Best of WikiHow - Step 1: Cry

WikiHow, to quote Wikipedia, “is an online wiki-style community consisting of an extensive database of how-to guides”. Now wikiHow has some really good guides but it also houses some really batshit insane stuff that have to be seen to be believed. So the purpose of this thread is to comb the depths of the site and find the best of the worst. It can be a single panel or an entire article the choice is yours

That being said let’s begin:

How to Accept That You Are Gay

How to stop a wedding

How to be sassy


I feel obligated to post

aka The Wikihow Game.

The correct answer was “How To Know If You Are Drunk”

Looks like someone beat me to the punch on Oh well.

How to Deafeat a Twitter Addiction

If you like people giggling about wikiHow and, there’s also the podcast hosted by the guy who made They have done five hour long episodes on WikiHow.

EDIT: Title of this article that is no longer on the site: How to attend a death grips concert
Having since been to a death grips concert I can assure you MC Ride yelling is not the scary part. It’s when he shouts YUH and the whole crowd rushes forward instantaneously


I valiantly pushed “Random Article” 5 times to get… this…

not even a minute after i posted i got this

A classic:

I’m also particularly partial to this:


How to Act Like a Cat

How to Act Like a Warrior Cat

Make a clan name. Stick to nature, but don’t call your Clan NatureClan. Also, names like CookieClan, NetflixClan and WiiClan aren’t good, because cats don’t know what Netflix is. Names like DawnClan, IceClan, FireClan, and SunClan are just a few ideal ones.

How to Act Like a Starclan Cat

The Warrior Cats of Starclan are, let’s face it, awesome. Who wouldn’t want to act like one? Even if you’re an adult, acting like a Starclan cat is probably a smart life choice.

How to Make Your Own Real Life Warriors Cats Roleplay

I don’t even know what Warrior Cats is I just fell into this hole and I can’t see the bottom nor the top.

How to Climb Steep Hills While Cycling
Don’t mind me, just preparing myself mentally.


How to Evict a Commercial Tenant in California - actually a reasonable article (so far as I can tell), but I love this as first illustration.

One of the images in the 6 Ways to Stay Awake while Driving article, which by itself isn’t all that bad of an article. But it has some fairly exploitable images which is something I love about WikiHow art:

This guy’s face is my favorite


:tw: I’m probably going to reference abusive relationships and rant about all manner of potentially triggering shit. Tread lightly. :tw:

Oh gosh, friends! I found a fantastic article that I think will really help me talk to my friends and relatives who know absolutely nothing about Islam and who keep blasting my spouse’s faith with accusations that it’s sexist while giving me worried glances and asking me if I’m okay and–

… :catstare: You’re not helping, anonymous WikiHow contributor.

Look, I’m not Muslim and I will never be Muslim. But I’m married to a Muslim and I did a bunch of research into Islam and the Quran, Hadith, and other religious writings as well as read several books by well respected scholars and learned individuals on the subject (strongly recommend Islam: The Straight Path by John Esposito.) In addition to all this I’ve talked with many Muslims (and not just my in-laws) so I do know quite a bit more about this than the average non-Muslim. I am by no means an expert and the last thing I want to do is come in here and speak for them. The single most important thing I learned from all this exposure was that Islam is a faith that is spread across over a billion people of unique cultural backgrounds who often have their own interpretations and insights into their overarching faith. Islam, and Muslims, is/are not a monolith. That out of the way…


Let’s take a look together, shall we.

Okay we’re barely a paragraph in and this person is already tossing out some kind of terminology that I have never even heard of. What the fuck is baliq? I have never even seen this term before. I tried looking it up and it just takes me to some town with the word in its name. This leads me to believe it’s a very regional, very local, cultural term unique to this person because I just asked my spouse what it was and they have no fucking clue. My humorous interpretation, baliq is this anonymous Muslim’s equivalent to being a fujoshi.

Alisha are your friends showing you crude scans of the Gravitation manga? Watch out! You gotta dump those bad influences! It always troubles me when someone is being told to dump their friends and family because that’s what abusers often make their victims do. Like, yeah Alisha if your friends are making meth, voting for Trump, and trying to see who can collect the most venereal diseases maybe sever but if they just wanna watch Stranger Things and drink PBR you can drink water and complain about that overhyped trash show. (It’s garbage, fight me.)

