger) and Mara. Almost none of them have a weakness.

: I grab an alarm and fuse Vishnu. While my original intention was to fuse him back to Baal, we don’t really have the money for that - mostly because there’s an intermediate step and I’d have to delete at least two Personas that I’d then have to pay to resummon.

New Persona: Vishnu

Origin: India

First Appearance: Megami Tensei II

Primary deity in Hinduism. Serves as a neutral point between Brahma and Shiva, and is responsible for ending the world and remaking it at the end of each aeon. Has hundreds of different forms ranging from a fish to the archer Rama, whose name may be familiar if you’ve played Hades.

: By the way, Lavenza does a dance during fusion alarms as well. Anyway, several annoying random encounters later…

: “Come on, let’s beat this one too! More people should notice the Phantom Thieves if we just make ourselves seen!”

: “That’s exactly what we want!”

: Like Uriel, Raphael is a big blob of magic defense - except he prefers to buff himself and charge instead of summoning.

: He instakills Ann and then tries to do the same to Joker. You know, you’d think that jumping up toward the sword would not be the best way to avoid that.

: One last area here in Airborne Valley of Defilement.

: Here, we run into the treasure demon for this area - Crystal Skull. I guess this explains those people turning into shadowmen.

: Now, I know what you’re thinking. “Wait, doesn’t Gabriel have Ali Dance?” No. In fact, the opposite happens.

: Joker: “You’re lying! I know the real Gabriel!”

: “Mercy? Don’t make me laugh! If you had mercy, you’d never be doing this to the world!”

: Compared to Raphael, Gabriel is a joke. She primarily attacks with Divine Judgement… which is incapable of killing anyone because it only reduces the target’s remaining HP by half.

: Gabriel gets two actual damage spells in, neither of which hits anyone.

: That’s a reflect, not Joker being hit.

: They will look up at Joker and cry “Save us!” and Joker will look down and whisper “Okay sure but make sure you legalize gay marriage.”

: “Indeed. Though they may not be true ‘servants of God’, they do live up to that moniker…”

: “I wonder if the people in the city will be okay…”

: “I hope so. Given what is happening to this world… nobody can be considered a stranger anymore…”

: “Yeah, that’s why we can’t lose… there’s only one thing we gotta do!”

: “Well said, Lady Ann! Let’s keep going!”

: This last area has a Soma in it. You might have noticed that the party’s SP has been a little low. There’s no warp points between the start of Blighttown and here, so this can be helpful.

: On the other side is a scarf for Morgana that comes with Regenerate 2.

: Joker: “I call bullshit! Michael is in my Persona storage right now!”

: “So that means you’re the last one who’s gonna get in our way!”

: “Not everyone wants that thing ruling over us!”

: “Like granting that wish is justice either! How can you say people are free when they’re chained up in prisons in this broken world!?”

: “If someone has lost their way, it’s our job to help them come to their senses!”

: I’m pretty sure that’s supposed to be a comma between “So” and “No sacrilege is beneath thee” unless the rules of punctuation do not apply to angels.

: Michael is another giant blob of HP and magic defense.

: He can charge and hit for what’s probably an instakill, but fails to hit Yusuke.

: We even get a Showtime, but that’s not enough to finish him.

: “No more of that Holy Grail shit doing whatever it wants!”

: “Let’s go!”

: “I’m not sensing any more enemies nearby, Joker. This is probably gonna be our last chance to prep ourselves.”

: “We cannot lose now. Let us ensure we do not have any regrets as we head toward the final battle.”

: We’ll do the final battle next update, as it consists of (and is followed by) several very lengthy cutscenes. Anyway, remember how I said we don’t give a shit that Makoto has all of 3 SP left? That’s because once you kill Michael, you get a warp point that puts you in his boss arena.

: Going back to Lavenza gives you a full HP and SP refill. Next time, we’ll kill God.

: Oh, right. The music that plays during this entire boss rush segment (including during the boss fights) is the full version of Life Will Change. I like that they kept this and didn’t cop out with Colors Flying High instead.

[Timrod]

@Pizuz

I don’t quite remember you showing off any bad ending, yet. You just hinted that selling out your team during Sae’s interrogation would lead into a bad ending, but didn’t post the actual result of doing so. Are you still planning to post all that stuff?

Yeah, I really should go back and do that. It’s mostly that I didn’t feel like sitting through the entire interrogation room cutscene a second time.

@drcakey

Alternatively, you could look at it like this. One could argue that the P1 and P2 were both, in different ways, defined by having two different worlds (real world and the world created by the Deva System, and the worlds in IS and EP). But the first Persona game, P3, is static. So it’s tradition.

Yeah but P3 had the Dark Hour and… wait a second, it’s a fucking ripoff of the Dark Hour too! Fuck!

@SpammyV

Whoops Joker didn’t shout out where he just got coffee, everyone forgot he existed.

Yaldabaoth: “What the fuck!? How are you even alive!? I fucking erased you from existence!”

Joker: “You forgot to erase my ‘Cute Boyfriend Things’ account. Dipshit.”

[Timrod]

Summary

: Let’s take a look at the bad endings. I had to use my base game saves for this rather than the Royal ones, because I accidentally deleted my 11/19 save while leaving the 11/20 save (which is after the bad ending).

: Just like in the canon route, Sae will ask Joker to strike a deal and will then read off the names of the party members. Now, let’s imagine that instead of Joker denying everything…

: Joker instead opts to sell out Makoto to save Yusuke, Ann, Haru and Futaba.

: The game will immediately notify you that you have fucked up and give you a chance to un-fuck.

: “…As I thought. You’ve made a wise choice. Thank you. I’ll do my best with what you’ve told me. I honestly expected you to have more of a backbone… it seems your reputation precedes you.”

: The camera will linger on Joker for a full fifteen seconds or so. Everything from here up until when Akechi shoots Joker is identical… except for a thought bubble where Joker says something like “Shit I fucked up” that I forgot to capture.

: This dialog is the same as the dialog we saw at the beginning of Update 101, when Joker woke up after being erased by Yaldabaoth… except…

: You may have fucked up, but at least you can wake up every morning, get out of bed, look in the mirror and go “At least I’m not Hashino.”

: So yeah, that’s not much of a bad ending. That’s because I had it confused for a different bad ending, which is the one that happens if you don’t defeat Shido in time.

: Of all the bad endings for not doing the palaces, Shido’s is really the only unique one… other than the expansion dungeon. All of the other “time out” bad endings are just the video of Akechi shooting Joker with a filter on the voice.

: Because I am far too lazy to sit through all that shit, I borrowed some footage from a small Youtuber going by SieffrePlays, who has somehow made it through Tales of Zestiria twice. He mostly uploads uncommentated playthroughs of JRPGs that are so bad even I couldn’t survive them.

: I was actually considering dunking on Tales of Zestiria because it’s laughably bad, but I don’t think I could sit through it. This is also from the base game.

: You can tell that Sieffre is a fucking chad because he picked the Akira Kurusu name. The video is dated in 2019 so he definitely could’ve picked Ren Amamiya.

: God dammit, Hashino.

: There are two more unique bad endings in the game, not counting the one I posted the video of for if you accept Yaldabaoth’s deal.

