Down, Down, Down By the River: Let's Play Baldur's Gate 3

[Timrod]

Summary

: Welcome back to Baldur’s Gate 3! Today, we’re going to explore the druid grove and see what we can find. I think we’ll start with this room right here, the one on the left.

: The druids will attack us if we interact with almost anything in this room, even just reading the open books they left out on the tables. I think that part’s a code oversight.

: They don’t come in here for the most part though.

: That’s odd. There’s a crawlspace behind this bookshelf. Someone’s hiding something.

: This spot’s really easy to miss. The game skips it entirely if you keep progressing the main quest, and it’s totally optional.

: Mara? Who is this, and why are they in my LP?

: No clue, I thought you invited her. She just showed up and took charge. Kinda reminds me of the princess that way.

: I’m only the best furry streamer around! Astra Fischer, at your service! Say hi, chat!

: Astra was done by sofftiddies on Bluesky. The portraits were done by l0re21 on Discord.

[The marks crisscrossing the page don’t look scribed so much as slashed.]

Kagha.

Swamp-docks. Tree. Meet me. Alone.

Olodan.

: And what’s this? A copy of the Shadow Druids’ doctrine? In Kagha’s personal chest? Not quite enough to ruin her, but we’re close..

: This part is totally optional. If you know where the tree mentioned in the note is, you can just go right there and end the quest.

: Let’s go say hi to Nettie.

1. Is there anything I can do to help?
2. Wait patiently.
3. Excuse me? I’m more important than some bird.
4. Leave.

: “Is there anything I can do to help?”

: “A moment!”

: “Vis medicatrix.. There. It’s up to her now. Life or death.”

: I think it’s so cool that all of the spells are in Latin.

: I just point my finger at stuff and it explodes. No Latin required.

: A lot of people remember the incantation for the Fire Bolt cantrip (“Ignis!”) but personally I prefer the Invoker in DOTA 2. I hate that game but I can still quote most of his voice lines from memory.

: The last time I touched that game was in 2012 and I didn’t even main Invoker.

: “Now, what was it you needed?”

1. I’m looking for Nettie.
2. I need help. Now.
3. Healing. Looks like I came to the right person.

: “Healing. Looks like I came to the right person.”

: “I do what I can. For most folks, that’s enough. Come here. Let’s have a look at you.”

: “You seem healthy enough. A bit tired 'round the eyes, maybe.”

1. No good way of putting this. I..uh.. have a tadpole in my head.
2. More than tired. Something crawled into my eye.
3. Right. Yes, I’m.. very tired indeed.

: “More than tired. Something crawled into my eye.”

: “Crawled in? Some sort of bug or - wait… Did it look like a tadpole? But from your worst nightmare? All slime, teeth, and tentacles?”

1. You know of them? Can you help me?
2. What other kinds are there? It’s not like a frog hopped in my eye.
3. Actually, never mind. I’ll get help elsewhere.

: “You know them? Can you help me?”

: “I-I’ll do what I can. Come, follow me. I might be able to help.”

: The dialog coming up changes slightly depending on whether you follow her alone or whether the party joins you.

: (That’s a dead drow over on that slab.)

: As soon as we get close enough, a voice rings out in Pollux’s head urging him to take the parasite on the table. On a tactician run, you probably want to grab as many of these as you can.

: “This one had the same problem as you. Attacked us in the woods together with some goblins. Tadpole crawled out of his head soon after.”

1. The drow and I have the same kind of parasite?
2. I’m hoping for a less grave cure.
3. So you killed him and laid him out on the table?
4. Is everyone being captured by mind flayers these days? Didn’t think it was a common experience.

: “I’m hoping for a less grave cure. There has to be some kind of surgery or something, right?”

: “I’ll do the best I can. I’m no Master Halsin, mind. He’d have your tadpole out like that. Still, we have options.”

: (Why is she looking at that branch like that?)

: “You don’t have to be here for this.”

: “Please, don’t mind me. I’ll just watch.”

: (I am going to laugh so hard if she puts that in his eye, and even harder if it’s a suppository.)

: “All right, let’s see what we can do.”

1. Thank you, I’ll take anything that can help.
2. What’s that plant? Will it help?
3. Just hurry up and cure me. I don’t have time to chat.

: “Thank you, I’ll take anything that can help.”

: Pollux about to get the old Isaac Clarke special.

: Can we not talk about that? I’m still traumatized.

: “Of course. Now, tell me what’s been happening. Any symptoms? Strange events?”

1. I can merge my mind with anyone else that’s infected.
2. I fell from a ship in the sky, but something caught me. It saved my life.
3. An intellect devourer spoke to me as if I were one of its own.
4. No, nothing strange, I just want it out of my head.

: “I can merge my mind with anyone else that’s infected.”

: (Not that I want to. I’ve seen enough for one lifetime already.)

: “Victims can identify each other? Not that the victims know they’re victims, of course. How’d you pick up the parasite? Halsin was desperate to find where all this was happening.”