Oh gosh, I’m not even sure how to tackle this one. This might be a bit above my pay grade. I don’t feel I have the qualifications but I’ll do my best. I’m trying really hard not to speak for anyone here but this is really challenging. Okay? Okay. Most Muslims in their late 20s and 30s (this generation) and Muslims in their early teens (the upcoming generation) have gotten pretty fed up with this shit right here. Sometimes, even their parents have bucked this (my own mother-in-law, for example.) Modern Muslims aren’t particularly enthralled with having basically no interaction with or understanding of the other sex (Muslim women are especially tired of men’s ignorance and misinformation.) The idea of marrying a near perfect stranger just doesn’t hold the same appeal any more. Many Muslims are trying to, or have already, move/moved past the idea that any involvement with the other sex whatsoever is remotely dangerous. They understand that non-romantic love exists and is a thing and that unrelated men and women can have healthy, non-romantic relationships and be friends. In fact, historically this has often been the case. Men and women often forged friendships and worked closely and informally with one another and there was no scandal. That shit right up there is really dumb.

Look, there’s still a lot of social pressure and discouragement from the older generations (mostly grandparents and older) but the younger generations have largely been telling the old people that that shit just doesn’t fly any more. They are largely free to make all the eye contact they want and talk as informally as they fucking please in most places (I’m not getting into that, I’m already feeling really racist.) A lot of people might wave this issue away as being ‘too complicated’ or whatever but it’s really not. Every Muslim woman has her own way of going about interpersonal interactions with others. Meanwhile, this fucker is already implying a blanket demand of deference and doing nobody any favors here with this bullshit.

Yes, I just said that but why do you come out the gate assuming women are flaunting their beauty, buddy? And what do you mean by ‘flaunting their beauty’? I’m starting to think this author is a man or some poor woman bursting at the seams with internalized misogyny. This WikiHow article is depressing me. I mean, hell yeah women got all kinds of mad respect among their contemporaries and were able to achieve loads of great things but why you gotta be like that?

Did you know the oldest library and first university ever was started by a Muslim woman? Because in the Islamic world women were encouraged, if not required, to be educated as well as allowed to inherit, own land and run businesses, and get divorces centuries before western women were allowed to do even a fraction of that.

:siren: :can: :can: :can: :can: :can: :can: :can: :siren:

Fuuuuuuuck. :sweat: ::Just takes a step back a moment before taking a deep breath and rolling up her sleeves.::

Who does this joker think he is? Fuck this guy. This motherfucker definitely doesn’t know any Bangladeshis because women are actively discouraged to wear hijab in Bangladesh. (Because wearing it has come to be associated with supporting a political party that is full of total monster assholes.) In most Muslim majority countries wearing hijab is optional and there is no obligation to wear hijab. The passages from the Quran that this dude (pretty sure they’re a guy now) is sourcing to defend obligatory hijab are just a request for modesty and to cover ones head while praying. Not at all times, just while praying. This can be done with a scarf or shawl or whatever, it doesn’t have to be hijab.

I’m now really curious to know what country this dude was raised in. Dude does not understand the hugely complex, very political, and deeply personal reasons why a woman may or may not choose to wear hijab that changes from not just place to place, but person to person. Just an example from my small slice of of the whole, most of the Muslim folks I know have huge respect hijabi women because they are fierce as fuck and do not mess around but I’ve spoken to a few that think it’s excessive self-righteous posturing. That hijabi women are just dick measuring to show that they’re the most devoutest ever and that’s not what Islam is about. (It’s not a competition!) So sentiments on hijab are hugely distinct from individual to individual and it sure as fuck shouldn’t be men who decide whether or not it’s mandatory, but women and only women.

No. Some Muslim women adhere more strictly to the vague modesty standards then others but once again it’s all based on personal preference. Some will wear torn jeans and t-shirts with profanity on them and some will wear loose pants and long sleeve shirts all the time. Some even wear those flowing gowns that I once bought so I could wear a fake beard and LARP as a sorcerer at the Ren Faire. (I am not the most culturally sensitive. My in-laws seemed to find it hilarious but they might have just been awkwardly humoring my offensively racist ass.*)

This is actually fine. Good job, buddy!

