Leeet's Plaaay the Gobliiins Serieees



The puzzles continue to get stranger the closer we get to our goal, but with magic, we can make some amazing things happen. Feels a lot like the first game again, doesn’t it? But even with his magic, Ooya has a hard time getting around because he doesn’t have wings. Fortunately, he and Blount can work together to overcome any goat.

Part 5-2: “I can’t stop looking at the absurdity of the whole thing. It’s hard to make a comment. Everything is silly. It’s great. We knocked out a goat.” Polsy Youtube


We’ve spent the last two videos collecting some very strange items, perhaps even by Gobliiins standards, but it’s time we put those items to use and solve some puzzles. We even get to play as a couple of new characters in this one!

Part 5-3: “I want this exact screen, subtitle and everything, just plastered on the side of a van.” Polsy Youtube


I was not expecting a Lifeline joke in a Goblins 3 video, but I’m glad it happened. It’s going to be a hell of a thing watching these weird, weird series of events unfold in the “pro play” CD version video.


I’m not sure I’d call this a “pro play” exactly, but I do try to show off as much as I can and bring a bit of extra humor into the solo videos. I think this one is worth a watch despite having very little new content beyond what was in the guest videos.

Part 5: Blount and Ooya’s Magical Adventure Polsy Youtube


Yes, I split the video just for a joke. The second half sees us defeat a mighty warrior with some of the tiniest implements ever. Unfortunately, Bizoo’s voice is particularly annoying, but that’s probably to be expected by now.

Part 5-2: The Shadow of Colossus Polsy Youtube


At long last, we’ve reached our original destination - the palace of Queen Xina in Foliander. She’s the one who hired Colossus to hurl rocks at passing ships, and she’s got an evil-looking fountain of bitterness in her throne room. What could be the reason for her antagonistic attitude? Is she being manipulated? And why does Wolfy seem to find that so appealing?

Part 6-1: “I’m never entirely sure when we’re talking about a group of eight pixels.” Polsy Youtube


We’ve made it to the throne room of King Bodd, the other head of state Blount has been wanting to interview since the start of the game. (I don’t think the brief encounter where he had Blount executed earlier really counts for that purpose.) Here, the puzzles start to get a bit more absurd, and things in this particular playthrough start to go rather wrong. The series has been so good so far about making sure that you always have the items you need before letting you progress, in the rare cases when you can’t go back for them. In this one case, probably due to a programming oversight, that doesn’t quite work. Will we still be able to succeed, despite missing a critical item? Let’s find out.

Part 6-2: “Should we shoot the kid?” Polsy Youtube


It’s time to wrap things up and make both monarchs happy, at least as much as we can. Unfortunately for us, they’ve got other ideas, and we have a new mission now that we’ve scored the interviews we were after from the start. We’ve become an instrument of the rivalry between the two halves of the kingdom, which is unfortunate, since we have to satisfy both of them to get Wynnona back and restored to her former self. Will we even make it that far?

Part 6-3: “This is why you don’t let QA do a Let’s Play.” Polsy Youtube


Well, there’s no sense holding this up. The Splash isn’t the only one who can have technical problems with this game, but in my case, I did everything in the right order and have no idea what happened. On the bright side, in this video, you can see the conversations that we missed in the guest video, perhaps shedding a tiny bit more light on what’s going to happen in the next part of the game.

Part 6: Headgear and Footwear Polsy Youtube


I don’t see any point to making this part of the official playlist, but if anyone’s been wondering what The Splash and I get up to before recording or just wanted something to show your friends to demonstrate our rapport without making them sit through an entire video, here’s something I threw together. It shouldn’t actually take three weeks to get the session posted, but this should help fill the gap.


At last, it’s time to enter the fabled maze! Apparently, it’s really important to both of the rulers of Foliander that we complete this test, but there’s a very good reason that nobody’s ever managed it before. Probably many reasons, only some of which will be evident early on. This is one of those puzzles that essentially gives you a shopping list of items to collect so you can return and solve the actual puzzle. Just like the alchemist’s lab, actually! So it’s probably appropriate that Blount’s disembodied hands make a reappearance here. We’ll be revisiting a lot of ideas from earlier in the game in the maze.