: One is for accepting a deal with the villain of the expansion content. The other is for failing to kill said villain. We’ll see those after we kill God.

[SpammyV]

How is Akechi supposed to be Yaldabaoth’s champion in this? Because he’s a detective? Is God about to start telling us how the people have fallen into sloth and indolence because they don’t solve mysteries for themselves but expect Columbo to do it for them by repeatedly asking humble questions?

[drcakey]

Have an extremely localized plot that balloons out at the end to encompass the fate of humanity has never been a good idea.

@SpammyV

How is Akechi supposed to be Yaldabaoth’s champion in this? Because he’s a detective? Is God about to start telling us how the people have fallen into sloth and indolence because they don’t solve mysteries for themselves but expect Columbo to do it for them by repeatedly asking humble questions?

“There’s just one thing that’s not clear ta me…” holds up entire Persona 5 script

@Timrod

: Is there even an afterlife in the SMT universe? I mean, other than becoming a ghost and telling the Demifiend to fuck off?

You cross the Sanzu River River Styx and reload from last save.

[Pizuz]

Is it possible to secure the route to Shido‘s treasure and still get a bad ending by failing to send the calling card in time? Is there a separate scene for this without Akechi?

[Timrod]

@Pizuz

Is it possible to secure the route to Shido‘s treasure and still get a bad ending by failing to send the calling card in time? Is there a separate scene for this without Akechi?

I don’t believe it’s possible - I think the game forces you to do the calling card bit in the same way it forces you to do the one for Sae, so if you’ve already cleared the path to the treasure by the deadline there’s no way to get the bad ending.

@SpammyV

How is Akechi supposed to be Yaldabaoth’s champion in this? Because he’s a detective? Is God about to start telling us how the people have fallen into sloth and indolence because they don’t solve mysteries for themselves but expect Columbo to do it for them by repeatedly asking humble questions?

Yaldabaoth never even mentions Akechi, which leads me to believe that either he’s only Yaldabaoth’s champion because he hates Joker (and not because Yaldabaoth actually chose him) or that Yaldabaoth trained him wrong on purpose as a joke.

[Timrod]

Click Here for Update 102

: We’re finally here. The last boss of the base game.

: “Why do you mere humans still dare oppose me!?”

: “Stop acting like you’re some kinda god! You’re just a Treasure! Shut up and let us destroy you!”

: “Fools… do you still not understand? Your actions shall not save a single soul.”

: Wait… what was the point of Yaldabaoth continuing to appear as Igor here? They all know what it looks like.

: “What is that supposed to mean!?”

: “Are you saying… that’s you!?”

: “…And?”

: “We don’t let what others think hold us down anymore!”

: “That’s right!”

: Yaldabaoth starts by healing itself.

: “Our opponent knows that too though. It’ll try and stop us if we go straight for them! We’ll need to send someone in to cut the lines. Then while they’re out, everyone else will have to keep attacking to distract the Holy Grail!”

: “First, we must deal with those red supply lines.”

: I’m not sure what happens if you don’t send anyone.

: Yaldabaoth gains a new attack in the form of this big sweeping laser that hits everyone for Almighty damage.

: Anyway, you know the drill by now. Charge/Concentrate, Thermopylae, attack, repeat.

: This is a re-used animation from the Kamoshida fight that I forgot to include in the update where we fought him, because that’s the kind of quality you can expect from a Hashino game.

: Most people wouldn’t consider this to be that major, but I hate this because it makes it seem like the party hasn’t really grown since the Kamoshida fight. It makes sense for Ryuji to struggle to get up the pillar in the Kamoshida fight because at that point they’re a ragtag band of teenagers trying to fight their gym teacher.

: At this point though, Joker can do ridiculous acrobatic shit without even batting an eye. They should’ve changed it in Royal to have Yusuke (or whoever you send) grappling hook onto the thumb directly.

: Meanwhile, we hit what I’m pretty sure is the damage wall for this part of the fight.

: I mean sure, Yaldabaoth is a god, but Yusuke is a boyfriend carrying a sword made from the body of a 12th century Japanese warlord.

: How the hell is it that Yusuke can jump like, halfway across the room to hit the veins, but can’t clear that hand in one go?

: “It can’t heal itself anymore! This’ll be a head-to-head fight from now on! Take it down!”

: Yaldabaoth charges, and at this point I have to interact with game mechanics and guard. Fortunately, Futaba heals Ann for me - but even if she dies, we have plenty of revival items and three party members with Diarahan or better.

: It manages to hit Joker for 133 damage despite him guarding, having Lucifer up, and having the magic damage reduction from his armor.

: Thankfully, we have Mediarahan. No big deal. Not pictured: Yaldabaoth hitting Ann with one of its lasers for 300+ damage.

: Joker refreshes Thermopylae. He won’t get to make use of it.

: I wish hitting Level 80 was this easy in Persona 1 and Innocent Sin.

: I can’t get over how Yaldabaoth has jazz hands.

: Even in the final cutscene, they can’t get shit on model.

: Clearly, the animators hated their job about as much as I hate mine.

: Meet Yaldabaoth’s true form, or as I refer to it, G-Gundam. The G stands for Gnosticism.

: “This is crazy! It’s like a building!”

: “It was already huge back when it was the Holy Grail…”

: “You kiddin’!? This is just some kinda rigged game you started!”

: “That doesn’t mean humans are evil though!”

: “Bullshit! You’re just forcin’ your selfish ideas on people!”

: “For a god, you’re pretty damn prejudiced!”

: “If this is all for the sake of humanity, wouldn’t being beaten by humans satisfy you?”

: I don’t think it’s a masochist, Haru.

: “Ngh…”

: “Rgh… that thing’s on a totally different level!”

: “Can we defeat something like him?”

: “This is the best possible outcome! We’re fighting against a god who’s not holding anything back, right? What bigger target could there be for the Phantom Thieves to tackle?”

: “Although… it’s still way too big for my liking.”

: “All right, I’ll give the navigation everything I’ve got!”

: “We can do this if we all work together!”

: “Let’s take him down!”

: “Crowning our glory by defeating a god… now that is true art.”

: “We basically just gotta beat that thing, right!?”

: Like a lot of the bosses we’ve fought, we’re going to be straight up skipping a lot of phases. Yaldabaoth is extremely scripted for the first couple of turns.

: Yaldabaoth only has two attacks by itself - the first is Arrows of Light (which we saw in the first scripted fight before we entered the Vortex World Persona 1 Ripoff uh… Mementos Reality.

: On Yaldabaoth’s second turn, it grows a gun. The gun repels Gun and Wind but is neutral to everything else and has only 1500 HP.

: Oh no.

: Yusuke sees the rays of pure horny aimed at Joker and pushes him out of the way.

: Uh-oh. That can’t be good. Mechanically, all it does is disable whoever it hits for one turn. Psychologically, though…

: Yoshitsune fucking clowns on Yaldabaoth. This is an uncharged Hassou Tobi - a charged one will instantly wipe out the gun.

: If the gun is left alive, it will use both Distorted Lust and a second attack called Distorted Avarice that inflicts Hunger for one turn. It also has a re-named One Shot Kill and a gun attack called Shoot Up that hits three targets.

: Joker sounds the air horn, but it is too late. The horny is already too strong.