1. On a mind flayer ship - I was kidnapped and infected.
2. I don’t know, I just woke up with it.
3. You’re asking a lot of questions…
4. Look, are you going to cure me or not?

: “On a mind flayer ship - I was kidnapped and infected.”

: "A mind flayer ship? But Master Halsin was sure - "

: “…Look, you’ve been straight with me, so I’ll be straight with you. You’re dangerous. If you transform here, we’re all dead. But you seem like a good soul. You deserve a chance to save yourself.”

: “This is a vial of wyvern poison. Swear to me you’ll swallow it if you feel any symptoms.”

: It’s like Pollux never escaped hell in the first place with the way everyone’s trying to kill him.

1. I thought you could cure me. What about that branch of yours?
2. I swear.
3. All right. Hand it over.
4. No, I’m not taking poison from a woman I can’t trust.

: “I thought you could cure me. What about that branch of yours?”

: “The thorn? Coated in a fatal toxin. It was a last resort, in case I couldn’t trust you. I don’t have a cure. Only a way out.”

: “I’m sorry for misleading you, but I had to be sure you weren’t a threat before I told you everything. Now, do I have your word or not?”

: (I’m sure Astarion will enjoy the free poison..)

1. I swear.
2. All right. Hand it over.
3. No. I’m not taking poison from a woman I can’t trust.

: 4. I have this elven juice cleanse I think will do the job.

: You are not blowing up the druid grove a third time.

: Yeah, you’re right. It’ll be more amusing if we coat Astarion’s rapier in the poison and then sneak attack her.

: “I hope it doesn’t come to that, but.. thank you. Here. You know, I’ve spent my life treating folk and never once saw a mind flayer infection. Then suddenly there’s dozens of you - maybe more.”

: That’s probably because in the established lore for mind flayers (which mostly comes from the AD&D and early 3E era), mind flayers can’t handle light. They mostly live underground.

: By the way, the reason she gave Pollux the poison is because one of the few things in established lore (which didn’t come from this game) is that undergoing ceremorphosis deletes your soul.

: “Master Halsin and I were tracking them, studying them, trying to figure out what the hells was going on. Because you should all be changing - there should be a small army of mind flayers out there! But you’re not. Weird powers aside, you seem perfectly normal.”

1. What do you mean ‘should’ be changing?
2. You must’ve learned something from studying them.
3. Just tell me if there’s a cure or not.

: “What do you mean ‘should’ be changing?”

: “Mind flayers reproduce by infecting someone with their parasite. Seven gruesome days later, the victim transforms and a new mind flayer is born. The thing in your skull, though? It’s different to anything in our records.”

: “It’s one of their worms, for sure, but this one gives you powers - telepathic connections. And it doesn’t turn you into one of them. Not yet, anyhow.”

1. So you think it’s only a matter of time?
2. That’s.. good news?
3. You said you were tracking other victims. Did they change?

: “You said you were tracking other victims. Did they change?”

: “Hard to say, but there’s a lot we don’t know. Infected - folks like you - have been converging on an old temple of Selune, and I’ve no idea why.”

: “When Master Halsin heard the adventurers were heading that way, he saw a chance to get answers. Joined on the spot. Whatever he found there, he didn’t make it back.”

1. What do you want me to do?
2. So? Go and get him.
3. You think he’s still alive?

: “Do you think he’s still alive?”

: “I think so. I hope so. I’ve sent birds to find him, but they can’t get close without goblins trying to shoot them down. You, though? You’re one of them - technically speaking, I mean. They won’t kill someone carrying their parasite.”

: “If you can find Halsin and get him out of there, we can discover what he’s learned. And perhaps he can save your life. How’s that sound?”

1. All right, I’ll find Halsin.
2. It sounds like you’re making a lot of assumptions that could kill me.
3. You’re sure he can cure me?
4. That sounds like suicide. I won’t do it.

: “All right. I’ll find Halsin.”

: (Assuming he can actually cure me and won’t try to poison me to death.)

: “Thank you. It would mean everything to the grove. To me. I wish I could tell you more, but only those adventurers know what happened out there.”

: “All I can say for sure is they all went to the old temple of Selune and Master Halsin didn’t make it back. Good luck out there. And if things start to go bad - remember the vial. Remember your oath.”

: Nettie leaves, and there’s a short exchange between the party.

: “Wyvern poison - pah! It’ll take more than a nasty drink to finish Lae’zel of Creche K’liir.”

: “Better a quick draught than ceremorphosis, nonetheless.”

: “Trade it to the nearest quartermaster for a better weapon - it looks like you could use one.”

: This desk (which is presumably Halsin’s) has a bunch of books and notes on it.

My Dear Nettie,

I entrust you with the circlet to open the library. Wear it always. If you need to enter the vault, talk to Rath. He has the rune, but won’t give it to anyone, so be sure you have a good reason to ask. Protect my research while I’m gone and take care of the animals. Don’t give fish to Tuffet, she’s getting lazy.

Master Halsin

: Tuffet is a bear sleeping outside. We can talk to her, but we’d need someone who could do that. I might just re-spec Lyselle into a druid temporarily.