Part 7-1: “I think tiny books are the epitome. Just really obscenely tiny books are probably the most ridiculous things in existence.” Polsy Youtube


The adventure of the labyrinth continues, as The Splash starts to put the pieces together - literally, in some cases - and figure out what the purpose of the library is. There’s a lot of reading involved, and also a fair bit of math. We also need to hide from the spider. It’s hairy and has lots of legs.

Part 7-2: “If you tell me I can’t shove a horse into things, the first thing I want to do is shove a horse into things.” Polsy Youtube


It’s finally time to play the board game, now that we’ve finally collected all of the pieces. It’s a strange game, and the rules aren’t entirely clear, particularly since one of the most important moves you need to make doesn’t even relate to what’s on the board. It’s also not clear why winning this game is the key to moving on in the wider game of Goblins 3, but that’s the maze for you. Nothing makes sense. And it’s only going to get worse.

Part 7-3: “Am I making this too exciting?” Polsy Youtube


I’d just like to say that the board and the study are my favorite screens in Gob3.


Sorry about the long wait for this video, but a lot has been going on. Among other things, I had surgery to get contact lenses implanted in my eyes so I can see without glasses, mostly. Text still gives me problems sometimes, and when my eyes get tired, I have to force them to focus on stuff. I also got really sick around the same time, so I wasn’t in any condition to do much. Things at work got really hectic as well, but that’s not a change. It’s just a thing that happened. So with all that going on, it’s nice to kick back at last and relax with some games. It’s not quite as relaxing when you have no idea how to play the game, even with the rules right there, but we’ll get by. The odd thing is that, while this part of the game throws what little logic the previous parts had out the window, it does contain the final screen where I didn’t need to use a Joker when I played the game for the first time. I can’t explain that.

Part 7: How about a messed-up game of chess? Polsy Youtube


We’re back! I’d catch you all up on what happened previously, but I’m not sure any of it matters. I have some theories about what might be happening in this part of the game, but I’ll be the first to admit that I’m terrible at interpreting things like symbolism, art, and cases where I can’t tell whether any of those things are there or not. The Gobliiins series as a whole has conditioned us to expect some very weird stuff, but I don’t think anything could have prepared us for whatever this is.

Part 8-1: “I’m getting some Twin Peaks flashbacks.” Polsy Youtube


I think I’ll let the title quote for this video do the talking for me. It’s one of those lines that seems utterly absurd, but like most of the rest of them, they actually fit once you see the context.

Part 8-2: “If I was stuck on a cliff because I rode a magical flying crygoldfish across a castle and the only thing I could do was either hop off, jump down into, I’m guessing, a giant orifice in the corner there, or grab a dragon pickle, I would grab the dragon pickle.” Polsy Youtube


We’re almost done. Almost. So close. I’m not any closer to being able to explain what’s going on here, but we manage to make Blount look beautiful and ugly and move on from this strangeness and into a very different kind of strangeness.

Part 8-3: “I can’t imagine what playing this game would be like if I had to drink every time I made a wrong decision.” Polsy Youtube


There’s a lot of information in these games that I didn’t know existed when I played through them following the hint book and gave up trying to solve any of the puzzles. I’m sure some of that information would be useful to those poor fools who didn’t lean on the hint book and actually tried to complete the game in earnest. If it exists, I have no idea where it is. Even the material that’s meant to explain what’s happening doesn’t help much. I don’t know why you have to do some of the things you have to do. Having established that, this is easily the most confusing part of the series. There’s a part in the fourth game where literally nothing is recognizable as a thing, and it’s still slightly less confusing than this.

Part 8: Scrambled Egg Polsy Youtube


The end of the game is slightly less confusing than the past few parts, but that’s about the equivalent of saying that the hole you’ve fallen into is slightly less deep than the Marianas Trench. It’s still going to give you a splitting headache when you’re finished. Speaking of splitting, that seems to have been the problem all along, or at least since we accomplished our original goal of getting to Foliander some 3/4 of the way through the game. The minor detail of the spring of bitterness splitting the kingdoms, which you’d only have found if you investigated the fountains, makes this ending slightly more sensible (Marianas Trench, blah blah blah), but it all still seems entirely abstract in a way that the previous games relegated to explicitly drug-induced single screens. In any case, the game is over, and only the fourth game remains to be played.

Part 9: “Everything is quacking in this last level. Stage. Area.” Polsy Youtube