: The bell repels Fire and Psychic. Like the gun, it also has two status effects: Distorted Vanity (which renders one target weak to everything for a turn, like Madarame’s ability) and Distorted Envy, which… is actually a little weird.

: Distorted Envy inflicts a status effect called Jealousy, which is like Brainwash but will only cause the party member it hits to attack if a healing skill or buff is used on anyone but the person with Jealousy. I’m not sure how this works for multi-target spells.

: In addition, the bell can do a renamed Marakunda (defense down) and a renamed Marakaja (defense up) on Yaldabaoth and the other arms. It has a single-target attack that I’ve never seen it use.

: Joker kills the gun and brings the bell to low HP with another uncharged Hassou Tobi. No one else can do much - Yusuke is still horny, Ann can’t hit the bell due to it repelling fire, and Makoto spends the turn Concentrating.

: The sword is by far the most annoying of Yaldabaoth’s arms. It repels Physical, Gun and Electric (though it did not repel Gun in the base game, which is the only real change to this fight in Royal).

: This isn’t a big deal if you’re using Yoshitsune because Yoshitsune nulls physical.

: This is why we do not want to keep the sword up for very long. In addition to Distorted Gluttony, it also has both single-target and multi-target physical attacks. Fortunately, I don’t think it can keep using Distorted Gluttony - it stayed alive for a couple of turns and didn’t use it again.

: “Another one!? It looks like this is how his main body attacks… he may keep switching up his moves! Let’s be careful!”

: Joker spends the HP to Hassou Tobi anyway, killing off the bell and bringing Yaldabaoth to half HP. Looking back, I probably should’ve taken the time to charge because it would’ve killed off the main body faster.

: The book repels Ice and Nuclear, and is Yaldabaoth’s main form of attack. It has access to all third-tier spells and will attempt to use them to hit weaknesses.

: It also has an attack we won’t be seeing called Distorted Pride, which causes it to go into a counter stance for one turn. Hitting it in counter stance causes it to retaliate by draining the attacker’s SP.

: Instead, it will always use Distorted Wrath. This is a mistake on its part - Distorted Wrath is your typical “berserk” status effect that raises damage but lowers defense.

: Ann is Concentrated, and Futaba gives us a full-party attack buff. Watch this shit.

: Joker uses Hassou Tobi again, nearly killing off the book in one go despite not having a charge.

: Meanwhile, Ann completely fucks up the book and sword and brings the main body down to under a quarter of its max HP. This triggers Yaldabaoth’s final phase. None of the arms got more than the one turn they’re guaranteed to get when they first spawn.

: Once all the arms are dead, Yaldabaoth revives them to max HP.

: At this point, Yaldabaoth will cancel all of its other attacks and only use Divine Apex, followed two turns later by Rays of Control until the fight ends.

: I’m not sure if it’s possible to cancel the attack by destroying all the arms, but we come pretty close.

: I have Yusuke sacrifice himself, because his best physical skill is multi-target. If you charge it, it’s basically a mini Hassou Tobi.

: We have one turn until Rays of Control, but Yaldabaoth is very low on HP so I go for another Hassou Tobi.

: This really shouldn’t be any surprise to anyone given that this is exactly what happens in Persona 4.

: “If you’re really a god, you should be guiding humans to your ideals! You’re destroying them because you can’t do that, aren’t you? So that you can flaunt your own existence.”

: “Flaunt your own existence” is probably the most dumb anime bullshit phrase I’ve read this week. What’s funny is that when I was going through Youtube videos to do that bad ending update, there were people INSISTING that “The Japanese script is totally better, you guys! It’s the localizers’ fault!”

: “That’s why you were observing us! You had to because the reaction of the ‘masses’ worried you!”

: “That sounds about right.”

: “I don’t know how long you’ve lived, but you’re the perfect example of a pain-in-the-ass old man!”

: “You find people like that everywhere.”

: “Dammit, I can’t see anything!”

: “Do you want to erase us from this world that much!?”

: “G-Guys!”

: Are you ready for the game to do the dumbest, most shounen battle anime ass bullshit yet?

: “If we lose… the world is…”

: “I need to… get back up…”

: “I can’t… go on…”

: “Is this it?”

: You can hear people chanting something in the background, but it’s in Japanese and not subtitled and I am not putting on the godawful fuckshit English dub.

: If you’d like a concise version of Yaldabaoth’s bullshit, you can find it here. It’s even set to music.

: “Human hope is a desire too! You better not underestimate it! The Phantom Thieves will yield to no one, no matter who they are! Even if only one of us remains, we’ll get back up and fight to the very end.”

: “And we’ll definitely… definitely… take the world!”

: Oh no, it’s a Golden Alpac- wait a second, Yaldabaoth really is just the fucking Golden Alpaca. He’s what happens if you shove the LEMONADE version and the remade version together.

: You might be asking “Wait, doesn’t this mean everyone now knows that Morgana can talk?” and the answer is no because this ending is a self-retcon.

: Remember the end of Okami? Those were better times, even though I know Okami was not the first thing to do this.

: Mishima looking around like “Wait… am I really the dipshit here?”

: This shot looks like a YIIK cutscene with a higher budget behind it.

: Mishima’s model was not meant to do any of the things it is currently doing.

: “…I sure am. Is the same true for you too?”

: You could’ve just done “Are you, too?”

: “Pretty much. Looks like it’s not just us though.”

: I swear this game needs a fucking Richter mode. Also, I’m pretty sure if I was ever on a giant sky pedestal attempting to kill God and had everyone I know cheering me on I would in fact die of fucking embarrassment.

: See, back when I was in high school, we killed God in private. It was the meta at the time - you’d lure God behind the gym and then stab him before he could go full on end boss.

: Yoshida here reminds me a lot of when you see senators in the US questioning tech executives over shit they do not fucking understand. You know, your Ted Wheeler “Series of Tubes” speech.

: If there was a Richter mode, Shinya’s thing would absolutely be climbing Yaldabaoth and stealing the gun. Would it shrink? Fuck no, he’d just use it as-is because he’s like 12 and still has full anime protagonist power to wield weapons bigger than he is.

: “It’s you guys’ fault I don’t know when to quit either. Get back up! Don’t lose to that thing!”

: “No matter what anyone says, I believe in you guys! Go for it, Phantom Thieves!”

: Sae’s ultimate attack in Richter Mode would be asking questions so stupid and irrelevant that they drain the enemy’s HP and SP. She’d basically be Daisoujou from Nocturne.

: “No one wants you to rule over them! Isn’t that right, Akira!?”

: “I’ve made up my mind. I will see my justice through for the sake of protecting what I care about.”

: Oh boy, more anime gibberish.

: “Morgana…”

: “…The same goes for you guys too! If you’ve decided to take the world from him, don’t compromise your ideals to the very end!”

: “Let’s defeat him together!”

: They’re praying for this LP to be over so I can go to… actually, I’m not so sure. I might do Soul Hackers but four SMT games in a row is a bit much.

: “They’re prayin’ there’s no place for someone like you in this world!”

: “Give that evil god his final warning, Akira!”

: “You messed with the wrong John Persona!”

: If I had the skills to do so, I would’ve photoshopped “Has this boss fight gone on too long?” over the poll question. I do not.