: We could also steal the rune off Rath, but doing so would be difficult without magical assistance since he’s normally in a room with a bunch of onlookers.

[Anatomical sketches of both a drow and an illithid tadpole are accompanied by notes written in an urgent scribble.]

… the parasite was nestled deep in the brain matter… illithid, undoubtedly. Yet the host seemed unaware while alive?

… no visible signs of ceremorphosis on the cadaver. Most strange.

[The final note is a single, underlined word.]

Altered???

: The dead drow also has a letter on him.

Track the druid, find whatever burrow he runs to, and report back to me.

Remember, you are only a scout. Do not engage. Do not kill anyone.

Simply observe and return. I shall decide what we do next.

-M.

: Tucked away in a corner is another note.

A long list of owlbear sightings in the region, separated by date. The latest entry (written a tenday ago), says ‘cub!’ The word is underlined several times.

: This is part of another sidequest I did in probably the most backwards way possible on my first run through the game.

: Finally, this book here gives us a recipe for antidote. This room has the ingredients for it, which we can freely take without anyone getting pissed about it.

: The last thing we can do while we’re here is look at these murals. This is part of the Kagha sidequest.

Narrator: By claw and tooth, from root to thorn, The Old Oak’s grove, to wildlings sworn.

: For each of these, we have to roll a check to understand them. This is probably best done on Shadowheart, since she has the relevant skills.

Narrator: The mural shows druids claiming the grove in the name of the Old Oak - Silvanus, god of nature.

Narrator: The forest rose with claw and tooth to tear the darkness from its roots.

Narrator: The mural depicts druid and beast fighting together to drive monsters from their land.

Narrator: It looks like they were victorious. And yet the monsters have returned.

Narrator: In darkest hour, a concord made, 'twixt harp and wild against the shade.

Narrator: ‘Harp and wild’? A riddle to some, but you understand the meaning immediately. The druids turned to the Harpers for help. Unusual for such a territorial group.

: The Harpers are a generic hero group in D&D lore.

: So THAT’s how Concord got made. No wonder it got cancelled after two weeks.

Narrator: The tower seized, the battle done, the moonrise broke the Darkest One.

Narrator: You recognize the mark of the dark goddess Shar on the broken helmet. This army marched in her name.

: “So many dead. Sent to the Nightsinger’s embrace.”

Narrator: ‘Moonrise’ must be a reference to Shar’s divine sister, Selune.

: We’ve got just two more things to do in the grove before we depart.

: The first is this path that comes out of the area with the ritual circle, where we met Volo. There’s a second, near-identical path that leads to a chest with some ingredients in it.

: Is someone singing up here? I could hear it the whole time we were here.

: “Dance upon the stars tonight. Smile and pain will fade away. Words of mine will change - no. Become - ugh.”

1. Stay silent and listen.
2. What’s that tune you’re singing?
3. How can I put this? That sounded a little… unpolished.
4. Leave.

: Alfira has a small role in the Dark Urge route (where you brutally murder her) but is otherwise cut content - she was meant to be a party member but was cut before release.

: “…”

: “Change? No. DAMN IT.”

1. Are you all right?
2. This grove could become a battlefield soon enough. It’s not the time for music.
3. There’s no singing voice that could save those lyrics. You know that, right?

: “Are you all right?”

: “No. I’m moments away from a grisly death.. at the hands of this bloody song. I can’t.. nothing fits, you know?”

1. Let me see if I can help.
2. That’s the creative process for you. Agony and ecstasy. Mostly agony.
3. Why are you songwriting now? Hardly the best time.
4. You’d better swap that lute for a weapon. You’ll need one, soon enough.
5. Leave.

: “Let me see if I can help.”

: “Hm. It can’t hurt. I have her.. I have an extra lute, if you want?”

1. First things first - what’s the song about?
2. Hand me that lute. We can perform together.
3. Leave.

: This is the bisexual band camp experience.

: “Hand me that lute. We can perform together.”

: “I’ll start from the beginning. We’ll take it slow. Dance upon the stars tonight.. Smile and pain will fade away..”

1. [PERFORMANCE] Play along with her.
2. Slip the lute into your pack.
3. Here. I don’t have the time for this.

: What the hell kind of pack is going to hold something that big?

: You haven’t seen my handbag.

: That’s a pretty impressive roll given Shadowheart has a negative charisma modifier.

: “Words of mine will turn to ash.. When you call the last light down..”

: I’m not sure what’s funnier about that last shot: Shadowheart playing the lute in full armor, or the fact that she’s meant to be the designated straight romance option for male characters.

: No, seriously. She was re-written from the ground up halfway through development - originally, she was a mindbroken sociopath who only really cared about killing people.

: I was honestly surprised when I played the first time and found out she’s not a lesbian.

1. [PERFORMANCE] Keep time with her.
2. Slip the lute into your pack.
3. Here. I don’t have time for this.

: The second check is easier to pass.

: “Moon reminds me of your grace… All the love I can’t repay.. Rest and know that I will pray.. Farewell, my dear old friend.”

