Last time, Pierce stuck us with his dirty work. This time, though, he’s got a job he’ll actually be joining us for. He’s tight-lipped on what it actually is, but surely it’ll be worth our time. At the very least, we can’t say no to a radio duet.
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Today, we finally get around to Asha’s loyalty mission after doing her regular missions a while back. Once again, it’s time for MI6 training, but we’re getting a little more specific in this one. Asha’s given us a VIP to protect, and of course the Boss is kinda impatient about it. But that doesn’t mean we can’t complete this job in our own way… even if that is exactly the opposite of the intended goal of the scenarios Asha’s giving us.
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It’s been ten whole episodes, but we’re finally getting around to saving the last Saint! Let’s just hope Benjamin King hasn’t been suffering too much in his personalized digital hell. Ah well, what are we up against today? Why, an entire setpiece that meant almost nothing to me the first time I played this! THis time around though, it’s time for a bit of nostalgia as we take a short trip back to Stilwater.
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King’s back, and you know what that means: take over missions! There’s not much left of an audience left, but he’s writing a book anyway. And since he needs inspiration, that means the Boss can go into the simulation and do all the things she wants to do anyway!
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It seems Simulation Tanya isn’t gone just yet. Not only did she survive from King’s simulation, she’s also changing the simulation to her own benefit. And because the Dominatrix apparently wasn’t enough, Tanya’s changes come in the form of making the NPC programs into her sex workers. Presumably they’ll be sex workers trained in combat, and on that assumption it would be a good idea to stop Tanya before she has a working army.
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Okay. We’ve just about exhausted everything we can do in the Simulation. Mostly. Okay, there are still clusters left, but this is more important! We have a shot at bringing back Johnny Gat, and the Boss is going to make sure this operation is successful no matter the cost!
… Although the cost might be putting everyone on the ship in terrible danger. So, you know, not exactly a simple choice after all.
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I’m sure you know the drill by now: we’ve saved Gat, and now he has stuff for us to do in the Simulation. But this is the last one of these we’ll be seeing since Johnny’s the last guy we had to save! That’s right, we’ll be seeing the last bit of takeover this game has to offer! At this point we’re upgraded to the teeth so few things are going to stand in the way. In fact, the best defense the enemy has is to simply not show up at all!
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Now that we’ve finished all of the activities, we’re just about done with the Simulation! There’s still stuff to collect, and some of that includes Zinyak’s backstory that allows us to heckle him as we read it! And once that’s done, we’ve got another loyalty mission to do. Because while the bond of loyalty between the Boss and Johnny is already strong, they’ve got some catching up to do.
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Our business in the Simulation is concluded, save for exactly three audio logs that mysteriously don’t exist. Ah well, no time to worry about that! The Saints are getting together to discuss how to take this place down for good, so we’ll just have to write that off as a lost cause. Unless, of course, something goes terribly wrong with this meeting. And, uh, I just noticed the title for this one’s a little… uh… discouraging.
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We’ve hit a pretty major setback, what with Kinzie getting kidnapped. We’ve got to save her, but first we need to deal with the traitorous Keith David. But after years of enacting terrible vengeance on those who double-cross the Saints, can the Boss finally bring herself to let a slight go? Let’s hope so, or hiring Keith David to play himself in this game is going to feel a little mean-spirited.
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What was funny about this when I played it is that I had no idea who Keith David even was. Funny how he’s the traitor in this game but in his most recent major role he’s the one in love with the traitor.
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You know, after both his roles in these games that seems like a nice change of pace for him.
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Alright, everything’s back in order and we can return to planning the Simulation’s downfall! Kinzie and Ben have figured out what’s needed for the last operation, so all we have to do is collect everything on their list. Sure the Zin are throwing everything and ten kitchen sinks at us, but who hasn’t tried to bear down with their entire military might once the Saints get close to victory? Seriously, we’re used to desperation at this point.
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The stage is set for the Saints’ final operation. The Boss and her companions prepare for a three-stage operation that will take out the Simulation and open a hole in the Zin mothership’s security. There’s plenty in the way of Zinyak’s head, but so far nothing has stopped the Boss from killing someone she doesn’t like and she’s not gonna let the fact that she’s facing aliens ruin that record.
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Well, we knew this was going to happen eventually, but not so soon, surely.
It’s Kinzie’s birthday! She’s not terribly excited for it, but there’s not much else to do between time travel excursions so the rest of the Saints prepared one heck of a party! It’s just a shame the Boss was kidnapped by a hell portal partway through. Now Johnny and Kinzie have to follow their leader to the Abyss and stage a rescue before she’s married off to Satan’s daughter.
Welcome to the last of the original Saints Rows! Consider this a bit of an expansion for Saints Row IV. Once again the game revolves largely around super powers. They’ve all got a bit of a revamp, except for dash (because there’s only so many ways you can run) and telekenesis (which is straight up replaced by a different power.) But since this isn’t a main series game, don’t go in expecting this to have a more prominent story than what IV had. In fact, expect less than that, even. This one’s here so you can fly around and do activities, but our goal is straightforward and doesn’t involve doing much outside of what we were already planning on doing (killing demons.)
What is a Ouija board? Something that traffics your Boss to the underworld, apparently. After the most surprising birthday Kinzie will probably experience, she and Johnny Gat go to Hell! They may not know what they’re doing, but they are guided to their goal by Johnny’s keen sense of who he wants to injure and/or murder.
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Now that we’re in Hell, we gotta start taking over, as is the norm for the Saints at this point. Kinzie tags in and does some missions for Dane Vogel before heading Downtown to meet a pair we haven’t seen since before the Earth exploded. Heck, one of them we haven’t even seen since coming to Steelport!
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We’ve got one power already, and today we’ll be getting two more! It seems Blackbeard needs help and Shakespeare is… weird. But at the end of the day, we can get both of 'em on our side. Aaaaaand then save them both again because we hit another milestone that gets some of Satan’s minions striking back against us.
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