New Persona: Satanael

Origin: Gnosticism

First Appearance: Soul Hackers

Satanael is essentially the Gnostic version of Lucifer - he’s the angelic form of Satan prior to his rebellion against God. This version is based on a Gnostic tradition in which he was a servant of Yaldabaoth before realizing that Yaldabaoth was not the true God and rebelling against him, granting humanity knowledge that would allow them to end Yaldabaoth’s rule.

: Satanael is Joker’s ultimate Persona, and is only fusable in New Game Plus… meaning he shows up here, and then fucks off forever. He is a special fusion of Arsene, Anzu, Ishtar, Satan, Lucifer and Michael.

: He starts with a trait that is effectively Everything Amp, and gains Tyrant’s Mind (which is Everything Boost). The only downside is that he doesn’t learn Morning Star.

: As a Persona, Satanel is kind of mediocre - especially when compared to Izanagi no Okami. He’s basically Lucifer with better resistances and Victory Cry.

: The only reason to fuse him is for the Caroline and Justine/Lavenza superbosses, and for Joker’s ultimate melee weapon - though again, when are we ever going to use a basic physical attack?

: “Man, it’s huge!”

: “What an immense power…! No way… is it a Persona…?”

: There’s one input left in the base game.

: “What better way is there for a finale as a Trickster! Joker, we’re entrusting our strength and the people’s hopes to you! Put an end to this!”

: I mean, I dunno, maybe ending the boss fight when we did nothing but spam Hassou Tobi until Yaldabaoth died?

: Oh, come on! I could win this without even using Satanael!

: Joker has given up on his big flashy anime gun made from Lucifer and opts for the ultimate weapon: the legendary Deagle-Brand Deagle.

: I’m pretty sure the rifle model that Satanel uses in this cutscene was reworked into Kasumi’s gun.

: “Ain’t that a Treasure? Right, Mona?”

: “Thanks for everything, gang.”

: “Mona-chan?”

: “Mona?”

: “Hey…”

: “Thanks to you guys, I was able to complete my duty…”

: “Everything was thanks to you, wasn’t it, Morgana?”

: “I got to be useful for humans that I admired so much. Nothing could make me happier. This place will soon disappear too…”

: “What is this?”

: It’d be neat if the end was “Yeah so even though we killed God that doesn’t make the giant bones everywhere or the several feet of weird watery blood in the streets go away.”

: Man, the hospitals are gonna be FULL of people with horrible glass cuts.

: YIIK never happened. YIIK never happened. YIIK never happened. The Allansons fell into obscurity after how bad Two Brothers did. There never was a Ni no Kuni 2 because Fred left to become the CEO of a major anime studio…

: God dammit, it’s not working!

: Why is it that this is the only cutscene where the animators could be bothered to make it on-model? Also I love the way Haru puts her mask on top of her hat. That shit’s gonna stay put for maybe ten seconds tops.

: I missed a capture here, so I’ll just put it in myself.

: “Soon, a new world will come.”

: Somewhere in the ruins of Sumaru City, Tatsuya calls bullshit.

: He’s going to get a contract with whoever it is that makes Pretty Cure to be the next season’s magical pet.

: Morgana died on the way back to his home planet.

: “Mona…”

: “The Meta-Nav… it’s gone… Mementos must have disappeared too…”

: Remember this line for… actually, probably the next update. I haven’t really seen much of the expansion dungeon.

: “We can’t see Mona anymore… can we?”

: “It’s fine. I already know the answer.”

: “What’re you all so gloomy for? Mona would laugh at us for it…”

: “That reminds me, what about the public? Were we able to change their hearts?”

: “It’s kinda hard to tell.”

: “I wonder how things will go… I hope they go well…”

: “Let’s believe in the adults. Sis promised us, after all.”

: “From here on out’s the prosecutor’s job, huh…”

: “If we can’t enter the Metaverse, that means we’ve been relieved of being Phantom Thieves.”

: “It feels a bit sad…”

: “What’d I just say? We gotta stop bein’ so gloomy! Think about that insane ass we just kicked!”

: “You’re right… we should be celebrating with a victory toast.”

: “Well, we’re still high schoolers, so we can’t really drink a real toast…”

: “Oh, what if we tried something else? Like, what do athletes do after a win?”

: Haru: “What if we tried bribing the police to not enforce underage drinking laws?”

: “You mean a huddle? We could all circle up and give a victory shout together.”

: “Sounds good - except for the part where we’re in the dead center of Shibuya, surrounded by tons of people.”

: “What!? You wanna do it here an’ now!?”

: “C’mon, Ryuji, get with the program.”

: “I too am disappointed. After all we’ve been through together, you’ve nothing left to lose with this.”

: Except dignity.

: “Hey, speak for yourself! I’ve got tons of shit I could lose! Fine… let’s get this over with. Everyone, put your hands in!”

: “Yeah, uh, can we hurry this up? I don’t mind yelling, so long as we make it quick.”

: “Well, this celebration’s going great… whatever. Joker, you lead off with this.”

: “No way!? Only the leader can do this kinda stuff right! When he gives our victory cry, we all follow with a super-loud ‘Yeah!’ got it? Alright… one… two…”

: “You may be right there. The more I think about it, the more pressure I realize we were really under. I hope we can relax at least a little now.”

: “…Brr, it’s chilly!”

: “No wonder it’s cold.”

: “Is this what they call a white Christmas?”

: “It’s still Christmas Eve.”

: “Christmas… I completely forgot about it…”

: “Anyhow, we’ll have to see what happens for now. We should probably break for today. Let’s meet at Leblanc tomorrow, and have a final meeting on the situation.”

: “Yeah, let’s do that.”

: “…Hey! It’ll be Christmas, so why don’t we do a last celebration party!?”

: “I like the sound of that! There better not be anyone that’s got plans already!”

: “It’s settled then!”

: “Make sure you persuade Boss to let us reserve the store for the party.”

: I’m not sure if Sojiro still remembers the whole God thing or not. Probably going to lean no on that.

: “We will be counting on you. Well then, see you all again tomorrow.”

: And that’s that. This is where I turned the game off and dropped it when I did the base game. There’s still a little more of 12/24, but this update’s already pretty long… you know what, let’s keep going. Just for a little bit.

: “…Can I talk to you for a minute? First off, thank you for taking my request. With your actions, I can only hope that public opinion changes… it will change, won’t it?”

: “…True. It was social reform on a scale no one has ever accomplished before. But I believe that it will. Shido confessed to a variety of crimes. We can arrest him on those charges.”

: “…The problem lies in proving him guilty. It’d be difficult unless the correlation between the Metaverse and the mental shutdowns is made. …I’ll be blunt.”

: Wait, WHAT!? How the fuck does that make any kind of sense? Even if Joker testified, the Metaverse is gone! What’s he going to do, pull out his phone and say “Yeah the Metaverse was right here?”

: But yeah, this is what I mean when I say the ending is a self-retcon. Logically, thousands of people just saw giant pillars of bone and a fuckhuge Gnostic battlemech come out of the ground. Some of them even fucking died… though presumably Igor saved them.

: I’m picturing thousands of people in the Velvet Jail lined up in front of Igor’s desk and spilling out the prison door into Mementos. Igor has a basket with a sign reading “Free Pixies, please take one”.