: “Sorry.”

1. Don’t worry. Cry as much as you need.
2. That song was beautiful. Worthy of a few tears.
3. No need to be sorry. Though it still needs work.
4. Well, would you look at this grove. So lovely. So.. grove-like.

: 5. Want to go help me blow up the grove?

: “That song was beautiful. Worthy of a few tears.”

: “Heh. Thanks. That’s the first time I’ve played since Lihala died. My teacher. She was playing her lute. We.. didn’t hear the gnolls coming. There was so much blood. I - I can still smell it.”

1. That’s terrible. I’m sorry.
2. I’m sure your teacher would be proud to see you now.
3. Hardly a unique tale of woe these days. Toughen up, or you won’t last.
4. Well, you’ve come up with a fine tribute to her.

: “I’m sure your teacher would be proud to see you now.”

: “Lihala said that’s why eulogies were important. They were for the living as well as the dead. I’d forgotten what it was like: that itch to perfect a song. Keep the lute. Please. You’ve earned it.”

: “The Weeping Dawn will be my gift to Lihala. I’ve a long way to go, but thank you. I…I needed this.*”

: We get a free lute, and Shadowheart gets the Perform skill for free. It’s kind of pointless since Pollux is a bard, but on a run where you have no bard it’s useful to put on your charisma character.

: Alfira will also start singing her song at this point, so I’ll post the full version. It is one of only three vocal themes in the entire game, not counting chanting or humming.

: Speaking of humming, if you take the path facing away from Alfira, you start hearing humming and should probably save the game if you plan on saving all the tieflings.

: “Is someone.. singing?”

: At this point, we are on a timer and need to rush down the path to the water. I should mention that you can simply avoid this area and not need to worry about this at all.

: There’s something kinda uncanny valley about this kid’s design. He’s like that one elf from Exit Fate.

: “Shh! Listen! Don’t you hear it? It’s so peaceful.”

1. I don’t hear anything. Come back to shore.
2. Focus and try to hear what he hears.
3. Leave.

: “I don’t hear anything. Come back to shore.”

: “No, no. It’s just a bit of water. I only want to listen. Just a little closer…”

: I say we let nature take its course here.

: There aren’t really tactics for this fight, outside of maybe knowing where some of the harpies are going to spawn and putting people there.

: See, the harpies can fly. Once an enemy starts flying, tactics kind of go out the window and it turns into a slugfest.

: The twist is that the harpy standing on that outcropping will sing every round, which forces the entire party to make a save or waste a turn running toward her.

: Ideally, we wouldn’t have Lae’zel in the party for this because her saves against this suck. This is true even in 3.5E, where the easiest way to kill a fighter off is to mind control them.

: Astarion got hit a lot, as did Lae’zel. Fortunately, we have an easy way out of this: it’s a trick that is VITAL to playing on tactician.

: If you gather your characters together and throw potions, you can hit the entire party with them at once. This heals the same amount as if every character drank the potion.

: “A-are they gone?”

1. They’re gone. Are you all right?
2. Go back to your parents. There’s worse in the wild than harpies.
3. Stop snivelling or they’ll be back. They like tasty little tiefling kids.
4. [BARD] Soothe the child with a calming tune.

: As much as I wanted Pollux to be an asshole and play the song, I didn’t do it because it didn’t really feel like a thing he’d do.

: You had him explode the entire summoning circle for laughs.

: That wasn’t canon.

: It was amusing, though.

: They’re gone. Are you all right?

: “No - yes - I mean.. I don’t know!”

1. Take a breath, deep and slow. You’re safe now.
2. (Same as previous)
3. (Same as previous)
4. [BARD] Calm there. You’re a hero. You survived a harpy’s wily lullaby, my friend. Be proud.

: “Take a breath, deep and slow. You’re safe now.”

: “Th-that’s what the voice said. I almost got to the nest, but the singing.. I need to get back. Mol will be so mad.”

: “Wait, umm… you should meet Mol. She’ll be grateful you helped me.”

: “Find a boy called Doni. Tell him you want to see the ‘Dragon’s Lair’.”

: This is a lead-in to a sidequest that otherwise would require me to make another character (or use one of the hirelings if I was playing unmodded).

: There’s no obvious treasure for killing the harpies, who aren’t carrying anything on them. The treasure is hidden behind that rock formation we saw the first harpy on.

: “Let’s see what those harpies were hoarding.”

: We get a couple of text dumps, some camp supplies, and a Ring of Color Spray that lets whoever wears it use Color Spray once per short rest. It’s vendor trash, but we have another use for it.

: In fact, you should probably keep at least two garbage magic items on you, as we’ll need them for a story event.

Miriam,

I’m sorry it’s been so long since I’ve written. A lot has happened.

First, some good news. Maggie Two-Fingers won’t be bothering you anymore. I paid her back in full. I’m sorry -she should never have got your name in the first place.

Now, for the bad news. My love, I’m not coming home. Not for a while, at least. The money came from a mercenary group (probably best I don’t give their name) and I’ve agreed to a couple jobs in Icewind Dale in return. They paid me up front because.. gods, it’s so strange to write it..