The five prayers a day take maybe 30 minutes total for all but the most devoutest. Spending three and a half hours on studying the Quran and other Islamic stuff sounds great and I guess it’s doable. Assuming she’s working or going to school eight hours a day and sleeping eight hours a night then she can still spend four hours in religious study/observance and have four hours left over to sprinkle throughout the day to eat, go to the bathroom, and do whatever else she needs/wants…

…Yikes. Look, I don’t recall reading anything in the Quran or the Hadith that mentioned a specific amount of time dedicated to prayer/observance like this and I think this guy is just making shit up here. Muslims are actually discouraged from treating their religion like a mandate or a chore. It’s not supposed to be an imposition, it’s supposed to be beautiful and enjoyable. This does not sound like that to me (though still not gonna speak for any Muslim.) I would get really bored of reading the Quran and studying other Islamic materials for three and a half hours a day. When I was educating myself on this on my own time I might have spent 4+ hours nose deep in books or hours into a video but there was no fucking way I did that every goddamn day. There is a mountain of resources and information available on Islam and you really could just devote your life to absorbing it all and if you choose to do so, more power to you, I am not gonna judge! But you shouldn’t be volunteered to. All Muslims are required to read the Quran and they’re encouraged to read the Hadith and all the other stuff just to get familiar but no reasonable person expects a person to make a life out of it.

Again, I might not be the best person to talk about this because I’ve only managed to read the Quran twice and I’ve got a complicated relationship with it. (It’s got some choice content, you know the passages because all the Islamophobes cite them all over media. I am not a fan of that shit (some of which isn’t even their shit but stuff racists are making up, interpreting incorrectly, or taking out of context) but it is literally a fraction of the stuff in the Quran. So my major complaint isn’t any of that but actually in how it’s organized. You see, it’s incredibly well organized but not in a way that I can get used to or follow easily along with. Especially not with my ADHD. Maybe I’ll talk about this some day.)

:neutral_face: Really? Really guy? You’re gonna do this? Ugh, look, I already talked about this. This generation of Muslims and the generation before them have, for the most part, really gotten tired of this shit. Step aside, old people, Muslims would like to have friends, talk to each other, and know who their spouse is as a person now.

::Scrolls up, copies and pastes:: It always troubles me when someone is being told to dump their friends because that’s what abusers often make their victims do. Paling around with non-believers is fine, they could use the interaction with Muslims so they get to know them as a person and stop thinking terrible awful bullshit about Muslims. If they’re garbage and peer pressuring a Muslim to drink alcohol, eat pig, do drugs, and don’t take no for an answer then they’re shit friends and sever. But that literally goes for everybody and anybody.

Friends, I’m about to blow your minds. Muslims… can be gay and asexual too.

Being with an evil man only traumatizes the kids, ladies. Think of the kids, but not the wife and mother, and how awful a piece of shit man is for them. (But again, not the woman, she doesn’t matter.):+1: :discourse: The same dude telling women to avert their gaze from men and maybe cover every square inch of their body with loose drab clothing warning women against marrying evil men in the same post is just a giant :ironicat:

[quote]Can Muslim girls get educated?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
Yes they can. A Muslim girl has hopes, dreams and passions too and they deserve to be fulfilled.[/quote]

Can just any contributor answer questions on an article? Cause I’m mighty skeptical that the guy that wrote that article would express such a sentiment as anything beyond lip service.

[quote]What if you are in a situation that somehow you have to talk to a boy?
Answered by wikiHow Contributor
In that case, see that boy in a positive manner and think you’re doing it only because it’s necessary for something important. Try to have someone else with you.[/quote]

… :negative:


Source, a man telling you to read the Quran and other Islamic materials 3 and a half hours a day. And who in a later bullet point says,

This guy: Have fun with it!
Also this guy: No fun allowed!


I’m glad we shared this moment together, I hope we all learned something.

Here’s a picture of Kamala Khan punching Donald Trump in the face.

*The story of why a bunch of Muslims came with me to a Ren Faire is gonna have to wait for another thread.


Meanwhile, in other religious news

Oh - if you’d rather be the Pope, they’ve got that covered.


I’ll just… leave this artifacted thing here…