: Here’s what I’m realizing about this. One of two things is now true: either going after Shido was fucking pointless, or going after Yaldabaoth was fucking pointless.

: If the entire time, Sae could have ended this by arresting Joker and charging him with being John Persona, wouldn’t that have broken Yaldabaoth’s plan in two? His entire plan hinged on Shido getting away with everything.

: On the other hand, if defeating Yaldabaoth means that Sae still needs to ruin Joker’s life… doesn’t that mean that going after Yaldabaoth was pointless? Wouldn’t it have been better to break his plan that way and then hope that he fucks off without them having to fight?

: “That will mean placing you on center stage. You’ll be treated as a hero who saved this country… but there’s no way the police or the public prosecutors will let that slide. If you turn yourself into the police, you’ll definitely be arrested.”

: “I’ll close all the cases surrounding Shido. I intend to expose them all. It’s to prevent society from becoming distorted again. That’s what you want too, isn’t it?”

: We’ll see this later, but this is how the base game ends. Joker goes to jail, and there’s a cutscene where all of the confidants you’ve reached Rank 10 with try and get him out. I have to wonder how they’re going to make this work, considering Joker is in jail for the entirety of January…

: “I’ll ask you once more. I’d like for you to turn yourself in to the police, of your own accord.”

: The correct answer here would be “Fuck right off. You caused this, fix it yourself.” Anyway, let’s get on to the Christmas date! There’s a special Christmas Yusu-Gay coming up in the next update. Oh, and I’ll put up a vote for who we should date for the main update.

: What. What the fuck is that. WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?

: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING SHARK-JUMPING BULLSHIT!?

: WHY THE FUCK IS HE ALIVE!? THIS WAS THE ONE FUCKING THING THEY DIDN’T COP OUT ON IN THE BASE GAME!

: GOD FUCKING DAMMIT FUCK THIS SHIT! THIS IS NI NO KUNI 2! THAT’S EXACTLY WHAT THIS IS! DEATH IS A VERY PERMANENT AND SERIOUS THING? NAH!

: FUUUUUUUUUUCK! So yeah, remember when I said I fucking hate Akechi? THIS IS WHY! Welcome to Royal, a game that was designed entirely by a fucking focus group.

: Let me just post this. This was a popularity poll that was done by Sony in September 2020 for Persona 5’s fifth anniversary. It surveyed 48,139 people.

: Even five years after release, Akechi ranks above every other party member except Makoto… and he’s only in the game for one dungeon before he fucking dies!

: As I’ve explained before, Akechi gets this level of votes because of the BL crowd. They want gay representation and they want Akechi to be Joker’s “cute gay pancake boyfriend” as I saw one person put it. I can’t really blame them - it’s not their fault that the game has no gay representation but has two gay-coded characters.

: Now, there’s ways the writers for Royal could have approached this. They could’ve put in some gay representation - the way I did. They could have re-written Akechi and put in a new villain who wouldn’t be as popular with the BL crowd. I mean hell, Kasumi’s dateable and she’s only in one dungeon.

: But what did they do? They went with the worst possible option! It’s fucking stupid! They had to call Akechi’s VA back anyway! With the bare fucking minimum of effort, they could have made this work! But no, can’t be helped! Fuck!

: You know what? Fuck this, I’m calling this an update. Next time, we get to watch the writers for Royal shit their pants as hard as Hashino did. I’ll put up a poll for the Christmas date and the Christmas Yusu-Gay by Salty Vanilla.

[Timrod]

Summary

: “Oh wow, they still have a Christmas cake! Do you want to get it?”

: “That cake… Akira, that’s over ten thousand yen! Surely, neither of us have the money!”

: “Heh. Watch this. Hi, can I get that last cake? I’ll pay whatever you want for it! No price is too high for my boyfriend!”

: “Akira, please…”

: “Ten thousand yen is nothing anyway. I can make that in two minutes having Mara do donuts in his chariot in Mementos. Can we get that wrapped to go?”

: “Where are we going to take such an enormous cake? My dorm doesn’t have a refrigerator big enough to hold that.”

: Joker grips Yusuke’s hand.

: “We’ll bring it to my place. Just you and me… in my room… no one around to bother us…”

[Timrod]

I just noticed the poll didn’t post, so here it is.

Who do we date second (after Yusuke)?

• Ann
• Futaba
• Haru
• Hifumi
• Makoto
• Chihaya
• Kawakami
• Tae
• Ohya

[SpammyV]

Elite Beat Agents did it. Chroma Squad did it. Actually Chroma Squad is probably my favorite implementation of this ending. But the fact that Yaldabaoth doesn’t shut up after getting shot in the face robs this of some punch. It’s even funnier to me after just finishing No More Heroes 3 and the first boss winds up in the same giant-cannon-to-the-face position, Travis finally just shoots him to cut him off from rambling for another five minutes.

Also not to beat a dead horse but I’m even more puzzled how Akechi and Joker are supposed to be opposites here. If anything it seems like it should’ve just been Shido that’s god’s representative here considering how happy everyone was just to let Shido have the government. Like sure Akechi was helping Shido, but only to blackmail and/or kill him. I should probably stop trying to discern the meaning from this plot.

[drcakey]

@Timrod

: Remember the end of Okami? Those were better times, even though I know Okami was not the first thing to do this.

@SpammyV

Elite Beat Agents did it. Chroma Squad did it.

Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door (and Super Paper Mario) did it. And of course, Earthbound Did It First (I think).

Well, anyway:

• Reset ~ “Thank You” version
• We’re Counting On You, Mario!

@Timrod

Literal actual Dirge of Cerberus is happening now.

@Timrod

I thought the Phantom Thieves didn’t care if they were rejected by society? Or was that just Final Boss Phase 1 talk?

@Timrod

: He’s going to get a contract with whoever it is that makes Pretty Cure to be the next season’s magical pet.

Toei. It’s Toei. Precure airs right after (or before?) Super Sentai and Kamen Rider. Or at least it did like 5 years ago.

[Timrod]

Click Here for Update 103

: God dammit! Fuck! Shut up! Fuck! Go back to being dead!

: “To think I’d get to see you so surprised… honestly, it’s pretty satisfying.”

: Okay… let’s see. There has to be a reason for this other than “We bought back Akechi because fangirls”. Maybe it’s like Interstellar where that lady hallucinates George Clooney being alive.

: “You said, ‘there’s no need’… just what do you mean by that?”

: “Exactly as it sounds. I’ll agree to testify against Shido and his crimes. I assume that works for you?”

: Any minute now, Sae’s going to look at Joker and go “Who are you talking to? There’s nobody there.”

: “That’s right. I have no hidden agenda at this point. If I had to explain myself, I’d say it’s simply personal principle that I repay my debts.”

: “For the time being at least, I’ll take your word that you’ll cooperate with the investigation.”

: “That would save a lot of time.”

: “I’m sorry… you can forget everything I just told you. I’ll take him in myself.”

: Okay, she just talked to Akechi and acknowledged his existence. New theory: when Mementos was merged with reality, Igor implanted a fake Akechi into Sae’s head that’s just good enough to testify before vanishing.

: That’d go great with the whole “the world is a cognition” bit and would make the end of the casino feel like less of an ass pull. And here I underestimated the writers for Royal thinking they’d bring Akechi back purely based on his popularity with the Japanese fanbase. It’s not like they’d change the entire plot based on a focus group. Nobody could be THAT dumb.