Because they needed a warlock. They needed me.

I took the deal the cambion offered. I’m not going to say I had no choice, because that would be a lie. But I don’t regret it. I’m a new man. I feel strong for the first time in my life. Aside from being awoken in the middle of the night by the smell of sulphur (he likes to drop by to ‘see how everything is going’) I have no complaints.

If you don’t reply to this letter, I understand. And if you don’t want me to come back at all, well, I understand that too.

I love you, Miriam. And I want you to be happy, even if it’s not with me.

Edmund

: Is any of this plot-relevant? Nope! The other book is a found footage kind of thing and I’m not going to bother transcribing it.

: Next up is going back to Arabella’s parents and telling them we saved her. There’s some dialog that plays as we get there.

: “Stop. I was fine.”

: “Your mother was a heartbeat away from fighting a bear.”

: “Isn’t that how mum usually is?”

: “Quiet, you pup.”

: “You ever scare me like that again, and I’ll feed you to a gnoll.”

: “Mum. I’m fine. Stop it.”

: “Our little hellion told us what happened. Thank you - don’t know what we’d do without her.”

1. I hope we’ll meet again under better circumstances.
2. I saved your daughter - got anything more than a thanks for me?
3. This could’ve ended badly - keep her in line from now on.
4. No more light-fingered antics, right, Arabella?

: “I hope we’ll meet again under better circumstances.”

: “Likewise. Arabella?”

: “Thank you. For helping me.”

: Aww, that description is kinda cute.

: Too bad it’s vendor trash for the most part.

: Our next stop is way down at the other end of the grove, near where Dammon (the tiefling merchant) is. This is the last thing we have to do in order to save all the tieflings.

: “Ya ain’t gonna shoot me. Yer hands are shakin’.”

Memnos: Put it down. She can’t fight back.

Arka: That’s the point. Get out of the way.

: I’m not sure who the male tiefling is, but Arka is the sister of the guy who died trying to raise the gates when we first got here.

Memnos: She didn’t kill your brother, Arka. You’re better than this.

: “Shoot before you lose your nerve, tiefling. If you ever had it to begin with.”

1. Shut up. Those words could be your last.
2. Step between the crossbow and the goblin.
3. Do nothing.

: In character, Pollux would walk away.

: “Have fun with the goblin. I want nothing to do with this.”

: “Looks like the Absolute sent me a protector. You gonna kill 'im too?”

Arka: You! Move!

1. [INTIMIDATION] Lower the crossbow, or I’ll deliver you right to your brother.
2. [PERSUASION] No, shoot me. Should be easy, right?
3. [PERSUASION] This won’t avenge Kanon. It won’t change anything.
4. [DETECT THOUGHTS] Read the tiefling’s thoughts.
5. Step out of the way.

: “This won’t avenge Kanon. It won’t change anything.”

: If you fail the check, Arka shoots the goblin and then she and Memnos leave to try and kill the other goblins. You can find them dead right down the road.

: There is a second achievement for having Sazza (the goblin) survive the entire game, which requires glitching the game out unless you’re playing the evil route.

: We can do some more stuff with Sazza, but it requires getting her out of the grove. The easiest way to achieve this is to do something else first.

: “Hmm. There’s a big stone door down there. I wonder where it leads?”

: “A tunnel? Wait.. what’s that blue glowing thing on the wall over there? Astarion, go check it out.”

: “Glowing eyes are rarely a good sign. Best be careful.”

: This area can be done in three different ways. The first is the way I’m doing it here, where you enter without Sazza from inside the grove. There’s a second, much harder route that involves bringing Sazza with you through here.

: “There’s a goblin raiding party in here, and I think that druid is dead.”

: If you have Sazza with you, she runs ahead to talk to the goblins, who then turn on her and force a fight. This is a very bad idea, because that statue we saw on the way in will start firing lasers at the party if they walk past it.

: Instead, we have Astarion sneak up and turn the statue off using the rune on the wall.

: A barrel that’s not filled with explosives? What kind of monster would make one of those?

: If I felt like blowing a lightning spell, we could shoot the barrel and then electrify the resulting puddle, but I don’t really feel like wasting spell slots.

: See, the goblins are all standing in mud, which slows them down significantly. All we need to do is shoot them.

: With a surprise round, it doesn’t take much to kill them off. This would be significantly more annoying if we had the statue shooting at us.

: “You know, it’s very economical that we can simply throw potions and all get the full effect. Otherwise, I might have had to use a healing spell.”

: We still have not used a single spell slot, or any of our daily resources.

: “Oh, thank you, thank you. I thought I was going to die down here.”

1. How did those goblins slip into the grove?
2. Was no one looking for you?
3. I’m surprised the goblins didn’t gut you on sight. Why didn’t they?
4. Don’t thank me yet. I’m here to finish what they started.
5. Leave.

: This is the other reason we don’t want to bring Sazza down here yet. If you bring her here and don’t kill Findal, he wakes up and you have to pass a persuasion check or the grove goes hostile.

: “Was no one looking for you?”

: “No. I’d still be outside gathering herbs if I hadn’t run into the goblins. I must tell the others what happened. Step careful - there are traps in these tunnels. And thank you.”

: The goblins don’t have anything special on them, but I take that water barrel for later use. Barrels are a valuable resource.

: There’s another statue right past here that we REALLY want to turn off using that rune.

: It’s hard to see, but there’s a trail of oil leading to an explosive barrel, which we of course take. By about the mid point of the game on my first run, half my camp storage was explosive barrels.

: Someone’s gonna get a hell of a juice cleanse.

: There are crates in the corner here that have a couple of useful items, including a healing potion in case you need one for Findal, as well as a water barrel hiding in the back.

: There’s one more statue switch down there. As far as I know, it isn’t possible to hit the switch without getting hit once by the statues - unless you have an invisibility spell, which is not worth using to mitigate one hit.

: Lae’zel takes one hit, but that’s fine.

: Pollux finds a dirt mound with a chest in it - mostly alchemy supplies that we don’t have an immediate use for.

: This corpse has a key we probably don’t need because we have Astarion.

: The key goes to this chest, which is in a niche behind where we found that last explosive barrel. And oh look, two more explosive barrels. We all know what I’m going to do with those.

: As for the chest, it’s got a pretty nice staff in it for Lyselle.

: And a grenade, which I give to Astarion. We could try to overthrow Kagha at this point, but getting to the place mentioned in that note requires us to bypass a bunch of stuff and get into a fight that we’d have a hard time winning.

: By “a hard time”, I mean it took me nearly an hour and a half to record without the party dying, and then I realized I didn’t have my recording software on.

: Not to mention that getting to that fight brings us dangerously close to the spot where you can glitch the best armor in the game.

: Instead what we’ll do is finally get around to recruiting Wyll and check out the “dragon’s lair” the horrible beach child told us about. This will cover pretty much everything there is to do in the grove.

Asharak: The Blade of Frontiers. What a thrill for the children.

: “They’re tough kids. Smart, too. The future’s in good hands.”

: “Go on. Give me your best shot.”

: You know, most people would spar with sticks or wooden swords instead of the real thing. This seems more like reckless endangerment than training.

Umi: Gah!

: Can you imagine if his hand was off just a little bit and he accidentally ran that kid through, except he did it on purpose?

: “Not bad. Again.”

: He’s real good at beating kids at swordfighting, and that’s about all he’s good for.

Umi: I can’t do it. I’m not like you.

: What he’s saying is that he’s too young to have character levels. I think the youngest you can be in D&D is 18.

: “Umi. I don’t need you to be like me. You just have to buy enough time to run. Come on. I believe in you. You can do this.”

1. Hey there. Can I have a word?
2. This whelp is hopeless. You’re wasting your time.
3. It’s good advice, child. You’d do well to listen.
4. Leave.

: “Hey there. Can I have a word?”

: “Well met. The Blade of Frontiers at your-”

Narrator: The man’s smile bends downward, and his thoughts become yours. You are the Blade of Frontiers, racing through the wastes of Avernus. Just ahead, a diabolical figure - single curled horn - blazes with flame, bloodied greataxe held high."

: “Hells’ great fires - you were on the ship.”

1. Yes - and we both carry parasites.
2. Another escapee? Thank the gods - I need all the friends I can get.
3. Who was that woman, the one in your thoughts?
4. Peer further into his mind.

: “Yes, and we both carry parasites.”

: “Mm - doomed to shed our skin and become illithid, or so the stories go. But we haven’t sprouted any tentacles - not yet, anyway. Could just be good luck. I’m not so..”

Narrator: Your minds collide once more. Wyll chases the fiend, ignited with rancour. She is an infernal wardevil, a threat to the living - evil incarnate.

: “Shit - you saw her: advocatus diaboli.”

: That is the single most predictable name they could’ve used. There’s an automatic history check here, though realistically it would just be a “can you discern the meaning of Latin words that are cognates for English words” check.

Narrator: Advocatus diaboli. A devil’s advocate - a champion in the Blood War between diabolical forces and demons.

: Devils and demons are two different classifications in D&D (and in Pathfinder). Devils are your lawful evil “sign this contract” types, and demons are the “blood for the blood god, skulls for the skull throne” chaotic evil types.

1. Who is she?
2. Hunting in the Hells. Dangerous territory.
3. Cavorting with devils, I see. You should consider better company.
4. A Devil’s Advocate. Do you think she’ll bring the Blood War to Faerun?

: “Who is she?”

: “Her name is Karlach. An archdevil’s soldier I swore on my good eye to kill. I tracked her through the Hells to the mind flayer ship. But the damned illithids infected me before I could end her.”

: “She’s out there now, preying on the innocent. I don’t kill her, she’ll leave behind nothing but a trail of corpses.”