: We get messages from every possible love interest that we’ve maxed out.

: In addition to these nine options, there’s a hidden tenth option which only appears as a failsafe if you are not dating anyone. Unfortunately, you can’t select it if you meet the criteria for any of the other possible scenes… and as it turns out, I did in fact date Haru in the base game so I can’t use that save file. I completely forgot about that.

: Anyway, it looks like Tae won the poll, so we’ll do her date for this update. The rest of them will be posted under the “Alternate Scenes” header.

: Tae’s fashion sense is like that one zombie from Chainsaw Man who has so many thoughts that the only thing she can think of is Halloween.

: “Anyway, thanks for coming. Were you hoping to see me today?”

: “Aren’t you straightforward? Well, then I can be honest too: I’m glad to hear it. So what happens after this? If you don’t have anything in mind, we can go out to eat. Don’t worry, no experiments today.”

: “Cool. Let’s go. Oh, but first… this usually isn’t my style, but it’s Christmas, so… would you like to hold hands?”

: Whoa there! That’s WAY too lewd for a second date! It’d be one thing if you put a collar around Joker’s neck and suddenly it’s BDSM-o-clock, but holding hands!? Can we even show that? That’s practically illegal!

: Holy fuck! I’m calling the goddamn FCC! You can’t show that! He’s underage! I need an adult!

: “Didn’t think all the restaurants would be totally booked…”

: “…Where do you learn these lines? Cake first, though, right? Once we’ve got that, you can feed me all the cheesy schlock you want. Let’s go look for one.”

: “You wouldn’t happen to have any Christmas cakes left, would you?”

: “What?”

: “Well, in that case… we’d like to buy it.”

: “Can you believe that?”

: “Slow down. We’ll get to enjoy it soon. Just the two of us.”

: Joker: “Are you still talking about the cake?”

: “Maybe we should do this more often. How about you? Having fun?”

: “Wow. I didn’t know you were so worked up over it. Well, maybe I can make this a little more exciting.”

: Each of the possible Christmas dates (except the one for not having a date, which would actually be really useful if it existed) gives you an item that carries over to New Game Plus.

: These items give a boost to the amount of confidant points earned during a confidant event with the corresponding character. Because equipment carries over, Tae isn’t a great choice for this.

: The best choice here is Haru. This is because at the end of the game, you get an item from every non-auto confidant you’ve maxed out that gives you all of their abilities as soon as you unlock Rank 1 in NG+.

: The exceptions are the party members, who only carry over their passive abilities - they don’t carry over any of their combat abilities (Harisen Recovery, Endure) or their second Persona.

: “Here’s your present. Not handmade or anything, okay? Just do you know this wasn’t some huge labor of love.”

: “You can be pretty sweet sometimes. …Hmm…”

: “Got a chill down your spine? You had cream on your nose. No idea how it got there, but…”

: Yusuke wouldn’t need to do this because he and Joker don’t need excuses to be intimate.

: “As far as your other identity goes… I figure it’s not my business. But as long as we’re making this work somehow, I might as well say this. I can at least tell how much you and the other Phantom Thieves go through to save people.”

: The whole thing with Yaldabaoth has already self-retconned.

: “I am your girlfriend, after all. I just wanted to acknowledge that… it’s thanks to those efforts that I found my own calling. …I really am glad I’ve got you.”

: “Still, I gotta say… you’ve got some weird taste. People talk, but what it comes down to is that the Phantom Thieves are these big modern heroes, right? Never really thought of myself as girlfriend material, let alone for a hero.”

: “All right already. Bring it down a notch, smooth talker. Who are you trying to impress? Whoa, look…”

: Who does this? Who sees snow and goes “Let’s open the window!”

: “I never fell for this stuff. All the snowfall, the romance… I’m not exactly the swooning type. …Didn’t think I was, anyway. Geez. I’m supposed to be the adult here, but you’re the one who keeps supporting me.”

: “How about you? It’s… good, right? I feel like… I’m going to wake up any second now, and all this will be gone.”

: It’s funny because… well, you’ll see.

: “You’re right. Maybe everything can just be nice for once.”

: Oh no, a recording block! Whatever will I do? How will I show off how fucking stupid the expansion content is!?

: This is the point where the “Where Persona 5 Ends” and “A World Without Pain” routes are going to diverge. Technically, the divergence happens when Akechi comes back, but the first major changes start here.

: “He turned himself in to the police. Sis told me yesterday. He’s admitted to being the perpetrator behind the recent cases.”

: “So he’s alive…”

: “Akechi-kun survived and owned up to what he did…”

: “Well, I feel it’s for the best. If Akechi-kun is alive, and he can atone for his crimes… that’s not a bad turn of events.”

: It’s like they’re retconning the fact that Akechi killed her father and Futaba’s mother, because Persona started with Persona 3 and Akechi has always been the soft gay pancake boyfriend.

: “Right. Ain’t that all stuff to be happy about?”

: “Mmhm. It’s Christmas. We should enjoy the day to our hearts’ content.”

: “I approve. Let everyone be merry to the max!”

: “I’m the one who should be giving permission, you know. Well, as long as you don’t go overboard, I guess you can go ahead and cut loose today.”

: “…He didn’t hear a word of that. Eh, fine.”

: “Oh my! This is quite the sight. …I’m going to be entirely honest: I wasn’t able to bring a dish. Instead, leave the dishwashing duties to me. I’ll make sure they turn out beautifully immaculate.”

: Joker and Yusuke can tell no one they bought the giant boyfriend cake.

: “Hmm… why don’t we all just clean up together?”

: “So, who brought what?”

: “I brought that marinated seafood.”

: “Mmm! That’s super good!”

: “It may not be to everyone’s tastes, but I brought that cheese plate.”

: “Whoa! It smells like dirty socks… ohhh! But it tastes great!”

: “Thank goodness. Oh, is this a croquembouche? It’s so cute!”

: “All I did was buy some cream puffs and stack them up, though.”

: “It’s been arranged so artistically that I hesitate to sample it. When it comes to sweets, Ann truly has us beat.”

: When I saw this line in recording, I went “What are the chances of Akechi walking through the door and going ‘Hi, it’s me, Akechi! I brought them!’ like it’s a fucking 90s sitcom?” and was very ready for the possibility I’d have to cut recording there and have the rest of the update being me screaming “FUCK” again.

: “Uhhhh… me… kinda?”

: “Ryuji… brought sweets…”

: “Ryuji and sweets…”

: “Sweets…”

: “Hey! What’re you guys gettin’ at?”

: This is anime, so of course boys can’t enjoy sweet things.

: “I had expected something along the lines of meat… for some reason, chicken comes to mind when I think of you.”

: KFC is a huge thing in Japan on Christmas.

: “Ryuji… chicken…”

: “U-um, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean that in any kind of comparative way.”

: “Please, don’t keep going… it just hurts even more…”

: “Did you hear what I just said?”

: “C’mon, don’t get all depressed. Everyone’s here to party!”

: “Everyone…”

: “Oh…”

: “Mona-chan…”

: “I was trying my best not to mention it, but it’s hard to avoid.”