1. Let’s join forces. I’ll help you cast this devil back into the Hells.
2. I’m looking to cure this infection. I suggest we partner up.
3. Good luck with your devil problem - it seems your work’s cut out for you.

: “Just so you know, my first duty is Karlach. I’m oathbound to go after her. But I won’t deny this infection is bothersome. I accept your invitation.”

: At this point, Wyll goes on the bench forever. There are exactly four points in the entire game I might need him.

: The reason I don’t like him is the same reason I don’t like Gale: he’s never really plot-relevant the way Shadowheart or Lae’zel are.

: The ability to kill off every party member is probably one of the weakest bits of writing in this game, because obviously the writers aren’t going to write a lot of stuff for a character who can potentially be dead a few hours in.

: Doni hangs out near the cows. There’s a thing we can do with the cows, but we’d need to be able to speak with animals and no one can do that (yet).

Narrator: His eyes flicker to yours for an instant, then away, as if it hurts to look at you.

: He’s nonverbal, but he opens a nearby hatch we can use.

: This area is a hideout for the tiefling orphans. Saving the kid on the beach is one way to get in here. The other way involves an event where the kids (who are running a pickpocketing ring) steal your stuff and you have to come in here to get it back.

: The other route requires that you have someone who is either small (a gnome or halfling), the reduce person spell, or a druid who can wildshape into a cat.

: And if we did the other way, we have a different solution for that.

: “You came! I have - here! Mol said I should thank you properly. For the harpies.”

: “So I wrote you a story!”

1. Aren’t you the clever one? That’s very kind.
2. I’ve heard enough of your chatter. I don’t need more.
3. That’s not how I usually get paid for killing monsters.

: “Aren’t you the clever one? That’s very kind.”

: “It’s about you! I hope you like it.”

Once, there was a boy on a beech. He saw there was a harpie nest. He was a very good climer. he wantet to clime to the top and steel from the harpie nest. But the harpie was very mean. She sang a song and the boy forgot what he was doing. But then an adventurer passed by. The adventurer was very strong and killed the harpie in one blow and safed the boy. The boy was very cold and scared. He was standing in the water so he was very cold. But the adventurer had saved him! The boy thaught the adventurer was ammazeing. The boy wanted to be like the adventurer. He wanted to be strong and safe peopple and never be scared egain. Just like the adventurer.

THE END

: He’s bullshitting those spelling mistakes. You’re telling me he managed to spell “adventurer” perfectly five times, but can’t spell “again” or saved"?

: I mean, it’s cute, but he’s kind of a little brat for trying to steal from a harpy nest.

: Trust me, there’s a reason we didn’t just let natural selection take its course.

: “Well, look who’s come to visit. My kids say you’ve been busy since you got here. Mirkon says you got him out of a tight spot with some harpies. Gotta say, I’m impressed.”

: “You saved Arabella from the druids. Don’t know what those bastards would have done.”

1. What’re you doing in the cave?
2. Thought you might need help with something.
3. Do you have anything to trade?
4. Leave

: “What are you doing down in this cave?”

: “Making sure we’re ready to leave when the time comes.”

: “Thought you might need help with something.”

: “I do, as a matter of fact. Revenge.”

: “You saw what those bastards that run the place were doing to Arabella. Scaring the precious mite. I want to steal that big shiny idol they’re all chanting at.”

1. An idol? What do you want to do with something like that?
2. I could help you get it, but my time’s valuable to me.
3. I’ll see what I can do.
4. Count me out - I’m not getting involved.

: This particular quest is kind of a pain. The idol is at the center of the ritual circle, and stealing it - even if you’re not seen - immediately starts the genocide route I showed off.

: To get the idol without sparking a bloodbath, we need to deal with Kagha (either through the sidequest or by rescuing Halsin) first.

: “An idol? What do you want to do with something like that?”

: “The important thing is to get it away from them. That ritual’s gonna get us all killed. And we can sell it once we get to the city. Thing like that’s gotta be worth a small fortune.”

: “I’ll see what I can do.”

: “Be careful. They look brittle as old bark, but they’re vicious.”

: The wiki is wrong on this quest, because it says you can only do it if you haven’t talked to Nettie and gotten the quest to find Halsin. We’ve technically done everything we can do here.

: There are a couple of optional lead-ins to the main quest I want to show off, though. Remember how Lae’zel said she was looking for a tiefling named Zorru? We can find him.

: “B-by Mordai’s eyes, another one.”

: “My f-friend’s blood not enough? Come to rip me open, too?”

: “In Creche K’liir, a formal greeting begins with a bow.”

: “Is this m-monster with you?”

1. Yes. And I suggest you do as she says.
2. You heard the woman. Bow.
3. Hold it, Lae’zel. I’ll see to this one.

: “Lower.”

1. Wait for the tiefling to obey.
2. She’s serious. You’d better get on your knees. Fast.
3. That’s enough, Lae’zel. I’ll take it from here."

: “That’s enough, Lae’zel. I’ll take it from here.”

: “You dare interrupt? Has the tadpole ravaged your senses?”

: Lae’zel becomes less of a bitch as the game goes on, but I can see why a lot of people probably benched her here. I know I did.

1. Fine - do as you must. But keep it quick.
2. Enough, Lae’zel. You will be silent.

: “You can stand down, or I’m leaving and taking Shadowheart with me. I think you’ve mistaken me as a pushover.”

: I would’ve exploded that bitch’s head like five minutes ago.

: “Th-thanks. What do you want from m-me?”

: “Information. Where did you see the githyanki?”

: “On the road to Baldur’s Gate, near the mountain p-pass. Saw us 'fore we s-saw it. Jammed its b-b-blade through Yul’s belly, straight to the other side. And I just.. I just ran.”

: “The map. Show me.”

1. Thanks for your help.. and apologies for my companion.
2. Quit your snivelling. We’re done with you.
3. All right, Lae’zel. You got what you needed.
4. Leave.

: “Thanks for your help.. and apologies for my companion.”

: “No hard f-feelings.”

: We could head straight for the mountain pass, except that it has a level-check boss fight that is pretty difficult even at the appropriate level.

: Oh, and we get another inspiration for Pollux. The thing to keep in mind is that you can only hold four rerolls, and we’re already over that.

: “The last time a subordinate questioned my judgement, I ate tongue stew that very night.”

: “I warned you, didn’t I? You ought to reconsider keeping her around, before she causes real trouble.”

1. Subordinate? No - we’re partners. You’ll treat me with respect.
2. You’ve made your point.
3. If you’ve finished scowling at me, what comes next?

: “Kainyank. Your tantrum proves you no wiser than a hatchling. The teeth-ling was clear. If there are githyanki west of here, that must be our objective. Purification cannot wait.”

1. Heh - did you say ‘teeth-ling’?
2. What do you mean, ‘purification’?
3. Leave.

: “Did you just say ‘teeth-ling’?”

: “I am unfamiliar with the - well, I shall not say ‘culture’. ‘Custom’, perhaps. You will educate me on matters of this Fay-run.”

: "No, no. It’s “Faerûn.”

: What’s really funny to me about this is that like, they kind of pull off Lae’zel being cute apart from the weird nose. People have tried to ‘fix’ her nose to varying degrees of success.

: We have one more person to talk to, and then I’ll show off the mods. That person is Aradin, the mercenary who we stopped from punching Zevlor.

: “If it ain’t the fearles goblin slayer. You sure you want to be seen with me? I ain’t exactly popular with this lot.”

1. All you did was stand up for your crew. I respect that.
2. You could try to be a little friendlier.
3. I’m more concerned about the First Druid - heard he left the grove with you?"

: “I’m more concerned about the First Druid - heard he left the grove with you?”

: “Aye. His name’s Halsin, and if he’s still alive, he’ll be cursing the day he laid eyes on me. We’ve got a contract to track down some relic, and he wanted in on the job. Eyes lit up when he heard about it.”

: “Didn’t work out, though. Goblins got him when we were turning tail. He’s either diggin’ latrines or boilin’ in a cookpot by now.”

1. Can I take a look at that contract?
2. Did you think getting rich would be easy?
3. You ran away from a few goblins?

: “Can I have a look at that contract?”

: “Job’s all yours, if you got a death wish. There’s a wizard in Baldur’s Gate that’ll pay gobloads for a relic, supposedly buried round these parts. But gold ain’t any use if you’re too cold to spend it.”

1. Just tell me where to find the relic.
2. Any idea where the relic actually is?

: “Any idea where the relic actually is?”

: “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be back here with half my crew gone. But look, if you’re itching to meet Kelemvor, I won’t stop you.”

: “It’s called the Nightsong. Supposed to be hidden under the temple where the goblins jumped us. I’d give you the map and wish you a happy funeral, but my mate Brian kept hold of it like his own todger. Goblins made short of the fat old chunk.”

: “All I’ve got’s the contract. It’ll show you where we turned back, if you feel like dying.”

[A scuffed handbill with an extravagant seal boldly proclaims:]

ADVENTURERS WANTED
for perilous and profitable quest

Master Lorroakan - the Arcanist of Athkatla, the Recluse of Ramazith’s Tower - seeks brave and enterprising individuals to delve treacherous temple and recover storied artefact THE NIGHTSONG for preservation in Baldur’s Gate.

Only stout of heart and keen of mind need apply. Fame, glory, and incredible fortune assured.

: Next time, we’ll go find the temple - and by find the temple, I mean wander around because there’s a ton of side stuff to do in the vicinity. We’ll also meet one of my favorite characters.

: Let’s take a look at some modder attempts to fix Lae’zel.

: First up is a mod called “Resting Gith Face” that yassifies the Gith into boyfriends. I’m sure Pollux would approve (and also ask them for their phone numbers).

: Next up is this mod which is probably the best one if you want to give Lae’zel a nose job.

: And this one, which I can’t link to because it has a surprising amount of nudity in the screenshot tab.

: I think the one person who fucking nailed the assignment was this one, which turns Lae’zel into a gnome. I kind of wanted to install this and pretend everything was normal.