: I know what you’re thinking, and the answer is yes.

: “Yeah, we were just talkin’ about- HUH!?”

: “Wait… what? No way! I thought you disappeared!”

: “Looks like the only me that disappeared was the one in the Metaverse.”

: “So… you stayed in reality as a cat?”

: SMART GIRL moment.

: “When I woke up, I was out in Shibuya looking like this. I headed back here right away, but it took a surprising amount of time.”

: “If you were coming back here, you should’ve told us, moron!”

: What was he supposed to do, use his cell phone?

: “We were so worried!”

: “Sheesh… well, I’ve brought my own surprise back too. I brought some fried chicken. This doesn’t have anything to do with your conversation earlier, though. Any room left on the table?”

: “Oooh! Now there’s our chief for ya!”

: They should have used this portrait for Morgana even in dungeons. It’d probably make me hate him less. Hell, they should’ve gone all the way and made him a cat when he’s in the party.

: “Talk about everything falling into place…”

: “Things are finally back to normal.”

: “…Family, huh? So I’m basically your older brother, right?”

: “Futaba… that’s right. Tonight’s supposed to be a celebration… I’m glad I could be a part of it. I know I already said it, but… thanks, everyone. I’m glad I got to come back to you.”

: Now that it’s over, let me tell you something about that last scene. It’s actually recycled from the base game - the difference is that in the base game, it happens in February. They even recycled some of the dialog.

: In fact, let’s talk about what happens in the base game. In the base game, Joker turns himself in sometime in the early hours of Christmas morning. He spends Christmas being interrogated, and then is subsequently tried and put in prison.

: This event in the base game is the party meeting up to figure out how to get him out of prison.

: This is another thing that doesn’t happen in the base game, which skips from the 25th to the 31st.

: She sure helped him out in that one fight against an enemy Joker could’ve instakilled, and… wait, why does it feel like they forgot something?

: “A year-end party, huh? I’m already excited! Oh, let’s invite Yoshizawa right away!”

: What. What the fuck is that scarf. Joker, why are you letting your boyfriend wear that?

: “Yeah! You really helped Akira out, too.”

: “In that case, I’ll accept your offer.”

: “Yo, I really can’t stop starin’ at that thing you’re wearing.”

: “Heh… so it’s caught your eye as well. It happened to catch mine while I was strolling through the city. I bought it for myself as a reward for the end of the year. What do you think? About the scarf.”

: I was torn here between option one and option three: on the one hand, Joker wants to get that scarf off Yusuke ASAP, but on the other he also wants to gently prod Yusuke into wearing something more tasteful.

: The only reason Joker doesn’t pick option three is that he’s terrified that one day Yusuke will burst into Leblanc carrying a handmade scarf.

: “Thank you. Your compliment is music to my ears.”

: “I don’t think anyone other than you could pull it off, Kitagawa-senpai.”

: “This fashion chat is fine and all, but if you don’t dig into that soba soon, it’s gonna get soggy on you.”

: “It’s chow time!”

: “Mmm! So good!”

: “Sakura-san, you made these noodles yourself, right? They’re amazing! You could open a soba restaurant!”

: “Aw, thanks. I made a little too much, so if anyone wants a refill-”

: “Seconds please!”

: “How fast do you eat!?”

: “You eat a lot more than I’d assumed you do, Yoshizawa-san.”

: “Seriously? While being that thin!?”

: “Kurusu-senpai, don’t kid them so much. My appetite’s totally normal.”

: “It’s finally happening…”

: “I was planning on telling you all about this a little later. This case is all thanks to a certain man’s testimony. But, I can at least share this one piece of good news with you.”

: “And that would be…?”

: “The woman involved in Kurusu-kun’s false charge case has finally come forward and provided her testimony. I can’t say for certain yet… but his criminal record may very well be overturned.”

: “For real!?”

: “That’s wonderful!”

: “Congratulations, Senpai!”

: “Of course, this is highly confidential, got it?”

: “What great news, Akira. Looks like we really will be having a happy new year.”

: Ironic when in the base game, Joker is in prison at this point. He doesn’t get out until February.

: “This is incredible! It’s an actual, real-life good ending!”

: “I’ve been seeing this guy on TV all the time lately.”

: “Oh yeah, he’s a model-turned-actor. With a figure like that, I can see how he’s gotten so popular.”

: This guy is in… I think Shibuya, but it might be Shinjuku, throughout the game. He usually complains that he can’t break into acting.

: “So, he’s popular, eh? If I were more like that human, maybe Lady Ann would…”

: “Now that I’m thinkin’ about it, a helluva lot sure did happen this year.”

: “Right? It’s like, how many years of our lives did we actually live through this year?”

: “I doubt we’ll experience anything even similar to it for quite some time.”

: “Well, this is just from my point of view, but I really hope that’s the case.”

: “Then I guess starting next year, we’ll just be good boys and girls at school.”

: “If that’s the case, then I assume you’ll be able to handle your summer break homework on your own - right?”

: “Please don’t go there, Senpai…”

: “So much has happened over the past twelve months. But in the end, we got to spend it together like this. I wanna believe that this was a great year for us.”

: “Yeah. I don’t have any proof, but I feel like next year’s gonna be even better for us.”

: So what you’re saying is that it’s been a long December, and there’s reason to believe maybe this year will be better than the last? I think I already used that song but this LP has been going on so long that I have forgotten if I actually did.

: I also am just now finding out that Counting Crows had more than one album, which goes against my belief that they put out A Long December and then on January 1st, 1997 walked out into the morning sun and were immediately vaporized.

: “I feel the exact same way! How strange…”

: “Well, that’s only natural, considering how pleased we are with our end-of-year celebration.”

: “I really don’t want to get going, but it seems like it’s time.”

: “See ya next year, right?”

: “Next year… Sojiro! Osechi time! Get those New Year’s dishes ready, chop chop! And don’t forget the black beans!”

: Osechi is a New Year’s thing in Japan that comes in this a tiered box kind of like a giant bento. It has a number of different foods in it, but there’s one in the Wikipedia article for it that makes me wish this was a thing in the US.

: This is a thing they need to adapt immediately in Connecticut, only the top box is just the lobster, cooked and ready, with all the other stuff replaced by butter and lobster sauce. Maybe some lemon wedges too.

: The second tier is a second lobster, and the third tier has… a third lobster. You know what, just skip the box and give me the three lobsters and the sauces so I can maximize my lobster intake.

: “Yeah, yeah, I hear ya. If I start prepping the beans now, they’ll be ready by the morning. Don’t worry about the food, you just go have a good night’s sleep.”

: I made dorayaki once. Nothing like going “Shit, time for bed, also time to soak the beans.”

: “Hey, Akira - don’t tell this to the others, okay? But, even after I disappeared, I was still vaguely conscious… and being separated from all of you was… really scary.”

: “I thought, if it’s even a little bit possible, I wanted to come home to you guys… that’s why I’m so glad I was able to come back here.”

: “Yeah, thanks. Well, it’s pretty late. Let’s get to sleep. I know I’ve said this before, but I hope we keep sticking together like this, Akira.”

: Shit, that’s a one-way ticket to a stiff neck in the morning.

: It should be obvious where Joker is. We spent ten confidant ranks in here. This is Maruki’s office.

: The voice here plays twice and is distorted the second time.

:Joker moves at a plodding pace, and you can hear voices in Japanese playing in the background. Some of them definitely belong to Haru and Ann, and I think one belongs to Futaba but it’s hard to make out.

: “Were you still asleep, Kurusu-senpai?”

: “I was just guessing, but I suppose you did sound a bit sleepy, too. Remember promising me that we’d go pay our respects to the shrine together on New Year’s Day?”

: “Great! Well, today’s the day, if you want to keep that promise… I realize this may be a bit forward of me, but… what do you say to accompanying me to Meiji Shrine this afternoon?”

: “Really? Great, thank you! It’ll probably be pretty crowded today, but it oughtn’t be too bad in the afternoon, at least.”

: giggle “I must agree. I’ll make sure to pray to the gods that it won’t be so crowded! Oh, shoot… I hope that doesn’t count as me wishing before making my offering.”

: “Heeey, you up yet?”

: “Well, let’s meet at the shrine around noon. I’ll see you then!”

: “If you’re awake, could you lend me a hand?”

: “Oh, that reminds me - Happy New Year.”

: “And I hope you’ll continue getting along with Futaba and myself.”

: “I could cook some up, so long as you serve yourself everything and pay your bill on the way out.”

: “That’s a wise choice.”

: Joker screams. He runs to his room to call Yusuke and tell him to bring the biggest squirt gun he can find.

: This guy’s voice is unmistakably Morgana’s. What the fuck is going on here?

: “Oho, lookin’ sharp.”

: “Heheheh…”

: I’m only not screaming because I know there’s a plot reason for all of this. The thing is, it’s not a plot reason that explains the obviously human Morgana or Akechi coming back to life.

: Trust me, I’ll be screaming soon enough, because one of the things it doesn’t explain is why a bunch of cutscenes that were added for Royal to the base game exist at all.

: “Sorry, I don’t wanna be late to the shrine. More showing off comes later. Welp, time to make like a tree!”

: “What’s up? Did you have plans for today or something?”

: “Aw, c’mon, you should’ve just said as much, then. I’ll be fine here, so off you go. Have fun. Oh, but it’s pretty cold out there, so don’t forget to dress warm so you don’t catch a bug.”

: Uh, Joker? I think he’s right in front of you.

: Everyone else seems normal, at least.

: Atlus: “Sorry, we can’t afford to write a better plot. We’re too busy dumping our money into portraits we’re going to use for one scene.”

: “Talk about incredible happenstance.”

: “Indeed - but, due to this fortuitous turn of fate…”

: What’s funny about this is that Yusuke has a little animation where he starts the box over near where Makoto is, but quickly moves it to the left.

: I think we all know he’s actually talking about Joker.

: “What’re you doing, Kitagawa-senpai?”

: “Just ignore him. It’s like a fit he gets into sometimes.”

: “So, what do you wanna do after this? If we’ve got the time for it, why don’t we grab somethin’ to eat together?”

: “I’m sorry, I’ll be heading out with my family once we’re finished here.”

: “I have somewhere to be as well.”

: By the end of this conversation, we’ll know a lot about this strange new world we’ve entered. In fact, this cutscene is going to make a few upcoming ones kinda pointless.

: The only people who haven’t had their dreams magically come to life are Makoto and Yusuke. In the former case it’s because Makoto is a cardboard cutout and Yusuke’s only wish is Joker.

: “Well, I guess we’ll all just go do our own thing then.”

: “Mmhm! See you later.”

: “Oh, I was wondering earlier - what did you wish for at the shrine, Kurusu-senpai?”

: giggle “Well, we did just run into everyone else - maybe that was your wish!”

: “Me? Well…”

: “Ummm… he’s telling me that some relatives have come over to the house, so I have to go home and spend some time with them. He decided to come all the way out to the station to get me… my family’s kind of serious about their get-togethers.”

: “I’m really sorry - I was the one who invited you here and everything! At least allow me to accompany you to the station.”

: I don’t know what it is about the portrait for Kasumi’s father, but it looks… off. Anyway, there’s also a portrait if you didn’t do Kasumi’s Rank 3 event.

: “Hrgh…”

: “Who do we have here? I believe this is our first time meeting.”

: “This is Kurusu-senpai. The one I told you about before? My senpai who’s done so much for me.”

: “Ah, so you’re Kurusu-kun. My daughter talks about you all the time.”

: “D-Dad! Not all the time!”

: “Is that not so? I was told you picked these out for me, too. I know it’s pretty late for it, but thank you all the same.”

: “Dad wears them all the time, even at work.”

: “I’m quite the fan of them.”

: This shot here is kind of a plot hole, but the weird color filter thing has happened twice now. The first time was when Joker walked down the stairs this morning.

: “Wha-?”

: “Hm? Something wrong?”

: “Ah… no, nothing! Well then, Kurusu-senpai - please excuse us!”

: Well, that’s it for this update. We have a number of lengthy cutscenes coming in the next update, plus I have to do all the other Christmas Eve dates.

: Next time, we’ll see what’s probably the gayest scene in the game (not counting the gay Yusuke route) and find out who the final villain is.

: Anyway, I’m tired of all this dialog. I feel like it’s too much build-up, not enough payoff. Dreams magically coming to life… what a stupid fucking plot. I’m gonna go to bed. Good night, everyone.

[Timrod]

Summary

: I went back and did some housekeeping with the hub post and realized I never got around to posting Haru’s romance scenes. Let’s fix that.

: Like all of the romance cutscenes, Haru’s Rank 9 is identical up until the choice.

: “Huh!? Oh, I, um…! Do you… really mean that…? I-I see. So… it wasn’t just me. You know… at first, I thought I was asking you for help because of the Phantom Thieves…”

: “But I think really… it was so I could spend time with you. O-Oh! I guess I’m already getting better at saying what I think… f-for some reason… just looking at you gives me butterflies…”

: “U-Um, maybe we should go somewhere a little more private… some of the maids are still around here. O-Oh, but um, we definitely can’t go to my room! Who knows what they would say about that…”

: “Akira-kun… I’m so full of emotion… I doubt I could even drink coffee right now.”

: “Er, well… H-How are you?”

: “O-Oh, you… you’re so unfair… I was thinking the same thing, though. I wish you were here with me. Urgh… I’m the one who called, and yet… I suddenly feel so nervous.”

: “I just couldn’t control myself, and… I blurted out everything that was on my mind… I hope we can see each other again soon. It’d be nice not to have to rush… okay, bye.”

: Haru’s Rank 10 on the romance route is mostly identical to her other Rank 10, except it takes place in Joker’s room instead of in Leblanc itself.

: “I would have been married to a man I don’t respect… and lived a horrible life. I’m glad I can be with you instead…”

: “I meant, I’m… um… glad to be your teammate…”

: “Y-Yes… thank you. As long as you’re by my side… it feels like everything’s going to be okay… and if you’re ever in trouble, I will be there for you. After all, you were there for me when I needed it.”

: “I can help you now. I have the strength to do so, I can sense it.”

: “So, um… t-today… I’d… like to be with you a little longer.”

[SpammyV]

The real mystery for me right now is how much this stranger had to bribe the developers to get his name in the dialog boxes to be “Studly Guy.”